Thursday, March 30, 2006

Internets Tilt

There’s bad beats that can make you keep you wondering why you flick on the monitor every night, or drive to your nearest card barn to bend a couple of face cards into view only to see the end result of the hand favoring the mouth breather playing 92s in the five seat. Online poker is rigged, live poker is rigged, ZeeJustin is rigged, and those teriyaki chicken kabobs at Chin Yung’s with cream cheese puffs are rigged. Why to people continue to eat/play/gamble on things if they’re rigged?

They enjoy the moment.

You’re not trapped in your cube typing out a letter to Companio Retardondo explaining if you overcharge by five dollars an item that we may ask for that difference back and listening to the constant bitching from said company over the next two weeks about why they have to pay it back isn’t helping you enjoy your job.

While playing poker there’s no customers to listen to, no kids telling you that they NEED TO WATCH a movie for the 15th time after polite no’s have been distributed, and no crazy-ass soccer mom’s in mini-vans trying to dress for their PTA meeting while baking cupcakes and organize the school’s book drive carnival from their Treo cutting you off in traffic then flicking you off with their middle toe of their left foot. It just you and a computer screen (or table if you swing like that) with cards and bets that explain whether or not your are victor who rakes in the chips or the degenerate gambler that mumbles about that thirtieth bad beat of the night to some invisible internet friends or to that dude with the KFC/stale smoke/urine funk that’s clutching a fist full of year-old exacta bets at the corner bar.

Bad beats happen. You harness them, and move on.

But, what happens when the bad beat wasn’t your fault. You capped your cards and the dealer mucks your cards despite your trusty tire iron card protector on top of your quads. After beating the dealer senseless with X shaped hunk of metal does it get you the pot? Nein.

What happens when a TV personality fires up the girlie chat box to discuss some issues with you and you’re in a PLO MTT final table on the money bubble with double suited aces, get the tournament luckbox (not CJ) to call your pre-flop raise and flop top set, nut flush draw, and gutshot broadway straight redraws, you excuse yourself from the conversation to spam that potpotpotpotpotpotpotpot button like it was an ATM giving you free money only to see your time bank begin its count down. Then the computer ask “would you like to sit in?” damn fuckin right I want to sit. After 20 long seconds tick away your cursor blinks “check”, then a “sitting out” name plate pops up instead of your remaining chip stack. Seeing his good fortune the idiot grows a brain and bets the minimum and your perfect four cards slide into the virtual muck without hesitation.

You are also in a PLO8 tourney, battling for two hours after spending a little more then you normally would on a buy-in but you were treating yourself after a nice cash game session yesterday. Hovering around par and getting fairly close to the money despite some frigid cards, the screen suddenly blinks “Connection Lost”. You curse Comcast, Al Gore, and that fat Star Wars kid for the timing of this inconvenience and spend the next 30 minutes trying to correct the problem. But, alas the connection isn’t going to happen; you lose due to circumstances beyond your control.


At least I had some stored Handjob Hunnies porn.

Internets tilt is a confusing one to deal with since you didn’t lose due to “bad play” or “I got sucked out on”, those I can deal with after a line of “yep, I lost again after being a 91% favorite” is typed then quickly forgotten about. But when it’s something you have no control over how are you able to laugh it off?

I wish I could offer a solution but this one baffles me, like that Navy guy listening to his daughters on Deal or No Deal last night passing up $400K. Nice play sir.

Last week, I chose to be a parent (see last Monday’s post). It was a no-brainer in my mind and I’m sure 99.9% of the population feels the same way. I did not choose Comcast to kill my connection at a very inopportune time last night and hope their customer service building is overrun by a swarm of rabid locus this morning. It sucked enough to kill my recent desire to play and really concentrate on the game for a few hours each night. Right now my plans are go home, play some hockey with Little Drizz, fire up my new Star Wars game I picked up last weekend, and curse out Comcast for a few days. No poker tonight unless a couple of Cap’n Cokes makes me forget about the losses.

Thanks for dropping by now here’s a pretty cool lightsabre fight, courtesy of and found by my DAoC chat group friends. Enjoy.

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