Friday, March 31, 2006

Aprily Fools Day

Remember your chance tomorrow to become your favorite blogger.

My post is guarenteed to bomb worst then Waterworld so show me how its done!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Internets Tilt


There’s bad beats that can make you keep you wondering why you flick on the monitor every night, or drive to your nearest card barn to bend a couple of face cards into view only to see the end result of the hand favoring the mouth breather playing 92s in the five seat. Online poker is rigged, live poker is rigged, ZeeJustin is rigged, and those teriyaki chicken kabobs at Chin Yung’s with cream cheese puffs are rigged. Why to people continue to eat/play/gamble on things if they’re rigged?

They enjoy the moment.

You’re not trapped in your cube typing out a letter to Companio Retardondo explaining if you overcharge by five dollars an item that we may ask for that difference back and listening to the constant bitching from said company over the next two weeks about why they have to pay it back isn’t helping you enjoy your job.

While playing poker there’s no customers to listen to, no kids telling you that they NEED TO WATCH a movie for the 15th time after polite no’s have been distributed, and no crazy-ass soccer mom’s in mini-vans trying to dress for their PTA meeting while baking cupcakes and organize the school’s book drive carnival from their Treo cutting you off in traffic then flicking you off with their middle toe of their left foot. It just you and a computer screen (or table if you swing like that) with cards and bets that explain whether or not your are victor who rakes in the chips or the degenerate gambler that mumbles about that thirtieth bad beat of the night to some invisible internet friends or to that dude with the KFC/stale smoke/urine funk that’s clutching a fist full of year-old exacta bets at the corner bar.

Bad beats happen. You harness them, and move on.

But, what happens when the bad beat wasn’t your fault. You capped your cards and the dealer mucks your cards despite your trusty tire iron card protector on top of your quads. After beating the dealer senseless with X shaped hunk of metal does it get you the pot? Nein.

What happens when a TV personality fires up the girlie chat box to discuss some issues with you and you’re in a PLO MTT final table on the money bubble with double suited aces, get the tournament luckbox (not CJ) to call your pre-flop raise and flop top set, nut flush draw, and gutshot broadway straight redraws, you excuse yourself from the conversation to spam that potpotpotpotpotpotpotpot button like it was an ATM giving you free money only to see your time bank begin its count down. Then the computer ask “would you like to sit in?” damn fuckin right I want to sit. After 20 long seconds tick away your cursor blinks “check”, then a “sitting out” name plate pops up instead of your remaining chip stack. Seeing his good fortune the idiot grows a brain and bets the minimum and your perfect four cards slide into the virtual muck without hesitation.

You are also in a PLO8 tourney, battling for two hours after spending a little more then you normally would on a buy-in but you were treating yourself after a nice cash game session yesterday. Hovering around par and getting fairly close to the money despite some frigid cards, the screen suddenly blinks “Connection Lost”. You curse Comcast, Al Gore, and that fat Star Wars kid for the timing of this inconvenience and spend the next 30 minutes trying to correct the problem. But, alas the connection isn’t going to happen; you lose due to circumstances beyond your control.

Again.

At least I had some stored Handjob Hunnies porn.

Internets tilt is a confusing one to deal with since you didn’t lose due to “bad play” or “I got sucked out on”, those I can deal with after a line of “yep, I lost again after being a 91% favorite” is typed then quickly forgotten about. But when it’s something you have no control over how are you able to laugh it off?

I wish I could offer a solution but this one baffles me, like that Navy guy listening to his daughters on Deal or No Deal last night passing up $400K. Nice play sir.

Last week, I chose to be a parent (see last Monday’s post). It was a no-brainer in my mind and I’m sure 99.9% of the population feels the same way. I did not choose Comcast to kill my connection at a very inopportune time last night and hope their customer service building is overrun by a swarm of rabid locus this morning. It sucked enough to kill my recent desire to play and really concentrate on the game for a few hours each night. Right now my plans are go home, play some hockey with Little Drizz, fire up my new Star Wars game I picked up last weekend, and curse out Comcast for a few days. No poker tonight unless a couple of Cap’n Cokes makes me forget about the losses.

Thanks for dropping by now here’s a pretty cool lightsabre fight, courtesy of TheForce.net and found by my DAoC chat group friends. Enjoy.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

MeeJustin's Journal

ZeeJustin speaks...

... and still doesn't totally "get it"

AAAAAAACHOOOOOOOO!

Not feeling well today, so I blame Gracie of course for passing the flu/cold to all the bloggers.

A quick hello to the newer bloggers I saw at the WWdN PLO8 side game last night. Hope you continue to write about this frusterating game we play in the years to come. And if you've never read my blog before... I have played PLO8 once or twice before ;)

Drop me a line to your blog I'm always happy to add new people.

I'm gonna go down a gallon of cranberry juice and a box of TamiFlu and try to stay semi-coherant for the day. Or at least I'll be able to pee without any plumbing problems.

Reminder: Be sure to gear up for "becoming" your favorite blogger on April 1st. I have my post ready, but pretty sure its gonna fall flater then Felicia's chest.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Poker.com: A Review

A new poker site!

Stupendous! Colossal even!

And like Snagglepuss, you should exit stage right before signing up.

Poker.com runs like a shinny Lexus ls460 with no motor inside and standing on cinder blocks. The warning signs can be seen on the introductory page as it shills for two other competing poker rooms? Ads for Noble and Pacific can be seen right above the attractive “Poker Queen Tina” perhaps in an attempt to show you just how bad online poker software can be. At least I give their marketing department kudos for the “hey we’re not as bad as these guys!!” campaign. Barely better then the aforementioned rooms, but I doubt its possible to do worst then Noble and Pacific for site construction.

First, signing up requires the Neteller (or your favorite off-shore e-wallet they do accept five different ones) and your personal information. My personal sign up caught several snags as I was held up by trying to enter an email verification code that didn’t work (this may have been a personal problem as I’ve had difficulties in the past with emailed codes). After an hour and three emails with the Poker.com staff, I was up and running.

The standard 50% sign up bonus (up to $200) was tempting so I bought in for the full amount with multi-tabling in mind to see how fast it would clear. Their system for clearing bonuses is a little different then most other sites where you generally receive 1 “point” from 1 raked hand over a certain amount and have to play X amount of raked hands. Here it’s a tiered section much like Noble that gives 1-3 “crowns” for higher amounts of rake. At Poker.com you receive more “comp points” based on the blinds in a cash game. They are divided into three groups and you receive up to 150 comp points per “ring” (which is 15 hands, raked or not) but that is for $4/$8 limit (and above) and $5/$10 NL (and above). I haven’t checked out the limit games but there has been no game above $2/$4 NL running when I’ve been on (not that I’d play that high regardless).

Let’s see an example of smaller stakes player’s ability to clear this bonus:

I spend about two hours playing $.50/$1 NLHE last night and received 450 comp points.

The full bonus is $200 X 150 comp points per $1 cleared = 30,000 comp points needed

Say I average 225 comp points per hour for argument sakes. 30,000/225 = 133.3 playing hours to clear the entire bonus.


Yikes.

But but but Drizz don’t you play like 15 million tables at once?!?!?! I do like to multi-table, but Poker.com’s multi-tabling consist of having to click on a table’s “tab” that blinks when its your action near the top of the webpage. While attempting three tabling, several times I missed my action due to delayed blinking, and that made me bleeping mad at the blinking.

The game play itself is extremely slow, almost to live play standards of 50 hands per hour (full ring), and there’s no O8 games (only Omaha-Hi) as I am forced to play Hold Em’ with the 400 or so cash game players. Light traffic also makes clearing the bonus difficult as there are very few games to choose from (I haven’t seen an Omaha-Hi game running yet, but that's not to say there aren't any).

The game play and table itself is ok. There’s buttons for betting and raising 2x, 4x the blinds or previous bet/raise, and an all-in button for those push monkeys that don’t want to bother with the slide bar. These buttons were useful while multi-tabling, as the slide bar and extremely small number box were too difficult to use for betting. The interface is VERY busy, there’s an information bar that flashes recent winners of tournaments and hands at the bottom of the screen. Individual players have stars and symbols next to their names signifying how awesome that are (stars earned on frequency of play, and symbols are earned by winning tournaments). It’s a little cartoony but nice to know who’s a regular player at the site and maybe a tip as to the skill level that you are facing. When two players are all-in prior to showdown a “percent to win” circle goes over their cards, again a little cartoony but this feature will help whiners like me who can say they were 95% to win on the turn ANDOMGIGOTSUCKEDOUTLIKEWHOA!

I’ve been describing a clunker so far, but this is where the Lexus analogy comes in. First, the site offers a ton of freerolls, not to mention the free WSOP seat to a lucky blogger (be sure to see the flashing ad near my blog roll if you are interested, use Drizz99 or Drizztdj as your referral if you wish). The prizes are rather nice, and seem to come with no strings attached, meaning you don’t need to make a deposit. But, if you do deposit there are seven different $500 freerolls offered by making your initial deposit. I played in one and finished just out of the money, as it’s a turbo-styled tourney with 7 minute blinds. Also, there are two major freerolls offered each week, $4K on Monday and Wednesday with 1500 comp points earned (and yes Bill they are free as you do not need to “use” the comp points to enter) and a rather large $20K freeroll on Sundays with 2000 comp points earned (the winner takes home $4,000).

On the side there is a blog (that is updated daily) and a Poker.com community forum for this rather tightly knit group.

Because of the sparse traffic, you will most likely play against the same people at certain levels, much like I do playing PLO8 at Stars. The level of play is rather tight, but I’ve seen moments of “hwat?!?!!?” that you see at any most fringe sites. If you can navigate the minefield of players who will only play top sets and big pairs, and those who chase gutshot straights like a horny old man that chases Catholic high school girls, you’ll be profitable.

My recommendation:

- Play this site only while involved in another game, as the games run painfully slow. If you can’t stand a slow running site Poker.com is not for you.

- Do not sign up with the intention of bonus whoring (especially if you’re a lower stakes player) as the lack of controls for multi-tabling and comp points system is geared towards higher stakes players making this a –EV proposition.

- DO take advantage of the freerolls being offered, as they are rather lucrative and soft to place in.

- Check in on the forum and learn about your opponents. I found a post about a guy who cracked my aces with QQ losing $1,600 playing blackjack at the site earlier that day. Glad I contributed towards his degenerate behavior.


Thanks for dropping by, now all this week you should be spamming the refresh button on our Playboy mansion crashing blogger’s sites to see how to properly project vomit after drinking too much. Way to do us Minnesotan’s proud sir!!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Not Exactly the Playboy Mansion...

… but I had a fun time this weekend

In Cloquet’s own Southgate lanes held the annual Black Bear no-tap bowling tourney. For those who don’t know their Dick Weber from their Pete Weber, a no-tap tourney consist of a regular game of bowling but you only need to knock down 9 of the 10 pins on your first ball to get a strike. It would stand to reason that someone who averages 175 would do fairly well with this set up.

You’d be wrong.

I got the worst score out of my group consisting of my family, including pregnant-type wife, and my brother and sister-in-law. For some reason bowling badly can set me on a tilt that would make Mike Matusow look temporally sane after a bad beat. No idea what sets off such a stupid reaction since its bowling, and bowling for fun at that (well, 1st thru 20th place do get $1,000). Since I wasn’t anywhere near the scores needed for the cash, I decided to drink like a college freshman during Rush Week. Beers were slammed, I drank something putrid called a Mexican Snowshoe, add in a few Cap’n Cokes and you have one skinny, drunk Minnesotan with his live bankroll in his pocket and 5 minutes away from a casino.

Foreshadowing to total loss? Naw.

Unless my parents gave me money, I ended up winning. I took some cell phone shots of the slots but have no idea how to download/email them (the phone is a Motorola, any help is appreciated). I thank my friend Burnsie for hauling my drunk ass away from a scary looking 5 handed game of spread limit and the blackjack tables, I’m certain I would have blew my meager live roll on a few hands of blackjack or a suited connector. So no live poker for this mountain of paleness unfortunately, since the poker room there doesn’t really kick into gear until later at night, and we weren’t staying overnight due to a wedding reception the next day. I spent the remainder of Saturday trying to convince myself I didn’t drink that much, though the wife reminded me 15 million and one times about how loud I snored on the ride home from the casino.

Thank god for free food the next day.

Axel’s Bonfire in Savage (one of four in the state) served as my cousin’s wedding reception spot. It’s an upper scale restaurant (in my cheeseburger and fries dining book at least) that showed a Tex-Mex motif and sported several tight t-shirt wearing female servers (not that I looked at them… much). Their “uniform” was a strange contrast to the be-suited piano player playing some light melodies that threatened to rock my hungover ass to sleep.

Killed:
Three big scoops of mozzarella cheese infused hash browns
Three big scoops of cheedar cheese coated scrambled eggs
One half rotisserie chicken
Five strips of bacon
Three sausage links
Side of Caesar salad
Three lemon poppy seed muffins
A slice of Oreo cookie cheesecake
Two mimosas
A glass of water

I didn’t even eat dinner last night due to the gluttony performed yesterday afternoon by my mouth. Those hash browns were just evil, just the right amount of crispiness and gooey cheesiness to keep my lips begging for more even after my stomach stopped processing the load of food I was shoveling down my gullet. That brunch is definitely in my top five meals of all-time, and I’d give Axel a courtesy reach-around after adding several pounds to my meager frame. Well done sir.

I did manage a little poker this weekend, despite missing the WPBT event at Full Tilt by a few minutes. Not happy about missing the double stack event, but Full Tilt wasn’t on my good side per some nasty back to back beats in a $5/$10 LO8 game that almost set me on bankroll destroying tilt. One deep breath, one click of withdrawn funds and I saved myself 15% of my bankroll by not pissing it away. Sure, the funds will go back in later this week, because I enjoy Full Tilt to the hilt, but precautionary measures need to be taken when playing two levels above your normal game suddenly looks like fun through bloodshot tilt-eyes.

To the crew that stormed the Playboy Mansion this weekend:

\m/

You guys rock. And Al, I hope my message was clear enough, I was a tad tipsy while handling the phone at the time.

Thanks for dropping by, now go read about their adventure into the land of silicone, Hef, and the girls next door. (See previous post for links)

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Playboy Poker Pleasures

I’m stuck writing about getting blue balls from dead ex-girlfriends and donkey fucking porn while these hacks get to not only play poker with Playboy playmates… they get to go to the mansion!

While I’ll be staring across the felt at Ole and Sven in their flannel coated Sundays-best, BobbyBracelet, Al, CJ, BG, and JoeSpeaker (edit: Pauly, Chad, and Spaceman are also going) will be check-raising chicks named Candi and Skylar (who will be wearing dental floss over their surgically enhanced chests) with bottom pair and firing off a quip or two about looking at the best pair they’ve seen all day.

Tilt is not a strong enough word. Rage approaches my feelings.

Good luck assholes. I just kindly request a poker chip from the game since I collect them. Or an autographed card(s) with accompanying picture (a pair of nines would calm me).

So. Mad.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I Miss Cyndi

For those who liked the idea from yesterday:

What: Become your favorite blogger and write in their “voice” (you could even change the look of your gay blog to mirror their gay blog)
When: April 1st (April Fools Day!!)
Who: Anyone who's not a douchebag or has committed douchebaggery
Why: Because poker bloggers are in touch with their sexuality enough not to be offended (I hope)

--------------------------------------------------------

I want to thank all the people for their praise on Monday’s post. I am not a writer, nor do I desire to become one, but I can shoot out a few metaphors and enjoy chatting on the virtual screen about card games, potty training, and hating the weather here in Minnesota.

Because that’s my world.

Pauly wrote a post recently about writing professionally and finding your voice. My voice is a simple one, suburban dad who is a cube monkey for a company he has worked at for over a decade (yes I’m only 31), who has a gambling gene passed down from his mother who gets free show tickets and hotel rooms from Mystic Lake despite playing nothing more then nickel slots. You won’t find me globe-trotting or tipping back mimosas at 4am with ladies of the night at the hookah bar in Vegas (maybe something to do during the next WPBT live event…). Just a regular guy with pasty white thighs, can hit a softball a decent length that’s never been called attractive except by one non-family member female (and its not my wife and that doesn’t bother me) and enjoys his “daily grind” a lot more these days.

I read recently about someone asking to become a better blogger. My advice is simple.

Be yourself.

Don’t create a persona like you did while trying to get into Cyndi’s Care Bears thong in high school. Not that I ever did that or went on a date right after a hockey game without showering and for some reason thought Duran Duran and Tears for Fears was romantic music for leading into a first kiss because I’m the exact opposite of Don Juan.

People are interesting in their own way, you may not be a pretty snowflake or the head cheerleader but you’d be surprised that people do enjoy reading about someone else’s misadventures while attending an old friend’s wedding and running into some one-night stand from 10 years ago... and find her wearing the bride’s dress. Mix that in with some poker-y goodness, a struggle at ANY limit of poker has a lesson behind it. And you’ve got yourself a readable poker blog.

As for blog traffic, not that I care for traffic but writing key words like Scarlette Johansson’s nipples found outside of a Thai whorehouse worker’s cock fighting sex farm. Will probably give you traffic, but not the kind you’re looking for. Unless you like web hits from perverted middle aged men who still live in mommy’s basement and chain smoke Marlboro Ultra Lights while beating off to bestiality porn.

Yes, I’m still playing poker with bad results. I am plugging some leaks I have while relearning limit hold em try to save a few bets here and there (giving people more credit for having that ace when it flops while holding TT, JJ, or QQ). I just hope to have a bankroll left when I’m done with the learning process.

This weekend I’ll be bowling for beers at a tournament in Cloquet, MN home of the Black Bear Casino. Hitting a strike with a red pin as the head pin wins you a frothy tap beer. Any tips on getting a decent buzz going before 10am besides the obvious Jag bombs? I bowl much better drunk then sober, it’s a fact, last weeks scores... (131 – 210 – 245) guess when I drank more.

Black Bear has a card room in which my ass will be finding a seat for a few hours, but due a family member’s wedding reception the following morning, it won’t be an all-night session. I haven’t had a profitable session there, as the ice fishermen seem to enjoy taking their crank-bait to me and scooping pots with trash hands. I’ll have to re-read Felicia’s guide for live play and put on my best fake smile after watching a 20BB pot go to someone playing pretty sOOted cards. I even have my line ready to say after such an occurance.

“Nice hand sir is that Liquid Lure XXX you’re wearing today?”

Thanks for dropping by, now if you haven’t read about Otis’ misadventures in Monte Carlo, go here to check it out. I think a swiss army knife, some tin foil, and bark from a Maple tree would have helped Richard Dean Anderson get out of that mess, but WWOD?

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

IRC Inspired Thought

I don't know if it has been done, or if people would be interested but...

How about a bizzaro world posting day?

Step into the skin of your favorite blogger (or writer's) personality/lifestyle and let loose.

Write about sleeping with three Swedish Catholic schoolgirls in the back of Jerry Garcia's van and not spilling a drop out of your water bong.

Mention those stories about playing euchre and chinese poker at 4am with Raymer and Isabelle Mercier in Monte Carlo.

Maybe its a lame idea, I dunno, I'm pretty fried after writing that post yesterday.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Just Not Today

The carpet is cool but warming up after laying here for almost an hour. On the far wall, a nightlight with a miniature baseball jersey showing a generic number 29 casts a faint glow over a wooden bat hat rack holding three caps and proclaiming the owner’s name carved out in blue letters. The homemade collage above me of baseball cards featuring Twins players from the 1991 World Championship team shows Kirby Puckett connecting on another pitch outside of the strike zone. I can smell the Scooby Doo shampoo emitting from the top of his head from his bath that resembled more splashing than an Olympic 50 meter freestyle race. A soft murmur of content, mixed in with an occasional snore lets me know that my son is finally going to sleep…

Until I try to move.



I fired up my poker trophy at 7:30 to play on Paradise’s software and get used to the controls once again as it has been a while since I’ve ordered the virtual Rum and Coke to sit on the stand next to my avatar. Almost 70 WPBT hopefuls were signed up, this is looking like fun I thought to myself, until I saw who I was seated with. Otis took up the seat that would be picking on my blinds for the reminder of the night. A thin, beautiful actress from My So Called Life, a three-times confirmed middle manager of a video rental store, some guy who plays high stakes cash games and goes on trips (heavy use of internet sarcasm used here), a copper welding specialist who finds time to beat the 15/30 game online, and a studly cock who plays Stud. At least I’ll grab some note worthy one-liners.




He pleaded to return to the couch to watch Clifford the Big Red Dog and Sagwa. He kicked and screamed as his demands were met with more “no’s” then a horny high school guy trying to score with a Mormon chick at prom. “Would you like something to drink?” “Would you like something to eat?” “How about we read a book?” “Daddy will be right outside the door” “Octopus, Lizard, and Fish are sleeping, can you sleep with them?”. His reply was the same: “I WANNA GO UP ON THE COUCH!!!”




I receive KK on my 2nd or 3rd hand and before I can be super-cool and bet some extravagant amount, the cards whoosh away like my chips did in the cash games earlier in the day. Getting KK cracked seven times in 2-3 hours does a little damage to your perception that it’s a strong hand pre-flop. I complain of course which is met by equally absurd reactions. I thank everyone for that, because without your constant ribbing I would have given up this rat race game long ago. I chip up without showing down my cards even once to about T4000 at the first break.




The cries become louder and most certainly have woken up the pregnant one upstairs. Reminders of this to the toddler do nothing as he pleads his case like a guilty drunk driver in front of a jury with a half-drunken fifth of Mad Dog 20/20 in his front pocket. Tears are shed, multiple flips from his train-shaped toddler bed are done as he tries to run for the door. I have stopped with the negotiations and resigned to just holding him which placates his need to cry.




After the second break I find two red aces staring at me while UTG. After watching it work for others in tourneys I limp in, to see ScurvyDog raise it up right after me. After folding around and a couple of re-raises my aces hold up to his unfortunate KK and I’m sitting in 3rd place. After a few more blind steals and taking down a hand from Da Gunz (I’ll let you know what I had BB, just IM me and no it wasn’t the hammer) I was sitting pretty to make a final table run with 19 people left. Then, an unmistakable cry pierced my pokery surroundings of Warrant singing about getting some sweet cherry pie.

---------------------------------

Time to be a dad.

But at first I didn’t want to, as I had a small chance of fulfilling one my three personal dreams – to play at the World Series of Poker. The wife objected to Wyatt sitting on the couch with me and of course my initial reaction was rage mixed with confusion. Almost three hours of “playing perfect poker” and I was resigned to baby sitting duties? It wasn’t until I wised the fuck up while laying on my son’s bedroom floor, with him falling asleep on my chest that I saw again why I was getting blinded away and caring less and less about it.

I am Wyatt’s father first, above and beyond anything else until I can’t rise out of bed anymore.

He needed me, and I made sure to be there for him. It scares me that I reacted the way I did, arguing to my wife about letting him fall asleep up here so I could continue with the tourney. I got selfish and could only think about what I was potentially giving up. So this morning there’s a bitter aftertaste of regret for my actions, apologies were made to my family and I got a soft wet kiss from both them to help me get through the work day despite sleeping a whole hour last night.

I saw JoeSpeaker’s final two tables of his fabulous WSOP ME qualifier run and the brutal suckout that left him with a stack of benjamins instead of a PokerStars buy in package. I asked him “how do you remain so positive after something like that?”.

“How could I be anything else” was his answer.

That answer hit home with me last night after spending two hours in my son’s room staring up at the spackled ceiling with him bobbing up and down on my chest. I found the reason why I became a father, and why it’s the best thing that will ever happen to me even if I never get to lineup at the Rio and receive a stack of colored clay chips while staring down some internet douchebag with Oakleys and the initials P.H. on his cap and call him a pussy for folding to my seven of hearts and deuce of spades (add in jack of diamonds and four of clubs if we're playing O8).

It may happen someday, just not today.

Thanks for dropping by, now go congratulate Gracie on her win and cheer her on at the WSOP!!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Give A Blogger A WSOP Buy In!

From the wee one:

See ya there tomorrow.

WPBT WSOP Satellite Tournament

March 19th - Sunday 9pm EST

Paradise Poker

$30 NL

password: email Iggy for details

Winner wins a seat in the 2006 WSOP $1500 event of their choice.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Adventures in Customer Service

All I wanted for Christmas was my two front teeth, and a raked hand count towards Party's new tiered bonus.

>>> Dear David,>>>>>>
Thank you for contacting us.>>>>>>
Your first bonus was released to your account on 13-March-2006 at 23:45.>>> Since then you played 315 raked hands. Once you meet the raked hands>>> restriction for the second bonus it will be released to your account.>>>>>>

Thank you for choosing us as your online gaming site!>>>>>>
Lorraine>>>
PartyPoker Customer Care>>> ------------------------------------------------------>>> artyPoker, WPC Productions Limited 711 Europort, Gibraltar


Faith returning to PP's customer service as I get straight answer


--Original Message-->>
From: Drizz>>
Date: 2006-03-15 23:59>>
To: info@partypoker.com>>
Subject: Re: Reply from PartyPoker.com.
[#4799673]>>>>

Thank you Lorraine, sorry to bother you again, but could you update me >> on>> how many raked hands I have towards the 2nd bonus?

Dear David,>>>>

Thank you for contacting us.>>>> For the second bonus, you are required to play raked hands 15 times equal>> to the bonus amount in 3 days from 13-MAR-2006 23:45 to 16-MAR-2006 >> 23:45.>> You are required to play 1500 raked hands within the time mentioned >> above.>>>> The raked hands for the second bonus will be updated by 6:00 AM EST. We>> request you to continue accumulating raked hands for the 2nd and 3rd>> bonus. If you feel that you have met the restriction for the bonus, the>> bonus amount will be credited to your real money account on the following>> day by 4:00 AM EST.>>>> We apologize, as due to few technical difficulties we are not able to >> give>> you the exact number of raked hands played.>>>> If you wish to know the exact raked hands played for the 2nd and the 3rd>> bonus you can contact us anytime after 6:00 AM EST.>>>> Thank you for choosing us as your online gaming site!>>>>

Arti>>
PartyPoker Customer Care>> ------------------------------------------------------>> PartyPoker, WPC Productions Limited, 711 Europort, Gibraltar>>>>

Arti, buddy, please please please forward this to Lorraine. She's got the skill set and the rack to look up those elusive numbers!


--Original Message-->
From: Drizz>
Date: 2006-03-16 18:44>
To: info@partypoker.com>
Subject: Re: Raked Hands [#4799673]>>

Can you now update me on my progress towards the second bonus? Also, how> long I have to achieve it?>>

Thanks!>>

----- Original Message ----- >
From: <info@partypoker.com>>
To: > Drizz
Sent: Thursday, March 16, 2006 7:05 AM>
Subject: Raked Hands [#4799673]>>>>


Dear David,>> Thank you for contacting us.>> We see that bonus of $100 for the code 25TO100MARCH was released to your > real money account on 13-MAR-2006 at 23:45 EST. For the second you are > required to play raked hands 15 times equal to the bonus amount in 3 days > from 13-MAR-2006 23:45 to 16-MAR-2006 23:45. You are required to play 1500 > raked hands within the time mentioned above.>> We request you to continue accumulating raked hands for the 2nd and 3rd > bonus.>> For the third bonus you need to play 20 times the bonus amount in raked > hands within 3 days of receiving the 2nd bonus>> We would like to assure you that the raked hands played by you towards the > bonus are being recorded by our system. If you have played the required > number of raked hands on a particular day the bonus would be credited to > your account by 10am on the following day.>> For example if you finish playing the required number of raked hands by > 23:59 on the 15th, your bonus will be added by 10am on the 16th. However, > if you finish playing the required number of raked hands at 00:01 on the > 16th then your bonus will be added by 10 am on the 17th.>> Thank you for choosing us as your online gaming site!>>

Arti>
PartyPoker Customer Care> ------------------------------------------------------> PartyPoker, WPC Productions Limited, 711 Europort, Gibraltar>>


Arti didn't get the message again, READ THE WORDS AS THEY COME OUT OF MY MOUTH,


RAKED
HAND
COUNT
PLEASE



--Original Message--From: Drizz
Date: 2006-03-17 00:28
To: info@partypoker.com
Subject: Re: Raked Hands [#4799673]

Please read what I am asking...I would like an update on the amount of raked hands I have completed towards the 2nd bonus since there is no way to do so thru "My Account".

Thank you.
David

----- Original Message -----
From: <info@partypoker.com>
To: Drizz
Sent: Friday, March 17, 2006 1:50 AM
Subject: Raked Hands [#4799673]>



Dear David,

Thank you for contacting us.I understand it would be very helpful for you to check how many raked hands you have played and how far you are from the bonus. However, at this point of time, because of few technical constraints, you would not be able to check the details and we would not be able to provide you the exact number. Please do not worry about the raked hands count. There is no problem with the number of raked hands to be played for the second and the third match bonuses and for the updation of hands. The updation might take some time but the hands will surely get updated. Please note that you have 7 days to meet the requirements for the second bonus. Incase you meet the restrictions within 3 days, you would be eligible for the third bonus and you will again have 7 days to meet the requirements.You can continue to play the raked hands and they will be counted towards the second and then the third bonus. The second and third match bonuses would NOT reflect in the bonus account. A direct transaction would be done. Hence, the raked hands played by you after meeting the requirement for the first issued bonus would still count for the second and the third match bonuses. If you have completed playing required raked hands the amount will be directly credited to your real money account.Thank you for choosing us as your online gaming site!

Sagar
PartyPoker Customer Care
PartyPoker, WPC Productions Limited, 711 Europort, Gibraltar


Wasn't Sagar in the video game "Street Fighter"? Maybe he took one too many of Ken's fireballs to the cranial region.

I gave up on asking, but the bonus DID credit this morning. So for those of you how are clearing this bonus keep your own tally on Pokertracker as our fine non-English speaking friends are pulling off a virtual Three Stooges show.

Enjoy your weekend!!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

A Different Skill Set

We interrupt this post for some cold weather whining:

Shoveling snow at 4:45am FUCKING SUCKS.

Now on to the program.

If you’re not filling out your bracket this morning or trying to get the skinny on Dick Vitale’s diaper dandies this morning then you’re either:

a) reading this from outside the continental US and are more concerned about Footie on the pitch or something like that

b) got so drunk in Austin last night that you’re trying to figure out how that new tattoo of David Sklansky got on your chest and why there’s bars on the window of your bedroom

c) haven’t read Tom Bayes’ break down of why UCONN will win this year (a must read for college hoops fans)

I filled out about five brackets and just picked random teams except to make sure that Syracuse lost in the first round of each one of them out of spite. GO BIG TEN!!! WHOO WHOO!! Indiana vs. Ohio State final? You know it!

That’s as about as likely to happen as Al refusing a shot of SoCo during a Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl party. Or Lindsay Lohan eating a sandwich. Have I mention she should eat a little? Please. Curves good, Twiggy bad. Sloppy joes Ms. Lohan?

Speaking of eats, I dropped by one of my favorite restaurant/bars in Maple Grove last night. The Lookout has a happy hour special menu you can’t beat. I got 2 pounds of full size broasted chicken wings, excellent BBQ sauce, while the wife got a plate of mini burgers and fries, and Little Drizz got a full basket of chicken fingers for… three bucks a plate. Add in a stiff Cap’n Coke (now I have a tolerance for Captain Morgan not-even-close to Al’s tolerance for SoCo but to the amateur alcohol consumer it would seem vast) for $2.50 and you’ve got a deliciously filling dinner for under $15 even with tip. As we were leaving the bar was setting up for their weekly poker tournament and I pondered about partaking in this, but the wife’s “don’t piss me off I’m pregnant and you’re an asshole for even looking at that felt” eyes and Little Drizz’s ass informed us that we should be moving along… quickly before the toddler turned into a stink bomb. Did I mention potty training is getting better? He actually told us BEFORE taking a dump in his Bob the Builder underoos that he needed go.

Small steps.

The little one went to bed after a story was read about Tigger trying to find a bouncing partner (cause that’s what Tiggers do best) I fired up my email to see that I reached someone at PartyPoker without a Hindu name (not that Shiejvkani V. couldn’t help just as much) and she actually answered my question about how many raked hands I’ve completed. Well done ma’am, now if you answer my second email without a canned response, I just may leave my money at the site for future play.

The Hold Em’ multi-tabling went fairly well as I managed a small profit of $20 after 8-10 tabling for 2.5 hours. Yes, aces were cracked twice, and someone managed a runner runner or two, but them are the breaks and a profit is a profit. It was a little bit of adjustment from the nut sitting ways of O8 as I cranked up the aggression in spots and was awarded with several uncontested pots. The only problem was I did not get paid off on pots were I hit sets or a nut straight, yes I even tried slowplaying once or twice. Did the low stakes PP players suddenly receive a fold button? Granted there were a couple of times I wish I’d found my fold button when betting top two into a flopped set.

Well played Drizz.

It’s nice to switch up to the game after grinding away on the PLO8 tables for several months. Bonus whoring is just that, it’s not actually poker, because you’re only concerned with two things: Raked hands and Not losing more then what the bonus is worth. Granted you TRY to be profitable but blowing thru those raked hands at max speed is the goal. I may even visit my old friend Interpoker and scoop up their monthly bonus despite only running two PLO8 games on the site.

Taking a break by playing more? I never said I made sense, in fact if you understand the scribbling that I put on these pages for mass internet consumption give yourself a gold star and a waffle cone of mint ice cream with a Kit-Kat and Heath bar mashed into it at Coldstone. I heard its good eats.

PLO8 plays itself out 95% of the time, got the nuts, bet, don’t and are bet into, fold, have a big draw, call. But that will net you a break-even player as the cards will smooth out over time and you’ll need to semi-bluff a little, build a pot while chasing draws, and call down that maniac with only two pair when you would normally fold. To me the game is much more thinking then just “wait for the nuts and bet”, but in the same regards its not “run over the table with wild potpotpotpotpotpotpotpotpot all in” type betting. Somewhere there’s a happy medium of aggression and rockishness. When I find it, I’ll be sure to throw it on here for the few Omatards that want to play this silly game.

Thanks for dropping by, now head over to Pauly’s site and join up with Pauly’s Pub (payment coming tonight sir!) on ESPN… you’ve got a few hours left till Syracuse loses err… till the NCAA tournament officially begins and people start hating Billy Packer for being Billy Packer.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Mind Games

Multi tabling hasn’t been the source of poker salvation, yet. The ability to concentrate, yet make semi-intelligent decisions with limited time is still eluding me at the tables. Last night’s six tabling of Party’s bottom barrel PLO8 games I can count four hands that put me into a “heavy day” of crimson red for the night, and it wasn’t “bad luck”. It was more “what the fuck were you doing in the hand”. The type of plays that someone with basic knowledge of the game (being beat by someone holding KKKT doesn’t matter) would know to walk away from after the flop and seeing the bleak draws and move on to the next hand. Granted I missed some huge draws which cost me a couple of stacks, but those were calculated risks that are necessary to becoming a profitable PLO8 player.

Am I profitable? Maybe a little bit.

Do I feel SMRT? No.

My biggest barrier has been the psychological aspects of the game. I get too distracted by other things, yet need those distractions to keep my sanity while playing. Yeah, that sentence almost makes sense doesn’t it? Try to follow one of my posts and I’ll usually lead you to some porn reference, just not today because my head is so scrambled from workhomekidweatherpregnantwifepokerstupidfuckingidiotswhocantdrivewith
snowonthegroundandneedtotalkontheirgoddamncellphoneswhilerunningover
poodlesandgirlscoutswhoarejusttryingtosellafewboxesofthinmintstoaddicts
likeme. I need the distractions because they keep me from realizing it’s a tank of gas, groceries, or in the larger games my monthly utility and cable bill that I just threw into the pot on a draw/semi-bluff/holding the current nuts begging for a fold. Scared money is better used in reference to seeing the latest slasher flick at your local over-priced Cineplex or currently holding on to your Barry Bonds memorabilia collection with small hopes that he didn’t pump himself up with the old East German Olympic team and the collection being worth as much as torn Beanie Babies.

I don’t see the scared money when I’m rocking to Arena Rock, or watching CSI. I just see cards for a few seconds and try to make an informed decision on how to play the hand based on the board, and what little I remember from prior hands. But my problem isn’t all the scared money I’m putting into play, it’s the hands where I can already see that the probable outcome is not in my favor yet I still call/raise.

A mental block.

How does someone overcome it? I’ll leave that question open to my two or three readers because at the moment the answer is about as straightforward as receiving an email from PartyPoker’s customer service.

Speaking of which, I received the canned response from PP as expected yesterday when I inquired about where I was in clearing their tiered bonus (the first part does show up in your “pending bonus” section).

Instead of giving me:

a) my current count of raked hand (as requested)
b) a link to where I can find out how many hands I’ve played

I got the same information as found by anyone who signed up for the bonus in the first place. Thanks guys! I needed this to remind me as to why I hate PartyPoker, yet feel the need to play there once in a while when I can avoid their customer service like avoiding that obese aunt with the funky cheese smell emitting from her lower regions at a cousin’s wedding when the DJ spins The Electric Slide and wants you in her row.

No one wants to dance with funky cheese.

Thanks for dropping by, now if this post makes absolutely no sense then I’ll know to stop posting after getting three hours of sleep. Peace.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Minnesota Is Where the Home Is
















Just two days ago, this mat never saw a flake of snow


















At least someone was happy about the 8 inches of snow that fell.


















This is me giving all of you warm weather people the "Minnesota One Finger Salute".


Thanks for dropping by, now if anyone is clearing the PartyPoker "tiered" bonus this month, please let me know if the bonus is supposed to show up in your pending bonuses stage after clearing the first 1000 hands. I emailed their customer service but after reading Matt Maroon's attempt to change his address I'm not liking my chances of getting a coherent response in English.

For those who like the pokery stuff here's the Spaceballs short-short version, minus Princess Vespa.

Seven tabled $25PLO8 at Party = Cleared bonus + $50 profit
DADI: Pushed with 99, called by 88, 8 on the turn = me still hating tourneys

Monday, March 13, 2006

Because I Like Something for Nothing

Bloggers Championship I am registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Freeroll
Win your share of $25,000 and a set
of Nevada Jacks poker chips.
Hosted By: Absolute Poker
Sponsored By: Poker Source Online
Registration Code: 63478945

You've Got To Be Kidding Me


Ah, back in my cube monkey domicile. My mind is running a mile a minute due to some wonderful emails proclaiming my incorrect judgment on some business type matters. I’d like to thank people for helping me with those decisions, because when I ask for information to be verified I really want you to give me old/outdated/incorrect information so I have to do three times the work to get it corrected. Awesome!

Pissy mood?

Spot on.

The weather outside isn’t helping. Apparently no one informed the state that snow/rain/ice isn’t allowed until next year after a gorgeous weekend which I almost got some sun on my pasty white thighs while taking Little Drizz around the block for a walk. I guess improving the pigment on my alabaster legs will have to wait until sometime in May. We even went out to Sports Authority yesterday to pick up a soccer net for Wyatt to punt his mini ball into, but mother nature intended other things as we’re move likely to build snow castles then sand castles tonight.

For some reason I have “I Saw Red” by Warrant playing over and over in my head. Maybe I should stop falling asleep with Arena Rock playing in the background.

It was an uneventful beginning for yours truly in the WPBT Player of the Year race last night. With the game being Pot Limit Omaha, and seeing that I’ve played Omaha once or twice, I liked my chances of a final table. Beginning table looked soft enough while staring back at Arnold, Spaceman Spiff, Change100, TripJax, and Doubleas. These bums don’t know how to play poker do they? I sighed heavily as I figured I’d at least get $22 worth of conversation out of these wunderkinds of poker’s written word. Ok they may not be child prodigies but damn, to accomplish so much in such a short time with this beloved card game of ours its phe-nom-ial.

Enough with the circle jerk, lets play some cards.

I was beat down early by Tennessee’s own Spaceman trouncing of my flopped set of queens, I had to release them after a turned card put a straight and two big flush draws on the board. I got lucky quickly after that as I flopped a top full house vs. Doubleas’ underfill and he was kind enough not to river quads. Then while holding KQJJ and a flop of T 9 3, I called a min bet from TripJax to see a wonderful J hit the turn (get it Trip Jacks vs. TripJax har har har, ok I’m officially a dork). With the nut straight and top set I pushed all in to win after avoiding his flush draw plus ass-end of the straight.

Soon after Doubleas parted ways with us, our table was split up and I found my last home of the evening. 9th out 33 left with an above average stack I was feeling good, much the Arizona Cardinals are after picking up Edgerrin James this weekend.

Did you hear that sound? That’s the 10 million fantasy football players who have James as a keeper in their league rushing to their keyboards trying to trade him. Maybe Denny “Let’s run a draw play on third and long every time” Green can take the futility out of the Cards with this pick up and a top receiving core, but besides money I don’t see logic behind James’ move. Nicer weather and close to ASU’s campus for party central?

Oh, I was playing poker wasn’t I. Yeah, I swam around with my same stack for a few orbits till I ran my AA5J into a set of threes, my 10 outs twice didn’t hit and I was left to go search for hardcore hentai midget porn. Initially I was a little tiffed to be beaten by a hand like 3399, but I can point to overplaying my aces with additional outs a little too hard as my downfall. That and no one likes pussy poker, folding is pansies and guys with too much hair gel (leave it to BobbyBracelet to find this stuff).

--------------------------------------------------------------------

For those poker bonus hunters out there, PokerStars and PartyPoker are currently offering reload bonuses.

Stars of course is the 20% up to $120 and never expires bonus that they offer occasionally. It is redeemable after acquiring 600 base FPPs (or VPPs if you earn multiple FPPs for being a VIP currently). And if that last sentence contained my acronyms then your basic military reference book, hop over to the website for details.

PartyPoker’s current offer is more for the multi-tabling crew as they want you to play 1000 raked hands in seven days 25% up to $100. BUT THERE’S MORE! If you play 1000 raked hands in three days, you can try for 1500 raked hands of an additional $100 bonus (no additional deposit required but you cannot withdraw while clearing the bonus). And if your brain hasn’t been reduced to tapioca pudding, after clearing that bonus one more $100 can be grabbed by finishing 2000 hands in three more days.

The bonus whore in me wants to complete all three as free money sounds pretty damn good after the taint kicking I’ve taken lately. Hats off to Nerd for being able to multi-table like a champ, because after 10 tabling $25 PLO8 tables for 2 hours I feel like Duane Bobbick after one round with Norton (yea for Rounders quotes!!!). And with a short session of four tabling before the WPBT event, I only have 83 hands left to clear the first tier of the bonus AND I managed to snag a $22 profit from playing. If I stop speaking gibberish by mid day I’ll be returning to Party tonight to attempt to clear the second tier of the bonus.

Apologies to Johnny Mac for using his line today, but it’s been a trying last few days.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you haven’t checked out Lord Byron’s page for the WPBT events calendar, please do so now. And don’t miss DADI 4: Shorthanded Hold Em’ tonight on Stars! If you want to see a fish out of water, search for Drizztdj tonight at Stars for this tourney. I prefer full ring games and hold em’ is too confusing for this Omatard.

Friday, March 10, 2006

WPBT Player of the Year Event #1

WPBT Events are starting up again, so if you're a blogger and you don't suck make you sign up!!!

Hop on the link for the big announcement, or read it below!!

Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for.

Alright all you competition driven bloggers, spread the word:

Announcing the first event in the WPBT-POY Race!

What: Pot-Limit Omaha

Where: PokerStars (Private Tourney 20742121) (password wpbt72)

When: Sunday, March 12th at 9:30 PM EST (that's 6:30 PM PST, according to the supercomputer I use to keep track of time-zone changes).

Cost: $20+2 (couldn't make a $15 tourney and there were slightly more votes for $20 than $10)Requirements: Be a poker blogger who wants to take part in this year-long experiment.

The poker blogging requirements will be light. Even if you post as often as Hdouble, or mention as much poker as AlCantHang, you are good. This rule will be enforced on an honor system. Non-bloggers will not be eligible for the title and the as yet unannounced prize at the end of the year.

POY-Race: From a biweekly series of events (buy-in between $15 and $20) points will be allotted according to the PokerStars tourney formula (buy-in, placement and number of entries are used to figure points). The winner will be announced at the December WPBT gathering, with the December WPBT event counting as the final event towards the race. See previous post for the origin of the rules. Events will be alternated between PokerStars and FullTilt.(If you are a reader that really wants to play, start a sham blog.

You might find yourself making the hideous transformation into a poker-blogger. Before I was a blogger, I was a blog-reader. One of the things that pulled me into this crazy fold was my desire to play in the blogger-only events.)

Watch this site or the WPBT calendar (link at right) for events. Suggestions for events are welcome. The rules will remain as they have been laid out here. Minor changes may occur throughout the year based on majority voting.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Lunch Time!














Plus

























Plus
















Equal crazy delicious lunch.

Sometimes You Win, But Really Lose



"Billy, sometimes you win but really lose, and sometimes you lose but you really win"

- Gloria Clemente "White Men Can't Jump"

If you’ve ever played Omaha 8 or better, especially Pot Limit you have run into getting quartered. Yes you are awarded part of the pot WHOO WHOO CHIPS COMING MY WAY BABY SHIP IT!!! But you actually lost money on the whole deal because someone else had the same high hand or low hand as you have and they won the other half outright. Getting quartered in Pot Limit is only one step behind getting scooped since it can cost you half of your stack (or more) when it occurs. Trying to avoid/limit the damage done by being quartered is crucial to becoming a profitable O8 player.

One big mistake that many beginning PLO8 players face is overplaying the nut low with no chance at the high half of the pot. There’s a place and time to apply pressure when hitting the nut low and maybe if I ever get some of my brain cells back after leaving most of them in Vegas, I’ll try to apply those thoughts into internet print. Now most low stakes players up to $1/$2 (but I’ve seen it higher as well) tend to shove too many chips into the pot when they flop a nut low and have no counterfeit protection.

Counterfeit protection is having a third wheel card (A,2,3,4,5 are wheel cards for the newer players out there) in case your nut low becomes paired (Example: You hold A27K and the flop comes 3 6 7, you currently have the nut low, but now a deuce comes on the turn and your low still reads 7632A, but someone with A4XX or A5XX now has a better low 6432A and 6532A). You do have two pair now, but someone with A4 or A5 is now freerolling for the low half of the pot, not to mention they called your flop bet meaning A45X or a set isn’t out of the question. Much like holding a mid-pair on a board of broadway cards in Hold Em’, a counterfeited low leaves you in no man’s land to get quartered or scooped, and you’ll end up having to procede with caution. Instead of overplaying ALL A2XX hands, try to have at the very least one other low card to compliment this strong holding (3, 4, 5 with an A2 is premium).

I wish I could wax poetic poker advice into a semi-readable format like Hank or Felicia (the fish psychology post is a must read) but I’m that kid the teacher’s hated because he’d solve problems without being able to tell you how got to the solution.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last night the wife and Little Drizz retired early and with the Minnesota State H.S. Hockey tournament on, I settled in for some poker and hockey goodness.

Three hours played, four tournament entered, two rings games = 23 cents profit

I know that’s the hourly wage for a shoeshine boy in Haiti, but in the US it won’t even buy you a gumball at your local bowling alley. Sure I could take the low road and say “well if THAT hand would have won then I’d won more money blah blah blah blah”. I did take some beats but I also correctly laid down a straight flush and quads last night! Holy shit I rule at poker!

That was internet sarcasm at its worst folks.

I did manage to cash in two of the four MTT tourneys played, as Jordan (not of NKOTB so he says…) and TripJax got me to donate towards one of these 45 person SnGs that I have not played before. I bombed in the SnG as it was a turbo tourney and pretty Aces with picture cards failed to come through (another way of saying “I suck” by running into bigger Aces, well played sir).

Dime Tourney at Stars came up next as I battled my way to 595th place… too bad they paid 594th 13 cents. Hell, I could have bought a refurbished piece of colored lint! There’s something funny yet sad about bubbling in a dime tourney, kind of like accidentally knocking over the retarded kid in a school yard game of kickball in grade school. I just don’t quite know how to react to bubbling after playing for over an hour with no rewards, but feel retarded for even mentioning it.

I did cash in another dollah MTT tourney at Stars while getting taunted by an internet pro after he “trapped” my Kings vs. his Aces pre-flop. He went on to hit four full houses in the next two hours and still had a sizable stack when I finally bowed out. I say internet pro because this guy had a railbird who was sucking his cock in chat over the two hours I was at his table and he was making GREAT LAYDOWNS like not calling 200 more all in from me with 2K in the pot and him having 7K behind. At some point and time I hope to become as skilled as this future WPT finalist. U rOOl LOLOLOLOL!!!

The final tourney was my favorite PLO8 tourney at Full Tilt. I don’t get to play in this nightly tourney very often since the wife and Little Drizz are still up, but while the family is away the Omaholic will play! I battled thru 108 rebels without a clue to get into the money after two and half hours. SCORE!

Or is it a score… You see, the tournament cost $11 and I was awarded $10.40 for 18th place.

Sometimes you win, but you really lose.

Thanks for dropping by, now check out this very cool maze. Levels one and two are fairly easy, but I can’t seem to finish level three. It comes with sound effects so have your speakers turned up.

The Results of yesterday's tournament hand... My thought (or lack of) process that they both held big aces. And they did, giving me an almost 70% chance to triple up late in a tourney.

But a dirty four-outer hit the flop and I was out. Dem da breaks. And thank you all for the comments and suggestions!! That's the type of help I need, looking at the same hand from different angles.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

When Is It My Turn?


I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

-- Confucius (Chinese Philosopher) 551-479 B.C.

When is it my turn?

If you don’t ask this question of yourself while playing poker, you probably a) just won a MTT or had a “decent” cash b) are a cash game player who’s “running hot”, or c) too new to poker to realize the variance swings because your skill is like super-awesome and you never lose.

When is my turn for a positive result?

Do I need to sacrifice some KEM cards while quoting Super System 2 around a bonfire made from burning PartyPoker hats? Do I need to embrace my inner donkey and “go for the suckout”?

Something needs to be scraped from my current “game plan” while playing tourneys. It seems as though I get a whiff of that big cash, much like walking by a Krispy Kreme as they’re making fresh donuts, only to have the doughy, sprinkly goodness swiped away by the pregnant wife at the last moment leaving me a single sprinkle on my finger and wanting more then ever.

What’s the game plan?

Read more books? I know I should, but reading more books doesn’t change those two outers hitting at critical times during a tourney. Realizing the gambling part of poker has been my greatest struggle lately. Knowing that I’m only “putting my money in with the best of it” doesn’t equate to “I’m going to win”. This has been the toughest lesson to grasp, and many poker players never grasp it, choosing to cop-out (I’m guilty of this) by berating the player who hit his 4% chance on the river.

So you just lost due to a “tough beat”, were you ok with putting your money in the middle? Was there someway you could have profited from your play but avoided the showdown that didn’t favor you?

Case in point: JJ in the BB with a little bit below par stack 16 from the money in a PokerStars 180-person SnG, you’ve been raised by a big stack 5XBB in MP that has tried to bully the table, he was called by another MP player that has shoved his stack in with two poor hands yet came out ahead, he also has engaged in a flame war for the past 15 minutes after one such “suckout” and has you covered, the rest of the table folds to you. Your play?

Fold, Call, or Shove?


Folding leaves you with roughly 9 BBs and you would be the short stack of the tourney and BobbyBracelet will call you a PUSSY for the remainder of Lent.

Calling leaves you with 5BBs and zero fold-equity should you try a give-and-go. Folding after the flop doesn’t seem plausible for a run at 1st place. Maybe for squeaking into the money if that’s your destination should the flop seem unfavorable. But scrapping along for the next hour to do so, doesn’t seem like good strategy. I’m probably wrong about this.

Shoving at least makes the big stack think about calling since its more then 1/3rd of his stack despite getting fairly good odds to call for a coin-flip, and if the other MP has a strong ace (since he did not shove I could not put him on AA, KK, or QQ) you’ve eliminated an out for both of them. Plus you get maximum value on your chips should both MP players call.

Motivational poster from Al and Gracie for our resident poker experts we play against on the $2/$4 tables. Too bad they don't have their "wins" etched on their hats like the goofballs I ran into a month ago in the bar tourneys at Alleygators in Maple Grove.

Tomorrow I’ll turn over their cards and post the results. I appreciate any and all comments/suggestions because this is the one part of playing tournaments that I get stuck on and could some help.

Thanks for dropping by, now check out this article about the blogosphere helping out the world’s largest retailer… but Wal-Mart being stingy enough to not comp the bloggers airfare to attend a “media conference” to benefit their company (last few sentences).

I akin this to buying tickets to a rock concert then being forced to go on stage and play the instruments yourself while the cover band sits off to the side with their 10 pound brick of Columbian white and case of Jack Daniels nodding to your Midwestern accented replay of “Sweet Home Alabama”. Business like in poker… you need to spend money to make money, then again they ARE a $300 Billion dollar company for a reason and I’m a little cube monkey who check-raises douchebags on $100 and $200 PLO8 tables.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

... And We'll See You Tomorrow Night!



Kirby Puckett 1960 - 2006

May people remember how you contributed to the community as a ball player and a humanitarian. You are the Minnesota Twins, you made this kid dial the ticketlines for three hours straight trying to snag a deep seat for Game Seven after Ron Gant could do nothing but gawk at your Spiderman catch off the plexiglass. Then sent all the Homer Hanky waving Metrodome fans into a frenzy unseen in Minnesota since that night by delivering the crushing home run in the bottom of the 11th.

I think anyone of school age in Minnesota called in sick to spend the day after Game Seven on Hennepin Avenue or glued to a TV set watching our triumphant heroes bring another one home to the land of 10,000 lakes. Not hearing Bob Casey announce “… and in Center Field Kirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrby Puckett” at a Twins game made the game a little less fun to attend, thus I’ve only been to a handful since your premature retirement. Thank you for letting us view your talents and share your enthusiasm for the game of baseball on the biggest of stages.

May you rest in peace Kirby.

Monday, March 06, 2006

I'd Like To Thank The Acad...


Oh, its time for Jimmy Kimmel Live???

My bad.

A shot clock on the speech for the biggest award, in the biggest yearly award show for films and “Crash” gets called for a 30 second lane violation because we needed to watch some overpriced commercial and hurry up to get to watch Ben Stein’s question reader’s late night show.

Good call ABC!!

I admit to not wanting to watch the Oscars since I go to a movie in a theater about once every Presidential election year (however Curious George was pretty cool). But some ladies mentioned various orbs of flesh bouncing in and out of ten thousand dollar dresses and I’m impartial to watching such things so why not lose some money playing poker while “Girls Gone Mild: Oscars Edition” was on.

Queen L. looked very pretty, Selma could talk in double speak and I’d hang on every vowel, but the rest looked like they’ve chewing on tree bark and leaves. As I’ve pleaded to Lindsay Lohan “EAT A FUCKIN SANDWICH ALREADY!!!”. Is it the Matterhorn sized tables of coke (not the caffeine-free stuff)? Or Jenny Craig's Extreme dieting for actors who want to look like they’re on a hunger strike for the mistreatment of people trying to give an acceptance speech for the biggest Oscar of all? The only sports analogy I could think of that would be worst was cutting into Suzy Kolber as she’s interviewing the Super Bowl MVP on the stage at the 50 yard line right after the game has ended and cutting off Hines Ward mid-sentence to replay the Brown N’ Bubbly abortion of a commercial then going straight to the local news story about Ole Petersen’s struggle with the dependency on using too much lye in his lutefisk.

But, I don’t know much about film or Hollywood so hop over to our film industry expert for her takes on the night (I’m sure she’ll have a post up soon about the Oscars).

Poker is bad for me right now as I’m struggling with the variance concept. My one big win this weekend came after a draw hit, instead of nailing a decent hand with good pre-flop cards. I watched huge pots get shoved in directions of people who played poor cards pre-flop, worst post-flop, and still hit their (insert under 5 outer whine here).

But, I trudge on.

The bankroll has been getting hit more then Anna Benson’s husband lately but I feel comfortable with the losses despite those fat pots not going my way. Another psychological brain-fart that’s entered my few brain waves that still fire occasionally… folding the winning hand. Its not bad enough that you lost due to I_BANG_Sheep69’s two outer hitting, but watching your draw come in after folding when the pot/implied odds were not there for you to continue with hand. You probably sit there looking at those virtual chips getting shuttled off into someone else’s hand and wonder why you folded your inside straight draw to three all-in’s KNOWING your card was coming. Over time it evens out I’m told, or have read in the many tomes of poker verbage out there for consumption.

This is what separates the poker players from the gamblers. The ability to wait out variance and not to go bust because of some bad breaks and start chasing cards. I hope to become a poker player someday, like tomorrow :) Right now I struggle with choosing the right games, knowing when to gamble and when to conserve, and how to handle losing streaks (continue playing at the same level, move down, etc…).

One thing for sure, I can handle losing to friends 100 times better then a random internet avatar. A home game was called out on Friday and yours truly was in charge of herding the cats together for a night of Texas Hold Em’ (cause we don’t play dem 4 or 7 card games ‘round here). About 15 guys gathered over at my brother’s house for a fun night of slinging cards and insults about not getting out enough. I won’t go into detail but I managed two cashes, two bubble finishes in four tourneys, and one neatly placed hangover as we started at eight o’clock and didn’t deal out the final suckout until past three in the morning and still managed to bring Little Drizz to Chuck E Cheese for Skee-ball and greasy pizza goodness seven hours after getting home! When your life is work, potty training, and a 17 inch monitor filled with blinking lights, an occasional “guys night out” is needed (in a non-Brokeback way, but not that there’s anything wrong with that).

I love being a dad and a husband but I need to be Dave once in a while to keep my sanity.

Thanks for dropping by, now go congratulate Otis on yet another major cash in a tourney. No, it was not the World Series of Pai Gow but he’ll have the buy-in covered should such an event ever comes out. Get the salty dogs and padded floors ready.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Bent Over In the Morning


Shortly after misclicking my rivered full house I got it all in AA vs. KK and someone on Stars rivered me for a one outer for a full stack.

I love poker.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Deal or No Deal?

Watching Deal or No Deal on NBC is like watching that high priced stripper cousin at your family BBQ, its fun to watch the bouncing boobs but you feel dirty doing it. This show is dumb on many levels yet I continue to scream at the contestants not to take suitcase #9!!!!! Yes Howie is a tool and could use a little comedy workshop, there’s so many chances for him to do a little improv yet the show relies on pre-arranged family and audience meetings for comedic “value”. Bor-ing. Cut those, the 15 million commercials, and let everyone hear the Banker actually laugh when the $750,000 prize gets wiped off the board. Maybe the Banker could throw in a few quips (“nice pick lady, I’ve seen better decisions made by a blind man at a trailer park brothel”). All in all its good, mindless content that people need after a day at work.

Speaking of mindless… how does Tuan Le win? I know the taped shows of the World Poker Tour are paired down so they have a two hour show, but good god I haven’t seen a luckbox that size since some factory workers bought a bunch of Powerball tickets. I still feel I had the winning ticket but the drawing was rigged. Is it bad poker to play AJo for a raise? Not necessarily, or as most players would put in “it depends”. Is it bad to call a re-raise and an all-in? Probably. Again, I couldn’t see all of the hands that were not aired but Danny Boy looked like he was gritting his teeth during his bustout interview while singing the praises of the aggression level that Le showed. Win lucky or win dumb, either way, Le won the coinflips and the dished out the suckouts to take home the prize in the WPT Battle of the Champions III, which marked a new year of airing the WPT tourneys on the Travel Channel. If you don’t like it when the worst hand wins, at least Courtney Friel is easy on the eyes, as she can also be seen in a pictorial in March’s issue of FHM magazine.

Since we’re on the issue of playing poker, congrats to Joanne for taking down the Chicks vs. Champ tourney last night. Maudie the Bloggin Bulldog, showed everyone how to play big stack poker and was one card away from first prize, but Joanne’s set of fours on the river turned the tide. The Champ held on to his rusted Ford F-150’s bumper long enough to not spill a drop of his beloved Budweiser and take a third place finish. Despite the long odds against (and the peanut gallery rooting for the ladies) his finish could be the springboard performance needed to finally make the decision to go pro especially after the historic Kid Rock ticket tourney win at his local Buffalo Wild Wings. Patient Zero (who was sick… again) and the always enchanting Mrs. Blood (who also plays under BadBlood_44 but lets her husband claim he plays the account so he has something to write about) rounded out the mammary mob. Everyone played an excellent game, thanks to all the contestants for a fun tourney to watch!

Seeing all that pokery action made me lust for a little myself as I popped into some high stakes action on a .02/.04 LHE table with Mike and later on a .02/.04 LO8 table with AlCantReadRayZeeWhileBreakingUpBarFights. I lost 53 BBs at the Hold Em’ table as Mike’s suckout power was stronger then mine, despite me hitting a 25 BB pot with the hammer. In true hammer fashion, the second deuce hit the river. As for O8 I manged a decent 71BB score when the Omatards decided that me and Al were capping the betting with air, only to see us split the pot with identical wheels. If only people played like that at the $5/$10 LO8 and PLO8 tables (sometimes they do, but it’s rare).

In honor of the Nerd, I tried out these multi-tabling SnGs thing. Basically you stack them and thanks to Stars’ wonderful software, the table with the most urgent action magically pops to the forefront when its your turn. Very cool. My finishes with two “sets” of four: 2, 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 5, 7 and no I wasn’t squeaking into the money, all but two of the bustouts were due to me having the advantage when the money went in. Playing these didn’t seem like Poker though; it was more like playing catcher in a baseball game with a pitcher who threw some decent heat.

Sit and react.

Granted there are some decisions to be made, and with my gaming background it helped that I was able to make the decisions and click rather quickly but it took the depth out of game. Is the 3 seat passive after raising, what does a min raise mean from the 5 seat, what the fuck is the 8 seat doing watching midget porn while holding that 2-liter bottle of pop and a jar of peppermint lotion? Since this was only my first time bringing up a “set” of SnGs I cannot bias against those who profit from doing this but doesn’t playing like this seem hollow? I’ll try it again tonight and go for a “set” of 8 and maybe 12 if I have positive results from the first set.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you haven’t noticed my blogroll to the right has grown in recent weeks please check them out!

And just because this damn song is in my head... Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Merry Ash Wednesday


Shout out to all those getting the sign of the cross in ashes put across their foreheads today. I will not be attending mass since I don’t believe in the necessity of listening to the same program week in week out and a sermon that I can’t hear/understand anyway. I do believe in God, and may pick up my practicing Catholic card in the future but right now I don’t see a reason to attend mass except for weddings and funerals. I’ve always seen religion as a club activity; go if you want, when you want, maybe that’s why I don’t consider myself a person who currently believes in religion. People may disagree and state things like you are not a (insert your favorite deity worshipping practice here) if you do not actively participate in the church/synagogue/temple/dancing naked around a bonfire.

These are the type of zealots I detest. Go thump your bible and rosary elseware sir.

Ok, that’s my first and last postings on organized religion. There’s two subjects I rarely if ever broach: Politics and Religion. Reason? Nothing EVER comes good from discussing the subjects. Wanna piss off a room full of friends? Chat up about your religious and political differences or just tell your friend you banged his wife last night and she wasn’t as good as she was at his bachelor party. He may gain some insight into what you're telling him (that you're a dick for having more sex with his wife then he has in the past month), but he won’t want to listen to it because he already knows she’s bad in bed. Just like the friend has already has heard the arguments on the political cartoons that have caused the Danish people to come under fire for the first time since they allowed McDonald’s to bastardize their wonderful creamy pastries. A danish isn’t Danish is it?

Oh well, I be stupid.

My point is only in very rare cases (read Tri-Clops) does a political/religious discussion actually produce something informative without breaking friendships. I doubt CJ, GRob, and Otis would stop talking to each other based on posting their honest convictions. Personally I find it very refreshing to read their different takes on the same subject and with all three being journalist, having the ability to verse their opinions in a readable format even for cavemen like me . You guys are onto something and hope you’ll continue it.

Personally, I’d rather discuss something like playing 99 UTG on the bubble of a MTT with a shortstack, Lindsay Lohan: will she ever get those wonderful curves back, or why are the Twins adding the all-nursing home team in hopes of catching the White Sox this year. There’s a time and place for intelligent discussion but you won’t find it here. Nope, I bring the stupid and dish it out like Steve Nash on a fast break. Enjoy my single digit IQ ramblings.

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New month, new page on the poker ledger.

I took in many lessons last month. How do deal with winning. How NOT do deal with winning. Where to find good free porn. How to piss away profits by staying at a table longer then you should. How to get Little Drizz to sleep when he refuses for the 12th time in one night.

But there’s a difference between learning and implementing. You KNOW when you get flat called not raised by that rock in the 6 seat that he has a monster, but you still bet into him with your top pair that’s no good anymore. You continue to play despite hitting your head on the desk twice from falling asleep. You watch “Deal or No Deal” and hate yourself for doing so ($5????? What the fuck were you thinking lady? There’s a small difference between $80K and $300K but a BIG difference between $5 and $150-$300K). And the gay doctor (not that there’s anything wrong with that), I think only the four dudes from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy could combine for the gayness (again, not that there's anything wrong with that) that he poured out on TV towards Howie. Since they’ve started with celebs helping out the “players” I fully expect Bruce Villanch to come on stage to help him when he gets down to four briefcases.

Thanks for dropping, now if you don’t like reading Bobby Bracelet you’re probably an uptight corporate stiff who’s one missed viewing of Mad Money on CNBC away from taking a 200 foot plunge from your cubical. Go over there and baste in his run on sentence glory. It was here that I learned about a newer blogger who is sending a shout out for pokery help.

Site: Noble Poker www.noblepoker.com
Date: Thursday March 2nd, 2006
Time: 7:30pm ET
Password: charity

Chad O. just started blogging, and by just started, I mean the doctor just slapped his blog's ass and wrapped it in a blankey.

Anyhow, here is the info on his friend and why he's doing it.

This tournament is being held to raise funds to help out my good friend Leah.
On Tuesday February 7, 2006, Leah was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma, a very rare form of bone cancer. Medically, Ewing’s Sarcoma is best summed up as a cancerous tumor that attaches itself to a bone and destroys it.
As I could not find Canadian statistics on this I will use USA stats. In the USA, there are only 150 new cases reported in a year. Of those 150 cases, only 9% affect Leah’s age group of 20 to 30 which is the oldest age group affected.
Treatment of Ewing’s Sarcoma includes chemo, radiation and surgery to remove the tumor. On a more devastating note, this form of cancer can result in amputation of limbs or even death.
Leah is a vibrant, confident, caring, beautiful woman who would do anything for anyone of her friends. She is the exact type of person who does not deserve to be going through this.
Leah lives in Regina, Saskatchewan and because of this, she needs to travel to Calgary, Alberta for treatment. Her boyfriend Barry will be going with her standing beside her through every thing. The costs of both of them being away from work and living in hotels in a completely different province will be substantial at best.
I couldn’t think of two more deserving and devoted friends who need our help. I want to personally thank you for joining this fundraising tournament to help my friend Leah through this difficult time. She really needs to focus on getting healthy and should not have to worry about the financial burden this will cause.