Thursday, November 30, 2006

Vegas Speaks



Vegas says:

"Damn this cake is good!"

"Have fun in Las Vegas Daddy!"

"You say the Vikes are going to win this weekend? Daddy stopping drinking so much."

Six days folks.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

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Surburban Steak and Eggs

If anyone wondered why you're being berated with "oMg dOOD u suk c*ck!!!!!111" in chat after hitting that straight draw by a former gamer, read the future MBA candidates in the comments section for this article on gaming cheat codes. As semi-serious to serious poker players who read here should know that this is the group that will net you the greatest gains.

As I sip on my Lipton Green Tea this morning (damn this stuff is good), I’m waiting for the proverbial “other shoe” to drop. There’s been too many good things going on lately that I’m inching around every corner waiting to be flattened by mother variance. It’s a bad mind-set to not enjoy a happy spouse, the cards falling my way more often then not, and a toddler that still won’t eat his lasagna. Actually I’d give him a pass on the lasagna, despite the Marie Callender pot pies being spank-worthy good; she can’t make lasagna that would pass for one of those $1 Banquet frozen dinner specials. At least with the Banquet dinner you get the edible brownie.

Anyone ready for Steak and Eggs?

I am.

After six months of changing blowouts and being in perpetual parenting motion, the chance to not worry about running out of cheese-flavored goldfish crackers and iron-added formula for four days is much needed time-out from responsibilities (FYI: Wife green-lighted the trip to the place of ill-repute, only stipulation is no lap dances, which I can live with). No worries about getting up in the middle of the night for wet beds or because Wyatt decided he needed to be read Curious George Goes to the Hospital in the middle of the night (gotta love how the “attractive young nurses” are described in the book). Just adult fun with several other like-minded individuals where speaking about cards, Football (both kinds), and making obscure pop culture jokes won’t have that needle-scratching-on-record type effect to a conversation.

If I have one thing to take away from this trip is a happy spouse. She’s been my backbone thru some mud thicker then you’ll find that those $200 for a massage spas in Vegas (I know the cost because I’m footing the bill for her). Despite being on a heater for the past month, all I can think about is how she’s turned my life around with her change in attitude (and maybe me getting off my fat ass to be a more pro-active parent once Kyra was born may have a little to with that).

Marriage has been wondrous journey through a rainbow of emotions that span Pavarotti’s singing scale range. I can’t begin to describe depths of the lows (miscarriage and my work accident) or the highs (two beautiful kids), but I do know that she adds color to my bland life. Suburban dad who works at an office job during set hours doesn’t sound like a headlining thing to be, but it suits me. Granted I love to cut loose during momentary breaks like the Bash, or even a simple pleasure of hitting up a bar to view some football on four different screens with my friends Burnsie, E, Jay, and BJ. For the most point, my feet are firmly in the ground, I’m not looking to become employee of the year or advance to stratospheric heights at work nor will I become a roaming poker pro or move to Vegas to deal at a casino like I’ve wanted to.

I’m content with being Dave the deaf-mute who enjoys $1 prop bets on breast size of the waitress and still reads a story to each of his kids every night and watches the glow-in-the-dark stars while Wyatt rambles off his A-B-Cs for no particular reason.

Thanks for dropping by, now there’s 192 hours before I climb aboard a plane for another chapter of fun with a group of people that have gave this guy’s life the taste of freedom that I need once in a while.

WAWA!!!!!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Under Suspicion

My wife offered me two shows to go see in Vegas next week and I was a little surprised at her choices considering her distain towards all things that strip and dance.

Folies Bergere

and

Jubilee!

Maybe I won't have to hit up Hooters for bOObies after all :)

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Monday, November 27, 2006

Apathy Is Spelled V-I-K-I-N-G-S

Everyone enjoying their turkey sandwiches for lunch today?

Twice on Thursday I finally fell into a spot on the floor where fluffy dreams started and abruptly came to a halt when Wyatt decided it was time for a hog pile. At least in hockey you’d get a few seconds before someone would cave in your midsection with the butt end of a stick. Three houses, two and a half meals served and demolished with extra gravy. A tradition came to a close as we didn’t visit my favorite aunt’s place with relatives that I barely see or know, but yet we could sit in content while the fireplace surrounded the Lions or Cowboys game with a warm, flannel blanket of heat to match the touch of cold in her basement. Not to mention some of the best mashed po-ta-toes in the state.

Despite the gluttony of several very large meals this weekend, I did manage to play a little poker on the intertubes with various successes. A win at the 2nd chance Mookie tourney was a surprise as I haven’t won a tourney in quite some time, yes I realize it was only ~20 people but a win is a win. I managed to hold onto the extra funds for exactly 15 minutes as I got happy feet while sitting in my usual PLO8 games and decided to push someone off their two pair/set on a draw heavy board despite the protest signs shouting “HELL NO WE WON’T GO!”. Sometimes it works, sometimes you end up looking like Jessica Simpson trying to figure out how to make frozen orange juice.

But it does allow you to get paid off on those big hands later on if the “experts” are watching. PLO8 is not a game of extreme skill; it’s a lesson on pot size management and having the gamble in you to push with big draws for maximum pay off. If you do bluff, make sure you’re in a game with a table full of nits (I’m sometimes guilty) that will fold two pair/set/lesser flush and understand the Omaha “draw to the nuts” mentality. But twice this weekend a piece of turkey and gravy got stuck in between the synapses that tell my brain to click on the “check” or “fold” buttons as I ran bluffs that went bad before I made the executive decision to “outplay” someone. Realistically, you don’t need to outplay people in this game, just bet when you have it, fold when you don’t and you’ll make a small profit from the game and clear any bonuses rather quickly that you may be working off. The skill part is knowing when your non-nut hand is good, and when your K-high flush or lesser full house is trash. But, if you’re just starting out playing this four card game, tight is right. Its not easy to toss these “monster” hands away or not try to bet them for value, but unlike Hold Em’ most of the time you’ll get shown the nuts if you call an oversized bet on the river.

Calling off chips is a big leak in my game that I’ve been trying to plug for a long time, the curiosity to see the villain’s hand or to validate my super elite world class ESP fantabulous card reading skillz I’ll call with a lesser hand sometimes (ed note: I do not have super elite world class ESP fantabulous card reading skillz, and even if I do correctly guess my opponents superior hand I’ll throw pot odds out the window to chase, somewhere Maigrey is itching to boot me from IRC chat again because of this).

Ok that’s enough poker for a bit, let’s talk Vikings Football.

They won.

Apathy set in for this fan two weeks ago while the mighty Vikes decided to belly flop through their “easy” part of the schedule. There’s no excuse with the talent they’ve acquired to not be a top tier team in the NFC (which is looking vastly inferior to the AFC). Even if the Run Taylor Left team does manage a couple of more victories and drunkenly stumbles into a playoff spot, I’ll watch, but I’ll be playing four tables of PLO8 or setting up Wyatt’s Thomas the Tank Engine board game while Childress is deciding on which side of the left hash marks Taylor should run on first and second down.

Even while tipping back overpriced beers at Dave and Buster’s yesterday, I paid more attention to my new wide receiver on my fantasy football team playing on a different screen then the “ohmygodpleasedontchoke” 31-26 victory over the Cardinals. A side note about Dave and Buster’s… fun but goddamn its expensive! While I hate that my childhood dirt bike path is now one big mechanized suburban monstrosity, its fun to give money to the bartenders with corporate regulated smiles and uniforms once in a while.

However, next time I’m hitting up a local bar with $2 taps, $1 wings, and waitresses that don’t wear spandex with a bun in the oven. I could almost hear the unborn kid shouting “HEY I DIDN’T MAKE HER WEAR THIS!”.

Thanks for dropping by, now there’s a very cool update by the lovely April about the WPBT Event in Vegas. Go now.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Just Because Its Saturday

Scotch does not go well with sour.

Losing two games in a row when you're the defending champs of a 16 team beer pong tourney, sucks.

Go Vikes?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Do You Win By Losing?




Sleep has been a mild, infrequent luxury lately as the days to Vegas creep up on us. I foresee yet another blogger adventure with tales of taking down pros playing a stand up version of three card monty, blogger falls, and maybe a ride with Ricky the Oversexed Cab Driver.

I know by now most of us have met each other and if you feel like running in the opposite direction after I shout “BOOOOOOOOM HEADSHOT” at a no limit table, I don’t blame you (I’ll be reserving this celebration for some WPT-sunglasses wearing kid who read a poker book). Seriously, if you’re meeting up for the first time make sure you meet the people you want and some that you’ve never read. And prepare to write a trip report containing the phrase “I hate that I didn’t get to spend more time with ______”. It’s near impossible to hang with everyone for a block of significant time so find that blogger table of Pai Gow/Roulette, hang at the bar behind the MGM poker room, and definitely join the crowd for Storming the Cast…. oh wait the Excal sucks more cock then those women on the informational pamphets you’ll be handed by professional customer service representatives on the streets of the Strip.

We’ll find somewhere else to make fun of the locals.

I will not be around much since the wife is joining me on this trip, and we’re taking a much needed vacation from parenthood and responsibilities. Of course, I’ll be at the MGM on my birthday to buy out half the $1 chips at the poker room and may be coaxed into an alcoholic beverage or twelve.

The wife is a wild card depending on the Social Defcon level of Shy Wallflower to Paris Hilton, she may join us that evening and agreed to play Pai Gow (the only table game she’s played) or maybe even some sling some late-night dice at Casino Royale. She’s not the most comfortable person around new people, but since she’s seen/met a couple bloggers, the shyness ice may melt enough for her to have a good time. Unlike the last trip to Vegas she’s not pregnant this time, which made drinking around her kind of a killjoy and she’ll be able to enjoy the free drinks while playing the penny slots. And this time if you see me playing penny slots at 4am DRAG ME TO A TABLE GAME. Don’t encourage me to continue playing until I get the bonus round or Mr. Cashman.

Also, I’ll be rooting on “Too Drunk to Call” or “Mr. Otis” on Sunday morning/afternoon before our flight home at Mandalay Bay while sheepishly donning my Vikes jersey.

If there’s a tourney we’re hosting or crashing, you’ll find me and 2 hours of sleep shouting about how I finally won a coin flip and thanking a gracious Al for another shot of SoCo. Don’t forget to list bust-out prizes on your blog or even put a bounty on your favorite blogger. I’m still staring at the abomination of a calendar from busting Rini at the previous Winter Classic. Phil Hellmuth’s Poker Tip of Day: “Great Things Always Happen To Me” (perhaps expect support).

Tony Robbins should find a new career after poetic gems like that.

Time to plan folks, 15 days till touchdown, and remember Vegas is a town built on money so the scammers are out there, while security is tight don’t expect the Secret Service to protect your purse.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you haven’t met/seen me before above is a pic that Otis took of me attempting to be serious at a poker table. And if you "bad beat" me at the tables... expect the below one finger salute. Note the use of invisible internet sarcasm.


I just noticed this shocking upset over over-hyped Derek Jeter... Congrats to Justin Morneau for taking down the AL MVP award! A win for small-market teams mayhaps?

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Baby Saved by Reverend AlCanGoToVegas


We now return to normalcy on the internet.

Hat, Ring, Bandwagon

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Bacon is very hot when removing the strips of fatty goodness from the frying pan.

The equally hot topic going around our poker community on Ted Stevens’ intertubes is a new phenomenon that these engines of daily rants about being cut off by a chick on the Nicole Ritchie diet driving a cherry red Mazda Miata while gabbing on the phone to her friends about how she managed to get thru the day without updating her MySpace page can be profitable. Amazing how a couple years of rambling on about tips on feeding your baby, (projectile “garden vegetables” from Gerber doesn’t clean very well on a laptop screen), trip reports from the bathroom stall of The Boathouse, and bad poker advice could turn into a nice side income to keep the Captain Morgan flowing.

There’s a test of blogger meddle, to see if the people who stumble upon your daily/weekly musings hear the same voice that could be heard as you argue with your wife over the girls night out at the Scrap and Spa which suddenly quashed the regularly scheduled program of a home poker game with the guys. Are you a perfect, little snowflake? No, but to be a snowflake is much more important as people don’t want to read the same inane hand histories about how you lost $XX.XX because someone who didn’t read Miller, Sklanksy, and Jones didn’t fold “properly”.

As a reminder kittens are thrown into a microwave each time you rehash a bad beat story.

There are far more talented writers and wordsmiths jumping into the ReviewMe pool and rightfully so. The site offers all of us rouges of the electronic airwaves to join in their site and maybe carve out a few bucks for introducing some products in a tongue that your won’t find in the Sunday paper or on QVC.

Signing up was painless to say the least. By simply entering your name, home address, and blog address; ReviewMe instantly calculates how much your will be paid per review (including this one to review the site itself) by your Technorati, Alexa, and other page rankings. The FAQs section of the website gives subtle reminders not to hand out verbal hand jobs while offering your opinions on the customer’s products but rather to offer a neutral taste testers view of their wares.

The easy to use links help the most skittish blogger get over the techo-rabble that can come with linking up a new advertiser (can anyone help me with an “RSS feed”?).

Stop laughing.

If you’re looking for a little extra out of your blog, and don’t mind free stuff being thrown at your feet (time will tell if a relatively obscure blogger like myself will receive offers) give ReviewMe a whirl. The site offers two payment options of receiving a check or EBay-friendly Paypal (great for spending $34.97 on those “rare” Cars the movie collectables).

Thanks for dropping by, now check out ReviewMe and see if your blog is accepted. As a warning they do not accept all blogs as you need a certain “ranking” to receive the initial offer to review their site.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Flag Football

More Playstation 3 madness. Of course his drivel sounds better then the highest listed price on EBay this morning at a paltry $22 million.

I wish I could say poker was going well, but calling off chips yesterday that had no business sliding into the middle caused a winning session to go south in a hurry. I need help with that.

Kind of like my favorite football team sliding into 1st place!!!

Yes, yesterday the Minnesota Vikings professional football squad defeated their third opponent of the four part "easy" section of their schedule as predicted several weeks ago. As the 49ers and Packers in previous weeks yesterday's opponent, Jumpin' Joey and the Dolphins defense, got crushered by the Purple People Eaters' swarming pass rush and relentless calling of Chester Taylor run left.

Oh wait, I just re-checked NFL.com and it seems that in the mist of counting to 15 Mississippi's before rushing the quarterback, the Vikes lost?!!?!?!?

Anyone know if the Minnesota Pike are going to make a comeback? Go Wild??? Actually, the Golden Gopher hockey team is plenty good to watch winning or losing because you can't predict the exact order of plays nor the outcome before the game even starts. Time to let the rookie come in coach, this season is hanging on by the edge of fading 21 outs with two cards to come, lets see what the kid can do. At least Taylor could take a few plays off from getting beaten to a pulp for those three yards a carry.

Thanks for dropping by, now I have some cake leftover from Kyra's baptism yesterday if anyone's hungry, drop by for a slice.

As for the blogfather.... Phoenix indeed. Yes, you are the one to blame for two years of misguided metaphors, blogging about diaper blowouts, and a few paid for trips to Vegas ;)

Thank you sir, hopefully I'll find you on top of a stack of phone books at a Vegas bar in three weeks.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Stitched Gash

Gary, Trip, and Jordan,

I'm 101% sure it wasn't the joke that it was meant.

I enjoyed all the DADI throughly and thank you guys for putting them together with the added hard work for acquiring sponsors and added goodies (one of which is going to pay for a christmas gift).

I am not "upset" nor do I blame anyone for my finish on the switch (I played badly as well by not adjusting). But it did cause me to make a couple of decisions differently which is the part that irked me.

Much like slb159 wrote in his blog "Drizz was at my table during the Stud8 event but I wasn't worried since this wasn't Omaha". I agree. Since I don't play Stud8 and only know basic strategy someone could easily exploit it.

But you guys already got this point, no sense in dragging this on or any need for more non-homosexual man-hugs over the intertubes.

Mistake corrected, lets get ready to tear apart Vegas :)

19 days.

Friday, November 17, 2006

DADI X

I bubbled.

That's all I have to say.

And if you haven't seen this video on UpForPoker as a tribune to the sleeping midget. Go there immediately and not a second slower.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Signs That You Might Be A Dork

On a sliding scale of Dork-ism, this injury ranks just a tad behind the IRC debate on Battlestar Galacia last night.

"OMG OMG Video game Video game Video game... THUD"

Sigh.

Britney Spears Sex Video Not Found Here


I've seen The Bourne Supremacy too many times to count, so why do I keep watching it when I'm flicking through channels and can't muster the strength to change it? Anyone else have a soft spot for a movie that they develop a molasses remote finger to?


Much like the fact that I watched my chips slowly being drained while trying out the new Triple Draw tables at PokerStars last night, but couldn't get myself to click that big red X in the upper right hand corner. It was fun to draw one to a wheel several times and get the same card back or pair up with each draw, very different game that I'll need to brush up on before the bloggers invade Vegas.


In honor of Iggy's recent steps towards the cryogenic chambers to be restored with Austin Powers and Mike Meyer's career at a later date. I shall pimp the blogger tourney going on tonight.
Join the bloggers and whomever else stumbles into this vast pit of highly intelligent and highly intoxicated scribes as they prove that you don't need to have the ability to sit on a bar stool or go down stairs on your feet to play poker. But having the ability to piece together words of the English language like he does is priceless...
... but I wouldn't hesitate for one second to check-raise his dirty Grey Goose-tini sipping ass off his top pair with air. :)
Bring your peep sex tokens to Full Tilt tonight for some bad jokes, bad poker, and maybe see yourself on get berated the next day by screenshots, flames, and if you're lucky a tuff_fish type video by Waffles.



Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A Virtual Back Rub

Don’t sweat the petty (fixed!) stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.

No, Wyatt you can’t watch Cars for the third time today until after dinner.

Yes, you still need to finish your chicken nuggets before you can play.

Yes honey, please take a couple intakes of air, I was going take out the trash but unfortunately I had to save that Hmong refugee family from the burning building before emptying the kitchen wastebasket.

No problem sir, please mull over the McDonald’s menu for another five minutes while I hold an irate toddler in my arms, especially since they recently added the McRib back into the ring. Don’t worry about the brass knuckles I’m currently pulling out of my pocket, you won’t feel a thing.

There’s a reason why spas and vacation spots make ungodly amounts of money, not in the range of Japanese baseball pitchers, but enough for a few extra flavor shots in their lattes at Starbucks. Most people put undue stress on their lives by blowing things up larger then they seem. That poster boy for a Budweiser commercial in the slightly rusted Ford F-150 and Calvin decal pissing on the word “work” cutting you off didn’t do it because of your horrible singing of “Hollaback Girl”. He probably was late for quarter wings and taps happy hour, or didn’t want to miss the dance off between A.C. Slater and Emmitt Smith. And after you pulled a Jeff Gordon-like draft and clip sending his truck into a side spin and subsequent rollover crash worthy of a NASCAR highlight film, you might want to consider why you did it.

Road rage is just an example of people flipping into the Bobby Knight zone of anger. Is missing a lay-up or a pick really worth the embarrassment of slapping a kid like a woman might if a guy took a little too long to stare at the new push up bra she purchased at Fredrick’s of Hollywood? Long live the General.

Pokerpeaker asked how I could be calm after losing a couple of hands on Monday that represented a decent chunk of my meager bankroll?

First, I admitted the mistakes were mine. If you can’t accept the fact that you are the one who hit the bet/raise/fold button or made the movement to declare your actions at the table, stop playing. You accept the fate of whatever pixelized or Copag cards come down once you announce your action. Or in Felicia-speak “blame yourself for being an idiot”.

Someone not in one of the hands that I got stacked on decided to rant about invisible dealer behind the virtual box for “setting me up” and the person who won the hand defended his play. This went on for a few minutes until finally I calmly said “I would have pushed with his hand too, I played my hand incorrectly” (which I did in hindsight, since I had top set of aces but I left myself open to all redraws since he mostly likely had a locked low). Surprisingly this shut down the tin foil beret kid and he went back to complaining about his own cards, eventually stacking off with two pair vs. a set with re-draws and earning a spot on my buddy list.

Another mistake was playing that high, as my bankroll can’t handle sustained swings at the $200 PLO8 level right now. But, if I’m not playing at a level that gives me a little excitement and I feel comfortable with the skill level, what’s the point of playing? That’s one I’ll have to chew on since playing a level too low (relatively) will cause me to play too loose and spew chips like Mike Matusow on a river bluff. Playing too high brings the unsustainable swings (not the pussy poker factor that I experienced at the FTOPS, tournament poker is a different story for me); I just don’t like seeing 25% of my bankroll lost due to bad play or an unfortunate final board.

So, how do I stay calm?

I do yell at the computer (as seen in Pauly’s suite at the Plaza during the WPBT event). But that usually last as long as a 13 year old boy discovering the wonders of an issue of Playboy for the first time. I don’t mull over the lost of chips, I reload and continue to play while replaying the hand in my head to see where/if I screwed up. If I feel steamed, I get up for a drink or sit out a few hands to watch Billy Blanks try to sell me his brand spankin new, digitally remastered version of Tae-Bo now on DVD!

You don’t need a lifelong affliction of hearing lost or bad head injury like me to become immune to any small breaking ball that life throws at you. To attain this level of not sweating small things like a bad river cards in poker, just remind yourself why you play. If it’s not fun or serious enough for you that night after the significant other and kids are in bed, go tidy up your favorite porn listings or sit down write something inane on your blog just because you can. Doing the things you want versus doing the things you “have to” is very refreshing to those with schedules, deadlines, and/or are responsible for others.

Even if it’s as small as sitting alone on your deck to watch the stars for a few minutes with cold Belgian ale.

Okay that’s enough introspection for a few months.

Thanks for dropping by, now score one for the good guys as Pauly’s message to Absolute was heard loud and clear.

And Lazarus shall come back from the grave, despite the post of the year by a drunken hippy.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Hmmmmm Fresh Muffins

I lost a stack and a half playing last night, but gained a free banana chocolate chip muffin (with chocolate drizzled frosting on top) this morning.

Karma? Or a sign that you shouldn't stack off in Omaha with a lesser full house while watching High Stakes Poker reruns and playing some stupid Scary Movie 4 game where you zap the clothes of the chicks?

Since I'm pretty blah this morning no crackling, stupid metaphorific sayings about my poker play or suburbia-hood, just a congrats going out to a fellow blogger and owner of the best-hairdo-after-drinking-all-night award (anyone have a picture of it?) from the 2005 WPBT event at the Plaza who proved that despite being able to play 47o from under-the-gun like a pro, you can't bluff biology.

Enjoy the new boobs :)

Monday, November 13, 2006

Purple Haze

I’m just not motivated to write today, my apologies to Jimi.

And I slept funny on my neck causing a special pain on par with a six hour case of blue balls.

But, didn’t you win some cash this weekend you may ask?

Yeah, but Brad Childress decided to ruin my post-sex afterglow by losing to the Packers in a slow Jigsaw created Saw-type death. Will he cut off his foot for a workable passing game? If given another 30 seconds will the pass rushers actually touch the quarterback, or do the offensive linemen from the land of Cheese and wonderful beer soaked Brats have to roll over laughing at the pathetic Vikings pass rush?

Steve - $10 coming your way on Full Tilt, or just wait till December and I’ll throw the money down on the ‘Boys for ya at Mandalay Bay.

This was supposed to be the second game of a four stretch that the mighty Purple People Eaters could waltz through on their way to a wild card game (the hibernating Bears woke up from their Dolphins fiasco). But no, they decide to punctuate their offensive ineptitude by slogging thru yet other game versus a horrible defense.

The sunshine isn’t gone totally as the poker roller coaster is climbing up a bit after my many attempts to break the limit O8 code have been thwarted. It’s sad that when I start a session, I blink and I’m down 5-6 BBs without even realizing that I played a hand. The cost of the education is hurting any profits that I do manage to squeak by with but the play of the average limit O8 villain make the games as tempting as clicking a pop up box for free midget porn.

According to my math-e-ma-ticks we have 24 days till we invade the land of five a.m. cocktails while staring at 85o. Go give April some lovin for getting our group of “special” persons together, I’m excited already to see ya’ll again.

Thanks for dropping by, now for some pimpin and congrats.

Pauly is currently invading the land of legal hash and hos but that doesn’t stop this issue of Truckin from hitting the virtual newsstands. Go get your copy now!

On the note of his site getting hacked by an Absolute Poker affiliate, please read his latest post, and hope that Absolute decides to clear this up without having to swap spit. I'll be throwing my two cents at them this afternoon if its not cleared up by then.

Big props to Speaker on yet another deep finish for a blogger in the FTOPS series at Full Tilt. He managed to outlast over 2,900 players of lesser intelligence and movie-star looks to go out to a pre-flop push monkey and score three times the buy-in.

Amazed as always sir.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

FTOPS Event #1 at Full Tilt

Starting music: "For Those About to Rock" AC/DC

Let's get it on.

- Half way thru the first break, made a play at a pot, lost but at least I didn't call off my chips with 8 high. It should be a crime to let people burn off chips without giving them to me.

- Tony Bennett pops into the iPod, a sign I'm playing too tight? Not drinking enough?

- Break #1, I'm siting on 49 whole chips more then a started with! Bust out the Cristal and bacon wrapped weenies for celebration

Break music: "Ice Ice Baby- Remix" Notorious BIG

- Big hand: AA78 flop T87, get called down after pre-flop raise and pot bet on the flop by trash that hits a straight on the river. Down to T1700

- Big hand: AA45 flopped A5K: Luckily KK67 pushes out a broadway making trailer. Back to solvent T5200

- Rafe Furst joins the table, should I play the Omahammer?

- Never mind Rafe decides Queens are good enough to push, he's gone I'm still lingering around T4300 at the second break

- Avril is on telling me "I Always Get What I Want", meaning I'm due for another double up, a nice Cap'n Coke, and only a slight rejection in bed tonight

- Big Hand: 2456 I pop it for a raise and catch a dream flop of A23, double to T7000 a little below par at this point. Twisted Sister tells me "I Wanna Rock" and I do

- Big Hand: From the land of golf and Haggis, Div lends some luck as my AAKJ nails a flush and I double up to par with 168 left, 99 cash

- Rock your bermuda shorts off... Britney Fox with "Girl School" keeps it sexy, a little below par now at T10000 and 27 to go to the money, five minute to the break

- File under "Stupid Thing You Shouldn't Have Done" tried for a steal, got caught, down to T7000 now 17 to the money with blinds at an oppressive 500/1000. Light a candle for me.

- Pussy poker alert, not liking having to "worry" about the cash. Hate having to give up semi-decent hands and play for the cash (which I really could use) 9 more to the cashola

- My legs are spread wide, its bubble time, god I hate pussy poker

- Winner winner chicken dinner!! Bubble busted and won a hand!! T8300

- Decisions decisions, LaTech +37.5 or some more Omaha? 87 left but now the chip leader has his ass parked right next to me

- Shout out to Pauly, Daddy, On THG, and Moooooooooookie dropping by. I'm almost in tears, I don't have a lot of good things happen to me, when they do I cheerish it. Thanks to all. 79 left, I'm scrapping the bottom.

- Nothing to push with sadly, but we're down to 66 now and AlCanPlayOmaha joins up

- Gone in 59th, doubled the entry fee which cost me a whole $6.70, dial-a-shot done with Al and BigMike thanks a bunch guys!!!!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Trying To Be Part of the "In" Crowd

I saw Iak and Hoy claiming seats to the FTOPS at Full Tilt and decided at the last minute to throw a hardly earned token into the fray while I played a couple of blogger tourneys.

I made a quick final table appearance at CC's PokerWorks Thursday bash. Senor card rack took out my knee with those damn Hiltons. Pure artistry in motion he is, definitely turn the volume up on your hearing aids if he loans you a few pointers.

The Riverchasers tourney looked like a glitch at first, when I was seated with only one other individual. But alas, I managed to win two heads-up matches before getting ran over and falling 16th out of 90.

My stack meager. The tourney info board stated I was 23rd out of 23.


Then I hit a flush draw.

I bluff trips.

The car purrrrrred.


The seat bubble

Reverend Al blessed the table, and got the fuckin sand out of my vagina just in time.


Of course I celebrate by dropping my Leffe on my laptop. I rule.

An Extra Packet of Donkey Sauce

You just ran your 11,435th diaper genie bag out to the garbage.

Your clients decide today is the day I will be a total prick just because I can.

Your wife scowls at you for letting your son sleep in your bed, then he proceeds to toss and turn keeping the wife awake while you dream of WSOP bracelets and some double jointed stripper named Rain at Spearmint Rhino.

Every river card seems to get you closer to blood pressure red-lining and on the verge of breaking things (but to be fair there were several times I should have folded/stopped playing).

The shy kid with K-Fed's latest tracks feeding through his baby blue colored iPod in front of you at Arby's is trying coyly to make a play at the obivously not interested Lindsay Lohan-like cashier while you're waiting to order the 5 for $5.95 special and get home in time for the Matlock marathon. You refrain from offering sage advice to both of them such as: "Just tell her you want to bend her over the counter, nail her like the chicks from teenyboppers.com (definitely NSFW), and spread your special version of Arby's sauce all over her face and visor". Or "Just order your fuckin sprout Panini and go spend the next 15 years in therapy trying to figure out why you didn't at least try to ask her out"

I'm helpful like that.

But once in a while the world throws you a bone.

Thank you for accepting my post Full Tilt (bonus code: Drizz99). Once again you show me how much you rock despite my fishy poker playing ways. Maybe one of these days I'll be good enough to actually believe that I can consistently make a little coin at this game.

Thanks for dropping by, now go hit up CC's PokerWorks game tonight on Stars. After last night's session I need to cool off, so if I do show up at least bring the peppermint lotion for me. The burning sensation from last night's attempt to give away money still hasn't abated.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Blue Moon A-Rising

A small recap of last night:

Voted for Pawlenty due his views, voted Democrat for the rest

The orange chicken with fried rice was passable

Doyle Brunson will take the 25th District Judge seat in Minnesota, toke me later Dolly

One former NFL player won...

... One did not

I won a token at Full Tilt

Even at 5:00pm I had to wait in line to vote, god bless America for coming out to do so. I haven't seen the percent of voters count yet, but I'd be willing to bet on it being higher then recent elections.

Cheeseheads hate gays, but love a good execution

I lost with KK, QQ, and 99 in consecutive hands (all favored) to go from big stack to out in a tourney. Rigged!

A sign that America's democracy isn't dead just yet

Otis tips back the Dom, calls for G-Vegas regulars to take a limo ride (I'll raise a Mott's Apple Juice drink box towards South Cackalacky since I can't afford the bubbly, and hope that Lil' Otis gets over his sniffles soon)

Thanks for dropping, now even if you're a die-hard Republican you have to like what happened last night. America spoke through their votes. Whether the change is good or bad, will be determined in the upcoming months/years.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Show Off Your "I Voted" Sticker!

Today is the big day kids. It’s time to take your Frist-fucking anger to the polls. Show the incumbents that their days of a cushy passing of morally right bills and pork projects are numbered.

One party nor the President should shoulder the blame of an abused system, should we believe that sticking a bunch of Democrats, regardless of their platform be the answer?

No (and I'm not a Democrat nor a Republican).

Make sure you are making an informed decision today before confusing the vote counters in Florida. Go a little beyond those annoying political TV ads that interrupted your “Sex and the City” marathon. Read their websites and vote on the person you feel will make a change.

People who read here probably enjoy playing poker and are outraged by the UIGEA (Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act) passage. Remember that the House passed such measures without the stuffing the law into the 400 pound gorilla known as the Port Security bill. While ignoring international organizations such as the WTO, Frist and his cronies went over the heads of several countries and American citizens to pass a law that catered to the “morally right” claiming “gambling is bad”.

Well, selected gambling of course.

If wanted to blow my live savings chasing the Breeder’s Cup Pick 6 last weekend on TVG.com or Youbet.com, that was certainly ok. If I wanted to wallpaper my house with losing scratch off and Powerball tickets purchased from the internet, that was certainly ok. In the next few months, up to the 270 days waiting period, we’re going to hear from a gaming company like Harrah’s or MGM Mirage on how they’re working with the government to produce online poker (and possibly casino) sites to be regulated. In fact the rumors are already swirling out there (props to the PokerProf).

Cooler heads would have taken a step back, and looked at ways to regulate the industry instead of the defiant “WE ARE THE USA, WE WILL DO WHAT WE WANT” snub towards those countries that already regulate (and reap rewards from) online poker and casinos. Granted they did not ban the actual game play, just the lifeline to the game play. Poker is played for money, plain and simple. From those mixed card games like guts, maverick, 7-27, Chicago, Follow the Bitch with your buddies on your poker night; to the nickel stud games you played growing up (my great-grandmother would have lowered a shotgun at your head if you dared to leave the table without paying her the fifteen cents you lost). Simply stated there is no poker without money, and with the passage of the UIGEA they will attempt to kill this hobby/job/pastime that we share.

That’s why it is important to vote today. Do not put up with this type of governing body that passes bills that does not consider the consequences nationally and internationally. Vote for a Senator or Representative that will listen to all of the groups, not just the ones who gave the most money or the groups that are “morally right”.

Thanks for dropping by, now please take this “should you vote or not” quiz and make me feel stupid by getting a perfect score versus my 94.52%.

Monday, November 06, 2006

It's a Mad Mad Mad World

Troy Williamson.

May I have a word with you for a moment?

Thank you.

Imitating Featherstone from Necessary Roughness is not a way to earn street cred in the NFL. Try not to get too many splinters on the bench. I'd start saving your paychecks until you decide to figure how to carve those ham hands into a size to catch a NFL pigskin.

The Vikes weren't the only ones effected by this full moon bizzaro NFL weekend.

Bears looked mortal AT HOME. Losing the game wasn't the worst part, Urlacher going down is.

Lions actually looked like a football team, and "Fire Millen" supporters will need to wait till next week for a rally cry.

Tom Brady decided it was a better idea to throw to the other team.

The Packers lost. Actually that's not that unbelievable and made me smile a little despite my horrible golf outing pre-game.

Cleveland covered despite the conspircy to beat the spread by going for two with three minutes left and a twelve point lead. Mr. Frye my wallet thanks you, maybe I'll buy you an ice cream cone at McDonald's if you're ever in the area. Sprinkles added if you bring a cheerleader.

VanderChoke needs to go back on the bottle, or maybe grab some pills from T.O.

And to keep with the full moon scene, I won a little playing poker again this weekend (note to variance gods, hold off on the spankings until after Vegas in 31 days).

Thanks for dropping by, now did anyone go see Borat this weekend? I'd like a review before viewing most glorious movie from Kazakhstan.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Friday, November 03, 2006

Quads Good, Slots Bad

Bankroll Tip #423:

Having Kings hold up in a 5 way capped pot is good. Blowing your winnings on penny slots because your ride didn't want to go home is bad.

I found live poker to be extremely rigged, in four hours I saw quads hit twice (once by yours truly with my favorite hand) and a flopped straight flush. Since Canterbury only allows $1 chips at the $3/$6 game, my $150+ pot with Kings managed to cover half the table in chips.

Can't wait for the next chance to play live in Vegas :)

Have a good weekend folks!


This is how all Omaha HUs SnGs should go:

Welcome to Pine Valley, Drizztdj
This tournament has started.
High card gets the button
Drizztdj gets the button with the Ace of Diamonds
Tournament level 1. Blinds $5.00/$10.00
10 hands left to the next level

------------------------------
Starting hand #426673235
------------------------------
NEW HAND
GreenBagz shows a Flush
Drizztdj shows a Full House, Kings full of Threes
GreenBagz shows a Flush

Hand 426673235:
Drizztdj wins main pot($2,000.00)
GreenBagz finished in 2nd place
Drizztdj finished in 1st place and won $10.00
Drizztdj finished in 1st place and won $10.00
This tournament has ended.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Its Not the Destination, Its the Journey

$2.31 will buy you the following...

- Enough for two junior bacon cheeseburgers and a small donation to The Dave Thomas Foundation.

- A pack of titanium-infused Yu-Gi-Oh cards (what happened to my 25 cent pack of Donruss cards with hopes of getting a Ryne Sandberg Diamond Kings card???). At least the porn has improved at Shinders but you still feel like pervert going through the squeaky saloon styled swing doors on the way to viewing esteemed periodicals such as Juggs, Hustler, and Score.

- A Red Bull sans vodka and a local paper with tips on the health effects of colonic cleaning at the local Superamerica. Complete with a smile from the cute geek girl behind the counter.

- Package of baby wipes for excessive use the next time your spouse fails to mention she fed the spawn prunes the previous day and you wondered where that smell was coming from on your day off with the kids.

- A Minnesota Twins 2006 Division Champs T-shirt.

I’m 101% sure if you were to pull my Pokerdb.com stats they would give you the gory details of how much I’ve lost playing tournaments. I enjoy the cash games despite the bottomless variance swings, as the only stop-loss device for the cash game player is not reloading. Tourney players don’t score as often, much like a bench player in the NBA, but when they do you can be fairly sure that their leggy conquest is greater then a nightly win for the cash game specialist. Sure you’ll see the occasional 10 buy-in win from someone playing on a rockin table and getting slapped upside the head with the deck, but when you win a tourney you’re usually pulling in 20X-100X your original buy-in.

You could make the argument of the tortoise and the hare in that they both reach the finish line around the same time but do so in different ways. Read some of the archives on the blogs out there, and you can see the difference in relaying the results of their advancement in this sadistic game we play. Look beyond the narrative, and focus on how they describe their feelings on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Granted with writers like Speaker and Otis you’ll want to stop to smell the flowers, and by all means the Gardenias will send your olfactory senses into bliss. But, look beyond the carefully crafted words and see the highs and lows play out before you give up because the coin flips haven’t gone your way (*raises hand* very guilty) or those darn Aces didn’t make it to the finish line when the tortoise hit his gutshot straight draw.

If you’re a tourney specialist, realize you’re not going to win every night and will generally have a batting average and strikeout total near someone like Rob Deer or Cecil Fielder. But when you hit that ball, its going a long way and usually worthy of a Cristal bath, a Playboy playmate or two feeding you a plate of caramelized bacon and weenie wraps. The cash game specialist is going to emulate a Pete Rose or Tony Gwynn putting the bat on ball several times a game getting several singles, maybe throw in the occasional gapper for a double or triple. They also go through streaks of broken bats and Ozzie Smith-like defensive plays that rob those wins, but those streaks generally do not last as long.

I’m certainly guilty of not handling my swings well enough to be considered emotional stable toward this card game. Then again, I seriously question the emotional stability of anyone who takes this game with more then a grain of salt. If I told Mark Kennedy of the Minnesota Senate race he had a 81% chance to win on Tuesday at 7pm and suddenly when the polls closed at 8pm Amy Klobuchar won based on poker players flooding the ballot boxes when they found out Kennedy endorsed the original House bill on banning online gambling, do you think he’d continue in politics? Let’s hope not, closed mindedness towards evolving something that could benefit many states, instead of taxing the banking and financial resources necessary to enforce such laws shouldn’t be tolerated.

Over time the “beats” don’t seem like “beats”, just variance rearing up or not looking at how the money got into the middle before launching a Parental Advisory sticker worthy rant. I was down for the evening last night as my granite-like PLO8 table could barely make the pot big enough to rake (I even tried raising preflop three times in a row with crap cards and they still folded their way into a poker coma), and some Razz hands were just uneventful versus losing big to bad draws by myself.

All that was left was The Mookie which I managed to carve out a fifth place finish despite a momentary lapse in judgment at the end. According to my spreadsheet, I haven’t cashed in my last 12 MTTs and a nice 4.5X buy in pull, helped to erase some of that red ink. Granted I’d rather win 4.5X my buy in at PLO8, but throw in the fun of the bloggers and blogger railbirds and you get something back that won’t show up on your ledger.

And it’s probably worth more then the $2.31 that I won last night.

Thanks for dropping by, now please get up to the plate and knock one out. I love reading about things like Smokkee’s latest running over the live tables with sizable wins or Daddy knocking one out to biker chicks.

    Wednesday, November 01, 2006

    On Your Mark...

    Since my middle finger is twice the size as normal thanks to yard work (oh how I've forgotten how painful jammed fingers are from volleyball), I'm begging off a post today and saluting those who are starting at the bottom of the 50,000 word mountain for NaNoWriMo today.

    Godspeed my friends. (List stolen from Speaker)

    Gracie
    MeanGene
    facty
    Bobby Bracelet
    Iggy
    Scurvy
    Kat
    Chilly
    Garth
    Otis
    Paul Phillips

    And go hit up Jason "Spaceman" Kirk's new WSOP coverage!!!!


    And in the "duh" catagory (from Tom Bayes):

    What American accent do you have?
    Your Result: North Central

    "North Central" is what professional linguists call the Minnesota accent. If you saw "Fargo" you probably didn't think the characters sounded very out of the ordinary. Outsiders probably mistake you for a Canadian a lot.

    The Midland
    The Inland North
    The South
    The West
    Philadelphia
    Boston
    The Northeast
    What American accent do you have?