Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Difference Between Phil Ivey and Conrad Ivey

Poker questions:

If you make a play based on prior action and it doesn't work out, is it a bad play?

If you make a play based on prior action and you suckout or win a close coin flip as a result, are you a donkey?

If you stick to a game plan and follow through regardless of the end result, are you satisified with your play?

These have happened recently and I've been called names, had my play questioned, and haven't achieved any results while playing no limit hold em' for the past two weeks, save a minor cash in the Mookie last week (been nibbling at the $22 PLO8 SnGs with success while warming up for next month).

I do not play as many tourneys as such esteemed MTT crusher such as Chad or Hoy but I do have a strategy that has netted me some success and makes me look like I took a Joey Porter uppercut to the noggin at other times (well concealed last night Bayne). As players, if you're not going into a game with a strategy and just winging it, of course lady luck could sit on your lap for evening at a rate of $20 per two songs and you'd still see your name at the final table with fabulous prizes to be won.

Nothing wrong with that, its your money, spend it however you want (that is if I ran the government, unfortunately the US's is throwing down the hammer again soon). Some nights I choose to be the donkey and play very loose, fast, and drunk. Other nights I use to study the game and pick my spots with three different thoughts about it.

1) What happened in prior hands?

2) Who am I playing against?

3) What am I playing?

Take my leave from yesterday's Moooooooooookie:

1) I got open raised on the button three consecutive times, and I just lost a coin flip with JJ versus AKo

2) Bayne is smart, calculating tournament player that could raise with air solely based on position and I do have fold equity with a resteal

3) A blogger tourney, hand selection might be looser here and I'm down to under 10BBs and I'm the table's shortest stack, if I want to make a run I need to win somewhere hoping to get my Ace-Rag called by two broadway cards, a suited connector, or get a fold and get back to the starting chip stack

Unfortunately, thoughts don't always equal greatness as he rolled over AA and my seven percenter didn't come in.

But, if it did win... am I a donkey for it?

Thanks for dropping by, now I hope that shed some light on my game for you Brock :)

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Bigger Deal Belongs In Your Hands

Trip reports.

People on the internet and this poker blogging community read them daily about the family jaunt to the cabin, recent visits to a Las Vegas cardroom with sidetracks to the Geisha Bar at the Imperial Palace, or home game summaries containing those intense hands of battle with the crusty local player that draw an unusual possible mirroring image thru time travel.

The reporting part is about giving the readers a feel for those chips sitting in of you waiting to be expertly riffled and flung at the novice player in the five seat who just bet into your nut flush. Smelling the smoke that hangs from the overly expensive pre-embargo Cuban cigar smoker railing his buddy in the eight seat with the equally bling-tastic necklace proclaiming his wealth for worthy mistresses of the night.

Now take those feelings and sensory footprints and combine them into a 200 plus page illustration of poker’s little corner of the universe through the eyes of one of its more famous storytellers and combine them with a writer who’s comfortable penning a book on Mozart as he is describing the state of our card game with the entry of the World Poker Tour fanboi who’s chasing flush draws in $10K buy in tournaments while headbanging away to the latest speed metal band on his iPod.

Re-Enter Anthony Holden to the bestseller’s list with his follow up to the popular (and sadly unread by this sorry excuse for a blogger) Big Deal. Holden captures the state of poker with its brand new element that brought people like myself into the world of staking arrangements, wrap straight draws, and 24 hour sessions at the green felt waiting out that fish in the two seat to finally bluff at the wrong pot.

Unfortunately, I cannot draw any parallels to the original verse but his descriptions of the games from Monte Carlo all the way into the halls of the World Series of Poker Main Event made for a surprising refreshing journey. The back stories of how he earned his main event seat through a freeroll while outlasting the last three main event champions not named Gold, and how he struggles with losing his “Moll” while attempting to concrete his poker face for those twelve tabling wiz kids from PokerStars in the attempt to solidify his poker standings with a cash or even victory in the WSOP main event, makes for great sunny afternoon on the back porch read. Not to mention a new distaste for being dealt Ace-King.

And if you’re inclined to check out the Brit’s more recent poker musings, be sure to hit up where you’ll find even more backroom stories by Al Alvarez and Lee Jones. I’d like to thank “Bigger Deal’s” publisher Simon and Schuster for providing copies of the book, one of which will be part of a bounty prize at a soon-to-be-announced leg of the BloggerPokerChallenge.

I say soon-to-be-announced because my participation in those tourneys always hinges on singing Thomas the Tank Engine’s variations of kids’ songs which make the entire suburban block cringe from my bastardization of twinkling music emitting from the book. Most likely it will be the Mookie next week where I’ll be sure to earn more ire from other bloggers while pushing crap cards and winning with a forty percent chance when I run low on chips.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you’re still vying for those top 50 spots in the BloggerPokerChallenge make sure you get the schedule over at the SoCo loving hippy’s site muy pronto-like and steer clear of those Yolante van Kasbergen pics. I’ve heard you can go blind from using too much peppermint lotion.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Because work is determined to kick my ass my review (along with half the poker bloggers) of Bigger Deal (short review: Awesome!) will be in the next few days.

For now I'd just like to assist the hostessing job at a local chain restaurant.

You're looking great in those black stretchy pants that form those curves with a subtle hint of cleavage showing up top. And I know my daughter is the cutest thing you've ever laid eyes upon, but if you'd like her father to keep a shred of his self-esteem, next time come over to the table to converse in baby talk with her after her dad mops up the stream of alfredo sauce dribbling down his chin.

For poker-y type stuff, caught my first Hoy points for the BloggerPokerChallenge last night but went card dead right at the final table bubble. Ya win, ya lose, ya sometimes gets stared at by hot chicks for the wrong reasons.

Thanks for dropping by, now give Pauly a blogger birthday congrats on five years with the Tao of Pauly!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

A Wyatt By Any Other Name Is Not The Same

As I told Speaker... I apologize to all Hollyweird type celeb fans that will have to deal with their idols and overpaid divas naming their kids Wyatt over the next couple of years. Its tough being a trendsetter.

Me. Cabin. Leinie 24 pack. Ice Cream. Turkey. Captain. Golf.

See you after the holidays :)
If you're going to be out of town like myself, please make sure you're throwing a buy in towards the Darfur effort at PokerStars this Sunday. In case you haven't already read about it here is Pauly's plea to get more of us blogger tournament donkeys involved:
PokerStars is running the Ocean's Thirteen Darfur Charity Tournament next Sunday afternoon at 3:30pm ET. PokerStars is teaming up with the cast of Ocean's Thirteen to help stop the suffering in the war-torn region of Darfur in the Sudan. If you have not been paying attention, over 400,000 people have already been killed. They launched Not On Our Watch. Their mission is to... "focus global attention and resources to stop and prevent mass atrocities. Drawing on the powerful voice of citizen artists, activists, and cultural leaders, our mission is to generate lifesaving humanitarian assistance and protection for the vulnerable, marginalized, and displaced."
PokerStars is donating $1 million and you can help out by playing in two diffeent charity events. You have a shot to win a ticket to the Ocean's Thirteen premiere in Los Angeles. See below for specific details.

Overview of the Ocean's Thirteen Darfur Charity Tournament:These tournaments are special re-buy tournaments - the entire prize pool will be matched by PokerStars and donated to the Darfur relief efforts. At the conclusion of the event the prize pool, which will be temporarily awarded to the 1st place finisher, will be removed from the 1st place finisher's account. The amount will then be matched by PokerStars and sent forward to the Darfur charity. Thank you for participating — go re-buy crazy! — it's for a good cause.
Good luck!
Date: May 27th 2007, 15:30 ET
Buy-in: $10 plus rebuys.
Prizes: Top 4 receive tickets to June 5th premiere in Los Angeles plus 2 nights hotel and $2k for travel/spending. Top 18 receive autographed copy of "Oceans 13" DVD.
Total prize pool will go to charity. PokerStars will match the donation. The tournament is open to all players. Good luck!

I managed only my second final table last night in the BloggerPokerChallenge, getting bottom money while watching Zeem run over everything in his path. Checks are on the way for the WSOP ticket purchase, once I cash those in I'll be purchasing $1,500 in tournament chips for the WSOP Event #42 and hope to have more then just a drawn out story for those who were gracious enough to back me in the event.
Thanks for dropping by, now I'm going to go enjoy some tasty cinnamon crusted bagels that were just delivered :)

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Splinters Standing On End

I guess Lindsay wasn’t the reason for the spike in traffic last week, still not sure what was.

Due to work coming down hard lately, I’ll be bunkered up underneath a shelter of reports and numbers while getting zero time to play poker. Even writing for the other site has been difficult due to the lack of time but two newly crowned proud parents dropped by to say hi last night while I was throwing a quick post up about the penny NLHE player whose bankroll got a bump from PokerStars.


While sitting on the proverbial and literal bench this week, I’ve taken a new view on things like poker and softball. What once was a given that I would be lounged back with laptop perched on my lap on a weeknight and cold beverage within arm’s length while four tabling my PLO8 games. Now, I find just opening up X-chat to say hi to the bloggers and have a couple of conversations via IM about all I have time for.

The bench this weekend gave me a cold shower as I went from being one of the best all-around players on my team, to a tourney team that looks upon my 6’4” frame as nothing more then a role player to fill in at catcher and maybe take an at-bat or two. Normally, while playing on my Tuesday night co-ed league my cockiness and lack of effort from this bravado, would cause a general distaste for even showing up. This weekend’s wake up call provided me a little guide as to why I enjoyed the game, and helped revive my excitement for the company of our mixed gender league games.

Even if the score didn’t dictate excitement and the windy, rainy weather tried its best to dampen my spirits.

I’m off to prep for the Mooooooookie tonight and hop back into the saddle of earning points for the overwhelmingly popular BloggerPokerChallenge. If you haven’t been attempting to get to these events, I highly recommend playing; just don’t take it too seriously or be prepared for rants.

Thanks for dropping by, now why does Michele Wie get it that she’s not a PGA player (but is much nicer to look at)? I’m all for equality, but her golf game does not equal those of guys hitting from the black tees.

When will her wake up call hit?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Straddled Lindsay Lohan and Got Burnt

A question recently popped into my head due to the whirlwind of a weekend with the softball team at Treasure Island casino.

Is it more fulfilling to be the worst player on a winning team or the best player on a losing team?

If there was anything to describe the play at the poker tables over the weekend, I can’t imagine Webster came up with a word for it. Blind five way capped straddles three times in a row ended my blood red runs at the tables, as I scooped up the pittance of chips left over. In over nine hours played, I managed to get one pocket pair higher then nines, which promptly squashed the small and big blinds for their forced $4 total when I raised one off the button.

I watched a portly asian girl with large glasses and a penchant for shaking uncontrollably if she had hand, call down three bets on the river with nine high on a paired board that was also four flushed. No, we were not playing four card poker. A scary skater dude with pierced nose, lips, and probably other needlized body parts to go with his flaccid way of placing chips into a pot that took longer then sixty year old guy waiting for his Cialis to kick in made a game I’d never been in.

I was immediately straddled every hand by the Vietnamese hospital worker to my left who translates for the doctors, excellent chair selection by yours truly since he seemed to also be the one solid player in the game. Figuring his homage to Michael Bennett meant he was an oft-injured running back who can’t get through the holes of his game, the #32 jersey was a simple statement that “I’m a Vikes fan, and hope to all that is holy that Peterson is half the showstopper he should be”.

Somehow I managed to post a decent sized red number over the weekend and will need to reload from the online accounts for a little tourney I’ll be playing in June. I wish I could detail a little more about the guy who looked like Francis “Chainsaw” Gremp after a shave and a shower from “Summer School”, who managed to tilt the rest of the table by turning his last $100 into $400 within an orbit by playing blind, but I must get on with my newly busy life of shuttling around in my pimpin 87’ Cavalier which my brother and dad graciously fixed up after a burst water pipe or something mechanical that a number cruncher like me wouldn’t understand.

Thanks for dropping by, now please go and watch my plunge on the BloggerPokerChallenge leaderboard looking up at the blogfather (which is damn tough to do at 6'4"), as I free fall out of the top 10, then top 20, due to not being able to play or making superawesomelevel15styledstealattemptswithsOOOtedcards and breaking myself.

A test... Lindsay Lohan's left nipple piercing photo is not here.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Stinky Brew

Twinkies suck! Go Brewers!!!

- StB 05/18/07

Bite me Cheesehead! Skol Twinkies!!

- Drizz 05/21/07

Long weekend, made longer due to unexplainable losses at the casino and a flaccid bat during the softball tourney. My WSOP ticket will be purchased when I get my checks from Stars and Tilt in about a week, so if those who have expressed interest please make the transfer via Stars (drizztdj), FullTilt (drizztdj), or Paypal (hrking275 A T without many of those o's).

Since my head is still full of barley hops and alcohol flavored diet coke, I'm going to pass on drafting a trip report right now and give everyone a heads up about a rebuy tourney at Stars for a worthy cause. Much like my absence for the Blogger Big Game last night, I'll be at my cabin this weekend and will miss the tourney but I'm throwing my $10 towards event.

Here's Pauly with the information about the Darfur charity tourney:

Dear Poker Bloggers,

PokerStars is hosting a chairty tournament ONE WEEK from today to help raise money for the war torn Darfur region in the Sudan.

Date: May 27th 2007, 15:30 ET

Buy-in: $10 plus rebuys.

Prizes: Top 4 receive tickets to June 5th premiere in Los Angeles plus 2 nights hotel and $2k for travel/spending. Top 18 receive autographed copy of "Oceans 13" DVD. Total prize pool will go to charity. PokerStars will match the donation. The tournament is open to all players. Good luck!

I'm encouraging all bloggers to spread the word about this event. Please post the information on your blogs.

We got less than 300 players in last week's charity tournament. That was pathetic. My goal is to get at least 1,000 players in this tournament. I need your help.

Please blog about next Sunday's charity tournament. Blog about it two or three times. Please encourage all of your friends to play and if they can't play -- tell them to blog about it.

As I wrote on my blog... online poker players are painted by the mainstream press as degenerate criminals. Here's a chance to show the world that we can do some good with online poker.

Information is on the Tao of Poker. Feel free to cut and paste.

Karma points will be coming your way.


Thanks for dropping by, now hopefully won't donk off the rest of my vanishing home bankroll at the Corky-like special players $2/$4 tables at Grand Casino this weekend as I'll write about some crazy (and bankroll denting) happenings at the Treasure Island tables last weekend. The post will include "when straddling goes bad" and "no, four cards to a straight only works if everyone folds".

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Spring In My Step

I had to close my eyes for a moment this morning as the clunker I had been handed down finally started to show its age by dribbling anti-freeze all over my parent’s driveway while smoke rose from behind its rusted hood. Many moons ago while things were not on the level mentally or physically for this self proclaimed (or wife proclaimed for that matter) man-child I was given a relaxation technique by a college professor who had a few letters behind his name and a small practice for side income.

“After closing your eyes, just immerse yourself into your favorite place”

Sounded a little too much like Apollo Creed telling a hockey player turned professional ball whacking guy to dream about overfollowing beer pitchers being carried out by one Julie Bowen who donned an acceptable white lingerie ensemble. But, the doctor no doubt had seen a few whackos in his day and since I didn’t see the patients before me flinging poo, I decided to try this simple mental brillo pad.

As my furrowed brow sapped over my eyes, I began my adventure into the perfect weather which comes only for four to six weeks in Minnesota. Similar to the time it takes to receive your 30 gig iPod from PokerStars as a thank you for playing into the single digit hours of the morning due to a nocturnal daughter that isn’t going to sleep with a simple reading from the Beauty and Beast mini-book and a couple gulps of skim milk. With the aforementioned prize, I cue up a mix of music similar to my taste in threads.

Matching socks with pants does not come easy for me, because if there’s one fault of many that I wish I could change is my impeccably bad choice of clothing. I wear the same monochromatic polo shirts to work each week, aside one day when I make a bold fashion statement with an ill-fitting button down shirt that was ironed probably the last time the Kansas City Royals could be called “contenders” or even “a professional baseball team”. As my iHome speakers spewed out songs on the back porch by 2LiveCrew, Amy Grant, Pantera, and Alan Jackson in succession, it’s a wonder why the fashion and music police haven’t brought me in as a “person of interest”. Today there’s no care in my happy place, as the spring winds sweep through my mangled uncovered toes with little kisses while reclined on my wife’s fold-out lounge chair. The sun’s rays are gentle enough at this time of year to prevent my chalk white skin from turning the same color as my wife’s cheeks after I explained why the clothes in the dryer remained stationary throughout this day.

“It was too nice out”, a simple explanation that drain a bit of the hulk-sized anger from her forehead as she too succumbed to whistling breeze and snuggle worthy temperatures overlooking our unfinished backyard. Of course, as Vince Neil came on to shout praises for GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS, my better half removed me from her chair and I took up my residence down on the patches of grass along with my company stamped 32 oz. mug with some motivational double-talk spiel on its side. The contents were the same as always (Cap’n Coke for those who have stumbled here looking for advice on how to play AAXX single suited in late position with a tight raiser UTG), but the environment changed as the sun started to go over Highway 494, heading west to signal that once it reached the rich part of town with its still bloated real estate prices, that snow pants and gloves would be needed to brave any blizzard that was sure to fall at night time.

Some people play air guitar, I set down my drink to shoot a few holes of air golf at Augusta National. My five iron was giving me trouble once again as my downswing was a little too quick and caught a little fat on the hilly lie and the ball ended up in Rae’s Creek, Tiger in his Sunday reds shook his head as I solemnly went to retrieve my ball. The ensuing divot was frowned upon by the matron overlooking from the gallery above, not for ruining one of the few patches of decent grass growth in our barren yard, but for the dorkishness of the faux shot displayed by her husband of almost seven years.

As the bottom of the mug was reached, the kids informed us via shouts that supper needed to be served and the gnats decided I was a decent appetizer. An audible sigh left my mouth as I climbed back up the stairs of the deck to head into the smells of pot roast, taters, and carrots slowly steaming in the crock-pot sitting in the kitchen. Thus ended a perfect spring day in Minnesota, and reason to get up for the next one tomorrow.

Maybe that doctor knew what he was talking about.

Thanks for dropping by, now I thought about if I had died last night and the first post my family would read was yesterday’s fapping exercise and decided, I should improve a bit on that or at least hide my peppermint lotion a little better.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Minty Dreams

I guess my two million spam votes paid off to get Lohan voted Maxim's Hot 100 top chick.

Guess the sandwiches finally worked.

Since there was zero poker played after throwing out my shoulder last night at softball, I have a question to all:

Who do you think masturbates more on a weekly basis?

a) High school virgin

b) A recently out-of-work porn star

c) A married man/woman

d) A man/woman just recently dumped from a long-term relationship

e) Your dog that is not Bob Barker approved by having him spayed or neutered.

Thanks for dropping by, now I intend on making at least the final table tonight to make up for my third-time-in-a-row out of the points finish in the Hoy, while slinging cards tonight at the Mookie for the BloggerPokerChallenge.

Fear the nurse.

And Mike... I'd like to tackle this, due to the perfect weather we've had for the past week. Despite my sub-standard skillz I have some ideas rolling around for it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Seven Deadly Memes

Since the meme calls from the outer reaches of Texas, I must answer.

Seven things about me that were better unknown and may cause dizziness and nausea, please remain in the seated position and dream about Lindsay Lohan during this post:

1) I am most likely the only (if not one of the very few) bloggers who does not have a bachelor's degree. Despite starting at Arizona State University fresh out of high school, staring at the bronzed ladies by the Sonora doom room poolside area were not enough to keep me there.

2) I have one regret in life, it concerns the death of my ex-girlfriend from high school. After that I have no shames. Get me drunk enough at a blogger event and I may tell you the back story.

3) I am physically unable to spell any word backward. Yes, that includes the word "be" and any palindrome (yes I know what a palindrome is, if you don't... remember that "A slut taxes sex at Tulsa" but I'm not exactly sure what services those taxes are on however). If you prop bet me on this, you'll get a raised eyebrow and possibly a decent beer poured over you.

4) Despite not being fans of their music, my cat, and my sister-in-law's cat are named after Simon and Garfunkle. It seemed like the only way to get away with calling the cat "Funky" without questioning its ability to bust a move.

5) I have hit a golf ball 400 yards (non-cart path aided), I have hit a softball 400 feet, I have thrown 10 strikes in a row in a regulated game of bowling, and I have hit a spike so hard during a game it hit the floor and bounced high enough to hit a gym's ceiling. Despite being 6'4" and having a basketball rim in the backyard of my parent's home, I cannot hit a six foot jump shot to save my life.

6) While on vacation, I once made-out and felt up a girl who was two years younger then I that I'd just met five hours prior to nipplegate in front of her parents while watching a movie with them sitting next to us.

7) I once drove 300 miles to International Falls, MN to see a girl's high school graduation that had been writing "mushy" letters to me while I was at Arizona State only to find out she had a boyfriend after I got there and spent the weekend in her grandmother's basement except for the ceremony and snagged a couple of wonderful roast beef sandwiches at the graduation party.

The Hoy once again proved to be my thorn in this blogger dealy-o as they are only tournaments I have not received points in for the BloggerPokerChallenge. Last night it was a coin flip of JJ vs. AKo that spelled my demise, as I made do with the crappy cards I'd received for the first 90 minutes. But, thanks to some wonderfully gifted card slingers at the NLO8 cash games, I was able to make a few beer bucks for the WSOP trip. These tables are not for the faint of heart as dropping 10 buy ins isn't unheard of (but we won't mention names) but the upswings are as easy as catching cards and knowing your odds while pushing with a big draw.

Thanks for dropping by, now I must return to corporate life as I'm in training for the entire week on how to draft brand spankin new TPS reports.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Its A New Day

Starting my new job today, so I'm getting a feel for the change (which is welcomed, not to mention this kick ass comfty chair!).

Tomorrow I'd like to broach a subject of marriage for a stroll around my brain which has been on overload lately.

Be back tomorrow folks.

And if you haven't already congratulated the Pokernews crew for landing the WSOP duties, please go do so. Our refresh buttons will rejoice during all events now :)

Congrats guys, you earned it!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Bracelet Race Today!

I will be blinding off today while here for Mother's Day dinner, hopefully returning to play in the Bloggers/Riverchasers bracelet race (see Keeley's tits for password information) at Full Tilt today at 6pm CST/7pm EST.

If I don't get back in time, enjoy my chips and see you at the WSOP!

Friday, May 11, 2007

Are You A Drunk Daddy?

Wyatt (after getting up for the third time tonight): What are you doing?

Me: Still playing poker and chatting with friends.

Wyatt: Can I have some of that? (pointing to my Cap'n Morgan glass filled with an "adult" beverage)

Me: No, that's an adult drink Wyatt, now its time for you to go back to bed.

Wyatt: Yeah daddy you REALLY like adult drinks!

Me: That I do.

Have a good weekend, photo credits to my father-in-law, and cuteness coming from the wife's genes.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I Shall Fly

If you came here to see Lindsay Lohan eating a sandwich yesterday, that would explain the tripling of the traffic.

Being a baseball fan, I like this pic of her much better.

Ok, the lets-send-Drizz-to-the-WSOP charity drive responses have blown my mind so far. There have been 23.5 shares purchased by my fellow brothers (and sisters) in writing arms and after suggestions from the Pokernews crew, I shall be staying at the Gold Coast which has all the $5 Pai Gow tables and bowling alleys I'll need for cheap fun AND within walking distance to the final table on Tuesday :)

Minneapolis to Las Vegas
5:15 pm - 6:35 pm
Sun Country Airlines
Las Vegas to Minneapolis
2:10 pm - 7:05 pm
Sun Country Airlines

Hotel: Gold Coast Hotel and Casino
Room reservation: 1 adult
Gold Coast Hotel and Casino
Check in: Sun 6/24/2007
Check out: Wed 6/27/2007
For payment information on the shares, please make a transfer to my Full Tilt or Stars account (Drizztdj) or if you'd like to transfer via PayPal, just email me for the account information (hrking275 a t comcast d o t net). Again, I can't thank everyone enough for sending this low roller to the WSOP and never dreamt playing would come this soon. At the moment I feel like Eddie the Eagle at the 98' Winter Olympics making an attempt at a prize far outside of his comfort area, but this will probably pass after I stack someone with a nut low-nut flush.
Add Al, Chilly, Gary, Ten Mile, Bobby Bracelet to the list of ski jumping backers :)

There are 6.5 shares up for grabs out there, if you are interested please leave a comment or send me an email.

The Moooooookie's headlines have been the same for myself throughout the BloggerPokerChallenge, make the points, lose a key hand, finish short of the money. One suckout got me to the points, and a coinflip finished me off. Very vanilla, not even a praline or carmel sauce to spice up my tourney. At least the chat was worthy, and there's a free apple streusel pancake mix box on my desk for anyone who's hungry for breakfast tomorrow.

Thanks for dropping by, now make sure you're joining me at the WSOP by winning the Keeley's shirt this weekend!!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here

Here's the list of those folks who are investing in the highest variance game (see below) outside of No Limit Triple Draw Slapjack with jokers (Kyra sits in amazement):


Joe Speaker
Daddy (do SnailTrax shirts come in XXL? I'll get one after we chat this evening)
CJ (please have lady luck rub the mobneys for good luck first :D )

The shares are set at $50 a piece and twenty-two of them are available (because the top three people have already expressed their exact interest and I'll update availablity throughout the day). Please let me know how many shares you want (or half-shares if $50 is too much) and I'll keep at least one share available to those on the list above. Please give me your email addresses at (hrking275 at comcast d o t net) or hit me up on Yahoo IM (hrking275) so we can work out money transfering information.

I can't thank everyone enough for their encouragement, I never thought I'd be able to cross something off my life "to do" list so soon (hopefully Lindsay Lohan will be out there so I can tell her to please eat a sandwich or ten for another check off the list!).

And if Pauly and Otis are reading... any help with logistics that you can throw my way despite your extremely busy schedules (where to stay, how to register, do I prop bet Gavin Smith into a game of bowling, what to/not to wear, size of hooker bar tips, etc...) I'd be forever graceful.

And to my understanding wife, I still don't know what possessed you to marry me but hopefully this will end up as a grand story and a little bling to bring home. If not, I promise at least a story.

Thanks for dropping by, now I shall be at the Mookie tonight to retain my top 10 status that was lost due to not being home for the last two events of the BloggerPokerChallenge.

Fear the angry nurse.

And a belated Happy Birthday to the Blogfather, for a proper online birthday celebration, hit up Al's post and don't forget the peppermint lotion.

Its my daughter's birthday today, so this page may also get updated with the customary messy cake picture. Edit: A little cleaner then I remember

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

A Show Of Hands Please

** Disclaimer - I am just getting a feel for this, I am not going to play unless I win a bracelet race (of course that would mean actually ENTERING one first) or suck up my pride and accept any generous moneys you throw at this low roller**

If I were to beg and plead for internet mobneys to enter the $1,500 World Series of Poker event #42, which happens to be Pot Limit Omaha Eight or Better.

Would there be any stakers willing to take a risk on the world's worst Omahahahaha player?

Again, I have ZERO idea about my chances playing against a bunch of no limit hold em kids that find their way over to this, relatively, small new event. But, I'd wager I would do a little better then most.

If there's enough (any) interest, I'm going to have a heart to heart talk with the wife about coming out to Vegas for this event as its been a dream of mine for years to play just once. Even if there's no replies I'm about 50/50 for taking my cash and shoving it towards a wrap low straight flush draw.

** I may delete this post by tomorrow, because I hate myself for even asking **

We Be Truckin

Pauly is bringing sexy back with another issue of Truckin!

I'm swearing off any writing today due drinking Modelo Especial out in a parking lot late after softball last night and missing the Hoy in process.

Here's Dr. Pauly and the crew serving up another round stories more then the five senses:

We close out the fourth year of Truckin' with an issue that features a couple of new scribes.

1. 60 Hours in Amsterdam, Part I by Paul McGuire
I was worried that the Air France ticket agent in Nice was going to send my bags to Paris. He kept asking me if I was going to Paris and I responded with "Amsterdam" everytime he asked... More

2. Stuck in Monte Carlo by Otis Dart
It was actually the sea that I had stepped out on the balcony to see. I'd only been on the ground in Monte Carlo for a few hours. The moment I crashed into my room at the brand new Monte Carlo Bay Resort, I'd fallen into the most comfortable bed in the world... More

3. Emilio Estevez Loses His Tooth by BTreotchFour minutes earlier, Emilio Estevez was beating his kid-brother Carlos while he was hog tied and strapped to the top rail of their swing set with cheap-itchy yellow rope... More

4. Confessions of a Man by Sigge S. Amdal
I should have asked her for a date. Any date at all. 4th of March, 6th of April, didn't really matter. As long as we could go and have a dinner, or see a movie or something. It's not like I'm craving a relationship, I've got too much to do already, but it stung inside of me knowing that I'd already lost a chance. A chance. Singular term. There could be more coming... More

5. A Grand Day Out by Susan BentlyOn the other side of the road sat this German guy's car with a huge dent on the bonnet and his family sitting in the car, wife and children looking wide-eyed and pale. The bleeding carcass of a moose lay next to the car, dark patches of blood over the centerline... More

6. City of Sins by Clay ChamplinPeople head to Las Vegas for two reasons: salvation or condemnation. Those looking to be saved from their mundane Midwestern lives bask in the perpetual glow of the strip or gawk skyward at downtown's Freemont street experience... More

What a Long Strange Trip It's Been...From the Editor's Laptop:

This issue features an interesting mix of new and old writers in one of the strongest issues of the year. Susan Bently and Clay Champlin join the staff along with familiar faces such as Otis and everyone's favorite Norwegian word wanker Sigge.

And finally, BTreotch is back with the second installment of his hilarious Emilio Estevez series. My contribution this month is about a short side trip to Amsterdam after a work assignment in Monte Carlo.

I ask that if you like these stories, then please do me and the rest of the writers a huge favor: Tell your friends about your favorite stories. It takes a few seconds to pass along Truckin'. I certainly appreciate your support. Feel free to shoot me an e-mail if you know anyone who is interested in being added to the mailing list.Thanks to the writers who exposed their souls to the world and wrote for free. I'm lucky that you were willing to take that leap of faith with me. Thanks for inspiring me.Thanks again to you the readers for wasting your precious time with Truckin'.

Until next time.


Monday, May 07, 2007

Skiing On Fun

Ever shouted a little louder then you should have?

Ever got lost into a moment that you didn’t care of the disapproving stares?

Ok, alcohol was involved, but it’s refreshing to just go for an entire day and just burst out without social rule constraints. But, before making an ass out of myself (and of course this was not the first time, shocking to many I know) I took little ride through the heart of Minnesota.

Lake City, naming itself proudly on those “welcome to” city boards complete with Knights of Columbus plaque, as the birthplace of waterskiing! Considering the vast waters of Lake Pepin, I see a excellent chance to hit a nice sized wake for some embarrassing wipeouts while planted on two planks of fiberglass. The serene air about this small towns like Wabasha (think of a Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon movie) and Winona is what Minnesota is about. There was a massive garage sale up and down the coast of Lake Pepin with bargain hunters out in droves, searching for that cute little Sunday outfit for their kids with a $.50 bright orange sticker attached. Massey-Ferguson tractors, picnic tables, and even roadside cheese curds stands lined up along highway 61 to attract people “from the Cities” into their homes for bargain and maybe a story behind it if you understood our accents.

Number of seniors spotted wearing a Minnesota Tuxedo consisting of: John Deere trucker hat, flannel shirt (temperature be damned), and Dickies/Wranglers overalls: 7

Number of times I shook my head at the site of this outfit despite living here my entire life: 7

Passing towns with a population less then an auditorium class at the U of M and checking out the $4.99 steak and eggs special at Flo’s Diner, really knocks your senses back to a time before PDAs, Wii’s, and internet poker.

I-90 was a quicker, more direct route to our destination of Winona, MN home of the USBA State Bowling tournament and future site of Drizz’s spaz-tastic hours of fun at my own expense. But, if you ever decide to hop up to this great state for a visit, do yourself a favor and take the little highway 61 route up the Wisconsin/Minnesota border. Stare out at the big, beautiful lake and let the cold mist hit your face while having a picnic lunch on the various patches of grass facing the big body of water.

As for the bowling tournament, I decided to hit up the bar to loosen up a little bit before tap dancing my way into dorkdom. The microbrew being offered by a local brewery had an excellent taste with little/no bitterness on the ends. Backwater Brewing Company offered some very tasty wares that I may, or may not have consumed at a rapid pace, I know Chris the diminutive waitress with a 1000 watt smile and body enjoyed my tips. My advice is to sample the RiverTown Nut Brown if you enjoy Newcastle, and definitely the Steamboat Stout for darker beer lovers out there. As customary while bowling for money I managed to get myself three sheets into wind and barely missed out the money for the singles event.

Then, the fourth sheet hit before me and my brother-in-law started the doubles competition. 236 – 236 – 192 not bad for someone who averages 166, and when the leaderboard gets updated, you’ll see my name in the top 20 out of over 1,000 entries. Worth a little bit of dignity? Like I had any to begin with, as with every strike there was a fist bump, a shout, and kissing my adorable niece for luck.

A purging I think they call it, as the daily grind goes away and you’re stripped of any schedule, any responsibilities, or any cares. Just you and a feeling of light-headedness that really doesn’t require any barley hops or Southern Comfort (but I still had a celebration shot afterward anyway).

Thanks for dropping by, now unless rain rain comes again at the softball fields, I’ll be missing out on the Hoy tonight and allowing Waffle’s to obtain more unspeakable points in the Bloggerpokerchallege. Good luck to all.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Min-Raising Drunk People

In the immortal words of Daddy...

Daddy: it's like farting in an elevator and nobody giving you the "eye."
Daddy: goddamn, that's the perfect analogy. elevator fart clearance v. a walk on a MP minraise.

Drink on folks, and remember to min-raise those aces!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Four Days On the Disabled List

And the Yankees fire...

... their conditioning coach?

I guess someone didn't get their morning rub and tug on time while on the DL.

I'm off for a weekend of golf, bowling, beer, and a possiblity of poker not necessarily in that order.

If you were say a "free" man on a given weekend and could happen to glance by a cardroom like Canterbury Park on the way home from a previous engagement despite adding an extra 45 minutes to the car ride would you go? I'm feeling a strong pull into that $4/$8 Limit Omaha 8 or better with 1/2 kill that Canterbury spreads, but the amount of sharks that circle the waters waiting for the empty seats to fill up doesn't make it +EV. As stated many times, my limit game resembles a kodiak bear trying to knit a sweater for a field mouse. Instead of using patience, I try to pounce on every sight of weakness and end up paying off many big bets when those gutshots and flushes come in. Great for Pot Limit, bleeds Liverpool red on the bankroll ledger for Limit.

Plus with some horsey bettors flush with cash from the Kentucky Derby, I'd figure the cardroom will be hopping with low limit "lets try poker!" types to shore up my home bankroll a bit.

If not, the chicken strips are usually decent, and there's always PAI GOW! in the back room for -EV despite the California rules of having to pay an ante each hand.

The Mooooooookie last night was uneventful, made the points, got shortstacked, lost a 40/60 trying to be aggressive. Nothing exciting except for the chat of course which is the reason why you pay the $11 admission fee to the carnival's Tilt-a-Whirl ride on Full Tilt. Just eat the cheese curds AFTER you've been spun around like someone trying to guard LeBron in the lane.

Almost to the half way point of the BloggerPokerChallenge brought to you by Poker On Mac and whoever is serving Al that particular night, and I'm sitting around 15th place still nursing along without being able to crack another final table appearance since chopping up The Big Game and make a run at those top three spots.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you've ever felt "small" because a boss or someone with "higher social status" decided to thumb you into the ground here's a story for you.

If you haven't already read it, here's a story of Terrance Chan at the Playboy Mansion charity tourney (which some people we might know went to last year). And the letter on Iggy's site explaining the "other side" of the argument that has the same uppity tone from "you're no Johnny Chan" chick here. Ugh. Trying to play victim here after writing those things? Joy has some self-love issues, not to mention captialization is your friend, embrace the shift key Joy!

I weep for people who think they're "bigger" then others because of social status except for Bobby Bracelet who has a right to laugh at your junk size and horrible blackjack strategies.

See you at the Riverchasers tourney this evening!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The 79,200 Inch Run For The Roses

I don't know if anyone noticed but there's a sizable horse race coming up and no whiff of LEGAL internet wagering on said horse race.

The employees of that wonderful roast beef snack shop, Arby's, need to stop testing my squirrel-sized brain. I was in my happy place, my team won a softball national qualifer, my window was rolled down taking in the beautiful Minnesota day along I-94, and the 5 for $5.95 special at Arby's was about to take care of my malnutrition of drinking a couple of flat Coors Lights after an entire day of rather competitive play at the fields and no Snickers to satisfy my hunger.

My wife requested one roast beef sandwich, bun, Arby's sauce, and hold the government tub of nacho cheese (which I love). Since she took take of the kids all day while her husband was busy working on a farmer's tan at a remote softball field, I figured obtaining a round disc of beef and bread with no dairy products should be a simple request to fulfill.

But nay.

"Can I take your order, sir?"

"Yes, you can, I would like the 5 for $5.95 special"


"Two Arby's Melts, Two Curly Fries, and one Regular roast beef sandwich"

"Sir, you can't order a regular sandwich"


"But, you can have an Arby Melt without cheese"


"Sir? Are you there?"

If you know what the other person means, is there a reason to make those tiny pistons in someone elses brain to run hot enough to reach maximum viscosity and thermal breakdown (kudos if you know the brand of motor oil)?

Thanks for dropping by, now remember the Mooooookie is tonight, expect my weak-tight ninja cow (hat tip to Wicked Chops for the clip) game unless we receive some bad news about an ailing grandmother.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Yes, It Is a Sport

Poker on Yahoo!

Poker on AOL.

Poker on "Comcast On Demand" far behind?

Give it five years and you'll be playing $2/$4 Stud Eight or Better with your Wii Remote on while watching the series finale of Lost, and betting on the 5th at Canterbury Park on your TV.

If I could use those frequent players points to pay the nasty cable bill each month, I'd multi-table until the Playboy TV/Sunday NFL Ticket add-on charge was paid off.

Question: If there was someone standing no more then twelve feet from you and could launch a projectile at a speed approaching 100 m.p.h., would you try to piss off this individual?

Why a slowpitch softball pitcher would ever want to taunt the batter AND run close to home plate after throwing is beyond my comprehension. Luckily for him it was a friendly game last night in the bar leagues so I sent a kind reminder to his Mizuno cleats instead of his overpriced Under Armour black and silver cap.

He didn't dance after that.

I will be trying to attend more of the Battle of the Blogger Tourneys later this week (Mooooookie and Riverchasers) as I got home a little too late from playing last night due to three different downpour delays and the fact that my team took almost 20 minutes to finish their half an inning before the mercy rule came into effect.

Worst for the other team but there's nothing like sitting on a wet bench for 20 minutes to finish off a 33-7 game. Must be how the Yankees feel every week.

Thanks for dropping by, now I must confess to being signed up for a 2-day bowling tourney this weekend, adding that to the softball tourney last weekend what should be my next choice of "athletic" competition?

World Series of Quarters?
ACA sponsored Cornhole tourney!