Thursday, February 28, 2008

Live Blogging $50 HORSE with Keith Sexton!

Why am I here posting at night?

Because its time to go even further in the hole since 3-buy ins down isn't enough and my drink is on.

WhoWuddaThot: got lucky
SnailTrax: got lucky being born an idiot?

Yes, lets play a $50 HORSE SnG with Keith Sexton, Daddy, and DonkeyPuncher!

10:20pm Daddy's set of 4s falls to 32o that four flushes (see note above)

10:25pm Near double cash in the Daily Double thwarted when flush chaser over comes my top two for nearly his whole stack near the money. I hate poker deeply.

10:28pm Daddy's stacked in half by same idiot in O8 when quads hit the river

10:32pm SnailTrax: Hey, I've got Keith Friggin' Sexton outchipped. WhoWuddaThot: lol

10:38pm SnailTrax: Still can't belive the Full Tilt Store is giving up one-legged asian boys for 6,000,000 FTP. Talk about a deal. Dealer: moonbeams wins the pot (120)Dealer: Hand #5438494224 SnailTrax: Looks like the Mini Cooper will have to wait.

10:40pm Dealer: Hand #5438499268WhoWuddaThot: whew SnailTrax: Keith, what do you drive? Keith Sexton: batmobile Dealer: WhoWuddaThot shows two pair, Tens and FivesDealer: WhoWuddaThot wins the pot (1,460) with two pair, Tens and FivesSnailTrax: Sick.Dealer: Hand #5438507901 WhoWuddaThot: needed that SnailTrax: Do you have an implied odds calculator on your BatBelt?

10:41pm Still alive in DD1, not looking good for the cat

10:42pm All in with Queens, great someone wakes up with Kings and I bubble great fuckin night of poker

10:46pm DP is all in and doesn't catch up to AQo of the idiot, one blogger down

10:49pm Daddy is back with a rivered wheel in Stud H/L SnailTrax: That play reminded me of Keith Sexton in the '97 Series.

10:52pm I'm lowish on chips, Daddy is kicking some ass after his wheel

10:57pm rolled up fours in Razz, that's about how my night is going

10:59pm I get a little back with a bully calling my all in with a 9, I hit a smooth 6 to stay alive

11:04pm Captain Coke nearly gone and so are my chips, seriously considering no poker for the month of March, Daddy still solid in 2nd place

11:06pm Bubble time and yours truly is ass-backward in last, good thing me and Daddy swapped or this would truly suck ass bubbling

11:10pm Coooooooooooooooooold fuckin cards going with 456, and a double!

11:13pm holy double cash batman!! SEXTON IS TOAST!!

11:15pm another double as I avoid 15 million outs in Stud H/L, Daddy sitting on 3K, chip leader 7K, me 1.7K

11:19pm Beer/Cap'n piss and some Metal Shop rock to take this bitch home, I need some lovin'

11:21pm ANOTHER DOUBLE! 98s flops two pair gets called down by top pair no kicker

11:25pm Blinds getting up there at 150/300, I needs some lovin again

11:29pm No Omaha love as I flat line with trips vs. a straight

11:29pm Daddy out next hand to the luckbox, and we all sing in the yellow submarine full of cash except the losing 3 buy ins part which still sucks, time to go strum some Raining Blood on Guitar Hero.



More Swings Then a Double Decker Driving Range

First off, a big thank you to and their representatives in yesterday's $500 freeroll (well $600 if you count LeCheese going LeGigli). I got cards to began with, lost a big coin flip to Moooooooooooookie with about six people left, and with the little ones jumping on me, couldn't find my "D" game and splashed a PLO pot with semi-connecting cards that couldn't beat Gunz's Trip Kings (who I'm happy to see chopped it up 4 ways congrats BadBlood, Mookie, and SeattleJohn!!!). I guess that made me the bubble boy again and my company will be sending a bill for a new monitor and PC to G-Vegas tomorrow. I did manage to outlast he-who-punches-donkeys and the BadgerBadgerBadger fan for a couple of bounties :)

Free beer > Free air

I would end the night back on the computer after promising myself some sleep for once. Second hand at a PLO8 cash game at Stars doubles me up. "Hmmmmmm, good decision to stay up" I think to myself. 15 minutes later I get it all in with top set on the turn with no flush possible versus a straight draw, draw hits. 45 minutes later my gazillion out draw doesn't come in and I'm down a buy in now.

A pop up for a 4-max PLO tourney appears, 4-max PLO????? That'll be quicker then me rubbing one off to those naked Lindsay Lohan pics. Five minutes after entering the tourney, I get stacked again holding top set of Kings on a rainbow board with the second nut low draw, he goes runner runner wheel, same guy. I shout things in his general direction and look for the cat to throw but found a PokerStars stress star instead and nearly throw it through the TV as cold things tend to be hard. 15 minutes after that, bye bye bye to stack again and I'll keep my dollar this time thank-you-very-much.

Meanwhile... I'm not sucking in the PLO tourney, get to $4K in chips left with blinds at $500/$1000, 20 players left and my two table mates have 35K and 36K respectively.

At least they did.

No, Hoy synopsis, nor Hoy-type dollars, just the facts sir. For a low rolling grinder like myself, a 2nd place while being down 10:1 to start heads-up and down 2.5 stacks in the cash games was as relieving as the first long beer piss of a fine drinking evening.



Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Drunk Trailer Trash > Drunk Poker

Had I not gone to the WSOP last year and seen up front the madness of the tourney, I would give serious thought to playing. I am however giving serious consideration to going out there for the PLO8 cash games on my own dime and give some hard working media-types a smile or two.

But, the trailer will give new memories for years to come whereas a dank chair and some clay chips next to strung out over-hyped ego-centric poker players would probably turn me off this game for good. I play to have fun and drink a little, not to acquire a sponsorship from a poker site (but if the makers of Captain Morgan wanted to send me... YARRRRRRRRRR!!)

Maybe its the reason I would never want to win a big tourney because I would have reached the unreachable and have nothing to play for anymore (who likes winning five figures in the 50-50 anyway?!?! Grats to Hoy). Currently, I play because friends are lurking in the girly chat boxes and because I enjoy taking $200-$300 nightly swings when my bankroll is only a shade healthier then Mitt Romney's presidental campaign. I may need to bring back mid-week drinking again.

Here are the two trailers we're looking at:

Love train #1

Love train #2

YES! NO! NO! YESSSSSSSSSSSSs! I think if my wife was awake while I was playing last night she probably thought I was betting on a college basketball game while enjoying fake first-time lesbian porn versus the yo-yo Omaha games on my laptop that nearly doubled my Full Tilt bankroll then threatened to leave me with scraps.

Omaha tip #1123: If someone types "You can't expect me to fold Kings pre-flop with a flush draw can you?", note this person and enjoy his/her money when the 30% doesn't hit.

Tonight the folks at are putting on a blogger challenge with a few people known to this part of the interwebs. Please drop by and taunt DP when he decides three pair is a really really good hand. I believe the start time is 5 CST which means I gotta avoid any traffic on the way home using my snow plow to jack that retro purple colored VW Bug over a bridge to make the first hand. If I miss the round of Hold Em', I probably would do better anyway :)

On Wednesday, a unique tournament will take place at Full Tilt Poker. Myself, and a few of Internet’s best poker authors, are going to play a two table sit’n’go and determine who the best poker blogger is … best at playing poker that is. Not writing.

The tournament is sponsored by and has the slightly narcissistic name LeCheese Challenge. We’ll play a mixture of Texas Hold’em and Omaha, both in pot-limit format, with stacks a bit deeper than normal. That combination requires a lot of poker skills and it’ll be impossible to go all in all the time. Instead, we have to see flops! Something certain poker players don’t like.

I really look forward to this – $500 to the winner and $100 to the player who knocks me out, if anyone manages to accomplish that.

Participating poker bloggers so far:

John - BadBlood
Drizztdj - Nickle and Dimes
Byron - Biggestron Writes
Scott - Doubleas
Dave - PokerKingBlog
Jason Turner - TripJax
John - SeattleJohnPoker
Jeff - DonkeyPuncher
MrSubliminal - MrSubliminal

Two of the most prominent RakeBrain players will also participate in LeCheese Challenge: JJProdigys Gran and td8507.

Fellow poker bloggers; those are the players we’ve got to take down to stand a chance. I know they play quite a lot of poker – maybe more than all of us combined.

$20 last longer he-who-punches-donkeys?

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Decent Proposal

I started with some lame Lindsay Lohan/Me story sharing a line of blow and me giggling at her naked boobies after she gave me a million bucks to teach her how to play a wrap wheel low draw after being led into on the turn, but poker nerdery has no place when she'd be much more satisfied with the five seconds of bliss between the sheets.

At least I'd be satisfied and Demi Moore would be crying since all she got was Woody and The Natural.

Instead you get the following:

Your hard working dad is holding the oldest child like the son he never got to meet since work unfortunately pulled him away from the simple parenting pleasures of watching a toddler grow-up. With the wide smile on his face that only a proud grandparent can wear, he lays out a proposition that makes you look for Alan Funt behind the mini ficcus tree in the living room.

$10,000 for a down payment and almost pay off a new trailer, for the small plot of land we own up north


Enter the World Series of Poker Main Event

Which would you choose and why? The clock starts now.

And a big BOOOOOOOOOOO to Krispy Kreme leaving the frozen north. This particular store was no more then a mile from my house.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Fuchsia Me Freely

Did you know that donkeys kill more people annually then plane crashes? Remember this next time your Aces get called down by someone with eight-three offsuit and hits two pair on the river.

It felt like spring yesterday here in the frozen north as the outside mall area saw people shaking off ice chunks on their ski jackets to enjoy the 30 degree temps. We took the opportunity to take the kids out for a walk and browse the different kitchen wares (how many knives does a chef really need?!!), mass produced scented soaps and oils of Bath and Body Works, and lose the rest of my hearing going by the Hollister store. Stupid pretty people.

A strange thing happened as we stepped inside Pottery Barn for kids, and maybe it was strange since I spent the earlier part of the afternoon taking money from Scott Fischman at the PLO8 tables and voluntarily raising my blood alcohol levels while watching Tiger Woods remind me that golfing is easy on the couch. The other stores had rather attractive, albeit younger then I, female clientele but when we entered the Pottery Barn for Kids several fat women with bloated stomachs and very loud T-shirts exclaiming “Party at my crib!” and “These feet are made for crawling” threatened to knock over every overpriced French to English color wheel (do kids really need to know what color Periwinkle is???) and organic navy blue towel set within their sizable girth.

They did have nice tits however.

Poker was meh, except for Pauly’s PLO tourney on Saturday which rocked due to the people playing. I thank the good doctor for taking time out from his busy schedule to put together a blogger tourney that’s more for the fun versus card prowlness. Yes, I was the bubble boy but I’ll gladly spend eleven bucks to sling cards with friends of a couple of hours. Even with the pending BBT3 on the horizon, make sure you mark this one down to relax to.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Could You Speak A Little Louder Please?

Thank you kindly to all to all the responses as the "WTF" stage has past by and I'm back to sipping Cap'n Cokes on a Friday afternoon while the kids are hibernating under the hum of the laundry machine and Scooby-Doo videos.

Sanity is an hour to hour thing for me. It comes in bits and pieces, a kiss from the wife, a pat on the back at work, or a few quiet moments with my thoughts. After a lifetime of being judged by my apperance or lack of comprehending sentences being voiced in my direction, it's refreshing to come here and dole out my feelings and words I couldn't utter in public because my tongue ties up like traffic on an LA expressway. Often I'm left with bottled up emotions reflecting on trivals things that have happened in the past, versus taking the now and just enjoying some fresh oxygen that isn't flavored with despire and self-pity.

For putting up with my barbaric use of the English language. I tip my glass to you.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Choose Your Own Ending: Restaurant Edition

The day after returning to the frozen tundra where spit is turned into ice droplets before it shatters off the ground, I figured a dinner with the family at a favorite local restaurant would remind me why I get up at 4:30am every morning when it’s ten below out. Granite City is a blend between a sports bar and nice restaurant, along with a short selection of very good handcrafted micro-brews. The wife and kids were in good spirits as Wyatt decided several intellectually challenging games of Tic-Tac-Toe would keep him busy until my peppercorn bacon cheeseburger with fried onion shavings arrived.

Kyra voiced her concerned about the flat milk she received but turned her attention to the waxy texture of the blue crayon over the red one as she colored ferociously outside of the lines in defiance of the new surrealism art movement. Meanwhile I enjoyed my carefully crafted “Brother Benedict Bock” which was served at a perfect temperature by a local hottie with sparkling blue eyes with some ginger highlights. Yes, I just looked at her face. She may have had a nice ass too but I didn’t take notice.

While Jim Rome prattled on in the background about baseball players who decided to juice themselves, my stomach’s radar began beeping loudly as my slab of flipped bovine grew near. Chicken strips for the little one had to be symmetrically prepared and quick parent’s hands used as the manager tried to be cute with younger female at the table with a joke. Jokes are fine, but don’t put an open bowl of syrup dipped fruit in front of an 18 month old unless you enjoy swimming in the sticky substance. Thoughts of implanting my wedding ring and four knuckles into his right eye socket subsided quickly with another sip of the beer and smell of the burger.

After carefully cutting the burger in half for dipping purposes I grabbed the bottle of ketchup sitting in front of me and shook it to loosen the contents. Unfortunately, the contents did not remain in the bottle after the shaking and managed to make my pants and shirt look like I was a midwife just completing my duties of assisting the fairer sex of bringing a new life into this world. Stunned, I wondered which restaurant employee was going to receive the wedgie of fury followed by false declarations of never returning here.

“I left the bottle open” the wife said

“Ok, why would you put the cap back on without tightening it?” I asked while keeping my emotions bottled unlike the sticky Heinz red sauce that lined my clothes

“You should have checked” the wife proclaimed, using her Teflon style of arguing while she looks at her grilled chicken sandwich

Here’s where you the viewer can chime in. What is your reply?

a) “You’re right honey, how thoughtless of me to think that the cap on a bottle of ketchup would be fastened” stated with no dripping sarcasm

b) The same as above but let the sarcasm come out as it should

c) “Could you explain the idea behind leaving the cap on top of the bottle?” “Would you like another demonstration of what happens?” then splatter her new blonde highlights and tight polo shirt with ketchup and look forward to sex with lefty and righty for the next six to twelve months

d) Leave your custom reply in the comments area

Enjoy your day and don’t forget to wrap your condiments! Yes, I laughed at myself the day after but not so much that day.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lone Star Sun

Sitting up top a concrete slab with no guardrails, no signs that OSHA was coming by soon, and no worries about what was going to happen next. Rusted rebar stuck up in the middle of floor in a palm tree fashion, the banos had no doors (but we were assured they were coming tomorrow along with the free beer). The wind danced across my exposed legs and arms with hint of warmth as the Mexican beer did its duty at bargain prices, served with a crooked smile.

The south Texas/Mexico trip was successful on many levels, defrosting these bones from the inhumane weather people up here endure every winter. Today, I promised my co-workers Chinese food from a local joint if the temperature hit above zero by ten o’clock, Al has a better chance of passing a sobriety test at 2am coming from his new local bar then they have in getting some fresh kung po chicken with fried rice and cream cheese wontons. The slight burn across my forehead from golfing without a hat was worth the aloe and stares to feel the sun again without wondering if the onset of hypothermia has begun.

Traveling to and from the Mexican border the landscape shows the poverty and growth of the area. Schools and senior citizen communities are lined with military razor wire fence, trailer parks with pink granny panties and well used t-shirts flapping the wind showed the economic blight of the region. Then the page would turn in the book and illustrations of lush farms, grapefruit trees, and new housing developments showed a beautiful side of the Lone Star state. Willy’s BBQ house gave me a little taste of the famed Texas BBQ yet tasted like Kate Moss on a diet, sweet but lacked thickness. I’m sure if my frozen block of mind was thinking a quick email to The Fat Guy or April would have directed me to a proper slab of bovine.

Mexico was a step backwards in time as my change from the first round of Sol beers and a margarita for my better half showed a ten dollar bill from 1934. Peddlers lined the streets hoping to find a worthy sucker to snap up their knock off Kate Spade purses or Oakley glasses. Luckily the wife spoke a little of the native tongue, as my Spanish doesn’t go past what Big Bird taught me and she saved a few bucks while haggling over the Mexican national soccer team outfit for the little one back home.

Thoroughly sloshed, we headed back to the home base for what would become a four day long Chinese Poker game and turning the knob on the drunk dial from amusing to stupid. A question to profession Chinese Poker players out there… do you play with “bonus points” for big hands like straight flushes, full house in the second hand, trips up top? I must know the answers, as this addicting game has overtaken our usual euchre bitch-fest.

The golf, South Padre Beach, the girls mistaking a roadside strip club for a Don Pablo’s restaurant (yet ignored our pleas to go in and “make sure”) went by too quickly as all good vacations do and I think we found a yearly thaw that doesn’t hurt the wallet as much as Vegas, lets you enjoy the company of your friends, and doesn’t send you back with some monkey rotavirus.

As long as you don’t drink the water and stick to the beer of course.

On a side note... Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe (thanks to Bayne). I'll need to use this picture sparingly, in case she decides to return to hitting a mound of Columbian powder like a Trekkie seeing Captain James T. Kirk at a Wal-Mart grand opening promotion.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Beer Still Taste Better Then Water

I see no one turned up the heat here in the arctic circle while I was gone. Is it too much to ask for a temperature that doesn't rival the icy stare from the father of your high school date after telling him that a strip club might be on the agenda since its amateur night and you need cash to get into bondage a go-go night at the local bar?

I agologize to people if I drunk dialed while in Mexico. Six dollars for a round of drinks = very wasted Drizz

There's a post coming about the trip but there seems to be a spreadsheet replica of The Leaning Tower of Pisa on my desk that requires my attention.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

More Then One Way To Say "I Love You"

Why must they have the ladies bathroom on the left on the first floor, then magically switch it to the right side on the second floor?

Don't they know there's idiots like myself that will blindly walk in without checking the helpful stick person sign?

Hope the ladies enjoyed the awesome Mongolian stir fry I had last night.

Happy Valentines Day to all, even if you're not celebrating it with someone, be sure to make use of that peppermint lotion and half handle of booze tonight its a lead pipe lock way to get lucky and a hell of a lot cheaper then a dozen roses and five course meal at some hard to pronounce snooty restaurant that will give you a $354.56 belly full of gas and make anal sex rather uncomfortable.

Enjoy the twenty-five cent box of candy hearts instead.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Adios Bad Beats

What do Drizz and the Kentucky Wildcats have in common this morning?


At least ESPN was kind enough to show a pouty Ashley Judd before Vandy drained another three pointer and they walked off with their worse SEC loss ever. Sorry G-Rob, we're keeping Tubby at The Barn for awhile.

Anyhow, I'm off to Texas and Mexico for the weekend and since poker has decided I'm not worthy, no Mookie tonight. If any post tomorrow, there will be nothing but Guitar Hero III recaps on this page.

Stop quivering in your cube in anticipation (I'm half-way thru Hard level).

I hope to dial-a-shot a few folks from the back alleys of Nuevo Progresso with a shot of Patron at the ready.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Brick Wall (part 2)

... (continued from previous post here)

Held by his mother, he waved good bye to the mirrors that reflected his face with bright, sleepy eyes and warm expressions that wished for him to return as soon as possible. Back then of course, it was just his mom from the same window waving as the extrovert being forced into a shell would negotiate the two foot high drifts of snow to go skate alone at the school’s ice rinks.

Wearing sweatpants that proudly displayed his club affiliation in bright orange letters; he didn’t mind the difficult snow-packed run with skates on, up to the oval shaped rooms of comfort. Out here there were no taunts, no stares, and no memories. Just ice, a puck, a net, and the sound of the three colliding with frequency with every slap shot. Coaches deemed him un-coachable due to his disabilities, unwilling to bend their rigid teachings and allow the child to grow as a player, possibly as a person. Another crack from the orange and black Sherwood stick making the ice fizzle like the top of a newly opened Coke released inner anger with every shot.

Those demons of being abandoned by those who didn’t bear his last name would haunt him for the balance of his lifetime. Always needing a release, never fully trusting. One more hard eight figure around the offensive’s zone circles, one more outlet pass to a phantom teammate, one more until he could slump against the warming house brick wall in exhaustion. The high school aged rink attendants knew him by name because they’d have to actually leave their Algebra homework and space heater behind the metal grated windows to get the kid to come inside when it was time to shut down for the evening.

A darkness settled across the rinks as the return home was blinded by a dark blue and black hue across the park he previously crossed. Outlines of that sanctuary of comfort were straight ahead, while quick, disapproving glances were shot at the school building to his right. How he wanted to stay out and feel the cold air rush sideways against his face with every sudden stop and redirection. A few more minutes of feeling whole.

Instead tomorrow would bring more of the same, sitting with his back to that brick wall feeling sorry for himself.

Monday, February 11, 2008

I Paid $300 For a Full Tilt Stress Ball

Current temperature in Maple Grove, MN -6 with a wind chill around -21 (definitely not as cold as International Falls, MN clocking in at a ball shrinking -37 degrees)

Temperature in McAllen, TX on Thursday where I'll be half way through a handle of Captain two hours after hitting the ground around 80 degrees.

So sick of winter.

So sick of watching the draw outs, and the mind numbing of multi-tabling after building up a nice win throughout the weekend and watching it crumble because I wanted to ride the heater.

The only thing I want cold this weekend are the beers in the back alleys of Progresso, Mexico. No more trying to wait out the bad player at the table, no more staying to try to get even, no more frozen feet because the temp in the porch is better suited for an ice arena. Just sunburnt skin, hitting golf balls badly, generously poured drinks, and whatever else people do in southern Texas.

Internet poker machine. Off for the week, except for when its on. :)

Friday, February 08, 2008

One Bodog, One Riverchaser, One Beer

Chopped a win at the small Riverchasers tourney last night.

Remembered why I stay away from Stud Hi tourneys.

Was down $200 after 15 minutes of play last night, lost with some runner runner beat in the daily double at the same time, ranted like Sam Kinison in a line to get on a Walt Disney World ride then settled down to win a little at the PL/NLO8 games and near a buy in at the Riverchasers.

But, poker still sucks of course until I have the cash to hit up Vegas in March.

Enjoy the weekend folks, I'll be on to do my duty of supplying badly spelled drunken quips on the girly IM machines.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Tonight's the Night

Nice run by Sexually confused Guitar Hero god on a heater at the FTOPS event #1 last night. Drunk poker > Sober poker

As the Bracelet would say "Keep min-raising those aces" and "Don't bet on the Lakers -4". I didn't take either advice and lost on both accounts last night. Somewhere outside of rehab, Britney is crying because of my aces being cracked. I'll console her with a Care Bear and a deluxe jellied couples pack from the Love Doctor.

Since Speaker's run left me with a couple of hours of sleep I will leave you with this wisdom:

If you're going to eat a powdered donut ball prior to a meeting, bite slowly, and make sure at least half of powdered sugar hits your black slacks. Bonus points if you attempt to wildly wipe it off and end up with a stain that looks like you just got head from a circus clown.

Enjoy your status meetings this morning.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Fresh Start Begins With a Vote

A story like this former film hottie getting a DUI would line up front page headlines.

Instead if you read the morning paper in just about any "Super Tuesday" state you'll see that Americans went out in record numbers to vote for their presidential canadiate.

Minnesota was no different. I like parts of each of the canadiates stances but since I don't have a party affiliation, I wasn't able to vote (Peaker was happy to explain why). Driving by one of the caucus voting areas last night and the school was packed like they were giving away Kirby Puckett bobblehead dolls.

Label me proud to be an American for the first time in a while. People aren't liking the current direction the country is going and are doing the one thing they know they can control. They get to vote.

By the way, I chose Ribeye. And to the discussion in the comments area of Otis' great live blogging this quote...

The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.

-- Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French Philosopher

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Sunny Side Up

The walk to the shower doesn’t take a Herculean effort in the morning. The wind is cold, icy, but doesn’t sting as much. A pride is taken once again as numbers are crunched and spat out onto a blank spreadsheet. Two pairs of innocent eyes peer over the top of the Internet Explorer window waiting until I come home, as I count down the hours to see them again.

Two years ago, just lifting the sheets off the bed took an effort. Now, I’m scanning colleges looking for ways to get back to the student body and grab that piece of paper. What happen? This space on the internets for one. A place to come, pour a little of myself into pixels and subject readers to badly phrased metaphors. Read about other people’s chest thumping brags and let’s-do-shots-till-we-puke struggles. Find people with like-minded degeneracy and a way with words or pictures of the female form in various stages of undress.

There’s porn on these internets (NSFW and thanks to Wicked Chops for the Brandi gift that just keeps giving, like Keeley Hazel’s breasts)? Yes, yes there is.

Poker hasn’t been the greatest lately with a current downswing, but its fun lose myself into a series of wrap draws and multi-tabling goodness again. Looking for the big poker score, without dreaming of it or becoming disappointed when that two-outer hits against you. Wanting to enjoy life, without hoping there’s more. Glancing at the giant company logo lit up in the pre-dawn morning sky before stepping across a sea of ice, slush, and black snow and thanking them for the paycheck and chance to make a small difference versus dreading the deluxe Roget’s of buzz words you’ll get hit with while learning about “company vision”.

Happy? Sure.

It’s a rocky climb when someone has been down as long as me. The sharp edges with every foothold can tear through those steel-toed boots like butter sitting on a stack of pancakes along side a carefully crafted Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast. Will the rope hold? Are the clips strong enough?

If I knew, life wouldn’t be much fun now would it? Live the day, enjoy the dawn of the future, and stop chasing inside straight draws because it really pisses me off when you get there against my flopped set you donkey.

Tonight check out the newly ramped up Bodog tourney. WSOP package? Sexy, much like the video vixens that peddle the product on the Bodoglife website. Check out Smokkee’s site for the details on the newest blogger challenge (there's a separate register screen for the series so make sure you hit that up first).

Edit: If you're remotely politco and care about who's going to be president for the next four years, I suggest joining the zoo at Otis' corner of the internet as he live blogs the Super Tuesday/Fat Tuesday going ons. No word on nudity for beads though. Vote Ribeye! Its a bone above the rest (ok, that was horrible, I'll do better later)!

Monday, February 04, 2008

I Heart Coolers

Bill Bellichick was found at Waffle's house early this morning crying WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYY!!!

My Bodog account however thanks you, my only regret was not betting the Giants straight up.

Puppy Bowl > Super Bowl Commericials > Super Bowl until the last two minutes. I didn't see the Madonna/Five seconds for $10 million commerical was she worth the one pump and done?

At least my buddy's wife whipped up some mean Swedish meatballs and put out a spread that my stomach appreciated at the Super Bowl party.

Football is dead until next season (Pro Bowl is a poor excuse is an exhibition game that needs to die in favor of a skills competition) leaving the next six months void of Sunday gambling disappointments. I'd rather see them have a Superstars competition versus play flag football in hula skirts for 60 minutes.

Question to those who are still braving the online poker world...

Are you seeing more table coaches?

Usually, among the four tables I'm playing there will be one that pipes up after some off-the-book play occurs, for the past few months its almost every table and I'm fairly close to shutting down the chat box which is usually a gold mine of comedy.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Falling Using a Washcloth as a Parachute

Right now I feel like Johan Santana's popularity in Minnesota. Beat up and confused on what to think. A raised middle finger to the Mets for the steal.

4 tourneys last night, all close to the cash, all bombed by less then preferable means.

Is anyone going to watch Minnesota grown Brock Lesnar show that fake wrestlers can fight in the UFC? If my dinner date with the wife doesn't include a nightcap, I'll be catching the fight with a friend to see if he can incorporate a flying clotheline of the turnbuckle into the octogon.

The dude is huge, should be fun regardless of the result.

If you want free money feel free to follow my continued plunge into penny games this weekend unless my Sklansky bucks decide its my turn to cash em in.