Monday, March 31, 2008

Spring Eternal


Who ever said it was Spring owes me a frostbitten toe and a fifth of Mad Dog 20/20. And the snow is continuing to fall.

At home with the kiddies today, just hopping on to say congrats to BigMike on the Big Game win!!

I'm sure flames are out there on his play, but fuck em' good luck in the TOC Mike!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Omaha Tip #27

No matter how hard you try, Q7 doesn't make a straight in Omaha, even if your BAC matches your age.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Slip N' Slide on Poo

"Daddy we packed your Cap'n Organ and beer just to make you proud of me"

- Wyatt before leaving for the waterpark

God bless kids.

Worth every tantrum, and milk spills the remainder of the time at the hotel/waterpark. Not the most relaxing way to spend time with the kiddies but a night filled with NCAA basketball while seated next to the Osseo Gymnastic squad parents and flexible high schoolers (class of 2012!!!!) made up for the potty training distasters we had before sliding down the same banana colored ramp for a few hours.

I caught some exciting news this weekend in the realm of poker which I hope to share in the near future, but lets just say this something I never dreamed of.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Lazy River Break

Aggression in poker is brilliant only if you don't have to turn over your cards :)

Thanks for making poker fun again that I can laugh at myself.

Off for the weekend for a mini-getaway at a hotel with a waterpark for the two tax deductions so no drunk poker for yours truly as I'm leaving all electronics at home except maybe my iPod to relax in the hot tub or lazy river. Good luck to those playing in the Riverchasers this evening, may your pairs be big, and your ill-timed bluffs suck out like a champ.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Young at Heart

To start your morning right, everyone loves a good hockey fight. Its even better when goalies get involved, but what if you're the son of a NHL net-minding legend? You end up on ESPN Sportscenter.

And one more radio ad with the “Canadian” sounding guy telling me how crisp and refreshing Kokanee beer is, will get cross check to the face with my massive Nordic forearm. Yes, Canadians say “hoser” and “eh” WE GET IT ALREADY. Do marketing people seriously find humor in what isn’t funny? Double dip-shit points for those who pay these people to infect my ear drums on a daily basis with these purid, flannel wrapped sound bites. Your executive dollars would be better spend chasing high priced call-girls around penthouse suites while having them call you He-Man to her She-Ra or flip the switch if you’re the women exec.

Betty’s post yesterday inspired me to take a look at my relationship. No, I won’t be hopping into bubble-filled hot tubs soon (despite owning one) and posting erotic stories as a married man of eight years who lives like middle-income suburban white trash, my sexual excitement comes from a free weekend of Cinemax. I'm trying to see the reason why me and my wife don’t connect at times. I am the child of the relationship. I want to be a Toys R’ Us kid. I want to be Peter Pan. I want the crust cut off my PB&J. And I don’t understand why she doesn’t want the same, and my pushing sometimes drives a wedge between us. Party in Malvern, PA? Book me a flight!! Stay up all night playing cards? Who’s holding the two bowers with the ace again (that's euchre for those who haven't had the pleasure of playing down at the VFW for quarters)!! Dial-a-shots? Handle sitting right next to me!!

People at work also wonder why I have a smile on my face most of the time at all hours of the day. My cat didn’t die, my car runs on all cylinders, and I have two legs that work pretty well despite some old hockey injuries that make it a little painful at times. The child in me of course goes into hiding when having to teach Wyatt that it’s not ok to break toys and hauling him up to Target with his Thomas the Tank Engine bank in hand to replace his sister’s toy.

Are my expectations too high that I want to have fun instead of worrying about how you’re going to feel Monday morning? I see someone fun inside of her, yet only get to see a glimpse of what used to be at times. Parenting is not easy, parenting wears down on a person with every thrown bit of pork chop/veggie/potatoes and argument about who had it first, but should it alter you so much that you lose your identity?

I ask myself constantly, am I the one who needs to grow up and fly away from Neverland to grow old, or is it too much to expect her to grow young again?

Just want to thank Bodog for dropping Josh Arieh and $100 into our series even if it was just for a brief while (I think I made the points last night after a brilliant play late with trash got me knocked out before the money). Mookie tonight for those Battle of the Blogger tournaments sadist who haven’t had enough of a beat down yet.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Drifting on the Calm Sea

Day 272 -

The coconuts, while good when I first got here, now have become an annoying regularity. Much like those frozen Chicken Kievs my mom used to buy in bulk which would turn me ill from the mere mention of the word now. I have befriended a softball that washed ashore and named him Mizuno because I always wanted an Asian friend. He is kind and listens as I ramble on about how I miss my kids and wife and all the free cheerleader up-skirt porn.

My pale skin is slowly getting used to the blistering heat but still shows the damage that extreme whiteness against harsh UV rays with the lack of SPF 120 can do. Will I ever find out what is down the hatch, I do not know. I hear people chanting in the deep jungle at night, yet they do not bother me. Probably because they hear me chanting bad beat stories in my sleep.

It is with great hope that the Professor and the Skipper will be able to return us home soon using giant conch shells and bat guano. My lust of bending over Mrs. Howell on a bed of moss grows by the day as I try to remain faithful to my wife of nearly eight years. And I'll drop my journal entry here as my return to civilization depends on realizing if there's an island at all, and how I willingly came here myself through my own mind after a mental breakdown caused by the evil RNG at Full Tilt and PokerStars.

Perhaps tonight I will cast the makeshift raft and sail back to reality, with dreams of a WSOP seat or enjoy yet another good night's sleep from not having to worry if I played those Jacks correctly near the bubble of the Blogger Skillz Series game or Bodoggie.


And if you're late to the party, go check out Al's site for yet another shot at a $2K seat just for bloggers!

EDIT: If you've recently received email from Full Tilt's security people, make sure you read Poker Gnome recent post about a scam that is going on.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Squirrels on Midol

It didn't happen. Lost my last buy-in to a fun group of bloggers.

Poker is done for this week and possibly for a good length of time, except I might pop in on the Bodoggie a few times ( this week with Josh Arieh and $100 bounty on his head!) and one or two Battle of the Blogger tourneys.

A torrid stretch that has left me with online scraps that have really hurt my time at home and the office.

I'm taking the game too seriously again and resign myself to chasing purple coins on Super Mario Galaxy at the request of a four year old, or flicking off Tom Morello every time he defeats me on Guitar Hero. Or my new/old found habit of falling asleep with a R.A. Salvatore novel like last night while watching UNC destroy the Razorbacks and watching my last place bracket in Pauly's pool continue to get worse (but I do have the most possible points should some miracle occur).

This weekend we went to stake our cabin lot out for the pending delivery of the new love shack and found a woodland creature transformed herself into a 3-inch wide drill bit and bore a good sized hole into our shed. I say herself because only a woman with PMS after seeing her Chip come home with the intoxicating aroma of baby powder and Jack Daniels with glitter on his crotch, could have worked up the anger neccessary to do this.

Next time I'd hope this lady-folk could find a different outlet for her temper as the clean up and repair will take up time normally reserved for dripping rum over ice cubes and Coke while double snunking my wife in a game of cribbage.

On the bright side of the ledger, we took the kids with us to the cabin for an easter egg hunt the park was putting on at 10:30am. Unfortunately, due to road conditions better suited for mid-December we arrived at 10:40am and got the same answer as someone trying to order an Egg McMuffin after the pre-determined time of switching from breakfast to lunch. Despite having only a few more teeth then your favorite National Hockey League thug, her kindness of dropping by our place about 15 minutes later with a Cub's Food marked bag full of plastic eggs that rattled with coins and chocolates put some faith back into me.

Thanks for dropping by, now hit up the Hoy tonight as the last week to get that first $2,000 seat to the WSOP is up for grabs.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Its Not Getting There...

... but it didn't suck either


At least it was in an event that I'm supposed to know something about.

Also cashed in the Daily Double and close in the 28K. Maybe my 52oz Cap'nCokes are lucky?

One Last Dance

I should have added "this month" to my short verbage of needing to quit, stemming from yet another head-on-brick-wall night.

After an extended losing streak two years ago, I thought I could weather through just about any losses or "beats", but after two months of the same shit every night I realized I'm just not strong enough to play through it. The final blow was similar to last week's Dookie when someone decided to play any four cards for a significant amount of chips and went runner runner to crack me. Then some comments of "BOOOOOOOOOOM" and "classic" were spewed in the chat which just salted the wound. Meaningless of course, classless maybe, but they couldn't know how badly I've been kicked around, and they shouldn't even care. Having fun should be why you play unless your mortgage depends on it, and right now I'm not having that fun.

I suppose I could let the venom shoot on this page about the non-textbook play but there's no up side to it, people were just having fun at my expense, its happened my whole life I just deal with it and move on to the next TPS report. But to watch people win in such a manner over and over takes the fun away, the competition, the reason I play in the first place. So congrats to whoever that was last night, and thank you for opening my eyes to what poker really is.

Timing and luck.

I give myself more lottery tickets getting my money in "ahead" more often then not as analogy by Doyle was said a couple of years ago, but without some good timing and luck your bankroll will tank just like mine has, almost to the point where cashing out entirely (which is not that much anymore) and walking away have started to creep into my thoughts. If you don't believe poker is timing and luck then I seriously implore you to look into your game. Granted you can make "great reads" and "level 15 type plays" after pouring over PokerTracker stats, 2+2 and PocketFive posts, pay-for-coaching poker videos, game theory tomes, and the countless poker books out there, but if your read is entirely off you can end up looking no better then a penny game pro that watched Bill Fillmaff videos for expert poker play (he does rock).

Timing is everything.

If I can't be funny during the day at work or while flipping Kyra over my shoulder, there's something seriously fucked up and like I mentioned yesterday if the black cloud slithered into my personal life, I'd quit for awhile.

Tonight will be my last test. Thursday night has always been my "fun" night of poker with plenty of girly chat, freeflowing drinks and non-"serious" poker. Should my Full Tilt bankroll dip below a pre-set amount, then I'll be hanging it up for the balance of the month and start again fresh in April playing at lower limits which is going to take some serious ego suppressing as I've never gone backwards in limits in nearly four years.

Edit: Just found this. Minnesota's second card club, Running Aces Harness Park, is finally going live!!! Hopefully the online poker gods leave me enough scraps to visit on opening day April 11th.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Tagged at 10,000 Feet

Since I do not wish to invoke the wraith of a certain A-lister, no poker talk other then the two blogger tourneys last night went as expected.

I’ve been meme’d, tagged, branded, and dragged across a box of broken Coke bottles and hot coals to write about 7 random facts about myself from he-who-climbs-tall-things. I used to climb tall things as well, but that was in college and I’m sure she smelt better then a crew of mountain climbers at 10,000 feet.

Ok, seven facts about me:

1) My wedding party consisted of four out of the six women I’ve seen in various stages of undress and not in the passing-by-a-dressing-room type way either. My sister is not included in the three (that were not wearing the white wedding gown) you pervert, and I remain friends with all of them, even my wife!

2) I once got so drunk in Vegas at the Imperial Palace I end up in a wheelcha… oh wait you’ve heard that one. One night while in Myrtle Beach, SC I took aim at a boxing video game in the boardwalk arcade, and knocked it so hard I set a record and won some stuffled animal (not bad for a 120 pound waif like me). Unknowingly, I fractured my hand which meant sitting out the remainder of the baseball season as the #1 starting pitcher and batting 3rd for my state tourney bound Senior Babe Ruth team. Since my father was none too happy he wouldn’t let me get it set in a cast for two weeks, in which I attended a Stone Temple Pilots/Flaming Lips outdoor concert complete with mosh pit (that hurt). It tickled a little bit when the doctor had to “reset” it (rebreaking it in two places) because it was trying to heal by the time I was allowed to go in.

3) While going to Edgefest, a concert series put on by a Minnesota radio station, across the border in Wisconsin for reasons unknown to the author as I don't claim to be an expert on all things musical. I mistook a bend of the highway the wrong way on the backward-ass backroads of Wisconsin (no, I was not drinking at the time) and sent my pimpin' white Mazda 626DX Dukes of Hazard style over a hill complete with that VAAROOOOOOM noise (yes, a car does make that noise when jumping its not a soundtrack) narrowly missing large metal stakes and flying Coke cans and speaker covers from the trunk that would totaled the car and people inside. I did receive a standing ovation from four cars whom went down the side of the hill “the correct way” and when we got to Float-Rite park I promptly downed enough gin and juice to pass out on the roof top since the line didn’t allow us into the park that night and met up my future wife the next morning.

4) I am ambidextrous. Ya hear that ladies? Get your peppermint lotion bottles lined up.

5) Being geekish, while in high school and middle school, I won awards at Accounting and Math competitions. But, if you were to ask me to find “X” in some long ass equation, I’d probably blink then give you the same thousand mile stare you got back from that impossibly hot Jennifer Aniston look-a-like trying to ask her to the prom (who’s naked sitting cross-legged picture fashioned my wall for years*).

6) Between my three siblings we have received three speeding tickets in our life. All three of them have been while bringing my mother on a casino trip. Running good, runs in the family.

7) I once went on a 48-hour casino bender (three dollah blackjack and quarter bets on plastic race horses is ballin! HOLLA!) it went so long that I had to go straight from the casino to college to take a Business Ethics final exam that made up half of my grade. Failing would have taken away my college funding. I got a B+ despite studying in the car, while driving on snow-slicked roads. Maybe I do run good!

I'll stop it here. But if those with far more exciting lives wish to contribute please do so.

* Anyone with awesome Google-skillz find the picture??

Edit: Mookie wins at the internets again. Although Otis found one I didn't know existed and will have to explore further at home.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Big Ginger Delights


Much more cute then listening to my seemingly endless droning about bad cards coming out.
Thanks to Rama and my brother for a great night in mists of downtown Minneapolis. The Local was packed to the gills but thanks to my brother and some VIP seating above the joint with Cities97, I was able to enjoy some great bar grub (a tad on the pricey side) and a couple of Big Gingers without getting slobbered on by some Hurley from "Lost" looking wanna-be Irish douchebag with a "Fuck me I'm Irish" shirt and topped off with crocheted Erin Go Braugh doily on his head.
Then with my expert downtown navagation system complete with text messages to Rama and asking for directions from the hottest girls in the line outside The Local, I made way to Rock Bottom Brewery for much cheaper bar fare at a very nice locale. The micro-brewed stout was top notch, and with a chatty barkeep that had just the right amount of gab, made for a pleasant evening. Note to self: Make money at Gentile Summit playing Rama at bar video games.
I tried Pauly's suggestion of upping my positive karma by sliding a homeless woman a dollar on the way back to my car, but was greeted by yet another beat no more then 10 minutes after I fired up a couple of tables to check on who was still left in The Hoy. Variance, please end soon, while I enjoy the wake up call that my "game" is not all that plus a bag of chips, the dark cloud is starting to leak into family/work life and once that happens I'll make the surest bet of all.
Not playing at all.
But, I will be firing up the Bodoggie (8:05CST at and BBT3 Event Blogger Skillz Game (8:30CST at Full Tilt) tonight because I'm a lemur and most of all, I'd like to return to the WSOP this year.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Erin Go Splat

Even in a drunken haze, I should have known better to post about having a winning session as I managed to win Sunday morning and lose all my profit then post a nice sized loss from this weekend plus blow a fuse.

At least I'll be able to donate a little more to healthy boobs at Al's site due to a little SnG challenge we gave each other. At least its a better cause then the way I've been attempting to play poker.

I blame me, myself, and that little voice in my head that told me it was a good idea to come back to the tables and ride the hot streak versus getting badly needed sleep. Any chance for a do-over?

On a bright note... I will be down at The Local with my brother and hopefully a fellow bi-annually posting poker blogger having a Big Ginger or two before the St. Patty's parade on Nicollet. But, since this is Minnesota, how about a half foot of snow for the festivities! Might have cut my Erin Go Braughing time in favor for getting home in one piece.

Take advantage of the drunk buses if you're going out tonight.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Breakfast Tips #521

No, that wasn't peanut butter left on your finger after eating your english muffin/sausage sandwich.

Parenthood is rough, look-a-like peanut butter is rougher. I think I'll go down the rest of my handle of Captain Morgan now.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Winning Is Funner Then Losing

I may be a drunk donk up at unknown hours but would like to acknowledge the fight Mr. Dank put into his heads up battle for a TOC seat tonight. Why I'm playing PLO8 on Bodog after grinding the Full Tilt games is fully the Cap'mn working.

Drunken Drizz thoughts:

Why do women claim to want sex then shy away once the opportunity arises?

If you know you're ahead do you push anyway despite holding a healthy stack?

Choice between sex on the beach and getting a blow job while driving which do you chose?

If you can figure out why I'm up at this hour please tell me because Sportcenter is sucking the fun out of these horrible online games.

When is it my turn? Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a damn, I'm having too much fun living again despite my daughter stripping and pissing on her bed for no reason in the middle of the night.

Am I a Fun Bobby from "Friends"? Naw, but its easier while hiding under the Cap'n. Seriously, would you drop by for a bonfire at my place and a couple of beers/drinks if no poker was played and I forced you to listen to my horrible attempts to pass on a song on Hard on Guitar Hero?

Bobby Knight is great even while not threatening college student-athletes with the blunt edge of a chair.

OMG the Gophers only won by 3 tonight? Tubby needs to man up for the Hilljackers.

Calling with trips in Omaha, not a +EV move but fits my mood at the moment.

If I have more money at a $50 table then a $100 table is that bad?

Should my wife look down at me if I like sex more then her? How do I let her know?

Run to the hillllllllllllllllllls. Run to the hillllllllllllllllllls. God bless Iron Maiden, and pity to that kid in StB's story that didn't know them.

If you're tall and tell people you suck at basketball, should they believe you? If you saw my jump shot you'd be amazed.

Is it ok to enjoy golf and sex and be utterly confuzzled about both?

Is it ok to like big butts and deny the other brothers?

Will you still love me tomorrow?

I may have pissed this guy off, but do I care?

BIG NEWS!!!!!1111: My Guitar Hero friends number is: 524100729989

If you have Wi-Fi hooked up to your Wii, prepare for shreddage MinnesOOOOOOOOOOOtan style. Ok, I suck but at least I can get away with saying UBetcha with a straight face.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Scott Fischman Gambit

I’m a proponent of the “its your money, do what your want” with it. Wanna buy some drugs, have at it and enjoy the trip. Going to purchase a Jenna Jameson three holed, life like sex doll complete with special ass grease for those tight spots, rock her world with those 3.5 inches. Enter a poker tournament and don’t take it seriously, its only money and glad you had your entertainment.

Last night I got bumped from both the Mookie and Dookie by people who had no regards for the entry fee or the outcome. Seeing the ways my cards have been shot down with the consistency of someone playing Duck Hunt with the gun against the TV screen complete with that damn beagle dog laughing at you, it might have been the beginning of the end of trying to play these tourneys. But I’ve looked beyond “why the fuck didn’t I win” and more towards “I made the correct play, it didn’t work out”. If you ever want to take this game seriously you need to get there and not even allow yourself to wing your Full Tilt store bought headphones across the porch because someone though it was funny to play any two/four cards.

I still have a problem with a bad initial reaction, but I was able to finish up a slightly profitable night by not tilting off money at the cash games after reattaching the ears to the base of the headphones. Of course if my favorites would have come in, as my side of the coin was weighted in my favor, this post would be an afterthought and those players could go back to their regular games.

The BBT3 is offering too much to ignore, so onward I trudge through the next 40+ events looking for a shot at the Rio and WSOP again this summer.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Why Kids Rule #1453

Driving down 494 towards Ridgedale mall to go see the Easter Bunny and overpay for a snap shot of the little ones with said holiday rabbit.

A sudden log jam of cars ahead caused my pimpin' fire red minivan to slow to crawl and my wife asked "Can you see what's on the side of the road up ahead?"

I told her I could not.

Wyatt, who was auditioning for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy, said deadpan:

"Are you blind??? There's snow and mud on the side the road". Then promptly returned to the Batman counting game on his Leapfrog with nary a snicker on his face.

If you ever want straight advice on anything from how fat your ass looks in that dress to the best way to get laid this evening. Ask your kid.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Sitting Frozen at the Plate

I don't know what's sicker. Watching my online poker account balances dwindel like a quarter pound bag of weed in an Amsterdam smoke house.

Or this curveball.

There's nothing really to say except each turn I take there's a cooler or "beat" that just pops up and I try to move on to the next hand. Last night I treaded water in the Hoy thanks to busting a short stack with Aces and a sprinkling of steals despite no other pairs. Half way thru the second hour, moved to a new table got my second pocket pair (TT), got re-popped pushed and ran into queens. I didn't even know nor cared who had it because my attitude towards the game right now is one of a husband suspecting his wife is cheating on him. Every situation has a hint of paranoia laced with a flat Natty Ice beer and finding a g-string in your wife's lingerie drawer knowing she's never worn a pair before.

Playing scared when you don't want to know the answers sucks.

A true test of a poker player is one of getting thru the lows with a bankroll and sanity intact. I lost my sanity long time ago, money is a poor substitute but at least it keeps me high in Chuck E. Cheese tokens and double penetration lesbian fisting porn.

Tonight's tilt will be induced by the Blogger Skillz series with another chance at an Omaha shot. I know the mine fields are deep and suckouts plentiful so shrink-wrapping my laptop will be a must before firing up the tourney tonight. And a better shot at a WSOP seat, for me at least, is the Bodog Blogger tourney starting up at 8:05 CST. Far from secure, but I'd hope with another win in the next 11 weeks I'll be close to locking up one of those 18 seats in the TOC.

Monday, March 10, 2008 Review

Prior to the UIGEA being slammed down the throat of all United States online poker and casino players there was thousands of bonus dollars for the taking out there. Simply by moving funds from site to site and playing a certain amount of blackjack hands or any game you might find at a casino you could earn hundreds or even thousands of dollars.

Enter back into the mix. For those who missed the bonus chasing and slot play like myself it’s a great way to return to the online realm of roulette, craps, and baccarat.

Along with casinos, the site also looks in on the available USA-friendly Sportsbooks and online poker rooms (unfortunately it’s a little sparse as only and accept US players). But, that’s better then nothing as sign up bonuses are there for the taking usually after a play-through requirement has been met.

Along with listing all available sites they also do the grunt work of rating and reviewing each site like this one for Club USA casino:

Club USA offers new players a bonus of $250. Run by industry leaders this casino is very trustworthy with guranette fast payout's.
They have over 60 online casino games for slot and blackjack players to to pick from. Club USA has reasonable odds with a payout percentage of 98.3%.
Payout for all games: 98.50%
-24-hour Supper Support
-Crazy Fast pay outs
-Over 15 Slot games
-10+ Progressive Jackpot Slots
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* Licensed by CFG
* Nice Player Comps
* Reviewed by Price Water coopers

If you’re from the US and miss the online casino action, be sure to check out

This has been a paid advertisement.

Card Carrying Member of The Trailer Trash Coalition

For the first time in several years I can admit to worrying about having to move down in limits. Yet another weekend of black slush wiped across my screen as the tailspin towards busto doesn’t seem to have an end.

Since poker sucked all weekend and money is at an all-time low, why not go out and buy a $20,000 trailer? It seems like a level 21 move in Waffle’s Guide to a Maintaining a Poker Bankroll but the trailer is an investment that will pay off in smiles and good times versus watching yet another X number outer hit and end up getting mad at a computer screen which puts you on par with the jackhole that lays on his horn behind you in traffic because screaming through that barely yellow light on a 4-way intersection with a state trooper waiting to go across didn’t seem like a good idea.

Note to jackhole: You’d be better off tattooing “METH-ADDICTED HICK” on your forehead then displaying Calvin and Hobbs stickers pissing on NASCAR numbers and pigs doing it doggie style while dressed in Harley-Davidson gear on the back window of your F-150.

People suck.

From the fine people at Pleasureland RV who gave us a "great deal" (at least they were friendly and not pushy, offered free popcorn, passed on the Miss Trailer Trash 18 month swimsuit calendar) we got the below trailer at $6-$7K off the list price.

Drizz's new cabin digs.

Things that don't suck include the BBT3 starting back up tonight with the Hoy. Bring your token, leave your bad beats at the door because one more week of Aces getting cracked and I might just turn into one of those jaded folks that post hand histories and post about tinfoil-hat conspiracy theories that involve the Wright Brothers and the stuff that goes into the sausage patties at McDonald's.

Enjoy your Monday.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

One Day You're the Champ...

... the next day you're a bad beat story.

Lost a $100 playing PLO8 with no spectacular stories, immediately turned off all five tables and by the time my head hit the pillow I was de-tilted and dreaming of getting pulled over for a ticket by a busty cop, and was told she'd need to take me back to her place to search for illegal weapons.

Corny, and cue up the 70s porn music.

Since I don't want to talk poker for the rest of the week unless some vortex allows me to weave through the Riverchasers field, here's a video of The Rooster's sparring partner to get him ready for Gentile Summit '08.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Working In the Paint

Like Jason Kidd I did drive the lane last night but fell short of the double double when I failed pay attention to both tourneys last night. Playing heads up in the Bodoggie against a very tough player in Emptyman and a Stud tourney at the same time without an alcoholic beverage to calm the nerves was like the work-time drive this morning through the light snow. Slippin’ and slide along, as even hardened Minnesotans found their steering wheels and gas pedals to be operating like Waffles with a monster tournament chip lead.

Kurokitty made me pay the price in the Stud tourney when I got jiggy with a high door card and ran face first into his buried Aces, bottom money but I’ll take it after the flame outs in the first two BBT3 events.


The second half the double double was completed with a finger roll, as I got lucky winning some flips while down 5:1 in chips heads-up for some badly needed Bodog tournament of champions points. I figure with this win I’ll have an above-average shot at making the TOC at Bodog and hopefully not have to sweat out making it in for a 1 in 18 shot at their swag-tastic WSOP package. People may hate on bloggers for being bad players but the community is the reason why we’re reaping the rewards from these sites. Sure Full Tilt, PokerStars, and Bodog get free links/publicity, but I remember times when just pulling up and trying to sound like I knew something about the game or arranging words into metaphors for free was fun.


Blogging is still fun (notice I said “blogging” because I sure the hell wouldn’t call what I do “writing”), just now there’s some beer money on the side and a lot more faces in the crowd to call friends or retards for overplaying those split twos. Call your fellow blogger any name in the book if you please while trying to take their chips, but shake their hand and ask about their kids after the last two/four/seven cards go into the muck because I guarantee you, you’ll be better off both in friendship and at the tables.

This give-your-fellow-blogger-a-huggle-moment is sponsored by all those links on the right and the letter M which stands for the Mookie, this evening’s BBT3 tourney. Do I hear 100, 125, 150?


Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Looking Past Spring Training

Rather then focus on another crappy exit from a poker tournament, how about some football?

Timberwolves have become Boston Celtic's West with about half the team formerly donning the green and white that stood for futility in recent years until the Big Ticket cashed in his Mall of America monorail pass for Beantown. A different Minnesota sports team, my beloved Vikes, decide that they would like to stock up on ex-Chicago Bears wide receivers. Some how they let Mushin Muhammad scurry back to the Panthers, but managed to snag someone who might be the final puzzle piece the Vikes need to make Brett Farve go back to slamming Jim Beam and Vicodin.

Going from one team with a bad quarterback to another isn’t going to help Bernard Berrian, but at least the Vikes front office is showing signs that they want to win despite a crappy stadium that won’t be upgraded for awhile due to the bridge repair plus the Twinkies new place that will hopefully have Liriano throwing the first 97mph heater in 2010.

Solid defense (when Winfield is healthy) and solid running game (when Purple Jesus is not giving sight to the blind and feeding the hungry with loaves and fishes) was just missing any sort of passing attack last season. Now the Vikes have two legit deep ball threats (Sidney Rice doesn’t suck), and a rushing tandem that is only matched by the Cowboy’s one-two punch of Barber and Jones. It’s all on Jackson to get the ball to this hefty 4th-highest paid receiver price tag and spare my TV from getting pelted by stress balls from online poker rooms every fall/winter Sunday.

In other news, poker still sucks. But the BBT3 doesn’t suck, so make sure you’re there tonight at the Blogger Skillz game for the next installment.

Edit: Farve retires? Heard it on the radio via a Jay Glazer report... anyone confirm this?

Monday, March 03, 2008

Just Get It Over With

I calmed my chi. Centered. I was a feather floating upon an unrippled lake.

I wouldn't have minded going out of the first Battle of the Blogger Tournaments version Drei last night had the board just ran out with the better hand winning in normal fashion. But, to flop me the nut straight and have near perfect-perfect come out and lose to a higher straight just topped off the worst weekend I've had bankroll-wise since I started playing four years ago.

Poker rant come and gone, not worth it because there's 54 more tournaments in this beast and I'll need all the patience I have left despite my daughter's new trick of ripping off her PJ's and pissing in her bed after going down for a nap/sleep at night. Anyone sell Dora the Explorer bedding sets in bulk?

Hoy is tonight. My participation will hinge on the temperature of my green chai tea and if one Transformers story is enough to send the little ones off, so daddy can blow their college funds on two outers.

Edit (inside to a few degenerates): Who won the horse race? I see two of my horses finished pretty high...