Thursday, October 30, 2008

My Prediction is: Human

Love these people who are "willingly" giving up McDonald's Monopoly pieces for a share of the winnings if someone has a "rare" piece (are there people this dumb?) which carry the same odds of a car in downtown Phildelphia not catching fire or having a caved in roof from phinatics dancing on top of them tonight.

Congrats on being this year's World Champs, Phillies. You may be the losingest team in the history of baseball, but not tonight.

I see that this guy and this woman found some time to do this (not a Rick Roll or prOn link you perverts). Godspeed to you both, may the journey be filled with loving sighs and quiet snuggles in the rocking chair more often then the "again?!?! what #!#$!$@ time is it?!?!?!".

Being degenerate gamblers, shall we start up a betting pool on the sex?

Male: +120
Female: -150

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'm a Donkey... Just Not THAT Kind

You stay classy lawmakers:

An embattled Massachusetts state senator appeared in a federal courtroom today charged with taking $23,500 in bribes, including cash that she stuffed into her bra during a meeting at a tony Boston restaurant that was secretly videotaped by an undercover FBI agent, federal prosecutors said...

Link is complete with bra stuffing goodness! Gotta pay for littering lawns with those obscene VOTE FOR ANDERSEN FOR COUNTY ELM TREE LEAF AUDITOR signs and wonderful eardrum ripping negative campaign ads that run more often then asses at a Taco Bell after a rack of volcano tacos (they're hot!).

Further down article are possible perjury and tax-evasion charges added on to this state Senator in 15th year of bringing community service home with an apple pie baked with a dash of bribery.

The message is the same as two years ago, throw em' out, put in someone new. Does it solve much? Or do people take the same strawman stance as those businesses getting the shakedown from mob associates named Vinnie the Snake and his steel asp pressuring you for protection money? National revolution will never happen because people like their iPods, SUVs, and $100 pedicures done by over worked Vietnamese women donning face mask in a locally convenient place but gradual change can happen with your town. A vote for Obama or McCain may go up against tens of millions but a vote for a mayor would be heard much more intimately.

While I'm far removed from taking a political side, personally I have read up on what the canadiates stand for and will be voting accordingly as more "die-hard" Republicans and Democrat are doing.

That is change. Perhaps a small bright spot under the old Victoria's Secrets microflex bras being stuffed with bricks instead of boobs.

In poker news: Please turn off my year-long doom switch. Thanks.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Questioning Your Faith

Lately the three year old in me has come out with endless questions about the grass being green, sky being blue, and why people feel the need to race their motorized vehicles with the vigor of a Nascar driver when the white flag comes out towards the row of fiery-red brake lights and stop close enough for car spooning?

Why won’t presidential candidates shut the fuck up and stop waffling my vote (Today, Obama gets it)?

Why must people insist on walking thru life like an ostrich and hope someone else gets the work done?

Why does a bag of popcorn cost $.99 everywhere else except the movies?

Why does the flu strike in the fall but not the summer?

Why is watching a Baywatch-esqe chest bounce fascinating, while watching a beer gut swish revolting?

Why don’t my kids behave like that all the time?

Why do I constantly hurt, yet feel happy?

Why does this site (thanks to Waffles) bring me back to the days of just above minimum wage while donning the red and khaki? Had many-a-days like the story below:

(At the clothing store where I work, I’ve spent hours folding and sizing jeans into a wall display. A customer comes up starts to look for her size.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you today? My name is ***. Can I help you find the size or style of jeans you are looking for today?”

Customer: “No, I’m just looking… thanks.”

Me: “Alright. Well, you just let me know if you need any help.”

(As I go back to folding jeans, she pulls out a pile I’ve already fixed, proceeds to destroy it and shoves it back in the wall.)

Me: “Are you sure I can’t help you find what you are looking for?”

Customer: “Nah, I’m alright.”

(She destroys pile number #2.)

Me: *wincing* “I might be able to help you find the size you are looking for a little faster…”
Customer: “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

(She destroys pile number #3.)

Me: “Ma’am, please let me help you since I know where everything is.”

Customer: “I said I was okay! Don’t you people have better things to do than bug your shoppers?! I don’t need your help!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m going to help you anyway. I’ve spent nearly six hours refolding and fixing this wall because customers like you come in and ruin it with no regard to the people who have to clean up your mess. Since we size things with the smallest size at the top and the largest size at the bottom, I suggest that you look somewhere near the bottom pile for your jeans!”

Customer: *jaw drops* “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!”

Me: “No, I’m implying it.”
Customer: “WELL I NEVER!” *storms out*

(I got written up, but it was totally worth it!)

Why do people insist on others acting morally right when it’s an individual’s sense of morality that deems you morally correct?

Why do people insist you should go to church to find God and that he needs $10 million for a new rec center addition to the compound so kids can learn the apostles’ names while hitting jump shots?

Why do the wrong things come out of my mouth?

Why should BadBlood come to Vegas? One word: Rematch Two words: Pai Gow

Why do women expect men to have sexual ESP?

Why do I enjoy writing despite having zero book sense of the English language and all its grammatically difficult rules while leaving out words every other sentence?

Why did my child do that here but not there?

Why isn’t it December already (congrats to Pablo and Gracie!)?

Monday, October 27, 2008

Ding! You've Been Facebook'd

Steven Segal prior to blimping out into some stay puff kung fu master with a komodo on, kicked ass with great lines such as “the first one thought he invincible, the other thought he could fly… they were both wrong”. There’s scene in the movie below (with awesome subtitles!) where a top secret password is held by two ranked officers trying to get it on while on this train, the crazy terrorist guy has to type in the password on two keyboards simultaneously to gain control over the super-cool satellite that causes earthquakes and blows things up while looking like an overgrown Lite-Bright floated above earth.

While I was not pressured to follow through on global destruction, last night after the Battle of the Planets finished up I saw that both the Sunday Warm-up and Turbo Takedown were winding down at the same time. Using a high stepping shuffling technique seen by defending basketball players, I moved back and forth until the two tourneys finished up and still got to dream about my three-way with Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Biel inside my penthouse suite at the Imperial Palace at a decent hour (ok, dreaming about Vegas in December already may have seeped in). The Turbo Takedown deserves a note as there was deal that the railboys and girls had a hey-day over as it seemed that only one of final three had ever made a deal before, and to be nice, they got screwed over big time because the chip leader managed to give himself a shot at MORE THEN first place money with the chop. Check out that deal in the write ups linked above.

Bonus money may be the sweetest money (copywrite Joe Speaker), but money from cheeseheads and stinkin Badger fans makes me giggle like seeing illicit boobies while through the movie channels. Gophers hockey, I have a man-crush on you. But, am saddened by the news of a huge Gophers hockey fan and Gophers hockey TV analyst losing his job as my favorite radio team was split up on Friday when Jeff Dubay’s recent drug arrest turned the P.A. and Dubay show into The Paul Allen show. Rube Nation is lost without you.

Speaking of Rube Nation, how pissed off are they about our apparently juiced up Pro Bowlers? Nice job guys, even 100% Cheese Free is probably in discontent about this team.

A question for whoever got me to start up my Facebook page… you now have sucked in a vortex of people from Minnesota into this endless pool of quizzes, addicting add-ons, and pokes. Speaking of pokes… how many pokes or the wondrously fabulous SUPERPOKE! do you need to receive from the wife (not to be confused with The Wife who sadly still roots for those limpburger cheeseheads to the east of the Twin Cities) before you cash them in for 15 seconds of fun in the sack?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Chip To My Lou

If my parents went off to Vegas while I was awkwardly mastering Calculus in my ripped Umbro shorts and learning to speak to a girl’s face and not her chest (ask Waffles, its tougher then it looks!), they would bring me back two things:

- A parlay card from the sportsbook of the hotel they stayed at.

- And a blackjack chip from the casino floor.

The rounded mounds of clay were collected over the years, so when I became of age to lose my $8.75/hour job worth of gambling funds at the Frontier, Riveria, and Circus Circus, a $1 chip was going into my duffel bag for the ride home. Now those chips are displayed in the basement of my house all colorful and in various denominations according to if the dice or cards were hot at the time of collection.

Recently the first name in Poker Chips, Nevada Jacks, ask me to drop by their site to check out their wares as I’ve been searching for a decent set to go with my new-ish poker table. Being a chip collector the first part of the site I was interested in was their collection of Real Casino Poker Chips of various parts of the globe like the Ukraine, Aruba, and Puerto Rico. Personally, I love the metal in-lay chips and may have snag a few of these of my collection.

Next up was the famous Custom Poker Chips built to upgrade your home game from that set mom and dad thought you wanted at Christmas time last year. Color me amazed that the production time to crank out your new bank is only two weeks! As I’ve seen their product in action (and luckily some of those chips came in my direction), I can attest to the superior quality of their work.

If you’re in the market for a new poker chip set that will make your friends step and notice, head over to Nevada Jacks and have their customer service folks take care of minting your potential new home game bankroll.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Wandering in the Snow Drifts

You know its coming, yet still seemed surprised when the first snow flurries drop on the windshield. Why drop your head on something only the nightly weatherman/woman can control with their state-of-the-art Doppler radar and $4.6 million computer program that spits out pretty blobs of colors for the masses at 5, 6, and 10pm?

Bad things happen; the downtrodden reaction to those snow flurries, seemingly endless cries to not eat that pot roast, and bad river cards that cause $800 laptops to be used as expensive Frisbees and the reaction to those things is how the outlook on life comes about. Do I put on the stern parent mask and rapid fire a bunch of inane threats of jail time in the Transformers plastered bed or resign to the fact that the kid didn’t sleep much since our jobs require him to wake up when its still dark and is acting out from lack of dreamland? Which way satisfies both of us? Should I consult Parenting magazine’s feature on 15 ways to approve parent-child relations or a MBA management book from an author with more initials than I have letters in my name full of buzz words like “bubble up”, “best practices”, and “going forward” with a double viewing of Office Space?

Often the train is coming down the track yet time after time I pick to stand in front of it the same way. The mind says “dude, chill the fuck out”, while the parent says “HE/SHE NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON!!!!111ONEONEONE”. There’s no conscious expectation for the kids to act like perfect robots that eat their veggies, sit down when told, and crank out a new US patent every day so we can get extra tokens at Chuck E. Cheese to get the 200 tickets fifty cent neon green colored koosh ball that last about two days before being regulated to the far corner of a toy box. Yet, I find myself getting upset over nothing earth shattering, they’re both healthy, wife is smiling more often, and I find myself staring at the pebbles making up the paved ground trying to solve the mystery of how IKEA’s low costing wares make a profit, and how I got to this point of gravel gazing with the pending snowflakes collect on my Members Only jacket while invading this northern state.

Is there a way to break the cycle of constant introspection and live-to-let-live? Or is it healthy to look at the mirror while gazing thru the icy blues into the person people meet-and-greet with daily over overpriced 20oz. logo’d coffee beans with added $.75 flavor shots or electronic means?

Then again, the story could have ended face down on a dirty floor of a faltering Las Vegas casino, and overpriced center of higher education, or a concert series campground and people wouldn’t have gotten to meet that person. Or gotten tips on how to run back for a fly ball without pulling a Jose Canseco and heading the ball English Premier League style over the fence.

Enduring the cold fingers thru a long winter is worth the few bright spots of friend’s smiles and family embraces which act as gloves that have been sitting next to the heated vent.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Everyone Should Wear Purple on Sundays

This song is addicting. Play at your own risk, hide your hetrosexuality if necessary (not that there's anything wrong with that).

And if you're going to play the lotto (I'm not talking about Pot Limit Omaha which is pissing me off to the point of picking up my g33k card and start playing Diablo II again) move to Virginia where 1 in 4 people managed to hit the top prize of $7,777 off a two dollar ticket.

For those not in the know, Bodog is returning for another tournament series. My participation will hinge on my daughter's ability to differentiate a toilet from the kitchen floor sometime soon.

You are invited to play in, post or forward this information.
The Bodog
Blogger Tournament is Back!
Start Time 9:05 pm ET.

You heard right, the rumors are true! The Bodog Blogger Tournament is

The Bodog Poker Blogger Tournament Series officially returns Tuesday
October 28th, 2008 with special guest bounty player, professional poker player
and author, Eric "Rizen" Lynch.
Bodog is proud to host it's second Poker
Blogger Tournament Series, where poker bloggers worldwide are gathering Tuesday
and Thursday nights in the Bodog Poker Room.

More details available at the official blogger series site at

Sign up for this tournament at

So what are YOU waiting for?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Suck and Resuck

Under things that suck:

I got a chain email stating my contract with was cancelled. No personal words, just a chain letter. Not sure how to feel about it since work vs. pay was tipped to just bring in traffic versus applauding free thought. Somewhat relived that there’s no more deadlines and can focus a little more on a writing gig I care about versus being nothing more then a poker flag boy at the huge internet parking lot. Still, a little miffed at not getting a direct word on the pink slip (but I'm sure the Google bombing of internet ads had something to do with it).
Under things that don't suck:

Pictures from our recent drive over to the 101 Market's corn maze in Otsego. The fun part came with finding the six markers within the maze to spell out a phrase for a weekly $500 drawing (which sadly I did not win).

Ah, yes! I left my sister behind sign number two

Your frugal attempts to make me smile have been noted

Who in this picture needs a beer?

Monday, October 20, 2008

Bier Ist Gut

If someone would have walked up to me yesterday before the Vikes game and said they would score 41 and LOSE, I may have shown the same shocked face as a 300 pound co-worker coming up to me at six a.m. to explain in graphic detail her 24 hour lesbian 3-way tryst in Rio De Janeiro with Lindsay Lohan and Rosie O’Donnell right down to the double edged dildos and midget cabana boys singing 80’s hair band love ballads in Portuguese.

There’s some pointing to be done but its not at the offense for once as Visanthe Shiancoe decided to chisel enough rounded Italian marble off his digits to make some nice catches. Berrian earned his paycheck once again, and Purple Jesus knocked out a home run. Watching the offense click for once gave new life to the Purple’s season yesterday, but the usually stone walled defense got picked here and there and everywhere by that horrible pass rush. Kyle Orton had enough time to play a game of Beer Pong and sing a Jack Daniel’s soaked version of “When You Were Young” almost the entire game before the Vikings front line could get within whispering distance to tell him his next shot is ready at the bar.

Only a true Rube would find a way to pin this loss on those two special teams plays by Gordon’s bad bounce and Kluwe’s submission to NFL films as the next fumbling-bumbling kicker to be repeated next to Garo Yepremian’s attempt to throw. Kluwe is no Bo Jackson as seen here.
We’ll see if this offense makes another appearance after the bye week while the defense finds its mojo again and doesn’t have to rely on quarterbacks that run into the entrance tunnel while dropping back to pass to win a game.

Oktoberfest at my place was a success. By success of course I saw the aftermath and must have been a good time as the fifty pound tree stump was still burning in the fire pit the next morning, three recycling bins full of German type beer bottles and girlish Mich Ultras. My friends knocked it out of the park with kielbasa soaked in apples, brown sugar, and garlic along with an assortment of meat gluttony and deserts that tickled the tongue when the eye sight got a little blurry. My hope they had a good time despite the lack of busty dirndl sporting ladies.

Its been awhile since I’ve gushed about the spawns, look for pictures tomorrow.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Hmmmm Hairballs

A note of advice to those attempting to get laid within the next month or so:

Being woken up by the cat puking on the edge of your bed can sour results of removing the panties of your loved one.

Have a great Friday.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Eye For an I

The Red Sox lose and 99% of the baseball loving public applauds. Except for Las Vegas sportsbooks who offered odds of 200-1 or more for the Rays to win the World Series. Anyone take a flyer on these guys while in Vegas for the NCAA tourney?

Roy Williams spent last night dancing on stars, strip club table tops, and probably took double J’s private jet as quickly as possible to the Lone Star State to join the Cowboys. Unfortunately for the Lions their future building block of finally having two first-round all-pro caliber wide receivers that don’t suck on the field at the same time was now given yet another 1st round draft pick to waste on the next over-rated pass catcher who had some great NFL Combine times and wonderlic scores that prove he went to Remedial Three-Sided Geometry and Basic Basket Weaving class more then once a week.

Did Matt Millen sneak back into his office?

Adam Jones. Overhyped, can’t hold his liquor, and has a temper control that rivals my two year old that was just told she can’t stay up to watch the Dora the Explorer double feature on Nick Jr. At least Pacman still has his eyesight unlike this unfortunate nudie club patron that no longer has a reason to go back after losing sight in both eyes due to two separate fights over three months at the same club. Maybe he should have tipped Clarissssa a little more before getting her 8 inch heel in the ocular area after getting drunk off three Odouls and calling her flat chested?

Now, that takes talent and poses the question: is there a reason for him to return to that (or any) strip club? Perhaps just to smell the stripper perfume or the lunch buffet and 2 for 1 happy hour specials? May his mother will just bring home a warm six-pack of Schmidt and a pack of Reds from now on versus causing anymore trouble at her workplace.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Hiding In My Helga Hat

Happy Turkey Day to those living north of the border! Not sure if the Canadian Thanksgiving fest consist of maple syrup soaked bacon, poutine, and Kokanee…

… actually that sounds much better then dried-out turkey and canned cranberry sauce from the dollar store. Hope they enjoy the day off the daily grind.

“Manny being Manny”. I propose the next sportscaster who speaks this abortion of a phrase to be subjected to being filled up to his/her neck with sand during high tide and having their face pierced by 20,000 acupuncture needles so it resembles a sheep Chia Pet while a dozen sleep deprived toddlers hopped up on Red Bull with diarrhea filled diapers sit in a circle around your bloated noggin holding two of those plastic shovels you find in a dollar beach play set at Target.

Call it the new age shock therapy.


As with the Twins, I’m a sports fan first, rabid local sports fan second. If any of the local talking heads radio or TV believe that the Vikings “earned” the last two victories and aren’t calling for a change in that putrid offensive product that struts on the field with the consistency of semi-melted jello, you should consider running for a political office instead of giving Purple Pride-filled sound bites. The defense is doing their job plus outscoring the offense on most nights as usual, but with Purple Jesus and a revived Bernard Berrian, the Vikes shouldn’t have to have some gonzo ref mis-call against the worst defense in the league to win by a beer league softball score of 12-10.

I could hear the disappointment in Paul Allen’s voice at KFAN while Wyatt’s last soccer practice was starting up, even as Longwell lined up the chip shot to win it with nine seconds left and can’t wait to hear the podcast of the PA and Dubay show later tonight.

The only reason to watch boiled down hoping more Clarissa Thompson (at least I think this is her...) would pop up on the sidelines.

On the poker-y side, I’m now recapping the Sunday Million Warm-up at Stars which is preventing me from having to foray into the evils of slamming a 6-pack of Monster at work the next morning. In Vegas, I’ll owe the boss a 3am greyhound at the Pai Gow tables for this one.

First parent/teacher conference tonight. Which personality should I bring to the mini-chairs at Wyatt’s school tonight?

1) Concerned, passive parent that shuts-up and nods a lot
2) Counter-pointing every critique she speaks of and add some random “you people” complete with finger pointing
3) Show up with a Lacoste polo shirt with a flipped collar, soaked in Axe body spray with an ripe-orange fake tan holding a Natty Ice tallboy and answer every question shouting “BRA!” while grinding on my wife like there’s some house music being piped into the classroom.

Enjoy your Monday.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Nothing for six plus month, and another final table, this one a $12 180 person SnG. Going 1 for 2 today.

Can't remember ever doing this.

Took 3rd again for a tidy $235.

Live poker tonight one way or another.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Yes, Drizz Still Plays Poker

Two thirds and a fourth in three MTTs played tonight.

Too bad my vagina keeps me from playing higher. Off to Cap'n induced sleep in preparation for the trip to Mall of America and the wonderful world of IKEA tomorrow.

This is my first semi-taste of success in several months, I leave this lucky lace thong on longer then usual.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Go Forth and Read Truckin

After a week of battling corporate red tape, there no more ink in the well here. Today's suggestion would point you towards the October version of Truckin for those shooting more ink then Peter North in a six hour Vivid feature porno.

Enjoy the potential Manny vs. SAKKKXXXS fap-fest you're about to be subjected to on ESPN and Sport-talk radio for the next week. We'll be rooting on the Phillies and Rays here.

Truckin' - October 2008, Vol. 7, Issue 10

Welcome back to another issue.

1. Maisy Wednesday by Paul McGuire She always wore bright lipstick which brought out a little gleam in her lips. She frequently smiled, but never initiated any sort of conversation... More

2. Happy Anniversary by John 'Falstaff' Hartness As we stood outside the courthouse in our newly wedded bliss (which also somewhat resembled the look of people who have just survived a tornado, as it happened much faster than we expected) we decided that since Suzy didn't have to be at work for another couple of hours, we'd go have lunch. So we scraped together a few bucks and trundled over to a nearby McDonald's... More

3. A Lock of Bonnie Parker's Hair by Johnny Hughes They was real famous and in the newspapers and all robbing them banks, when banks were unpopular. I asked Bonnie for something to remember her by. We didn't have a pencil for an autograph. She pulled this little pair of scissors out of her purse and gave me this... a lock of her hair... More

4. Whiskey Kisses by Betty After Dark Held apart by distance and circumstance, brought together in soft voices, the pieces of who we are fill the room with every drink we pour. The gaps in our lives slowly closing as the light from the window crept into the room. There was something unavoidable that connected us, but the details were never as clear as they were this night.... More

5. What I Knew? by Dusty Rhodes Just walk up and ask her you idiot... You've been friends for four years... she doesn't have a date and either do you... Quit being a pussy and ask her... Christ dude... what are you nervous about... More

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Its Always Sunny in Washington

For better for worse.

A tag line for a day filled with white lace, nervous flasks filled with brown liquid being passed around in the men’s bathroom, and cute little nieces all done up with fresh florist picks to drop some “ahhhhhhhhh” bombs before the guest of honor walk down the aisle towards their impending vows. Soon after the drunken dances with cousins twice-removed and seeing your new spouse in a thong for the last time bring: mortgages, new humans being produced, “found money”, nights on the couch after disagreeing Jerry Springer-style on chicken versus steak for dinner, marathon sex while watching NFL Sunday, yard work, credit card bills, quiet hand-held walks through falling leaves and a red wagon being tow'd behind.

Life has these ups and downs whether you’ve made the above vow with other person or not, should the economy be any different? People spend too much, find themselves in debt, reign in the horses to save, build the wealth back up, people spend too much, find themselves in debt… and the circle continues. Right now of course people like the execs at AIG don’t seem to understand its time to either invest in solid companies while their stock prices are low or maybe skip that pedicure and happy ending massage with Suki her lava rocks at some posh resort. If there’s an explanation for their $400K+ splurge that ends with people nodding their heads in agreement, it would be most helpful to avoid the long, icy glare of my better half the next time I try to super-size my skillet at Denny’s (or wherever skillets may be sold).

Is the country going to sit around and point fingers solely at those with the tailored Ralph Lauren purple label power suits and $150,000 Jags with the now near busto E-Trade accounts that make their spokesperson cry? Or should we blame those middle-wage earners who bought that $350,000 “dream home” because they could afford the interest-only loans, only to find out about balloon payments and escalating scale of interest after several months when they didn’t stop the notary public as she explained the 45 page mortgage document because of the stars in their eyes as they got a free set of Ginzu steak knives and bank logo’d stainless steel coffee mug with their purchase.

Pointing fingers while married solves little. Getting down on all fours to pick up the toys and scattered crayons readies the battlefield for tomorrow but does little to prevent a lifetime of pleas for help pick up. Sitting down and working out a plan with all those involved would get things done.

Now, it’s a matter of choosing the right person to take the lead, for better and for worse.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Wardrobe Malfunction at Work

Not many things piss me off.

A Viking loss.

Wife nagging about something I was already going to do.


If you want to push my buttons, there it is in bright red lettering with the glow of a Las Vegas strip casino. I hate fuckin pettiness.

Today I was sent home from work due to someone's pettiness. My normal day-to-day activities deal with a computer, a website, a printer, and occasionally a meeting. I don't have many face-to-face interactions, one that I'd welcome but its not part of the daily grind.

Due to an obscure part of the dress code at work, someone disapproved of my Viking's polo shirt and after being at work for EIGHT HOURS, I was told to go home. Again E-I-G-H-T HOURS it took for someone to be so offended by my looks to send me to the backed up WSOP episodes on my DVR.

One thing I enjoyed up to this point about my job was the lack of petty squabbles and how daily work seemed to just flow, that's gone now.

I feel bad for those who enjoyed my positive attitude while being around people I enjoy the company of, because my more serious business-like side will likely come out due to this.

I'll forego the Janet Super Bowl pic because my tits weren't exposed.

September: Not Missing You

Found the couch for a little bit of football action yesterday:

Redskins still looking for respect from the football talking heads (and hopefully found it this weekend). Listening to a podcast from KFAN last week with Adam Caplan chatting about how the Cowboys would walk all over the Skins last week without Jason Taylor.

Oops. Think he said the same about yesterday's Skins/Eagles tilt too?

Texas April looking for the Stabbing app for her blackberry and is currently skiptracing for Sage Rosenfels address after he single handedly passing over a win in the fourth quarter to a Manning brother. What in the name of Mark Duper was he trying to do for that first down that ended in a Colts fumble recovery for a TD?

Even I picked the Pack over Atlanta. Wow. Due to potential karma issues I will refrain from comments but curse Rodgers for another strong showing after I benched him in favor of the Manning brother that did not win the Super Bowl last year.

Thanks to Kissing Suzy Kolber, I am unable to watch a Pittsburgh Steelers game without thinking that Big Ben is asking Hines Ward for a Choco-taco in the huddle and subsequent laughter occurring.

Anyone else have DeAngelo Williams in yesterday? No? Learn the Ronnie Brown rule of fantasy football that if you sit a starting running back with a decent backup he will break out for a 30+ point day. Look for Fred Taylor to bust out for 125 and two scores in his next start.

Tonight you will either see the Brad Childress era come to a lame-duck end (odds are he'll be fired at the end of the season regardless of record this season) or start up some hype about the Vikes making a playoffs run. When did the NFC North become the NFC West? Besides the Lions looking their usual cream puffs selves, the other three teams are over-achieving for 7-9 end of the season records.

Drinkability ads for Bud Light need to die a quick death. That beer shouldn’t even be used to fry up brats let alone find its way to mouths of thirsty Class E softball players. Michelob Ultra and Natty Ice has more beer taste then this beer pong favorite.

Perhaps Bash stories tomorrow, perhaps not. Everyone say hi to my newest Facebook friend, my wife! I was immediately turned down with my “friends-with-benefits” request from her which ranks up there with getting my date for prom request shot down by my high school girlfriend in the middle of the hallway with all her big haired Z. Cavaricci-sporting preppy friends within an ear shot. Spending prom night watching “The Last Dragon” and knocking one out to fuzzy porn that came in if you knew the right trick on cable was much more productive then securing the right pink corsage and learning how to slow dance without grabbing her ass.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Running Off the Pain

After running the Twin Cities Marathon warm up 5K race this morning, I believe I left the remains of my tainted liver on the sides of Summit Avenue (the results say 36:59, but I didn't get to the starting line till four minutes later with the kiddies in their mobile fun bus, and I suck at running).

A gracious thank you to Al who host of all host to this party of all parties, and opened up his house for this degenerate (but since I couldn't hang as long as Al, so the G-Vegas folks were kind enough to offer real estate on the floor of the fleabag hotel). I truly suck at things like staying conscious.

Write up the Pub Olympics and my Dancing With the Stars audition tape later at night?


Blessed with friends who have recapped the festivites leave me with only a few more tidbits of non-Captain soaked memories. But, those memories I'll hold onto just like the jaunts to Key West last year, Chicago, and all the blogger hog piles that have been and will be.

What amazes this gentleman sitting watching SpongeBob Squarepants in a Gophers jersey after their first "real" victory of the season (and first one since the new coach proclaimed a new era), is that despite our meetings via online poker dwindeling into a few hours a week, the friendship across the board has never been questioned.

For that, I am a lucky guy to have met such people.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Prelude to the Party

With a drizzle of rain coming down, it was time to make some money for healthy boobies at the Riverchasers charity poker tournament. Reacquainted friends over the past few hours at the bar started to huddle into their cars to head over for a stage of decent food and rebuy retardedness with not-so-invisible internet friends. I was rucky enough to have the lovely CK to my left as I arrived at the banquet hall after four Nordic guys (Bam-Bam, donkaa, Carson, and myself) piled into the back of Riggs’ truck for a laugh track that wouldn’t die down the entire weaving ride to the linen topped poker tables.

Maybe next time I’ll ask how to become an honorary Canuck. For the time being, find Bam-Bam's cigarette story. Epic.

Met the lovely Pebbles for the first, yet second time and then The Wife ruined my entire weekend behind her alluring grin by remembering to embarrass me with more Packer gear. Of course rubbing it in with a 3X World Champions hat, a cruel reminder that the Vikes’ have a 0-4 record in the big game, and might win the Super Bowl sometime before a McDonald’s is put on Mars.


But a hot one.

Followed in by Doc whose smile almost exceeded mine, and one that wouldn’t leave the whole weekend either. Sat down with my tray of food, chatted it up with Spaceman and the radiant one, his lovely wife Rachel about the crazy WCOOP. Then the poker happened, with Me, CK, Falstaff, then Al in a half-circle with Riggs sitting across from us all in varying states of alcohol levels and armed with stacks of 20s we played a little poker.

I think the tally for our table hit 30 rebuys, I personally put in seven of those, but I was more interested in the fun which died several hours later that night from someone who was serious about the whole thing and took Five. Minutes. Every. Freakin. Decision.

I think a fish slap would have been appropriate.

Dude killed my buzz quicker then seeing your parents having sex on a Vegas hotel room balcony, and he also cracked my aces one table before the final two table were set thus sent me to find a place to “rest my eyes” BG-style after being up for the last 24 hours. Thankfully the awesomely slimmed down version of Dawn Summers and Bacon Bikini Mary came to the rescue of myself, Otis, and Badblood offering a ride back to which I accepted any piece of real estate they would offer.

Tomorrow… Pub Olympics, Throwing my hands in the air like I still don’t care, Owning the Bracelet (but envy the hottie next to him, lucky bastard)

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Liver Still Processing

I couldn’t get on the bandwagon. They lost way too many games down the stretch (despite sweeping the Sox in the second to last series). I hated the fact the Sox got a home game despite the Twins winning the season series 9-7. To be honest, I got chills when Braun smashed that home run sending the Brew Crew into the playoff despite being a die-hard Twins fan, I’m a baseball fan first and the Twins just seemed to give up in August-September and played uninspired ball causing a cloak of apathy to be laid over several fans, myself included.

Next time show that spunky play (including last night) during whole season instead in spurts and Twins fans will be behind their team.

In other sports news, Al Davis needs to don a head wrap or find his precious should he feel the need to fire another coach and call a press conference. I almost heaved my Fruity Pebbles this morning while enjoying Sportscenter.



Pirate Lawyer got me to play my first blogger tourney in almost a month playing H.O.R.S.E.

Played one Stud H/L hand poorly, exited for bed eager to turn off Ozzie Guillen’s gloating.

Might find me playing more often online, as frost tickled the lawn this morning. October 1st is the first day of winter in Minnesota, the igloo is ready for the remaining six months of snow, sleet, and sub-human temps.


Random Bash rambling…

This is easier then mashing together three days friendship and alcoholic bliss so I'll throw up (literally) some random pieces (chunks?) of the weekend.

The first day found me sitting across from Buddy Dank at the swanky Marriott airport bar after figuring out the rat maze of Philly International’s skyways. The burger $15.00, the drinks $8-$10 a piece, the chat fueled the weekend as Dank wasn’t even supposed to be here. Pure degeneracy to hop on a plane to the middle of nowhere with no logistics plan, ending up eating overpriced (but damn good) charred animal and fries with more to come later on.

Otis and Badblood would trickle in from G-Vegas as they insisted we take the Philly to Canada to Phoenixville route since missing out on the landscape of the Northeast would be detrimental to the theme of the weekend. The song being played for Friday and Saturday was to party without a care for what happened tomorrow or even the next hour. My smile began after seeing the big haired Dank walking down the terminal B skyway and didn’t leave until my last freshly baked cookie was finished on the Philly to Milwaukee flight on Sunday afternoon.

After grabbing some duty-free hookers and blow from the border, Otis and Badblood checked into the “hotel” (which was the loosest definition of such a business) as me and Dank walked towards the doors of the James Tyler Bar in Phoenixville to meet a man about a drink.

As always that man did not disappoint.

Possibly tomorrow:
- “Three Canadians and a Minnesotan get into a car...”
- Poker was played while women laughed
- More Packers (**shudder**) gear acquired but gladly accepted (go see Doc's take on the weekend, the man puts some great words and letters in the correct order)
- Is there hope for Team Otis at the Pub Olympics or will a breathalyzer DQ Team Al's all-star lineup?