Thursday, April 30, 2009

Minnesota's fight against online gambling

Was going to post quickly about the BBT4 and Full Tilt but now my words might get blocked thanks to some asshat, nanny-state, do-gooders protecting the state's casino fundage. ONLINE ISN'T WHERE THE MONEY IS GOING YOU DOLTS.

I'm at a lost for words (mainly because of a huge pile work at the moment). Will comment later on this article about Minnesota lawmakers trying to censor the internet much like Kentucky did.

New tactic in war on online gambling.

Seriously Minnesota? Seeing that we've elected a wrestler to head the state and a comedian to take a senate seat in recent years, aren't we a tad more liberal and open-minded state than most?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

What am I planning?

Take away My Little Pony? I'll show you a neat disappering trick too! (click thru for pic)

Cute, but she looks like she's planning something nefarious. Maybe a cookie heist? Setting the neighbor's house on fire via telekinesis?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Pitcher of Miller Lite and a pound of wings please

The official start of Spring/Summer/anything-that-doesn’t-involve-being-inside is softball season. There was a time (no, put the microphone away Mr. Tyler and by the way your Guitar Hero game sucked) that softball made up the majority of my time during the month-that-are-not-winter. Back in the days of slaving away for $6/hour at OfficeMax with a supervisor that I dated at one time but her perfect little 4’11” frame and wavy dirty blonde hair tried to lure me into the House of the Latter Day Saints for some ritual involving strawberry-flavored oatmeal, a single horned goat with an oversized brass bell around its neck, and a grand wizard proclaiming random bible/torah quotes in French.

She did rock that bright red smock with award pins while making sure the staplers and reams of paper were perfectly aligned though.

College was in the mix but volleyball at Mama G’s and softball at Becker Park with beers at the sponsor bar seemed more important than say getting that piece of paper that would assist obtaining financial security. But, I had my used white Mazda 626 DX that leaked a little oil with that thrown together Jensen sound system that once started smoking mid-ride to a game because my brother the engineer crossed a wire. I’m guessing at his current gig he’s a little more careful about since things because people generally don’t enjoy a pyrotechnics display while listening to their favorite morning radio show.

If I wasn’t explaining to customers why strapping a hundred pound computer desk with twine to the roof of their Jetta wasn’t an optimal idea, I could be found at the fields playing adult t-ball and marveling over the brand-spanking new purple and gray striped pants our sponsor got us for taking down a tourney and adding hardware to their wall collection.

Leap ahead ten years, and now nearing 35 with two kids, a wife, and a slight shoulder muscle tear, softball’s definition is relaxation. A stress reliever of meeting up once or twice during the week to tell these kids with the new purple and gray pants to get off my lawn as part of a decent thrown-together work team enjoys some time away from the spreadsheets and TPS reports. Sure there’s still the parking lot beers and bullshit; but just the thought of closing down the sponsor’s bar after polishing off an order of wings and cheese bread and getting up for work at 4:00am the next morning will remain a memory versus suffering through a rough business day for sake of a few pitchers.

If you want to see what the original 120 pounds of fury on the diamond looked like, I’ll try to score a picture today before my game against Jam’s Lounge and post it tomorrow. People from high school who haven’t seen me in 15 years probably would have to turn a double-take since I’ve put on about 90 pounds of (pure-Adonis rippling muscle) fleshy skin.


After last week’s attempts to play poker tournaments left me with a little dab in the bankroll (two final tables) but horribly tired are there players out there who do well in tournaments but are forced to opt for SnGs or cash games due to family and sanity obligations?

After checking my stats, which are semi-embarrassing but still profitable as I cash between 20-25% of the time, the micro-stakes I play at are for pure enjoyment and not to be seen as a money maker. Would you continue to play at the small stakes, still make dinner-and-a-movie type cash with zero chance of going busto, or go the Waffle route and add the risk of ruin by playing higher than you should?

Its funny that I love gambling and not blink at throwing $20-$100 at a slot machine or the Vikings at a time, but entering a $20+ buy-in poker tournament is cause for mentally thumbing thru all those poker books and play SERIOUS POKER.

Friday, April 24, 2009

EPT Season 5 Grand Finale

Semi-fresh off the presses from PokerStars:


Europe's largest poker event changes structure and adds charity event

ISLE OF MAN, UK - April 24, 2009: The European Poker Tour (EPT) SeasonFive is about to come to a close with the largest poker event in Europe's history. The PokerStars EPT will take place in Monte Carlo April 27-May 3.The event will include a total of 14 separate events that will be part ofthe festival including the Main Event, a High Rollers Event, and the first ever Ante Up For Africa in Europe.

Last year's Main Event attracted over 840 players, with, 22-year-old Canadian Glen Chorny taking home over €2 million and the Grand Final title.This year, the €10,000 buy-in No Limit Hold'em (NLHE) contest is set tosurpass all records at a European poker tournament with over 1,000 players expected to attend, creating an estimated €12 million total prize pool. Sofar over 400 players have qualified on PokerStars for the event. The EPTGrand Final Main Event structure has been altered this year to 30,000 inchips and 60-minute levels on Day 1, with 75-minute levels from Day 2.

This will also be the structure for all Season Six PokerStars EPT Main Events.The first ever Ante Up For Africa in Europe is being held the night beforethe kick-off of the EPT Grand Final in Monte Carlo. The charity event will raise money for the current humanitarian mission in crisis-torn Darfur, and will feature a host of stars including Nelly, Boris Becker, French rugby players Sebastien Chabal and Philippe Saint-Andre and French rapper Bruno"Kool Shen" to name a few. Also this years two major tournaments will be introduced, including the three-day €25,000 European High Roller Championship and the two-day €5,000 European Pot Limit Omaha Championship (PLO). Satellites have been runningfor the PLO tournament on PokerStars, offering a special three-day weekend prize package to Monte Carlo for qualifiers.On top of all of this, PokerStars is planning another Poker Camp during thePokerStars EPT Monte Carlo event.

This comes after the huge success of the Poker Camps held in Barcelona and the Bahamas as part of The PokerStars European Tour, Season Five. Members of Team PokerStars Pro will be on hand to provide priceless and interactive coaching sessions. The Monte Carlo Bay Resort and Hotel will also include daily battleship poker tournaments.In addition to competing in satellites for Monte Carlo, for the first timeon the EPT circuit, PokerStars players will be able to buy-in online to all scheduled tournaments directly through their PokerStars accounts and will receive Frequent Player Points (FPP) for rewards in the PokerStars VIP Club.Online registration opened on April 20, 2009.For more information on the EPT Grand Final and all EPT events, please see

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Rage unseen since Jessica Simpson couldn't fit into a size 4 jeans

According to the internets, there should be a rage flowing thru my body over Susan Boyle's "never been kissed" proclaimation. Blog buzz is reaching crest unseen since someone came up with the idea to place links from your site to one showing hardcore anal cattle prod porn.


I have never seen the video of her singing (which is supposed to be good).

There's a saying in the Fark community about women looking like Ms. Boyle (or guys, but mostly women because most internet posting trolls are men by nature and they lacked their mother's love while she always gave the extra strip of bacon to their sibling and this is their way of getting back at that salty pork fiend).

"Kill it with fire".

Except I would point the M2-2 Flamethrower at these lovely interwebs for spreading this story and make it stop before my eyes bleed and force myself to watch a replay of the most recent Victoria Secret TV special. We get it that she lacks the basic modelistic outlines one would expect in a showsinger or maybe even in a hausfrau. Stop spreading the hate and start snapping up more video of Keeley Hazell, maybe use Boyle's voice in the background singing an aria about heavenly bodies so people can appreciate both of their beauties.


Ok, the Mookie.

It sucked that the servers went down.

It sucked that a decent night of tournament poker did not receive its proper end.

But, dem the breaks. Full Tilt has done too much for poker bloggers over the years, and many people I'd consider friends under their employ, its hard to muster up a stupid 2006-ish rant about online poker being unstable.

Its a paper cut. With a kiss, some neosporin, and a clear Dora lined band-aid there's no reason to bemoan the fact that this was probably my best (read: only) of grabbing a BBT4 TOC seat. There's no fuel in the tank for these late nights/early mornings should luck shine a little light on my laptop for some cards.

This Sunday I was very deep in a Pot Limit Hold em/Omaha MTT and all my wife could do was ask every five minute if I was coming outside. Despite telling her there's X amount of people left, I rush through decisions based on cards versus playing back at the people I saw as weak.

Last night during the pivotal hand of the final table run, a half-awake Wyatt decided somewhere around 11 o'clock that it was a great idea to come upstairs, drop trou right in front of me and the laptop with a mini fire hose of piss ready to burst. After rushing him into bathroom, I come back to see myself holding Q-something offsuit the board showing two ladies on it and a timer ticking to fold. Nabbed quads on the turn managed to get my short-stack out of the hole and an hour later watched first time poker blogger Dr. Pauly come to the table with a decent stack when the blue final table backdrop appeared.

20 minutes later the servers went down, I had a similar stack to everyone except Pauly, after waiting about 15 minutes, shot an email to that rookie, wishing him luck as he picked up the humble job of blogging about poker and went to salvage a few hours of sleep.

Bad luck? Perhaps. But poker isn't about luck now is it? :)


A question to the masses: You see a pop up window in the morning after downing your third overpriced Venti triple shot espresso proclaiming your password is soon to expire. If given ten days to change it, how soon does your columbian bean filled head take to do it?

Trying to look like a poker player

Upon Hoy calling me out for not playing many blogger tourneys lately (very true, work hours, kids, sand in vagina), I decided to play the Mookie tonight...

Then this hit after three and a half hours:

Not happy with this, and heading to bed since 4am is going to come extremely early tomorrow today. Good luck to Pauly who was crushing one-armed hookers and a half-pound of sticky while check-raising his way to the chip lead. He deserves the win if it comes down to chip count.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

When its bad, its still pretty good

I wonder if the author for Yahoo's "Mock NFL draft" understood the irony of the Lions choosing a wide receiver with the first pick?

After reading, the collective Lions nation takes their spiffy new logo'd jerseys and burns down every McDonald's in the Detroit metro area.


Yesterday was windy, drizzled rain, cloudy, and a touch chilly.

"Man, you guys must really have a need to go golfing"

"Yes, ma'am."

Six O'clock by the time my buddy was released from his not-so-nine-to-five job and an extra fifteen minutes to wash down some pasta with a Smithwicks and moving my daughter's milk glass over a dozen times in attempts to prevent her from another "oops" moment despite her pleas of drinking competency.

A short course, no more then a glorified par three layout with wide open spaces and speckled tree lines to help you hit back towards your green despite being two holes east of your destination. Skulling the first five shots, mixed in with my past hatered of golfing in sub-prime weather would have brought out a Tin Cup moment of snapping my faux Nike Slingshots like a used Sizzler's toothpick.

Not yesterday.

After figuring out that bending the knees a tad helps gain some ground there was the blissful moment of watching a perfectly struck three-iron (I don't do woods/drivers anymore) go about 240 yards. Almost on par with watching a softball clear the Victory Sports Bar and Grill scoreboard, the view of a golf ball in flight makes up for any crosswinds mother nature was throwing at us.

My score was a little below bogey golf thanks to my Mickelson moments of missing three different three-foot putts, yet there was no anger because I could hear my buddy talking about his new assistant manager position and every note of the newest Carrie Underwood musing. My first reaction when someone speaks is "uh?", since there was no catching the person's first words it became a necessary habit. Now, to catch the hitch and switch over to active listening mode has been slow but will get there in time.

Since there was no time for a full 18, as we approached the final hole for our half round, a crack of sunlight made its way thru the overcast skies. Perhaps applauding my ability to hit a driver 50 yards straight up then smacking a three-iron around 250.

While the ability to hit the dimpled white ball may never be there to boast of a sub-par round, the ability to enjoy the round under any conditions is nearly here.

Monday, April 20, 2009

That's not supposed to happen here

Um, that's not supposed to happen in my part of suburban white-trash town.

Woman, man dead after shooting at Maple Grove McDonald's
A woman was
killed outside a McDonald's in Maple Grove by her boyfriend, who later killed
himself, police said.
, Star Tribune
Last update: April 20, 2009 - 6:00

In a bloody end to a domestic dispute, a young woman's on-again,
off-again boyfriend shot her to death Sunday afternoon outside a Maple Grove
McDonald's restaurant, then committed suicide on a nearby freeway, police

At least a dozen people, including children, were eating inside the
popular restaurant when the man accosted the woman as she walked toward the
entrance, shooting her at least twice with a shotgun.

Just before 2 p.m., Maple Grove police received several frantic 911
calls about a woman being shot in the parking lot of the McDonald's on Sycamore
Lane N. Witnesses saw her stumble at the curb and fall onto a sidewalk by the
restaurant as she was shot the first time, said Maple Grove police Capt. Tracy
Stille. The male suspect then approached the woman and shot her again at "very
close range," Stille said.

The man then fled in a white vehicle. "Witnesses in the restaurant were
yelling, 'Grab the license plate! Grab the license plate!' " he said.

It was Maple Grove's first homicide in eight years, police said.

The man and woman had arrived separately at the restaurant to break off
a year-old relationship, Stille said. The identities of the two, whom police
described as metro-area residents in their 20s, had not been released by late

A McDonald's employee and two police officers performed CPR on the
woman, but she died at the scene.

Armed with a vehicle description and a partial license plate number, a
Brooklyn Park police officer was waiting for the suspect, who was driving 20 to
30 miles over the 55 miles-per-hour speed limit, on Interstate 694, Stille

About six minutes after the initial 911 calls, the officer pulled the
suspect over on 694 at the border of Brooklyn Park and Brooklyn Center. He
approached the parked vehicle and found the man dead inside from an apparent
self-inflicted gunshot wound, Stille said.
The officer did not see or hear
the shooting, but the car's roof bore a hole from a fired weapon, Stille said. A
shotgun was found inside.

The eastbound lanes of 694 were shut down for a time during the
incident, but traffic slowly returned to normal.

Authorities searched both shooting scenes into the early evening. At
least two cars sustained damage from shots in the McDonald's parking lot, where
the female victim lay covered for several hours after the shooting. It's unclear
how many shots were fired, but one car had a shattered window and a flat

A group of teenagers sitting in a booth just 5 feet away on the other
side of large windows witnessed the commotion, but it's unclear if they saw the
actual shooting, Stille said.
The victim's 9-year-old daughter and several
other family members arrived at the scene shortly after the shooting and were
being interviewed by police. Grieving family members and friends declined to

Officials said they did not expect to release the identities of the man
or woman Sunday.
Chao Xiong • 612-673-4931

Wow, click on that map and start on #1, go north and hop over Cedar Island lake before you hit the Hwy. 694/94 split and you got my place. I've gone to that McDonald's since my Azure and Gold Huffy with the missing crossbar from an attempt to fly off the hill ended my BMX aspirations at age nine took me up there for Donkey Kong at Spectrum and a 35 cent cone from McDs. It's not what you'd consider a "depressed" part of town, but the older part developed first before the suburban exploitation of Applebee's/TGIFriday/namearestaurantchainandorplacetobuyscrapbookingjunk moved in across the highway.

Sure the bowling alley (Spectrum's) across from the McD's went belly up six months ago after 20 years of good service and drink specials only taking two years of mis-management to shoot itself into bankruptcy, but this type of thing doesn't happen in our perfectly built "little" town.

Maybe recessionary rage is finally spilling over into the 9 to 5'ers holding that Grande Latte from Caribou.

Update: For those video inclined, check out KSTP's coverage here.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Friday Flops

Quick hits:

Minnesota Wild fire their GM/President Doug Risebrough.

After years of horrible management of draft picks (hey at least its in line with the rest of Minnesota professional sports!), good decision by the Wild. But, with the loss of Lemaire behind the bench and most likely Gabby this "Team of 18,000" is going to have a tough time pulling in folks to the X to pay for $9 beers and $15 wings without recognizable names or a decent team.

Its still hockey at its highest level, and we are a hockey-rabid state but it will be tough to cheer on a team with aspirations on grabbing the eight seed for the playoffs each year.


Madden gone.

Who's going to hand out the turducken to random Detroit Lions players that only the Nardi Brothers could name and write neon yellow circles around tight ends and go off on a lineman tangent for five minutes while the team your cheering on drives for a game-tying touchdown and Al Michaels is forced to break Madden's train of thought to announce T-Jack's wounded duck somehow was grabbed by a player wearing the same jersey color as him by waving a tube of Tough Actin' Tinactin in front of his face.

Some announcers should (and did) work until their death: Herb Carneal, Harry Kalas, Vin Scully, Howard Cosell, Jim McKay, (add your regional long time voice of baseball here).

Madden should have given it up after this first video game came out and let Keith Jackson do double time working college football and NFL.


A question for the masses since last night I did not play my usual round of low-stakes tourneys since I enjoy being employed and working a rare Friday (instead dusted off a buy-in to someone who couldn't let go of top pair in PLO when I missed):

If you could go back to your 18,19,20, 21 year old self and give yourself one piece of advice that's non-financially driven (Buy Microsoft! Sell Enron! The numbers of the Powerball are 9, 19, 20, 37, 45, and 5) what would it be?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Hearing Is Believing

Vegas made have its Elvis weddings, Chapel of the Bells, or pick any casino up and down the strip (found at

But, if you want to feel what your marriage is going to be like in a literal sense, you come to Minnesota and shop at Ikea for that perfect $59.99 end table with the unpronouceable name, hit up one of the many jewelry stores in the Mall of a America, after crossing home plate from the old Met, ride a roller coaster while taking your vows to abstain from sex have many lovingly years in each others arms.


It has been over a month now with my new bionic ears and the dividends are still paying off daily as they will slowly meld into regular life soon enough. It's a still wonderment that insurance companies turn a deaf ear (DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!?!) on assisting people who pay premiums at their respective companies for purchasing hearing aids.

A quick Google (when are you going to allow my site back into your queue?) search for hearing aid insurance brings up websites that should how insurance turn their backs on those with hearing losses despite people like myself who's lives are vastly improved by wearing them. It's a state-by-state lotto in which the state's assure hearing aid coverage, but mostly for children. While my wife made be able to argue in front of a nine person actuarial panel my penchant for being a Toys R' Kid, my drivers license still allows me to fly to Vegas and make an ass out of myself while berating the two seat for calling me down with a gutter-ball straight draw on a flush board while I hold top two pair.

Health insurance should be just that. Improvement on health. After getting these wonderful devices I can now understand people at work without having them go into their tape recorders and rewind every message before their triple lattes from the Starbucks kiosk. Rushing downstairs to grab the wife and decipher my daughter's pleas at 5:00am as I wake her up are no longer necessary. Thanks to this, she actually knowledges me on occassion with more hugs and is willing to sit down to talk rather then me resorting to imperfect lip reading.

My son's voice and temperment have lowered since I don't speak as loudly anymore. We get to share more about his media center day and getting thru the rigors of Kindergarten without having to "take-a-break" (that's time-out for you naughty adults who's names were written on the board with little check marks growing up).

I've even seen a softer side of my wife since her pet peeve is having to repeat things (how we ever got thru nearly nine years of marriage before this without her placing a shotgun to my head is beyond me).

Most likely if you're reading this you know me personally or have at least had the pleasure of taking my money at the poker tables, but for those who don't, know that this gift of hearing will be a recurring theme here as what once felt like a lost cause between living, my spouse, and my kids now gets a new chance to meet each other and possibly learn to grow off one and another.


My slacking baseball fandom line of seeing the Twinkies in action this year is abysmal. If my viewing was a box-score it would look like this:

AB: 4

1B: 1

2B: 0

3B: 0

HR: 0 (HA! Like they hit any home runs)

SB: 0

SAC: 0

BB: 1

IP: 2/3

H: 1

BB: 0

K: 1

Watched the Twins bat last night (two on, no outs for Nicky Punto to send a co-ed softball-ish routine fly ball to center field and kill any rally while down 10-2 to the Blue Jays), then part of an inning where someone threw a knuckleball. First Twin I've seen throw one since Joe Niekro if I'm not mistaken.

A plea to FSN. I rarely look at channels that are non-HD as the TV snobbery is high, please stop being so cheap and broadcast those games on the HD channel so I know when they're on.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Back Again, Lets Begin

Call it cubical cleansing. Any chance I get to step outside of my four walls showing pictures of the kids and my four pound one ounce Smallmouth Bass at the 9-to-5 and report on the world of online or live poker is refreshing to the palette. The three a.m. final tables and mundane raise from the button getting the blinds to fold circus may seem boring, and at times repetitious because it is. There’s stories like watching a newly minted Team PokerStars Pro JC Alvarado take down his biggest score ever after winning the SCOOP-medium Main Event for over $500,000. Stories of that $5 rebuy qualifier cashing in his ticket for six figures may bring “why isn’t that me” trains of thought as most people who play online poker dream of hitting that big payoff thru years of six-tabling and reading countless tomes of card wizards proclaiming that math with show you the way to Lamborghinis and six-figure baccarat bets with oil barons in the back room at the Wynn.

Personally I enjoy the action, often watching a tournament far before my scheduled time to report the card slinging before the final nine (or six) divvy up the big pieces of the prize pool. My hopes are with the economy and product that the awesome team put out there these past 14 days was entertaining for the readers and spiffy enough for the brass at PokerStars to want us back.


These pages have missed a few things while I was dancing with the Flamingo rocks at the $2/$4 tables. Actually, one does not dance he should just try to figure out how to fish fruit flies out of his drink, and hope the waitresses of yesteryear don’t infect him with the Vegas Monkey Virus despite being one of only two people at the table who tip with every watered down drink while six people call every flop and auto-mucking is in order if the crabby AARP spokesperson in the six seat even looks at his chips.

Still wrapping my mind around Vegas with the boy, one thing that I did not understand nor expecting was his unwillingness to do the things we had planned. Batman Legos on the PSP apparently had more pull then Circus Circus, watching Spongebob was more exciting than a chance to walk under Ginsu-sharp shark teeth. Not to say he didn’t have a good time, but there was a feeling that we were pushing him to have that fun versus enjoying the moment. There’s pictures on Facebook that transfer over to these pages for the five readers I have not met.

Perhaps the trip was another parenting lesson to be learned.


My trip to Vegas was much like my home life, secured in the vapid air of suburbia with ADT alarm systems and housewives getting soused on Yellow Tail and Three Buck Chuck from Trader Joe's while playing bunco. Stayed on the strip, hotel partially comped, and had no problems with the 1972 Golden Nugget Slapback Blackjack tourney winner Ron House from Dayton, Ohio who left his wife and kids after winning $2,500 while passing through on a family trip to Disneyland now can be found at Bill's Gambling Hall scraping up discarded ten cent slot tickets at the Wheel of Fortune machines for a minimum Pai Gow bet.

For the real story of Vegas outside of the glitz and find out more about what happens to people like Mr. House, check out Pauly's new book Lost Vegas. It is a moral imperative to read it, you'll surrounded by twice as many virgins in heaven then allah promises those suicide bombers.

Want a taste for his writing? Go to the April edition of Truckin.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Ante Up For Africa Europe

Needed a break from the blog for SCOOP at PokerStars and there will be some drivel tomorrow about the trip and screaming near-three year olds can tank a good mood faster then you can muck online.

For now here's a press release for a great cause, Ante Up For Africa has been at the WSOP for a few years and now will highlight the Grand Finale week for the EPT. Read on below:


LONDON, UK - APRIL 14, 2009 - PokerStars, the world's largest online pokersite is pleased to announce a special star-studded addition to its EuropeanPoker Tour (EPT) Grand Final week with the first ever Ante Up For Africa

Europe Celebrity Charity Poker Tournament. The event is aimed at raising money within the poker community for the current humanitarian mission in crisis torn Darfur.

The event will take place on April 27, 2009 at 6pm, a day before thePokerStars EPT Season Five Grand Final Main Event. A field of A-list celebrities and poker pros including Team PokerStars Pros Daniel Negreanu,Joe Hachem and Vanessa Rousso will compete in the €4,000 buy in no-limit Texas hold'em tournament held in Monte Carlo, Monaco.

All of the prize money from the PokerStars Ante Up For Africa Europe tournament will be donated to Ante Up For Africa to help fund the work of charities that provide aid and assistance to the survivors of the situation in Darfur, Sudan, and support activism dedicated to resolving the crisis.

PokerStars will be awarding the winner of the tournament with a special prize package to their flagship EPT event in the Bahamas in January 2010.

Ante Up For Africa has run two previous charity tournaments during the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas over the last two summers - the events have attracted numerous players including Hollywood stars Ben Affleck, AdamSandler, Montel Williams, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle, Jason Alexander, CharlesBarkley, Ray Romano, Shannon Elizabeth and top professional poker players such as Team PokerStars Pros Joe Hachem, Daniel Negreanu and BarryGreenstein and to date Ante Up For Africa has raised closed $2 million forthe cause.

While the situation in Darfur has shown signs of improvement the area remains perilous. A campaign of ethnic cleansing by Government forces in Sudan over severalyears has left more than 300,000 dead and almost three million displaced,living in squalid conditions in refugee camps along the Chad/Sudan border.

Peacekeeping forces are gradually being deployed but not without difficulty,being short of vital helicopters and other supplies to make helping those inneed possible. The International Criminal Court has indicted top Sudanese officials, with more expected as world pressure mounts. Companies are pulling out of business with Sudan amounting to tens of millions of divestiture, and 22 U.S. states have passed laws forbidding pension funds from investing in companies doing business in the country. But the fragile conditions faced by civilians remain.

The hope of PokerStars and Ante Up for Africa is that Ante Up for Africa Europe and the third annual Ante Up for Africa tournament this summer in LasVegas will bring more attention to the crisis and create further support for peacekeepers and aid workers in the region.

Photo call at 5pm, 27th April, Sporting Casino, Avenue Princesse Grace,Monte Carlo

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Never a bad time in Vegas

Vegas short:

Minus a minor kiddie blow-up by Wyatt and a mental one while blogging, another great time.

Vegas long:

Will write about a few characters I saw tomorrow like the ticket horde found in the Excalibur's poor excuse of a " kiddie carnival" and other folks like the Dolce and Gabbana-sporting chick who felt the need to expound her snobbery with facial tics while viewing my carefully selected 3am attire from Target at the Pai Gow tables.

Miss Vegas already, good to be home, this may be the first trip in twenty plus that I actually won money because I stayed away from the evil slot machines for the most part.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Testing For SCOOP

Missed CK at the mixed game but I'm happy to report that Freddy Mercury was FLAMMIN HOT in the deal-a-tainer pit and winning a high hand jackpot with quads is the only way to make $2-$4 limit hold em' fun when everyone at the table is over double your age. That and an IV of Cap'n Cokes.

This post is just a test of the degenerate broadcasting system to make sure this connecting in my room doesn't flake out while reporting on the 2-day Event # 8 at PokerStars' SCOOP in a few hours.

Now if you'll excuse me there's a hot wife in a bikini waiting for me at the pool.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

IP Mixed Game Tonight

Wish you were here.
Vegas-lite in eight hours. But will try to sandwich in some poker table time over the next four days with CK and F-Train as I'm here for the family and working PokerStars SCOOP in the afternoon tomorrow.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

SCOOP PLO8 Low Limit Live Blog

8:20pm - Thanks for following, hope the wife doesn't smite me for that last NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Take care guys and be sure to hit up the for the final recap tonight, and I'll be covering the low buy-in 2X Chance turbo tomorrow night.

8:18pm - Out, rivered by a naked A2 draw that hits a wheel on the river for 54K in chips.

8:17pm - 575/796 lets go chips!

8:11pm - AA26 suited no match for A24T all diamonds, gets broadway on the river, back to 25K.

8:09pm- Daughter chooses Berestein (sp?) Bears for the 17th consectutive night, like me asking for a blowjob from the wife, its almost a given.

7:57pm - like whoa. AA35 gets there against a small stack hitting a wheel vs. A2JJ, Wyatt yells for NO JACK!!!! I'm near 30K. And its break time and DAMN IT KYRA NEEDS HER LIBRARY BOOK OR ELSE!!!!

7:45pm - If you're getting bored of my road to a free night at TGIFriday's here's some boobs for you. Click here.

7:41pm - hand slap back to 21.9K, wanted to see a flop with a low cards, big stack bitch slapped me.

7:33pm - DOUBLE!!! Aces gOOt for a big slice of a split pot and I'm up to 26.7K.

7:26pm - I'm breaking out this video:

7:22pm - Hand for hand? Yes, it is true, I may not totally suck at the Omaha. Busto in HORSE when flush draw and slight low are looked up for a HUGE $1.45 profit in 36th place! I may go dancing in the street as a result.

7:17pm- High rollers enjoy the structure hate the 20% payout table. Of course they are the two big stacks at the table. Moved up to 18.8K on another bluff, I need to slow down a bit with 500/1000 blinds.

7:09pm - Very much in the HORSE with 8.5K and 750/1500 blinds, PLO8 still below average puttering around with chips and not doing much 14K currently and 400/800 blinds.

6:51pm - Break is brought to you by Bad Idea Jeans. The SNL skit that just won't die but should be replayed everytime you think its a great idea to live blog, drink, and chat with your good friends.

6:48pm - Break time! Currently at 14K in chips which is off the average of 21K and 1086/1744 with 1440 pulling some coin tonight.

6:45pm - good luck kiss from almost three year old. These people don't stand a chance even with Kirby RIGHT BACK AT YA! now displayed prominately on my TV.

6:40pm - thank you random person placer, 50K stack now on my immediate right why must you take my attention from this kick ass mac and cheese?!??!!?!

6:35pm - GambOOOOOOOOOOOOl! Double when I fade the ace high flush draw versus my low plus straight flush draw and hit and god this mac and cheese is the bestest ever. 14K!

6:33pm - Wife delivers mac and cheese with Brats mixed in. I heart my wife!

6:31pm - Runner-runner in Stud set me back, still alive with the PLO8 6,875 in chips

6:24pm- Wife and kids are home, must. act. normal. Or not get all excited about pulling off a bluff in a $3 HORSE tourney during Razz. At 4K with blinds at 200/400. PLO8 down to 6.5K blinds moving up to 250/500

6:19pm - AA88 ds is a great hand.... TO POOP ON! Still nets a few chips and I'm still at 7.8K

6:12pm- Get retarded with lock low, hoping to grab a pot annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd yes! 7,375.

6:07pm - Mild comeback, 5.7K caught nothing, love nothing, want chips as the blinds go to 200/400

6:01pm - Then of course I try to trim chips off the big stack who calls me down with a six high flush draw. Down to 4.5K

5:59pm - Avoid disaster against big stack on a raggidy board hitting two pair. He has top set, would have rivered a boat and gone busto. Thank god for drinking a chatting!

5:42pm - WHOA! I still have chips in the HORSE tourney. Yep, looking like free happy meal baby! I'd like to thank Nadia for her continued support of this site despite my falling Goggle numbers from Bodog. Gracias.

5:37pm- Chatter still five points of awesome at the table, wavering around 8K having to make bluffs at the moment. Big stack hit 50K briefly. Now second break 8,475 in chips blinds at 125/250 and I'm loving the structure.

5:21pm - for the low low price of $11 I get comedy gold at my table Q9J3 is SHOCKED, SHOCKED I TELL YOU when a wrap wheel and flush draw gets there versus his top two

5:15pm = $2 experiment done, low on chips and low on self-esteem I take the porn slapper's 89s and race it against ATs. I do not get the money shot.

5:11pm = Never play ATo vs. the poker of K2sOOOOOOOOted. You will lose. Alive in the $2 donkfest after the setback. May go for drink #3.

5:08pm = Holy I-sucked-off-the-Stars-RNG someone just arrived with 34K in chips, make that 40K. Sigh.

5:01pm - Good gravy people, when I raise and you call pre-flop calling with J995 and the board reads AJJ8K, do not stroking yourself when I three-bet. Chips = 8.8K GET THERE!

4:55pm - Final tally 7,622 players and $10,670.81 going to me err... first prize. Ok, I need to pay for some blogger trips people. Not to mention the second payment on these hearing aids.

4:46pm - Damn penis. A248 folded pre-flop while taking a piss break. Flop AA8 and donkey wanted to give away monies.

4:41pm - Donkey slot pays off my pre flop push with AA27 ds, three kings on the board, he doesn't have one WINNER! Chips = 8K

4:33pm - Long time friend admitted he's never seen Metallica live. Wow. October in the Twin Cities baby!!!!

4:31pm - First break = 3,960 lost a bit with sOOOOOOOOted aces versus someone calling my pot raise pre-flop with 8872

4:27pm - Dumped a little with a flopped flush and the third nut low, had to fold on the river to a paired board and heavy betting 4,360 chips.

4:21pm - Drizz withdraws chips from the donkey! AA72 go for 3,950 chips and back up to 5,560. Sticking with the low limit theme, added $3 HORSE in 20 minutes.

4:15pm - Dollah experiment worked great until I hit the buy-in button. Out faster then a dick inside Paris Hilton's hoo-haa after a night of grinding douchebags at Pure north of 2am.

4:09pm - First real hand A234 suited, lets see some love here! Flop 2h 5s 9s WHIFFFFFFFFFF on turn and river, down to 3.7K

4:01pm - Threw in a $2 NLHE tourney, bust early? I think I can! Blinds now 40/80 sitting on 4.4K

3:54pm - hanging around, want noted donkeys chips but can't bring myself to play 9972 rainbow

3:45pm - added a $1 limit Omaha tourney for added pain, luckily AlCantHang is to the rescue with timely and healthier chat.

3:42pm- Get lucky with top set vs. straight and chop on the river 4,750 in chips

3:39pm- Prizepool topples $71K. C'mon daddy needs a scoop draw!

3:33pm- 5K in chips, blinds 25/50. First hand As2h6hJs, play a limp fold on a bad board.

3:15pm - This live blog is brought to you today by Captain Morgan and Feed My Starving Children. The first is obvious if you've read here before. The second, I just back from a volunteer shift bagging and palletizing food for the needy. Our group managed over 55,000 meals packed!

3:13pm - If you're not reading Shane Schleger's blog and enjoy poker, you're missing out. Take in his post about assholic 20-tabling hoodie bots in the online Sunday Majors. Spot on, and you might learn a little bit about those "pros" and how they think to win.

3:08pm - Since there's no live blog, and I'm on vacation with nothing better to do then enjoy adult beverages until the kids get home. I satellited in (stop laughing) for $3.30 after two people were kind enough to fight for first versus one of the three seat available.

Nick Nack Paddy Whack Give a Gambler a Bone

While the report was great from Otis, I was disappointed to read that the SC Poker hearing didn't contain more pro-voices from those who would benefit the most from these new laws on "kitchen" table poker, charity tournaments, and raffles for charity (because the state-approved South Carolina Lottery isn't gambling of course since its for education).

Read the meeting recap at Up For Poker in their fight to defeat the fire and brimstone bringing bible thumpers explaining how smooth calling G-Rob on the turn in PLO with the nuts is going to send your kids into a life of shooting up heroin in a Waffle House bathroom at 3am after knocking over a dozen houses to get the money for an ounce with enough left over for the pecan waffles with a side of sausage.

Read about the PPA here.


Speaking poker, if you're in the US and not doing normal business hours, I highly suggest hitting up the triple tiered SCOOP (Spring Championship of Online Poker) over at PokerStars tonight. Yes, I may be shilling for my job, but as a player (note: not a good one, but a slightly profitable one in Omaha) I've always wanted the championship feel of an event that fits my bankroll (aside from the 2007 World Series of Poker PLO8 event I played in). This online where I learned to play after toiling at the $1-$5 Stud at the Excal or Canterbury, but never had the balls to dump $200+ into a tournament online (without satelliting in). Today happens to be the PLO8 tourney and with a few vacation hours, I may see about entering.

See you there, and be sure to hit up the PokerStarsBlog for the recaps, as you will definitely see me there.


Dr. Pauly is throwing his Vegas memories into the ring of published words for the world to devour the degeneracy of Sin City from his point-of-view.

Wish I had a copy to go with Wheaton's Sunken Treasure for my impending trip to Vegas on Sunday, might make the flight a little more enjoyable. Since this is a "family" trip there will be no wheelchair moments but will save a late night or two for some poker playing into the wee hours with hopes to get enough comps for a breakfast sandwich at the IP before its time to take the boy to see where the real good porn slappers display their wares.


FML is cruel. While some fiction writers may be making up their best Murphy's Law-type situations this one took the cake (I'll paraphrase it):

"I was on Facebook and saw my wife current relationship status as "single", after sending her message that it was ok to show herself married to me she sent a message back to meet her in the kitchen to have a talk. I got divorced to my wife of five years over Facebook"

The real sad thing is that in three to five years this type of passive-aggressive note slinging will become the norm, as already seen in the news of breakups happening via text messages. But, not having the common human courtesy to saying "I don't love you anymore" or "I've been banging my boss for two years because he can actually get it up and I don't have to worry about not being able to afford my twelveth pair of Jimmy Choo's with him".

If you don't have the fortitude to "have a talk" face-to-face you shouldn't be married in the first place and should stick to the discreet encounters section of Craigslist while dodging a double dose of ear herpes with every "date" in the third stall of that titty bar that time forgot 20 years ago.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

An Excuse to Post a Keeley Hazell Picture

Four days to Vegas. Interest ramping, sleeping failing, full-blown porn slapper euphoria soon-to-come.

Anyone need a job? (NOT a cruel April Fools Joke, I'll leave that to the pros):

Lead Business Analyst:

Masters degree in Mathematics or Statistics
Minimum 6-8 years business experience
Minimum 3-4 years SAS experience
Proven problem solving, analytical, listening and communication skills
Ability to manage ambiguity
Demonstrated organizational, planning, and time management skills
Proven ability to collaborate with all partners
Ability to establish direction and manage team workload
Ability to drive change and execute

Let me know if there's any quadratic g33k's out there who are interested.
If you don't read Kissing Suzy Kolber for NFL news, make this post of a Tom Brady, Gisele, and Bridget threesome your first post.


Add aerobics instructor to list of people you should never utter the words "you're not challenging me".

My hopes are the bottle of ibuprophen I'll be downing today quell half of the pain as I whine like a 4-year old with a hangnail.
In case you need to know this is what an aerobics instructor may look like (click thru to see pics):