Feels Like Warm Apple Pie

Who do you think was more comfortable last night?

Me – laying back with a fluffy pillow, flannel PJs since its getting a little nippy outside, cold bottle of Guinness, managed to cash in a few SnGs and make a little in the cash games, and chat with a few good imaginary internet friends.

Tom Brady – set up in the pocket with enough time to twist one off to BigTitHotCelebSexFiends.com, grill a decent marinated steak with a loaded baked potato and some baked beans, and make plans to meet up with Stephen Jackson and Fred Smoot at Dream Girls/Déjà Vu’/Sexworld after he’s done throwing to receivers wider open then Paris Hilton’s legs at 3am after night of partying at Tao/Pure/(Insert any Vegas nightclub here).

This is a plead to all major media outlets covering the Vikes, and I’ve repeated this several times… it’s the RUN defense that is lockdown not the total defense. The pass defense resembles a bunch of “name” players allowing receivers and quarterbacks to set up a lawn chair, lather up the sunblock, and lounge around till they have a nice golden tan. Yes, they hit hard, after a first down is achieved. Yes they cause turnovers and score touchdowns, but with a Marty-ball type offense giving up anything over 20 points will be automatic loss. Having no coverage within five yards of primary receivers is a serious lapse in game plan, you have the talent please use it.

Of course it didn’t help that Brad Johnson resembled the 2006 version of Culpepper and Chester Taylor crawled into a hole and never came out like he did last week. Kudos go out to StarTrib columnist Patrick Reusse for not blasting the Vikes this morning after pointing out the good things about this team yesterday. He’s one of the few sports writers who are not swayed easily by a win or loss but can be counted on for some solid points positive or negative towards any Minnesota sport.

The Pats played the exact game they needed to (yes I’m feeding the oversized ego of Belichick) and exposed a Jenna Jamison sized hole in their game that will hopefully be patched up before a rather soft four game stretch that should propel them into the playoffs if they sweep the November games. I bleed Purple whether they win or lose but this team has the potential to win a serious block of games unlike recent pass, I hope the chance isn’t wasted.

Obligatory poker content for Waffles:

Bodog Omaha players resemble zombies from Dawn of the Dead as they spam their call button regardless of the four card combination displayed on the screen. Maybe I should stop hitting up teaser bets on home underdogs and draw for scoops and wheels instead. It is boring poker however as basically its sit-and-wait, maximizing the profit isn’t tough since you’ll get called down by third pair with no low. The trick is bet just the right amount on each street so it doesn’t seem like you’re value betting and wake the undead from his slumber to find his fold button that’s located on the left. My problem will be patience as blocking bets and nut-flush card bluffs will not phase the lower limit players (I need to rebuild since some people thought it would be great to meet up at a bar in Philly and sling some cards at the MGM Grand next month).

To the SnG genius last night… yes you were behind, stop betting with top pair, stop "walking in" on your sister taking a shower, and no I didn't get "lucky" I just didn't get unlucky.

http://twodimes.net/h/?z=2156905
pokenum -o8 9s jd qs th - ks 7s 7d 2h -- kh 8h ts
Omaha Hi/Low 8-or-better: 820 enumerated boards containing Ts Kh 8h cards

scoop HIwin HIlos HItie LOwin LOlos LOtie EV
Qs 9s Jd Th 453 513 307 0 0 0 0 0.589
Ks 7s 7d 2h 307 307 513 0 160 0 0 0.411

Thanks for dropping by, now to our friend Bill Frist, and the rest of the “family values” rightwingnuts that allowed the sale of online lottery tickets clear passage… here’s a 911 call I think you should hear.

Bobby Bracelet is back with some like totally awesome eBay auctions For Peyton, one of which I have my eye on if a certain Aussie doesn't outbid me again:


Matusow Jersey

Table signed by several pro that are better then you

Fossilman Raymer package, but not his package

BobbyB/Donkey Puncher/Al trio package to knock down your bankroll and liver

The Real Old Testament: Paul Hannum DVD

Mark Slaughter Is Puking Right Now

You’re playing The $100,000 Pyramid with Dick Clark and you managed to take out Rachael Ray and some tall, handsome TV news director from Lafayette and move onto the bonus round. The crowd cheers as they play the little trumpeted theme song as you and Uncle Jesse from Full House (who is trying not to cry about losing one the hottest chicks in America) make your way to the padded circle to potentially win $25,000!!!!

The exchanges are intense as you fly through the first five boxes and then he gives the following clues:

A training bra (Things that are new?)

Poker chips (Things that you shuffle?)

Your mom’s soufflé (Things that you eat for dessert?)

The Tigers attempt to win the World Series (Things that cost you money?)

A bad joke (Things you punch people in the face for?)

Drizz’s attempt to channel Slaughter because he lost a bet to a certain A's fan again…

Things that falls flat!!!!

Uncle Jesse smiles for one microsecond as you celebrate your newly minted $25K, and then he dashes to his dressing room in tears hoping to see a nekkid Mystique again.

Primp All Night, Type All Day (my apologies to Mark Slaughter and his band, Mr. Speaker, and anyone who has the misfortune of reading this page)

Primp all night, Type all day
Primp all night, Type all day

When evening comes I am dressed to a T
I love to prowl around in the clubs, with hotties looking at me
It's the tequila that controls my mind
Now I've got the power of the Speaker

Awake from buy-in to bust
Watching the level changes
Chips are splashing down
Beers will be splashing down
Inside you and I
And when the morning comes
And I'll hold all the chicks
'Til the morning train ride
Everybody sing it now

Primp all night, type all day
Primp all night, type all day
That's right ladies

Driving down the Vegas strip
All alone
The casino signs
Are calling your name
Find me in the seven seat
Having the time of my life
You'd think you'd wanna do the same

Awake from buy-in to bust
Watching the level changes
Chips are splashing down
Beers will be splashing down
Inside you and I
And when the morning comes
And I'll hold all the chicks
'Til the morning train ride
Everybody sing it now

Primp all night, Type all day
Primp all night, Type all day

Driving down to the Bike
All in with my fluffy shirt
The sexy hair
Is calling your name
Find me with big stack
Having the time of my life
You'd think you'd wanna do the same

Awake from buy-in to bust
Watching the level changes
Chips are splashing down
Beers will be splashing down
Inside you and I
And when the morning comes
And I'll hold all the chicks
'Til the morning train ride

Primp all night, Type all day
Primp all night, Type all day
That's right ladies
Primp all night, Type all day
Come on, Come on gutshot draw!
Primp all night
Ah, maybe we can just stay up till the final table
Rounding twenty four hours a day

Awake from buy-in to bust
Watching the level changes
Chips are splashing down
Beers will be splashing down
Inside you and I
And when the morning comes
And I'll hold all the chicks
'Til the morning train ride
Everyone dial-a-shot now!

Primp all night, Type all day
Primp all night, Type all day
Come on, Come on flush draw!
Primp all night, Type all day
That's right ladies
Primp all night, Type all day
Primp all night.

Again my sincere apologies to my lack of musical and parodying skillz. I'll stick to losing at limit O8 and throwing out my back while doing yard work.

Thanks for dropping by, now please remind me next time to just say no when offered prop bets vs. the angry monkey, I never win.

A Pause For Station Identification

Due to passing out several times yesterday without the assistance of alcohol, and a full slate of kids/yardwork related stuff, my songwriting debut will need to wait till Monday (unless I find some bloggers at the tables tonight and a Cap'n Coke in my hand).

A big thank you to the K102 Morning crew of John Hines, Donna, and Muss. I had a great time at the Xcel skating yesterday, even with this half dollar sized blister on my heel.

A Sea of Valium

Mike Tyson’s Punch Out fanatics make an appearance while watching softball. Hint to the dads… IT’S A FUCKIN GAME WHO CARES?!?!?!

Now I can see people that get a little hot under the collar because their game isn’t going as planned or expected. I’m guilty of throwing golf clubs in the past, something I’m not proud of but I’m sure if you traveled to Andover, MN you might find my 3-iron in the middle of a pond at Woodland Creek golf course despite it being there for over five years. But, to get in a coach’s face about playing time; then making it a dick swinging contest? You need help, so I suggest emailing Waffles for anger management techniques during confrontational situations.

Last night took some Lamaze styled breathing, ice chips, a pint of Edy’s Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, a Lifetime special presentation, and a cozy blanky to calm myself down for an unfortunate start (and ending) to playing last night. It began with one AlCanPostHotties IM’ing me the nanosecond after I got Wyatt to bed (which unfortunately contained another surprise this morning) and I managed to register before having to take him back downstairs to sleep under the glow-in-the-dark solar system.

I should have just fallen asleep with him.

They were not “bad beats” just unfortunate placements of cards, and timing. That’s the risk you run while playing 3-4 games at once, especially 6-max. I looked like Shaq trying to string together two successful free-throws for the first hour of play last night. Make one, miss three, make one, miss two, make one ooooooh ooooooh darn he hit a runner runner straight. These are nights that people could resort to flaming other players. Spouting off unintelligent verbal rubber lawn jarts that miss their plastic scoring circle and usually bouncing back to take out their eye (metal jarts >>> wimpy plastic jarts).

The Mookie started and ended for me rather quickly, I barely got to say hi to people before bowing out unceremoniously with QQ vs. QQ. That’s always fun.

The O8 tables were no less kind as I managed to drop $200 in the first 15 minutes of play due to some outs not coming in, and letting a very aggressive ballcap kid run me over with an assortment of rivered flushes and straights. But, I managed to squeak back to even over the course of the last hour and a half with the help of said MENSA Jr. club president showing moves like capping the river on a board with three queens and an ace with KK. For those without Omaholic fever, generally when someone raises you every street and the board shows a pair, or trips, just give the person credit for having trips, a boat, or quads unless you’re playing $15/$30 and above where the players will feign the big hand (correctly) and mostly fold/call down (correctly) when met with resistance.

Then a certain Mr. Speaker must have smelled the blood from my rapidly closing wounds and invited me to partake in a high-ball glass sized HORSE tourney with a special lime twist. I managed to lose all three hands I participated in, what the RNG spat out is inconsequential but stayed with the theme of the evening. In honor of the loss, I shall be breaking my songwriting cherry tomorrow to honor our blogging Adonis in dashing checkerboard Umbros shorts and shin guards.

Be forewarned of my hacking of one the greatest hair band ballads of all time. That, and I’ll be just a little tired since my brother managed to snag me a press pass for an open skate at the Xcel tomorrow morning as part of broadcasting the K102 morning show from there and he needs to leave by a yawn inducing 4 am to set up before we get to fling pucks at former Hobey Baker award winner Robb Stauber.

I couldn’t pass it up.

Thanks for dropping by, now for those who are attending the blogging trek to the city of sin for my birthday please check out April’s latest musings. I am personally up for crashing a local daily tournament (maybe two) and seeing how many residents of Las Vegas we can put on tilt.

The Fog

DP had asked me about the parenting “head fog” he’s had ever since he and the wife have introduced a new soon-to-be degenerate gambler/WSOP champion into the world. From my personal experiences with a parent’s head fog is that it never truly goes away, yet dulls as you get used to the late night story times and changing wet sheets while half-awake.

Parenting sometimes seems like a chore that never gets finished. Some parents never get past the stage of seeing it as “work” and fail to stop and see what rewards you receive from the experience. They yearn for the day that the kid turns 18 so they can boot the little brat out of their house for good. Even if the kid wasn’t part of an “ok-honey-its-that-time-of-the-month-to-get-me-knocked-up-because-I-want-to” type plan, why make two/three people miserable?

At first, yes taking care of the kid is definitely a chore with little rewards of a quick laugh or doing something cute like little flinging oatmeal towards a ceiling fan and distributing the Gerber’s mush throughout the room. The “fog” rolls in as you get used to getting up at any hour of the night to scare away the closet monsters or sooth some new teeth protruding through their gums. But the rewards have been much greater then the little sacrifices we’ve made as parents.

Watching Wyatt and even Kyra learn things on a day to day basis finally made me realize why teachers are so dedicated to a job/career that doesn’t reward as financially as it should. There’s a mental compensation to teaching that you will not find in anyone’s Bank of America checking account but only within the person enjoying the fact this child is learning something from them.

Maybe I’m in the minority in having hope that my child will retain some of my values and teaching (and ignore my advice on playing the bubble on sit-n-go’s correctly). Maybe there’s false hope that they’ll grow up respecting themselves and those around them; eventually turning into sludges that just feed off mom, dad, and whatever is handed to them. But, that won’t prevent me from trying to instill some of my values into them while fighting off the “fog” each day to read Clifford the Big Red Dog or showing Wyatt how to properly field a grounder with a smile.

Much like poker, you can only play the hand to the best of your ability; the end result isn’t final until the chips slide to the victor. Also, you keep playing with the mindset that you’ll win more times then you’ll lose. I think most parents (single or married) feel this way while dragging the little screaming tykes away from the toys department at Target. They may have lost this pot, and will probably end up lecturing the red eyed, pouty adversary on the car ride home, but that night you’ll get that hug good night or a polite please/thank you that makes the parenting worth the uncomfortable five second stares from other shoppers.

Thanks for dropping by, now I should mention that The Mookie at 9pm CST (Full Tilt) is being played tonight with hope that 80 people/bloggers will show up to prevent Al from showing a Krispy Kreme calendar (no I’m not linking it, find it yourself) type picture on his blog Thursday morning. We all want good, clean, NSFW pics so do yourself a favor and show up tonight.

I Am What I Am

To the whinny ball cap kid at the O8 tables last night...

I am a donkey

I am sarcastic when mentioning "poker skills", but I do rock at bankroll management (except of course for my penny slots and foolsball betting fetishes)

I am a chaser when pot odds say so

I am not a nut peddler anymore (don't tell anyone)

I am not "a lady" but my avatar is rather hot

I am an idiot (you at least got that part right)

And next time you feel the need to whine for five minutes straight at least type your air on the table that I "sucked out" at so the whole table will call me down when I hold a nut-nut hand.

Thank you sir for the table image!

Since work is being so kind in keeping me busy, I'll be back tomorrow with some photos of cute kids and maybe a remark or four about returning to the tables after not playing much over the last few months.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you were sitting down for breakfast and suddenly became engrossed with whatever shinny popped up on the screen (Girls Gone Wild: 2 videos for $9.99!!!!) and your cat/dog/rat (for Scurvy) was drinking your milk.

Would you:

a) Just let them continue drinking and get a new glass

b) Just take it away and drink it yourself

c) Throw the animal across the room then shout loudly like Fluffy just stacked you with two pair while holding 93o vs. your aces.

d) Cat on a stick served with a mango salsa

Final Destination

My wife doesn’t enjoy horror flicks but managed to watch this Ali Larter/Stifler movie about kids who cheat death and death decided it ain’t going out like that and comes back to get them in rather gruesome ways. I was eagerly awaiting the requisite shower scene of the whipped cream bikini chick, but was disappointed at the lack of attempts to get her naked.

The theme of the movie puts you into a paranoid state as there are “signs” before each decapitation/explosion/strangling as to how the walking dead will reach their “final destination”. This morning, I saw the signs that today will be one big suck-fest of unfortunate events as my wonderful bagel got burnt, the fat cat decided if he could not have my glass of milk I can’t either, I lost my ID work badge, and this cow-lick hairdo from bed head hell just won’t move when the family is set to take pictures this afternoon.

At least my aces didn’t get cracked.

Yesterday was setting up to be a similar line of killjoy as Carolina managed to choke on both sides of the ball late in the fourth quarter to deplete my last scraps of imaginary sports wagering funds. My Marie Callender pot pie was still cold in the middle and the baby decided it was a good time to test how far she could shoot shit up the back of her diaper again.

Then the Vikes came on and decided to let the SeaChickens work them over on third and long repetitively, only being granted reprieve when there was an overthrown pass on an open receiver.

Then it happened.

Matt Hasselbeck went down on a rolled knee much like the Carson Palmer injury last year and the Seahawks were down to their JV team as Shawn Alexander and Bobby Ingram were still nursing injuries. The Vikes took advantage of the gift and managed to not suck for the remaining two quarters en route to a 31-13 victory that wasn’t expected (but my imaginary sportsbook account loved). You know how you feel after beating someone at the poker tables that shouldn’t have been playing? Its fun, it fattens your wallet, but there’s an emptiness that you didn’t win by outplaying the other player. This win for the Vikes should feel like that, except for the run defense which looked every bit as dominate as they have been all season.

After the Pats at home, the Vikes are looking at a rather soft schedule coming up to potentially get their season back on track.

Speaking of getting back on track, I’ve been playing some significant poker for the first time in many months. The limit O8 tables are a fun exercise in emotional control as the swings are something that isn’t for the faint of heart. I guess playing 6-max on top of that causes even more heartburn then some limp sesame chicken from Leeann Chin’s (normally its very good, must have caught a bad batch). Some 50-60BBs variance swings this weekend have helped to numb the outward emotion I’ve tried to quell when taking “a beat”. Yes, one-outers suck. Yes, it hurts when the board pairs, doom switch thoughts swirl in your head, and on cue the check-caller in middle position gets happy pants and starts spamming his raise button. Yes, it sucks when the wife suddenly tells you some house work needs to be done right in the middle of the football game. Yes, you should just man up and stop looking for signs that it’s going to be a bad session.

Just because your flush didn’t pan out, that race didn’t swing your way, or your delicious cinnamon-raisin bagel became something Wayne Gretzky take a slap shot at, it’s not a sign of imminent death. Move on to the next hand, if Bill Frist decides to let us.

Thanks for dropping by, now please drop by the PPA’s website to see a listing of all the media concerning online poker’s fight to become legalized and regulated. You might be surprised to see who else is against this nanny law type legistation.

And SKOL VIKINGS!

Reasons Sportsbetting is Bad For You

Note to Jake DelHomo of the Carolina Panthers.

For your fan-fuckin-tastic decision to throw an interception down by three on third and goal late in the game.

You're on notice.

A Layer of Frost

Rosey cheeks are a sign of the times to come.




















Packing up the cabin with the hottie next door.


Onwards to the days of indoor games, frozen feet, cabin fever, and the anticipation of yet another WPBT Vegas trip for my birthday.

Note on the upcoming World Series.... The Tigers won when Beltran looked at strike three.

Color Matters

Why in commericals and advertisements the long, dark haired athletically endowed woman most likely comes off as broody and mysterious and the curly, busty blonde is always perky, laughing, and looks like she needs two hands to add up the number of milk cartons in a twin pack?

-----------------------------------------

On a more somber note:

The fall of the Berlin Wall

The break up of The Beatles

Lee and Grant at Appomattox

JFK in Dallas

Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader

Joe Carter homers off Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams

"Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen" Hawkeye goes home

Cortes takes down the Aztecs

The Large PartyPoker banner for Bonus Code: Iggy

All great things must come to an end. May the fish swim swiftly to Full Tilt for you my friend.

Prop Bets On When MGMPoker.com Will Be Launched?

Score another one for the “I’m not to blame for my own actions”.

The excuse 40 years ago should have been dealt with at the time, not after playing hide the salami over the internet and potentially screwing up a high school student, man up and take responsibility. People respect that, deference doesn’t work anymore.

I don’t blame Felicia for the night‘s 15BB loss at the O8 tables just because she’s helped me with my game and got me to love all poker variations. I clicked on the bet button, I clicked to fold, and I was stupid enough to try to push a calling station off his hand when I was 100% sure as to what he had (people still can’t lay down aces regardless of the board). I certainly wouldn’t even have a bankroll if it wasn’t for people like her (GROUP HUG!). The psychological portion of poker would have chewed me up at the speed of a drunk downing a Grand Slam special at Denny’s after last call.

Today, I was conflicted about where I want to go with poker. The Fall Classic is going on at Canterbury and today is the one event I felt was +EV for myself. But, the duties of the 9 to 5’er take precedence over three betting a wrap wheel and flush draw. I’ll chalk it up as “would have been fun”, but not going to jump onto a stingray because I’ll be auditing numbers instead of figuring out pot odds.

Maybe I'll splurge on a higher stakes (for me) tourney online.

Thanks for dropping by, now with the closing of Paradise Poker I have sadly cashed out my play money chips from the sportsbook attached to the ancient online card room. I guess I’ll have to give some unibrowed thug bookie named Bruno my action now since congress believes that placing four team parlay bets is much safer in the mob’s hands. Why aren’t the Nevada sportsbooks trying to get regulation to take bets via the internet? Maybe it would help pay for those $40+ million sportsbook renovations I’ve seen at many casinos and get some more out-of-state players to their casinos via rewards programs.

Badblood spelled out the idea, and I can assure you that I’d make an extra trip to Vegas if I received some discounts due to my play at Harrah’s/MGM’s fictional online casino/card room or could use my online play chips directly at the casino.

Logic seems to be a precious commodity that’s in short supply among the government and gaming community. The big gaming companies already send out mass emails over the tubes declaring specials at their casinos… but to most of these people who receive the emails can’t go and play whenever they want. Wow! Slot tourney at Imperial Palace on this Friday?? I’ll be right there!!

Sigh. Maybe if it was ImperialPalace.com I could make it...

Better act quickly Harrah’s and MGM, because the first company to have a successful regulated online launch will leave the other’s scrambling to keep up.

Edit: New video from APCW!!!!

Golfing From Iraq

It was a tad cold for our golfing group this weekend. A quick stop at the local McDonald’s yielded an upset stomach, upset head, and an upset wallet since I didn’t win the $5 million dollars they advertised by collecting the railroads on the Monopoly board. While going through the drive thru our adversary on the squawk box uttered some words in which we replied faithfully with our order…

Four times.

By the third time I was sure they were preparing a nice T-Bone with a side of twice baked potatoes, fresh crêpes, a mimosa, and eggs benedict. Instead I received a limp Sausage McMuffin instead of the tasty biscuit one that I inquired about four times. I did not return the cheery “good morning” to the window jockey.

As the McMuffin quickly made its way thru my digestive tract, our group of eight waited for the frost to leave the greens before paying for the pleasure of swinging icicles at little round balls that would end up in various woodland areas. It may have been a cold morning, but by the afternoon, the sun was able to defrost a layer of clothing so I was able to blame something else for my horrible drives.

Despite giving away the maximum at the golf course thru various bets, I kept my eye on the home game put on by our friend Rice, who was on leave from Iraq and was the reason we all braved the freezing temps and my four-putts with smiles.

Roast beef, cheeeeeeesy potatoes, queso, chips, beer, a beautiful new poker table, and a horrible KC/Steelers game greeted golfers as we made our way into his basement for a little SnG-action. The poker wasn’t important, but the fact that my friend was still able to be one of the guys despite the working conditions in Iraq amazed me. I truly hope that the scene from Sunday happens again six months from now when he’s discharged back into civilian life. I can go back to cursing my fuckin slice and getting my big slick cracked by his AJo (GOLD! But to be fair I cracked his Kings with AJ earlier in the game…). We can laugh together and point to Larry Johnson trying out a WCW/WWF move on Troy P’s hair during the football game and not worry about insurgents/mortar rounds/secular violence.

I don’t want to know what he’s seen; I didn’t feel it was my place to ask. But rather tried to make my friend feel “normal” for a day by yelling at a golf ball to please not go into the water or having my friends shout for a river King to match the one his hand for defeat my twos and take down the money.

I hope he will go back with a fresh feel for his daughter, wife and friends that he’ll see again.

Hopefully sooner then later.

Thanks for dropping by, now when this guy is done dispatching gangbangers, ho’s, and lottery retailers with his cookie flipper, he might want to turn on a Red Soxs/Yankees-less Sportcenter to see that his favorite major league baseball skipper will no longer be causing stress ulcers for A’s fans.

SKOL-less

The Vikings lost another close one yesterday 17-16 due to their defense only scoring two touchdowns and a safety. Brad Johnson managed to throw some completed passes but couldn’t broach the opponent’s 35 yard line. Chester Taylor ran for 87 yards on 32 carries and Troy Williamson almost caught a 65 yard bomb after beating his defender by 15 yards but managed to look like he trying to haul in a slab of melted butter.

Coach Childress quoted (fictionally) “you could write the same lines about every game we’ve played this year even if we didn’t play!”

You couldn’t be more right coach.

Its tough being a fan of a ballclub that you see potential in, but they don’t seem to put 2+2 together on any given weekend or Monday. But, I’ll be wearing my Helga hat for the 17 weeks of the season even if the Vikes manage to resurrect the ghost of Les Steckel.

SKOL!!!

Anyone see the two big guarantee tourneys on Stars and Full Tilt yesterday?

Wow.

Still rolling, but for how long? I got a phone call about a hand-free bonus promotion for “VIP” players at Absolute. Normally I’d pull the trigger and give them enough play to sedate their raking wishes and pull the money back. But, the fallout of this new law has me gun shy on any sites not backed by the Royal Bank of Scotland or people with funny avatars. Maybe after a few months the stress tics will go away once the government decides on what kind of restrictions they will place upon online poker and the players know exactly what they need to do to get their online Pot Limit Omaha fix.

Wait and see is still working.

This is short and sweet today because frankly my head feels like I just got dragged down by my hair while running full speed. Looks like you got your wish Troy. Ow.

So, I’ll announce right now that I am working with a female right now to ensure departure to the city of sin on my birthday in Decemeber. Monetary funds are the big question mark as the flow of poker dollars has slowed to a crawl recently. Also, the female wishes not to see her boy toy run around at all hours of the day and night with fellow degenerates doing degenerate activities. Of course, I’m carving out time for the MGM mixed game and WPBT tourney but in respect to marital bliss and the fact that we rarely get two seconds together that don’t include the words “diaper” “Candy Land” “potty now!” or “time out” I will be spending the majority of the time in Vegas with her.

But of course leave my birthday late night open for those who wish to see a skinny Minnesotan get hammered while sitting behind five feet of blue one dollar chips while playing Triple Draw and of course shouting SKOL! about 5 million times while cheering on my Vikes at Mandalay Bay on Sunday morning.

Thanks for dropping by, now head on over to April’s site for continuing details for the WPBT Winter Classic. Do we need to take prop bets now on what Speaker will be wearing due to his A’s getting in the way of the Tigers’ express trip to the World Series?

The Beginning

For those with PartyPoker accounts and Monster Freeroll tickets, you are able to cash them in based on the type of ticket you have earned.

I'll report back once I've heard about mini and regular Steps tickets.

Edit:

Dear Drizztdj,
Any unused freerolls you might have had when the Act was signed into law have been converted into cash equivalent amounts. If you had any unused tournament freerolls, you can log in to your PartyAccount and convert them into cash.
For more information please follow the link mentioned below:
(link removed go to the PartyPoker page to find it)

NOTE: Your Account username and password are confidential information. No one from the company will ever ask for your password in a phone call or email. Do not respond to any requests that ask for your password.
Antionette
PartyPoker Customer Care

The link worked very easily, and I got the full amount (IN PLAY CHIPS) equivilent to my ticket's value. This "found" money may sway me to attend the WPBT event in December if I can find enough for the wifey as well.

And if you're a player at Paradise Poker... you'll be blocked from logging on today.

But you're still allowed to play in the casino!!

Bloggers Know Poker

Hwat??

Dear Player,
Noble Poker is inviting you to Discover Omaha - Omaha poker that is!
October is Omaha month and Noble Poker is hosting a $3000 grand prize tournament as well as running weekly $300 Omaha Free Rolls!
The second free roll takes place on October 14th at 12:00 EST, so don't miss out on your chance to win cash and free passes to the $3000 GP Tournament.
The Grand Prize Tournament is set to take place on October 28th. To receive an e-mail reminder on the day of the tournament, click here.
Let your discovery of Omaha begin,
Promotion Manager

Tim Reynolds

I got an idea Tim, how about you just give me the money before you close my account.

Great marketing team you got there especially since I received this email today.



Hi He-Who-Drinks-Cap'nCokes,

With the recent passing of law effecting financial institutions’ transactions with online gaming companies, Sportsbook.com’s parent company, Sportingbet PLC, has decided to stop taking wagers from customers in the US effective immediately.

Does this mean you can’t bet on sports or play blackjack online anymore at Sportsbook.com?

Hell no.

Sportsbook.com is open for business as usual. Better than usual, in fact, see below.
Sportingbet PLC has sold Sportsbook.com to the existing management team and a group of investors who are continuing to run Sportsbook.com just as always—or perhaps even better than before.
So, as always, your transactions remain secure, your details completely confidential and your account safe with eGaming Review’s number one US facing sports book for the second year running-- Sportsbook.com

If you have any questions about this change, please email service@sportsbook.com or call us on 1-800-632-6088.

You can also chat to one of our Live operators right now by going to the following link and clicking on the 'Live Chat' button:

http://www.sportsbook.com/info/help.php

Can anyone decipher the business move made here?

Is It Really Worth The Time?

I'm new to this political thing. Now, I've heard the "vote em' out" theme while choosing a canadiate.

So I decided to read up on the different views of those who wish to nab a job in Washington for the next two or six years. Now most of the candidates gave the “lower taxes” “improve the environment” “STOP EVIL ONLINE GAMBLING” (excuse the outburst) lines while describing their blueprint to preserving the good ol’ US of A.

Doug Williams a U.S. House District 2 Independence Party candidate decided to go a dumbed down George Carlin route while not even answering all the questions. No degrees nor education were listed for Mr. Williams.

(This is from the League of Women Voters Minnesota Voters Guide ’06)

Are market forces sufficient to ensure a clean environment? If not, what regulatory actions would you support?

Doug’s answer: Yes.

I’d like to see someone argue through that War and Peace length answer.

How can immigration policy balance U.S. economic needs, the interests of U.S. works and security?

Doug’s answer: All immigration should be stopped.

Dougie doesn’t like people, a good quality in a Representative.

What are the long and short-term impacts of the deficit on the economy?

Doug’s answer: Inflation and too many worthless dollars.

Wow, why wasn’t Doug selected to step in for Alan Greenspan?

If Social Security and Medicare place significant burdens on future budgets, how would you make up the balance?

Doug’s answer: N/A

Man I’m lovin this politics thing, enthralling conversation about how to keep this country from going into the tank.

What steps, if any, should the government take to make health care more accessible and affordable?

Doug’s answer: Make it mandatory for employers to have health care plans for their employees. Like Wal-Mart, the old man that started the company should be turning over in his grave.

Maybe Doug was mocked by his prom date while wearing the famous blue smock during his cashier duties?

How can civil liberties be preserved while giving our government necessary tools to fight terrorism?

Yes, it’s the peaceful Muslims that are the terrorists. Not (edited out for inappropriate language), eight year olds.

I think Doug’s campaign manager should prep him on such questions a little better, and maybe take away the Mad Dog 20/20 in the brown paper bag and throw in a anger management class or five.

Of course the usual Democrat and Republican candidates have a long smattering of college degrees and accolades (which is good). And this may be an extreme example, but if US voters are supposed to look for alternatives to vote for, is Doug (in a rhetorical sense) really the answer?

Thanks for dropping by, now if I’m supposed to “rock the vote” are there realistically any choices? Reading stuff like this and the same "lower taxes!" "clean up the environment!" broken record that 99% of the candidates have on their TV commericials, really doesn't give someone like myself who is a political greenhorn any reason to choose one or the other. I believe there's many more people like myself, then those who could name all 100 US Senators by political party and state.

Zombies From the Internets

Was the real message from congress on the online gambling ban: “we don’t wanna play nicely with the rest of the world”?

Plot thickens.

I discussed a topic last night with one self-proclaimed shy female geek (but she loves the camera and we love her in front of it!) that has us both longing for a couch potato-y weekend. For the past month or so I have been forced to attend various social functions that included card playing, full viewing of breastal tissue on women, shouting “BOOOOOOOOM HEADSHOT” at total strangers, and an amount of alcohol that was the norm back in the days of Management 101, followed by a nap in the student union during Freshman Composition (can’t you tell?).

Forced. Its torture!

Ah, the days of heading back to the guy’s townhouse after long day of pretending to be a college student, playing co-ed volleyball, busting out a game or four of euchre, and knocking back whatever booze that was scattered across the beaten refrigerator. This was a cycle that lasted almost every weekend and occasionally during the week.

Which brings us to today. Mr. Responsible Parent. Mr. Nine-to-Five. Mr. Can’t-Keep-His-Levis-Up.

While I’m always up for a good time, my body is beginning to reenact the Boston Tea Party after all these weekend get-togethers. The sluggish cold-like symptoms, the falling asleep while playing poker tourneys, the calling your wife by the wrong name during sex (honestly I wouldn’t have any motor skills left to type if that happened), its getting rough on this “old” guy. Throw in a toddler having a nighttime accident once in a while, and a baby demanding nourishment during the single digit hours of the morning before work and you’ve got someone who saunters through the day hoping no one will ask a question that requires more then one brain cell to fire.

This weekend isn’t going to be easier, as my good friend is on leave from his tour in Iraq this week and a house party on Friday combined with a golf/poker night on Sunday will give him maximum time to catch up with the guys.

Come Monday morning, I’ll be clinging to a robotic work day and hope the kids don’t decide it’s “let’s piss off the parents because we can” night. Honestly, I enjoy reading Wyatt his “Little Monsters Go To School” book and staring at the glow-in-the-dark sticker stars and planets (minus Pluto) until they fade enough to wish him pleasant dreams and exit quietly as possible. If you played the Wheatie with me last night, that’s what I was doing while gone for most of the first hour.

If you wonder why you don’t read here about wonderful finishes in MTTs and spectacular cash game results, I just don’t have the energy right now to play (nor am I beyond a barely profitable player). The third dose of adrenaline came over me while pondering a river check-raise or fold for the past two years isn’t there anymore. Granted I still love the game to death, and learn something new every time I play, but the day isn’t long enough to sustain my previous lust for poker. The honeymoon period is over, and now we’re just working out the rules for our relationship. No playing while the kids are up (notable exceptions are made), no playing while tired (sometimes I still fall asleep though), and no capping the river in Stud when the other guy is obviously betting a higher flush then yours.

I believe I finished 15th last night despite dishing out a bad beat early (sorry Mike, but at least the Tigers won!!) on a push with the Filmaff (KJo) when I had to leave to play Daddy Drizz and an hour later eventually tried to steal with T9sOOted running into the monster A6o that flopped a boat. Can you tell I’m going pro next month?

Thanks for dropping by, now that North Korea has decided to shake their military dick at the world (mostly the U.S. of course) while taunting with supposed nuclear weapons, are you prepared for a world of post-nuclear zombies? Or will certain bloggers save us all with their superior Dead Rising skillz?

Edit: Mookie Mookie Moooooooooookie tonight at Full Tilt 9pm CST. I may break my no-caffeine rule if the kids are in bed for this tourney.

Kids Popping Up

DP's recent foray into parenthood has inspired my sister's kid to start making its way into this world sometime this morning/afternoon.

I'll be a uncle by the end of the day, maybe the kid would like some foam dice from my soon-to-be-closed PartyPoker Player's Club account? Which reminds me, I need to clear out those points on t-shirts, cards, and maybe a jacket before they cut off the purchases.

If all goes well at the hospital today, I may try to sneak home to play in the Wheatie tonight and give away more of my quickly depleting funds at PokerStars.

Be back tommorrow when the shock of someone having sex with my baby sister wears off and maybe a few cute, freshly branded kid pics will appear here.

Still Fictionally Angry

If your spouse is being nice to you despite claiming (with good reasons) that she’s tired, do you:

a) Ask why she’s been drinking without you

b) Go along with it, and enjoy the good mood

c) Think of ways to exploit this mood

Maybe it’s because Kyra is finally sleeping thru the night on a regular basis, or that her lazy, degenerate husband has been picking up some slack in the housekeeping department. Or maybe its from taking the 49ers minus the points, the Eagles minus the points with the over in a parlay, and she’s expecting some fallout from this. Since the bet made was fictional, of course the only thing I won was pride in making up the loss fictional funds from the week the Eagles decided to mimic an Enron stock type tanking.

I bear no grudges of course. And her good mood affects my mood.

Kinda.

The fictional bet was made because I live in a country where betting on such sporting contests is bad and making such bets could be considered “against the law”. Despite being old enough to: drink, get married, enter a contract, have sex with Lindsay Lohan in a bathroom stall at the Playboy club in Vegas, drive, smoke, join the Marines, know better but still too young to care (bonus points if you know the song). According to these carefully crafted laws, I’m able to hop on to Youbet.com and blow thousands of dollars on fine equines running in circles (or just down the straight-away if they’re Quarter-horses). As a disclaimer I fully enjoy horse racing and think its great rush to watch your horse hit the last turn and find that burst of speed to leave the pack looking like Tampa Bay’s punt coverage team trying to catch Reggie Bush yesterday.

I am also free to go to Canterbury’s card club and throw plastic discs of various colors to the middle of the green felt and wager on Poker where the likely outcome is some idiot calling the whole way with Ace-rag vs. my pocket Kings and hitting an ace on the river. Being a gentleman I would politely inform the 74 year old with the piss-full adult diaper and sipping his fourth Tom Collins that his play is the reason why I continue to believe poker will be around for awhile, and thank him with a sharp right hook.

Fictionally of course.

If I really wanted to get my gamble on, I’d take a left, instead of a right after exiting Highway 169 south and head to Mystic Lake casino. There I’d keep my erection detection from all the blinking lights and scantly clad waitresses to a minimum by deftly maneuvering through the banks of Mr. Cashman and newest Monopoly variation penny slots.

All legal because I’m over the age of 18 (in Minnesota).


On the internet, my listed age is still the same although some childish ranting happens from time to time on this page and in the chat boxes at various poker sites when the outcome of the board does not favor me.

Do I have to wait for Harrahspoker.com Mr. Senator before I can bludgeon my fictional bankroll with poorly timed bluffs and massive overbetting with overpairs that are already beat? (Yes, I’m aware that they are only trying to curb the flow of money, but they will curb the flow of fish swimming upstream as well)

Are you scared that sites like Full Tilt and PokerStars won’t be willing to share the pie like your contributors are?

Such nearsightedness should be saved for the eye doctor’s office. Put on some glasses and see beyond your own nose, you might be surprised what you see with clearer vision.

End rant.

Vikings. Skol Defense!!!!!

Start rant.

The Raven’s run to the Super Bowl in 2001 should not be a blueprint on how to build a championship team. A rabid fan like myself is starting to treat offensive plays as time to go make some Beer Brats and nachos using Triscuits (its good, trust me). I think BG called Chester Taylor “serviceable” a few weeks ago, this distinction should go for the entire offense. The offense does not gain many yards, they don’t turn over the ball much, and quite frankly they’re eating up valuable clock time for the defense to take a pick for a touchdown.

Lions fans, your team deserved to win and if the line is anywhere near three on December 10th, I’ll be placing a fictional bet on Kitna.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you haven’t been reading the series of posts at UpForPoker about the recent online gambling laws please do yourself a favor read the many well-thought out sentences they have typed.

Oh... Best. Cartoon. Ever. (if you're a gaming geek like me)

CJ, you owe me another $50 I lost playing Razz while watching this.

What's worst?

Naming your kid Vegas because um... that's where she popped up?

or

This.

Gag factor was high after reading that.

Don't Worry, Be Happy?

I’m still at a loss here. Nevermind the buy-in I dumped while playing HORSE at Stars yesterday. I’m speaking of a mental loss, of which I don’t have many left until my mouse sized brain becomes a page in the Guinness Book of World Records.

There’s emails, posts, letters, and IMs floating around with different opinions and interpretations of the new law against online gambling. Things like Lee Jones popping in on my $3/$6 limit game yesterday to reassure my funds were safe, and replying to my email only three hours later.

That’s class folks. And didn't sound like the voice of desparation either.

But, in my email I went another route. I’m sure all the ball cap kids, and WPT fanbois were peppering the fine folks at PokerStars and Full Tilt with emails about their hardly earned funds. “How cuz I paid for college thru stacking donks off they’re sets w/o pker?” were likely type questions plus or minus a few grammar and spelling mistakes from these academic all-stars and future fry guy #2 at the nearest McDonald's.

My email inquired the fact that I wasn’t concerned (entirely) with my relatively meager bankroll at PokerStars, it broached the fact that I’m more concerned about being a fugitive vs. possible loss of internet play money. I know many other writers have little drooling babies, irritable but funny toddlers, and daddy-daddy-I-HAVE-to-have-this-for-school-everyone-has-one tweens and teens.

Are you concerned for them enough to quit?

It racks my brain as I play, not concerned about 3-betting with Jacks, but rather do I need to be concerned about this family value jihad legislation potentially effecting the number of family members that get their mail at my current address.

Or maybe I just need to pour myself a couple Cap’n Cokes, drop my drawers, and chill the fuck out?

It’s a trying time for poker enthusiast such as the people who read here. Whether you actively or passively write about this game (like me), I’d like to gauge your reactions beyond what I’ve read.

So far I’ve heard everything from mass cash outs, to 60s style sit-ins, to online poker Armageddon. I’m not much of a leader since my involvement with poker is giving out a few misplaced metaphors and misplaced bets (well maybe more then a few). But, I do have a voice and I’ll continue to voice my opinion on the subject right or wrong.

Thanks for dropping by, now I’m off to REI for free muffins and water bottles with the kids.

Good Whiskey

This is what writing about the recent anti-online gambing bill should look like.

Well done as always guys.

I'm off for four days, and putting together a little homegame on Saturday to catch up with friends and hopefully not to be seen in an A's shirt or hat on the internet by this weekend.

Go Twins?

The Aftermath

"Gambling from your bedroom or living room or dormitory is not a socially useful activity," according to a statement from the office of Rep. Jim Leach, R-Iowa, who pushed the legislation.

- From Seattle Post

Jerking off to Girls Gone Wild: Sorority House Edition is not a socially useful activity, but people still do it (so I've heard). Hell, sleeping is not a socially useful activity.

Why should people like Leach, Kyl, and Frist-fucker determine what is socially useful or what I do in my bedroom?

Did you guys THINK of the fallout before shoving something like this into law? Maybe check across the pond to see who you'd piss off?

Oh, and Mr. Frist who abhors gambling, nice job taking money from the industry (at #13).

Enough of this at least till next week, I'm ref'ing an 8th grade girls volleyball game today and hoping the glares from the tweens after I call a double hit or lift will put me in a better mood.

Thanks for dropping by, now I hope my friends who are employed by online poker sites are making it thru this with minimal headaches. My prayers go out to you.

Edit: Props to the Big Hurt yesterday. Simply wow. Go BOOF!!!

I Got Frist-ed

One of my favorite reads Kissing Suzy Kolber touched a subject that has bothered probably every sports fan with an IQ above that rock you threw last time you were at your cabin (for urban type people picture throwing a discarded triple latte cup from Starbucks). Today’s Sportcenter has become what MTV morphed into when they decided that actually showing music videos on the music video network was going out of style like leg warmers and Adam Curry’s hair.

The syrupy coating of corporate sugar has improved the looks of the show but leaves you empty much like that four dollar bag of cotton candy at the state fair. COORS LIGHT COLD BLAST!!! DEGREE ALL-IN MOMENT!!! ICY-HOT GROIN INJURY OF THE DAY!!! HOOTERS BIG BUST OF THE DAY (today featuring players fingered by admitted juice-head Jason Grimsley)!! Everything seems to be compartmentalized into (un)funny sections of hawking products or QVC-type personalities trying to get you to buy their opinions instead of a lovely pair of 18K gold wing-shaped earrings for $24.97 available to the first 250 shoppers only!

Bring back the snark, the meast (stolen from KSK, Best. Word. Ever.), and drop most of the crap shock-graphics to put more effort into having a live-type show with errors and actual moments human activity versus a sixty minute teleprompter reading.

Yeah, good morning to you too.

I’m still a little punch drunk from all of the sky is falling readings yesterday (I’m guilty as charged). But thanks to some friends who actually follow politics and understand what happened over the weekend, the online poker Frist-Fucking (2nd best phrase from a couple of fellow bloggers) level has been set back to orange. This is a new realm for me, as I’ve never been personally effected by “family values” type legislation. I’m currently using a combination Lamaze breathing techniques and some Dr. Denis Leary “Shut the Fuck Up” therapy to calm myself into believing that things will be changing versus total prohibition. With any luck people will still be reading this space for a little online poker content.

God help me if I become a gamer again. If you think hand histories are hot-knife-to-the-eye painful to read do you want to hear about how I racked up 55 frags last night? Neither do I.

There was some poker played last night, as I made the unfortunate step in signing up for the Hoy tourney without caring about what was happening. I think $22 could have been spent more wisely on family meal at Old Country Buffet or maybe a new Twins division champs t-shirt (Are we on for the bet Mr. Speaker or do you require training-wheel runs again? Edit: Speaker is in straight up, go Twins!!!!). After my donation I decided to use up my Step three ticket over at Party since they’re ready to slap US players with the ban stick quicker then George Dubyah can say pwned!

After playing in over twenty Step one tourneys ($5) and only "winning" replays, I now hold a $165 ticket to Step four in just one try at the consecutive levels. Go me. Here’s where the going getting murky however. Say the ban is enacted before I’m able to use the ticket, do I get refunded the amount? After seeing Party’s stone age-like customer service in action before has me thinking nay. How about my ticket to the weekly $100K Monster freeroll (which feeds into the $14+ million dollar pool), does that have a cash value since I’m unlikely to be able to play now (weekend are a bitch for me to try to play a tourney)?

Fear not, because when I logged on yesterday there was a 20% reload bonus waiting for me!!! Great work guys, squeeze every Lincoln penny out of US players that you can before slamming the gates.

Assholes.

Thanks for dropping by, now hop on over to the many blogs you see on the right to gauge the reactions from the front line of this Frist-a-rific carnival game of “Dunk the Law”. First person to get their pet moral values project passed wins a prize of Presidential votes from the blue haired church ladies who discuss how gambling is evil…

… while buying a 16 card spread at their weekly bingo and casino night fundraiser.

God bless America.

Highs and Lows

This has me in a bad mood. (From Otis)

This site is the reason why I met all you luckboxes. (Kudos to my new sponsor for this scoop)

This had me in a good mood.

I wish I had a mood for this.

I'm not sure if a chicken-running-with-its-head-cut-off analogy is correct for what's taken place over the weekend. But, I'm baffled on what the hell I'm supposed to do right now about this little hobby of mine and about 15 million other Americans.

This is similar to my accident at work several years ago. For the past almost six years now, I have not been able to drive. A personal freedom that I enjoyed was taken away indefinitely. Because of a bunch of "family values" zealots my one hobby is being threatened (or may be gone already, I'm VERY inept about politics and law). Online poker brought me a little financial freedom due to my ability to read a couple of books and get lucky once in a while.

Personally was never a time of nirvana in which this hobby would become my FICA paying source of income. But, I never thought that someone would mix playing Jacks in middle position versus a bunch of Swedish meth heads with plane-crashing terrorist?

More 2+2 chickens-with-heads-cut-off insanity.

Anyone want to shuttle my handicapable ass to Canterbury around 9pm and get me back home by 10:30-11pm so I can play poker? Thank you Mr. Frist, your knowledge of the inner workings of this thing we call government is about to take away a personal freedom that many of us enjoy because of Ted Steven's tubes.

An open question to Mr. Frist:

Why was this issue so important that you had to "work-around" to get it approved? Do you really think by taking away personal liberties its going to help you become President?

Just a thought from an under educated, handicapped parent.

Edit: Here's a great quote: “Gambling is a serious addiction that undermines the family, dashes dreams and frays the fabric of society,” Dr Frist said. “The bottom line is simple: internet gambling is illegal. Although we can’t monitor every online gambler or regulate offshore gambling, we can police the financial institutions that disregard our laws.”

Sorry Billy, not buying this morally right crap.

Thanks for dropping by, now April's education and ability to speak to people who just know two of the three wings of the government will be able to shine a brighter light on the subject.

WPBT Event Tonight

http://www.eifco.org/WPBT%20banner.swf

WPBT Tourney tonight folks at Full Tilt 8pm CST.

See you there, unless I pass out on the couch again. Sleeping on a twin sized bed isn't exactly a great way to catch up on some z's.


I'm disliking people who think we need to be protected from ourselves. Thank you Mr. Frist, you just made me an active voter this November.