Uff Doh!

*Dick Stockton: I can say without a doubt that was worst display of football this year since Buffalo University took on Sister Mary’s School for the Blind in the Dollar Store.com Toilet Bowl game.

Moose: I guess Rex Grossman and Brad Johnson decided that throwing to their own teammates was too taxing on their arms.

D.S.: The weather here is horrible, some guy with five brats stuffed in his mouth wearing a throw-back Payton jersey slathered with mustard stains garbled something Jim McMahon coming back, and… what is that smell?

Moose: I believe Tony was trying to keep up brat for brat with a local tailgater and had to use the bathroom in the booth before heading back down to the field.

Tony S.: Just a little present for you smug asses in the warm booth! Now let’s break down why the blocking scheme isn’t working for Minnesota today and….

D.S.: Um, I don’t think blocking was really an issue considering the QBs passer ratings were lower then their own age

Moose: Dude, I remember this time Troy threw five interceptions and still got to nail three cheerleaders in Irving’s hotel room, those were the days. I just gotta say these Bears are looking to emulate the 2000-2001 Ravens’ pathetic run to the title. Who the hell wants to watch a pro defense with a JV squad acting as an offense?

Tony S.: Excuse me, my pan pizza just got delivered. You two try to come up with a coherent sentence while I’m freezing my ass off down here in the 5th circle of hell. Wait a second… did you just slander Ray Lewis and my boyz? I gonna shove this stromboli where your antlers don’t shine!

D.S.: Hold those death by mozzarella thoughts Tony, is that the 1978 Shrum Bowl winner Danny Smith coming on the field for the Vikes? Finally, Childress is showing some coaching ability by trotting on a quarterback who’s actually older then Johnson!

* this didn’t happen on the broadcast nor would it and I actually like that team of announcers, but goddamn that game was horrible yesterday and didn’t deserve one of the better NFL announcing crews

Did either team even want to win or were they worried more about hypothermia due to the 15 million cold weather mentions by Fox Sports? Yes, it’s Chicago, its December, its outdoors, so it might not be 75 and Sunny.

Dipshits.

After the way Childress went thru his quarterbacks yesterday I was fully waiting for Touchdown Tommy Kramer, Wade Wilson, or maybe even Gino Torretta to drop by and throw another interception or five. Equally horrible was Grossman throwing for a coma-inducing 34 yards against one of the worst pass defenses in the NFL. Maybe Lovie asked the Fonz about the Bobby Boucher-styled defense before taking down the Vikes 23-13 yesterday. It’s hard to be a fan when there’s nothing to cheer about except random sideline cheerleader shots that aren’t covered up by some stupid overpaid advertising graphic.

Congrats to the Chicago Bears on their NFC North division title, most likely securing home-field advantage until you lose to whatever AFC team decides to not choke during the playoffs, but don’t over look those Seachickens during the NFC title game, having their two skill players back mean a whole different team then the one that lost to the lowly Vikes several weeks ago.

Equally lowly was watching me click on the call button several times last night to be shown a superior hand and watching several chips fly out of my possession. It was a bad mix of getting paid off by short stacks and losing big bets to larger stacks that put a nice sized dent into my recent winnings. But at least I’m only 5,000 Full Tilt points from a coolio hockey jersey!!!!!

Sigh.

Ok, the money for chips and drinks at the MGM has been withdrawn. Three days to live degenerate gambling/boozing, porn hand-outs on the sidewalks, and hopefully a few moments of quiet, relaxing Pai Gow poker with a few friends at 3am.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you didn’t click the link (**links fixed**) to the two-time Hardy Cup winner Danny Smith, head over to Up For Sports (see blog roll under Up For Poker) were some of our internet maestros have combined to write about superior athletic achievements.

When’s Lil’ Otis submitting his weekly picks? Are drink box negotiations still going on?