“I need a birthday present”
Each year for the past three I have spent in the company of this merry band of thieves in Las Vegas.
The first year was spent trying to stay vertical and watching others fall to the Excal wheel. I made the final two tables, but fell with a short stack.
The second year was spent watching myself fall and wondering if the casinos would be the only ones getting my gambling money. I made the final two tables, but fell to a suckout.
This year was spent trying to prove to myself that I can play this game while blowing through tip money for some of the hottest waitresses on the strip. I made the final table, but fell to being unable to shove my money in and one hand (SERIOUS POKER PEOPLE!!!) I’ll open the floor to opinion that I didn’t even consider a third option for.
The day began with the loveable Gracie on my left with her Curious George bust out prize taunting my every move. PokahDave to her left was fortunate enough to view my Pai Gow superiority the evening before as I played the part of PaiGow Pimp by playing behind on April’s and Betty’s hands for about an hour until the killjoy high school principle pit boss came over to squash our fun. Grubby was intent on grabbing any piece of swag on the table to Dave’s left, including open-pushing a hand with about 1,203,764 times the big blind when a free book was announced for the winner of the next pot. I’d hate to see what he’d do for a 50% reload bonus on Full Tilt.
While most people were bounced around the room, I played at two tables the entire time, which made it easy to become friends with my table mates and those well-endowed goddesses in red and gold. Now, prior to the tourney after a slice of some heavenly pizza at Enzo’s (not as good as the slice in Key West, but definitely top 5) with Bobby “Blackjack Hates Me” Bracelet and Linda from Pokerworks (thank you for your stories!!), I broke a twenty into ones for each drink so I’d have enough tip money to last the tourney.
I ran out after six hours into the tourney.
So much for preparation. To be honest I thought I’d be smoking my Gurkha cigar with a shot of whatever at the bar with the bloggers long before that, but I won a key coin flip against a short stack, then tripled up with a push monkey move and didn’t have to show my cards, and next thing I notice we’re setting up for the final table. There’s eight hours of poker play sandwiched within this story but my rum addled mind wasn’t big on details as much as just having good fun with the dealers and table mates.
Sitting on ~45K I wasn’t in horrible shape and could afford to be a little patient, but with the loop costing $14K a piece it was getting close to push and pray territory for many of us. I never got the chance to push and pray, I was never able to open push, I never had cards to call. No one’s fault except the cards just didn’t favor me and when the two short stacks doubled up, I was left in the wind and ended up blind calling the Rooster’s Jacks with whatever trash was in my big blind.
Now… for SERIOUS POKER!!!!1111
Caldwell opens UTG for 14K with the blinds at $2K/$4K/$1K with 40Kish behind, you’re in the money with 13 left, folds around to the hero in the small blind holding AQo with 44K behind. You have a tight-ish image but people recognize that the waitress is now on a first name basis with you after bringing a fresh drink every trip regardless if you finished the first one.
a) Push and take the coin flip figuring he’s not folding a pair (I put him on a range of 88-JJ)
b) Fold (Pussy poker rules!!!)
c) Call for a possible give-and-go on a high card flop but no need to hit a pair
d) Think about What Purple Jesus Would Do and run over him while high stepping into the endzone
I thought about it for a bit and figured with the amount of play left I’d fold for a better spot but wonder if I didn’t give away my shot at the big cash right there.
After going busto, I stumbled over to the Venetian side bar where Al was holding court with a fast drifting Waffles. Received birthday hugs from the hotties, and had a great 30 second debate with Betty Underground while she enjoyed the Hemmingway cigar I brought.
Why was it “odd” to see a woman enjoy a cigar that isn’t a white house intern and was using it in a way the tobacco rollers in the Dominican Republic intended? In any regards that night further entrenched my love for this group as time and time again they know how to present the same activities in Vegas but put a twist on them like you’re looking at a scrambled Rubik Cube. It’s always the same shape, and you might get all the colors aligned, but its never the same way to the solution.
My thanks go out to Falstaff for getting us a tourney that showed a little bit of the high life for us degenerate sort. Congrats to the Rooster (now in Technicolor-Link!) for effectively playing a great tourney game. And many thanks to the poker room staff at the Venetian for their professionalism (maybe a little too far with the strictness but firm and fair is accepted everywhere including while having sex).
Thanks for dropping by, tomorrow “will you smile for a tip?”, “I have two flush draws!!”, “I think he’s a little too drunk for that”.
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