These are words that your girlfriend uses to prevent hurting your feelings to describe your under-sized dick after the best 45 seconds of your life just happened beneath the glow-in-the-dark star stickers in your parent's basement. Those were also words used by the morning radio sportcasters to describe the upcoming Super Bowl contest.
Not epic, not clash of the decade, but a feel-good story against a quarterback savant that will be playing a couple of Sundays from now for the Super Bowl title. And unless there's a Reggie Bush/Kim Karadashian sex tape that magically makes it way to the internets the story line wouldn't be enough to overcome two unanimous first-ballot Hall of Fame quarterbacks facing off. The only thing that could be described as "epic" was the way the Vikings once again lured me and a legion of fans into their clubhouse with hope only to have a series of miscues crush their chances to turn over the Super Bowl futility while losing 31-28 to the Saints.
But, it's not going to happen. Instead 20 years from now I'll be 35 again and remember sitting five feet from my buddy's new 46" plasma screen watching a perfectly knocked 40 yard field goal by Garrett Hartley. As the rum slowly seeps out my body from the game, it still tough to put into words that my favorite team was a fumble, a penalty, a poor pass decision from going to Miami but it's not going to happen.
Favre haters out there will focus on his last throw in the NFC Championship game (deja vu much?), maybe even think of this movie clip from one of my favorite flicks and its not just for Demi Moore in a tight military uniform:
People will forget that it was the delay of game penalty forced his hand a bit but shoulda/coulda/woulda just ran for the 7-8 yards in front of him and bring out the extremely accurate Ryan Longwell for a ~45 yard field goal. And instead of deflecting talk of the horrible interception I'd either be complaning of Gary Anderson 1998 redux or taking the day off from celebrating.
We could point to the equipment manage seemingly lacing the offense's gloves with Astroglide, especially our own Purple Jesus who took fumbling to a new level yesterday and came a field goal away from having those sins absolved. If you look at the stats the Vikes killed the Saints in every category: First downs, rushing yards, passing yards, time of possesion, and the one that glares turnovers.
Without the turnovers the Vikes score at the end of the first half and most likely the second half as well. Instead the Jared Allen jersey is going into the closet until August and Viking fans are left with yet another heartbreak. Good game Vikes, thanks for the exciting season and if Mr. Favre can patch up his body for another season, despite the last throw I'll be awaiting in my purple and gold because whatever the rubes calling into The Powertrip Morning Show on KFAN say this morning he gave us a shot and that is more than anything T-Jack or Rosenfels could have given this team.