“Hon, go ahead and start my engine” she said while close enough to touch lips. Her hazel eyes hid a fire that hasn’t be stoked for awhile, and her hips started moving back and forth much like they did the previous Sunday when the kids slept a little later then usual and the adults had the freedom to not worry about being asked to pour a bowl of Cookie Crisps mid-stroke.
She did a 180 and glancing back over her shoulder walking back down the hallway with a slight devilish smirk on her blushing face. Her lustful actions had me wondering why instead of ejecting her new black lace panties from Victoria Secret out of bed, I was two inches deep in poo with remains of the pepperoni pizza dinner from last night while getting tax deduction number two up and ready for nana and pa’s before work and I had to suffer with a cold car while her vehicle with a heated seats would be as toasty as a summer day in Key West.
I live in exciting times folks.
And with my electronic internet machine spitting out error messages all night I missed all the girly chat about American Idol and no Bodoggie fantabulous overlay tourney but managed to TIVO the aspiring new singers before passing out on the couch. Vista > Drizz.
“Do you want to repair the internet connection?” Yes please.
“Do you want to diagnose the problem?” Yes please.
“Do wish I could serve blow jobs and Cap’n Cokes?” Duh.
Mookie tonight for those who enjoy these blogger tourneys. I’ll be there if I can defeat the evil Microsoft empire and regain my access to hot MILF on dwarf action. And remember, next time you’re at the Minneapolis airport bathroom and need to relieve yourself with the aid of a magazine in shrink wrap with a curly blonde showing too much make-up on the cover of Penthouse, Playboy, or Score?
The ACLU says its ok!
Showing posts with label American Idol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label American Idol. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Will Sanjaya Be Topped?
Its time.
Who's in to the rate the best of the best and the worst of the worst on American Idol tonight?
Who's in to the rate the best of the best and the worst of the worst on American Idol tonight?
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Riding The High Tide In
American Idol was popped on to both my ear's dissatisfaction to receive the fork-on-chalkboard sound of Sanjaya. Excuse me sir, New Kids On the Block called and little Joey wants his outfit back, but keep the inability to hold a tune.
Can you get booted for being the one solid performer on the show? Simon was right to point out that Melinda should quit the Minnesotan-type bashiful "aw' shucks it ain't nuttin'" attitude and acknowledge she is the best without hitting diva territory. Maybe those years as a backup singer have scarred her from blossoming to the performer she could be because she doesn't want to turn into that type of person.
I'm changing careers in a matter of a few weeks and all I'm typing out is some TV show where viewers intend on continuing the joke (except last week where he finally earned his way to move on) of keeping the chameleon of Bangladesh on the show.
Avoidance, misdirection, deep breaths, family time, and some poker and porn sessions will suffice as I saunder through the work day while being viewed as some sort of sick puppy with those cute eyes that make you want to babble some baby talk while scratching its ears. I'm usually one to roll with the punches but taking the frying pan to the face yesterday left a bacon-scented greasy residue and it will take some time to trust again while pouring over my new T.P.S. reports.
Its ironic that I choose yesterday to wear my "company colors" to work, and left the building with a feeling of violation. Don't get me wrong, I'm graceful and actually optomistic about the new position (despite it being a small demotion) but suddeness of the three different departmental meetings yesterday and sitting through them with people casting stares in your direction like you just popped a zit on them, wasn't my idea of a solid work day. Thus ends the work rant, back to business as usual.
On the poker side, I continued my little streak of three final tables in four days with another late cash in a $20 90 man SnG last night. With Matty pointing out that my opponents have managed to defeat the laws of mathematics and lost well over 100 buy ins to $10 and $20 SnGs, I figured my chances were fairly good for a shot at the $500+ pay day. But, the fateful hand came down three handed, and I'd like you weigh your expert opinions if you will (I don't do this often so if you come here for poker content, enjoy):
Blinds 750/1500/100 (ante might be slightly different)
Effective stacks:
Button (the charming, dashing, and frankly looks goofy with his new contacts in, your hero): 68,000
Sharkscope Donkey: 120,000
Push Monkey: 113,500
Reads: Donkey has managed to suckout his way to the final table and the chip lead by hitting several draws after CALLING all-in on three different occassions. But, he has shown the ability to fold to aggression.
Push Monkey was just gifted his stack by another equally large stack by pushing pre-flop with A9o and getting called by 55. He has one move post-flop and that is to push despite having nearly 100BBs.
I raise with a pot bet from the button as I have a couple of times with non-premium hands that are better suited for doubling down at the Rio's six deck blackjack tables, but this time I am looking down at AcKc. Donkey folds, and Push Monkey elects to call.
Flop is: Kd Qc 7d
Push Monkey sees a banana and starts a Tarzan yell while spamming his all-in tab on the betting screen. After watching a couple of other players in the tournament do this with any pair, any draw, and watching this opponent continually shove his chips in like a Maury-show guest that just found out he is the 23rd guy to be tested negative for the trailer trash's kid's paternity do you call here?
Forget range of hands, EV, and that time you walked by the women's dressing room at Kohl's and catching a small glimps of the Lindsay Lohan (pre-preztel stick figure) look-a-like trying on a new bikini, and can you give him credit here for having more than just one pair based upon his inability to keep his dick in his pants?
Do you fold and look for a better spot? We can certainly do so, since our stack size is fairly large with respect to the blinds and eventually you know your opponents will shove pre-flop and race off their chips thus leaving you at a probable 4:1 disadvanage heads-up.
There I wrote about poker again, should suffice until after the mOOOOkie tonight. See you then.
Thanks for dropping by, now I'd like to thank you all for the kind words of encouragement over the past few weeks. The emotional roller coaster has been flatened out by the IMs and comments thus keeping me even keel through the highs and lows, and I'm a better person due to it.
Can you get booted for being the one solid performer on the show? Simon was right to point out that Melinda should quit the Minnesotan-type bashiful "aw' shucks it ain't nuttin'" attitude and acknowledge she is the best without hitting diva territory. Maybe those years as a backup singer have scarred her from blossoming to the performer she could be because she doesn't want to turn into that type of person.
I'm changing careers in a matter of a few weeks and all I'm typing out is some TV show where viewers intend on continuing the joke (except last week where he finally earned his way to move on) of keeping the chameleon of Bangladesh on the show.
Avoidance, misdirection, deep breaths, family time, and some poker and porn sessions will suffice as I saunder through the work day while being viewed as some sort of sick puppy with those cute eyes that make you want to babble some baby talk while scratching its ears. I'm usually one to roll with the punches but taking the frying pan to the face yesterday left a bacon-scented greasy residue and it will take some time to trust again while pouring over my new T.P.S. reports.
Its ironic that I choose yesterday to wear my "company colors" to work, and left the building with a feeling of violation. Don't get me wrong, I'm graceful and actually optomistic about the new position (despite it being a small demotion) but suddeness of the three different departmental meetings yesterday and sitting through them with people casting stares in your direction like you just popped a zit on them, wasn't my idea of a solid work day. Thus ends the work rant, back to business as usual.
On the poker side, I continued my little streak of three final tables in four days with another late cash in a $20 90 man SnG last night. With Matty pointing out that my opponents have managed to defeat the laws of mathematics and lost well over 100 buy ins to $10 and $20 SnGs, I figured my chances were fairly good for a shot at the $500+ pay day. But, the fateful hand came down three handed, and I'd like you weigh your expert opinions if you will (I don't do this often so if you come here for poker content, enjoy):
Blinds 750/1500/100 (ante might be slightly different)
Effective stacks:
Button (the charming, dashing, and frankly looks goofy with his new contacts in, your hero): 68,000
Sharkscope Donkey: 120,000
Push Monkey: 113,500
Reads: Donkey has managed to suckout his way to the final table and the chip lead by hitting several draws after CALLING all-in on three different occassions. But, he has shown the ability to fold to aggression.
Push Monkey was just gifted his stack by another equally large stack by pushing pre-flop with A9o and getting called by 55. He has one move post-flop and that is to push despite having nearly 100BBs.
I raise with a pot bet from the button as I have a couple of times with non-premium hands that are better suited for doubling down at the Rio's six deck blackjack tables, but this time I am looking down at AcKc. Donkey folds, and Push Monkey elects to call.
Flop is: Kd Qc 7d
Push Monkey sees a banana and starts a Tarzan yell while spamming his all-in tab on the betting screen. After watching a couple of other players in the tournament do this with any pair, any draw, and watching this opponent continually shove his chips in like a Maury-show guest that just found out he is the 23rd guy to be tested negative for the trailer trash's kid's paternity do you call here?
Forget range of hands, EV, and that time you walked by the women's dressing room at Kohl's and catching a small glimps of the Lindsay Lohan (pre-preztel stick figure) look-a-like trying on a new bikini, and can you give him credit here for having more than just one pair based upon his inability to keep his dick in his pants?
Do you fold and look for a better spot? We can certainly do so, since our stack size is fairly large with respect to the blinds and eventually you know your opponents will shove pre-flop and race off their chips thus leaving you at a probable 4:1 disadvanage heads-up.
There I wrote about poker again, should suffice until after the mOOOOkie tonight. See you then.
Thanks for dropping by, now I'd like to thank you all for the kind words of encouragement over the past few weeks. The emotional roller coaster has been flatened out by the IMs and comments thus keeping me even keel through the highs and lows, and I'm a better person due to it.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Its Just Like A Post
Sitting down ready to bang out a long post about what the new found freedom feels like, but Sanajay's hair-do finds it wasy in my head and cock-blocks my ability to type.
Why couldn't I get back from my congratulations dinner just five minutes later and have my eyes and ears spared from his erection deflating voice. Like Derek, I just listen to this guy, and my Sanajay tilt goes away.
Four days from Vegas and I'm not excited.
Not pumped.
Sleeping soundly.
No dreams of coming out, doubling down, or shouting PAI GOW dashing in my head
This worries me that I've spent too much on a vacation that will not be relaxing, fun, and without wheelchair races versus the security guys in the high stakes parlors. I do look forward to hooking up with Don and placing my bets for the Vikes and Twinkies (free money for the sportsbook!) while developing a sore neck from admiring the various sizes of breasticles that will be on display.
Or maybe its this cold that's slowing me down while knowing I have about eight articles due over at my poker blog site before I step onto that Northwest flight a-heading out West to land of glitter, sand, and fake breasts. Because I'm a nordic cowboy ba-by.
That was the Dayquil speaking. I'll end this before further embarrassingly bad song segue attempts are put into cyberspace.
Thanks for dropping by, now what's left of my hearing is pleading once again to the american public. Don't. Vote. For. Sanajay.
Why couldn't I get back from my congratulations dinner just five minutes later and have my eyes and ears spared from his erection deflating voice. Like Derek, I just listen to this guy, and my Sanajay tilt goes away.
Four days from Vegas and I'm not excited.
Not pumped.
Sleeping soundly.
No dreams of coming out, doubling down, or shouting PAI GOW dashing in my head
This worries me that I've spent too much on a vacation that will not be relaxing, fun, and without wheelchair races versus the security guys in the high stakes parlors. I do look forward to hooking up with Don and placing my bets for the Vikes and Twinkies (free money for the sportsbook!) while developing a sore neck from admiring the various sizes of breasticles that will be on display.
Or maybe its this cold that's slowing me down while knowing I have about eight articles due over at my poker blog site before I step onto that Northwest flight a-heading out West to land of glitter, sand, and fake breasts. Because I'm a nordic cowboy ba-by.
That was the Dayquil speaking. I'll end this before further embarrassingly bad song segue attempts are put into cyberspace.
Thanks for dropping by, now what's left of my hearing is pleading once again to the american public. Don't. Vote. For. Sanajay.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Things Will Go Your Way
I felt like singing a Wilson Phillips song for BG last night as I feel the pain he’s going through with his job and hope there’s more chicken and frites goodness and less corporate politics in his future. I’ve always been a firm believer in the train of thought that hard work = being rewarded for that work.
This was a poker blog at one time and occasionally I mused about playing, strategy, and how to tilt even while playing $.50/$1 limit hold em or O8. The stakes have been raised, then lowered, then raised, then Fristed, and now I’m in grind mode. Grind does not equal playing ABC poker any longer and my spreadsheet has rewarded me with more ups and downs then found at the Bunny Ranch in Pahrump during the NBA All-Star weekend. The bad part is more variance to stomach; the good part is a steady increase in mobneys.
Did it really take me almost two years to become profitable solely on the cards and not how many raked hands I could blow through? The game has finally changed for me as I actually look back at hands now and become visually disgusted by some of my actions. Sure, I’ll bitch instantly about that “suckout”, but lately I’ve been replaying those hands that I wasted money on bad reads as the bankroll killers.
Twice last night I called down in a spot between two bettors knowing I was in-between the nut low and a strong high hand. Why? Because I had notes on the opponents for being weak and what better way to battle weak players with weak cards right?
** buzzer **
Sorry Johnny, for your stupidity, you just won our complimentary home version of “I've Got A Secret” (not an entirely horrible show on the Game Show Network) in which you tell yourself your secret and giggle for hours while scrolling through high school girls’ MySpace pages convincing yourself you are special enough for Mi$$y69 to be her personal friend.
I know I blamed PokerPeaker’s ability to sit down in an IM chat with me and instantly have some cold deck wipeout my night’s profit ala Macy in the “The Cooler”. The blame was squarely on my small shoulders, for the wasted bets that should never have sent an electronic pulse to Full Tilt’s servers stating “yes I’d like to give the frog icon some money”.
Did I mention I only lost $8 after counting nearly $200 lost in stupid bets/calls? Mental toughness is something I lack when I hear something like Phil’s cat claws-on-chalkboard-performance last night on Idol. If they needed someone to butcher a song and turn the number one show on TV into Billy’s Bar and Grill Thursday Karaoke and $1 tap beer/wings night, I’ll do it for a guest spot on “Girls Next Door” as the playmate’s special, slightly geekish, chalk white personal assistant for the day.
Grotto time, for the sake humanity, will not be aired.
Thanks for dropping by, now cast your votes America… and PLEASE don’t pick that kid Sanjayeyajaeyiuy with the dog chew toy pitched voice. His 15 minutes were up once the sister got the boot.
Edit: Due to laziness and a certain baby's penchant for waking daddy up at 1am... I spaced out on Pauly's latest "Truckin" issue!
1. Slices by Paul McGuire I'd spent most of my time partying hard doing blow with C-List actors while avoiding the daylight and roaming the city late at night during one of the most rowdy benders I'd undertaken in the past few years. We were vampires, sleeping during the days and partying every night until sunrise. I would not crash until 6 AM and by the time I'd wake up, everyone on the East Cast was leaving work for the day... More
2. The Next Block by Joe Speaker The crowd was a stew of unwashed urchins. My kind of people: musicians, writers and hustlers. Feast or famine in this town; the middle class doesn't pass the velvet rope, or lead the newscasts. Sally from Chatsworth is home making fucking meatloaf... More
3. Killing Independent George by Wil Wheaton We played on for another few levels, the clatter of shuffling chips frequently interrupted by the TD announcing the exit of famous actor after famous actor. I will admit that it felt good to be outlasting them., though I will also admit that it was the most Pyhrric of Pyhrric victories: where it really counts in Hollywood, they all have their names on call sheets, while I have mine on a blog... More
4. Everything You Need to Know About Driving in LA by Change100 In order to become a true L.A. driving warrior, you will sometimes have to be the asshole. This doesn't mean you're a bad person -- it only contributes to your overall savviness. By understanding that this attitude is just an unfortunately necessary part of your own survival, inner peace will come much easier... More
5. 15 Seconds by Dan Keston With minimal experience and a microscopic budget, I found a way to make a movie about kids and guns that was not only interesting enough to be one of sixteen selections out of five-thousand entries at the most prestigious festival in the world, but also the topic of a story on NPR and the lovechild of the largest gun lobby in Washington... More
6. Three Strikes and You're In by Dr. Tim Lavalli It was then that I realized I may have made a mistake trying to have a 'break-up' dinner here. Becca's gastronomic creations always put me at ease but ease was not the best place for easily ending a relationship. Besides the vaunted 'do it in public break-up' was a cowardly way out... More
This was a poker blog at one time and occasionally I mused about playing, strategy, and how to tilt even while playing $.50/$1 limit hold em or O8. The stakes have been raised, then lowered, then raised, then Fristed, and now I’m in grind mode. Grind does not equal playing ABC poker any longer and my spreadsheet has rewarded me with more ups and downs then found at the Bunny Ranch in Pahrump during the NBA All-Star weekend. The bad part is more variance to stomach; the good part is a steady increase in mobneys.
Did it really take me almost two years to become profitable solely on the cards and not how many raked hands I could blow through? The game has finally changed for me as I actually look back at hands now and become visually disgusted by some of my actions. Sure, I’ll bitch instantly about that “suckout”, but lately I’ve been replaying those hands that I wasted money on bad reads as the bankroll killers.
Twice last night I called down in a spot between two bettors knowing I was in-between the nut low and a strong high hand. Why? Because I had notes on the opponents for being weak and what better way to battle weak players with weak cards right?
** buzzer **
Sorry Johnny, for your stupidity, you just won our complimentary home version of “I've Got A Secret” (not an entirely horrible show on the Game Show Network) in which you tell yourself your secret and giggle for hours while scrolling through high school girls’ MySpace pages convincing yourself you are special enough for Mi$$y69 to be her personal friend.
I know I blamed PokerPeaker’s ability to sit down in an IM chat with me and instantly have some cold deck wipeout my night’s profit ala Macy in the “The Cooler”. The blame was squarely on my small shoulders, for the wasted bets that should never have sent an electronic pulse to Full Tilt’s servers stating “yes I’d like to give the frog icon some money”.
Did I mention I only lost $8 after counting nearly $200 lost in stupid bets/calls? Mental toughness is something I lack when I hear something like Phil’s cat claws-on-chalkboard-performance last night on Idol. If they needed someone to butcher a song and turn the number one show on TV into Billy’s Bar and Grill Thursday Karaoke and $1 tap beer/wings night, I’ll do it for a guest spot on “Girls Next Door” as the playmate’s special, slightly geekish, chalk white personal assistant for the day.
Grotto time, for the sake humanity, will not be aired.
Thanks for dropping by, now cast your votes America… and PLEASE don’t pick that kid Sanjayeyajaeyiuy with the dog chew toy pitched voice. His 15 minutes were up once the sister got the boot.
Edit: Due to laziness and a certain baby's penchant for waking daddy up at 1am... I spaced out on Pauly's latest "Truckin" issue!
1. Slices by Paul McGuire I'd spent most of my time partying hard doing blow with C-List actors while avoiding the daylight and roaming the city late at night during one of the most rowdy benders I'd undertaken in the past few years. We were vampires, sleeping during the days and partying every night until sunrise. I would not crash until 6 AM and by the time I'd wake up, everyone on the East Cast was leaving work for the day... More
2. The Next Block by Joe Speaker The crowd was a stew of unwashed urchins. My kind of people: musicians, writers and hustlers. Feast or famine in this town; the middle class doesn't pass the velvet rope, or lead the newscasts. Sally from Chatsworth is home making fucking meatloaf... More
3. Killing Independent George by Wil Wheaton We played on for another few levels, the clatter of shuffling chips frequently interrupted by the TD announcing the exit of famous actor after famous actor. I will admit that it felt good to be outlasting them., though I will also admit that it was the most Pyhrric of Pyhrric victories: where it really counts in Hollywood, they all have their names on call sheets, while I have mine on a blog... More
4. Everything You Need to Know About Driving in LA by Change100 In order to become a true L.A. driving warrior, you will sometimes have to be the asshole. This doesn't mean you're a bad person -- it only contributes to your overall savviness. By understanding that this attitude is just an unfortunately necessary part of your own survival, inner peace will come much easier... More
5. 15 Seconds by Dan Keston With minimal experience and a microscopic budget, I found a way to make a movie about kids and guns that was not only interesting enough to be one of sixteen selections out of five-thousand entries at the most prestigious festival in the world, but also the topic of a story on NPR and the lovechild of the largest gun lobby in Washington... More
6. Three Strikes and You're In by Dr. Tim Lavalli It was then that I realized I may have made a mistake trying to have a 'break-up' dinner here. Becca's gastronomic creations always put me at ease but ease was not the best place for easily ending a relationship. Besides the vaunted 'do it in public break-up' was a cowardly way out... More
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
No, That's Not Attractive Ma'am
22?
36?
"I'm 50" (commence crying when she's told no Holly-weird for her and Cookie Monster)
And I'm scarred for life after watching that "Big Bird" on American Idol last night. The slutty blonde could have shown more boob and placed a couple of more jeans rips in strategic places but the nasally singing got her thru, and the boobs.
Any wagers on the winner?
I'd take that lumpy dude from the first audition with the long goatee, Sunshine or Sunray something like that.
Ever get on a hot streak at one site where your Ivey-esque play turns those paper-maiche cards into bricks of gold? At same time, manage to have the seven plagues mentioned in Revelation 15:1 rain down on your cards and watch the swarm of pixelized locusts shredding those precious premium hands even after the money goes in?
I'm very tempted to cash out of Stars once I snag the video iPod from its FPPs store (800 measly points, go go 10 tabling!!) due to my tin foil hat getting crushered each night for the past month, just to make the money back while playing on Full Tilt. But, after much hemming, hawing, whining, and drinking I won't be exiting the online game completely despite our funds becoming about as liquid as your 401 (k) plan at work (see 2+2 for "fees" on getting at your locked Neteller funds as mentioned yesterday). Plus, I'd have to buy a new computer for gaming again after watching the hamsters groan inside of my old PC when I fired up Dark Age of Camelot over the weekend.
I did make a withdrawl from Full Tilt and will report on its journey and success/failure here once the newly minted check is in my paws ready to be spent at Black Bear Casino next month for some live poker action after the annual bowling tournament. Word of advisement to those wishing to remove funds from Full Tilt... minimum amount allowed for a check is $300, far above the usual $50 minimum for Neteller.
Thanks for dropping by, now who ever said Wrestling wasn't a sexy sport... Greco-Roman Herpes anyone? Yuck.
36?
"I'm 50" (commence crying when she's told no Holly-weird for her and Cookie Monster)
And I'm scarred for life after watching that "Big Bird" on American Idol last night. The slutty blonde could have shown more boob and placed a couple of more jeans rips in strategic places but the nasally singing got her thru, and the boobs.
Any wagers on the winner?
I'd take that lumpy dude from the first audition with the long goatee, Sunshine or Sunray something like that.
Ever get on a hot streak at one site where your Ivey-esque play turns those paper-maiche cards into bricks of gold? At same time, manage to have the seven plagues mentioned in Revelation 15:1 rain down on your cards and watch the swarm of pixelized locusts shredding those precious premium hands even after the money goes in?
I'm very tempted to cash out of Stars once I snag the video iPod from its FPPs store (800 measly points, go go 10 tabling!!) due to my tin foil hat getting crushered each night for the past month, just to make the money back while playing on Full Tilt. But, after much hemming, hawing, whining, and drinking I won't be exiting the online game completely despite our funds becoming about as liquid as your 401 (k) plan at work (see 2+2 for "fees" on getting at your locked Neteller funds as mentioned yesterday). Plus, I'd have to buy a new computer for gaming again after watching the hamsters groan inside of my old PC when I fired up Dark Age of Camelot over the weekend.
I did make a withdrawl from Full Tilt and will report on its journey and success/failure here once the newly minted check is in my paws ready to be spent at Black Bear Casino next month for some live poker action after the annual bowling tournament. Word of advisement to those wishing to remove funds from Full Tilt... minimum amount allowed for a check is $300, far above the usual $50 minimum for Neteller.
Thanks for dropping by, now who ever said Wrestling wasn't a sexy sport... Greco-Roman Herpes anyone? Yuck.
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