Handy Discoveries

If you were expecting me to rush to the computer after Sunday's victory over the Lions for a gloat post punish yourselves with watching a complete replay of the Monday Night Football game last night between Baltimore and Cleveland. We won, didn't play well, Lions were the Lions, move on to the SeaChickens. Due to my wife's newly found need for all things athletic, she was playing volleyball late into the night and after the kids were down I found myself playing online poker like it was 2006.

(Sidebar: Last week I went to watch and a rather tall, built in feminine shape that makes guys do a double-take and get slapped for woman was playing the team opposite of my wife. She had, um, consistant wardrobe malfunctions that left an unmistakable view of odd tan lines, one regrettable tramp stamp, and some piece of floss that doubled as panties. The thing I didn't get is she spent the entire night pulling her shorts up knowing that said drafty view was out there. Since this is an all-womens league, who is she trying to show her fake-bake bikini lines to when her husband was there picking her up at the end of the night?)

The weekend with the kids was adventurous to say the least. Yes, normally that is parenting code for OH WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CRYING FOR THE LAST TWENTY HOURS BECAUSE YOU LOST YOUR HAPPY MEAL TOY!!!1111 But this was a good adventure as we trekked to our state capitol for the Minnesota Children's Museum on Saturday (I found out after reading the huge sign with a certain company's logo on the front that every third sunday of the month admission is free, you'd think someone who is familiar with the inner-workings of the aforementioned corporation would have such knowledge).

I never claimed to be smart.

As can be expected on a Saturday afternoon other parents had similar ideas to creatively expanding the minds of their offspring and brought their wunderkinds to a place that will see my children dancing with the exhibits in the future. I thought there would be a magnetic ball that makes your hair stand up and maybe some distorted mirrors to make funny faces at.

Not so.

Everything was hands on for sure (note: load up the purell that is provided). There was a loading dock complete with a two-tier receiving and shipping area so kids on the top could send the blocks they tackled for like the Ray Edwards hit on Stafford this weekend (shown below NOT IN THE HEAD), down to the below receiving area which in turn spun a crank to send the blocks back up a belt.

Fierce children at play

There was a "water world" exhibit that thankfully did not include horrible Kevin Costner movie-lines but rather soapy goodness with bubbles warbling in every direction and more competion for playthings. This time the object of desire were little wooden boats that floated downstream while passing thru a canal complete with locks. Kyra needed a little side discussion of how to throw an elbow properly without the refs seeing it.

After moving thru the wonders of light there was a complete grocery store and Korean restaurant for the kids to grab various plastic items and pay for them with plastic money. I received some kimchi and about five bottles of Dawn dishwashing soap while attempting to brush up on Korean geography with the map provided on the mini-me table set.

In all a good day minus my daughter's ability to spill anything liquid within minutes of being handed those McDonald's milk jugs and Subway's inability to make bread. Really Subway? No bread? It was like going to a strip club with no strippers for the $10 watered down Cokes and 80's hair metal being pumped out at exactly 3:30 minutes a pop. Even the free cookie peace offering was stale as the kids were left to fend off their dad from robbing their chicken nuggets.

Match that with a fairly profitable weekend at the virtual tables of Full Tilt and Waffle-like play at PokerStars, there's a little extra fundage going towards a certain trip in 23 days that I have a few words about later this week. Since this will be my fifth WPBT Vegas trip, there's an excitement I can't explain fully to see all my invisible internet friends once a year but will try.

PLO: I Fail To Suck

Chopped first last night for I don't know how much, but another win and a burnt handle of Captain Morgan.

Thank goodness I have an understanding wife and such good friends. Shit stairway to heaven had to come on while typing this.

Now I'm in tears, I love you all!

It's Late and I'm Tired but...

Wow. Thanks guys, give up for Special K and the Kilted one in their podcast. Already waiting for the next one!!

“Press release”
from bloggers Falstaff and Special K

Gambling Tales Podcast is now available.

Join Falstaff (John Hartness) and Special K (Curtis Krumel) as we take you through the best in lies and legends about gambling today and through the ages. . Show #001 with Badblood and the origins of gambling is available immediately. New shows are scheduled to appear every two weeks. Guests scheduled to appear in future shows include Dr. Pauly, Lee Jones, Dr. David Schwartz (UNLV – Roll the Bones)

The podcast is available at gtpodcast (click on the link please)

RSS Feed: RSS here!!

Available on iTunes here.

It will be searchable on iTunes by the weekend.

Email address for Questions, Comments, and Suggestions: gtpodcast@live.com

Subscribe today!

Bloggers: Become a friend of the podcast (FOP) by posting this information on your blog. Drop us an email with a link to your post and we’ll link to you on the Friends of the Podcast list. See you in Vegas Dec. 10-14!

Mullet Mania

There are no words, no adjectives cool enough to describe this guy.

So I'll let him talk about his mullet instead.




And yes I will be rocking my Jared Allen jersey in Vegas. Hope to get it signed before I go.

Lions, Bengals, and Bears Oh My

Trying to get hyped up for some NFL football to be played this week yet find myself in a weird spot. A dominate home team playing against a team that always keeps the game close no matter how horrible their season is going. A concession about last year, the Vikes should not have won, the Lions should not have gone 0-16. Period.

This year there's reasons to believe such a close game to rely on a flunky-flukey pass interference call or some miracle play should not factor into the outcome. But, the Vikes have been horrible in the second half on Defense while leaning too hard on the offense to bolt down the game after opening up decent halftime leads.

Purple Jesus should nail down a 150+ yard performance, Favre should throw for the minimum but still notch two TDs, and despite Winfield being out (a rube suggestion to sit out one more game, but one that hopefully the injured CB will take) the front four should introduce Stafford to the Metrodome turf no less than five times.

Those are the shoulds, but the Lions will keep this game close so those of you trying to hop on some double-digit line this weekend, beware. Thus, why I don't offer the Nardi brothers +10 as a prop bet. Number of Stafford picks, TV shots of 100% Cheese Free in the stands, mentions of the guy in Purple wearing number four (I'd make this a drinking game but work on Monday would suck), number of dollars Jared Allen will use to bribe the refs after Stafford runs out of the endzone and it goes to instant replay.

Think one up, and I'm game.

Prediction: 34-28 Vikes. Take the points and the over. Daddy always said "fade the public". Those are words to feed to your fattening gambler's wallet.

----

The wife is taking a "girls day" on Saturday thus my pristine parenting skillz will be on display while whipping up chocolate chip waffles and five pounds of bacon for breakfast. The time after breakfast will be spent at one of the following:

Minnesota Children's Museum

Minnesota Zoo

Science Museum of Minnesota

The Works

Expect gushing pictures of said children from a crappy camera on Monday unless we end up in Hennipin County lock-up from starting a bar room brawl at Hooters afterwards.

It Hurts So Good

Image from Time.com/Isaac Brekken AP

No matter much I tried to become uninterested in poker the itch to watch, play, and write about it comes back three-fold everytime. This weekend was working the Sunday Warm-up and Sunday Million at PokerStarsBlog and here I am at 3:00am watching turns of the virtual cards for tens of thousands of dollars and trying to pick apart the game as to who was going to win along with trying to make the play interesting to read (I hope I'm accomplishing that for you readers, if I'm not drop me a line with a suggestion or two).

My picks came in fourth and second, both knocked out by suckouts by the same guy. One was a nut punch for the title and a $66K difference between first and second when the four flush fell on the river after just one hand of heads-up play. To think I was pissed about the rivered flushes over the past month that costed me the maximum of a plane ticket to Vegas, this guy just lost a few cars with enough to get fuzzy dice or one of those cardboard pine trees in the windows of each one.

Knowing in the back of my mind I wanted to watch the donkey slaughterfest at the WSOP Main Event final table, last night started off with supporting my wife's new found committment to getting back into a shape we used to enjoy before spitting out the occupants of the other bedrooms in our current house. While you won't find me downing Herbalife shakes with G540-T muscle max protein shakes with a wheat grass chaser, I've been trying to hit the gym 3-4 days a week minimum. More energy to shake off those late poker nights has been most welcome, not to mention gaining a little self-esteem while tightening the belt.

But to give up breakfast sandwiches, pints of Surly and dozen happy hour wings at 3 Squares? Let's not talk crazy here.

Most of the time if I'm hitting up the gym with my bride its to hop into a "class". Yes, I admit to being one of the two male presences in the aerobic classes. Since balance and stamina are the reason I go, it only made sense to put up with the potential embarrassment of doing poses and pirouettes. Usually we attend a Strike class which consist of kickboxing with weights and a weighted pole (not just the one in my shorts HA!). This class is manliness cubed. You kick, you punch, you grunt, and best of all you sweat a lot.

However I tuck my balls in while hitting up last night's class called "Yoga Fusion". You bend, you twist, you try not to check out which color thong the stripper in the front is wearing that night but fail miserably. Before you ask, no, I leave my Hello Kitty pink leotard in the locker opting for the black one which has a slimming effect.

Essentially its dancing which I hate unless I'm wandering around Chicago looking for a hick bar at 2am with The Rooster and DP after endless beers throughout the day, or celebrating a birthday with a hippie in the middle of Phillie-land.

After getting my groove on (last night the thong was black with a lace trim if you must know) we returned home just in time to pass out from an exhausting day, but wait there's poker on TV! All it took was watching poor Schaffel's bullets go down hard versus the quad kings of Buchman and I was locked in on the Sony for the next 90 minutes. Despite knowing every outcome thanks to wonderful friends who kept us abreast of the going ons of Saturday at the Penn and Teller theater via Twitter and their various media outlets, I soaked up every minute of it.

Every set hitting with baby pairs over the painted pairs, every Ace-Queen that Moon held that turned into gold, ESPN's production crew kicked ass splicing the right images. True, the hard-core poker fan would want more four-bet preflop bluffs and find out how these players really battled their ways to those place changing hands over the 21 hours of play. But, the entertainment value for a card lover like me was there.

Officially the WSOP Main Event ended Monday with Cada defeating unmoving logger from Maryland heads-up after 88 hands, but tonight the fanbois of this game will get closure after watching the hole cards come out on those hands that were not flipped over.

And I'll be watching with an ice pack on my back, as a prolonged Warrior pose didn't agree with my girly muscles last night.

Tonight We Pimp, Tomorrow We Dance!

WSOP Spoiler: Joe Cada is your 2009 WSOP ME Champ.

Now if you were a good blogger/poker fan then you followed along at PokerNews, PokerStarsBlog, Poker From the Rail, or of course the original Dr. Pauly's Tao of Poker as Darvin Gump went up against a seemingly invincible Joe Cada for the title heads-up. Leads changed, fans got more sloshed and what was supposed to last a few hands went the distance as Joe Cada will represent the new face of poker after his 88 hand heads-up victory over the logger from Maryland.

As I'm typing this ESPN has Schaffel getting de-tainted by Buchman's quad kings. Yuck.

And... the 3s-4s-2d hand, ok I definitely see Begs reason for betting and going all-in with the straight and flush draws and two overs but good god, the fold, hor-r-i-b-l-e (but mathmatically correct if you factor the cards, which you shouldn't, still horrible).

----

Anyway... on to the pimping. Its Truckin' time again! Despite being knee deep in the November Nine hoopla at the Rio, Pauly has his monthly blog-zine up on the stands for consumption (which I'll consume after the kids finish off the popcorn and I finally stop chasing flush draws on the NLO8 tables).

Read on folks:


1. The Stoop by Paul McGuire
I convinced him to meet me at shit hole in the East Village instead of stalking the hooker. He showed up to the bar totally rejected, like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and nailed to his forehead... More

2. A Young Man and Road Gambling by Johnny Hughes
One time coming out of Mexico with my pals, we had the cash stashed for the 300 plus miles home. Smuggling rum brilliantly, we had the backseat floorboard covered in bottles of rum. It was brutally cold, and we had our coats over the rum. The guys in the back had their knees up real high, and we got caught... More

3. Brain Storming by Betty Underground
One comment leads to another and like the winding road that brought him to that beach house, we are all over the mountain of topics that are just 'life'. The non-specific, yet charmed, lives of two souls who have a lot of blanks to fill in and it seemed this time I was doing a lot of the filling-in... More

4. Dick-Hole by Bobby Bracelet
Chlamydia is sort of like the strep throat of the genito-urinary system. It's killed by an antibiotic, but while it's there it causes symptoms that really aren't any worse than strep, just more embarrassing because of the area of the body... More

5. The Ride by George Tate
While fueling he noticed a young long hair in a robe and sandals looking much like a scriptural disciple who had begun to walk across the I-10 bridge then down the east bound ramp towards Phoenix... More

WPBT Tournament Details

Quickie since the WSOP media crew is getting their well rest today/tonight after watching some horrible beats and ending with a Gump vs. Cada heads-up match for the bracelet tomorrow.

(side note: I don't recall seeing a final table with so many under pairs and dominated kickers getting there for eliminations, was really pulling for Ivey).

And tonight I'll be on the bag for PokerStars' Sunday Warm-up and Sunday Million. Drop by for the recaps tomorrow morning.

If you are reading here, most likely you either know about the WPBT Winter Classic and have signed up or you've read about the blogger's exploits in our once-a-year gathering of the minds to discuss writing about poker (ok, not really and mostly just a reason to enjoy the faces behind the blogs). The lovely April has the tournament locked down at Caesar's Palace with a rockin' blind structure should I find myself awake at 10am for sign in.

The $100 buy-in tourney starts at noon, so waltz thru this link to check out all the details.

Quick Hits: The Favre Loyality Edition

Quick hits:

I wish I'd found this video before the Packers-Vikes game last week:



Leroy Butler, Kallie Wong, Touchdown Tommy Kramer jerseys? Not on the bandwagon, these people love their teams and kudos for the funny.


- The World Series is over.



That's the sound outside of New York and their fair-weather fans that spread like H1N1 across the country. The Yankees wins their 27th World Series and it feels like Daniel Negreanu just won two buy ins at the PokerStars $0.01/$0.02 tables. This slight does not apply to those for faithfully rooted on their teams during years that they didn't spend over $200 quadrillion dollars to pluck every available superstar off other teams.

Mike and Mike this morning posed a question to a baseball talking head "teamwork" got the Yankees their championship last night. And the bobblehead agreed that's what is was. Bullshit. For all we know the Washington Nationals were the most cohesive team but lacked the bucks to surround true company men like the Yanks did with Posada, Jeter, Mo Rivera (what a monster!), and Cano.

When asked by Ms. Dawn Summers what to think about the dude with the Yankees cap at her poker table, I quipped "he'll probably try to buy every pot".

So congrats on bullying the table sirs, maybe next year you'll just hand out Yankees uniforms to the AL team with bricks of cash at the All-Star game and finish the season with them.

- For the past two weeks I've played a little more poker than I have in probably 6 months time. No idea what brought on the spurt but I played enough to gain SilverStar status at Stars and almost have enough FTPs at Full Tilt for that Mini Cooper. Ok, a camera but its about the size of a Mini Cooper if you were to look at the car from 5 blocks away.

Some takeaways. Instead of "bonus whores" you now run into "points whores". For example there's a Supernova on the tables I frequently play (lower stakes than a player of this status should be playing) who will complain to no end if he/she is not receiving points at the end of each hand (its based on rake, sometimes the pot isn't big enough to rake for a FPP).

Here's a hint sir or ma'am: No one cares. Because here's your playing line for every hand you play: AAXX (Shove stack preflop), Any ace with two wheel cards (limp), Any combination of all broadway cards (limp), all else pot odds be damned, fold. Post flop, you hit you bet, you miss you fold to any bet, no check-raises, no flatting, no floating. Also, NEVER betting without either the current nuts or a wrap draw to said nuts.

Why would I continue to play such tables? There's never a shortage of people who will call or people have a clue and fold button. It might seem pompus to describe this sort of play as I'm prone to bad calls just as much (you'd think I'd learn by now!), as I'll find my fingers clicking call once in a while against one of these super-nits knowing full well my full house/lesser flush is no good.

That makes me an even bigger donk and a leak that needs to be plugged should I continue this 6-8 tabling across two platforms like its 2006. We'll see if the action junkie in me finds its way to the tables after the missus and kids are tucked away for the evening. Despite losing for the past few weeks I've found the challenge to play again fun and with good friends heading off to Vegas today and tomorrow to set up for the WSOP Main Event final table, my poker interest will only heighten from here. Not to mention seeing said friend in a mere five weeks.

Case in point, I finally sat down to watch an entire episode of the WSOP Main Event on ESPN the other night. Pauly nailed the Darvin Gump moniker in his recent recap. I could visualize the logger going over to his wife on the rail after that unexplainable flush over flush hand against Billy Kopp saying "aw shucks Jen-nay I thinks we's gonna win some money".

Play catch up to the TV coverage with the doc's recaps below:

Main Event Day 8 on ESPN - Liquidity Crisis, Mucking Winners, and Down to 18
Main Event Day 7 on ESPN - Donkeys in the Rye
Main Event Day 6.5 on ESPN - Four Heavy Hitters, Jaws of Ivey, and AngryJulie
Main Event Day 5.5 and Day 6 on ESPN - Introducing the DonkeyBomber
Main Event Day 5 on ESPN - ElkY and Happy
Main Event Day 4 on ESPN - Bubbles and the World Series of Ivey
Main Event Day 3 on ESPN - Aussies, Ivey, and No Shake for Hellmuth
Main Event Day 2B on ESPN - A Kinder and Quieter Hellmuth and the Always Aloof Ivey Time
Main Event Day 2A on ESPN - The Fossilman and Costanza Show

Good luck to all making their ways back to Vegas this weekend.

* and sorry if I missed linking you

Measuring the Tenacity of a Three Year Old

This story I told briefly thru a twitter-like status update on Facebook (okay that sentence sounded 15 degrees of social media gone wrong). It sounded better than posting about poker but to keep my card-carrying poker blogger membership I'll write about that latter this week especially after watching my first night episode of the 2009 WSOP Main Event last night.

Me and wife made the executive decision midway thru the kids' grab for candy known as Halloween to split the kids up as she would take little Optimus Prime (sadly my wife turned down the suggestion of going as Megan Fox) back to our place while I would guide the four-layered fairy princess around the short block back to my parent's place. Last year this was a neccessity since the doe-eyed two year old morphed into some kind of Dungeons and Dragons sub-level middle earth creature Wil Wheaton might describe as a dungeonmaster with unlimited hit points and could not be contained without the +8 Pacifier of Rage.

But this year after picking up not one but TWO full-sized candy bars from good friend's parents that still lived in the area since I stopped attending the elementary school four blocks up the road years ago, me and the princess had a nice cool jaunt around the block.

"Can we go to that house Daddy?"

Politeness is something I'm still getting used to as daddy's little girl is growing up a bit (yes, I'm full aware this will change again but I'm going to soak it up while I can). Trying despirately not to trip on her overflowing dress, she approached every lit house alone to give a quick "trick or treat" with a pigtailed smile. For the most part after the first houses she remembered to say thank you eye-to-eye versus a fleeting salutation once the goods were handed over.

Lawn-side bonfires seemed to be in vogue this year as many parents had a spot for a quick warm-up and no driveways to lurch up to retrieve those bite-sized Snickers bars. But for the houses without flames, she would try desperately to reach the doorbell. Unfortunately, despite being tall for her age, she couldn't quite reach the button and would resort to banging on the door even if I could see a disorted shape approaching from the end of the driveway.

On to the last house before reaching nana and pa's home base her $.50 plastic pumpkin is nearly full and I've taken to carrying it before sending her up the last concrete slab pathway to one more piece of candy that will be going to my co-workers the following week. After climbing two steps to the front door she would try again to reach the doorbell to no avail...

... but this time she would have a plan

After three quick hops to hit the button she put down the candy holder and began climbing the lit jack o' lantern in hope of getting the attention of the people inside. Instead she got my attention as I shout to her "NO KYRA, that pumpkin is lit you're going to burn yourself!".

She would give her father an unapproving look and began studying the pumpkin.

After a couple of seconds, the solution appeared.

Just blow out the candle.

So, my daughter went into a squat position and made like a birthday cake presentation and blew out the flames. Since fire was no longer a detour, she promptly took the jagged top of the pumpkin, twisted it, and made an extra step to reach the doorbell to Oz.

After regaining my senses after my jaw dropped at her innovation I told her "No, just knock on the door". This time I was met by my wife's scowl like I just got home covered in stripper glitter smelling like an opened handle of Captain Morgan. Complete with hand on hip, facing me I calmly informed her that there was someone at the door waiting to hand her candy.

This melted the icy stare as she grabbed the bite-sized M & M's thus completing Trick or Treat 2009.

A Mid-Season Letter to Brett Favre

Dear Brett,

Months ago while you were mulling over the return to the NFL in the form of a grizzled union worker to put in 16 years of service with one company only to be forced out by a younger worker and given the opportunity to sign on with their rival corporation to show you still had something to give, a friend of mine sent you a letter. This friend grew up watching your every touchdown bunny hop and following it up with cheers as year in year out you would breathe life into the Vikings most hated rival.

While I haven’t sent a letter to someone I’m not friends with on a personal level since asking Santa Claus many years ago for that Castle Grayskull set complete with trap doors and limited edition Skeletor, I thought it would be therapeutic to fire off a few words to yourself as we’ve reached mid-season of the most exciting Vikings year since 1998. Like Packer fans would gush over their 1996 team that again, you headlined, the team that could have been here in 1998 represented this franchises best shot at breaking into football’s championship circle once and for all. Now, with a record of 7-1 and you probably returning to Mississippi this week for some much needed rest and with any luck ESPN will not be sending a crew down to your estate to give national updates on your switching from Colgate Minty flavor with tartar block to Crest with whitening toothpaste.

Being a Vikings fan since my late Grandpa Gordy could sit me up in front of the blocky RCA with the big channel knobs that only had four, five, nine, and eleven come in to watch the national game-of-the-week after the Catholic church service with an old school purple hat with gold trim when folded over and a Vikings patch in the front. Touchdown Tommy Kramer was my hero on the gridiron. Tossing passes to Sammy White and future NBA analyst and Mrs. Cosby’s husband Ahmad Rashad gave me the first taste of my fanboism for the home team. But the thing is there was no extra spark on those teams in the 80s, sure there was success in the form of Jerry Burns taking over from long time winner Bud Grant but the team sputtered through the decade with no Super Bowl chances. Same thing in the 90s, but the 1998 team had that spark, breaking nearly every offensive team record in the books with a rookie named Randy Moss and semi-retired Randle Cunningham. That season ended with a wide left and head scratching of what might have been if 72 year old Gary Anderson would have iced the game while extending his perfect kicking season and people outside of Atlanta wouldn’t even know what the “Dirty Birds” were all about today.

After that season Culpepper eventually tried to fist pump this team to the next level, but after the Love Boat debacle and a shredded knee that never healed the team’s Super Bowl dreams sailed off with every pinched penny from Red McCombs who was more interested in squeezing money out of a horribly outdated stadium with a long list of journeymen quarterbacks. Still I cheered while rooting for my beloved Purple on every Sunday that wasn’t blacked out. Then came Zygi (OY OY OY!) and his open wallet to acquire talent in the form of Jared Allen, Pat Williams, Antoine Winfield, and Bernard Berrian. The front office got their heads out of their asses and drafted quality starters like Sidney Rice, Percy Harvin, Phil Loadholt, and of course Purple Jesus.

But one thing was missing.

The spark.

That’s where you came in. Despite this glut of talent the team had no band leader to lead them on the big parade. T-Jack wasn’t it, as fans watched each game he played with the same tentativeness of a parent watching a two year old trying to drink milk from an open cup for the first time. We just hoped he wouldn’t spill versus doing something to win .

And win you have. I can’t recall ever having this much fun watching the Vikings as I have for the past two months all while trying to embrace the fact that you “Public Enemy Number One” as coined by John Randle years ago, are a big reason why this team should coast to another NFC North title. This the question I have for you now that the emotional games of defeating your former team for the first time at the Metrodome and running down the visitor’s tunnel at the house that Brett rebuilt have been played and won:

Now that you have given Ted Thompson the proverbial middle finger in the form of two games throwing for seven touchdowns and clutch passes against his club while the defense decided to nap in the second half, what’s your motivation to finish out the season as it has begun?

You, Mr. Favre, have done everything to solidify your spot in Canton and football lore, what is your drive to stand on the 50 yard line of Dolphin Stadium in February 2010 hoisting your second Lombardi Trophy while chatting it up with Jim Nantz about the game’s MVP award as the confetti settles into the playing field.

Even if the above scene never happens and you’re on a plane from New Orleans returning to Winter Park after losing the NFC Championship game, thank you giving this Vikings fan something to watch this year.

Sincerely,

A Fan


P.S. I'm hoping to crash a team party before the year is out and just to shake your hand and say thanks in person.

Review: Guidetopoker.com

While casino play in the pits fuels the fun part of gambling, eventually you need to find a game where you hold the advantage. The house has an edge on every game inside their vaunted ceilings adorned with a taste of Italy, Paris, or Egypt. But, if the gambler doesn’t want to lay his or her fate with the spin of a wheel or the dealer turning over the next card in blackjack, they should find their way to the poker room.

Only playing poker can a person apply their skill and patience while giving themselves an edge over the other players on the felt while controlling your own fate. This author is well aware of bad beats on the river and such but you the player control whether you were in the hand in the first place. Unlike a hand of Pai Gow poker where you set your wager in the circle, separate the cards, and smile at the Asian dealer who just turned over aces full to crush your two pair, playing the cards in front of you (minus the blinds) is always your choice.

Don’t feel good about those aces? Chuck em’
Think that straight is no good versus the seven seat? Into the muck they go.

For those who can’t trek to their local casino or card room there is the online variety that I prefer. Enter a guide to poker bonus offers at guidetopoker.com, a guide for all shapes and sizes of player there’s a multitude of playing guides and a primer on current poker events both live and online.

Long time online players know the best way to beat the rake and improve their chances of a profitable day, week, month, or year is to take advantage of the bonus offers the sites routinely give to new and existing players. Guidetopoker.com has easy to read guides as to how these bonuses work like the PKR Poker bonus vouchers review and Betfair poker bonus review to explain how much play is needed before claiming those freebee chips.

FTC disclaimer: This blogger received compensation for the following review

Bleeding Green and Purple

I can already smell the turpentine waifing over the Minnesota/Wisconsin border from those die hard Packers fans sitting in Lambeau's parking lot in anticipation of their golden boy's homecoming. Many thought the Monday Night Football game played a few weeks ago between these two teams was the bigger of the two battles of Favre vs. the team he held his shoulders for so many years because of the "prestige" of playing in front of Tirico, Gruden, and Jaws in the ESPN booth.

They would be wrong.

When Garnett left the Minnesota Timberwolves it was the last reason waning professional basketball fans had to drop some money on a jaunt down to the Target Center to watch this sport. Only die-hard fans and those who found some ridiculously under priced tickets (I heard some go for five bucks) will pile into downtown Minneapolis to enjoy a pint at Rosen's before watching Kurt Rambis coach Al Jefferson and some other people play basketball for a few hours. There's no hype, little-to-no hope, much like the LA Clippers who seem to curse everything they touch.

But it wasn't Garnett's first game at Boston Gardens that had all the local media a-buzz with excitement of seeing Big Ticket in something other than blue and white with silver trim. No, it didn't hit home that the player who breathed life into this market and sustained it for so many years came out of the visitor's locket room to take the floor against the cache of players the Timberwolves received in trade. Sure some people had JR Rider and newly minted Jefferson jerseys, but as a betting man most fans that night looked upon their departed star with Garnett's number on the back, some even in the green and white hoping he'd finally get that NBA title.

This will be somewhat true on Sunday, fans in Green Bay will see some Purple number fours in the stands but unlike Garnett, Favre didn't leave under the best of terms, nor is he without a couple of world championships. Most likely the stadium will erupt in a mix of jeers and cheers loud enough to rock the houses in Green Bay, there will be several to question his sexuality and every play from the first hand off to Purple Jesus to the last sideline pattern to Rice or Harvin will be scrutinized and justly so. Their hero walked across the picket line into enemy territory where Vikings fans still (non-bandwagon ones at least) still sit uncomfortably at every game watching their nemesis for the past decade and a half pull their team closer to the Super Bowl win they've cheered for.

Defining "game of the season"?

I'd think so.

Call it a "must win" for the Packers if you will since a loss would put them at 4-3 and with their easy part of the schedule done (with the exception of the Bucs the following week and Lions on Turkey Day), they would be two games out with two losses against the Vikes (oohh that sounds sooooooo mom's fresh chocolate chip cookies gooooooood).

SKOL!!!!!

Good Beer, Bad Loss

Quick hits:

Darkness Day at Surly Brewery started for myself around nine a.m. after picking up a McGriddle and a hot chocolate in preparation of standing outside in not-so-warm weather for three hours. I sent a picture to a few bloggers as to the line assembled to purchase the once-a-year bottled Russian Imperial Stout. To give people a visual for those that have visited Walt Disney World, take a line for Space Mountain during the prime time of day, now lay those lines back-to-back five times and you'd come close to amount of people waiting for those wax capped bottles yesterday.

Mind you, each bottle cost $18 at face value but as I gander at Ebay just this morning... yeah $80 plus $15 shipping. I'd love to bring one to the blogger gathering in December for NFL Sunday as there's six bottles sitting in my basement (but one is spoken for and being shipped to Chicago soon). The people out there covent beer as many would fine wine as we chatted it up with a guy who drove from St. Louis to get there by six am. There were so many different styles of brew that I sampled in those three hours before I made the purchase that any lover of beer should make this event even if you're just going to camp out (place number one went to guy from my local liquor store that set up a full camper trailer on Friday afternoon and proceeded to camp overnight like we did for Metallica tickets back in the day).

There were various tents, tables, vendors offering beers from all over and once you were lucky enough to fork over $108 for the 6-pack, there were limit edition Surly beers on tap including its awesome SurlyFest and Smoke blends. And after a few games of bean bags in the parking lot, I left a little over an hour later and people were still an hour away from getting into the brewery's door. Crazy people.

---

On to Sunday, as you know I was working last night at PokerStarsBlog.com but during the day it was a big test for this year's Vikes.

Most people who only saw the highlights on Sportscenter would think OMG FAVRE YOU SUCK, but truth be told if you saw the entire game and thought the Steelers won the game versus the Vikes losing the game you shouldn't be allowed to comment on football in the future. The inane amount of yellow hankies at the Vikes (some earned, some were head-scratching, brick throwing, the-fix-is-on type penalty). The pass offense moved the ball well as the Steelers #1 run D played an excellent game shutting down Purple Jesus but note to cornerbacks who wish to tackle the Purple Messiah in the open field in the future.

Don't.

Get out of his way, say a few hail marys, and allow him to pass or you will get hurt. See the hate crime against Gay below:

BOOM!

The Vikes were rolling in one of the best AFC squad's home field and on a basic level shot themselves in the foot as described on the KFAN morning show. In game they were supposed to absolutely lose, and lose badly they had control of the game after a very slow start in the first quarter. Behind the Saints (who came back down by 21 over an very underrated/unlucky Dolphins team to win), the Vikes should be the #2 team to beat from the NFC after their performance at Heinz Field yesterday after a defense played lock down minus a last minute slant pass in the first half (which Big Ben nailed the opportunity provided), and without their star CB in Winfield.

On a side note, those attempts by Favre got high again as the Peterson/Taylor tandem isn't living up to their hype as the running game has struggled. The hope is by the time January gets here number four's arm is still slinging deep sideline patterns to Rice and Berrian.

If there's such as finding a win in a loss, the Vikes did it yesterday. And regardless of what happens at Lambeau next week, they've passed the test of the season and should be looking for forward to playing some football deep into January.

Review: Guide to Casinos UK

One thing I miss dearly after the UIGEA made it more difficult to deposit funds is sitting down after a long poker session and letting lady luck decide on the fate of my money. Slot machines, blackjack, sic-bo, and Pai Gow Poker all made the cut as to games that my gambling funds made their way towards while playing online casinos.

If you're not familiar with the games mentioned above, you're in luck. Guides to online free sic bo games, and online casino games can be found all in one place. Guidetocasinos.co.uk helps guide the beginning to average punter to the online casinos and their massive bonuses waiting to be plucked at each site. Top ten best online casinos in the realm are represented, William Hill, Virgin, Ladbrokes, and 888.net have their sign up bonuses sitting right on the screen to get you started.

My weakness has always been slot machines, and the progressive amounts on slots like The Godfather, Beach Life, and Cleopatra ranking the multi-million amounts with updates on their jackpots has me wishing for some changes soon. One thing that was relatively new to me is the option of "live dealer" games at these casinos. After checking out the article here, blackjack, roulette, baccarat, and sic-bo are all offered at various online casinos providing a live dealer for the action. Should a person ever doubt the pixelized cards, one could just watch the real thing play out and know there's no difference.

FTC disclaimer: This blogger received compensation for the website review

Glenn Beck Says What?

New post up at the place where poker blogging may roam.

Hop over there to MN Poker Magazine's website take a gander if you will.

Now, I'm not political in the least. I can name my president, vice president, speaker of the house, a few senators and congresspersons. But, when it comes to debating policy and the left-wing/right-wing/X-wing stuff my head get whipped around more than a porn starlet in the middle of a circle jerk.

While getting buff this evening at the local Lifetime Fitness (really, half your membership is paid from just the people watching), I gazed upon the Fox News Channel and something called Glenn Beck appeared on the screen. The only reason I recognized the name was due to some articles in the news recently about him and Otis expressing his displeasure towards the man's antics on more than one occasion.

Now I see why.

Tonight he was conjuring a metaphor using a couple of clips from the movie "The Untouchables". While holding a baseball bat and explaning something about the strong-armed approach of Obama's adminstration towards various issues, he used the scene of De Niro (Capone) walking around of table filled of his underbosses talking teamwork and stopping behind one of them before using hitting a home run while bashing the guy's head in similar to Gallagher ending the life of a watermelon.

Some more ranting went on, cut to the scene with a dead agent on the ground and rant about needing to "take one for the team" continued.

Wow. His show seems like a bad political cartoon come alive. If anyone would like to explain the man's antics so that I could understand such bold statements and analogies, please do so because overboard doesn't seem to be a strong enough adjective.

And next time I'll stick with watching bouncing asses and replays of the World Poker Tour.

Hottest Minnesota Vikings Cheerleader

The wonderful world the internets gave me many choices as to pick the hottest cheerleader of my beloved Minnesota Vikings. Lets take a gander at a sampling of the ladies:

Being a legs man these ladies are pure gold, but not the best

Photo Credit: Katie Cannon / Metromix Twin Cities

And some have some solid assests up top
Picture credit here

Others may prefer an innocent looking redhead

Pic credit: Official MN Vikings Cheerleader site

But I'd rather gaze upon this fresh face anyday of the week SKOL!!

Pimp Bus Rolling Down Waveland Avenue

I think I've found out what Donkeypuncher is really doing with his new Bears tailgating short bus...

Reposted article from Clarified.

1/8th of the girls at a Chicago high school are pregnant.

Well played sir.

Putting On the Tinfoil

Its a very cold November morning, per the usual around these parts. Fall exists only in the minds of calendar builders and those few weeks in October when the leaves change quickly and drop like frost crusted lead balloons (with or without reality show kiddies inside) from the sky. Waking up at 5:00am to trudge 20 minutes up the pot hole filled roads to an arena that is nothing more than four sets of tired wooden bleachers and tin siding slapped together by the care of community leaders that felt the little kids needed to play hockey indoors versus braving the metal wire fencing and frostbitten toes outdoors.

Not to say it wasn't cold inside, as the engineers of the arena streamed the frozen zamboni air straight thru to the confined space with a hand painted #2 in black on its door. You learned to dress before you got there wearing little canoe shaped socks over your blades so the gravel wouldn't burr that sharpening job received at Dave's Sport Shop on Wednesday. Heating was provided by a garage sale special that sat in the upper corner of the locker room that made more noise than provide any comfort.

But, the ice was always perfect. The glass-like smoothness, the lack of water spots, and the ability to dig those steel edges on the surface of the Elk River ice arena without worry of slush made even the newest skater streak a little faster. Sure, your breathe still waifed thru the air with every line-to-line killer and Russian Circle while practicing the rotation from front to back, back to front, crossing over without losing stride, but it wasn't the classroom where bullies picked on those things on your face or inability to hear the pig latin conversation.

This was my time.

There were no state-wide recognition, scholarship offers to any college, or even a picture as the top scorer of the week. Tall and skinny are only good if the back your hockey sweater says "Gretzky", and while there were glimps of skill with countless hours of stickhandling practice, my disablilties would hold me back to just enjoy where I was at. Standing to the side with one padded glove on top of my Christian brothers made stick watching the latest drill play out before mimicing the movements, always waiting for something to be done first so the embarrassment usually felt at school from not hearing the instructions wouldn't spill over to this tin-ladden shield.

There were lapses of course, times of defeat and hearing related blunders that would send me back to my black hole of shutting out the world. Hiding from parents and siblings under a scowl while diving into textbooks on a nightly basis. Friends were near non-existent at the time, only temporary ones popped up for sport seasons then as the participation trophies were handed out at Angeno's Pizza those temporary tattoo kinships washed off before the final station wagon drove home and I returned to the sanctuary of my parent's home.

Looking back while carrying my kids to day care each morning as they aren't old enough yet to feel the cruelness of exclusion based on other's perceived checkpoints for inclusion into their circle of friends, I hope to teach them to be strong enough to be their own self and not let others control their feelings as I did. I know now of the sacrifices my parents made so I could feel whole if just for a 55 minute practice or for those five second of team celebration after managing to put the biscuit in the basket. It wasn't because getting up at the ass-crack of dawn was fun, it was to allow their son a few moments of normallacy in an otherwise shitty situation. Blessed I am to have such parents and only now with two of my own do I reflect and appreciate for their effort versus wallowing in self-pity because certain body parts came out defective.

While I may never completely escape that black hole, there's a light being shown by those I've chosen to surround myself with in the past few years and its with their no-strings-attached friendship that makes my decision to become a parent easier with every non eaten piece of food on the multi-colored Ikea plates and every bedtime hug that will fade as they grow.

Skol for Bier!

After being knocked down by the flu/cold for three days, the rest of the weekend gave a little sunshine to these parts that have already been kissed with frost for two weeks.

Saturday morning waking up without feeling the chills while snacking on a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich was a big improvement over spending the better part of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday under covers with watching Sportscenter re-runs for the better part of the day. Being naturally cold-blooded, a "normal" temperature throws my body out-of-whack and into a pool of suck. After not being sick for a few years, and strangely coming right after I got the flu shot for the first time... online poker was my friend (and foe) while guzzling Vitamin C to get better by the weekend.

After Wyatt's soccer game (and victory over the previously undefeated North Side 00's who's kids decided to voice their displeasure of defeat by throwing their after game juice boxes at the coach) it was time to see a friend who was in the area for some live poker. The drive from Maple Grove to Columbus takes all of 30 minutes and the fall colors in full red/yellow/purple on the side roads before hitting Interstate 35W made the commute a framed view of this beautiful state one more time before the plow attached salt trucks clear the road before two feet of snow causes another delay. Hot chocolate to clear the senses was acquired at Caribou Coffee (not Starbucks, and should you ever visit this state, go there instead and thank yourself for doing so) in Lino Lakes before meeting up with Oh Captain at Running Aces Card Club.

He was there for the Desert Heat playoffs of the Minnesota Poker League for a shot at nine different $2K seats at a tourney in Vegas (Red Rock Casino). Since I was going to rail him for a bit and still needed to get home for my annual Oktoberfest party there was time to play a little $4/$8 with half kill Omaha 8 or better. After chatting it up inside the card club's adjacent conference room that had 15-20 tables of hardened amateurs players from all over the state, I was just about to excuse myself to chase some wheel draws with the AARP crowd (but more likely being drawn to the no commission/no ante Pai Gow table) when a skinny dude with official looking polo shirt walked up and asked if I was playing.

"No, I'm here for my friend" as I was wearing my Binion's Poker Classic shirt.

"How would you like to deal? You get free sodas!".

Oh Captain enjoyed a slight snicker as I went to receive instructions on how to deal (no bridging cards, kicking someone under the table when its their turn to bet is bad etiquette, mumbling something about stealing the blinds of the rock in the seven seat also is in poor taste, etc. etc.). Of course being an ass, I calmly asked what game they would be playing. The instructor trying to be an ass answered "Omaha 8 or Better". I informed him I'd much rather deal that then that stupid two card game but it fell on deaf ears as my table also expressed no desire to play four card bingo.

My newly acquired 100s would have to sit in my money clip at Table 10 for the next three hours as I took great pleasure showing off my non-existant dealing skills (and found out its a little tougher than I thought) to Oh Captian and the nine-handed table. There would be only one bust-out at my table (KK vs. AA) as players started with a friendly 100 big blinds and 25 minute fairly slow rising levels. Oh Captain couldn't get much steam going and busted out shortly after I had returned home to set the brats into the slow cooked sauerkraut, but of course he managed to snap a picture of me before I took off without laying one bet on the tables.

---

Party interlude. It was fun, crowded, fun, and there was food. Maybe beer and food. Lots of food and beer with more food. Sehr gut ya!

Best. Party. Recap. Ever.

---

After my wife refused to acknowledge our trashed home, I set out for the first two hours of Sunday morning cleaning up the residue of last night's bonfire and booze with two less chairs that broke and became firewood and one less spouse that cursed every ray of sunshine coming thru our treatment-less new energy efficient windows. Luckily for her my daughter found a three hour long Strawberry Shortcake DVD to play at sizable volumes in the bedroom to help her break into this BERRY-GOOD DAY!

Any NFL Sunday is a good day, even the bye week because there is football viewing and beer. Well, except I had no desire to even look at the tasty leftover hop-fest in my fridge but at least the football was pleasing despite the outcome. The Vikes played like Super Bowl favorites for exactly one quarter, dominating the Ravens on both sides of the ball and slicing thru Ray Ray and company in the starting quarter as if they were the Lions/Rams/Tampa Breeze. But in a huge twist to the first five games they got horribly out played in the second half as the Vikes defense went to prevent mode with star CB Winfield out with a foot injury and prevented exactly nothing while giving up 21 points, most from by an unstoppable Ray Rice who notched together a whopping seven yards in the first half.

Down 31-30 Favre hit Sidney Rice on a deep slant pattern and Chilly ran the ball into the ground for three downs instead of trying to punch it in from the 20 (bad bad bad), Longwell nailed the kick to go up 33-31. If you watched Sportscenter, Sunday Night Football, etc. etc. you probably saw Flacco rally the Ravens down the field with two minutes left leaving a 44 yard kick for the win and a glum Favre on the sidelines who had to have T-Jack explain to him that the oblong pigskin kicked by Hauschka did not split the uprights as the endzone crowd on the left knew it missed right away but the crowd on the right looked like it was ready to throw their $8 flat beers in disgust of a wasted victory.

A good win? Perhaps for three quarters but the glaring absence of Winfield in the defensive backfield exposed a young CB crew and how important he is to plugging holes for the usually shut-down run D. Hats off to Flacco for taking full advantage of the worn out defense. A big boo to the CBS crew for missing the homecoming story of Matt Birk, didn't hear one peep of our former stalwart at Center returning to the Metrodome as per the usual they were too busy coming up with Favre quotes to blend in the real stories of the game. Trust me, I'm loving that he's here as having a competent quarterback has changed the outlook of the season ten-fold but STOP SUCKING HIS DICK THROUGH THE WHOLE TELECAST!

Now if you'll excuse me I'll be needing to stock up on Purple paper bags for the next two weeks with Mean Gene's Steelers and another epic meeting with those lowly Packers at Lambeau. If they split these games the Vikes are for real, stamp them as NFC front-runners with the Giants and godly offense of the Saints. SKOL!!!!

BettingChoice UK Site Review

This being Sunday afternoon with my beloved Minnesota Vikings marching up and down the field on the Ravens during the early National Football league games, my mind wanders to my favorite to do while watching the games. True, having a pint or three of Surly would rank up there but having a few bucks on the game make it even more fun to root on the Purple.

As we skip across the pond there’s a place where degenerates and weekend punters alike can get their gamble on to all sorts of sporting and just about anything you’d like to lay a wager on. Enter BettingChoice UK with their online sportsbook betting tips and a well-kept front page of information to guide the bettor to the best UK betting sites out there. On the top left you’ll find “Top 10 Best Offers” for deposit bonuses to sites like William Hill and Ladbrokes. Scrolling down a bit is a step-ladder index to the various sports they offer guides to betting on such as golf betting tips and rugby betting tips. Checking out the golfing tips one can find articles from Scott O’Brian and Alan Benders on European Tour and PGA Tour events (here’s a quick hint I hear that Eldrick Woods guy is known to win once in a while).

Horse Racing, Cricket, Football (note to US bettors, this is soccer not the game you’re watching onthe Red Zone Channel) guides in an all-inclusive spot to give you an edge and hopefully drop a few Dollars/Pounds/Euros back in your pockets with more informed bets.

FTC disclosure: This blogger received compensation for the following review

Something Else Matters

Common sense.

Many would claim people of this country have lost it somewhere between its nanny state laws and people who dress themselves to shop at WalMart. Take for example this Delaware 1st grader who got slapped with a 45 day suspension because he brought his favorite camping utensil to school. No it was not a three-prong hot dog/marshmellow campfire fork with sharp points for potential intestines-on-a-stick accidents.

Much worse as described by Jennifer Jankowski a Special Ed teacher at the school in the AP article:

Jennifer Jankowski, who runs the special education programs at Jennie Smith
Elementary in Newark, said schools need to be vigilant about protecting
students. If Zachary or another student had been hurt by the knife, she said,
the district would have taken the blame.

"If we can't punish him, then what about kids that did bring (a weapon) for
bad things?" Jankowski said. "There's more to the school's side than just us
being mean and not taking this child's interests into account."

I doubt there's much debate if some kid is flashing some brass knuckles or daddy's homemade pipe bomb there's should be a sense of urgency about disarming the student before the kids learn the words explosion and concussion. Common sense.

No, Miss/Mrs. Jankowski is up in arms because the school shouldn't have to make judgement calls when it comes to a kid bringing in a retractable utensil tool to eat with (probably similar to one shown here) versus a weapon like ones shown here. Granted the article does not explain if the student got stabby with the kid who received her fifth straight Outstanding mark on the paper-mache planet she built versus his Satisfactory grade but we'll give six year old Zack the benefit of the doubt for now unless TMZ comes up with some sorrid history of him smoking crack rocks with Lohan and Winehouse before nap time in Kindergarten last year.

Oy.

Similar lapses in common sense found this sick blogger at a packed Target Center (and I mean PACKED, no seat left empty all the way to the rafters and probably eclipsed the season attendance of the Minnesota Lynx) last night to strain his neck to the sweet melody of Metallica's Death Magnetic tour.

Its been over ten years, two kids, one four to five year span of remembering very little, three houses since I last saw Hetfield and crew tear up the stage in a pasture somewhere near a river in Wisconsin, or was it the Metrodome?

My memory sucks and do not expect a Dr. Pauly or Coventry-esque replay of the concert here. I am not an avid concert go'er anymore but it was damn fun last night to not only see my favorite band live again, but to people watch.

My body felt the chills of the first strums of Ride the Lightning, the roller-coaster of One complete with pyrotechnics, and the sorrow of Nothing Else Matters. I was forced back to deeper, darker points in my life where the guitar riffs of Cliff Burton (r.i.p.) and booming drum slides of Lars played out on my ghetto blaster that I religiously saved my Target paychecks for, to get thru the day. Self-loathing came easy for a person who had zero self-esteem, the inward struggle to finish that calculus homework just to get mercilessly teased the next day thanks to my nerdy/preppy/jock outward appearance that never caught on and tentative communication skills thanks to my partial deafness.

I closed my eyes several times last night to reach for those repressed memories but they are all but gone since there's more important things in life to reflect on, like the donkey boy in the skin tight coucert T that kept wandering in and out of the aisle tripping balls on a mix of flat beer/pot/his skanky girlfriends overuse of perfume.

Black shirts were of course the norm, some sporting The Misfits, and the seemingly buff crowd where over half proclaimed this to be their first show when asked by Hetfield, were donning the cliqued Affliction garb. Seven rows down below me on the floor was the mosh pit that in younger days I had participated in while letting out all anger to bands like Pantera and Rage Against the Machine. Shaking my head at yet more youthful stupidity as I watched more than one crowd surfing chick get dumped on her head as the mix of shirtless Tyler Durden/Brock Lesnar types blindsided each other with flying elbows to the mid-section.

Maturity and a bout of what might be the flu kept me in my seat to watch the aging band take life one more time with its encore of Seek and Destroy after several inflatable balls shot out of the tops of the stadium and this writer was snapped out of the dream scene, placed back into the present by more idiots getting carted off by the powder blue shirts of the Minneapolis Police.

Slowly my legs muscles which atrophied after standing for over two hour allowed myself to head back up the concrete steps out to my metallic green Chevy which thankfully was spared from any raging metalheads and took me back home to a softly snoring wife and to a better place wherever I may roam from here (Ok, I had to get at least one song in there!).

Peace.

Purple Prelude Over

Due to viral and unknown attacks to my body these past few days, the Vikings/Twins recap (or endcap for the Twins) that was written in my head (dude, it was soooooo choice) did not get put out to these pages until now. Or it could have been laughing too hard at the People of WalMart website. Some of those pics are worse than the 2 girls 1 cup (NOT LINKING IT!) video from last year, but these future Jerry Springer guests are all worth a good laugh.

And since I'm more concerned with downing five gallons of Vitamin C for the next 24 hours the awesomeness of those words will forever be embedded on the semi-rigid pillow in my bedroom that I passed out on while trying to stay up for the entertaining Jets/Dolphins game (excellent ending as shown on Sportscenter this morning).

On to the Vikes.

This week's game went as planned, they started off quickly and coasted to a win over this year's favorite to go 0-16 as the horrible St. Louis Rams were overmatched as they have been all year on both sides of the ball. Jared Allen collected more sack pelts and a touchdown as Favre threw at a 75% completion chip but was showing a bit of the wild side with more downfield passes and one head-scratching interception. That luxury of freebee give-a-aways is gone as the next three games on the Purple's schedule will determine if the team is real or just posing as a Super Bowl contender.

First, a very pissed off Ray Lewis and Terrell Suggs visit the Metrodome this week. After losing to the Pats by way of pussy-footing Brady whinning like a 3-year old who didn't get the Barbie goes to Starbucks playset complete with the hot 19-year old History major as a barista and usable foam machine when he didn't get the "please don't breathe on my knees" call from the ref, then the flag was thrown and Dreamboat led the cheaters to a win. Last week the Bengals (no Bungles this year, especially with that red-hot D) scored in the last minute to yank another win from Ravens who come into the Twin Cities at 3 and 2. Matt Birk is coming home (miss him), Flacco is solid at QB, Ray Rice is heading up a stacked running back core with McGahee and McClain in the winds, and of course what will be the talk of most announcers this week is the defense.

You'll hear "defensive struggle" on the pregame shows because both sides have built their recent seasons on defense and will continue to do so. But, the Vikes' run D hasn't been as sharp as in recent years when they nearly broke the NFL record for least amount of run yards allowed in a season. But the flip side to that is more pressure on the quarterback as shown by the front four piling up sacks.

Should the Vikes come out of this nasty three game stretch (Pittsburgh at Heinz Field and what's sure to be another epic game Favre's return to Lambeau) before the bye week with a 2-1 record stamp this team as a favorite to head deep into the postseason. 1-2 or *puke* 0-3 and the prelude to the season was a bunch of smoke and mirrors to merchandise Favre as much as possible to get a new stadium (as seen by this Favre commemorative football as admonished on a Packer's fan site they've been hawking on TV like a desperate Wall Street trader on his last vile of coke and needs to close a seven figure trade by the bell or he loses his wife, stripper girlfriend, two Bentleys, and summer home in the Hamptons). I don't know who would gag more at the sight of that ball, lifelong Packer fans seeing all of Favre's PACKERS accomplishments sprayed across the Purple and Gold, or Vikes fans as being victim of several of those wins.

A-B-C Vikes, Always Be Closing. Get it done.

Rock Em', Sock Em, Fight, Fight, Fight

There's some poker on Tee-Vee tonight as Father Andrew Trapp will be taking on a Team PokerStars Pros for a shot at $1 Million today in the PokerStars Million Dollar Challenge.

Check out the video below:


Watch Million Dollar Challenge on PokerStars.tv

But, first its NFL Sunday!! For Vikings fans we're hoping for a continuation of the tide, and no injuries against the woefully bad St. Louis Rams. A trap game the pundits are calling it, I call it a reason to sport my new fanboi acquired Jared Allen jersey that I ordered at the beginning of the season. No sack dances today as last night I played in a softball tourney in 35 degree weather, while that may seem fine to our friends to the north, the temp is in fahrenheit. Add on a 20 mph wind and just gripping the ball to pitch became a chore. But, a recollection of day's past when spending a day or a weekend at a sports bar with two sweat soaked uniforms and a dozen empty Miller Lite pitchers on circular raised tables was the preferred way to enjoy a weekend.

Now, older, wiser, and body feeling like a Packer's offensive lineman from last week this morning, sitting reclined with Wyatt munching on Fruit Loops while Casey Kasem revives his role of Shaggy on Scooby Doo's adventures seems like a safer play...


... at least until it SKOL TIME!!!!

Minnesota State Poker Tour Launch

Usually my Thursday nights are set for dusting off a few bucks online in the name of drinks and having fun while playing poker. Omaha, Texas Holdem, Badugi, H.O.R.S.E., High card 4 rollz it doesn't matter along as the dollar amount attached to the tournament is in the single digits or the first number is uno, I'll pull it up and start grinding my way to decent steak with yukon gold potatoes at Pittsburgh Blue.

Usually, a break-even night is in the cards with the occasional final table run that leaves my fledgling-sized online bankroll with up-tick. Am I spinning my wheels by not playing up? That question has been broached more than neccesary here as the degenerate in me wants to take a chuck of those bucks and throw it at a sizable tourney (a Sunday Major or $50-$200 PLO8 MTT) but the realist in me knows that with two kids, a wife, and now three blogs to contribute to, actually playing poker takes a back seat to spending more time throwing new analogies and adjectives at each bad beat versus actually receiving those beats.

Good news to other Minnesota-based poker players who actually HAVE a bankroll after playing the Midwest Poker Classic that just concluded last week, and the starting today Fall Poker Classic at Canterbury Park . Phil Mackey and Bryan Mileski the co-owners of Minnesota Poker Magazine have set up the Minnesota State Poker Tour complete with qualifers and bracelet events in the state's best poker rooms starting with Canterbury Park on Decemeber 9th-14th

Check out the media release below for more information on this excellent opportunity to meet your fellow frozen state rounders on the indoor felts and hopefully trim a few bucks off them while walking away with a shiny piece of wrist jewelry:

Bracelet Events Have Arrived in Minnesota with Launch of Minnesota State Poker Tour

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Minnesota Poker Magazine, LLC today announced the launch of the Minnesota State Poker Tour (MSPT), a series of six $1,000+$100 buy-in, deep stack Texas Hold’em tournaments to be held at six separate locations throughout Minnesota in 2010. The winner of each event will be awarded a customized diamond bracelet to go along with the first place cash prize. A “Tour Launch” bracelet event will be held at Canterbury Park from December 9-14, 2009.

TOUR LAUNCH (Bracelet Event)

Canterbury Park
Shakopee, MN
December 9-14, 2009

* Two-day Main Event begins on Sunday, December 13
SEASON 1 (Bracelet Events)*

Grand Casino Mille Lacs
Onamia, MN
February

Running Aces Harness Park
Columbus, MN
April 7-12

Northern Lights Casino
Walker, MN
June 9-13

Jackpot Junction
Morton, MN
July

Grand Casino Hinckley
Hinckley, MN
November

Canterbury Park
Shakopee, MN
December 8-13

* Subject to change

The MSPT Main Event structure is extremely player-friendly. Blinds will increase every 50 minutes and players will start with $15,000 in tournament chips.

$220+$30 buy-in qualifying satellites will be held in the week(s) leading up to MSPT main events. With these MSPT bracelet events, the prestige of poker in Minnesota will certainly be elevated to an entirely new level.

Minnesota Poker Magazine, owned by Bryan Mileski and Phil Mackey, is a monthly publication designed to shine a spotlight on one of America's up-and-coming poker hotbeds. Approximately 450,000 Minnesotans play poker on at least a semi-regular basis.

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For more information, visit www.MinnesotaStatePokerTour.com

The Outgoing Plumber

Jerry came by yesterday.

He held an oversized work belt around his Rio World buffet-sized waist that sort-of shifted with each labored step. A kind yet saddened smile of someone working for the man versus getting a true paycheck of a professional plumber. He spoke softly while resting the clipboard on top of the stretched Roto-Rooter uniform of jotted down actions he would take upon our clogged water lines. His handshake was firm as the hand dwarfed my own feeling calloused from years of hauling the various seemingly heavy equipment up and down the steps of homeowners who had no choice but to bend over the knee of a stuck piece of PVC tubing and leave a blank check.

Houses do not run well without flowing water unless your the Ingalls family.

While Jerry wrote down a number that I was comfortable with on the order form filled out in triplicates, I solemnly signed away $400 that was necessary to get the boy back into his bedroom without fear of slogging though backed up sewage on the way upstairs. The corporate plumber dig thru the muck that could have left by the previous owner of the home who built the place back in the 70s but allowed time and divorce to rot away some features that our family have brought back. Then again, my daughter's amusement with watching a half roll of squeezable Charmin swirl down the porcelain whirlpool with each flush was a more likely suspect.

When asked about future clogs after his seemingly professional job (and expensive 1.5 hours of work), Jerry just shrugged and tried to come up with a sell up to various company sold product descriptions and "add-on" services but instead stuck with pointing his workmen fingers at the glossy brochure laced with "yeps" and head nods. One thing about living with a hearing disability has forced me to do over the years (and its a BIG thing while playing live poker) is to pay close attention to non-verbal clues. Granted my bionic ears allow to hear more words and cute "Go Mi-Kings!" from my little cheerleader, I still find myself pouring over hand and eye, shoulders, stance, feet, and face movements as if I was a human lie detector.

From my brief moments speaking with Jerry, I could tell he wasn't comfortable trying to up-sell me on additional products that he was not full knowledgable about yet could perform if I opted to allow the stammering description. Granted, I'm sure he an honest guy as he gave no tells of being a corporate huckster looking to make a bonus for selling twenty gallons of Super Industrial Drain-B-Gone, just very careful about trying to cross-over into salesmen territory as I peppered the first questions at him I'd had about my piping since getting the snip.

*shudder*

His out was "someone will probably call you about getting a camera down there to see if there's a bigger problem beyond the 25 feet I cleared". The cue was to let Jerry off the hook as me and the wife flushed the toilets at the same time while running bathtub water and nary a drop hit the laundry room floor. Job complete, let the man go enjoy the evening lineup on CMT and wait for the dreaded sales call.

Backed-Up Victory

While watching the incredible game on TBS (in HD of course, truly a gift to watch sports again) and reading Otis' short fiction story on a booze-runner in South Carolina (go read about Lettuce and Libertyville here, I suggest having a beer or slow high ball glass with your favorite alcohol neat while reading to soak it in) while the see-saw battle between the Minnesota Twins and Detroit Lions Tigers played to a bouncing single between first and second base with Carlos "I'm too fast for these shoes" Gomez scoring well ahead of the throw, my wife who was supposed to be leaving for a short night work shift was yelling from the basement...

... which had a bit water on the floor

Several months ago my princess of a daughter, cute, funny, smile that makes you melt, decided the toilet was a solid choice to drop her plastic Happy Meal toy from McDonald's (OMG THERE'S MONOPOLY TO PLAY GO NOW GET FAT FOR THE PURSUIT OF BOARDWALK!!!!). Flushing sometimes gave a groan of dropping out a 42oz Porterhouse steak the next day, but the pipes seem to make peace with the 14 cent toy.

Until last night.

When the carpeting in the laundry room got soaked as we shop-vac'd our little hearts out as the sewage backed up in the adjacent shower and washer, dumping out said contents with rain beating down outside. Fun. Taking a verbal beating from a frantic wife while she's supposed to be serving senior citizens sugar free cookies and strong coffee at a virtual tour of lower Zimbabwe, there was the throwing out of the carpeting in the mud while it held a lovely stuck on scent of mystery liquids to its duPont microfabrics.

Instead of a point and laugh post at the Tiggers excellent job of reviving the 2007 Mets, or describing Favregasm II with Jared Allen co-staring as the stunt dick to beat down that colander-like Packers front line and give Aaron Rodgers (who I thought was the better quarterback that night considering the .4 seconds he was given to throw the ball when he wasn't on his back) another beat-down, you get a very short story of where my "extra" paycheck will be going this month.

Cuteness: I got a "sowwy daddy" this morning (I was ready to buy that camcorder this weekend to record stuff like that but not now...)

Maybe Roto-Rooter has a preschooler apology discount they can slide over to the parents while the Happy Meal toy gets extracted to the tune of a two-week paycheck.

Sensory Overflu

The flu shot was supposed to be taken day, and guess who's running a fever? Wyatt currently is taking an Avatar/Fairly Oddparents/Spongebob Squarepants while I'm in flannel PJ bottoms (Yes, Jen I wear pants while being a parent versus an online poker reporter) shuttling apple juice and cold packs to the ill one.

Bucky was in town for the annual border battle between the Gophers and Badgers. As the score from TCF Stadium showed, the Paul Bunyan Ax made its way back across to cheesehead land where it will remain tainted by Wisconsinites for the next year. Hats off to thee Badger running game as they pummeled the front four chewing up clock time as the Weber to Decker was left with a few precious minutes to work with and almost made a come back in the closing minute only down by a field goal.

Normally we are a State of Hockey:



(RSS readers click through to see the video, I've actually played skated in the three arenas they show)

But, for the next two nights Minnesotan sport fans are getting treated to something unseen since the Homer Hankies lined Hennipin Avenue after Jack Morris' one-for-the-ages 10 shutout innings in winning Game Seven of the 1991 World Series.

Tonight starts off with Favregasm II: The Double Penetration.

This one has much on the line. NFC Central division leader, the pride wars at the local bars since believe it or not Viking fans are outnumbered many times while downing $2 pints of MGD and Miller Lite while taking in some hot wings and the game on one of 27 newly installed 1080 dpi HD monitors. Yes, around here its not uncommon to see people catch the virus of a Green and Gold jersey and up until two years ago 85% of them not sporting a Mark Churma or Desmond Howard sweater, would have their beloved number four resting over their shoulders.

That all changed with bolting to the Jets last season and commiting the cardinal sin that Darren Sharpier and Ryan Longwell made several years ago by donning the Purple. Brett Favre will be coming out of the home team's tunnel for the second time in his career at the Metrodome which spans 18 games if my monkey math is correct. Will the Favre magic (ok, just saying his name turns my stomach, luckily there's applewood smoked bacon to quell such feelings), turn the tide for this team, latching on even more bandwagoners or will they dive off the Titanic if the Gunslinger doesn't holster his sidearms this evening and let the Purple Jesus and Taylor punish a fairly weak front line of the Packers.

From a lifelong Vikings fan, I'm happy he's here, I'm happy there's excitement behind this team, and win or lose tonight I'll still be happy with the direction this team is going. But, please its not FAVRE vs. the Packers as noted by the ratings sluts at ESPN during the overplayed promos this week. They are a team, they've won with their defense for the past several years and will continue to rely on the massive front four along with should-have-been All Pro E.J. Henderson at linebacker and Winfield in the backfield. They have the most exciting running back in the league for the past three seasons, Purple Jesus wants to hurt you...

... if you can catch him


The other side is the bet. Always the bet with The Wife. This year the stakes got raised thanks to the man who retired and unretired more than The Road Warriors, Tito Santana, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, and Brett "The Hitman" Hart combined. To the loser, this year will receive a Favre jersey of the opposite team's colors. Yes, I'm more than happy to plug some cash into the Vikings economy if it means watching The Wife dance around in Purple once again during NFL Sunday.

May the best Favre win.

Tomorrow Twinkies Take Two from the Tiggers and the Rollerdome rocks for baseball at least one more time.

Weekend Minnesota Sports Viewings

Gophers vs. Wisconsin for the Paul Bunyon Ax starting at Noon. The new TCF Bank stadium doesn't suck, the weather however is going to be cold and wet not the 80s and sunny we've been enjoying for the past month.

Twins vs. The Greinkes somehow the team has manage to spur playoff hopes after splitting the crucial series last week. With the 2009 Cy Young award winner on the hill today for the Royals, those hopes will most likely end up in the trash like a discarded malt cup stick.

Black Dynamo vs. FC Red MG: this one the upstart midfielder Wyatt will try to neutralize the Swedish exchange student, Kjell, with the floppy blonde bowl cut hair and slick cross-overs while 3'7" Ethan leds a powerful offense built on speed. Played on the cold pitch of Rush Creek Elementary, the elements will come into play as the kids get their first taste of playing sports in fall Minnesotan weather as parents strive for perfectly cut orange wedges and fruit snacks in the shape of popular movies on the sidelines.

Vikes vs. Packers (Monday): If you've turned on a TV in the last week there's nothing more to be said about this one. Please keep the Brett Favre references to a minimum because after seeing the rube crew at Buffalo Wild Wings listening to a live broadcast of the Paul Allen on KFAN, fan here in Purple country are an undefined excited adjective about this game.

If you need to know what this Volleyball player is signaling she will be blocking the cross hits while her similarly hot assed partner should take the line spike. Or she'd like to get some head from two guys during the next time out. I'll let you decide.