Of Places I Would Rather Be

WSOP time.

Twice I have made the journey to the seemingly bottomless pit of cards, booze, and degenerate prop betting.  The first time was do to the real thing, crossing off a bucket list item by actually playing in a World Series of Poker event.

That did not go well.

Despite high hopes I made two fatal flaws.  1) Played with scared money  2) Failed to drink

At the time it should not have been scared money as my bankroll was large enough, had backers, and online money was still flowing through ads, writing, and bonus whoring.  Nonetheless, I was not as aggressive as I was sitting behind an avatar but instead adjacent to Marcel Luske and arms reach from the 2005 Main Event champ Joe Hachem.  Noted warthog Joe Speaker was there to record my exploits to the masses but my tepid play had me fizzling out on a non-descript hand shortly after the first break. 

Two years later I found myself in Vegas during the WSOP again, but this time it was to sweat the media at the World Series of Pai Gow, an event I'm much more equipped for and play downtown at the Binion's Poker Classic where the buy-ins fit my bankroll much more easily.  CK, Tuscaloosa Johnny, and myself braved the other side of Vegas, a throwback to what Vegas used to be before the corporations splashed gold-tinted mirage of $100 margaritas, and five star dining two doors down from the 24-hour McDonald's.  This time I played it right.  The game was Omaha Hi/Lo again, this time limit but a game I'm most comfortable with in any setting with any stakes that does not cost me a mortgage payment to check-raise the turn. 

But instead of listening to blog postings about playing "optimal tournament poker" by "getting sleep", "staying away from the pits", and most of all "not drinking".  I did the opposite.  Instead I got myself into that comfort zone.  You know the one.  It feels like fantasy sex, downslope of a rollercoaster, the perfect lick of ice cream on a day reaching triple digits all while sitting on a cloud.  After hour four the waitress who seemed to be the only one serving the 214 players in the tourney didn't even bother asking if I wanted another and would just switch out the cup of ice for one filled with spiced rummy goodness and a splash of Coke. 

Later on that night my friends, the ones with press badges around their necks, already taking a beating from the grueling WSOP workdays in the Amazon Room encouraged me to stay in my zone, especially one AlCantHang whom I would walk stumble back to the final table with holding two drinks after a shot at the bar right before chop talks began. AND still had enough in the gas tank for watching my card-rackery continue at the Pai Gow tables at the Gold Coast.  True friends, they are.  Almost kin-like to my degenerate side.

I mention this now because life is in the way of hopping on a plane to create another Vegas memory.  Work, lack of vacation time threw away the keys as for once, money isn't throwing up the bars of steel, nor is my understanding wife who actually encouraged me to go.  But, thanks to Twitter, the PG-13 rated version of my friend's exploits come to life in 140 characters or less.  I'll have to wait until December or a possible WPBT side trip to hear the XXX version only available after a full night bender and a few toasts to those who couldn't make it but wished they were here.

Poker Bloggers RISE-ing

This not a post, but is since well I'm typing here but not the one that I wanted to refute the notion of a book my wife is reading that claims money does not give individuals a life advantage over those who do not have such sums for better housing/education/brand-name soap.  I suppose life is what you make it, but money allows opens doors to the clearer path versus having to step on nails while finding a way to scrap by.

Wanted to throw a little link love for three friends that I hope to see this summer sometime and hope their newest ventures:

- Dr. Pauly is back with a novel that I've heard about ever since I met this soul several years ago at the Plaza as he continues to be one of the very reasons I don't shut-down this slice of the internet entirely while trying to fit 25 hours of work into 24 hours of the day. If Jack Bauer can do it, so can I.  And so can Pauly who after his success with Lost Vegas presents Jack Tripper Stole My Dog (book purchase linkage here) and I'm also pleased to see he is returning to Vegas for the WSOP this summer....  

- ...  and three of my friends will be working together for RISE Poker which comes at a time after Black Friday showing some hope to the post-US online poker wasteland that players have options (even if it isn't 12-tabling 6-max PLO until the handle of Captain says "please stop pouring me" at 2am).  F-Train and Change100 will be in Vegas for the WSOP along side Chops of Wicked Chops Poker fame rounding out their all-star WSOP coverage crew (if I'm missing anyone it's because its early in the morning and I haven't had my caffeine yet).

Ok, back to the grind and not mentioning my decent degen gambling weekend as I won a Vegas plane ticket worth of ducats playing slots and pull tabs...   a sign to go?

Can, Bottled, or Tapped

Finally.

The open road.

It was an early start to a great adverture with loosely knit plans.  The cooler was stocked with some fine Minnesota microbrews from Town Hall, Great Waters, Fitger's, and of course Surly. A hop-filled travel log that was heading east on 94 towards Wisconsin to make rounds of places like New Glarus and Tyranena and maybe discover a few more on the way.

Photo Cred:  Rachellb.com

The snow finally made its way off the highways and the only thing slowing us down were the notoriously fickle Wisconsin State Troopers who lined every part of the highway from Hudson to Milwaukee.  My wallet was a little fat from some skillful lucky runs in poker so degenerate stops at a few tribal casinos was in order, especially since their poker rooms were allowed to spread no limit unlike the Minnesota rooms were. 

Tree, brews, friends, and most of all, no schedule.  No rigidly formatted APA-approved stamped papers to write, while I would miss their genuine hugs and smiles, no kids to shuffle off to their activity of the night, and no sudden must-make social gatherings to attend.  Just road, fermented hops, poker, and stories that are only told when a gathering of long-time friends meet, much like the yearly sojourn to Vegas for like minded poker writers.

The smell of a great plate of wings with a strong whiff of cayenne peppers and liquid smoke came under my nose as I was just around to dip it in a ranch with sprinkled Lowry's and pepper mixture when...

...it was time to turn off and go north on 169 and head to work in the dark.

Maybe this summer.

Definitely this summer.

But a choice will need to be made as I cannot do both.  A possible trip around cheesehead land in search of great frothy drinks ending with a possible baseball game in Milwaukee or Chicago.  Or taking another low-roller shot at the WSOP with possible backing and see all my writing friends toiling away along press row and setting up some late night hooker bar/pai gow/strip club goodness.

What the future brings it brings as being under a metric ton of snow this winter has left me daydreaming of letting go of my tightly-knit schedule for a week and remembering that while working hard gets you to where you want to go, it doesn't give the destination.

Return to the land of the living

The ending was a beautiful half-painted orange-reddish ball on my right with that light reflecting off the glass of my workplace on the left as I crested over the final bridge and back to work after five days of being unplugged.

Relaxing?  As relaxing as a short family vacation can be, but sleep was made in bunches as having my laptop disconnected for five days certainly relieved me of stress as more important things like getting the kids up for a round of mini-putt or helping them on with their life-vests in the morning for the uncrowded pool.  When you're a parent you take your stress relief in bunches and try to enjoy them to the fullest.  Golf was rainy, but calm despite my ability to miss every five foot putt due to the crisp way a few drives came off my old set which is stored at the trailer/cabin.  There's very little that compares to watching the perfect flight of a golf ball or baseball when struck, if you don't play and think those athletes on TV are posing for the cameras, you'd be right about two percent of the time because I guarantee you if you're ever taken in the panoramic view of that floating sphere being lifted it's much like a decent sunrise to view.

Rest happened, plates with spare ribs touched by Jack Daniels were demolished, and I'm back to a crazy schedule while my friends in Vegas are in the home stretch as the World Series of Poker rages on with Day 1C starting up today.  Good luck in the trenches folks, may you wash off that donkey blood off before hitting up the Gold Coast Pai Gow tables for the next weeks.

As my present to myself for some sloth well-done, I snagged Red Dead Redemption after picking up my son's birthday present yesterday.  Hooked. 

A Walk Through 2009: April thru June

April:

- SCOOP became a big thing around my household. Not as a player (might change this year, as I’m looking to take a shot sometime this year) but as a humble scribe. I would have thought by now reporting on online poker tournaments the lack of human interaction would turn this job into a tedious one.

Exact opposite.

There’s a strange rush I get from watching unknown pros, hoodie/sunglasses WPT-wannabes, and the basement dwelling 30-tabling Supernovas battle it out for more cash than I’ll see in a decade. There’s no resentment of making the “here’s your new SCOOP Champion yaKKaZuMA69 who won $350,000.00 after defeating RubYoMama heads-up for the 6-max Super-Turbo One Card Exposed Hold Em’ Championship!”. It sounds ridiculous but I enjoy my Sunday nights and those big tournament gigs that test sanity with 6-8 hours of work till the wee hours of the next day, then trying to cram a 10-hour day of spreadsheets and invoices all while remembering that Kyra only likes the purple bendy straws in her chocolate milk.

- Had a shot at the elusive Mookie title but vacated the wait

- Got ready for another season of softball after “retiring” for the most part. One of the better decisions as the nights in the parking lot after the games were a mid-week stress relief.

- Minnesota tried to ban online gambling which would have effectively killed my future blogger endeavors since my funds for such trips comes from working on the PokerStarsBlog and the very rare tournament scores.

May:
- The first Brett Favre reports come out. Of course I’m in dreamland now with two games before a possible Super Bowl, but as a lifetime Vikings fan Brett Favre represented the epitome of football hated as the best player on the rival’s team (and even if they go one-and-out I'd thank him for the excitement this year). But, this fan of the Purple couldn’t comprehend the media coverage that follows this guy. Holy shit even Randy Moss, Joe Mauer, Kevin Garnett, and Visanthe Shiacoe’s dong combined couldn’t get more face time on ESPN than this guy.

- There was also quick hit about what your Minnesota sports jersey says about you

June:

- WSOP begins, friends start their long journey thru the Amazon Room’s bad food, strippers looking for tricks on the rail, and 17 hour days for the next 40-ish days.

Personally, I will try to make it out there again this year because I did seemed to do quite well chopping up the O8 event down at the Binion's Poker Classic despite being not in-the-bag, but thru-the-bag-and-searching-for-discarded-hooker-handouts after a 15 hour playing/drink-athon. Seeing Otis, Gene, F-Train, and Al railing me and CK while taking in that couple straight from an HBO special on “What Happens When Psych Patients Don’t Take Their Meds”.

Sadly the guy could have ran over the final table with the chip lead he had but instead watched that mighty fortress of clay reduced to pleading to be included in the 5-way chop. Basically his ego and harpy wife cost him the $5K difference between the chop money and stated first prize.

Next up July, August, and September also known as the only months you won't see three inches of ice on Minnesotan roads.

Cada on Sportscenter

While I plan on grinding out the fun low limit tourneys on Stars and Full Tilt tonight, our current world champ will be appearing on ESPN's Sportscenter tonight...

Ok RIGHT NOW!!! GO!

It Hurts So Good

Image from Time.com/Isaac Brekken AP

No matter much I tried to become uninterested in poker the itch to watch, play, and write about it comes back three-fold everytime. This weekend was working the Sunday Warm-up and Sunday Million at PokerStarsBlog and here I am at 3:00am watching turns of the virtual cards for tens of thousands of dollars and trying to pick apart the game as to who was going to win along with trying to make the play interesting to read (I hope I'm accomplishing that for you readers, if I'm not drop me a line with a suggestion or two).

My picks came in fourth and second, both knocked out by suckouts by the same guy. One was a nut punch for the title and a $66K difference between first and second when the four flush fell on the river after just one hand of heads-up play. To think I was pissed about the rivered flushes over the past month that costed me the maximum of a plane ticket to Vegas, this guy just lost a few cars with enough to get fuzzy dice or one of those cardboard pine trees in the windows of each one.

Knowing in the back of my mind I wanted to watch the donkey slaughterfest at the WSOP Main Event final table, last night started off with supporting my wife's new found committment to getting back into a shape we used to enjoy before spitting out the occupants of the other bedrooms in our current house. While you won't find me downing Herbalife shakes with G540-T muscle max protein shakes with a wheat grass chaser, I've been trying to hit the gym 3-4 days a week minimum. More energy to shake off those late poker nights has been most welcome, not to mention gaining a little self-esteem while tightening the belt.

But to give up breakfast sandwiches, pints of Surly and dozen happy hour wings at 3 Squares? Let's not talk crazy here.

Most of the time if I'm hitting up the gym with my bride its to hop into a "class". Yes, I admit to being one of the two male presences in the aerobic classes. Since balance and stamina are the reason I go, it only made sense to put up with the potential embarrassment of doing poses and pirouettes. Usually we attend a Strike class which consist of kickboxing with weights and a weighted pole (not just the one in my shorts HA!). This class is manliness cubed. You kick, you punch, you grunt, and best of all you sweat a lot.

However I tuck my balls in while hitting up last night's class called "Yoga Fusion". You bend, you twist, you try not to check out which color thong the stripper in the front is wearing that night but fail miserably. Before you ask, no, I leave my Hello Kitty pink leotard in the locker opting for the black one which has a slimming effect.

Essentially its dancing which I hate unless I'm wandering around Chicago looking for a hick bar at 2am with The Rooster and DP after endless beers throughout the day, or celebrating a birthday with a hippie in the middle of Phillie-land.

After getting my groove on (last night the thong was black with a lace trim if you must know) we returned home just in time to pass out from an exhausting day, but wait there's poker on TV! All it took was watching poor Schaffel's bullets go down hard versus the quad kings of Buchman and I was locked in on the Sony for the next 90 minutes. Despite knowing every outcome thanks to wonderful friends who kept us abreast of the going ons of Saturday at the Penn and Teller theater via Twitter and their various media outlets, I soaked up every minute of it.

Every set hitting with baby pairs over the painted pairs, every Ace-Queen that Moon held that turned into gold, ESPN's production crew kicked ass splicing the right images. True, the hard-core poker fan would want more four-bet preflop bluffs and find out how these players really battled their ways to those place changing hands over the 21 hours of play. But, the entertainment value for a card lover like me was there.

Officially the WSOP Main Event ended Monday with Cada defeating unmoving logger from Maryland heads-up after 88 hands, but tonight the fanbois of this game will get closure after watching the hole cards come out on those hands that were not flipped over.

And I'll be watching with an ice pack on my back, as a prolonged Warrior pose didn't agree with my girly muscles last night.

Tonight We Pimp, Tomorrow We Dance!

WSOP Spoiler: Joe Cada is your 2009 WSOP ME Champ.

Now if you were a good blogger/poker fan then you followed along at PokerNews, PokerStarsBlog, Poker From the Rail, or of course the original Dr. Pauly's Tao of Poker as Darvin Gump went up against a seemingly invincible Joe Cada for the title heads-up. Leads changed, fans got more sloshed and what was supposed to last a few hands went the distance as Joe Cada will represent the new face of poker after his 88 hand heads-up victory over the logger from Maryland.

As I'm typing this ESPN has Schaffel getting de-tainted by Buchman's quad kings. Yuck.

And... the 3s-4s-2d hand, ok I definitely see Begs reason for betting and going all-in with the straight and flush draws and two overs but good god, the fold, hor-r-i-b-l-e (but mathmatically correct if you factor the cards, which you shouldn't, still horrible).

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Anyway... on to the pimping. Its Truckin' time again! Despite being knee deep in the November Nine hoopla at the Rio, Pauly has his monthly blog-zine up on the stands for consumption (which I'll consume after the kids finish off the popcorn and I finally stop chasing flush draws on the NLO8 tables).

Read on folks:


1. The Stoop by Paul McGuire
I convinced him to meet me at shit hole in the East Village instead of stalking the hooker. He showed up to the bar totally rejected, like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and nailed to his forehead... More

2. A Young Man and Road Gambling by Johnny Hughes
One time coming out of Mexico with my pals, we had the cash stashed for the 300 plus miles home. Smuggling rum brilliantly, we had the backseat floorboard covered in bottles of rum. It was brutally cold, and we had our coats over the rum. The guys in the back had their knees up real high, and we got caught... More

3. Brain Storming by Betty Underground
One comment leads to another and like the winding road that brought him to that beach house, we are all over the mountain of topics that are just 'life'. The non-specific, yet charmed, lives of two souls who have a lot of blanks to fill in and it seemed this time I was doing a lot of the filling-in... More

4. Dick-Hole by Bobby Bracelet
Chlamydia is sort of like the strep throat of the genito-urinary system. It's killed by an antibiotic, but while it's there it causes symptoms that really aren't any worse than strep, just more embarrassing because of the area of the body... More

5. The Ride by George Tate
While fueling he noticed a young long hair in a robe and sandals looking much like a scriptural disciple who had begun to walk across the I-10 bridge then down the east bound ramp towards Phoenix... More

WPBT Tournament Details

Quickie since the WSOP media crew is getting their well rest today/tonight after watching some horrible beats and ending with a Gump vs. Cada heads-up match for the bracelet tomorrow.

(side note: I don't recall seeing a final table with so many under pairs and dominated kickers getting there for eliminations, was really pulling for Ivey).

And tonight I'll be on the bag for PokerStars' Sunday Warm-up and Sunday Million. Drop by for the recaps tomorrow morning.

If you are reading here, most likely you either know about the WPBT Winter Classic and have signed up or you've read about the blogger's exploits in our once-a-year gathering of the minds to discuss writing about poker (ok, not really and mostly just a reason to enjoy the faces behind the blogs). The lovely April has the tournament locked down at Caesar's Palace with a rockin' blind structure should I find myself awake at 10am for sign in.

The $100 buy-in tourney starts at noon, so waltz thru this link to check out all the details.

Quick Hits: The Favre Loyality Edition

Quick hits:

I wish I'd found this video before the Packers-Vikes game last week:



Leroy Butler, Kallie Wong, Touchdown Tommy Kramer jerseys? Not on the bandwagon, these people love their teams and kudos for the funny.


- The World Series is over.



That's the sound outside of New York and their fair-weather fans that spread like H1N1 across the country. The Yankees wins their 27th World Series and it feels like Daniel Negreanu just won two buy ins at the PokerStars $0.01/$0.02 tables. This slight does not apply to those for faithfully rooted on their teams during years that they didn't spend over $200 quadrillion dollars to pluck every available superstar off other teams.

Mike and Mike this morning posed a question to a baseball talking head "teamwork" got the Yankees their championship last night. And the bobblehead agreed that's what is was. Bullshit. For all we know the Washington Nationals were the most cohesive team but lacked the bucks to surround true company men like the Yanks did with Posada, Jeter, Mo Rivera (what a monster!), and Cano.

When asked by Ms. Dawn Summers what to think about the dude with the Yankees cap at her poker table, I quipped "he'll probably try to buy every pot".

So congrats on bullying the table sirs, maybe next year you'll just hand out Yankees uniforms to the AL team with bricks of cash at the All-Star game and finish the season with them.

- For the past two weeks I've played a little more poker than I have in probably 6 months time. No idea what brought on the spurt but I played enough to gain SilverStar status at Stars and almost have enough FTPs at Full Tilt for that Mini Cooper. Ok, a camera but its about the size of a Mini Cooper if you were to look at the car from 5 blocks away.

Some takeaways. Instead of "bonus whores" you now run into "points whores". For example there's a Supernova on the tables I frequently play (lower stakes than a player of this status should be playing) who will complain to no end if he/she is not receiving points at the end of each hand (its based on rake, sometimes the pot isn't big enough to rake for a FPP).

Here's a hint sir or ma'am: No one cares. Because here's your playing line for every hand you play: AAXX (Shove stack preflop), Any ace with two wheel cards (limp), Any combination of all broadway cards (limp), all else pot odds be damned, fold. Post flop, you hit you bet, you miss you fold to any bet, no check-raises, no flatting, no floating. Also, NEVER betting without either the current nuts or a wrap draw to said nuts.

Why would I continue to play such tables? There's never a shortage of people who will call or people have a clue and fold button. It might seem pompus to describe this sort of play as I'm prone to bad calls just as much (you'd think I'd learn by now!), as I'll find my fingers clicking call once in a while against one of these super-nits knowing full well my full house/lesser flush is no good.

That makes me an even bigger donk and a leak that needs to be plugged should I continue this 6-8 tabling across two platforms like its 2006. We'll see if the action junkie in me finds its way to the tables after the missus and kids are tucked away for the evening. Despite losing for the past few weeks I've found the challenge to play again fun and with good friends heading off to Vegas today and tomorrow to set up for the WSOP Main Event final table, my poker interest will only heighten from here. Not to mention seeing said friend in a mere five weeks.

Case in point, I finally sat down to watch an entire episode of the WSOP Main Event on ESPN the other night. Pauly nailed the Darvin Gump moniker in his recent recap. I could visualize the logger going over to his wife on the rail after that unexplainable flush over flush hand against Billy Kopp saying "aw shucks Jen-nay I thinks we's gonna win some money".

Play catch up to the TV coverage with the doc's recaps below:

Main Event Day 8 on ESPN - Liquidity Crisis, Mucking Winners, and Down to 18
Main Event Day 7 on ESPN - Donkeys in the Rye
Main Event Day 6.5 on ESPN - Four Heavy Hitters, Jaws of Ivey, and AngryJulie
Main Event Day 5.5 and Day 6 on ESPN - Introducing the DonkeyBomber
Main Event Day 5 on ESPN - ElkY and Happy
Main Event Day 4 on ESPN - Bubbles and the World Series of Ivey
Main Event Day 3 on ESPN - Aussies, Ivey, and No Shake for Hellmuth
Main Event Day 2B on ESPN - A Kinder and Quieter Hellmuth and the Always Aloof Ivey Time
Main Event Day 2A on ESPN - The Fossilman and Costanza Show

Good luck to all making their ways back to Vegas this weekend.

* and sorry if I missed linking you

Score One For the Good Guys (and girls)

This chick made her second largest tournament cash ever last night at the Sunday Million at PokerStars. Drop by the PokerStarsBlog this morning/afternoon for the recap.

Any chance she took Mean Gene out for drinks at the hooker bar and strip club hopping afterwards? One could wish for Gene.

Me? I'm fighting gravity today with Sobe Energy, ice water, and forehead against cement to stay awake and productive.

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Awesome weekend with my dad's side of the family that traveled from different points of the US just a half-day of food, golf, lakeside boating, and drinks. Right now the description eludes me because what should have gone on for two or three days we were forced to make do with the several hours together.

Much like blogger gatherings, so much to do, so many people to reconnect with, so little time to do it.

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WSOP Main Event is down to 185 people (I think) but the real story is Pauly and Dan going super deep into Day Two today of the Dream Team Poker tournament. Per @taopauly on twitter their team is the last standing and he's coming back with 158K in chips while the anti-cooler Dan M has 113K. I stand to reason that with the team format they're looking at a decent cash today (I can't check for a press release/Dream Team Poker website until later).

WIN WIN WIN!!!

I don't know who gave poker bloggers a bad name for their playing ability, but with the several cashes around the WSOP and other tourneys during the poker holiday season known as the WSOP, people should try cutting away from applying fish tags to anyone that hops onto WordPress, Moveable Type, or Blogger to crank out a few words about this game that we love.

True we are "writers" "fluffers" for a reason, as many of us who write have actual responsiblities and can't take their tournament score and use it as a buy-in to the next level. Are we ahead of the curve for stashing it and using proper bankroll prudence, or behind the arc and acting like a stone nit for throwing the cash into our houses, children, or buying the understanding spouse a little something extra for her birthday instead of using it to play higher with the potential golden ticket at the end of a WPT or WSOP tourney?

My opinion stands that I'd rather use the money to see some friends, and some bigger smiles on the people I wake up with daily versus dumping it off on a four or five figure bad beat story to some Scandi robot who was "just gambling and got lucky" after you snap off his bluff and he catches perfect-perfect to make table drink the most expensive one you ever purchased besides the beer you had before purposed to your life mate.

Personally, broken toys and half-eaten kids meals are worth more than those 5 by 7 table assignment seat cards.

WSOP Main Event Semi-Reading Guide

Let's play link-o-rama today shall we? After all tis the season for poker players, bloggers, and degenerates as the World Series of Poker nears its conclusion having blown through 4,000+ players who plunked down the $10,000 for the Main Event.

At least those who were smart enough not to rush for the last helicopter out of Saigon, or finally taking the last past-her-prime stripper on the floor up to the VIP room at 9am before the brunch buffet was spread the next day after blowing thru your recent tournament score.

- Dr. Pauly's brand of tournament reporting fills the needs of the five degenerate senses on top of solid up to date live happenings around Rio not just inside the den of purified beef jerky meat being grinded out with every "ALL IN AND A CALL". Even if you've walked the hallowed ground of poker heaven and sloshed your feet in the pools of donkey blood left there yearly, Pauly finds the new story then like something from those Final Destination movies, you know the characters are going to die, just not how.

- PokerStarsBlog with Otis, Bartley, and Howard Swains tilt the coverage towards the namesakes site, but provide enough ambience of the tournament you can get the updates on your favorite Team PokerStars Pro and not feel like they're rushing out to get the corporate logo emblazed on their lower backs. Not to mention some kick ass photos of the different pros in their natural environment.

- LasVegasVegas Blog speaking of WSOP photos... Flipchip is the authority on such things, do yourself a favor and gaze into his lens pointed out onto the tournament floor. Especially look for the yummy female pics like one of Shannon Elizabeth who survived the first wall of players and made it to Day 2

- Pokerati with a disappointingly lack of Dan M's pink shirt reports is still managing to provide a double-take of outside/inside reports around the Amazon room including rounding up the Day 1D debacle that left several "name" pros with $10K in their hands and nothing but a video poker machine at the Hooker bar to play. The pros could always hit a few quads then hop over to media row and tilt a few scribes with a brag instead of the steady stream of foul bad beat stories they're used to.

- Poker From the Rail it's Al, it's Full Tilt. The mashing of a huge online poker site and the walking Mardi Gras parade spells fun for the readers at home. Pictures and updates on donkeys like Ivey, Harman, Jesus, and Lederer make you proud that you spent those 25,000 FTP points on the jersey with your name on it.

- Bill Rini He of course is NOT at the WSOP but is pumping out information from Thailand about the online poker world that is a must read for anyone serious about the direction of the industry. While I hope sometime soon I'll be able to hand him a pint, I'll settle for pimping a couple of his projects.

Rakeback Report

Poker Jobs

- Mean Gene at UB UltimateBet's blog as Gene covers the next Hellmuthion meltdown but with fine photography as the one-man show covers the donkeys and pros alike from the site trying to gain some positive feedback in light of last year's major cheating scandal.

- PokerNews no introduction needed here. Go to watch the live reporting coverage and use the tweeter-like message board to hit up a scribe to possibly get John Frend's chip count out on Table 143 behind electronic Roulette table.


Good luck to all my friends, and make it safely home after rinsing that donkey blood and those purid bad beat stories off you. Or my suggestion is to have one of those beyond hot white shirt wearing massages while banging out a story for the guy who busted with quads over quads in 2,365th place.

You're the Inspiration

Since I currently own nothing more than a phone that struggles to receive text messages and routinely runs out of memory while taking pictures, this is a placeholder for the next five days. It will take in dial-a-shots however.

It's time to adventure to a city that contains more people than this state twice over and I hear there's even places within this city that willingly serve you beer.

To my friends on media row at the WSOP, stay strong.

Poker From the Rail
Dr. Pauly
Pokerati
Wicked Chops Poker
PokerNews.com
Pokerlistings.com
Poker Stars Blog
Ulimate Bet Blog/

Its hard hearing about the conditions there that looked to be improving from last years fun-fest to this year's suck-fest for the media at least. How about the players? Any word on improved seating, rules, happy endings table massages, less kangaroo meat in the beef, Jack Links Jerk-off contests?

That's 18 days to touch down at Mandalay Bay where I'll spend my first five to six hours writing up in my room for PokerStarsBlog (Turbo Takedown and Battle of the Planets promos), then the plan is to crack a smile into the thousand-yard stares of those hard-working bloggers at the Rio. Prehaps even sneak in a quick session at the PLO8 cash game if its running.

But, tomorrow's plan is to enjoy the Wisconsin countryside, eat some cheese curds, drink some decent beer, flick off every Packer fan in site, pick up a Brewers' fan, and head down to Chicago for face boners, poker, baseball, and enjoy friends that can only manage to meet once or twice a year (actually my liver and wallet is thankful for this).






Side note: 1Queens Up1 mentioned checks are flowing from FTP, any word on the PokerStars situation? I heard a bonus was offered to those who's checks were denied, but since that would kinda-sorta hinder my plans to hitting up a decent dinner or two in Vegas I'd need a little more info before transferring my paycheck out.

He's Not Worth 10 Cent Chew Spit

Sportscenter "Cold Hard Facts" this morning:

"Brett Favre not in Vikings mini-camp mean anything?"

Seriously? People get paid six figures to drum-up jello hitting sports journalism questions like that?

I'll take a wild stab and say it means he's not playing, doesn't plan on playing, and the Vikes do not want him to play. Favre can go on with a wedge of Kodiak Wintergreen in his cheek planting a row of snap peas while listening to Peter King twitter alerts.

"Tom Brady back-up plans"

Everyone in the Northeastern United States cries if the world most un-eligible bachelor's knee goes down like George Washington's tree and he ends up nailing a supermodel twice a night instead of once for physical therapy.

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Almost forgot to thanks StB's Brewers for funding part of the Chicago trip next month. Salut!

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WSOP mandatory reading list stolen from Al who was up late railing a certain low roller as he won a 90 man tourney, finished 2nd in a 45 man, final tabled a Razz MTT, and finished 93 out of 2,000+ in the Midnight Madness this morning.



I rule!

Blog reading during the WSoP:
Poker From the Rail
Dr. Pauly
Pokerati
Wicked Chops Poker
PokerNews.com
Pokerlistings.com
Poker Stars Blog
Ulimate Bet Blog

For Twitter-rific folks on the suggestion of Pauly, Annie Duke's feed is damn funny.

Let the WSOP Madness Begin

After completing my second job this morning as a semi-professional part-time card fluffer and rinsing out all the bad puns out of my mouth that I could throw at an online poker tournament, what is a man to do at 4am?

Watch Youngblood until the sex scene with the fire and water bottle being used as a prop while the mother hen brings down the tea and realizes she doesn't get to ride on the Lowe express any longer.

No wife and kids right now as my feet are up, the weather is shooting out yet another perfect day which have my size twelves checking out the three ball left-to-right break on the green at the local muni. Normally there would be an itch to peel back cards, but great weather shouldn't be spoiled by listening to the sound of an Omaha rock take a pull off his cherry-flavored oxygen tank while wheezing when raising on the river after getting the nuts for the first time in two hours.

Priorities.

After watching and writing about the big Sunday tourneys at Stars for almost a year now, I still do not understand why you would play great poker for 10 to 11 hours straight, get down to three or four and start shoving 25+BBs preflop with any card over a jack like its a $2.20 super turbo tournament. You're not playing for lunch money unless your lunch is at some Monte Carlo restaurant that gives happy ending in the washroom before receiving the mint.

Good luck to the real writers sitting in media row out at the WSOP. Pauly is set to eclipse his 2005 and 2008 series (recap of last year found here). Al is wheels up and ready to destroy the SoCo stash at the Amazon Room for Full Tilt (you can of course find him at Poker From the Rail as well). I'll be out there the last week of June in a non-working, drinking/gambling capacity dragging their writing corpses across the street to Gold Coast hopefully to revive their batteries a bit with some last night bowling or Pai Gow.

And if you want to read my drivel, go here for the Sunday Million recap and the Sunday Warm-up recap at PokerStarsBlog.

Move Over Phil, Eastgate New Youngest WSOP Main Event Champ

You could look at mainstream reporting (highlighting) of the WSOP final table...

But, we all know the gonzo reporting of Dr. Pauly and tilting Otis on prop bets is where the heart of the poker story is at.

Take a bow guys and gals, F-Train, Change100, and everyone else who's clearing out of the Penn and Teller theater from the 2008 WSOP Final Table as Peter Eastgate is heads to Spearmint Rhino for a victory lap with a single mother of two who's saving up for law school after winning.

You guys earned a drink, a cheer, and nap for bringing the color of the Amazon room to the internets. Thanks.

For a bonus, here's a video of the Joe Theismann approved injury to Charles Gordon:



Ow.

Dressing Up After Halloween

Ah, the smell of success. Lately, that smell has been a cross between a six month old rotten loaf of bread under a dorm room bed and an overdone slab of steak. The virus ping pong that me and the boy have been playing for almost two weeks has been less then enjoyable with the two a.m. anal wake-up calls and certain death stares from the other side of the bed should my digestive system stain the new sheets.

Hi, how are YOU doin this Monday!

Parasite talks aside, Vikes managed to squeak wide right after dominating the game up until half way thru the third quarter when the Pack decided they couldn’t score against the one-armed Jared Allen bulldOOOOOOOOOzer and scored against our weak-ass punt return team and a pick for a touchdown. Chilly tried to bring out the illusive Pass #2 play in the fourth quarter to shake up 52 year old Gus Frerotte, but it was Purple Jesus rising once again through and around the big front line with a forearm shiver that made Andre the Giant stand up out of his grave and take notice. I’ll let the internet suck-off of Adrian stop there but reserve the right start it up again next week.

The 64oz. of Surly Furious went down silky smooth right next to the homemade pretzels I whipped up thanks to a recipe from a friend of mine adding to a blissful afternoon on the couch that ended with a one-hour mental nap before busting out the PokerStars Sunday Warm-up final table recap (four hands of heads-up play with no chop like last night? Yes, please).

Pauly and Otis were covering a slightly bigger final table at the Rio as I followed while writing last night.

Read both (Pauly's live blog link).

Do it now (Otis' last post of the night, several more are under the "World Series" tag).

If you wussed out and slept last night like me, Phillips lost the lead quickly at the beginning but rallied. Its Eastgate vs. Demidov today. Over/under on the number of hands to decide the WSOP final table? Could it end like the two LAGs that I covered last night and end in four hands?

Oh, I’m taking suggestions for The Wife’s uniform as my personal assistant (read: beer bitch)during the NFL games next month in Vegas. Pictures are highly suggested as I'll happily purchase the attire after confirming the winning threads with the losing Cheesehead. Bonus points for the words "Mesh", "See-through", and "Silk" (is she sweating yet? cue evil laughter).

The winning submission will get a free drink served by my slave in Vegas.

SKOL!!!!

The Killer and Carew

Last night was part parking lot carnival, part day care center during lunch time. The mall in front the Metrodome was transformed into a walkway of overpriced beers and fried foods, along with the only place on earth where its socially acceptable to wear your favorite team logo on more then three items of clothing (unfortunately no Twins logo’d G-strings were spoted).

How could such a crowd afford these gatherings on a regular basis? The beers were $6.50, a Mike’s Hard Lemonade for the wife was $7.75 (ouch), bottle of Sprite for the kids set us back four bucks. Throw in some mini-donuts and tepid cheese curds (if it doesn’t squeak, it ain’t real) and we blew thirty bucks before even stepping into upside down vanilla frosting topped bundt cake stadium.

While watching the Tiggers get demolished by the resurgent Twinkies, there was a re-found love of watching live major league baseball. There’s no description about a 92 mph heater smacking the leather bound pillow of a catcher’s mitt after the overpaid free agent third baseman whiffed like he just got denied at the hotel bar after the game by the words “you don’t make as much as him” pointing to his Cy Young award winning teammate with the Cheshire Cat sized smile.

Even if the team wasn’t winning or putting out a product that stank of two week old Japanese steakhouse sauce that was left out, a love for the game I used to play was renewed and new found respect for guys like Aaron Gleeman who cover this sport with the colors it deserves.

I may be a fluffer's assistant on the rung of writers and bloggers alike, but that won't stop a few bad metaphors from appearing here. Thanks for the straight shooting Pauly, you're hitting a new high (perhaps a bad pun) with the WSOP coverage this year and getting stronger in the late innings.

Last Kid Picked For the Kickball Team

Getting an email from Reunion.com claiming: David, You Scored!!! 0 people have looked at your profile!

That's me. Mr. Popular back in high school. All 120 lbs. of tightly wound nerves with a black cloud hanging over my head, and a sense of fashion that was better suited for an all-day physical education class. I didn't hate high school, loathed it with exception of close friends that tamed the daily insecurities. Maybe a self-gazing story for the future as to why the 1,000+ people I marched with down the floor of the newly minted Target Center back in 93', aren't rabidly trying to find new pictures of my two mobile tax deductions in toddler clothes.

And for those wondering why you go through all the tantrums about that McDonald's happy meal Iron Man (or is it Speed Racer now?) toy you won't open until all of their wonderfully hand crafted food is gone? Check out AJ putting on a hitting clinic over at Speaker's site. That's why you go through the kicks to the nads after being told no more MarioKart (I've managed to keep my disappointments of the wife telling me to turn off the Wii to punching out a few walls), the peeing on the carpet because taking off clothes in the porch seemed like the right thing to do, and making good on those t-shirts proclaiming "Patience Tester" in sparkly pink letters across her chest.

If you're here for poker, I'll direct your attention to a few places:

- Tonight's Bodog is the last one before their Tournament of Champions next week and I managed to suckout enough to sit out the last three tourneys with an iron-clad seat at the 18 person Sit and Go for the $12,000 WSOP package. But tonight, T$270 sitting on the head of Smokkee is too much to pass up. If you think getting bad beat with ragz is hard, wait till you see the cards pushing him all-in when the bounty nearly exceeds the prize pool.

- WSOP coverage. Go now. See these people. Be the armchair fanboi sitting in your cube instead of smelling a perfectly crafted Cap'nCoke in a Milwaukee Beast Light plastic cup next to a Scandi kid that overplays his suited Kings in a PLO8 cash game with "TV" poker-stars chatting up behind you about where the profitable games are at tonight along the Strip.

- Jason's got a great article on Nolan Dalla chatting about poker and Stu Unger over at Pokerlistings (part 2 of 2)

- And if I'm missing you its you, not me (shoot me an email please, I've been a tad busy and feeling older that Ruben Sierra trying to lace up his cleats for his 48th major league baseball season)

Enter the Dragon

Prop bets on first five pros Pauly pisses next to?