I'll Take the Green One in 34C Please

I heard a commercial where a jewelry store proclaimed to “double certify” their diamonds and other precious gems.

Does that mean the first certification isn’t reliable enough that they had to do it twice? Luckily I have a spouse that isn’t into jewelry, instead she managed to single handedly raise my company’s stock up three points over the weekend with her four foot long receipt from shopping on Friday.

If you have plan on attack on how to enter a Target store and only purchasing the items you wanted in the first place, my checking account balance would love to hear it.

Poker and I are not talking again; she’s being a bitch without her happy pills and constant backstabbing by sucking on the neck of that Abercrombie and Fitch model standing by the pull tab booth with a three umbrella Mai Tai in his hand. But, like the pussy whipped high school horndog with a three year old condom in my wallet I am, you’ll see me at the Hoy tonight staring at her boobs hoping she’ll dip down to pick up her purse for a nice view down her shirt. Do Victoria’s Secret salepersons do this on purpose? Seriously, while going in there with the wife and having Wyatt pick out a few boob holders for the wife (dark green and one with stars on it) four different salepersons made sure that their feminine bits were hanging out far enough that I thought about offering $40 for a two song dance. After shopping for six hours the peep show was a welcome sight but I got slapped after asking the sale associate to model the complimentary g-string my wife got.

Football.

I enjoyed the game.

I still don’t think the Vikes are going to the playoffs. The jury is still out on Jackson, but he earned some points by not looking like Richard Pryor in “The Toy” while in the pocket and/or deciding to run. Eli decided to give his brother a live tutorial on bad quartbacking against a weak pass defense. More consistency is needed before the Purple can return to being a playoff team again, so don't make Purple Jesus cry against the Lions this week.

Just because the Vikes have an outside shot of the playoffs should it change when the Divine One returns to the Metrodome turf? In my opinion, no, He should sit, get fully healthy then return to His glory between the white lines.

Amen.