Sunday, November 30, 2008

Its SKOL-time Bears Fans!

Holidays were great.

I got nothing, no punny puns, no victoriously hot metaphors, just blissful bacony fatness, and plenty of smiles from the kids.

Tonight I'll be doing the PokerStars Triple Play Replay (Turbo Takedown, Battle of the Planets, and the Sunday Warm-Up) at PokerStarsBlog.

All this while my Vikes take center stage on Sunday Night Football (and most likely flop knowing their heartbreak past). I do ask that Jared Allen knock Neckbeard into Week 17 so Sexy Rexy can sling 60 yard floaters. Should be a fun game, do I hear any $10 prop bets from the Bears crowd?

SKOL!!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

All Lined Up For Bloat

Glad someone enjoyed that 55-0 wash out at the Dome on Saturday. In related news... people from Iowa have sex with humans?

Interesting the things you learn reading newspapers or carnal education absorbed in Section 202 of the Metrodome.

---

Update: This is +20 points of awesomeness. Well played KSK.



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With the holidays now one day in front of us, who's happy and they know it?

Blah seems to be the popular word and normally after an epil fail attempt to get back on the multi-tabling online poker horse there would be whining about this and that. Well, this and that can promptly taking a flying leap into a Pantera mosh pit with a Billy Ray Cyrus t-shirt on. After powering down to a four buy in loss on the night (one buy in saved thanks to Daddy nudging me for an 18 person SnG), there was no numbness, I could still feel the cards and chips rain in the opposite direction and while the burning desire to play some poker was sedated rather quickly after watching the various coolers and beats, there was a shrug versus finding the nearest inanimate object to discuss loudly the level -23 play by the obscure European football team icon.

Nope. Just power down, thank the RNG for a dry ass tapping last seen on Big Brother's uncensored webcam and go to bed thankful for what I have versus what could have been.

That's the difference between me now, and me even last year. While the love of poker and card goodness is always there, I now just regulate those "beats" into entertainment that didn't work out, much like 25 piece Adam and Eve Super Sex-Kit I bought the wife and promptly threw out and is probably being used in various parts of Minneapolis at this moment.

---

Tomorrow's Schedule:

7am - 10am:

Run around downtown Minneapolis for the 5K Turkey Day Run sponsored by LifeTime Fitness. Fall down without alcoholic assistance, get laughed at by wife as she finishes five minutes ahead of me. Receive goody bag, over value the stale sweet bread and ill-fitting T-shirt like a firstborn. I still love these jogs despite being horrible at it.

10am - 2pm:

First food, first blood, brunch at parent's house, followed by nap time after too many mimosas, bacon, bacon in egg bake, bacon on toast, bacon on bacon, and bacon with sticky rolls.

2pm - 6pm:

Undisclosed area for turkey dinner with football viewing and discussing life questions like "why do some guys feel its ok to chat mid-stream?". Would you like to hold it too, I'm sure you do its pretty fun. Main reason why I just find a damn stall and peacefully fire without discussing the awesome tuna melt Steve's wife made him for lunch

6pm - ????:

5th Annual Turkey Day Beer Pong tournament. Approximately 10-14 teams of two show up. I will photograph myself wearing a champions jacket and possibly post it as well. As a former champion (and looking to become the first two-time champ with my teammate and brother-in-law) there will be pressure to perform, thus many servings of beer may be needed to pull off a victory against more practiced, much younger college kids. GET OFF MY LAWN!!

4am next morning - ?????:

Watch my kids + niece and nephew with hangover while wife tears up Black Friday, look for nearest Ginsu knife to perform perfect can-cutting self-extraction of pain receptors.

---

Spend often. See you on the other side.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Packer Losses Look Better On HDTV


Short and sweet:


A Packer blow out loss is better then finding a instant win card for a trip to DisneyWorld and free lap dances at Cheetahs at the bottom of your Fruity Pebbles box.


Cheeseheads can promptly crawl back out of their bandwagons now.


---


Despite tough economic times, low low low prices at Target (and saving for a few months) got the wife and I to spend a little of the cash PokerStarsBlog shipped during the the WCOOP to buy this:




Thanks for making lower-middle class feel like kings and queens if its just during Monday Night Football

Monday, November 24, 2008

Donovan, Sometimes You Win But Really Tie, Other Times You Sit Your Ass on the Bench

A pleasant day with the kids, no leaks thru the garage sale bought Tommy jeans, no spaz-tastic whines emitting from the backseats due to not receiving the same amount of snacks. We raced around the house with laughter versus time outs getting handed down from the wraith of the parent. A visit to Cabela’s to take in everything hunting/fishing/manliness as this is the only place aside from the local Lodge that you’d feel at home in your Remington t-shirt, fatigue cargo pants with a Rambo sized compound bow strapped across your back while dragging that 10-point buck killed in the woods behind the building to back of the store for processing. Honestly, Cabela’s is pretty kick ass, the aquarium, stuffed animals (literal and pillows), 15 foot tall fly fishing rods, and venison burgers will take anyone to the cabin life within seconds.

Upon returning home the wife decided to extend her morning shopping to several hours versus “I’m going out for a few things”. Late afternoon she stumbles looking five drinks past sober and she announced a freedom to do what I want for the balance of the evening. Of course my mind had non-kosher ideas involving minty scents and Nurse/Doctor costumes, but the kids were up and since I had a need for some live poker playing with Vegas on the horizon, the decision was made to hit up the new card club.

Running Aces near Forest Lake is the new kid on the tundra and color me very impressed with the place. I wasn’t there on a writing/reviewing/photoing trip so no formal notes were taken, but being 30 minutes from my house this place will be receiving more action from this degenerate gambler should the opportunities appear in the future:

The D├ęcor: soft, light colored, very clean, plenty of space to stretch without feeling crowded. The chairs were adjustable to height and very comfortable; being not-so-short my knees did not take a beating from the six hour session

The Staff: Wow. And wow again. Polite, accommodating, friendly. Hell, even on the way out as I checked out the rack of tournaments and special events a dealer who was hitting up the ATM stopped for five minutes to explain the Sunday Tournaments (nearly 200-300 players every Sunday for their big $320 weekend tourney) and several other promos. I asked the dealers to listen for my name for the Omaha seat (while in $2/$4 HE), and half the table plus the dealer shot up when it was announced.

The Drink Staff: Cougar-city, raaaaaaaaaaaaaawr. No young bouncy ladies here but real women you’d buy decent scotch on the rocks, maybe a steak dinner, and she’d show you things only seen in the MILF section of YouPorn.com. Aside from the fairly attractive staff, they were again courteous, fast, and even provided free smile that had no hint of sarcasm.

The Games: Granted, one non-HE game running but since the wall of AARP rocks at the O8 table (4/8 with half-kill on a $40 scoop) that huddled around the five to nine seats were boring the fish to death the game didn’t suck. Nor did the action at the $2/$4 seat as I played 90% of the hands dealt for two hours and had more fun chatting it up with the table versus check-raising the hoodie guy on my right who played SERIOUS. POKER. Yep, $56 stack, me calling off his hands, and offer to buy him a drink wasn’t cracking this sour-puss to lighten the fuck up francis. Luckily the cool dealers and other chatty folks were having fun cracking my 93o to the tune of $8. The place did run a sizable amount of spread limit ($2-$60) type games which I did not imbibe because a) I hate hold em’ and b) spread limit gives me hives despite having a fairly good ROI in those games

The –EV Games: No commission Pai Gow?!?!!? Sadly, it was after six hours of battling nut lows against the oxygen tanks that I saw the sign for this, maybe next time. I instead gave away $40 playing 4-card poker which I made the mistake of getting in between two couple who had an hour long conversation over/around/thru my head which made me ask for a beer despite getting ready for the ride home. Again, polite dealers, pit bosses, and drink service in this section.

The Bar/Restaurant: I’m sure its nice, as I’ll write up this next time when I have the chance to delve into the eats beyond some rather tasty chicken fingers (note to tall blonde with legs that wouldn’t stop waitress: I’m a honey mustard versus BBQ type guy, but you’ll get over-tipped anyway).

End result: Loss of $56. Well worth the night of watching the old dude with a front porch that could seat all of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader at the O8 table waddle to the “Club VIP” room for free pretzels every five minutes. Little things like people watching make my card room experience must more win then winning. Ok, winning would have been better but factor in the drinks and food the actual gambling loss was paying rake.

---

Vikes won. No gloating due to the score not reflecting the horrible performance of our quarterback again. Gus is just too old/beaten for this anymore, much like Brad Johnson’s flop-fest as Pinkiegate was going on, he can’t chuck the ball down field 50 yards to a streaking Rice or Berrian. Heck, even the stable targets were finding lame ducks thrown at their feet. Defense came up big, again. Could the Vikes pull off a 2000-2001 Raven-like playoff run? Bears at home in front of a national audience this week and the prospect of DP curling up into a ball after Neckbeard gets hammered by something other then a liter of Jack will make the game watchable at least. Wager sir?

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Tomorrow, my thanks to PokerStars (and someone else) towards funding our lower-middle income contribution to the economy. It’s big but not so big that it wouldn’t fit.

Hop over to see last night's Warm-Up report if you're so kind.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Stuart Smalley Liked By More People


For those of you looking for Minnesota Senate race recount news... Franken is steadily gaining votes.


Virtually Alive

Toby Keith starts singing about slamming a few Budweisers down by the creek on the back of the Ford F-350 after his gal broke up with him last night because he was caught shooting her three-legged dog and day 12,401 of the Drizz Show begins. At first the room weaves a bit as the program still hasn’t loaded to full capacity thanks to Vista and its memory sucking goodness. Unfortunately the mirror in the bathroom has no beauty button and I’m still stuck with this fugly face and ex-athlete body but can upgrade from whiskey soaked stubble to baby bottom smooth after a quick shower.

After reaching my +20/20 glasses of correction the room straighten out a bit as the choice of wardrobe is presented in front of me while the spousal unit literally rolls out of bed in search of hot water. After choosing pants, belt, shirt, boxer briefs, and a sock combination that will elicit the least amount of ire from the half-awake wife and co-workers we’re off to serve up quickie breakfast since the children are most gracious for 5am wake-up calls that are better left for Navy SEALs.

The ride along the pitch black highway is coated with thousand points of lights which seem dour as the same display is shown every morning while the digits freeze against the icicle of a steering wheel. But, today I looked above the lights; saw a canvas instead of a sea of red hurrying off to their economy battered companies, holding out for new presidential and self assurances that the ship will right itself in time.

For a moment I took off those virtual reality glasses we all wear to view and interact with the world in 1080p with the latest plasma and HD technology. There were no cables, no spoon, no wires restricting movement, just factors that push towards that morning destination. Money for the house, for food, kid’s education, your wife’s attempt to win back her body self-esteem, to retain the same game and comforts keep you snuggled up in your favorite life blanket all didn’t matter from the blank black sky.

Sure this virtual reality comes with peripheral vision to check the base runners and extra sensory devices that even the best lesbian double dildo orgy on YouPorn couldn’t fire up enough tingle to match. Its still nothing but a series of actions/reactions to the environment around a person wearing their own virtual reality glasses that you and you alone can see through. Nobody else can force those body movements of yours that resulted in hitting the f’in doorknob with your elbow again, or feeling the tight, spider monkey clutch of a loving toddler after reading the Scooby-Doo step one easy reading book before bed.

Less and less each day I find myself bitching about the “have to” and working for the weekend, and more looking forward to slipping on my personal virtual glasses and taking spin in the un-winnable game while enjoying the little things like a perfectly crafted oatmeal chocolate chip cookie and minty ice cream. Despite no end game and no uber monster to slay that will drop +5 Shield of King Midas, there’s a reason to play and if you stop for just a moment during a regular meeting, commute to work, or as this is a poker-ish blog, look over the top of the felt and just listen and feel the activity going on around the table without burdening yourself with “obligations”. Honestly, there are none in this game, your choice to get married, have kids, not live on the corner of Hennepin and 5th in a cardboard box were all set by playing the game and reacting to the environment presented in front of you.

Tomorrow on day 12,402 and for the future when the program loads again, my only hope is that the comforts I’ve built through work, friends, and most of all family will still be there to provide the little nudge not to give up on the game and keep the ball from draining down the side alley.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Mean Guys

Just one quick blurb today since the ink has run dry and nobody’s home except mindless highway observations of dickwads in $50K+ beast-mobiles that feel the need to ignore things like turn signals and train of Kindergarten kids crossing a busy intersection. I swear these Armani power suited drivers would plow through a wall of the next generation should they impede their few precious minutes getting to a Chai Tea/hamster colonic cleansing appointment.

Since I’m new to this UFC/MMA thing, please explain all the comments found at Yahoo this morning about Brock Lesnar being undeserving of a title shot regardless of short history within the octagon? And the one comment I’d like to bring out:


How can you say that Brock Lesnar is going to dominate this era? As you know,
mixed martial arts is a game of matchups. While I think Randy Couture still can
beat a lot of fighters out there, I don’t see him matching up well with Lesnar.
That leads me to believe that there are match ups (a lot of them) that are not
in Lesnar’s favor. I’m glad you mentioned Gabriel Gonzaga because he is one who
I think can beat Lesnar. I also see Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir as
other fighters who could beat him in the UFC. Outside the UFC, Alistair Overeem,
Josh Barnett and even Cro Cop come to mind. The only people I see Lesnar beating
are brawlers (Heath Herring) and wrestlers (Couture, and I realize that Barnett
has a wrestling background but his ground game is pretty amazing), purely based
off the fact that Lesnar is too big. If he fights technically skilled fighters,
I think that Lesnar is at a huge disadvantage. Your thoughts?


Spot on. But, who's to say those "technically sound" fighters would even get a chance at an armbar or submission? Lesner IS a world-class wrestler, and former NCAA champ who went 106-5 in four years at the U of M (that's Minnesota, suck it Big Blue), given his size, speed, and being fairly technical himself how does one even tie him up like those great fights you see in the lower weight divisions? Aren't the heavyweights more brawlers going for a knockout versus the figure-four leglock?
Also noted, the submission was the reason why Lesnar has a 1 in the loss column, but doesn't his abeit brief experience in the MMA learn to avoid this for future fights?


Maybe someone with a MMA fetish out there could shine some light on the subject.


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Sadly due to MN law no more Growlers of Surly will be sold past New Year's Eve, but... that doesn't stop them from passing out a special double IPA near the end of the year to those (like THIS GUY) who have Growlers at home waiting to be filled (two down, one left). If I could cuddle with a beer and offer lines of sweet, whispered nothings just for a chance to get to second base with this fine line of alcoholic beverages, Surly would be my Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls Lindsay, not clam bumping Lindsay).
Maybe its time for a new dream girl to handle the morning wood.


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hookers Need Some Lovin Too


Anyone besides me and IT pick Cleveland to win last night?


IN YOUR FACE!! (if you did I'm sure you're extremely pretty and everybody wants you)


Phil Dawson has a leg of gold, the Bills are cursed worse then my favorite squad, and Brady Quinn should be in Vegas doubling down on 16 with a face card showing for the dealer while hookers like Tela lick his ear promising some strap-on fun with her watermelon chested friend Kimmie behind the Show in the Sky stage for a few black chips.


Haven't met Tela? *opens curtain to Tao of Poker*


Pauly, Otis, and Howard hit up the infamous Hooker Bar at the Rio and get a express ride on the seedy side of Vegas that people like myself rarely see.


I have gone to Vegas at least once a year since I turned 21 and not ONCE has a lady of the night decided I was taint-licking worthy. Porn slappers usually go for the triple-snap-loop as I stroll by on the Strip, enticing me to call the number for fresh, hot pussy delivery in 30 minutes or less or the warm-up blow job is free. But the whores themselves run for greener pastures by the quarter blackjack tables as I find my seat at the bar for a Cap'n Coke.


Clearly I need to become a propane saleman from Colorado.


After reading another post from Vegas by Pauly, one wonders why one of the November Nine didn't put Dan Michalski on payroll to stand behind their opponent while heads-up. Any chance we could get the Gold Coast to let him stand behind the dealer at 4:30am while attempting to break the ice queen of a pit boss for some steak and eggs?


---


If you're playing the Bodoggie series... this will not end well should Waffles win.



It's Payback Time! Think You Can Take Out The Infamous Sir
Waffles?


On Thursday's November 20th Bodog blogger tournament,
there will be a bounty on the head of the biggest donkey of them all, the
notorious Sir Waffles!


Don't miss this opportunity to take revenge on or even
up the score with Waffles! If you are the lucky poker blogger to knock out
Waffles, you will receive a credit of T$109 to play in Bodog's $100K Guaranteed
Tournament occurring each Sunday at 4 PM!


Just what is Bodog's 100K Guaranteed
Tournament?


With one of the biggest overlays in the industry, the
value of this tournament is literally unbeatable!



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Vegas is in less then a month now, I've started to withdraw my spending cash, make plans to be with those A thru Z listers who are kind enough to read these pages as well as the plethora of Vietnamese manicured blogs out there that let you step into another person's skin without the itchy irritation of flannel. Bring your bust out prize, bring yourself.




I busted Waffles and it's a sweater!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Two Minus Two Does Not Equal Four

Well that was a downer on an uplifting weekend The Vikes seem to have a pre-written script they follow before Longwell knocks the opening kickoff to the opponent’s two yard line. Crush the first half with Purple Jesus and a pass rush that invokes the ghost of guys like Eller, Marshall, Millard, Randle. Then put the mini-van into cruise control while dressing down Christy Brinkley in the red sports car in the second half while dreaming about hitting the Megabucks at the Luxor.



The word “quarters” implies four pieces, not two, and if the Vikings want to prove they were only a few acquisitions from becoming a legit playoff/Super Bowl team, an effort to play a whole game needs to be shown by the entire team. The defense gave the offense several chances by holding the Bucs to field goals despite giving up golden field position in the second half. NFL pariah to the running back position, awesome speed guy on the outside, a resurgent tight end who’s hands went from bricks to pillows, fortress for a front four, and 80-year old quarterback lacking Viagra while staring down The Wife in her beer bitch uniform.
Limp, flaccid, and a dozen other synonyms for mush, the Vikes need something better then a rent-a-wreck at QB to “get by”, they are a playoff team but keep showing up for the exams without studying or going to class, which is fine until the material exceeds what you learn playing bar trivia on Tuesday and Thursdays at Dave and Buster’s.

In other news, the Surly CynicAle kicked much ass, as I kicked down another growler during the game. *burp*


Poker continued to please my wallet in a home game with some co-workers. Rivered flushes came in, value bets got the call, and she finally wanted anal! I’m not doing anything different on the virtual or real felt except playing more hands and not looking at the cards as much as the players and their stacks. The whine about cold hands and worse suckouts in T-minus three days if poker-y ideas make their way to this spot on the internets.

Anyone getting excited for Vegas?

I know The Wife is, since she’ll be donning some brand, spanking new Viking apparel (just kidding, actually your husband's idea was much better). And due to his zest in selections, I’ll be awarding the free beer and $10 wager to Waffles but Bayne's cheerleader suggestion is noted. I'll her pick out the bottom though to be fair. Let me know the sizes and learn the Vikings fight song before getting to the sportsbook. SKOL!!

If you're playing poker in December hit up Falstaff with the RSVP, I will be dining at the casino that night and regulated to railbird or hitting up the mixed game after stuffing my face with expensive steak and frites at Bouchon's.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Graceful as a 400 pound ballerina

Yahoo states Dub-Yah "ended term gracefully".

I don't call this midnight rule making "graceful" nor "productive" (story below copied shamelessly from Wicked Chops):

My favorite line from the Reuters synopsis of the new law...

"For purposes of the rule, unlawful Internet gambling generally would cover the making of a bet or
wager that involves use of the Internet and that is unlawful under any
applicable federal or state law in the jurisdiction where the bet or wager is
initiated, received or otherwise made," the Treasury said.


Lawyers eat ambiguity for breakfast, enjoy the pancakes and sausage folks.

And to the banking industry, you should have shouted a little louder and maybe now should catch the ear of the president-elect to end this.

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Bodoggie info below, Evelyn Ng will be there, my participation more cloudy:

Think you have what it takes to knock out a poker superstar?



On Thursday November 13th, 2008 poker sensation, Evelyn Ng will compete in the Bodog Blogger Tournament Series.



There will be a bounty on her head for T$109 to play in Bodog's $100K Guaranteed Tournament occurring each Sunday at 4 PM.



If Evelyn wins this tournament, the T$109 credit to play in Bodog's $100K Guaranteed Tournament will go to the poker blogger that places 1st runner up.



This blogger tournament series is open to poker bloggers worldwide and runs on Tuesday and Thursday evenings at 9:05 PM ET.



More details are available at the official blogger series site at http://www.bodogbloggertournament.com/



Learn more about professional poker player Evelyn Ng at http://poker.bodoglife.com/team-bodog/evelyn-ng.html

It May Be Snowing, But I'm Not Cold

A kind reminder that the contest for dressing up The Wife as my NFL Sunday beer bitch is still open to whoever is going to blogger meet and drink in Vegas next month. Waffles certainly came on strong (as predicted) but there's time before I hit up the pro shop close to the dome for the final Vikings accoutrements she shall don while fetching countless Cap'n Cokes (or waters depending on late night Pai Gow/Craps/Skillet drunkeness).

Waffles like yes? Sadly, no sambas.

I tried to find heels for the shoe lover but all I could find were Crocs. Hmmm... ok that's just mean.

Cami? I like.

I'll even throw in a $10 NFL wager of your choice on any team except the Packers if both I and The Wife approve of your submission.

---

Ever feel like you're supposed to say something, but know if you do the reprecussions may outlive the usefulness of the words. There's things at home that need to be said as I've been lost for sometime now, getting out of bed late at night to stare at the frost bitten ground and baren trees of the backyard to release thoughts that tear me apart daily. For unknown reasons the internal computer will not power down, constantly thinking of "why", "what if", and "why not" instead of enjoying the moment, the laughter, the now.

Home life has improved greatly since a year ago. The puzzle's framework is solid, but missing pieces continue to distort the final picture leaving an unfinished picture. Is it my unwillingness to live with status quo? Am I selfish for wanting reciprocation instead of a cold shoulder on most nights?

Much like the paper cuts draped across my knuckles from the recent cold wind, they hurt slowly but not enough to ruin my day and its nothing that some peppermint lotion wouldn't cure.

---

This story from Pokerati

Wow.

Just. Give. It. Up.

Everyone from the Treasury to the banking community tells you this is a bad idea EVEN THOUGH SOME DON'T LIKE GAMBLING, yet you try to push through a bad law DURING A BANKING AND ECONOMIC SHITSTORM.

Stop listening to the bible-thumpers for two seconds and use common sense. If people who don't gamble are even saying they don't agree with the way this law passed AND the rules behind it, why cram yet another horrible chapter to your presidential legacy.

The link is the actual article on the midnight rule making found at Pokerati. Would a punny 15 year penalty for Unsportsmanlike Conduct to William Wichterman seem appropriate?

---

Tonight Mookie, tomorrow Evy Baby (I pwns jOO @ Guitar Hero!!!11oneoneone, actually no she'd kick my ass). Details are out there about the Bodoggie extra prize, I'll post em here tomorrow. Still a great tourney to play with the massive overlay and deep stacks.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Move Over Phil, Eastgate New Youngest WSOP Main Event Champ

You could look at mainstream reporting (highlighting) of the WSOP final table...

But, we all know the gonzo reporting of Dr. Pauly and tilting Otis on prop bets is where the heart of the poker story is at.

Take a bow guys and gals, F-Train, Change100, and everyone else who's clearing out of the Penn and Teller theater from the 2008 WSOP Final Table as Peter Eastgate is heads to Spearmint Rhino for a victory lap with a single mother of two who's saving up for law school after winning.

You guys earned a drink, a cheer, and nap for bringing the color of the Amazon room to the internets. Thanks.

For a bonus, here's a video of the Joe Theismann approved injury to Charles Gordon:



Ow.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Dressing Up After Halloween

Ah, the smell of success. Lately, that smell has been a cross between a six month old rotten loaf of bread under a dorm room bed and an overdone slab of steak. The virus ping pong that me and the boy have been playing for almost two weeks has been less then enjoyable with the two a.m. anal wake-up calls and certain death stares from the other side of the bed should my digestive system stain the new sheets.

Hi, how are YOU doin this Monday!

Parasite talks aside, Vikes managed to squeak wide right after dominating the game up until half way thru the third quarter when the Pack decided they couldn’t score against the one-armed Jared Allen bulldOOOOOOOOOzer and scored against our weak-ass punt return team and a pick for a touchdown. Chilly tried to bring out the illusive Pass #2 play in the fourth quarter to shake up 52 year old Gus Frerotte, but it was Purple Jesus rising once again through and around the big front line with a forearm shiver that made Andre the Giant stand up out of his grave and take notice. I’ll let the internet suck-off of Adrian stop there but reserve the right start it up again next week.

The 64oz. of Surly Furious went down silky smooth right next to the homemade pretzels I whipped up thanks to a recipe from a friend of mine adding to a blissful afternoon on the couch that ended with a one-hour mental nap before busting out the PokerStars Sunday Warm-up final table recap (four hands of heads-up play with no chop like last night? Yes, please).

Pauly and Otis were covering a slightly bigger final table at the Rio as I followed while writing last night.

Read both (Pauly's live blog link).

Do it now (Otis' last post of the night, several more are under the "World Series" tag).

If you wussed out and slept last night like me, Phillips lost the lead quickly at the beginning but rallied. Its Eastgate vs. Demidov today. Over/under on the number of hands to decide the WSOP final table? Could it end like the two LAGs that I covered last night and end in four hands?

Oh, I’m taking suggestions for The Wife’s uniform as my personal assistant (read: beer bitch)during the NFL games next month in Vegas. Pictures are highly suggested as I'll happily purchase the attire after confirming the winning threads with the losing Cheesehead. Bonus points for the words "Mesh", "See-through", and "Silk" (is she sweating yet? cue evil laughter).

The winning submission will get a free drink served by my slave in Vegas.

SKOL!!!!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

This Post is Sho'Nuff Approved



Should I start the gloating now, or let it simmer until tomorrow? :)







I've got the GLOW of post-sex V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!!!!!!!



I'll wait till tomorrow after I clean up my mess. SKOL CHEESEHEADS!!!!! Since I agreed to a uniform for the beer bitch, what shall I choose? Maybe take something from Bam-Bam's page? :)



Ryan Fee Charges the Field in San Jose

Tonight, I'm on duty for the Sunday Warm-up, someone make a final table for once!!!

Press release from the recent LAPT event win by Ryan Fee from PokerStars:

POKERSTARS LAPT SEASON TWO KICKS OFF WITH AMERICAN RYAN FEE WINNING SAN
JOSE CHAMPIONSHIP AND $285,773

2008 Latin American Poker Tour –
NOVEMBER 7, 2008 -- A former college student turned poker pro won his
first major tournament today. Ryan Fee, a 20-year-old online poker player from
Philadelphia, PA won one of Costa Rica’s biggest poker events ever. The
international poker tournament, which attracted players from five different
continents and 33 different countries, was the first event of Season
Two on the Latin American Poker Tour sponsored by PokerStars.net.

Fee topped a
highly-competitive field of 219 players and won the top cash prize of more than
a quarter million dollars. The tournament which cost $3,700 to enter was
one of the highest buy-in events ever held in the Latin America. In fact, this
year’s entry fee was $1,000 more than last year – which served as the inaugural
LAPT offering. Nonetheless, Fee – who plays poker regularly at PokerStars and
who admitted he had very little live tournament experience – won a most
impressive victory.

The three-day event was held at the Ramada
Plaza Herradura Conference Centre in San Jose. Adorned in Costa Rican flags and
PokerStars banners, the tournament room provided the flavor of an international
sporting event. The tournament's final hand was typical of three exciting
days of poker action. Fee was dealt A-10. His opponent Joel Micka was
dealt 4-4 and was out-chipped by a small margin. It appeared Micka might
win the big hand until the fateful river card was dealt -- an ace which gave Fee
the Costa Rican poker championship. The final board showed K-Q-7-8-A,
giving Fee a winning pair of aces.

Fee says that he plans to play
in more upcoming LAPT tournaments, including next month's tournament in Nuevo
Vallarta, Mexico. But first, Fee will return to his home in
Philadelphia. "I want to be home for Thanksgiving," Fee
said. "But after that, I am going to play as many LAPT events as I can.
This victory feels just great."

Based on yet another successful
LAPT event, poker in Latin America is here to stay. "We are extremely excited to
have launched LAPT Season 2, by returning here to San Jose, surrounded by the
beautiful tropics of Costa Rica,” said Glenn Cademartori, LAPT President. “We
were fortunate enough to host such a great tournament in a spectacular venue for
our Latin American players, as well as players from 33 countries around the
globe."

“Ryan Fee is a great young champion and was quite taken
aback having won our biggest first prize to date. He is a sharp guy and has
certainly made his mark in the poker industry with this win. We look forward to
seeing him in Mexico next month,” Cademartori added. “We are quite pleased with
how smoothly the tournament ran and received plenty of praise from our satisfied
players. Many of them will be joining us for our next stop in Nuevo Vallarta,
Mexico, December 5-7. We’re breaking new ground in Mexico, just as we did in
Brazil last Season. We have created the new standard for the Latin American
poker experience.”

Last year’s LAPT Season One attracted 1,063
players in just three events. Season 2, will include as many as six events and
promises to be considerably bigger with tournaments planned for Mexico, Chile,
Brazil, Uruguay, and Argentina.

Satellites for the LAPT Neuvo
Vallarta event are available daily at PokerStars. Players have the chance to win
a prize package which includes a main event buy-in, accommodation for four
nights, and spending money for expenses. Please visit http://www.lapt.com/
for more information and updates on the tour dates and how to qualify.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Furiously In Love


Three Growlers: one of each Furious, Cynic , and Bender
If you're a beer lover, its hard to go wrong with Surly which is one of the best in the world fresh from the tap and only a 10 minute drive from Casa De Drizz!!
The question is... which one will carry the Vikes to victory tomorrow?

Friday, November 07, 2008

Packers vs. Vikes (For the love of all that is holy win one f'in time)

Loser of the wager is the other person's beer/drinks/food/massage bitch for the NFL games on Sunday.

Deal?

Coach Childress, you're on notice if you lose #6 in a row to the lowly Pack.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

When Eating Is Not Your Friend

Wish I could bang out a couple of words on my recent poker forays but I'll be too busy today diving in and out of the bathroom thanks to my son's ability to attract viral cells and distribute them with the efficiency of army ants rebuilding their hill after disgruntled homeowners sweep one out of their garage.

For poker goodness, I suggest checking out the team of Otis and F-Train tearing up the Puerto Rico stop of the PokerStars LAPT. Scroll backwards from this post to get a feel for Ryan Fee's victory there.

I fixed the link to the wonderful Channel 4 website with cheeseheads display their lack of civic knowledge. Jay Leno-esqe video goodness is included.

With that said its Pack vs. Vikes week. How could I possibly embarrass myself this time in my bet with The Wife?

I'll leave the suggestions to you the reader as my colon's spidey sense of fecal matter is going off yet again. Long live the BRAT diet!

...

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Starting at Quarterback: #44 Barack Obama

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our
time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our
kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the
American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are
one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and
doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless
creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United
States of America
.

Cheers to hopefully "getting there".



Locally however, I was disappointed the educational levy was defeated again possibly bringing further cuts for the kids who were shuffled around after last year's levy narrowly lost out. Yet, Minnesotans willingly asked for a 25 year sales tax increase despite pleas that such increase was uneccessary to upkeep our wildlife and lakes.

Now comes the wait and see period like an expectant father snacking on Cinnamon flavored Teddy Grahams in the hospital waiting room that wussed out on watching the alien shoot out of their wives/girlfriend's ever expanding love tunnel. Will Americans buy into the above speech? Or will they start printing "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For McCain" bumper stickers before January 20th?

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

You Stay Classy Madison

Click here for the link to the news story from the OFFICIAL PACKERS STATION and watch the video.

Be afraid that some of these cheeseheads went to the polls tonight to vote Susan B. Anthony in as the new Queen or may go fishing in the Nile after work today.

Wednesday Update: LINK FIXED!!!!!

Lining Up For the Vote

Are we voting in the lesser of two evils today?

One sounds like all wealth of the US is about to get thrown up in the air and whoever has the highest vertical or loudest bullhorn will be pocketing it.

The other is a partial return to the past eight years with eye candy and future totally-mavericky SNL skits this time.

Rebuttals to the statements above are welcome.

The "interviews" on Monday Night Football last night? I thought both stumbled thru Boomer's hard-hitting questions *cough* but McCain walked away the victor with the rubes by using the "he-could-go-all-the-way" line that died out with Generra Hypercolor t-shirts and crimped hair you could surf on. Props again for McCain reaching out to Joe Six-Pack versus Joe the Plumber, smart move that might have won a few ESPN-type sport dudes votes.

I'm sure people have received this email this morning:

2008 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE COMPARISON TALKING POINTS ISSUE

JOHN McCAIN - BARACK OBAMA

Favors new drilling offshore US
Yes-No

Will appoint judges who interpret the law not make it
Yes-No

Served in the US Armed Forces
Yes-No

Amount of time served in the US Senate
22 YEARS-173 DAYS

Will institute a socialized national health care plan
No-Yes

Supports abortion throughout the pregnancy
No-Yes

Would pull troops out of Iraq immediately
No-Yes

Supports gun ownership rights
Yes-NoS

Supports homosexual marriage
No-Yes

Proposed programs will mean a huge tax increase
No-Yes

Voted against making English the official language
No-Yes

Voted to give Social Security benefits to illegals
No-Yes

CAPITAL GAINS TAX
MCCAIN
0% on home sales up to $500,000 per home (couples). McCain does not propose any change in existing home sales income tax.
OBAMA
28% on profit from ALL home sales. (How does this affect you? If you sell your home and make a profit, you will pay 28% of your gain on taxes. If you are heading toward retirement and would like to down-size your home or move into a retirement community, 28% of the money you make from your home will go to taxes. This proposal will adversely affect the elderly who are counting on the income from their homes as part of their retirement income.)

DIVIDEND TAX
MCCAIN15% (no change)
OBAMA39.6% - (How will this affect you? If you have any money invested in stock market, IRA, mutual funds, college funds, life insurance, retirement accounts, or anything that pays or reinvests dividends, you will now be paying nearly 40% of the money earned on taxes if Obama becomes president. The experts predict that 'Higher tax rates on dividends and capital gains would crash the stock market, yet do absolutely nothing to cut the deficit.')

INCOME TAX
MCCAIN(no changes)Single making 30K - tax $4,500Single making 50K - tax $12,500Single making 75K - tax $18,750Married making 60K- tax $9,000Married making 75K - tax $18,750Married making 125K - tax $31,250
OBAMA (reversion to pre-Bush tax cuts)Single making 30K - tax $8,400Single making 50K - tax $14,000Single making 75K - tax $23,250Married making 60K - tax $16,800Married making 75K - tax $21,000Married making 125K - tax $38,750

INHERITANCE TAX
MCCAIN- 0% (No change, Bush repealed this tax)OBAMARestore the inheritance taxMany families have lost businesses, farms, ranches, and homes that have been in their families for generations because they could not afford the inheritance tax. Those willing their assets to loved ones will only lose them to these taxes.

NEW TAXES PROPOSED BY OBAMA

New government taxes proposed on homes that are more than 2400 square feet. New gasoline taxes.New taxes on natural resources consumption (heating gas, water, electricity)New taxes on retirement accounts; and,New taxes to pay for socialized medicine so we can receive the same level of medical care as other third-world countries!!! You can verify the above at the following web sites:

http://money.cnn.com/news/specials/election/2008/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/issues/issues.taxes.htmlhttp://elections.foxnews.com/?s=proposed+taxes
http://bulletin.aarp.org/yourworld/politics/articles/mccain_obama_offer_different_visions_on_taxes.htmlhttp://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/candidates/barack_obama/
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/candidates/john_mccain/

Anyone have the Obama version of a chain email?

Any chance voters could line veto the issues by each candidate and build some Six-Million Dollar (to build Lee Majors is probably close to $21 million in today's dollars) presidential hopeful ?

I will be voting despite having to throw the proverbial dart on the wall since neither candidate for president nor the senate race between Franken and Coleman really jumps out as a clear winner in my book.

My wife, who got to school at six a.m. this morning, told me people were lined up at the building to vote nearly two hours before the polls open; like the day after Thanksgiving and only three $10 40 inch flat-screen TVs were being sold at Target. Even with the sense of national apathy as 401k plans are tanking faster then a dump taken after the Conquistador special washed down by five shots of Patron Silver at Don Pablos, people are going to let their voices be heard today.

That’s at least a start.

Monday, November 03, 2008

When Can I Jump On the Bandwagon?

In the world of “yes, I’d like more please” are the expansion of the NFL season to 18 games instead of the current 16 and more soccer wags (is that the term?) or groupies or whatever the proper term for proper football hotties like the ones standing here nicely squared up for team spirit reasons can be found in various stages of undress.

Or I could always hit up Al for more such pictoral perfection of the female form.

Obama-mania or John "The Mavericky One" McCain. Whoever wins tomorrow please remove your executive ass from my television set unless there's peace in the middle east and my friend doesn't have to say his round of goodbyes again or NASA came up with a new way to prevent stupid from coming out of my mouth. The out-of-body experience of listening to the sounds of my vocal chords bounce into the air this weekend and at the same exact moment wanting to apply a spiked sledgehammer forcefully to my jaw to prevent the lowering the IQs of even the townie barfly with the fake eyelashes, bebe shirt stretched to the max, and stripper glitter trying too hard to hit on a group of seven married guys.

Stupid is, stupid does, and left wondering how to turn the faucet of bad one-liners off before I end up playing for an audience of one in a nice, pink padded cell with the complete works of Mozart looping in the background.

Schaub-y gots owie and I didn't receive one taunt from she-who-actually-watches-that-team. Unfortunately for the lovely Texas April, the Vikes decided to take the +7 Water Pill of Pigskin Dominance yesterday.

Jared Allen - bigger bulldozer then Hevad Khan with a 20:1 heads up chip lead. Multiple times his blocker's back found the Metrodome turf while Schaub and Rosenfeld's faces matched their jerseys when they got an intimate viewing of his sweat band.

Bernard Berrian - earning his paycheck with receiving not seen since Moss got a lifelong Vikes fan to attend a football game somewhere besides the Met or that plastic bubble on Kirby Puckett's named street

Visanthe Shiancoe - whatever hobby store is supplying that glove adhesive, I suggest a marketing deal for purchasing their stock of 5:1 ratio 60's muscle cars and three stage rockets in return of your recent ability to catch a football

The Williams Kids - Stop hitting up Old Country Buffet's prime rib night and stick to rice cakes to make weight.

For the first time this year the Vikes didn't backdoor into a win/loss, they earned the outcome and if you want Exhibit 1a of how a good team can go from looking like the 1998 Vikes to the 1984 Les Steckel experiment, the Cowboys/Giants game yesterday should be the new PSA for all NFL teams looking to just get by with a 57 year old backup or a career benchwarmer looking to run the wishbone offense. Ugly game.

On a brighter note for those waiting for Romo's pinky to heal for football throwing not Shocker purposes, while out with the guys this weekend I found a four pack of this for the cagey one, which I'll purchase once the Vegas trip becomes closer to smelling the gambling despiration waft thru the Imperial Palace lobby. Tough beer to find despite living within midget throwing distance of the brewery for whatever reason.

And for Viking fanboi purposes... PACKERS SUCK!

There, I've completed this week's turn on the bandwagon.