Youth Gone Wild

I've been trying to get out these words after reading the blogs about the "younger" set of internet poker phenoms running over the asshat limit.

Here's that post in words that only Otis could weave together to get the message out without sounding like that old jaded rock in the worn out Gold Coast t-shirt and fanny pack who only plays wired pairs above 8s and AK while in position and is still playing only for the $1/hour comps so he can buy a hot dog for dinner.

And to those who are way late to the Neteller party, send that email to get back your account number you once memorized and withdraw immediately if not sooner. G-Rob lets you in on the disclaimer they have you mark but don't necessarily have to agree to for the funds...

... or you could buy a new kitchen like Otis with the "found" change in the proverbial Neteller couch

Me? I have my eye on a certain trip in December since the money was a little less then a set of new stainless steel appliances. But will pay for a lukewarm sandwich and cookie on Sun Country Airlines.

Rockin Mediocrity With Flair

Absolute Poker continues to irritate me as a “customer service rep” decided to tell me my eyewear prescription is out-of-date and the balance of my account should be the amount given by PokerSourceOnline several days ago. I informed the helpful desk jockey that indeed the balance of my account sits at a modest $1.40 at the present time, and that this was not the first time they have misaligned my funds as I’m not motivated enough to start a low-limit, self-abusing challenge on the penny tables to grind enough Lincoln coins for an extra packet of honey mustard sauce at McDonald’s.

But, with some nifty “confirmation” numbers I was shown that indeed the funds were used… just not placed into my account and we’re back to square minus one. Last time this was cleared up in four days, its day six at the moment and Richard Hatch is still trying to talk Rob and Amber into an alliance with no avail. We’ll see this evening if my well-crafted email describing the weight of a small blog is enough to win the reward challenge and maybe I’ll receive a slice of pizza (pepperoni and bacon please), a toothbrush, a fishing net, and some peppermint lotion (cold weather dries the skin yo).

As for building my own little tower of chips without the assistance of someone who learned the wonders of clicking their right mouse button, I managed to earn an entire U.S. dollar yesterday thanks to a Hold Em’ table of sunglasses wearing WPT fanbois taking my PLO8 profits. I wasn’t about to call down with 4th pair or make a world-class bluff against kids who bet $24 into a $3 pot with only $60 behind. I managed to get check-raised seven times in a course of an hour but six of the times it went to showdown with other players and I patted myself on the back for releasing to a superior hand, still didn’t help the losing though.

Win the max, lose the min, and try the veal, right?

Reading Bill’s excellent adventure with the new payment processors and Neteller is quite alarming and should be a wake up call for those who think life on the virtual felt will continue to be as smooth as a Grammy award winning Bobby McFarrin song. At least I should be able to snag that iPod before the peas and chicken noodle soup filled diaper hits the fan. But, I’m not blind to the fact that the funds sitting within Stars and Full Tilt at the present time are not going to easily make it to Best Buy to purchase the Wii (or any games) any time soon. Doesn’t it seem as though we’re playing with play chips despite the $ sitting behind the numbers in our stacks?

Once the liquidity left my virtual accounts, I have lost all regards of those funds as being “money”. I wonder how many other players feel the same way.

Thanks for dropping by, now don’t worry, be happy (just don’t expect to see your Neteller funds anytime soon).

Yep, The Kids Caught On Quickly

Remember how I wrote this...


Welcome to the 2+2 get yo' PokerStars/Full Tilt/money outta Neteller free-for-all. "$15 per transaction!" "Only 5% vig!!!" "Increased risk! Now charging 12%!!"

Sigh.

I really wanted that Wii. Granted my Neteller funds amount to a nice room in Atlantic City and maybe a cheap hooker, but its still money I don't have (and may never receive) to get the Wii.

Protect Me From Me

Thank you Neteller. Thank you U.S. Government. Thank you Bill Frist.

You have just opened the floodgates to teaching the poker playing youth of this country how to launder money and take full advantage of basic economic concepts without attending a three hour lecture hall class three days a week for a semester.

Need chips on PokerStars? NO PROBLEM!! Just forward $50 to my (insert "acceptable eWallet here like PayPal) and I'll transfer over $35 in PokerStars currency!!

Had a bad run at Full Tilt? I feel for you, I do. But don't despair!! Because with $100 deposited in my PayPal account you'll get a bonus $5 in Full Tilt chips for $75!!! WHAT A FUCKIN GREAT DEAL EH?

Yes, the "EH" was intentional for reasons that the blunt skulls in Washington should figure out. I hope Lee Jones and our Irish friends at FullTilt have been cooking up a contingency plan for this occurence because after hearing word of Neteller's complete withdrawl my zest for playing poker went right out the window, despite the possiblity of some VERY easy money from people playing out of their bankrolls.

I found very good read that tied into this newest form of parenting by our elected representatives from Christopher Hitchens this morning titled "A Life of Living Dangerously" in January's edition of Maxim (Lacey Chabert doesn't suck to look at either). Go pick up a copy or maybe they'll have it posted on the Maxim website (which I can't access at work...). Basically its a three page rant about being denied the simple pleasures people took for granted because those things are considered "bad for you".

Like online poker.

Thanks for taking away my hobby (temporarily). Meanwhile, I may need to fire up a new MMORPG and become a zombied addict to obtaining Realm Points, +4 Staffs of OMGZORZ BOOOOM HEADSHOT, and start ignoring my family again. Yeah that was a fun time in my life.

Poker changed that.

Leave my fuckin life alone you self-serving assholes.

Thanks for dropping by, on a lighter note and definitely worth praises:

Jason "Spaceman" Kirk brought the WSOP coverage to Bluff Magazine and announced Dennis Perry as the winner of the WSOP Circuit Event in Tunica taking home $563,402. The man is moving around the country to cover these and WPT events for Bluff, make sure you drop by to say hi to the rabid Predators' fan.

Pauly has announce the final table is set down under at the Aussie Millions and Jimmy "Gobboboy" Fricke is the chip leader in what should be an exciting final table with a few familiar faces such as Gus Hansen, Andrew Black, and Kristy Gazes. Good luck Doc!!