Again, didn't we do this just a few minutes ago?

Like begging the significant other for seconds the morning after...  Drizz did it again, after final tabling a small PLO tourney on and then this on the site that I've been donating my second paycheck to all year...

Ok I didn't get Megan Fox but in my current state WHY NOT!  I'm f'in hot dammit!  Yeah, I'm suburbanite making shit per hour with two kids and going to school but hey I knows how to play the pokers!  Ok, again maybe not but I do bust thru once in a while.  Like below (boring brag below, no more titties for you!)

Don't tell you love me, I. don't wanna knoooooooooooooooow.  Sorry I'm in my 80's hair band mode and Night Ranger hit my stick becaus they rock EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY DISAGREE!  You want to see my name up top right?  Ok then.  Without further adieu, or Favre's average sized penis...  here's we go:

ME-FUCKIN-OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!  That's right I don't suck at poker for one whole night!  Kids are getting up in an hour and I need to go retrieve an energy drink because I'm screwed if I don't since I agree to read Hooper Humperdink at my daughter's pre-school in a few hours.  Speaking as a degen should wake up the kids?  Good grief I think I'm just a bit lame for staying up this late BUT DONKEY WISHED TO GIVE MONEYS AND I TAKES IT!

I'm done.  For now.  No more penis.  Or carpet cleaner.  Need an energy, or some spare meth.  Otis talks about such things, maybe I should inquire.  Or not. I like pie.  Good morning VIETNAM!    Yeah, I'm screwed.

Lady Gaga loves drunks

Found my computer still on from last night/this morning:  Me + Alcohol + $25 Rush PLO =

Where's the too drunk button?  Kid's with the degen for the weekend and its freakin nice out so....  we're going to hit up the casino for my mom's birthday then some frolfing but we all know that Poker + Alcohol = the below video for me. 60 days till WPBT time to train those livers kiddos.

Can't Wait One More Day

Winter is officially here in Minnesota:

A WINTER STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL MIDNIGHT CST TONIGHT.LIGHT SNOW...OCCASIONAL MODERATE AT TIMES...WILL CONTINUE THROUGH MID MORNING ACROSS EASTERN AND PORTIONS OF CENTRAL MINNESOTA...BUTBEGIN TO TAPER OFF BY NOON. CONSIDERABLE BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOWWILL CONTINUE THROUGH THE AFTERNOON AS WIND SPEEDS OF 25 TO 35 MPH WITH OCCASIONAL GUSTS OF 45 MPH CONTINUE.

In other words. Yuck. Especially for someone who's intending to leave on a jet plane only to come back again on Monday night. 45 mph winds happened in January/February here I doubt going outside for the paper would even be advisible. As is, just a winter storm nasty to pump gas in and shovel, but excellent excuse to warm up some hot chocolate and fire up a few tables of online poker on the day before I meet up with 100+ friends scattered across the US and Canada in Vegas.

This has been said before but I'm glad the degenerates I'm so anxious to meet up with are living in different climates and states because it keeps a check on my personal degeneracy to a weekend once in a while versus being knocked sideways every Friday and Saturday. A little nudge to cubical confinement, a little excitement to the cries over not eating dinner, a personal spa weekend without the $500 acai berry scrub and lava rocks chi-reviver. Instead we'll spread that money over the Geisha Bar at the IP, MGM's poker room and adjacent bar, Gold Coast trying to make the Ice Queen pit boss smile (I've been successful twice in four years) and throwing the horns at Steel Panther.

But, tonight will be the calm before the real storm brewing up in Vegas and holding on for one more day...




See you on the other side of sobriety.

One day folks.

PSA: Dr. Pauly's Notes on Surviving the WPBT Winter Gathering

A quick hit since its my day/night to relax with an unclear beverage (or eight), sing 80s hair band songs, play some low limit donkey MTTs while fighting off the temptation of hitting up the cash games to make the money back. But an important post for all you WPBT go'ers next week. Most of you are hardened veterans of the cowboy-tilting, Geisha Bar clearing, Dick-Bro sighting weekend of revelry that this weekend always brings.

Dr. Pauly has your back as a Vegas regular (who has a certain book upcoming you've may have heard about... Lost Vegas). Here are the tips on surviving the weekend with your fellow bloggers AND coming home without a missing limb/missing iPhone/missing on the good time you are going to Sin City for.

Here's Pauly's 6.0 version of Invading Las Vegas. Detailed post of the first 23 here.

Make special note of #34, cribbed from friend of all poker bloggers, Wil Wheaton

34. Don't be a dick.

Have fun, but don't be a dick. Nobody likes a dick.

I'll add one:

35. Do have a conversation with me this year. As people who have seen me since I've gotten my hearing aids can tell you, I'm more likely to not just understand what you're saying I'll probably even respond with sarcasm!

A Thought Is a Terrible Thing To Waste

I thought when I didn't make the 3rd grade hockey traveling team, life was over.

I thought when I learned I would never hear as well as a normal person, life was over.

I thought when my ex-girlfriend was found face down eating gravel, life was over.

I thought when I broke up with my college girlfriend, life was over.

I thought when our firstborn did not get the chance to live, life was over.

I thought when my wife was pregnant on bed rest with bills piling up, and I was disabled, life was over.

I thought when we fought to the point of not being able to be in the same room, life was over.

I thought when my kids took my words for air, life was over.

I realize more and more each day life is to be enjoyed and not weighted against some bad breaks no matter how loud the yelling or how intense the euphoria of the good times. Reading Otis' post yesterday made me reflect a bit on the recent speed of all things parenting and marriage. The summer is heading towards Labor Day and all fried things on a stick await at the Minnesota State Fair with the first day of school shortly behind. The boy will be eating his first official school lunch as a first grader as Kyra will terrorize her first teachers in preschool after the roads get slicked with salt and ice.

The signs they are getting older are heard with every question, seen with every new batch of clothes some Children's Place, but with the daily 4:45am wake up call and seeing their little bodies wrapped up in clutched blankets; the brain's camcorder switches to record and freezes time for awhile as soon they will be arguing about getting enough money and staying over at someone's house that I don't approve of. Soon the immediate hugs and screams of "DADDY!" after work each day will segue into teenager's hormones and possible distancing of the uncool parental units. My thoughts will go back to those mornings and let their current rage drift by.

Someday is now today, as life has opened up for me where it seemed closed in the not-so-distant past. Thanks to friends far and near, my five senses have been opened up to the world (especially my broken ears). Thanks to my kids I have a reason to live for the future. Thanks to my parents for providing the soft mattress that enabled me to get back up after every fall. Thanks to my wife there's someone to live with for today for tomorrow, and although I'm far from the easiest person to live with and understand she is there to ensure waking up is a far better option than become a statistic in a newspaper.

Now that the sappy stuff has flowed to the page, poker will be played this evening with a fine beverage after watching sweaty women play volleyball at Mama G's tonight. Life is good.

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

Amazing how the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon applies to meeting people from your past and zoom forward to give your present a new twist. While I won't be dancing in a barn to illegal rock music anytime soon, due to a co-worker of my brother who works closely with a friend that used to be my neighbor growing up there might be a new place for poker-esque writing in the near future.

As posted here before Minnesota Poker Magazine debuted a few months ago and my scribblings and metaphors may find their way over to their blogging page soon. Bonus, that I might even find a home game where the people don't suck and actually enjoy discussing the game while kicking back a few drinks.

Stay tuned.

---

Did someone forget to pick up their degenerates at day care again?

(Photo credit: Lotus Media)

Awesome job guys, for all your hard work covering the WSOP, we salute you on your Dream Team Win.

As for the WSOP Main Event coverage... Darvin Moon will be your chipleader that poker agents are currently jerking to as the rest of the poker tables are broken down in the Amazon Room until November. I doubt with Jeff "Happy" Shulman and something called Phil Ivey at the final table the chipleader will be the main story for the next four months.

If this Ivey character decides to hook up with an online site for free poker coaching and logo'd hoodies, the other eight won't even need to bother to reserve suites at the IP in November. He is short-stacked but its Phil Ivey damnit, the bankroll of the poker world who most likely has won more in prop bet making the final table than the first place prize they are playing for (1st place = $8.2 million if I'm not correct).

A bad prediction: Full Tilt Poker may give this journeyman red letter pro status and 100% rakeback as well. Just a guess.

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Brett Favre-gasm of the day: The Brett states he'll wait until the begining of training camp to solidify what he's already stated. If healthy, I'm a Viking.

Sigh. This is about as hidden as your spouse telling you she's really doesn't need that new dress/iPod/pair of shoes while shopping. Stop fucking around Favre, man up, say you're in and go have a porterhouse with Purple Jesus at Manny's and become a teammate not some rented gun Allen Iverson-type "Practice? We talking about practice?" that just wants to show up on gameday.

Oh, you may want to acknowledge the dude wearing the severed kodiak bear on his head that still has the warm blood dripping down on his Cher t-shirt. He'll be making sure you get to rest in-between interceptions.

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The Phil Ivey of golf is not leading a golf tournament, sportsbook give a sigh of relief.

Tom Watson leading the British Open (or The Open for those across the pond) which is shocking since anyone other than rabid golf followers didn't even know Tom Watson still played anything besides Tuesday shuffleboard events at various South Florida retirement communities.

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Find and take my money tonight as I'll be donating to the various low rolling MTTs this evening after softball while enjoying Coca-Cola laced with alcohol as prep for a 75 minute! aerobic class my wife signed us up for on Friday morning.

25 Billion! (Poker Stimulus Package Post!)

Last night's drunken poker night found some success as I left a little bit of money on Stars and Tilt with hopes to play in the upcoming BBT4 and small MTTs.

Five tourneys played.

Three cashes.

Two final tables. One paid for my kid's lunch at McDonald's (ninth place), the other I was shocked to see was worth a trip to Vegas (third place). If Obama isn't going drop some cash on people, I'll just have to take it from the donkeys.

For those with time on their hands may want to start stalking PokerStars over the next week or so thanks to all the free moneys they're giving out check it out below:

PokerStars is having a 25 Billion Bash, and everyone is invited to join the celebration! Just over 18 months after our 10 Billionth Hand was dealt, we are now on the verge of dealing our landmark 25 Billionth Hand, and we’re not going to let such an occasion go unmarked. We’re going to be celebrating in the only way we know how - by having a bash, full of promotions that will give away some huge prizes!

The 25 Billion Bash’ Promotions
25% Reload bonus up to $250
Cash prizes for milestone hands
The 25 Billionth Mega Milestone
Sunday Warm Up & Sunday Million guarantees increased

25% Reload Bonus up to $250We want to thank all of our players for helping us reach this amazing milestone by offering our biggest ever site-wide reload bonus - a 25% deposit bonus up to $250!* To qualify for this bonus, make a qualifying deposit between 12:00 ET on February 11 and 23:59 ET on February 18, using the bonus code 25bash.

To clear the bonus, you must earn the required number of Base FPPs (VPPs) which can be found in your PokerStars lobby under the 'Cashier' area. Once in the cashier window, simply click the button labeled "Check My Bonus Status." For more information on earning Base FPP and this incredible bonus offer, visit our 25% bonus page.

Cash prizes for milestone hand:

sAs we approach the 25 Billionth Hand, you’re going to want to be playing at our cash ring game tables to try to win our milestone hand prizes. Starting from hand 24,850,000,000, we’re going to be giving away cash prizes for every millionth hand dealt until we hit number 25 Billion, a total of 150 milestone hands**. The winner of each milestone hand will receive a cash prize on top of the pot they have already won, while the rest of the table will also be awarded a cash prize for just being dealt in to the hand. The following prizes will be awarded depending on the table stakes as displayed in the PokerStars lobby:

Limit
Winner
The Rest
Micro
$300
$125
Low
$750
$250
Medium
$1,250
$500
High
$2,500
$1,000

We've got even better news for you if you’re a VIP Club member. If you're SilverStar VIP or above at the time you are dealt into any of the milestone hands, whatever cash prize you win will be multiplied according to your current VIP status. So the higher your VIP level, the more you'll win! See the table below for multiplier details:

VIP Tier
Milestone Hands Bonus
SilverStar
15% Bonus
GoldStar
30% Bonus
PlatinumStar
60% Bonus
Supernova
120% Bonus
Supernova Elite
200% Bonus

For example, you can turn a $1,250 prize into $1,625, just for being a GoldStar VIP.

The 25 Billionth Mega Milestone Hand:

With the focus of the 25 Billion Bash being on the 25 Billionth Hand we deal, it is only right that we award the biggest prizes of all to the players who participate in this historic hand. The winner of the 25 Billionth Hand will be awarded a staggering $100,000 cash prize, as well as ALL of the following; an EPT Monte Carlo package, a PokerStars Caribbean Adventure package, a World Series main event package and a WCOOP Main Event ticket. All in all, the winner of the 25 Billionth Hand dealt on PokerStars will claim a prize worth more than $150,000! While the winner of the hand will receive the main prize, we’re also going to be awarding cash prizes to the rest of the players who are dealt into the Mega Milestone Hand. $100,000 in cash will be shared equally by all players who are dealt into the 25 Billionth Hand! (Players must be dealt into a milestone hand to be eligible for prizes. Players sitting out during a milestone hand are not eligible.) This means that in total the 25 Billionth Hand will be worth a combined $250,000 in cash and prizes! (Please note: Prizes awarded to those dealt into the 25 Billionth Hand are not subject to VIP Multipliers as per the regular milestone hands outlined above.)

Sunday Warm Up & Sunday Million guarantees ramped up:

We recognize that only a few lucky players will have shot at taking the main prize from the 25 Billion Bash, but there are still plenty of other ways you can benefit. On February 15, the Sunday Majors will have their guaranteed prize pools significantly increased. The Sunday Warm-Up at 12:45 ET will have its guarantee boosted to $1.25 million. This will be followed up by the Sunday Million at 16:30 ET, where players will battle for a guaranteed prize pool worth $2.5 million. Both tournaments can be found under the Tourney > Special tab in your PokerStars lobby and have a direct buy-in of $215. You can also win your way into these events for as little as a few dollars, in our regular satellites all week long.Good luck, and see you at the tables!

Regards,

The PokerStars Team

BBT Funds Needed

I don't lead often in tourneys, but this is one hell of a start FOR REALLY B-I-G CASH!!!!!11111oneoneoneone

Ok, I'm only two drinks in. Wish me luck, don't worry there's a near full handle of Cap'n for long haul and hope everyone has their sarcasm radars up.

Update: Hour 2 ends... lose 57K pot for chip lead when I push on a 963 flop with QQ, he calls with AK... fill in the blanks. Still in but back to par instead of chip bully.

Update finale: Steal my way into bottom cash. Booooooooooooo. Now playing cheapie PLO MTT. Hate self, feel better with Valet Girls and Ski School movies at my disposal.

Update finale with stuff!: Drunken question... if you could be one penis for one day who's would you be, and why? Cashed in cheapie PLO, average chippies.

Chuck Norris quote I made up while bubbled to BuddyDonk in triple draw "Chuck Norris does not run out of bullets, he runs out of bodies"

Here's Keeley Hazell, not this is not Wicked Chops. Still in PLO but chip leader is killing me.

Update for realz: Bubble final table on river suckout. Of course.

In the Funhouse with Donkeys

Nothing like trying to get some sleep and get popped out of bed because you downloaded the original Super Mario Brothers from NES on the Wii and your son needs help knocking the bridge out from under Bowser.

At least I don't have a poker whine for the masses today, rejoice! I thank Otis for his ability to look inward at poker despite the daily shouts from Ty Pennington's bullhorn while his Extreme Home Makeover is going on. Also, KuroKitty's find of an Ed Miller post on why you should be playing poker is a great read for those who rest on their winrates and victories versus examining why you fire up four tables at PokerStars everynight.

Short Answer: It should be fun

Tonight is always fun because I add alcohol to the mix, but why should I have to rely on Captain Morgan to make those two outers sting less? I've played the game for quite a while and should be at the tables because I want to be, versus the chance to feel superior because I've read a few books and gotten sage advice from several players that have helped over the years. My goal isn't a dollar amount (although with the summer coming up and my wife not working much it would help) but rather I'd like to be able to stare at any combination of cards that fall and walk away with nothing more then a polite nod and an honest "gg" towards the other player, win or lose.

And if that doesn't happen there's always Guitar Hero to jam to or view Lindsay Lohan pics to help Burt's Bee make some money (its not just for feet...).

Any baseball gurus out there help me with this Fantasy Baseball thing (that are not currently taking my money of course)? What kind of players should I be looking for on the free agent market? Should I try to trade for a heavy hitting team and leave my pitchers weak? Does Selsum Blue really control your dandruff?

Poker. Tonight. Riverchasers. Cheers to Al, hope he's doing well (saving up for the Bash is a current goal)

Winning Is Funner Then Losing

I may be a drunk donk up at unknown hours but would like to acknowledge the fight Mr. Dank put into his heads up battle for a TOC seat tonight. Why I'm playing PLO8 on Bodog after grinding the Full Tilt games is fully the Cap'mn working.

Drunken Drizz thoughts:

Why do women claim to want sex then shy away once the opportunity arises?

If you know you're ahead do you push anyway despite holding a healthy stack?

Choice between sex on the beach and getting a blow job while driving which do you chose?

If you can figure out why I'm up at this hour please tell me because Sportcenter is sucking the fun out of these horrible online games.

When is it my turn? Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a damn, I'm having too much fun living again despite my daughter stripping and pissing on her bed for no reason in the middle of the night.

Am I a Fun Bobby from "Friends"? Naw, but its easier while hiding under the Cap'n. Seriously, would you drop by for a bonfire at my place and a couple of beers/drinks if no poker was played and I forced you to listen to my horrible attempts to pass on a song on Hard on Guitar Hero?

Bobby Knight is great even while not threatening college student-athletes with the blunt edge of a chair.

OMG the Gophers only won by 3 tonight? Tubby needs to man up for the Hilljackers.

Calling with trips in Omaha, not a +EV move but fits my mood at the moment.

If I have more money at a $50 table then a $100 table is that bad?

Should my wife look down at me if I like sex more then her? How do I let her know?

Run to the hillllllllllllllllllls. Run to the hillllllllllllllllllls. God bless Iron Maiden, and pity to that kid in StB's story that didn't know them.

If you're tall and tell people you suck at basketball, should they believe you? If you saw my jump shot you'd be amazed.

Is it ok to enjoy golf and sex and be utterly confuzzled about both?

Is it ok to like big butts and deny the other brothers?

Will you still love me tomorrow?

I may have pissed this guy off, but do I care?

BIG NEWS!!!!!1111: My Guitar Hero friends number is: 524100729989

If you have Wi-Fi hooked up to your Wii, prepare for shreddage MinnesOOOOOOOOOOOtan style. Ok, I suck but at least I can get away with saying UBetcha with a straight face.