Its Time for the Great Minnesota Get Together

I thought it was an urban legend regarding the gross overpayment of supplies for our men and women in the armed forces. This story ain’t coming from Snopes folks, and basically it’s the EBay trick of buying the item for a fraction of the cost and charging you the item’s cost for shipping. Except the shipping cost for these nineteen cent items included a couple Porsches, beach house, and a few Happy Meals at McDonald’s for good measure.

Can any bloggers play poker? Chalk up two more big final table scores for Absinthe and LuckBox Bayne. Me? I racked up an impressive 40th out of ~600 runners in a one dollar rebuy tourney! Sadly, I lost the last longer bet to Speaker who drank his way to a higher finish.

It’s a sarcasm thing again folks, I do it once in a while speaking of poker since my poker resume reads more like Stan from overnight at Home Depot trying to “move up” to a cashiering position so he can drool over the unattainable blonde Kassie who’s more worried about her three boyfriends coming into the store at the same time versus noticing the thousand dollar impact wrench the gentlemen is sneaking out in his cart under the five dollar piece of plywood.

Or maybe the thief thought he was shopping at the Pentagon…

Its not stasis as I routinely push for playing a little higher once-a-week, except in the tournament realm (minus the WSOP) where I am firmly in the low stakes bracket and there to stay since stringing together 4-5 hours of free time is only available one night a week, and playing “serious” poker isn’t on the agenda for that night. Ugh. I just sounded like one of those guys who sues a bar for getting drunk and totaling their car didn’t I?

I play a high variance cash games like PLO and PLO8 6-max, yet I can’t justify spending more then $26 on a tournament and even that carries a three drinking minimum with enablers like those chatting away about pubic hair shaving on IRC. I believe someone wrote about “playing games that are familiar” while building that bankroll and keeping the stakes low when “having fun” at things outside of your profitable game. Which I do, but when I looked at my ROI % in Omaha tourneys at Full Tilt it gets me to thinking that perhaps I should push for a poker night that I can start a little earlier in the evening to take some shots before the two tax deductions are shuffled off to bed under dreams of CHEESE CURDS AT THE STATE FAIR ON FRIDAY WHOO WHOO! Would Lindsay Lohan eat a cheese curd? Just wondering.

Or perhaps I’m content with winning a little here and there, moving up levels with the speed of a three toed sloth but being profitable along the way. And if it gets me back to the poker tent at the Rio next year for the WSOP, does it matter?

Thanks for dropping by, now if you love bacon in a way that it turned your uppity neighbor chalk white after seeing that g-string you fashioned from the 5 pound maple smoked thick cut bacon fresh from the butcher’s shop while getting the morning paper…

… hop or oink for that matter, over to AlCantHang’s for the writing contest designed for those who dream in pig latin.

Hugs Make the World Go Around

Warning:

Reading Mrs. Otis at work may cause excessive needs to jump over your cubical wall, dodge idiot motorist, and run home to give your kids a hug.

And when the kids are safely tucked into their (insert Pixar movie) bed sheets this evening, anyone up for donking around a few tourneys before I head up north to the cabin?

While I've caught a four pound smallmouth bass (and that's not exactly little), its nothing compared to the whopper caught by the wee blogfather. I can imagine the smile still hasn't left his face :)

Have a good weekend folks!

Yes, I Dislike Losing

Minus a few lines of whine, I hardly felt the missed rivers when I hands didn't hold up last night. But there will be no pokery musing today as I'm extending my lengthy middle finger towards flush-chasing monkeys that prevented me from getting a token because a $26 token it worth much more then a stack at the $.50/$1 tables of course.

Below are some scribblings by authors you may have heard of, read at your own risk (and enjoy every paragraph by these master keystrokers which bring you stories you won't find at your local Barnes and Noble). Rock on Pauly. The previous attempt of internet sarcasm as been brought to you by the Michael Vick legal defense team, where the motto is "abandon ship!!!".

Enjoy the new Truckin' folks.

Truckin' August 2007, Vol. 6, Issue 8

We're back with the last issue of the summer featuring some of your favorite writers.

1. Pyramid by Paul McGuire I quickly discovered that Seattle was a bastion for the super weird. You needed to have layered eccentricies in order to stick out among the masses of freaks. Goth-dykes with foot fetishes might freak people out in conservative cities and small towns, but in Seattle, that puts you in the core group of "normal people."... More

2. Cross-word by Sigge S. Amdal Her hair was in explosive disarray across the pillow like the blood spurt pattern from a shotgun blast. It was slightly blond, streaked with brown and very beautiful. It looked like the crossroad of infinite options where only a handful suggested returning to the bed. She was fast asleep... More

3. Meeting Mama McGrupp by Change100 I had yet to meet Mama McGrupp. Pauly assured me it was for a good reason. All I knew about this woman was that she was five feet tall, chain-smoked, had a wicked New York accent, was overly fond of Amaretto, and never had anything nice to say about anyone... More

4. Kansas Clouds by Susan B. BentleyClick. I got a photo of Kat just before she gave me the finger. Lying back down, I moved the lens across the sky, trying to capture a cloud on its journey. I sat up and took a picture of the track ahead. Nothing but mud and dust, bordered by fields of corn slowly moving in the breeze, nothing but empty for miles ahead... More

5. Summer Story by May B. Yesno Friends are a difficult thing. As a matter of fact they are almost impossible. Difficult to find for the first thing and just as difficult to keep - especially in a mobile society... More

Its All Just Poker

Poker-y opportunities present themselves in mysterious ways (break out into the U2 song here if you wish) around my house after the kids head off to bed. Flicking on the computer to do nothing more then write for the “serious” blog becomes a three hour tangle with the uber-donkeys in the nightly 28K at Full Tilt. Since my recent string of trying to obtain a wooden $26 token have been swatted away like David Ortiz sending a hanging curve ball somewhere near the Canadian boarder (I’d use a Twins’ analogy here but they score about as often as I do in bed).

With nay a token in the moleskin pouch, I had to jump into the wilderness of the 28K by buying directly. Direct buy-ins are not something I’m fond of doing, after all I’d much rather blow $100 in the first fifteen minutes chasing flush and low draws in ring games. The tournament was somewhat of a causal stroll around Lake Nokomis, quiet for the most part with the outer sounds of geese expressing their displeasure for stepping in their bathrooms and the cars busily zooming by on their way home for their occupants to catch the final Jeopardy question. Little thought involved over the three hours as a few steals and one set versus a OMGITSAFLUSHDRAWLETSPUSHALLIN that thankfully missed all 50 outs and shipped me some minor mobneys at the end when I couldn’t get someone to let go of a pair of fives for half their stack.

Are these tourneys considered “real” tournament poker? Or does the buy-in need to exceed a certain amount to be taken seriously? Me, I enjoy these card lotteries for entertainment and the potential high return, but don’t put much stock into them as “serious” poker mainly due to the devaluation of the chips for 95% of the tournament. Sure the chips have value prior to the final table of a MTT, but isn’t that when they’re worth the most and pressure bets actually have a certifiable meaning. Making a level 28 poker move by pushing with a OESD and whining when called by a measly pair that holds up during blind level four isn’t compelling poker, its gambling. You’re gambling that your opponent has read one or two poker books and “understands” your pressure bet, you’re gambling that they’re not bored, and you’re gambling that they cared about pressing the radio button and the funds to pay for the tourney which you find yourself sitting on the sidelines of.

There’s no doubt there’s skill involved with each brand of poker, but when the chips are pure entertainment versus cashable funds it adds a layer of accountability to keep those chips. Also, many people say “well the buy-in wasn’t high enough to be serious”. Its all relative, and unless you know the player personally, I have a hard time believing people can tell the difference online. A PLO8 regular called out someone after minor beat and did the “U SUK!!! LOLOLOLOL” uninteresting chat while challenging him heads up to a sword swinging match. The “donkey” (who really wasn’t) calmly took him on his offer and sat down at $10/$20 with the max buy in waiting for the steamer to join (he didn't). The point is those who appear to be a bad player that doesn’t care about the money might not be (in a tourney or cash game), and those with a bulge in their pants barking loudly probably misplaced a tube sock in their pocket.

Thanks for dropping by, now please view Hitler’s displeasure towards online poker, sehr gut!

Thank you Mr. Rini.

I Heart Air Conditioning

When is my two cent head ever going to listen to my semi-aging body? No, you cannot play ten softball games a weekend in 90 degree plus heat and expect to have the poise of a runway model on coke in heels during a Marshall Fields fashion show the next day. I’ve heard of a product called “sunscreen” that protects fair skinned white boys like myself from showing up to work with a neck that resembles a well-cooked crustacean with butter and a side of cole slaw.

I R SMRT

Anything to play and feel the plush grass in your face after diving unsuccessfully after a ball because you saw the same play on Sportscenter last night and thought you could replicate #7’s play-of-the-day. As a parent and 9 to 5 working man, the chances to spend a weekend as one-of-the-guys are few and far between. Breakfast on Saturday morning with a little hair of the dog with the team, plus greasy bacon and eggs at a local diner started the weekend off right. And an interesting home game ended the day with a mix of 16 guys on the team and their wives/girlfriends/chicks-that-were-very-hot-and-I-tried-not-to-drool-profusely-on-my-uniform-while-not-staring.

Of course I get outed by my wife’s cousin who plays on the team by introducing me as the guy who played in the World Series of Poker. Target painted.

But, at the end of the four hour tourney (smoke breaks, kick ass queso dip break, beer breaks) your hero walked home with a chop of first place after outflopping a weak ace with T7o and still not looking at the guy’s very attractive lady across the table with questions about playing at the Rio. Nope, but I did want to ask if they were real. The prize money made up for a little financial fiasco while retrieving dinner before being coaxed into playing the poker tourney.

Kentucky Fried Chicken had some BRAND NEW TERKIYKI BONELESS WINGS that looked good enough to go with an order of mashed taters and biscuits since the eggs from earlier in the morning worked their way to bottom of a nasty smelling port-o-potty at the ballpark. Not that I helped with the stench. I place the order with the food service representative for these nuggets of chemical goodness (not horrible, but tasted a little “metallic”, chicken quality saved them) and my order came to $6.38 complete with a welcomed ice cold refreshment. Driving around to the window I hand the hard working gentleman a twenty and receive the dinner and drink in my scalding hot car since I’d been playing softball since 9am and leaving the windows up rendered my rust bucket to turn into oven.

(Side Note: Why the hell are most steering wheels black? I think oven mitts would have been appropriate handwear while driving)

Being tired and feeling like I just downed a row of Jag bombs I drove off without receiving the remains of my financial transaction with the Colonel. The money was gone hopefully to supplement one of the worker’s Coors Light beer fund, but since I didn’t figure it out until the second bite of chicken hit my mouth at home in the a/c (and I was 15 minutes away). I admit to several levels of retardation in forgetting the money, but shouldn’t the drive thru jockey give the change BEFORE handing the food to the obviously mindless idiot in the sweat drenched green softball uniform?

Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I should learn its much more fun giving away funds at the Omaha tables instead of paying twenty bucks for a dinner that goes thru the digestive system faster then your local Chinese buffet.

Thanks for dropping by, now I was hopping to congratulate Speaker on his FTOPS cash this morning but he ran into the brick wall of the RNG a little short of the money.

Maigrey Wins the HORSE Tiara

Congrats go out to Maigrey for leaving me with three hours of sleep today before I head up to the cabin.

She put on a H.O.R.S.E. clinic last night during the FTOPS at Full Tilt. Got called a donkey more times then I could count, but raked the chips in to take 28th out of over 1,000.

Boys just didn't learn to fear the princess :)

Calling to Fold

I broke a rule about playing poker last night and was smite for two stacks by calling stations and persons with less intelligence then your average front quarter panel of a Yugo.

It seems after you’ve received shock therapy that the 50,000 volts of punishment for touching the offending behavior, that people really don’t learn. I set a rule “don’t play when others are up”, every once in a while I’ll find myself floating for a flush card to hit or playing three tables while attending to my love one’s sore feet.

And I lose. Every. Time.

After two years of setting this constraint (which has exceptions, like a blogger tourney, FTOPS-type qualifier, or playing lower limit SnGs when the kids are almost in bed) I still manage to give away mobneys that should have gone towards a trip this summer or increased the bankroll to a point at which I’d feel comfortable moving up.

But nooooooooooooooo, the gambling monkey inside was beating against the cage after watching a table where the players didn’t seem to care about silly things like paired boards or possible flushes. If you don’t put much weight on WHEN you play versus how you play (strategy, book knowledge, not sucking), then I challenge players to look at their spreadsheets and poker tracker stats and see WHEN those bad session were and give yourself some insight as to why you thought it was a good idea to bluff a flush card for a whole stack when the calling station was going to call down anyway.

Never would you think of doing that. Right?

Thanks for dropping by, now I’m going to wallow in self-pity tonight and force myself not to even turn on the laptop. The monkey is beaten but not in a lubed up way and needs to rest.

Prepare For T-Ball Declimation

Yes, the wings were too hot Nana

Happy Birthday Wyatt.

One More in the Books

They say seven is a lucky number.

Over the past few years one could describe my marriage as calm as Game Seven of the World Series with the home team down by one with bases juiced and two outs with the star player up to bat versus a closer that blows a save about every time Halley’s Comet drops by. Our existence together has not been one without its share of arguments over things large and small. Fun only came into play when our two little bundles of joy were enjoying a day at the park or a cool run in the backyard sprinkler.

The thunderclouds sat over our heads threatening rain with every verbal exchange beyond the “how was your day?”. A co-habitation more then a marriage, roommates versus lovers, our son definitely picked up on it by acting out more often then a two to three year old normally would. “We need to do something” was a theme, a forgotten promise, but never became a reality as the sky would poke some sunrays thru but the clouds would quickly swell up and smother them, pinching off any warmth.

Long nights behind the dim light emitted from my Gateway laptop, blinking numbers and virtual chips being thrown across a pixelized felt. Fold, raise, call, easier decisions to make then how to tell your wife that life together can’t go like this. Bluffing someone off their hand sedated my competitive spirit for the evening, but unable to enjoy the spoils of another night in the black (or red like this weekend) on my spreadsheet, made even poker become part of a routine to get by.

Could things change?

Would things change?

Is it worth it?

After a long session due to final tabling a low buy in tourney, I snuck in to each of their rooms just watch how peaceful how family was, and how much they meant to my happiness, thus decided to be selfish and fight for that peace. Ultimatums were not passed on, but the discussions between the holders of the rings were a little more serious then turning down my son’s requests for a new Hot Wheel supertrack at Target.

She finally saw our lives together thru my eyes, and the mirror image reflected back something she didn’t want to be anymore. That’s when I got my wife back.

Since that day at the doctor’s office someone new comes home with paint laced clothing and a smile about how her day went. The kids have responded by passing on their energy towards having fun versus being burdens. My perception of my family and my marriage has changed, I want to come home at night, I want to get my balls accidentally rattled because I was watching “Survivor” and didn’t see a charging now four year old come at me groin level for a hog pile, because dad is free game if he’s laying down on the carpeted floor in the porch.

Gone are the shards of broken glass around the house, no longer do I require to be Baryshnikov dancing en pointe to hold a conversation with my love not walk away mumbling with anger.

Finally the woman that I married came home, and I hope to see her next to me in Myrtle Beach, at Chuck E. Cheese, and in bed until my body has spent enough time swimming in Cap’n Cokes and decides to give up.

Happy anniversary hon, and I promise to try to be the guy that walked you back down the aisle seven years ago minus the scrapped and bleeding shin from softball because that really hurt as it stuck to my tux.

Thanks for dropping by, now I’m going to try to figure out the meaning behind my wife buying me lotion for an anniversary gift…

Sponsor Pimp

Sponsor Roll:



I'd like to thank those folks once a month for their advertisements on this site. Granted I'd be blogging regardless, but it does keep the poker funds afloat for when people like luckbox Jordan hit four outers and turn it into a 2nd place in the BBT freeroll. Congrats sir!



Bodog: They don't just have the worst players on the internet, they add in some hot Bodog chicks to stare at while getting yet other player to stack off with second pair no kicker.



Cardschat: Rapidly expanding poker forum and excellent daily blogs for all your poker needs.



Poker Source Online: Who doesn't like free stuff just for signing up to new poker rooms? I managed to snag a nice Best Buy gift card and a little extra cash off the players for sign up to a couple of their promotions.



BonusKey: A plethora of bonus codes for those who like to hop around the net while collecting bankroll dollars for just playing



Full Tilt: These guys know how to keep a player happy as one of the premier sites for online poker. Their reloads, promotions, and helpful website make the donkeys feel right at home as they fund my next WPBT trip.



LaunchPoker: The easy to read highlight bar gives the reader a quick link to a poker story that catches their attention.



OnlinePokerReport: Well planned layout gives the poker player a map to whatever they are looking for in the online poker world.





I get the kids alone all weekend, as the trade-off for guys' weekend last week. Do you think strip clubs have day care and chicken nuggets with strawberry applesauce for the kids to eat between acts?

Have a great weekend folks and congrats again to all the cashers in the Blogger Challenge last night :)

BBT Freeroll Tonight

Since I have a morality story stuffed in my head that won't come out yet due to the horrific bridge collapse yesterday I just stick to pimping two big blogger tourneys coming up:





From AlCan'tDrink:





Tournament: Battle of Blogger Tournament $2,500 Freeroll (MONEY ADDED BY FULL TILT!!)





When: Thursday, 22:00 ET





Buyin: FREE MOTHER EFFER





Password: Qualifiers already pre-registered





And of course the higher stakes game for bloggers who need a little more at stake, four figure payday is usually had at Miami Don's "Big Game". Grab a $75 token during the nightly $14 + $1 MTT token frenzy at Full Tilt which should be filmed for an instructional video on how not to play satellite poker.

August 5th
9:30 EST
One "Big Token or $69 + $6
Password: donkey
Check your ego at the door



Stay away from the big stack tard on the bubble and pocket the token. Easier then beating your son at Wii bowling. Actually that's not easy, and I usually lose...

While checking out Don's site yesterday, he put up a link to Big Stack which computes your tournament results. KOD, how many frickin tourneys do you play in a day?!?! Wow nice results!

I was surprised at the results (they're missing my recent PLO win, but fairly accurate besides that). But, I'm not convinced in the cash vs. tourney profitablity arguement since I don't play tourneys with big enough buy ins to make a huge score and just blogger tourneys for the most part. In the future I'll plunge back into a tourney challenge once the bankroll is shored up to take a sustained hit without having to cry about losing coin flips or two outers after playing for four hours.

Thanks for dropping by, now the death toll is up to nine with the unbelievable events yesterday, please pray for the families of those who lost someone or are missing (20 as of this morning).

EDIT: Some very close photos of the bridge scene and wreakage.

Minnesota I-35W Bridge Collapse

"The river teams are no longer in there rescuing, they are in recovery mode"

I-35W bridge collapses in Minneapolis.

Not good, and death tolls are coming in.

Youth Gone Wild

I've been trying to get out these words after reading the blogs about the "younger" set of internet poker phenoms running over the asshat limit.

Here's that post in words that only Otis could weave together to get the message out without sounding like that old jaded rock in the worn out Gold Coast t-shirt and fanny pack who only plays wired pairs above 8s and AK while in position and is still playing only for the $1/hour comps so he can buy a hot dog for dinner.

And to those who are way late to the Neteller party, send that email to get back your account number you once memorized and withdraw immediately if not sooner. G-Rob lets you in on the disclaimer they have you mark but don't necessarily have to agree to for the funds...

... or you could buy a new kitchen like Otis with the "found" change in the proverbial Neteller couch

Me? I have my eye on a certain trip in December since the money was a little less then a set of new stainless steel appliances. But will pay for a lukewarm sandwich and cookie on Sun Country Airlines.

Is It the Reverse Herschel Walker Trade?

I'm not a Timberwolves fan since I don't care much for basketball outside of some college hoops, but I am a Minnesota sports fan.

A true fan would applaud Garnett going somewhere with the talent besides him to make a run to an NBA Championship that would never happen here. Just the chance, not the title itself is deserved.

As for the trade itself, the T-Wolves received the same crappy pot of players when WallyWorld was shipped off a couple of years ago. I don't expect this "young" group of players to fill the stands at the Target Center anytime soon except for the first month of the season when there's "promise" and "hope" of a new basketball era in Minnesota.

With Garnett gone, and Kirby no longer among the living, is Joe Mauer ready to step up as the state's face and voice in professional sports? Sure hockey is extremely popular here, but I don't see Gabby as being the consumate "ah' shucks" Minnesotan with the flair of a top-tier athlete. If not, at least you'll see at least 10,000 kids at Joe Mauer Sideburns night for the next couple of years.

Best wishes to Kevin on the shot he has always wanted, and R.I.P. T-Wolves, hopefully Crunch the Wolf and those hot dancers will find some work at a Wild's game because the next five years are really going to test if professional basketball is here to stay in the Twin Cities or if the ghost of Herschel Walker has come back to don some high tops and bring exciting new talent to resurrect a failing team.

Thanks for dropping by, now condolences to another well-liked professional... Bill Walsh, you stay classy sir. (bad pun, but fitting)

Edit: From the father-in-law... here's a video that should help the Vikes reach the Super Bowl this year. Stop laughing.

Pop Is a Midwest Thang Ya Know

Its good to know I don't suck. At least not to the point where I'd quit ranting about overpriced, underpoured drinks at Green Mill.

Yes, I'm talking to you Ms. Bartendress in the ruffed uniform and boobies protruding far enough to make the buttons scream for mercy. Why do you think that a five dollar Cap'nCoke should be poured into a rocks glass, with ice to the rim, AND served with flat Coke???

"All fountain pop is flat, its the way its supposed to taste"

Granted I'm no Al, BigMike, or StB. I'm a weekend warrior, a rank amateur of the bar scene, but I DO KNOW THAT FLAT POP = SHIT TASTING MIXED DRINK. If the fountain machine isn't working just offer a different drink, I'm flexible with a hint of calm, but don't lie to my face with two kiddies bouncing around.

Guys weekend will remain in my head instead of paper and internet typed letters, as a good time should be. One properly cooked T-Bone, and one too many nickels wagered on Let-it-ride made for our annual weekend of married guys that need a few days of getting up at noon without the guilt.

Thanks for dropping by, now have you ever tried to call a bartender/waitress on their BS only to have them continue shoveling themselves a conversational grave?

Two Wins Is Twice as Nice

I'm offically in the Twilight Zone. Enter at your own risk.

Shop Smart! Shop S-Mart!

You’re the store manager of a local iconic retailer which is subject to brief store inspections. Every once in a while a group from headquarters sends a bunch of suits and district managers to check out the planograms and facings to make sure the store is presentable and profitable. The markings on the Microsoft Outlook calendar designate today’s the day for 56 retail “experts” to drop by the store for a gathering on ideas on how the store could improve its profits.

You make sure Danny, the spunky 20 year old that shows up with a spotless smock every day for the past four years comes in a little early to make sure all the deodorant is facing correctly. Julie, the aspiring team lead, is hoping to impress the suits enough to get plucked for a ripe headquarters job. She’s busy in her intimate apparel section making sure bras are lined up by cup size and there’s no perverts in the changing rooms trying to get a glimpse of Mrs. Walther trying on some boy short lace panties that are two sizes too small but wants to relive her youthful years.

The store is ready for the march through the aisles of Amy Grant CDs, LCD TVs, plush down comforters, and the new grocery section that has provided a boost in foot traffic. Your store manager badge is pinned in perfect alignment with that crisp polo shirt purchased off the company website and you flash a Crest white strips brighten smile as the group enters the store.

Then all hell breaks loose.

The tour begins by walking by the vaunted grocery section where it seems the freezer isn’t freezing and the Edy’s cookie dough ice cream is suddenly making cream colored puddles on the floor. A tour to the back stock room finds sounds of erotic pleasure going on in the candy aisle as Danny is found with a Baby Ruth bar in places mother nature didn’t intend while Sondra the cashier, who is also the daughter of one of the retail experts in the group, is eating the candy bar while donning a topless devil woman costume (complete with blow up pitchfork!) from the seasonal Halloween shipment that came in early.

To top it off as the grumbling group made its way out of the store to turn this store into a miniature golf course and bumper car playland, the lights go out and since the doors are controlled only by electronics to prevent someone entering with a key, they are all locked in.

Horrible timing last night Full Tilt with the outage of the BBT freeroll.

You cost us a rant post by Waffles which means more then my early double stack I attained with outflopping a better hand versus radio extraordinaire BuddyDank. I assume we’ll restart the tourney fresh and new, giving everyone an even keel because “it’s the right thing to do”. I’ll plug my two cents if asked, but for now I’d be too opinionated because I was one of the early chip leaders (which means shit knowing my ability to donk away chips while leading).

It was a great series and I sincerely hope this little setback doesn’t detour any possible future blogger challenge series because I had a blast despite not being able to play many events as I’d like.

Thanks for dropping by, guys weekend is upon me and if all goes well, I’ll remember few holes of golf along with donking away a few nickels at the blackjack tables. See ya Monday.

From Big Daddy Drew Himself: A Vikings Preview

SKOL VIKINGS!!!

God blessed this man with 14th level funny that only few other on Earth could approach.

One author here questions the absence of their #1 pick being part of the preview...

Chewing Gum Stops Dam From Bursting

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Down And Out in Beverly Hills

Lindsay, why do you do this to me?

Come to Minnesota. I will treat you to sandwich and good wholesome fun in exchange for your views on why hot actresses need to burn themselves out on eight balls while smashing up SUVs (hi Tara Reid!!).

I want my Lindsay fantasies back :(

Anyone have a new chick to ogle at besides Keeley which sets the bar so high that only her EE tits could reach?

Burned, Fried, and Broken

Suffered two bad beats this weekend:

Wife took the new Harry Potter book before I could.

I. DO. NOT. WANT. SPOILERS.

That means you Chilly.

And not being able to lay down trip kings to someone playing K9o under the gun during Midnight Madness tourney at Full Tilt with Speaker. Can you put people on a hand in that tourney?!?!

But, the rest of the weekend was spent on the diamonds watching the wonderful world of co-ed softball and trying to keep my composure as the tight shorts and tigher jerseys made pitching nine games into the championship a little work. I was surprised by the competitiveness of the game versus the usual 25-1 affairs that most coed games consist of. Maybe a switch is in order to preserve whatever athletic efforts I can produce in the future. But, knowing Wyatt will be tearing up the t-ball leagues next year, may mark the spot when its my turn to cheer from behind the chain linked fences as he did this weekend.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you haven't read Pauly's farewell to the 2007 WSOP post, run don't walk to the Tao.

Becoming A Poker Blogger Again?

I think I've pounded out more pokery stuff in the last two weeks then I have all year. Now you may ask, why is Drizz up at 2:30am knowing full well his wife will wake him up at 5:30am to attend to the kids?

Was he drinking with Daddy and Speaker while donking away his meager online roll?

Surfing Redtube for midget fisting porn?

Mezmerized by the Ronco chicken flipping over and over?

Nay.







Because I had to bring one home for the good guys, and April :)

I Was Neither Here or There

I don't know which was more disappointing while playing poker with my close, invisible internet friends last night:

- Slogging to a 4th place finish in the Mookie after entering the final table with a slight chip lead.

- Losing 1.5 buy-ins at the $10max PLO tables to luckbox Alan who managed to strip the freeroll winner's of all their pennies and was up six buys when I left.

- Playing Razz for an hour and managing to get past fourth street twice a silently cursing Al for coaxing me into playing that sadist game.

One hand history for those who get a rise out of such things, I thought it was an fairly easy fold, but I'm not one to play for moving up the ladder and thought it might have been a decent spot to take a flip for maximum gains after looking back at it:

Four people left in the Mookie, stacks are 25K under the gun, 56K on the button, 40K in the SB, and I'm at 31K in the bb:

UTG raises to 6K, Button repops for ~20K, SB folds, you hold AKo

Blinds are at 1000/2000/200 (ante might be wrong)

Your move.

Was The $19.95 Worth It?

Jerry Yang wins the WSOP with a runner runner straight after the chips were in on a coin flip.

A question to those who purchased the PPV final table coverage:

Was it worth it? If it wasn't for a softball game that ended up to be a forfeit I might have forked over the cash.

Assholes: Everyone Has One

Main Entry: jour·nal·ist
Pronunciation: -n&-listFunction: noun
1 a : a person engaged in journalism; especially : a writer or editor for a news medium
b : a writer who aims at a mass audience
2 : a person who keeps a journal

Main Entry: jour·nal·ism
Pronunciation: 'j&r-n&-"li-z&m
Function: noun
1 a : the collection and editing of news for presentation through the media
b : the public press
c : an academic study concerned with the collection and editing of news or the management of a news medium
2 a : writing designed for publication in a newspaper or magazine
b : writing characterized by a direct presentation of facts or description of events without an attempt at interpretation
c : writing designed to appeal to current popular taste or public interest

Main Entry: 130 Pounds of Fury
Pronunciation: F – Tr - ain
Function: Noun, Verb, Adjective, Adverb, Exclamation, Gambler

1a: Systematically destroys the 10-20 and 20-40 limit hold em’ games at the Borgata
2a: Manages to give away stacks to Dawn Summers at “Crackhouse Games” (see: “New York Donkey Poker” definition entry)
3a: Calls out “Journalist” for silly things like “not fact checking”

Well played sir. Well played.

Make F-Train’s open letter to CBS Sportsline your just ate the last cruller read at work and see as he describes, who is the true enemy behind our beloved game getting pushed underground.

The Slinky Is Back!

The midnight blue Shelby Matchbox car with pimped rims and Steve McQueen coolness, the plush red football with Oklahoma across its puffy skin, and faux Fisher-Price blackberry with stylus pen that counts 0-10 and sings along to your ABCs. These items sit at the bottom of the toy chest placed strategically in the corner of the family porch if there’s such a time that the kids deem these toys to be the most important thing to play with again.

There was a fit thrown at Target a year ago when we walked past the Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars without allowing our son to pluck one off the shelve. At the time we relented for sanity sakes at the time due to several late nights with a little girl that had Pavarotti’s lungs implanted.

While eating at Perkins one evening with the parents and enjoyed the chicken fried steak with skin on whipped potatoes and gravy, my son spotted the skill crane in the front lobby. Two tries for a dollar would have to wait until my wife finished her taco salad bread bowl. Sure enough, right when the last black olive was downed, my son made a beeline for the skill crane to await his father’s deft touch in obtaining badly sown stuffed animals. Since the Mickey Mouse doll was buried, I saw my only chance to score was the Oklahoma football sitting on Mickey’s right ear.

The ABCs would be repeated infinitely after my son’s second birthday party since the Fisher-Price toy did not have an off button and would only cease the mind numbing warbling after several minutes of inactivity. Of course if thrown in a toy chest, something is bound to start it up again while retrieving the new toy of choice.

This weekend, I reached into the toy chest of old, discarded playthings, and found the cash games at PokerStars to be much better then squawked about on several websites. The interface was still appealing, and the players were lined up to push all-in with less then suited aces at the NLO8 and PLO8 tables, which made my balance there gain a few ticks. Its true that the games are not a merely bet the nuts and win as they were one/two years ago, but rather a softer crowd of nut-peddlers that can be pushed off pots with ease and those players you can value bet until that $50 you spent at Pebble Creek Golf Course over the weekend, along with the box of Titleist which found a new home among the trees and ponds, are all paid for thanks to the anime avatar in the second seat that just couldn’t let go of that third nut low draw.

Over this summer there hasn’t been the opportunities to sit down with a cold beverage and grind away at these games versus my 10pm please-don’t-fall-asleep-watching-Sportcenter-and-blogging-while-playing “sessions”. To call that poker would be like Barry Bonds calling himself humble. Which is why I’ve been forced to play with new toys like turbo SnGs and even gambOOOling it up in the $1/$2 and $2/$4 games versus slightly tougher competition.

Smart? Maybe not, but no one has ever accused me of being intelligent before.

Thanks for dropping by, now that Scotty is gone, will Lee be able to take it home for the Pros and stop short stacking at the $.50/$1 Omaha games at Full Tilt?

Calling All Blogger Geeks

This is as lame as it gets.

Who in their right mind would hack Iggy????

Easy Mode

Despite playing the game a total of three times (and getting booed off the stage twice)... why am I geeked out about Guitar Hero III coming out soon? I'm sure Wheaton and Alan are planning all-night camp outs or spamming Amazon to be the first to get their hands on the new game whereas I will not be standing in front of Toys R' Us at 6am with temperatures that could freeze a coffee faster then Ichiro rounded four bases in the All-Star Game last night.

No news, no drama today as you should be deferring your attention to the many bloggers covering the WSOP Main Event (which the final table live coverage was advertised for $19.95 on ESPN last night). After watching a bootleg link to it last year it was some of the best poker coverage I've seen and might be worth a few big blinds to pick up.

Thanks for dropping by, now welcome Online Poker Report to my little corner of the web as they provide a wide berth of online poker information on a clean-cut page that's very easy to follow. Hell there's even a slice of PAI GOW! strategy there, go check it out :)

Humidity Is Not Welcome At Home

Fool me once shame on me.

Fool me twice, get some chop socky judo to the face and pay off a week’s wage for downing two meals and running from the bill.

Smart people we have here in the great white north.

I’ve been at odds lately due to homelife being less then the ideal. If your dream home life is the picket white fence house in the suburbs, wife, 2.3 kids, steady 9 to 5, and some decent steak and potatoes being served nightly for dinner, I’ve been drifting along just fine. But, the gray area of depression has been hovering above our home for years like a thick, saturated cloud of humidity that turned minor things uncomfortable due to the irritability factor.

Getting snapped at was something I took in stride most days, thinking “that’s just her personality”, while other times the trivial rebukes got under my skin enough to voice something less then pleasant back, in order to keep from getting verbally whipped like Mrs. Otis’ mousy airplane companion that wouldn’t stand up to his wife. I believe in equality at home although I’ll defer most arguments for the sake of not sweating the small stuff. Unfortunately the small stuff has been piling up for years and after getting home from Vegas I could see a change was needed if we could continue loving each other like the day we met back on a decrepit ball field while taking our first glances at someone we’d be looking at across the bed for the next ten years.

“I think you should see a doctor” was my constant plea, which was answered by a cold shoulder that was seemingly all too familiar after Kyra was born. Last week, she finally agree to talk about her depression with a doctor thus beginning what I hope is a return to the vibrant woman I married before the long nights of parenthood and my many years of disabled status have worn down on both of us.

My love for her hasn’t changed, and my reads on her are likewise but to see her wrapped up in the grips of depression that I myself battled for a length of time I knew something needed to change for us, for our kids, for our friends/family.

Thus, we start hopefully a new life as a couple, which was tested last night when the little one woke up feeling hot like a Las Vegas sidewalk during the middle of summer. 103 read the Target bought thermometer, cold bath, dad getting peed on after taking the teeth shivering toddler out of the icy water, and yet there was no stress to working as a couple to care for sick little one who wouldn’t touch her dinner that should have been a forewarning since her normal appetite is fit for the Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest.

Maybe we’ll finally get to live as a family versus walking on thin balloons, hoping they won’t pop to set off an argument. Time will tell if I’ll be around here in the future to chat inanely about my tepid life that many people live, but it’s the life that tailor fit to my specifications.

Thanks for dropping by, now I apologize as usual when I break these type of posts but a brain dump is the best tonic I know besides a carefully crafted Cap’n Coke of course.

P.S. Yes I’ve been playing poker, and yes the O8 games are treating me nicely, and yes you'll be able to take my mobneys again soon :)

Today It Was A Good Day

I think that was my longest self imposed blogging vacation I’ve taken since the great Alberta Bankroll Clipper of aught five. Even then I tried to hammer away “I lose again” posts night after night as the @#%!%@ and !$!#%#%#$^ comments piled up when my juicy bankroll kept taking hits like Pauly and Change100 in an Amsterdam hash house.

Three words that make sleeping a wee uncomfortable when the humidity percentage and temperature in Minnesota are above 90: No Air Conditioning

Cabins are like that and to be expected but when the ice cubes in my Cap’n Cokes disappear faster then I can make the sweet nectar go down my throat its time to call out Mother Nature for being an unforgiving bitch. No one likes a warm drink that’s supposed to be served cold. At least the Chimay stayed cool enough Saturday night to cap off another enjoyable time up north minus the thirty pounds of sweat that leaked from my internet poker site t-shirt thru the floorboards of the deck.

Back to Vegas for one more day as your dejected and rejected hero was exiting the poker tent in the back of the Rio while remembering yet another line from Rounders as Mike McD was dropping off cargo for a small market talking about “taking a shot and missing”. Its true. No one remembers those who take their shots and miss, they don’t end up with their mugs splashed on major blogging sites with wide smiles about the “hometown” champ taking down a five to six figure score for the good guys. But, I’m not humping a job I don’t want, nor am I regretful for the way the cards laid on the table as I busted out. If anything, it fueled my desire to return next year if Harrah’s keep this big ball of yarn called the World Series of Poker together and lays out my preferred variation of poker again. Grind the cash games, hit a tourney score, or hit a seven card straight flush in PAI GOW, whatever it takes for me to sit next to Joe Hachem and turbo mullet dude while seeing Pauly, Otis, Change100, CC, Spaceman, and everyone covering these carnival games under the big top at the Rio next June/July.

I want to go back, and next time come back with more then a story.

On the last day me and Spaceman met up with Speaker at the Tilted Kilt due to their exquisite chicken strips, hot waitresses that can hold a conversation using multi-syllable words, and an array of beers that you don’t find at a townie bar in Minnesota (unless you like 15 variations of Schmidt or Blatz). After carefully crafted plans were set, the Venetian would be our last flay into the Vegas poker trip for me and Speaker, as Spaceman had a little thing with Bluff that kept him in Vegas for a couple more weeks while motoring around in a PT Cruiser not designed for those who shop at the local big and tall store. Would it hurt some at Chrysler to add a few inches to the roof so the static electricity in my head didn’t short out every light in the Venetian parking lot?

The run-walk scoot was used to get to the poker room quickly, this method is favored by women who shouldn’t wear spandex yet do to my annoyance while exercising, due to the daily tourney starting in under double digit minutes. After swaddling across a sea of pretty people we reached the poker room where I’d take my second shot of the trip.

$8/$16 Mixed Game

I’m dead money in a NLHE tourney, but a mixed game has my interest and an open seat. Why blow $185 when you can lose $400! But, it would last me all night as this was an eye-opener to the live game I’ve wanted to play since I started shying away from playing all hold em all the time.

The lineup: Omaha 8 or Better, Razz, Stud, Stud 8 or Better, A-5 Triple Draw, 2-7 Triple Draw, and Badugi

Dealer, do you have one of those handy card charts you sell in the gift shop for people who don’t know how to play these games? A rack was $400 not $100 as they used $4 chips and $1 antes for the Stud games. The action was fairly high, especially with the drunken Wisconsin native not named Steve on my right. He reeked action like Grubby on an eleven o’clock run to cash in five different slot casino comps before they expired at midnight. KQ8T showing in Razz on sixth street? No problem, RAISE IT UP! Guess he didn’t see the game change while complaining about the worst tasting chicken strips ever (I even got to sample them, not horrible with honey mustard). The camaraderie amongst the table was high despite the variance in age, height, gender, weight, color, and geographic location. It felt like the blogger tables at the MGM Grand during the various WPBT tourneys except the denomination of chips and inside jokes about the beloved seven-deuce offsuit.

But, between me and Spaceman who took over for a couple of Razz and Badugi hands, my stack was left at $28 which I took off the table before throwing it away while waving goodbye to the improbably stacked waitresses that defied every physics class I ever attended with her watermelon sized boobs and steams of beauty cut high enough to make a chastened priest blush with every Cap’n Coke served. Blinders, of the newly minted Fantasy Sports Live website, was still plugging away with a medium sized stack late in the tourney with three to the money as me and Spaceman decided to turn my meager $28 to $100 with a little –EV donk-a-lympics.

One bet on the field line in Craps, if won, one hand of PAI GOW!!

The field bet took a little wrangling as I stepped up to table with gentlemen eye-fucking the 20 year younger blondes they were attached to, and got shushed away by some no-neck in a tux telling me it was a private table. Nice buzz kill asshole.

But, the next table welcomed my scraps with open arms as Steve Perry sang loud enough to knock the two cubes so they came to rest on one and two, PAY THE FIELD! $56, lets play some PAI GOW! $50 minimum bet? Usually the signs detour low rollers like myself as much as the “Salon” high roller baccarat games with denomination chips that would pay off my house with one natural nine for the player. We were men on a mission, and the lovely asian dealer laid out a new spread just for us as I placed $50 into the betting circle, $5 for the bonus, and $1 because she looked lonely and needed the $3K if I hit the 7-card straight flush. Hmmmm… an ace, another ace, a jack, another jack, but no boat. Aces over jacks ma’am, one time please.

She doesn’t PAI GOW so I didn’t get to wake the grumpy high rollers with a ceiling rattling yell better left for the $5 tables, but I walked away with my one chip of high society. Down $300 for the visit to the Venetian but hoping back into the silver PT Cruiser with my smile intact after another quick glance at those walking bowling balls carrying alcoholic beverages.

We capped the night with the nocturnal Otis (fresh off a grumbling defeat at the poker tables) and $10 PAI GOW back at the Gold Coast where making the ice queen pit boss proved to be fun as my Cap’n Coke count got further and further lost with every cigarette I annoying borrowed into the single hours of the morning. Is it hokey that I “felt alive” being surrounded by friends and degenerate of all sorts over a card game designed to eventually empty my pockets? I was a little too loud, but I didn’t care, I was happy and I knew it, so I clapped my hands and shouted PAI GOW for all to hear.

Thanks for dropping by, now if anyone is up for getting together to put the World Pai Gow Blogger Tour on the map of activities during our next meet sometime in December, I have my bonus bet and annoying list of things to say to the dealers/pit bosses ready.

Real Life Comes Fast

I'll be back a in few days, as me and the wife have some personal matters we need to attend to.

I promise to wrap up the trip report once things are worked out.

Thanks again for the pic Otis, awesome job you've been doing.

Would Jesus Push a Wrap Draw?

As I returned to a surprisingly nice room at the Gold Coast (5-star service for low rollin’ degenerates by the way, highly recommended just don't eat at the Port O' Potty buffet) there was a noise that filled the air normally found on the Discovery Channel’s Animal Planet show. After searching for wildlife and finding no dead carcasses of prey ripped across the clean floor I just got ready for some slumber.

I kid.

Actually I’m not, I’ve heard construction sites with a lower decibel level, but I was so tired from setting PAI GOW hands I crashed in the other twin bed started the longest stretch of time within Clark County Nevada without a single drop of alcohol.

Thus begin my own little “raging solo” time as my roommate Speaker had other matters to attend to back at the Rio. Walking along the road up Hugh Heffner Drive to check out the Palms Resort and stare at the 10 foot Playboy Room posters complete with bunnies that were easy on the eyes but made we wish my shorts weren’t so tight. Panda Garden’s Sweet and Sour pork with fried rice went down with a flourish as forgetting to eat, next to having no alcohol constraint is still one of the things I’m improving on while visiting Sin City.

The owner Maloof himself was walking a dog along the poker slots as groupies and enough production cameras for a major motion picture surrounded him for a new promotional skit. I later saw him sitting at an empty blackjack table but resisted giving him the wink and a gun as I walked by making eye contact.

After some deep breaths, roaming the WSOP playing area few times to say hi to Pauly who was working hard on the HORSE event and downing ONE Cap’n Coke (I don’t count this as drinking as a singular beverage doesn’t nothing more then calm the nerves) I headed to the poker tent.

To me the climate was fine, as a slight chill descended from the large plastic baggies that channeled the A/C throughout the room was fine for me but for the majority of my table went in search of Parka and some sled dogs. A roundish asian girl politely welcomed me to the table as I shook hands with my tables mates noting the empty stack to my immediate left that remained unclaimed. As I looked up to see if anyone was walking this way there were two gentlemen heading in my direction. One was shortish while donning large sunglasses, noise muffling earphones, a goatee, and a team PokerStars shirt. The other was looking dapper with his pearly whites gleaming across the room and his suit was not something regularly found at T.J. Maxx.

Marsel Luske to my right, Joe Hachem to my left at the World Series of Poker Pot Limit Omaha tournament sounds like dialog for a “European Rounders” movie, but alas they took the immediate tables behind me as the seat was filled by a man who was rockin’ a turbo mullet to the max.

The tourney started very, very slowly for me as the dealer had not dealt O8 before and managed to make just two orbits before the first hour was up. Lucky for me I managed to break my first rule of not being all-in in the first hour while on the button after limping in.

Turbo Mullet: T74Q suited diamonds
Drizz: 2345 double suited diamonds and spades
Grumpy Old Guy: 248J

Flop: 236 with two diamonds

Hmmm… I like? With hitting everything under the sun I try leading out for 200 with 300 chips in the pot, get called in both places while rubbing the Jesus pencil topper from the Bracelet furiously for answering my selfish prayers.

Turn: 5 (not a straight flush making card)

I turn to the dealer wanting a silent word about her choice of dealt card (and change my religions simultaneously), but politely check my counterfeited nut straight especially when “Thunderstuck” starts playing from under Turbo Mullet’s curly party in the back and he looked like a man getting serviced under the table while shoving his chips in. Luckily, I managed to snag a quarter when Grumpy Old Guy didn’t know how to fold and we tied the low.

From there it was a greeting with a thousand watt smile from Change100 working the event that kept my spirits up despite the tail spin of several missed flops that would never end. Pauly, CC, and Otis dropped by to wish me luck and snap a photo (if you guys could forward it to me I’d love to have one).

My waterloo came again Grumpy Old Man who couldn’t fold as my case 7BB in chips during the 4th level went in with double suited aces versus his KQJT and he flopped QQJ, no two outer came for me.

G-a-m-e O-v-e-r

I was dazed that it happened so quickly that I hardly remember leaving my seating and the poker tent before reaching a cash game playing Speaker who offered the quickest tonic to my gut rot from busting out.

Hit up that PLO8 cash game.

No max buy in $2/$5 with several people sporting $1K towers of $5 chips. I came to do things I’d never done in Vegas and one of them is playing my chosen discipline of poker for stakes that could erase any slot or PAI GOW stupidity. For four hours I was able to play without fear of losing. Mississippi straddles lined the table, and set the average pots north of $200. I bought in for $500 and had $500 more in my pocket for one more buy-in should lady luck decide to fart in my general direction on this wild table. Someone was all-in about every other hand, sometimes splitting, other times not.

I cashed out $150 ahead. Not a big win but I accomplished everything that I came to Vegas to do within those 10 hours at the Rio. I played in the WSOP, did not for one second feel intimidated (all while stone sober I may add), and managed to smile after I was done despite busting well short of my goal to make it to Day 2.

Thanks for dropping by, I’ll be back on Monday with the –EV Donkey Olympics at the Venetian, WPGBT formation?, and don’t call it a comeback.

It Happened Too Fast

The vacationers lined up at Gate H4 at the Hubert H. Humphrey terminal for their trip out of reality. A large Native American with a gaudy dream catcher charm and hat too small for his head and long braided hair spilling out the back from a local mechanist union stood with a wide smile across his face as if lady luck was going to pay him an extended visit while visiting the local casinos along Freemont Street. Heidi, according to her extensive back tattoo laced with thorns and a rose, emitted the body language that her boarding the Sun Country Airlines flight to Las Vegas was for business and someone elses pleasure.

Crossing the two Vegas clichés was your hero, as I left Terminal D upon touching down at McCarran International. This was the first time going to Vegas that I didn’t join in the camaraderie of the captain exclaiming GOOD LUCK to the gamblers fifteen minutes before touching down with a bounce better left on a racquetball court versus a multi-million dollar plane hitting a runway.

This was business.

Of course with business one must network out to those with similar interest and expertise in order to gain knowledge within their field. Late night Six Sigma planned strategy sessions were crucial to success of this trip. The meeting’s facilitator Ken was from China as the name badge read. Cropped hair with crisply ironed Christmas green tint, his shirt shouted POWER PLAYER as he dealt to the wary receivers of his slung cards along the half mooned shaped table. Ken would show his crafty dealing ways by having your hero set his PAI GOW hands incorrectly so the house would win repetitively.

Maybe we should have staked him for the WSOP instead.

The World Series of Poker’s ambiance to a casual fanboi like myself second to none as I entered the Rio’s massive orgy of card players and $10 foot long margarita souvineer glass holding tourist craning their overly burnt necks to see Barry Greenstein pull off a bluff to remain in the hunt of the $50,000 HORSE tourney. Personally my first taste of the tourney was degenerate enabler Joe Speaker’s suggestion to try out an SnG satellite as we waited for some hard working media types to lay down their notepads for the evening as stories needed to be told across from overpriced bottles of beers and Jack-high PAI GOW hands.

Speed poker was the name of the game for the $1500 in lammers, despite the $175 price tag on the postcard sized entry slip into the nine seat. One false play by yours truly after getting desperately short like running top pair into a flopped set, and it was time to nurse some beers at the All American Bar and Grill until our blogging brethren dropped by. Mean Gene, Otis, and Spaceman would gather for a spell as around the Bass bottles and juicy cheeseburgers lined table, we represented five of the United States regions.

Later on we’d meet up with Ken once again back at the Gold Coast in a late night strategy session to discuss the pros and cons of pushing top set off the flop when your opponent has a low wrap plus flush draw and you are facing elimination.

Before I leave today’s post hanging for the start of the WSOP event recap tomorrow (pending upon work), I’d like to thank once again all the bloggers who made this possible as I sit down today back in reality, my smile which seemed permanent (except for about an hour after the event) for the whole four days still hasn’t left my face. It was a experience of a lifetime and highly recommended to anyone who hasn’t “taken their shot” and feels as if they have an edge on the field.

Tomorrow we’ll get into wrap draws, valant defeat, warthog redux, and taking a shot at the bigger cash games.

Thanks for dropping by, now a beleated happy birthday to Change100, as I forgot to bring this fabulous pair of neon pink Crocs I had my eyes on to go with a John Deere "I Love Farming" t-shirt from Fleet Farm, but I’m sure she won’t miss em :)

And thanks to CC, Pauly, Otis, Spaceman, Gene, Speaker, and Change100 for checking up on me before, during, and after the tourney. I wouldn’t be here or there or anywhere without these folks. Keep up the great work you all do.

Shall We Dance?

Before I take off in 24 hours I'd like to thank all the people who've put some faith behind me as the plane leaves for the Rio from Minneapolis tomorrow afternoon.

With a little luck, I'll be sending deposits back to everyone along with stories about sitting next to Men the Master and stealing his Corona.

As Daddy may muse... my game is set to "slay".

Girls Cock Block Poker Goodness

Be sure to drop by Chadarama's spot on the interweb today to read about the boyz weekend in Chicago.

Then call him a pussy for not coming out to Canterbury tonight with me as I warm up for the WSOP against the local rocks in the $4/$8 O8 game. Something about wanting to get laid in the near future. A subject I'll refrain from speaking about "near future lays" because to me that means I'll get the offer to roll over for my 5 seconds of fun sometime in between my monthly haircuts.

Still swamped at work and got a story jiggling around in my head that needs to get out, hopefully I'll have some poker + gargage sale tilt to muse about tomorrow.

Later.

Anyone For Seconds?

Busy is, busy does.

Here's a old joke to wake yourselves up this morning. And congrats to Johan Santana for remembering why you're the Cy Young Award winner last night, was hoping you wouldn't turn into another Scott Erickson.

Vanilla Pudding Robbery

Excerpted from an article which appeared in the DublinTimes about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bite to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper Headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...

A Long Fly Ball

You’re sitting in an overheated car with no air conditioning driving home from the ball park for all the wrong reasons, the radio fades in and out depriving those savory notes of 80’s hair band goodness, and while looking up at the rear view mirror there’s red streaks of stress lining those baby blues. The car stutters like a businessman explaining to his wife about the lap full of glitter and Jim Beam on his breath after an extended happy hour after work.

Lack of sleep from the kids waking up at times only intended for those who wanted to watch Sorority Girls Poker Pajama Party 16 on Cinemax, sends a perpetual buzzing noise through what’s left of your brain after those final articles/business plans/work projected were saved to Microsoft Word.

But, the moment comes that makes all the thrown mashed potatoes and gravy against the window at KFC and shouting about WHY CAN’T I WATCH MY SHOWS DADDY worth it. The gravel beneath your feet stands firm after digging those new cleats into the batter’s box. A helpful wind blows out towards the 310 ft. sign in left field besides the bald headed left fielder who appears to have fell asleep in a tattoo artist’s chair. Your choice of weapon is a perfected balance layer of graphite and aluminum encased with turbo spring technology as the label exclaims.

The just-hit-the-mushroom sized Mario-like pitcher lofts a turtle over the middle of the plate, no spin, no treachery, just Princess Toadstool and Toad sitting in the bleachers behind the chain linked fence awaiting their hero to free them.

As the 27 ounce bat meets the twelve inch sphere and sails over the helpless ink boy who does nothing more then crane his neck to watch the ball twang off a lightpole several stories up, the once brow beaten dad is ready for all that life can throw at him again.

For some people its throwing down a massive river bluff and raking the chips. For other’s its getting that pre-crack Lindsay Lohan to acknowledge the size of your junk at the bar and forgetting her phone number the next morning.

For this guy, one meaningless athletic action followed by a perfectly poured (in this country) pint of Guinness at a local bar, erased the foul stench of the leftover lasagna Tupperware container in the front seat of my car that I kept staring at yet couldn’t pull the trigger to actually haul the overpriced plastic into the house for a meeting with some lemon scented Palmolive.

And no more worries as I gear up for the WSOP next week.

Thanks for dropping by, now go to your happy place today if she’ll let you. Make sure you're keeping up with the WSOP coverage as these guys (and gals) are overcoming surly poker players and hot assed Milwaukee Beast girls to bring the Rio to you.

SLAM!

Not gonna back up or bust off some horrible white boy rappin' due to moving desks this morning and finding a mountain of TPS reports awaiting in the new digs.

I'm going to pretend I didn't watch that near-disaster last night at the Metrodome (Fielder hits an inside the park home run? ANY Fielder hitting an inside the park home run would have to be at the Church's parking lot ball field with a run-until-they-get-it-rule).

As a consolation to Brew Crew fans, you almost made Lew Ford cry in his post-game interview.

Sun will come out tomorrow, as it sure the hell isn't today.

I'm Not Tiger Woods

My apologies to StB for not comfirming the usual boarder battle wager between his beer soaked and red-hot Brew Crew and the Twinkies this weekend.

I headed up to the cabin just a tad too early to catch the message.

Be back tomorrow with some whining (not about poker, but I could if you're into that sort of thing), and a need to find the best advice for entering my first WSOP event (what to expect, how much to drink, how much to tip for that pre-game rub and tug).

See you tomorrow.

Drunk On Fresh Air

I'll hang the oft used sign of "Gone to the Cabin" on the front door here since sitting around at home and actually getting the some rest for once doesn't make any sense due to the beautiful up here in the Northwoods.

But, I will be subjecting myself to some artificially cooled air at Grand Casino Hinckley this weekend to acustom myself to holding cards and sitting next to total strangers that want to take my money in a civilized manner. I'm sure the competition at the $2/$4 limit tables will be in line with the low rollers at the WSOP who use the $1,500 events to wake up for the larger events.

That's fine with me, since I'll be all business come June 25th at five o'clock. I haven't had the time to play much online lately due to softball, kids, and heading up to the no wifi zone surrounding my cabin every weekend to taste wonderful charred animal fleshes on the grill and BS by the bonfire until the glass of Cap'n Coke gets too heavy to lift. My online play last night was par for the course over the past three weeks, make it down to the last few tables, run a semi-decent hand into a bigger one when low on chips due to no spots to steal. Or flat out bubble like the monkey-rific turbo Razz game in the Dookie last night.

Just poker. Play the plays, what happens after that is up to the RNG or the cards that are laid out on the center of the table. If you're bitching about this person playing that, or how could that donkey call your bet... you're no better poker player that the mouth breather sitting in front of E! 24 hours a day waiting for Paris Hilton updates while shoveling a gallon sized tub of Chunky Monkey down your gullet.

Remember if it wasn't for bad players, most people would be broke from this game a loooooooooong time ago. Ponder on that next time USukMyDickies or that smelly cow chip farmer in the seven seat calls your obvious semi-bluff with a four flush on the board with a underpair to the entire flop. Making those type of plays makes YOU the bad player. YOU didn't assess the situation correctly. YOU put out a bet knowing full well he/she would call with any pair. YOU missed the board and could have gotten more chips when that hidden straight or set falls into your lap, instead of passing those chips to the pair of fours that held up when your 25% flush chance didn't hit (or a little more percentage with overcards).

Thanks for dropping by, now to add to the sensory overload of events lately, the US Open starts today for us hackers of the links. If I shot 120 at Oakmont I'd probably frame the scorecard

Edit: Anyone listen/watch this video from Bill's site? This video should be a textbook on how NOT to make an arguement for the bible-thumping gambling haters.

I Vant To Play Some Cards

Not sure what caused the recent spike in traffic here, did I publish those *pics of Dr. Pauly caught in bed at the Plaza two years ago with two meth-addicted Filipino midget hookers and copy of Cardplayer on his nightstand?

Probably not as I've been sworn to never mention that night.

See, I can keep a secret!

Anyone watching the coverage by our friends at Bluff, PokerStars Blog, and Pokernews? Or got too drunk one night and subscribed to the WSOP final table camera feed? Despite being home mostly to sleep for the past two weeks, I've been trying to at least keep up with the WSOP hoopla for what its worth. Is there are going to be a mass revolt against the playing conditions, and general stupidity (Math Quiz for that chip runner or hell the idiots manning the eye in the sky... name three chips of the same denomination, same color using only whole numbers that could add up to $2,500). *cue Jeopardy! theme song*

Nod to Felicia for that 2+2 post. Hope you guys are feeling better!

And short answer to a mass revolt... probably never since poker players feed off easy money and there's a room full of it getting larger every year at the WSOP.

My side game action will be taking place at Casa Del Gold across the parking lot with plenty of $5 Pai Gow and $2/$4 limit hold em' action for this low rollin' card slinger. Or even the PLO action at Binion's per Felicia's suggestion... I'd love to play it live at least once ($2 rake? That's better then online!!).

Thanks for dropping by, now please a moment of silence for those geeks who loved watching Mr. Wizard growing up. I'm one of them.

* The incident did not happen at least to the best of my knowledge while in his suite at the Plaza since I was busying yelling at a laptop while playing $100 NLHE at Full Tilt

Instant Karma Over 24 Hours

Anyone have a spare plastic bubble I could live in for the next two weeks until I descend upon the Rio to pick up my wrist trinket and a few comped Cap’n Cokes from scantly clad waitresses who secretly want you to look? Well you, not me as I'm married and don't look at women in that way anymore except when I do.

If you believe in karma as I do, I’m beginning to wonder how many oatmeal cream pies and blocks of mandarin orange jello I stole from the local nursing home. Last night’s softball game was the kicker to a day of sudden deadlines, diaper rash that looked like something the Center for Disease Control would have on a laminated chart on a dermatologist’s wall, and finding out I missed the pre-registration for the WSOP by a mere six hours.

The last one caused a minor spaz out that rivaled Wyatt’s tantrum for not getting to go to the pool this weekend due to his inability to consume breakfast in a timely manner. Thanks again to those who send their parenting stories/tips, he’s continuing his road towards staying out of juvie.

A registration line once I touch down in Vegas shouldn’t kill an entire day of debauchery as I’ll have Monday morning/afternoon to rest up and maybe play a little O8 with the locals to sharpen any skillz needed to tackle the PLO8 event later at night. Especially since this event nears the finish line of yet another record breaking year at the WSOP despite the online players having to go through The Great Escape type means to withdraw their ill gotten funds and stand in line with bricks of cash in hand to receive their slop from Harrah’s tournament sign up mess line (Yes, Al I finally sat down to watch this flick, thanks for the tip).

With Speaker as my Apollo Creed in getting back the eye of the tiger before I step onto the tournament canvas, I hope I’m able to utter some symbolist of the English language Monday afternoon while taunting the holla balla boyz for entering an event that isn’t made for the overly aggressive higher stakes NLHE cash game type. Granted, the players at the table will know their straight is no good on a paired/flush board and getting paid off will take more pirouettes then a production of Swan Lake, but I’m confident with a couple of breaks going my way and few a bluffs, there will be at least a story (and hopefully some cash) for all of those that were kind enough to back this Omaholic into his first WSOP.

12 days to touchdown. Let us pray.

Thanks for dropping by, now make sure you’re clicking all the links to the right as WPBT trip reports are finally pouring in with Spaceman’s wife becoming the sixth WPBT champ! A woman poker player winning a tournament??!?! I think the folks at Wicked Chops are currently walking in circles chain smoking and muttering in Sanskrit while watching reruns of BJ and the Bear backwards after learning that a woman has won a poker tournament.

Congrats Rachel!!!

Dog Days of Work

Busy busy busy, so make sure you're hoping over to see the live coverage of the WSOP by those same people you played the $2/$4 at the Excal with.

I'll be back tomorrow should this tsumani of paper being shoved towards my cube ever stop.

Ivey near miss, Cunningham wins, Hellmuth possible #11, and Hoy cashes?!?!?!?

Poker is ALL about luck, especially the last part :)

CONGRATS HOY!!!

If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say

I'm having a tough time with this one and since we have so many parents out there in our little corner of the interweb maybe someone else has run up against this.

If a friend/family member has labeled your kid as a "bad kid" and scrutinizes every action the kid makes while managing to strain the relationship between you and the friend/family member because they feel their kid is wronged.

Is there any course of action?

You see the improvements in their behavior daily, yet he/she gets a bad rap from the hawk's eye on your kid while they play with together for maybe an hour a week.

I'm lost on further things to say because all I get is a run down of every little "he pushed at this time" and "he does this" and "you need to control your kid more" while I sit back and absorb it because arguing is futile.

Maybe someone from Speaker's parent corner would like to chime in? It would appreciated greatly.

Thanks for dropping by, now please if you are attending the WPBT event this weekend someone please buy in for 5-6 racks in the $2/$4 mixed game at the MGM. Oh, and don't attempt to emulate my wheelchair derby night, save that for the irresponsible idiots from Minnesota who manage flopping out of the gate like Mr. Otis in a 1 1/8 furlong race on turf.

Shilling for Shilling

This is not a sponsored post but a thanks to the companies that choose to drop some coin for this gambling degenerate to ramble on about poker and being a parent.

Poker Source Online and BonusKey.com still offer those yummy deposit bonuses I used to lap up back in the wild west days of bonus whoring from site to site. PSO takes it a step further and offers several very cool prizes for completing a certain amount of frequent player's points at the various sites in conjunction with the regular deposit bonus. Also, be sure to check out their freerolls and overlay laden poker leagues. Can't hate free mobneys.

I've been playing at Full Tilt around the first days of its existance and still believe its games are currently the best choice for those trapped behind the Kyl Curtain. The Daily Double tournament for multi-tablers gives you a $24 shot at several thousand should you manage to take down the two MTTs back to back. Difficult feat for sure, but the "best in show" booby prize for finishing the highest in both tourney isn't anything to sneeze at either.

Cardschat.com has evolved its blog and poker forum into a regular place to visit for any poker player. Sometimes "the Sklansky line" isn't enough information, why not seek out a different opinion with a fresh point of view about that hand?

For quick news bites on the poker-y happenings, along with an updated listing everytime you refresh this page, Launchpoker.com has your news that fits into your busy work day. Or if you're five guinness' deep into uber-post and wanted to know who won the recent WPT event without killing more work productivity.

And lastly, Bodog.com, the king of overlay tourneys. Should you have the means of transferring money in today's online poker economy I HIGHLY recommend throwing down some mobneys. Any player worth his/her salt will take home a high return

Thanks for dropping by, now go forth and shill like a pro!

Band of Fathers

First there were twin peaks, then another fish in the sea, a future movie going card shark in LA sneezed for the camera, and now JJ decided to give his triplets something to pick on.

Congrats to all the new fathers!

As a sign of solidarity, my daughter decided I’ve been sleeping too much lately and promptly woke up late last night with some screams that would make Linda Blair and Jamie Lee Curtis perk up to take notice, after I updated my poker site with a few articles (meaning it was already f’in late). Not one to cuddle usually, she curled up into a little plush ball of soft skin all the way to nana’s house this morning and fought valiantly of letting go as I tried to manage a flight of stairs out of the house without taking a plunge over the side from lack of sleep.

Too bad coffee isn’t in my vocabulary; I might need to step onto the dark side of ground beans, emo baristas, and flavor shots one of these days.

If you heard some cheering from the internet cafes and possibly many hotel rooms surrounding the Rio yesterday, Neteller decided to release its first non doom-and-gloom statement with its intentions of unlocking accounts for withdrawal purposes. Granted, my chunk o’ change comes out to a weekend at Wisconsin Dells with a few water park passes and a ride on the Ducks, many players’ bankrolls have been muted to the point of $30/$60 players forced to suck it up on the penny ante tables.

I’ll await the breakdown of the statement by resident poker blogging sourpuss Bill Rini (if you want to see the “real” Bill, check out the awesome trip reports, go check out his must see trip reports in Thailand and Spain) before breaking out the bottles of Boone’s in celebration. If it passes his muster, then I think it’s same to assume that another flush of cash is going to hit the poker economy within a month.

20 days to touchdown in Sin City for this humble blogger attempting to tackle what seems to be record breaking crowds once again at the WSOP. Sadly that means I won’t be there for the WPBT event this weekend to break some rocks at the Orleans’ O8 tables. If you haven’t attend a live WPBT event in the past, I highly recommend digging around your favorite blogger’s sites for trip reports, you won’t regret attending, except for that tattoo of a Spearmint Rhino’s feature dancer on your forehead.

Thanks for dropping by, now who would have predicted 4 shy of 3,000 players for a prelim event at the WSOP despite yet another round of highly auditable complaints (Pauly should ask for a hit of the stuff they were smoking while selecting those goofy cards) !?!?

Bonus for Speaker... Was this a Six Sigma event? What happened to Chavez choking?

Par For The Course

Breaking even is great if you’re normally a hacker on the golf course with a swing that resembles Elaine from Seinfeld’s dance moves. My little adventure at Riverwood National this weekend with my father-in-law, brother-in-law, and wife’s uncle had me searching for par and ending with a triple figure score. While I’m not quite ready to take on Tiger and Phil at the next U.S. Open, I do usually manage to clutch on to my around bogey golf score while carefully avoiding double digits for one hole’s tally.

Hitting the white ball with “Callaway” into various ponds and wetland areas is not the optimum strategy for such loft goals as just finishing the round with golf with balls left in the bag. Luckily, others who played this rugged course prior to my arrival were kind enough to leave their extras lying around semi-hidden so I could get a feel for several different brands while striking those off the tee and off the half million dollar homes that surrounded some of the greens.

At the poker tables my balance sheet has not risen to epic proportions since withdrawing for the WSOP in three weeks, nor have I tanked it in Waffle fashion. I’ve earned several frequent player’s points in case an additional stress balls are needed for my son’s inability to retire for the evening in a speedy manner. His new tactic is playing coy about wanting to learn the art of check-raising a douchebag off his top pair with a river bluff. I usually counter with a reading from the tome of Jimmy Neutron’s vast library (Thomas the Tank Engine is becoming kids stuff Daddy).

How fast they grow up.

Hopes for having a little extra cash stash in case my unnamed roommate should want to adventure off-strip in search of naked orbs of silicon laden with glitter, is becoming shorter with every bubble-ish tourney finishes. Save for my awesome Razz game displayed in last evening’s HORSE game with the bloggers. I played HORSEYRIFFIC and the bricks showed me the door quicker then that Japanese dude could stuff Nathan’s hotdogs down his 125 pounds of fury frame.

“Hey baby, wanna see what I can do with a footlong?” I bet he gets all the ladies with that line. Er… maybe not.

Cash games have paid for my lottery-like tourney tickets and the circle of poker life continues on with my break-even ways. Better then losing? Perhaps. A nice score would have put a few more singles in my pocket in case Lisssa (that’s three for exxtra sizzle) needs more encouragement to heave her double Ds while fetching another Cap’n Coke for me at the tables.

Which tables will be decided once I check into the Gold Coast in a few weeks.

Thanks for dropping by, now our blogging brothers and sisters have shot down event #1 at the WSOP. Rock on guys.

Its Time

Good luck to Pauly, Otis, Spaceman, Change100, Mean Gene, and all the bloggers who will be tackling the hookers and angle shooters for the next seven weeks the WSOP.

I hope you guys don't look to the end, but enjoy your time living up the scene.

See you in a few weeks.