I’m in a weird place right now as pain and misery has been a comforting blanket for my insecurity for almost my whole life. Growing up I had my loving parents and siblings as the few bright spots of my day as they were the only reason I didn’t carve a winter hole into a lake and drop myself in. Sure I excelled at inane academic subjects in high school which received some of the first letters of the alphabet come report card time, and was known to throw a baseball slightly faster then the national average, but I was never happy.
Happy was something that occurred in short spurts. A trip to Orlando for my dad’s recognition as an employee-of-the-year complete with a $200 dinner at Epcot that none of us kids touched. Scoring a game-winning goal by making an awkward dance around a defensemen that skating coaches would shake their heads at, but ultimately proved effective since the round, black disk stood behind the red line in the net. A kiss goodnight, with a short-blonde who would play tetherball with my heart all through high school, and having that relationship end literally with a plunge.
Right now sitting at this computer I consider myself happy not just because of recent successes and triumph over non-tangible handicaps, but because I’ve learned to trust again. I don’t have to ask my wife or kids “do you still love me”. I trust my kids to still plant a kiss or hug on me the following morning despite telling a certain three year old that he had to retire early the previous evening due to lack of discipline (otherwise known as throwing a fit when told that Lucky Charms are not a part of a nutritionally balanced dinner and having some rainbow shaped marshmallows end up in creative places around the kitchen).
Hell, even my days at the poker tables are showing some enlightenment. My bankroll is creeping up towards a set goal so I can move back up in limits again. I’ve even won a few smaller tourneys which I haven’t done in quite some time. Playing on the $100 PLO8 tables is becoming easier and easier each session as the tilting off with second best hands has become less and less of a daily occurrence.
Missing 20+ outs several times in a row is part of the game, setting someone all-in and having those less then four outs spike is part of the game, and now I realize that once you’ve won, that keeping that money during the times of slim cards and outdraws is part of the game. Just because your bankroll is temporarily flush due to a tourney score or some hot cards at the cash tables doesn’t mean to drop back into some bad habits that triggered the rebuilding in the first place. Now I trust myself to stay within my game, and not throw bad money at sessions “just because I can”.
Trust is something I have been in short supply of due to my past. But, seeing all the people who drop here a give a kind word of congratulations after I have been trusted to operate a car again shows me that I can even trust those whom I can not see. And I promise next time we meet, you can trust me to be the person you read about here and not some drunk getting carted back to a wife that doesn’t want to see him.
Minus the carting part… as I do plan on enjoying myself with the company of many Cap’n Cokes and invisible internet trustworthy friends.
Thanks for dropping by, now Steve here’s the words to the Gopher fight song so you’ll be familiar with them during the Frozen Four Championship Game (since the stinkin’ Badgers have been banished back to Madison). SKOL!
"Minnesota Rouser"
Minnesota, hats off to thee
To thy colors true we shall ever be
Firm and strong, united are we.
Rah! Rah! Rah! for Ski-U-Mah
RAH! RAH! RAH! RAH!
Rah for the U. of M.
Minnesota, hats off to thee
To thy colors true we shall ever be
Firm and strong, united are we.
Rah! Rah! Rah! for Ski-U-Mah
RAH! RAH! RAH! RAH!
Rah for the U. of M.
M-I-N-N-E-S-O-T-A!
Minnesota! Minnesota!
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah GOPHERS!
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