Crush Me

Since my head is as dense and cloudy as the unseasonable fog rolling through Minnesota right now. I'll point you towards Pauly's place for degenerate talented writers that give you stories that make you nod in approval every time. And if you even for one second thought OSU was going to win after the decent start, you need to change the password on your sportsbook account or lose your bookie's number. Tressel looks like a deer in headlights during these big games.





Oh, and Lindsay Lohan is so 2007, my new crush is...

Please don't cancel Gladiators until I get her phone number

Truckin' - January 2008, Vol. 7, Issue 1


1. The Squirter by Paul McGuire


Joey was the cream of the crop circa 1992. But now her looks have started to fade and she's slumming in the afternoon shift. The booze perked her up a bit and she told me the horror stories about the last few days. Cowboys in town for the rodeo didn't tip and took up all the seats. They liked to look but not pay... More





2. Blackouts by Garth Elliot


Once or twice a month I experience another blackout. Usually I wake to find myself lying on my bed, still in the clothes I went out in, shoes and all. Other times I've woken up curled up in some park somewhere. More than once I have come to on a beach, usually when I am on vacation. On the rare occasion I wake up in a stranger's bed... More





3. The Ring by Johnny Hughes


Cody was a hero in the fifties. A perfect bopper. Heavy greased ducktails. The Chevy. Sandy Kay. Football. Cody peroxided his hair for the Gold Team. Cody Slaton was a James Dean impersonator long before the hoard of Elvis impersonators sought to clone the King... More





4. Vaguely Moving by Andy Harbuck


I spent precious minutes of wakefulness in the dirty restroom, contemplating buying the studded condoms for added sensation. When I got to the car and mentioned the close call to my girlfriend, she looked relieved. I'm not sure if it's the studs that scare her, or just me wanting sex... More





5. Vegas Virgin by Kajagugu


I just picked up the dice and threw them to the other side of the table. One bounce. Hit the wall. Roll back and stop. That bead of sweat now rolled right into my eye and blurred my vision. I tried to wipe my eye clean but all I could hear was a huge burst of applause and screaming and before I knew it the Texan was lifting me up in the air in a huge bear hug... More