I’m stuck writing about getting blue balls from dead ex-girlfriends and donkey fucking porn while these hacks get to not only play poker with Playboy playmates… they get to go to the mansion!
While I’ll be staring across the felt at Ole and Sven in their flannel coated Sundays-best, BobbyBracelet, Al, CJ, BG, and JoeSpeaker (edit: Pauly, Chad, and Spaceman are also going) will be check-raising chicks named Candi and Skylar (who will be wearing dental floss over their surgically enhanced chests) with bottom pair and firing off a quip or two about looking at the best pair they’ve seen all day.
Tilt is not a strong enough word. Rage approaches my feelings.
Good luck assholes. I just kindly request a poker chip from the game since I collect them. Or an autographed card(s) with accompanying picture (a pair of nines would calm me).
So. Mad.
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