Are We There Yet?

Are we there yet?

No.

Are we there yet?

NO!

I haven’t been on a vacation in nearly 10 years that didn’t involve green felt and clay chips, drinking 72 hours straight, or receiving escort cards from porn slappers along Las Vegas Boulevard in quite sometime. My wife and I have gone to Vegas every year for Spring Break and never really gave much thought to going anywhere else. Its cheap, it has big pools, and there’s all the entertainment one needs in a semi-enclosed space. She doesn’t gamble per se, as a nickel or penny slot here or there followed by grumpiness and a return to the pool for the next two hours after her credits run down to zero. A PAI GOW!!! game usually gets her attention, but since losing a pricey sum (for her) at an unfortunately cold Treasure Island table, she’s back to plunking down 1 cent per line on some Monopoly or other cartoonish casino creation.

Ok, I admit to loving penny slots too but if they had PAI GOW in Minnesota casinos I’d be there if the poker room looked unpromising.

Vegas is a great get-away for two but it’s really not a family vacation spot despite casinos like Circus Circus trying to lure tired parents to its Adventuredome to squeeze a couple extra bucks out of the family’s wallet without having to give free drinks to Mom and Dad at the blackjack tables. I think our yearly trips to Vegas are done now, no more three a.m. “Honey, I’m not tired I’m going downstairs” spiels and proceeding to feed hungry slot machines enough that the late shift waitress (who fills out her casino themed uniform with some efficiency) offers another Cap’n Coke to the player who actually tips while the old nits grumble when they miss the bonus game despite wagering a shiny Lincoln penny per spin.

When I’m not giving away my bankroll playing slots, I’ll usually walk by a blackjack or craps table and take in the excitement of people wagering my weekly/monthly/yearly salary in a haze of alcohol and Cohibas. I’m sure to those who hang around casinos enough this sort of energy is commonplace, but for the degenerate who cannot indulge too richly, its enough buzz to share the excitement of a doubling down to receive 16 and watching the dealer lay out five cards to equal 22 or a hot roller in the craps game that has railbirds playing behind for his/her throws are red drops like tears of gold from heaven as point after point is hit.

I’ll have to save my poker and Vegas bankroll for swapping laughs and shots with bloggers every six months (just not this July with deep regrets).

Nope, on Saturday I’ll be boarding a plane due to fly over G-Vegas (still upset that I won’t be able to give away my poker funds to some of Greenville’s finest, or have that Orangetini with Badblood) on the way to the coastal town of Charleston, South Carolina.

South Carolina, home to horrible gambling laws (unless you love the lotto!) and newscasters with perfect hair. For one week, I’ll have to figure out how to relax without asking a busty waitress “are those real???”. Maybe I could do that at some oceanside seafood restaurant but I’m sure the reaction would be a little different then if her name tag said “Tawny from Peoria, IL Welcome to Caesar’s Palace!!”. The weeknights won’t be totally lucid, as I’m planning on putting a dent into the city’s Morgan supply when I’m relaxing by the pool after the daily trips to museums and amusement parks are done.

Any suggestions from those who live in the area on site seeing for a family? I’d like to hit up a minor league baseball game and possibly Myrtle Beach for a day. Beyond that I just figure on turning into a lobster on day one and spending the rest of the week in a tub of Aloe.

Do I still play poker? With the baby still not figuring out that 3:00 a.m. is not the same as 3:00 p.m. poker has taken a back seat to getting sleep whenever possible or just railbirding people like Absinthe who nearly cracked the final table on Full Tilt’s big Sunday tourney. I’ll have some pokery content sometime this week, as well as, some pictures from Grand Old Days in St. Paul and a Canterbury Park visit (pending on figuring out this new camera).

Thanks for dropping by now, anyone have a spot to get a webcast of the World Cup US/Czech match? I watched Mexico/Iran yesterday and I’m getting hooked on this soccer thing.