Two Thoughts (if I can manage it)

I was going through the sports page reading about yet another victory for the Twins yesterday (and they managed to hate on the Dodger blue again last night thanks to Joe "Soon-To-Be-A-Superstar" Mauer's bat and Liriano continuing to make major league hitters look silly) and I glance besides the box scores to find an ad with a fairly attractive female in a bikini bouncing into the arms of a muscular man with some sort of bathing suit on.

What do you think the ad was for?


a) Yet another product for Bob Dole to feel like a man again

b) A trendy energy drink ad

c) Colonic and herbal cleansing

d) Improve your sex life video instruction (WITH FREE ADVANCED ORAL SEX TECHNIQUES VIDEO!)

Can someone explain how colonic cleansing gets you laid by beautiful swimsuit models? I'm pretty sure the first verbal attempt at courtship with one of these leggy women isn't "hey baby I can shit like a racehorse after an all-you-can-eat buffet at Rancho De La Munchos". Then again, I'm not sure what the heck you'd used as a visual grab at the market for such services.

Ignore me, I'm pissed about softball last night. I play for fun, but still get irked having a bad night of missed catches and an even worst night at the plate. Competitive Mens league, I hit 8 for 9 with three home runs, three doubles, and a triple... lower division co-ed game last night fouled out and hit a weak fly ball with bases loaded.

Now I lost my other thought...

Oh wait, I got it back.

On a message board I frequently drop by to the following question as been posed:

"Why isn't soccer (football) popular in the States, and is the World Cup helping?"

My reply was that I'm loving the games, but these horrible penalties and losing a game after 90+ minutes of a stalemate because of a Bill Laimbeer styled dive or because the one ref on the entire field couldn't catch up to the action quick enough to see what really happened is killing my interest. I like the rough tackles and dazzling ball handing skills of these international all-stars. The crossing passes into a sliding forward for a goal or a bent kick from 20+ yards hitting just outside the reach of a outstreched goalie is excellent entertainment and thrilling to watch.

But losing on a penalty kick due to an acting job that would make the Academy Award panel stand up for applause and shout for an encore, needs to cease because its like getting a hand job for 90 minutes (maybe that's a little excessive) and being told "I'm on the rag, sorry not tonight" and having the female company turn over into a bear-like snore.

Blue balls I think is the proper way to describe my feeling towards some of these World Cup matches. So exciting for 90 some minutes, but some little foul or just one bad call makes my balls ache from action I thought I was going to get.

A word to FIFA... get more refs on the field. Very easy fix.

I promise some pokery stuff tomorrow as I'm planning to hit up the Mookie tourney tonight and maybe taking another swipe at the $1/$2 PLO8 games again to see if how rusty I am.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you were compiling a list of 10 "Living Legends of Sex" (as seen in Maxim magazine) wouldn't you have Hugh Hefner instead of Lemmy Kilmister on the list?