While buying Christmas presents for my wife the conversation usually goes like this:
Drizz: Honey what would you like for Christmas
Mrs. Drizz: Just get me gift cards since you always buy the wrong size, color, shape, quantity, cut, brand name, non-diet, thing that I want
I’ve tried surprising her with imaginative gifts like the Gator Grip all-in-one tool!!!!!!, but instead of using it to turn sockets with ease; it got used to bludgeon my soft head for such a thoughtless present. Resigned to being bland oatmeal boring, I usually just buy her gifts while I slog through store after store on the day after Thanksgiving (recently this has changed, since I’m taking care of the kids now instead of wanting in line for the free 50% off coupon and stuffed animal at Target for showing up at two in the morning).
Birthdays are not much better as we’re usually celebrating the fourth of July and her birthday gift usually consists of a sparkler assortment, some of those black pellets that grow when lit, and a few illegal bottle rockets for FLAIR. She’s not the type to overhype a birthday or anniversary, in fact even if my sister-in-law didn’t pull off a very cool surprise party for my wife’s 30th last night she would have been content with the nice dinner I brought her to and watching the Twins before drifting off to sleep. Even with the garage door opening by itself, it wasn’t until she saw all of our friends and immediate family in the garage that she let a little wry smile dribble out from her lips.
The three B’s of burgers, brats, and beer were carted out as me and the wife resigned to just tipping back a few beverages. Since we all have kids now, they managed to take the mini inflatable ball-pit and redecorate the living room with multi-colored orbs of plastic. Despite being overly tired due to an infant that decided to forgo sleep the previous night, my wife was in good spirits the whole time despite 30+ people tracking thru the house. I got a few moments to see friends that normally take weeks notice just gather a foursome for golf (hopefully hitting up the links on Friday before hitting up Canterbury at night for the ponies).
Yes, I’ll be out at Canterbury while you fuckers are making wheel prop bets at the Excal, learning mixed games at the MGM, and trying to figure out which porn slapper can speak English.
If anyone enjoys meeting people, please walk up to these wonderful givers of smut along the strip and instead of just taking the porn, ask the customer service representative about the services he/she is hawking on those business cards/booklets:
“Have you tried out her willingness to make my fantasies come true?”
“Are her boobs as firm and perky as they appear on this page?”
“Will she still love me afterwards?”
“Is customer satisfaction guaranteed?”
“Can she handle 12 inches of my manhood?”
“Is she REALLY a cheerleader?”
“Does she know how to play AA4K double suited when the flop is 7 9 2 with one of her suit and she’s first to act into three tight players in a Pot Limit Omaha cash game?”
Very important questions, possibly a great podcast since most bloggers lack any shame and could rattle off these questions and more without cracking the corners of their lips upwards.
Go on, enjoy Vegas without me, I’m going to have a virtual tea party with the bloggers who are not going and we’re gonna show all of you just how much fun Connect Four on the internet can be!
Ok, I tried, the jealousy is too great, here’s a bunch of links to my recaps of the Aladdin and Imperial Palace tourneys. You’re all in for a great time.
Summer Classic Day One
Summer Classic Day Two
Summer Classic Day Three
Winter Classic Day One
Winter Classic Day Two
Winter Classic Day Three
Winter Classic Day Four