Showing posts with label Football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Football. Show all posts

Friday, November 09, 2012

Mastodon Weekend 2012: A Pause

It's not that I do not want to write about the surreal experience of the latest Mastodon Weekend and first completed Half Marathon in Greenville, SC with the people I consider my second family.

But, writing at the moment is limited to gigs (such as my recap of the semifinal match in the PokerStars All-Star Showdown between Galfond and Cates) from the man with the busted toe who finished a mere 12 seconds ahead of me at the 13.1 mile race (see below), and school work which you can sample my "work" on the lack of girls getting into physical and computer science positions.


The man in the circle would be me (Photo cred linked) 

But instead of an inward look at what that weekend meant to me (in due time because my chaffed nipples still rise from thinking about it) this is what I have been working on:

Females Chasing the Career Goal Line in Computer and Physical Sciences

Type “Sam Gordon” into a web browser and the viewer will see girl dominating the male sport of football.  She literally throws her nine-year-old male counterparts aside with speed and agility that they cannot match.  This is rarity seeing females play the very physical sport of American Football where hulking males grow their bodies to obscene sizes and pummel each other with hits that can rival a car crash.  Women for the most part do not want to tune their bodies in this manner thus only a handful of women even reach the college ranks, like Katie Hnida who plays college’s top rank of Division 1-A for the New Mexico Lobos.  Even then playing the mostly non-contact position of kicker as the sport of football is deemed desirable to males only.  What about activities that do not involve 300 pound people try to tear limbs from each other in pursuit of a goal line?  Take computer science for example as Tillberg and Cohoon state “the growing gender divide in computer science is one of the more perplexing phenomena on college campuses today, especially considering the rising number of high school girls taking advanced science and math courses” (Tillberg & Cohoon, 2005).  Like football, younger girls are taking an interest in the game more and more, so why would girls taking the advanced placement-type math and science courses not be drawn towards the computer science majors and careers? 
The answer lies within sexist and biased surroundings as most girls are not drawn towards majors like computer science because “prior research into choice of major or career generally has focused on personality factors that lead to a particular career path and identified ability, self efficacy, expectancy value, interest and congruence, and barriers and support as key components of whether a student chooses or rejects a particular major” (Tillberg & Cohoon, 2005).  Instead of allowing girls in high school and college to lean towards what they are good at objectively, they are subjectively pushed towards a major because of social factors instead.  This sort of peer and society pressure would dissuade would-be female computer science and physical science majors.  Thus, adding a layer of barriers for girls who have a genuine interest and talent for the computer and physical sciences to follow-through on a path that would grab an advanced degree and eventually work in these fields. 
Awards programs such as ADVANCE given through the Professional Opportunities for Women in Research and Education (POWRE) are meant to consider balancing career and family the most significant challenge facing women scientists and engineers today. Based on these results, institutions must seek to remove or at least lower these and other barriers to attract and retain women scientists and engineers” (Rosser, 2004).  The POWRE group notes in a questionnaire that “60.3% of the respondents name balancing work with family responsibilities as the significant challenge to women scientist” (Rosser, 2004).  In this case, women scientists tend to put raising a family more important than furthering their careers, following an entrenched sexual stereotype that women should be the nurturing sex versus the hunter and gatherer. 
Studies, such as the POWRE group’s, show why there are a lack of female computer and physical science majors. Teenage and younger girls are drawn and/or pushed towards believing that raising a family is more important than expanding their minds and developing academically towards a career that suits their talent.  Take the internet sensation Sam Gordon, if she were male showing this kind of dominance on the football field, there would be coaching trying to recruit her to train with them and hone her skills in hopes of parlaying that into a college scholarship or even a National Football League (professional American Football) contract worth millions of dollars.  Instead, Sam will likely play for a few more years until her competition’s physiques reach the point where her parents feel it is no longer safe for her to play thus wasting a potential talent.  How many girls testing high in science aptitude are turned away in a similar manner?  Lacking the parental or peer guidance to bring what could be a blossoming career in computer or physical science, many girls also let this talent shown at a younger age go to waste.



References


Rosser, S. V. (2004). Using POWRE to ADVANCE: Institutional Barriers Identified by Women Scientists and Engineers. NWSA Journal , 50-78.
Tillberg, H. K., & Cohoon, J. M. (2005). Attracting Women to the CS Major. Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies , 126-140.



Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Jenn Sterger's Meal Ticket

"I slipped one past the goalie!".

Now that statement would wake up a few people if said in a bubble or shouted over the top of several conversations at a recent party like my annual Oktoberfest shindig that 30+ people plus their kids drop by for bier and spatzel.  My super-sperm however is unable to even get out of the equipment room and is as cold as a puck in a bucket of ice after having my wang flipped about by the Lara Croft assistant while high on Xanax.  When you're married you remember such things vividly as penis touching by female other than the one who yells at you to stop playing poker so late or ask why you bought the salmon instead of the rainbow trout because she had a coupon for buy one get one free.  Now I doubt Brett Favre got his junk grabbed by one Jenn Sterger (as seen here when she was first "discovered" as a FSU student).  Like my naughty nurse who was probably thinking about where to have a nice pasta bowl after work, Sterger got an upfront view of a married man's unit that was attached to a very popular football player.  A player who many see as iconic but flawed which shows on the field with brillant performances and equally heart-breaking defeats.  You could play the old "Wide World of Sports" music in the background while Vinko Bogataj takes a tumble off the ski ramp and Favre throws an interception late in the fourth quarter of a playoff game.

"To be great you take risk that no one else would",  a quote stated in many different forms since the time of Socrates, most likely this wasn't our quarterback's line of thought while texting dong shots to a woman who has already lined up her second Playboy photo shoot (pending as I received an *ahem* email with pictures of a future shoot, it's NOT MINE I swear honey!).  Not to be sexist and it will come off as such, but Sterger is not Millie "Auntie May" Babbs, 74, from Council Bluff, Iowa who enjoys a rousing game of a tournament Euchre after the Knights of Columbus Fish fry at the Christ the Redeemer church following five o'clock mass.  Did Streger deserve unwarranted post patterns?  No.  Is there probably more background to this story that will never come out?  Yes.   As someone who used her road block sized chest to obtain jobs and cash do you think a pics of a man's member really upset her enough to wait TWO YEARS before talking about it after getting fired by Sport Illustrated and timing the coming out party for maximum *insert Bevis and Butthead laugh* exposure while the folk hero took the field as an opponent during a MONDAY NIGHT game against the team she represented at the time of the pictures.

But, but ,but she shouldn't be subjected to such barbarism!  True.  I'm not in the "she deserves" it for wearing such lack of loincloths.  No woman should, but there's a place of common sense here that Sterger comes off as opportunistic in this case over and over.  If she wanted to be taken seriously or was truly appalled like I'm sure the millions of Favre fans out there are, then those photos should have been produced days not years after receiving them.  Because now it feels like a sports bettor who goes to the casino window after the game is done and says "I want my money because I totally would have bet on the Hamilton Tiger-Cats to upset the Argonauts today".  No statute of limitations?  This wasn't rape, he didn't grope her after a Thursday practice, or try to dry hump her leg while doing body shot at Hooters, it was a picture.  One that seemed to have stayed on her phone for two years...  do you have many pics on your phone from two years ago?

Creditability of the witness is something lawyers use to shed their opponents in court.  Flaunting your tits in public should not subject you to unwanted cock shots, but since there was no immediate reaction from yourself or public outcry of such phallus phunny talk and the timing of the story, why should we care? 

Answer:  let it go, move on, nothing some eye bleach won't solve, and hope the future Hall-of-Famer can throw on some pants and not throw a pick-six late in the game the next time.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Fantasy Flop

Worst. Fantasy. Picks. Ever.

I managed to pick a whopping four picks right in Pauly's pool and five in another pool with some softball buddies.

Nine. Out of 32.

Decent hitting percentage for a journeyman light-hitting baseball player who's a defensive specialist, not so great for someone who actually pulled some cash that same pool last year and would have won the other pool if he wasn't getting shit-faced at a Pai Gow table with a bunch of poker writing donkeys while listening to the Freddy Mercury deal-a-tainer at the IP and forgot to make his picks.

Repeat performance, not happening. Throw in starting 0-4 in two fantasy football leagues (one which I won last year) and all those hours reading up on ESPN/ProFootballTalk.com/KSK etc. were all for not. All except KSK which is simply awesomeness sqaured wrapped in pigskin (if you don't make it a daily page to read, check out the weekly Sex Mailbag and Monday Morning Quarterback with Peter King posts if you enjoy NFL humor and the sex mailbag since everyone likes sex, well at least I do, I'm not sure about you).

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The Midwest Poker Classic at Running Aces kicked off this week and after scanning the promo flyer from the racetrack (NOT CASINO!) there was exactly one Omaha tourney on the schedule.

Typical.

Before checking out the date I was mentally making plans to hit up the tourney if time off of work was needed since the WCOOP coverage actually saved vacation time. Instead of lucking out with a Friday or Saturday tourney start, its on the end-of-month Sunday which other responsiblities are more important than chasing a final table appearance at Binions and the fleeting thinking that I can play this game live for profit.

Maybe I can, maybe I can't but as it always has been, poker is a hobby something to do after all else is done. Lately, all else takes up the time space allotted for a rotation of the earth thus the poker (playing) takes a back seat to soccer practice, getting buff at the gym, and mopping up piss on a hardwood floor because your daughter mistook the kitchen for the bathroom.

Since I'm ok with the above, its nothing to miss out on another 15 hours of listening to how great Mark from California can throw clay chips and flip over pieces of plastic on a green felt. People wonder why I get drunk and purchase 200 big blinds while playing live poker? So all the brags and bad beat stories become funny rather than tiresome and annoying.

Live poker is supposed to be an enjoyable time away from everything and the Captain allows me to focus on the task at hand versus worrying about the broken database at work (DAMN YOU MICROSOFT!!!1111) or my kids' next week schedule. There's nothing but cards in front of me and people chattering to the drunk so I can learn how likely they are to play back at me or meekly give up if the board is scary because the idiot double fisting rum and cokes can't possibly be paying attention.

Right?

Of course not.

Now a blogger table, that's different. Those are friends, and frankly I'm there to chat about what's been going on since the last time we've met. Otherwise, you better believe I know the fact you folded your blinds for the last five orbits and raised twice showing down suited aces while taking fully liberty in checking out the massive exposed side boob of Lynda from California serving you hot coffee with two creamers.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Foolsball Eve

This blogger is not the only one who finds today's 09/09/09 date as significant. My personal feelings towards my favorite number arouse the need to shove some cash towards various wagers this evening (VIKINGS SUPER BOWL CHAMPS BABY WHOOOOOO WHOOOO!!!!). Most likely in line with the two seconds I actually spend at home, I'll pass out while John Kruk breaks down the flat assed Twins on Baseball Tonight as they crawl towards another second place finish in the AL Central.

Thankfully I did not plan any trips to Vegas over this date or my winnings at Binion's during the WSOP would be disbursed among single moms offering companionship two songs at a time, that big dollar wheel while annoying the hell out of the unfortunate Harrah's employee in charge of swiping my 40 to 1 bet off the board with every spin, and of course the fine staff in the Pai Gow pits at the Gold Coast.

Instead a very tame, surburbanite day with my newly minted first grade boy with more attempts to get him roaming on the new bike that looks nothing like my Huffy BMX with kick ass gold mags and a crossbar held by duct tape after the pursuit to dissuade gravity from taking hold of my flight off a make-shift dirt hill ended with my face going through the metal bar with a Frank Dux brick-breaking force. Tonight might contain a neosporin/band-aid moment but no ER.

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Fantasy Football, Football Pick Em', College Pick Em', Eliminator, anyone else have a contest I need to know about before kickoff tomorrow?

Yes, the Pats are playing but they're still considered a National Football League team despite having a model for a quarterback and being a football fan I'll be compelled to watch after softball tomorrow night while in my normal cash grab for donkeys at Full Tilt and PokerStars on Thursday nights.

Anyone wager on DawnSummers single-handedly shutting down Twitter with Brady updates tomorrow?

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

When Stress Turns Into Fun

Today I have been married for nine years, I'll reserve judgement and comments on my partnership with my wife until tonight where I'll be expecting a show only seen in Amsterdam's red light district in the bedroom.

Kidding.

Actually, a quiet dinner at Pittsburgh Blue without dashing a three year old to the bathroom while catching a thrown mini corn dog mid-flight before it hits the blue haired lady behind us would surpass five seconds of naked fun.

A sappy marriage post may be in the works, adjust your internets while clicking here accordingly.

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I hope if StB ever takes a journey south to see his beloved Cowboys that he's holding a winning Powerball ticket.

Original story from Lincoln Journal Star:

Tuesday’s tour took our group into a suite that can be leased for $800,000 a year — which doesn’t include the price of game or event tickets but does offer a large pizza for $90 (no toppings), 12-packs of domestic beer for $66 apiece and a four-pack of Red Bull for $22, among other ridiculously priced items.

The beer price isn't horrible, actually cheaper than most places if you think about it but $90 for a cheese pizza and $800K for suites without being able to get into the stadium? Are these prices you want to trot out during an economically unstable time for the US of A? I wonder if Mr. Jones' merchandising director is Gordon Gekko.

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Yesterday I got a rare reprive as what stressed me originally actually became a blessing. The US Bank saga continued as I was told 8:30am sharp there would be a super important inspector guy at my doorsteps waititing to take a fine tweezer to my abode that was recently sealed with lavish mountain gray siding to procure a simple signature of a bank that has no rights to the insurance check that holds a final payment to the contractor sitting beneath a pile of coupons and Mr. Potato Head parts on my kitchen counter.

8:30 rolls and my daughter decides that its a good time to see just how much toilet paper our commode can handle after making into the bathroom on time (a win or a push?). But, no Dickies-dressed bank rep.

Call comes a few minutes after with apologies that he'll drop by a little before noon. Now, I'm torn. All dressed up for work but a beautiful day out and two kids that I don't get to spend enough time with. Quick thinking, I check with work and they're covered so Kyra got a daddy to play with for a few hours outside while collecting 67% of the dirt of the backyard on her "Catch Me If You Can" pink t-shirt. And Wyatt got to see Transformers 2 for next nearly three (really?!?!) hours.

(Sidebar about the movie: First film I've seen in a theater in over a year, hearing aids made the action pop out which rocked, but words were still a little difficult to follow. Megan Fox's ass shots however were very easy to gaze at, but they seemed to try too hard to get those shots and it didn't blend with the movie that well, not that I minded the skin of course and what was with that metal tentacle tongue thing coming out of the hot chick's blue lace panties trying to strangle Sam, me thinks the writers spend too much time in Japan recently.)

What started as another bitch-fest at a bank I will never do business with again if I can help it, turned into a day of fun for the kids and a night that would end with me meeting my father-in-law and my wife's half-brothers out at Running Aces for cards and ponies. The poker part I'll probably post here in the next few days. Sadly the $4/$8 w/half kill O8 game was not running so I took my six racks of whites to a $2/$4 LHE table and watched various people with $20-$60 stacks get pissed versus having fun with the overdressed guy in the seven seat seemingly giving away money and drinks.

I made $13 beyond tips, drinks (which you had to pay for), and playing 95% of the hands some blind some not. Entertainment for one I guess despite my efforts to play the part of the drunken gambler in front of an audience that was more suited up emotionaly for a funeral.

Le sigh.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Friday Flops

Quick hits:

Minnesota Wild fire their GM/President Doug Risebrough.

After years of horrible management of draft picks (hey at least its in line with the rest of Minnesota professional sports!), good decision by the Wild. But, with the loss of Lemaire behind the bench and most likely Gabby this "Team of 18,000" is going to have a tough time pulling in folks to the X to pay for $9 beers and $15 wings without recognizable names or a decent team.

Its still hockey at its highest level, and we are a hockey-rabid state but it will be tough to cheer on a team with aspirations on grabbing the eight seed for the playoffs each year.

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Madden gone.

Who's going to hand out the turducken to random Detroit Lions players that only the Nardi Brothers could name and write neon yellow circles around tight ends and go off on a lineman tangent for five minutes while the team your cheering on drives for a game-tying touchdown and Al Michaels is forced to break Madden's train of thought to announce T-Jack's wounded duck somehow was grabbed by a player wearing the same jersey color as him by waving a tube of Tough Actin' Tinactin in front of his face.

Some announcers should (and did) work until their death: Herb Carneal, Harry Kalas, Vin Scully, Howard Cosell, Jim McKay, (add your regional long time voice of baseball here).

Madden should have given it up after this first video game came out and let Keith Jackson do double time working college football and NFL.

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A question for the masses since last night I did not play my usual round of low-stakes tourneys since I enjoy being employed and working a rare Friday (instead dusted off a buy-in to someone who couldn't let go of top pair in PLO when I missed):

If you could go back to your 18,19,20, 21 year old self and give yourself one piece of advice that's non-financially driven (Buy Microsoft! Sell Enron! The numbers of the Powerball are 9, 19, 20, 37, 45, and 5) what would it be?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Vikings Sign Defensive End Julius Peppers



* (AP) February 24, 2009 – Eden Prairie, MN

WINTER PARK – Later today the Minnesota Vikings will announce the signing of defensive end Julius Peppers formerly of the Carolina Panthers. The 6’7” 283 lbs. lineman that was slapped with the franchise tag on February 19th has received an offer for four years $92.5 million contract with $25 million guaranteed from the Vikings to which the Panthers have decided to not match and part ways with the perennial all-pro. His statements will be taken later today.

Peppers originally sought to move to the Dallas Cowboys or Pittsburgh Steelers but landed in the Vikings camp after befriending fellow all-pro Defensive End Jared Allen during last month’s Pro Bowl game in Hawaii while volcano hopping during workout breaks.

“It was a rush to outrun molten lava while trying to spear some wild pigs with bamboo sticks and chugging bottles of Primo with Julius” stated Allen who racked up a similar 14.5 sacks last season. A statistic that is sure to see a boost thanks to the complete all-pro front four rounded out by the “Williams Wall” of all-pros Pat and Kevin Williams. Michael Strahan, the recently retired defensive end who holds the single season sack record, had no comment while tapping his new reality show “Michael Speaks” coming to Fox Sports next month.


The Panther’s Coach John Fox was sadden by the news of the departing stalwart to his defensive line but seemed more elated that quarterback Jake Delhomme passed his off-season mental evaluation. After being picked off five times by the lowly Arizona Cardinals defense in a NFC playoff game, Delhomme was rumored to shack up in a Motel 6 25 miles from Fargo, SD eating buckets of lutefisk and replaying the game while applying shock treatment each time the hawkish Cardinals defense prevented his Frisbee floaters to reach Steve Smith.

The Vikings head coach Brad Childress has this to say at the press conference.



“With the addition Mr. Peppers to our um, defensive line um, we have decided
to um, keep Tarvaris Jackson at quarterback because um, who the hell is going to score um, more
then seven points against that front four? On the subject of um, offense Tarvaris will throw the ball no more then um, four
yards, um, look to see the Purple Jesus and Chester running the ball um, 85% of
the time. Our main concern is T-Jack giving up more um, points then our
defense can, um score”



Super-fan “100% Cheese Free” is said to start up a huge off-season weight lifting regiment upon hearing this news due to Peppers, Allen, and the Williams Wall weighing much more then Berrian or Peterson jumping into the stands after touchdowns.






With a front four to rival the vaunted “Purple People Eaters” defenses of the late 60s and 70, will this Vikings defense carve its own name into history as the first team to score more defensive points then offensive?

In lesser Vikings news to shore up its horrid punt and kick return coverage team, the team also announced digging up Don Beebe and Steve Tasker to prevent another futility record of allowing returns for touchdowns.
* (not even the least bit true but one Vikes fan could dream of that front D-line)

Monday, January 19, 2009

That's Not Cold, THIS Is Cold!

A couple of quick hits for now as I'm still fighting off a head cold that won't go away.

- Ely. Beautiful. Cold. Temperature negative too much to write out. Everything I want to do, did.

- No Limit Omaha Tourney at Fortune Bay. 18 Players. Won it. Book it. Who wants my book? Drizz Playz Omahaz.

- Snowshoeing. First time. Loved it. Purchasing a pair this week most likely.

- Drank too much. Pissed off the wife. Too little time. Can't wait to go again.

I'll expound on frozen things later this week, but I'm sure the Obama-mania that is cresting over the horizion for Tuesday's UberBash at our nation's captial is a tad more important then ice fishing stories. Americans are try to find the rope to get us out of this recessionary period of our nation's economy, will the new administration throw the lifejacket out to the people or sit on it so their asses don't get wet? Will the campaign promises come to fruitation?

Stranger things have happen like the Buzzsaw Who Is The Arizona Cardinals in the Super Bowl?!?!?! The Steelers, while not favorites, are no surprise to be playing a couple of weeks due to their shut-down defense and Choco-taco loving quarterback, but anyone out there taking a flyer on the Cards?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Last Breath of Cold Air

This is always the issue about heading off for the Winter Classic in Vegas: Too many places to go, too many people to see, but never before I check-in to some fleabag hotel...

.... except this time as soon as I hop off the plane there's three different venues to hit up!

First: Hard Rock Café to watch Sweet Sweet Pablo, Minty Fresh Gracie, Columbo, and of course AlCantHang (more tube sock girls, yes please) hitting up the Poker Jingle Charity tournament to benefit the leukemia and lymphoma society. Looks like a lot of Full Tilt and other "name" pros are hitting up this one, great chance to show your stuff and give cash to a worthy cause after check-raising Beth Shak into giving you a picture with her. Yum.

Second: The Pinball Hall of Fame. After checking my flight info, I might be too late for a pinball showdown with the blogfather and Rooster (KA-KAW!!!), but if you're already in Vegas like some fuckers today, hook up with Joaquin for a trip to show off your childhood ability to turn two dollars in quarters into an afternoon of entertainment or lunch money for the rest of the week (like some degenerates did by playing a buck a game with onlookers).

Third: Yardhouse. After at least one shot with he-who-turns-mush-into-viable-government-papers its off to this sizable brew pub that may or may not carry Miller Lite.

Fourth (I'm tired already): Meet up with cousin from Minnesota in Vegas (who will probably be the other person wearing shorts tomorrow in Vegas), maybe see if he'd like to view the maddness of the blogger MGM Mixed Game first hand and knock over my tower of chips before a certain princesses and an evil degenerate who gives back rubs just to get you to call that river check-raise do so.

After all that I'll need a wheelchair ride from something other then stupidly pouring a bottle of Bacardi 151 down my throat.

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I always wondered why the gentle folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber were so mean to one Peter King of SI...

"I think despite seven viable MVP canadiates in the NFL right now you have to go with Peyton Manning".

This spew from one Peter King was heard by me (and all the glory of my half-deaf ears) while driving over the last frozen bridge to work while listening to Mike and Mike (which is surprising good imo) heading into hours of nailbiting suspense till I hit the McCarren taramac tomorrow afternoon.

Good god Mr. King, I've had Peyton on my fantasy team (selected first round) all season and have been starting Aaron Rodgers (giving myself 10 lashes to my back each week for a Packer on my squad) every week except the last one. Why? Does one have to dredge up that abomination of a game against the Browns where completing a forward pass seemed as unlikely as Britney Spears heading off to Oslo to pick up her third Nobel Prize for Literature.

I don't see the Colts Quarterback (despite their late run towards the playoffs) jumping off the page as "Most Valuable". Maybe most likely to appear in the next commerical type prop bet while watching football at the MGM on Sunday, but nothing measty about his efforts this year.

Nothing about his season jumps out and says "HE'S THE MAN!". Brenda Warner's porcupine hair wants to have a word with you.

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See you tomorrow folks! And to those already there, keep an eye on the shifty Cheesehead StB to leave some Captain for me at the Geisha Bar.

Peace.

Monday, October 06, 2008

September: Not Missing You

Found the couch for a little bit of football action yesterday:

Redskins still looking for respect from the football talking heads (and hopefully found it this weekend). Listening to a podcast from KFAN last week with Adam Caplan chatting about how the Cowboys would walk all over the Skins last week without Jason Taylor.

Oops. Think he said the same about yesterday's Skins/Eagles tilt too?

Texas April looking for the Stabbing app for her blackberry and is currently skiptracing for Sage Rosenfels address after he single handedly passing over a win in the fourth quarter to a Manning brother. What in the name of Mark Duper was he trying to do for that first down that ended in a Colts fumble recovery for a TD?

Even I picked the Pack over Atlanta. Wow. Due to potential karma issues I will refrain from comments but curse Rodgers for another strong showing after I benched him in favor of the Manning brother that did not win the Super Bowl last year.

Thanks to Kissing Suzy Kolber, I am unable to watch a Pittsburgh Steelers game without thinking that Big Ben is asking Hines Ward for a Choco-taco in the huddle and subsequent laughter occurring.

Anyone else have DeAngelo Williams in yesterday? No? Learn the Ronnie Brown rule of fantasy football that if you sit a starting running back with a decent backup he will break out for a 30+ point day. Look for Fred Taylor to bust out for 125 and two scores in his next start.

Tonight you will either see the Brad Childress era come to a lame-duck end (odds are he'll be fired at the end of the season regardless of record this season) or start up some hype about the Vikes making a playoffs run. When did the NFC North become the NFC West? Besides the Lions looking their usual cream puffs selves, the other three teams are over-achieving for 7-9 end of the season records.

Drinkability ads for Bud Light need to die a quick death. That beer shouldn’t even be used to fry up brats let alone find its way to mouths of thirsty Class E softball players. Michelob Ultra and Natty Ice has more beer taste then this beer pong favorite.

Perhaps Bash stories tomorrow, perhaps not. Everyone say hi to my newest Facebook friend, my wife! I was immediately turned down with my “friends-with-benefits” request from her which ranks up there with getting my date for prom request shot down by my high school girlfriend in the middle of the hallway with all her big haired Z. Cavaricci-sporting preppy friends within an ear shot. Spending prom night watching “The Last Dragon” and knocking one out to fuzzy porn that came in if you knew the right trick on cable was much more productive then securing the right pink corsage and learning how to slow dance without grabbing her ass.

Monday, February 04, 2008

I Heart Coolers

Bill Bellichick was found at Waffle's house early this morning crying WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYY!!!

My Bodog account however thanks you, my only regret was not betting the Giants straight up.

Puppy Bowl > Super Bowl Commericials > Super Bowl until the last two minutes. I didn't see the Madonna/Five seconds for $10 million commerical was she worth the one pump and done?

At least my buddy's wife whipped up some mean Swedish meatballs and put out a spread that my stomach appreciated at the Super Bowl party.

Football is dead until next season (Pro Bowl is a poor excuse is an exhibition game that needs to die in favor of a skills competition) leaving the next six months void of Sunday gambling disappointments. I'd rather see them have a Superstars competition versus play flag football in hula skirts for 60 minutes.

Question to those who are still braving the online poker world...

Are you seeing more table coaches?

Usually, among the four tables I'm playing there will be one that pipes up after some off-the-book play occurs, for the past few months its almost every table and I'm fairly close to shutting down the chat box which is usually a gold mine of comedy.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Phear My Jedi Skillz

Star Wars Lightsaber duels?

Who's going to be the first to whine about smashing their Wii controller into the other person?

Should this kid be tapped to provide a Lightsaber safety instructional video?

Me = geeked

I'd write about a short session of PLO 6-max last night but I couldn't filter out the ALL CAPS 1337 DOOD I'VEGOTABIGGERPENISTHENYOULETSPLAYHEADSUP
ANDGIVEALLOURMONEYTOFULLTILTBECAUSEWEBOTHSUCKATLIFE, chat that managed to go on for nearly an hour after a minor suckout for a whopping 10BB pot.

I tried to be patient but falling asleep while bored out of my skull watching this made me want to go to bed versus fleecing the three internet kidz of their stack. Thus, the reason why I'd never make it as a pro, it was a great table, lots of action, but my heart wasn't up for the kill.

Back to the TPS report waves for this cube monkey.

Thanks for dropping by, now why why why Donovan do you need to blather on about your skin color? Do you think MAYBE it was because you had a bad game, or several lately?!?! Playing the race card would fly in 1995, but not now.

My advice... get traded to Chicago or Vikes, they need a great QB and best of all they won't care about the slightly darker pigmentation of your skin!

Monday, January 22, 2007

You're The Best Arrrrrrrrrrround

*Start up The Karate Kid soundtrack

No NASCAR driver would ever think about putting themselves at the helm as much as the First Mormon Son of Football this morning…

I don't get into monkeys and vindication," he said. "I don't play that card. I know how hard I worked this season; I know how hard I worked this week." I don't get into monkeys and vindication," he said. "I don't play that card. I know how hard I worked this season; I know how hard I worked this week." – Mr. Everything

I I I I I I I I, and me me me me me me me me. Yo Payton, next time your offensive line “neglects” to throw a block and you end up forgetting how count beyond three, maybe you’ll remember it’s a team sport not the Quarterback Challenge at the sunny Bahia Mar Beach resort in Fort Lauderdale, Flordia. Congrats to the Indianapolis Colts TEAM, and despite what you tell those piano movers, they ARE saying loooooooooooser when chanting for you in the stands. Go bang a hot hollyweird starlet, sing karaoke with your brother, or stay out after curfew; just something to show you have a iota of a personality beyond confirming at every press conference that you control the team’s destiny like Luke in Return of the Jedi.

Yeah, the Bears won too. And left me 3 of 4 on my super duper kick ass parlay.

Bastards.

At least Sexy Rexy showed that ineptitude at the quarterback position can be overtaken by a front seven on defense that resembled Buddy Ryan’s D from the 85’ team. Urlacher is just fuckin scary, as in wielding a machete with a hockey mask, stabbing some chick in cotton panties as she has sex for the first at camp, and being resurrected 15 times scary. Peyton better wise up and take his front line out for a Sizzler’s buffet or two if he’d like be able to go home after the Super Bowl and watch some Lifetime movies with a bowl of low-fat, low sodium Orville’s Special Blend popcorn.

Want something that would ruin a decent breakfast? We dropped the kids off at my parent’s place, and mom is always watching Lifetime in the morning which 99.9% of time is about some relationship going awry and sure enough a bleached Dan Cortese is trying to rub one out before his wife gets through the door as her keys wouldn't work. Clearly an amateur spanking mistake by Mr. MTV Sports by not calculating when the Mrs. would be coming home. I also didn’t see a bottle of peppermint lotion.

Amateur.

Over/under on Sexy Rexy picks thrown in the Super Bowl? I’ll set the line at a conservative 2.5, but thinking four shouldn’t be too tough for him to hit enough Colts’ cornerbacks in the chest with a pass.

Excuse while I cut this short today because Wyatt greeted us with a night of taking care of his fever so sleep was cut to taking a short snooze in between the football games yesterday.

Thanks for dropping by, now how many people have signed up for ePassporte accounts? I’m on the fence about this and figuring I’ll just take a check when its time to cash out versus signing up for a soon-to-be-hit-by-the-DOJ-hammer eWallet.