Dream Poker Nears Its Start

From the halls of Caesar's Palace, Dream Poker is starting up next weekend. Sadly, those hundreds of emails for my services (as a gofer) to play on someone's team have been denied because my wife promised to make breaded pork chops for dinner.

For those with the cash and happen to be in the vicinity of sin city next week here's your official press release:

Dream Team Poker Announces Lineup of World Champions and Top Professionals for Caesars Palace Event

Anticipation Builds Around Teams in First Public Tournament

BEVERLY HILLS, CA--(Marketwire - March 19, 2009) - Dream Team Poker today announced the team lineup for their upcoming tournament to be held at the prestigious poker room at Caesars Palace Las Vegas from March 27-29, 2009. With only 10 days left to register, the event is exceeding capacity, has surpassed expectations and has become the most anticipated tournament of 2009.

"The overwhelming interest from top poker pros to participate in a non-televised, five-hundred dollar game proves that the Dream Team Poker concept provides a needed, new experience to players," said Daniel Delshad, CEO of Dream Team Gaming. "With team registrations coming in from all over the United States and internationally, I look forward to watching the battle for best team in poker."

Odds makers are calling "Team Favorites," made up of Phil Hellmuth, Mike "The Mouth" Matusow, and Los Angeles Lakers owner Jerry Buss, the team to beat in the tournament. The event will also feature an all-women's team, called "Team Yo Mama," made up of Tiffany Michele, Maria Ho and Lacey Jones. T.J. Cloutier, Tom McEvoy and Kathy Liebert will make up a team of poker veterans for PICClub.com Pro Team 1.

Other notable pros forming their own teams include Jamie Gold, Jerry Yang, Justin Bonomo (returning November Team Champion with Team Bluff), Jason Lilly (returning November Individual Champion), Dennis Phillips, Hoyt Corkins, Todd Brunson, Mark Seif, Paul Wasicka, Joe Sebok, Jeff Madsen, Scott Fischman, Kristy Gazes, Liz Liu, Quinn Do, Erica Schoenberg, Jean-Robert Bellande, Amir Vahedi, Young Phan, David Levy, JJ Liu, David Daneshgar, Mark Gregorich, Kenna James, Shane Schleger, Marsha Waggoner, Kenny Tran, and Shawn Sheikhan. Actor Mekhi Phifer and NBA star Chris Mills will also be playing in the first public Dream Team Poker event as The Sole Survivors.

"Dream Team Poker offers a creative structure to team poker and we are proud to host this event in the World Series of Poker tournament room, which is also the site of NBC Heads Up Poker and daily poker tournaments," said Jim Pedulla, Director of the Poker Room at Caesars Palace.

More than 100 teams and 300 players are expected to play in the $500 + $50 per player Dream Team Poker tournament at Caesars Palace. Each player receives a VIP package including a special room rate at Caesars Palace, customized team jerseys, a private welcome party on Friday, March 27 and a trophy ceremony on Sunday, March 29.

To register for the Dream Team Poker Caesars Palace Las Vegas event and for more information on Dream Team Poker, please visit http://www.dreamteampoker.com.

About Dream Team Gaming

Dream Team Poker is a new "team-based" structure and scoring system for tournament poker. Dream Team Poker's patent-pending scoring system allows players to compete on an individual basis while getting scored as a team, giving each player better odds and chances to win money as they compete for individual and team prizes. Casinos benefit from Dream Team Poker's structure as players have new incentives to stay at the property after busting out, resulting in longer hotel reservations, more meals eaten at casino restaurants, and general increase on property, which generates more side play revenue.

Founded in 2007, Dream Team Poker is growing rapidly and licensing its tournament structure to many of the nation's largest and popular casinos. It is the first gaming product developed by Dream Team Gaming, a privately held company headquartered in Beverly Hills, CA. For more information, please visit www.dreamteampoker.com

Gophers Will (not) Win the 2009 NCAA Championship!

The great end of art is to strike the imagination with the power of a soul that refuses to admit defeat even in the midst of a collapsing world.

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Smart guy.

The story has been swirling around my head now on my trips into the office, off to pre school classes with the daughter (who amazingly has chilled out as much as a near three year old can). Gonna let it settle in until the weekend when I have time to spend more then a few hours at home.

----

Bracket time.

Gopher vs. Longhorns and not one prop bet from April. She could pad herself with a Mookie buy-in easier when the Gophers lose by 22 then this CJ (no, not the newly married one) gets tips for proclaiming her customer that ITS THE BIGGEST I'VE EVER SEEN!

I don't know who pointed me in her direction, or f*** my life but its all the raunch comedy that's quasi-NSFW one needs in a day.

---

Thanks for the Vegas suggestions. Hofbrauhaus is also on the radar after remembering several folks headed over there from the WPBT Winter Classic. Beer and tightly dressed German ladies? I'll sign up for the free beer.

HORSE-ing Around

Wisconsin. Live like you mean it!

Shouldn't the state slogan be: Drink like you mean it!

I'm sure StB would agree.

----

Bombed the Skillz game horribly. Won a PLO8 SnG to cover all St. Patty's Day amateur night antics. Enjoyed the contortions of Japan's and Korea's picture go into to release a baseball (Darvish will be the next Dice-K, note it early and often).

----

Sounds of the week: Was able to hear my daughter's explaination of how her flower bed sheets are far superior to Wyatt's Optimius Prime laden ones. She didn't have to repeat it three times, no frustration out of both us at 5am, end result was a toddler being calm enough to get re-tucked in thirty minutes later and going back to sleep.

More of this please.

----

In light of the upcoming trek to Las Vegas, I'm sending a call to any of you who have visited that city. Anyone?

No?

Ok, IF you would go to such a place and couldn't run around collecting stripper dust, hangovers, and gambling markers and wanted to do Vegas-lite do you have any suggestions?

Here's the list the spouse and I thought of barring Rhino or Olympic Gardens having a tucked away short-term day care center (for the single moms on stage!):

Bellagio-conservatory and fountains

Caesars-fountain show

Fremont street experience

M & M World/Game works

Mirage- volcano, secret gardens and dolphin habitat

Flamingo- wildlife habitat

Sirens of TI

MGM lion habitat

Circus Circus- circus acts

Wall of Regret

Ah, the day when everyone proclaims their 1/16th Irish heritage as an excuse to drink green beer and Jameson with the sloshed masses at the local Irish pub while downing some bangers and mash. I'm a whole 1/4th Irish and sporting the clover leaf boxers ready to get my cheer for Eire!

Some people are hoisting their spiked shamrock shakes in Uruguay (sadly I had to look up the spelling this morning). Geography. Not my strongest subject.

Others are in the eye of the drunken storm and will most likely hitting up Irish Kevin’s this morning, afternoon, and evening. If I may make a suggestion, you should watch the agile (and not to mention completely hot) bottle slinging waitress video.

Rock on Al, hope you get everything you want in paradise.

---

Ok, I’ve trying desperately to get this story out of my head and on paper but it’s a mix of past feelings, block, and no clue as to why I can have it half written in air but can’t place it on Times New Roman size 12 font. It’s for a friend (sounds like the Phish concerts rocked!) and he can do whatever he wants with it, as I’m forever graceful for his help with bringing my daughter wails for her extra blankets at five a.m. much much closer :)

There’s no delusion that the person who “writes” here is a “writer”. I blog. I have zero schooling and even less functional sentence structure that makes even the most liberal Freshman Comp professor cringe with every letter here.

But, I want to try.

Here’s the beginning that I can’t quite nail down, and I think once I get past it the rest of the short story will flow:

Many people sport a scar.

That scar could be four inch gash on their face from that bad car accident when your buddy had the great idea that shooting car bombs until two a.m. with the townies, well after the softball team took off for their awaiting families, and ended with turning your 1999 Honda Prelude into the letter U on I-494 with a trooper shaking his perfectly starched hat at your stupidity.

Holding a firecracker long enough to qualify for a Darwin Award. Caught mounting the high school junior next door neighbor listening to Blink 182 when the wife came home early from the gym working off her mid-section to get back into bikini shape after producing your second offspring, and she applied a Ginsu to your back while trying to go a second round with the young three-sport star.

Other scars are not seen. In my life, the proclamation of having one regret rings true, and the reminder of that scar burns with every trip to the office. My scar is buried under six feet of solid Nordic dirt and ice, among the mass headstones there’s a grave marked with her name that has not been seen by these eyes. Coward. Not getting the balls to take a simple right on 85th Ave. into the small plot of land for the dead to let 17 years of regret spill out.

Survivor questions have pelted me since the day a letter from her mother arrived at the ASU campus with a Denver newspaper clipping with her face down on the pavement as a result of an attempt to recreate a Hawaiian cliffdiver’s form off a five story parking ramp.

---

This is where I’ll stop and try to get the rest of the story out because it would mean a lot to me to do so.

Want But Don't Want

You have plans.

Line up a nice mix of relaxation and work, time with the kids, and a few beers with the guys.

Your own cocoon of perfect time away from your cube.

Then you got married and brought a woman into your life.

She brings a new way of thinking. OHHHHHHHHHHH SALE LETS GO!

"But honey, that's a great idea and I'm sure that would be fun...." doesn't work, just makes her more determined.

Throwing excuses at her is like Jim Cramer showing up on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Its a fruitless exercise in debating when you're a toothpick trying to hold up a 15 foot ocean wave.

Personally, I feel like I'm letting people down by not being able to do all the work that I wanted but after the wife spent several hours over the past week looking up flights and hotels for Vegas, I've given up on the deflection techniques I learned at the Miyagi-do karate dojo.

No amount of wax-on wax-off will get my Elizabeth Shue to see this as a "non-optimal" idea. See: last time I went to Vegas with her

"But, this time we're bringing the boy" (yes we have two children, and no the daughter will not be on a plane until Obama is retiring to his estate in Illinois)

Ever wonder when those marital test come up in your relationship with the wife/husband/kids? This is going to be one of them for me. People might be saying "but but but its VEGAS!!!". Yes, its Vegas but is it a place for a five year old who has a greater affinity for blinking lights then his father and can't go throw a twenty into the Star Trek slots?

This is true, my favorite city, my vices, shouting PAI GOW at 4am, "something to look forward to". But I put responsiblity first in my life. I'm a good boy (for the most part) and having to delegate those responsiblities out, hurts (a HUGE thanks to Spaceman for helping me). I want to show I'm realiable yet here I am agreeing to a trip.

Sigh. Anyone have an answer?

----

Side note: Gophers don't deserve to dance. Period.

Happy they're in? No.

Will I wear my gopher colors while they're on? Of course, I am still a fan.

It shows the selection committee looked at Tubby's name on the big screen and knew they'd get ratings. That's it. Texas will beat them 45-32 (no that's not a halftime score). If you want Big 10 basketball in the tourney, you're going to get low scoring games (read: booooooooooooooring)that are dominated by defense with one exception (see: Michigan State).

The Spartans have a shot, maybe Purdue, but if you're filling out a bracket, get rid of those midwest teams immediately if not sooner.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to check out another site for flight times.

Weekend Update

If you ever wanted to feel whiter then white on the dance floor, take an Strike! class at your local gym and surround yourself in ineptitude to stay with the rhythm while encased by good looking sweaty women.

Ok, there's perks I suppose.

Enjoy your weekend, its my weekend "off" so I'll be tempted to take a bad beat or three in the BritBloggerment tomorrow as part of the BBT4 at Full Tilt, see you there if I don't collapse from my daughter's appearent need to stretch the noise capacity my new hearing aids can take on before the sound turns into something resembling a F-14 Tomcat doing a fly-by after shooting down Jester before the big volleyball game against IceMan.

Screech Powers Does Not Approve Of Your Weather

Something to warm up the people in this midwest region... the KFAN Babes Bracket!

Megan Fox vs. Kelly Kapowski (Battle of the Babes who Banged Brian Austin Green!!)

Yum. Hop the link to see more, even Keeley Hazell appears somewhere besides on the pages of Wicked Chops Poker

-2 temp this morning with a wind chill around instant car door freezing force a mere week from green beer time? Not fun, had to get the ski jacket and choppers back out of the closet after thinking they were retired for the season. Then I looked at my driver's license and remembered the state I live in.

Also not fun? Missing every semi-draw in last night's Skillz series PLO tourney for the BBT4 in a game I felt ok playing, and being out before the first break. Tis my luck in these things and the reason why I don't play more often.

Edit: Minnesota State High School hockey tourney starts today!! If you don't get the hype, then you're probably a Californian that thinks he/she understands the sport. SKOL Warroad!!

See No Evil, Hear Some Evil

Thank you very much for all the comments yesterday. Yes, this has improved my daily life just mere days from getting these hearing aids. But, as Otis pointed out I tend to write to a specific audience sometimes (i.e. those who know the real meaning of being wheelchair drunk) when I should be thinking on a macro level. So, if you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting myself (you’re not missing out on much except probably strained neck if you’re not at least six foot tall) let me expound a little on the before and after of getting these ear amplifiers.

First, let me take you into the world of hearing loss.

/cue dream scene .wav


If you want a self-experiment of how someone with a significant hearing loss (not deafness, as that's a subject I hope to avoid) goes thru a normal day, take your good Bose or other noise canceling headphones and put them on for a good portion of the day or maybe a family dinner plus prepping the dinner. Sound should be muffled but not gone. The only way you know people are speaking to you, or understanding their voice is if they are facing you and you to them.

They embarrassed me in elementary school with a similar experiment with a spelling test given on a tape to my class with someone speaking with their hand over their mouth after 750ml of Mad Dog 20/20. I already hated the extra attention towards my disability yet these feel-good educators felt the need to shine the spotlight on something I learned to just live with. There were unheard taunts on the baseball field, hockey rink, and in the classroom. Maybe better that way versus growing up jaded towards those who didn’t wish to comprehend my lack of fluent conversation wasn’t due to inability to snipe off a joke or voice an opinion on Doc Gooden’s curveball being better then Clemens, but rather to not being able to hear the subject in the first place. This of course brings many cat claws on chalkboard moments when I would try to take three of 15 words in a conversation that I did hear and try to work off its context and end up talking about the Geography test versus coked and roided up pitchers.

And if I may, asking a chick in bed to repeat her passionate pleas four times in bed has the effect of trying to get off while wearing a bakers dozen box of Magnum condoms with a three inch dick after drinking all night. May have to ask the wife for some extensive experimentation on this point, and I’m all for the advancement of science and sex.

Now… with the bionic ears I hear 12 to 15 of those 15 words. Whispering no longer sounds like someone blowing air or Milli Vanilli attempting to wow an audience. Just this morning I listened in as my mom was telling Wyatt about making some of her semi-famous mouth watering oatmeal chocolate chip cookies this afternoon. She was whispering AND had her hand over her mouth, yet I caught it and got a bright smile on my son’s face when I told him to set a few aside for me.

Sure, its not foolproof, I still don’t have perfect hearing, and never will. There will still be times I miss something, but it pulls that sound closer and since this is a poker blog, these aids give me a +EV on whether or not I’ll hear the conversation in its entirety.

Best of the rest… if you have glasses with a strong enough prescription you see things but they’re distorted to the point that a naked Playboy centerfold standing 20 feet away might as well be Mama Cass. Sounds like a door shutting had a dull thud, versus the thud plus the click of the doorknob. A pen hitting the desk had no sharpness to its sound. If you’ve seen or read Stephen King’s: The Langoliers when the passengers are in the grey world where time had already past, and the pop was flat and the food had no taste, that is what sound was to me. There was no extra pop when I kissed my wife, no squeak of a new shoe on tile, no flavor to the speech I heard at the poker table while check-raising the G-Vegas crew this summer. Sure I could hear the southern twang, but the spice within the sound of Wes telling me about the Gamecocks and the history of Columbia or Shep describing these delicious homemade grits I could enjoy should I return to Greenville while at the Waffle House wasn’t there.

Upon my return to G-Vegas or Key West or Chicago or Vegas or home, those trips will have a little extra color to them now that my ears have been opened up to a new life. As stated its only been a few days and there are some adjustments to be made (all office visits are completely free for the life of the aids), and I’ll be keeping these new rose colored glasses for my ears because much like sex, once you’ve had a good time you’re going to want to have it all the time.

-----

If I may say something, while listening to Mike and Mike this morning on the commute in, the discussion was fighting in hockey. They were lauding over emails from CALIFORNIA with opinions on the subject.

Let’s get this straight. Hockey in California =! Real hockey

Would you ask my Nordic ass about volleyball? Despite playing the sport at a fairly high level for a while, my knowledge of the sport would be small compared to say a middle hitter from San Jose.

Leave hockey discussions to those who know who Don Cherry, Bobby Orr, the original six, and what near frostbite from outdoor practices feels like after trekking to the rink thru the snow with your skates hanging from your stick.

Kids Speak

This weekends was a continuation of the eye-opening or more to the point eye-opening of leaving the doctor’s office Friday afternoon and hearing snow crunching under a foot, or the car signal making an extra noise.

If you consider yourself a parent, uncle, aunt, or been around any child and watch them drink lemon juice for the first time, or crawl up to a light switch and saw the amazement in their eyes of the flickering bulbs. That’s similar to what the last few days have been for myself. The sounds of my kids’ toys go off previously unheard, watching TV without closed captioning (this isn’t perfect as I still can’t catch everything but get the gist of things now), and best thing so far is understanding my kids.

Granted the comprehension stretches only to the broken third-person narrative English my daughter uses and we’re not discussing the ramifications of the 26th bailout of AIG or if Obama will have the United States sliding into Socialism by the next decade. Instead much more important issues like her favorite hat being in the wash or that she’s missing her rainbow Care Bear. Instead of a zombie-ish nod of faux understanding, I can actually reassure her a Coast Guard search is currently underway for her lost stuffed animal and her mom will have the pink hat with little ruffly ball and stitched flower on top will be Tide with Fresh Scent clean upon returning home for pork chops and roasted garlic mashed potatoes this evening.

Personal importance has a scale and my kids come first before overly greedy insurance companies taking risk on bad mortgages then passing the buck like a lazy employee when the gamble didn’t work out.

Speaking of insurance companies, why do you cover eye glasses, leg braces, crutches, but not hearing aids? Is there a reason why the gift of hearing is only allotted to those who can manage to pool enough money to buy these devices? Or pay for the $50,000+ cochlear implants versus a potential solution costing 10% of that amount and has a much lower maintenance fee, not to mention zero potential for deafness? Are your actuaries asleep at the fiscal wheel?

Its sad that I could have opted to have this elaborate surgery and received 100% coverage versus a piece of plastic that would restore most of hearing and paid the whole (less of course my more then generous friends across the internets and at home) way.

While I would have opted for this much earlier if cost wasn’t an issue, the point is a person with a hearing problem shouldn’t have to. My hearing issue isn’t because I sat next to a tower of speakers at an outdoor Metallica concert for the entire three hours rocking to "Trapped Under Ice", I was born this way. Insurance companies pay for the treatment of an obese smoker’s fifth heart surgery because he just couldn’t stay away from shoving 15 White Castle sliders down his gullet while chain smoking Marlboro Reds but won’t chip in for a person to be able to understand his child/grandchild’s plea to be tucked in at night with a repeat of Dora's adventure to the zoo?

Sad priorities.

Lucky for me, there’s people out there that went above and beyond friendship and now my daily life has been improved because of it. If I was the religious type I'd shout out a "bless you", but instead I'll promise a drink, a handshake, and most likely a better conversation the next time I see you.

Peace.

Many Sounds of Win

While the poker eyes this weekend are on Caesar's Palace in Vegas for the National Heads-up Poker Championship put on by NBC...

Spoilers for Semis found here at Poker News Daily (two Team PokerStars Pros in one match, the other will pit a WSOP Main Event champ and Full Tilt pro versus a PLO expert)

I'm still tinkering with the controls as somethings like loud glass tinkling (another new sound) is coming through like deathly sharp shards hitting my head after a few beer pong matches. Ok, that could be the added effect of mixing good beer with Mich Golden Light while destroying the field in my brother's garage Saturday night.

Luckily a simple trip to the office (which is free as all adjustments are for the life of the aids) and they can tweak the volume (the right ear seems a tad "off") and types of sounds that filter thru. Currently, people's voices in an immediate area come thru the aid amplified louder then say silverware hitting a plate at a table 15 feet away.

Very neat.

State law gives me 45 days to fully a decision on whether to keep the aids or pay $250 as a "molding and setting" fee (and if I was 18 or younger those aids would be free in Minnesota thanks to
62Q.675 if your parents have health insurance). Right now the decision might be made by the end of the week in favor for hearing more things like my daughter's foot steps on the floor at Target.

If you're up tonight I'll be covering the Sunday Warm-up at the PokerStarsBlog. Gracias to all friends, family, readers, and people coming here for double penetration midget porn (actually you people frighten me and should go get that issue looked at).

First of Many

First sound.

Crinking paper.

Interesting concept.

I'll have more auditory enlightments after I figure out the controls on these things, but right now I'm going to "test" different environments like places they serve beer to see if I can overhear the townie drone on about how he missed being Osseo High School prom king in 1986 because his unibrow needed to get plucked at The Lookout and now proclaims to know the right time to hit up the #4 pull tab box for profit.

Enjoy your weekend and thank you all for bring the world a little closer to me.

Chatting, Crying, and Truckin

A sad good-bye to Matt Birk. This move made about as much sense as signing Sage Rosenfels to the Vikes.

Sigh.

---

Saw over 100 signed up for the first Mookie of the BBT4 last night. Rock on folks.

I had zero interest in joining despite getting back from running the kids around, going to the gym, and getting home in time to watch the Gopher's Men Basketball team play an exciting game against Stinkin' Badgers for the possible NCAA at large bid bubble burst. Well, exciting for Big Ten basketball as the score at halftime showed the leading scorer for BOTH teams was 6. I think the rim was in deep thought about filing charges for assault and battery.

Long live the barn.

---

Also on a Full Tilt note, I penned a post for Al's "Poker From the Rail" describing those annoyingly funny three years olds who blow up in the chat boxes and have potential for increasing your bankroll because they can't handle the cards not falling in their favor *raises hand*.

Everyone has been guilty of a "Waffle-esque" rant. Maybe not to the point of describing the different garden tools he used to impregenate your sister and mother last night in a Motel 6, but if you haven't flipped out at the tables there's no base from to learn to control those emotions to build on.

Hop over here to the post.

---

Now that you're done with amateur hour at the ACME Comedy Club, time for the real writers to line up.

Go get your Truckin on. Fair warning for gentlemen who can still get it up without chemicals from Pfizer, stay seated at work while reading Betty's red laced story. Wow.


March 2009, Vol. 8, Issue 3

Welcome back to the latest issue of Truckin'...

1. Lubbock's Own: Larry "the Laugher" Larson by Johnny Hughes

Large Mouth Maude Larson once beat a Hockley County man half to death at the Cotton Club with a bowling pin because she thought he stole her comb. Later, she found it in her purse, like all women do. She didn't feel a bit bad. The world-class bitch... More

2. A Good Beginning by Milton T. Burton

He bills himself as my best friend, but he's not. My best friend was a Kentucky farm boy who died in screaming agony in the Mekong Delta forty years earlier. But even aristocrats like to name-drop occasionally, and mine has been a good name to drop since not long after I came to the New York financial world out of a Cleveland blue color neighborhood by way of Vietnam decades ago... More

3. Happy Valentine's Day Tamara Johnson by Dave Peterson

I moved behind the door to investigate and possibly kill someone. I figured I was ready. The deadbolt lock was sprung with a soft – click. I heard keys jangling, a girl's voice laughing, and then the handle turned. I leveled the revolver and pulled the hammer back... More

4. Hunter Wellington by Betty Underground

Her comfort in her own skin surpasses societies modesty boundaries. It is just how she is. Most people come home from work and take off their shoes. She doesn't stop there, she takes off her pants and pulls her bra off through the sleeves of her t-shirt. Discarding them on the floor of the entrance. She prefers the freedom, and cares less about what others might think... More

5. Monroe by Paul McGuire

Monroe sat at the end of the bar on the last stool. He always did. He never left. The octogenarian arrived five minutes before O'Looney's opened and had to be carried out every night when one of his grandkids stopped by to pick him up... More

Thanks For The Extra Sleep

I try to like these blogger series.

I do.

Watching some Quentin Tarantino flick with a lot of zombies and blood and Rose McGowan looking rather striking as an amputee with an assault rifle for a leg, I broke my word to play the Skillz Series Stud 8 game last night for the Full Tilt BBT4.

Messing with karma just means the exit will be a double penetration donkey dong fucking sans lube, and I bent over for the ride. Swimming with nary a hand bigger then two pair for an hour and half but managed to hold onto my starting stack, I grab hidden aces, get aces full by sixth, cap seventh only to see someone turn over quads.

Awesome.

If I wasn't in such a good mood from the new and improved relaxed home life, there might be a rant following these words. Instead, thanks for playing, appreciate getting five times the buy-in back on Stars due to a reverse cooler on the aptly named "uwillgetbroke", turned off the odd movie that I'll never watch again, grabbed the wife's firm ass and went to bed.

Call it a wash.

Better things like a free night at Treasure Island with free slot play tomorrow make for a happy degenerate since my hearing aids will be draining the majority of the fun money as of Friday at approximately 2:00pm CST. But those amplifiers will pay for themselves if the hot audiologist is to be believed, if anything to hear the inane chatter at a live poker table and my daughter speaking in the third person rants.

"Kyra is not happy with you daddy"

I'm sure many parents have figured out that their own attitudes trickle down to their kids'. Only now that the air at home has become more breathable since the smog of apathy has been HEPA filtered out, has this parent figured out how to enjoy his kids and his marriage again.

I reserve the right to change said shiny-happy-people attitude if I have to change another runny shit diaper in a family changing room at the pool while scooping up said remains that "missed" the toilet. Or until the next virtual cooler.

At least coolers don't smell like two-week old road kill.

Jay Cutler: You Are Wanted At Winter Park

More football talk...

Yesterday the KFAN lines blew up when free agent T.J. Houshman-I-cant-spell-the-rest-of-this-long-ass-name-that-barely-fits-on-an-NFL-jersey was reported to be getting wine-and-dined by Zigi and the rest of the Vikings brass. Dining which included going to Manny's which kick ass steaks should have kept him pinned down to our frozen ass state looking for a perfect compliment to Berrian. A decent route runner to Berrian's speed game, plus Purple Jesus floating across the turf at speeds that would stun Sonic the Hedgehog.

Even with Sage Rosenfels at the helm (grrrrrrrrr) this move made sense and would have boosted the one-sided offense into a multi-weapon arensal when coupled with a decent defense would have given this team NFC Championship/Super Bowl possiblities.

Instead. T.J. goes to Seattle. A 4-12 team. New coach. Wide receivers that fall like outdoor dominos in monsoon season. He could have come to a team that is Super Bowl ready and settles for a few extra millions to be the best player on the house team. If someone with a half-way rational NFL brain can tell me a different reason then the money please do so. Don't some athletes still want to win versus being able to afford that ninth Bentley and strippers on-call in ever NFL city? Finally gets a chance to get out of Ocho Sucko's shadow and settles to try to eclipse Jerry Rice's massive Seahawks receiving totals.

Now... rumor mills are up about possible Cutler to Vikes due to the middle finger the Broncos gave the all-pro 25 year old with a possible 3-way trade with the Chiefs and Bucs.

Get him here Zigi, I suggest the Porterhouse and loaded baked potato. Maybe drop by Schieks for the afternoon shift for cuban stogies and the champagne room, whatever, this team needs a captain with talent not spry corporal with spunk.

Jay, you're wanted here.

---


In online poker talk.

The BBT4 kicked off this weekend with the Big Game and Brit Bloggerment. I jumped into the shallow end as I don't have much cash left on Full Tilt, and "played" in the Bloggerment. QQ vs. AKo, A9o vs. KQ in consecutive hands after scrapping by with bad cards (minus one AA which I slowplayed to the opposite of positive EV) before the 1st break and out.

Not fun. I do not want to get burnt out before this thing even starts so unless the skillz game tonight is Omaha or HORSE, I'll be a cheerleader this week.

---

Friday is the new day for my new ears if the doctors don't decide to pull another auditory cocktease.

I may even pop on for a rare weekend post as my brother is throwing a beer pong tourney just one week after ankle surgery. The man is an alcoholic warrior of solid nordic ilk and shall scream for Valhalla with every cup sunk despite the full leg cast and painkillers. Plus, I'll be able to test my bionic ears in a room filled with drunken yelling and taunts that I'll be able to mirror back now that I should be able to hear them.

Still Unable To Hold It Longer Then 30 Seconds

Wanted to start off Monday with a post my new Lee Major's-esque hearing but unfortunately I drove through some of the shittiest road conditions this winter to get to the doctor's office on Thursday to get met with:

"Sorry they're not ready yet".

We live of course in 2009 where electronic devices allow us to pass sound waves between two points without resorting to pony express or being able to read morse code. The office neglicted to use such wonderous technology and I was left with a need for pended up relief better left for a man who uses two lavender silk pillows for jacking off while watching Rachael Ray on the Food Network.

So, I wait until this Friday.

----

Ok, someone explain how the Vikes do this on Friday and sign Rosenfels (which I'll rant about later, seriously WTF Zigi?).

And now there's blogs and media outlets spewing out these talks about Jay Cutler possibly coming here (please, please, please, please)?!?!

One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila FLOOR!

Quick hits today:

Better hearing will have to wait one more day, as the audiologist said my equipment will not reach the arctic north till tomorrow.

Would have been in time for my sis-in-law's birthday dinner at a Mexician restaurant with four screaming kids.

Darn. Patron shots por favor?

---

From the office of pulling numbers out from behind their ears: "1 in 3 Americans have lost a job or knows someone who has"

Honestly, that number should be 2 in 3 or even 3 in 4. Sadly, its supposed to worse.

---

Made the points in the Mookie last ni... oh wait there were no points, just lubricated conversation and a foreshadow of just how tired I would be if I attempt to play this BBT4 series. Is it possible to play poker until midnight each night (totally glass overflowing with optimism as its more likely I'd bust within the first two hours) and wake up four hours later to splash on some Axe Body Gel onto my chiseled human form hoping to someday get my picture on Hot Chicks with Douchebags maybe even take chode of the week honors.

High life aspirations, yessir. The dream to some day to reach the same rare douche-knight air as "BRA!" makes my nipples dance with glee.

Gear up for Sunday with the folks across the pond for the first official event, and if you like a little spice with your blogger tournament, check out Miami Don's "Big Game" the same night.

Striking Out

There is hope for those still dreaming of sweeping uberhottie Megan Fox off her feet as the 90210 guy pulled an Uncle Jessie and lost the model:

Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox attend Maxim's 8th Annual Hot 100 Party on May 16, 2007.

Us Magazine Megan Fox and fiance Brian Austin Green have split, Usmagazine.com has learned."The relationship had run its course," an insider tells Us exclusively. "It's completely amicable, and they are remaining friends."

Fox, 22 (who'll reprise her role as Mikaela in this Junes sequel Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), and Green, 35 (a regular on Fox's Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles), now are both focusing on their careers," the source adds.Us Weekly has more details on their shocking split. Pick up the new issue, on stands tomorrow.

I may have finally found someone to replace Ms. Lohan in my twisted dreams.

----

On a side note, my wife has gotten me into the gym again after six year of not lifting or working out. Future prop betting drunken arm wrestlers beware.

Oh, as a result of said gym-going... I have a new profound respect for female aerobic instructors. Not just for the way they make paisley colored lyrca form into accidential stiffy inducing states for ogling male not unlike myself. But for the sheer endurance exhibited while doing something called a "Strike" class with my wife yesterday.

This morning a wheelchair may be needed despite a 0.00 BAC.

Vikings Sign Defensive End Julius Peppers

* (AP) February 24, 2009 – Eden Prairie, MN

WINTER PARK – Later today the Minnesota Vikings will announce the signing of defensive end Julius Peppers formerly of the Carolina Panthers. The 6’7” 283 lbs. lineman that was slapped with the franchise tag on February 19th has received an offer for four years $92.5 million contract with $25 million guaranteed from the Vikings to which the Panthers have decided to not match and part ways with the perennial all-pro. His statements will be taken later today.

Peppers originally sought to move to the Dallas Cowboys or Pittsburgh Steelers but landed in the Vikings camp after befriending fellow all-pro Defensive End Jared Allen during last month’s Pro Bowl game in Hawaii while volcano hopping during workout breaks.

“It was a rush to outrun molten lava while trying to spear some wild pigs with bamboo sticks and chugging bottles of Primo with Julius” stated Allen who racked up a similar 14.5 sacks last season. A statistic that is sure to see a boost thanks to the complete all-pro front four rounded out by the “Williams Wall” of all-pros Pat and Kevin Williams. Michael Strahan, the recently retired defensive end who holds the single season sack record, had no comment while tapping his new reality show “Michael Speaks” coming to Fox Sports next month.

The Panther’s Coach John Fox was sadden by the news of the departing stalwart to his defensive line but seemed more elated that quarterback Jake Delhomme passed his off-season mental evaluation. After being picked off five times by the lowly Arizona Cardinals defense in a NFC playoff game, Delhomme was rumored to shack up in a Motel 6 25 miles from Fargo, SD eating buckets of lutefisk and replaying the game while applying shock treatment each time the hawkish Cardinals defense prevented his Frisbee floaters to reach Steve Smith.

The Vikings head coach Brad Childress has this to say at the press conference.

“With the addition Mr. Peppers to our um, defensive line um, we have decided
to um, keep Tarvaris Jackson at quarterback because um, who the hell is going to score um, more
then seven points against that front four? On the subject of um, offense Tarvaris will throw the ball no more then um, four
yards, um, look to see the Purple Jesus and Chester running the ball um, 85% of
the time. Our main concern is T-Jack giving up more um, points then our
defense can, um score”

Super-fan “100% Cheese Free” is said to start up a huge off-season weight lifting regiment upon hearing this news due to Peppers, Allen, and the Williams Wall weighing much more then Berrian or Peterson jumping into the stands after touchdowns.

With a front four to rival the vaunted “Purple People Eaters” defenses of the late 60s and 70, will this Vikings defense carve its own name into history as the first team to score more defensive points then offensive?

In lesser Vikings news to shore up its horrid punt and kick return coverage team, the team also announced digging up Don Beebe and Steve Tasker to prevent another futility record of allowing returns for touchdowns.

* (not even the least bit true but one Vikes fan could dream of that front D-line)

What's With the Pipe Organ Music?

(image from Yahoo.com)

While I didn't watch the Oscars last night due to Comcast issuing an epic fail on basic customer service this weekend (it took four phone calls, and two IM conversations for them to figure out that I needed a new cable box after discontinuing the DVR), I did catch the clip Steve Martin/Tina Fey exchange this morning thanks to the KFAN "Power Trip Show".





Get those two a movie/TV show stat, it might be the only non-sports/poker/porn I'd watch. That and curses to AMC for showing The Godfather and Godfather II on loop for the past week, forcing me to relinquish several hours of sleep to watch Moe Greene take one to the eye, and diving behind a bar whenever the eerie organ music started up. Lack of sleep this past week rolled up to my usual action packed end-of-the-month Sunday night at PokerStarsBlog. Go and check out the $1 Million Turbo Takedown, Sunday Warm-up, and Battle of the Planets write-ups. And for the late late show, Jen was up again covering the Sunday Million which almost had 9,000 players!





The finishing beer after those always taste like liquid platnium. Thankfully, for the past two attempts at following the action the heads-up play was under six hands for all three tourneys yet again. Are they scared to play it out or is taking a (possible) preflop flip positive EV? Considering one of the heads-up match contained a WCOOP champ who has several deep finishes in big online MTTs, wouldn't you want to let skill give you an edge versus hoping to hit with those overcards?





Then again, I've played in exactly one $215 online event (which I cashed in thank you very much) and my largest MTT "score" would buy you two round trip tickets to East Des Moines, Iowa with enough left over to purchase half of an airline snack pack with a watered down beer.





While we're on the online poker kick...





BBT4 has been announced as Al makes his way to Irish Kevin's read below for the times/places/faces. My participation will be a game-time decision each night as the kids have suddenly developed a keen ear for actually listening to what their parents are saying (Best. Streess. Relief. Ever. outside of a decent blowjob of course).





I'll be shooting to play all of the Skillz series games since that's my best shot for a Tournament of Champions seat since it doesn't involve being a NLHE push-monkey and rely on winning those elusive coin flips.





Here's the lineup:





Brit Blogger Game


When: Sunday's at 16:00ET


Game: NLHE


Buyin: $5+.50


Password: donkament





PPI / Riverchasers Tournament


When: Monday's at 22:00


ETGame: Deepstack NLHE


Buyin: $24+2 or token


Password: riverchasers





Blogger Skillz Game


When: Tuesday's at 21:30ET


Game: rotation of non-NLHE games


Buyin: $10+1


Password: skillz








The Mookie


When: Wednesday's at 22:00ET


Game: Deepstack NLHE


Buyin: $10+1Password: vegas1

Skillets Taste Better With Friends

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows

- Sam Kinison

---

First, a thank you.

Although my first real-life meet with these invisible internet friends was briefly during the 2007 Winter Classic in Vegas, the real meet was during the Bash this year. While the bar Olympics raged and I was in my element of playing bar games while imbibing on good grub and perfect pours, new friendships were formed over the three days culminating in that competition made for barflies.

Darts, shuffleboard, a mess chicken wing eating contest that left Jordan and Falstaff with a good amount of Durkee’s hot sauce dripping down their chins while a row of irish car bombs awaited other competitors in the background.

Permanent smiles were made that day, and made wider while conversations over freshly priced skillets at a roadside diner that was nice enough to stay open for the adults that crowded into a mini-van for some quick bites down scary-assed tight backroads of PA, before returning to the fray. Bad dancing and worse displays of drunkness awaited later that night as a skinny accounting worker decided that after his eye-bleach worthy white boy Kid n’ Play moves on the dance floor, his Arm of Adonis would take all-comers with $5 (I apologize as I don’t remember any arm wrestling except reaching in my pocket the next morning while seeing a trio of Canucks eating breakfast and finding enough for 1/4th of my obscenely priced airport taxi ride).

To Dr. Chako, The Wife, and Bam-Bam, I thank you. Doc and The Wife’s offer shocked me so much it took a day or two to register that getting these hearing aids wouldn’t break the bank and I’d be able to hit up the various family and blogger trips I had planned this year.

The Dells, Vegas (for my wife’s convention which is conveniently during the last week of the WSOP before the main event DONKEY DOWN!!!!!!), Chicago, Bash (if there is one), Vegas. All coming in THX Dolby 6.0 surround sound.

Can’t wait.

---

For a minute of poker/blogtastic talk.

I dabble online to see where the competition is at concerning the Omaha games (one can find such free online poker at places like Bodog). They’re still horrible, continue to be horrible, fat chick trying to pole dance at Deja Vu horrible. Learn the game folks, just play tight if needed, but there’s money to be made if you know that 59JJ rainbow isn’t worth a flyer when there’s a bet and two raises in front of you in O8.

I know the poker content here has fallen, and while my love for the game remains the same, its time I’d rather use reading Curious George Goes to the Hospital (the illustrations of George hitting the ether is comedy gold). I play when I can, I write about it when I can but would rather leave those scripted words to PokerStarsBlog or the occasional article for Al at Poker From the Rail at Full Tilt.

I’ve been told these pages have dropped in popularity as Google-bombing certainly did me no favors, and not playing six-tables of PL/NLO8 for four hours a night to come here a throw a Sam Kinison-sized fit about some 12 buy-in swing isn’t helping these “page ranks”.

But, do people really want to read that anymore? Maybe due to my first post being back in aught four those types of posts have grown stale on me and those fresh faces to the internets are still drooling for bad beat and variance stories. Hell, even a decent score (for me) gets not much more then a line or two of typed letters.

You get, what you get here.

Sometimes its poker.

Sometimes its bOObies

Sometimes its life whines.

Sometimes its sappy-shit better left for a Hallmark mini-series on Lifetime starring William H. Macy, but what I do assure my five readers you will get me unedited, missing words, bad punctuation, worse metaphors because that’s who I am and this is my spot to let go.

Toilets Do Not Enjoy Happy Meals

Work has tied down for the time being so I'll drop this head shaker (and wonder when the story of brick-wrapped Brett Farve jersey will be used to have a kid fetch an Old Milwaukee from the fridge is coming out :

You stay classy Wisconsin!

---

I do have a couple of more huge thank you's going out, including the person who's offer came in several weeks ago and made the purchase of these hearing aids easy enough that I'll still be able to make a few blogger trips this year. That'll be tomorrow when the tidal wave of invoices come to splash ashore just to tickle bare feet versus a potential drowning.

---

PSA for current and future parents:

If you hear your almost three year old say the following words/phrases and these actions combined be very afraid:

1) Hear sound of toilet flushing
2) "Oops"
3) "My McDonald's toy fell down"
4) Sound of toilet disagreeing with said obstruction

Sigh.

I Won A Headache and a Monkey

I don't know if you guys want to be outed as helping me on the road to being hooked on hearing phonics but a big thank you these guys making my decision a simple one:

Chilly
BG
PokerPeaker
Pauly

And over the weekend I got a letter from the Palmetto State with the envelope labeled "G-Vegas Collective". Begging for a letter from G-Rob offering to play PLO and PLO8 again, inside the letter said such a table couldn't be spread until Samson gets done with his private lessons from Robert Williamson III and Jeff Hwang.

*cough* Like that's going to help *cough*

Instead two friends sent me a note and money reminding me why our invisible internet friends that we've met over the years despite miles of trees, congested roadways, and regional accents in the way, feel like they're in your kitchen mixing up another martini before shouting "I raise dark!".

While we might not play poker on the internets as much as the glory days of Party Poker, bonus whoring, and these pages being more about poker then whining about my so-called life, the friendships still remain.

Humbled, smiling, and graceful.

Thank you BadBlood and Otis.

----

On the note of internet poker there are two things I will not be doing in the near future.

1) Playing eight tables of PLO and PLO8 with half of them 6-max.

2) Playing the $10+$1 $200,000 guarantee at PokerStars

The first one was to chase those juicy 25 billionth hand giveaway for four hours, of which netted me $1.87 (playing with over half of my depleted bankroll on the tables), a handful of Frequent Players Points (to buy another cute monkey from the FPP store), and a headache that required a few double Cap'n Cokes with an Excedrin chaser.

Did not win any bonuses since the randomizer choose all Hold Em' tables while I played. RIGGED!!!

How I ever used to do this on a daily basis for far more hours is beyond me. Forgetting that PL/NLO8 was on one side of the screen and PLO-Hi was on the other is a bad mistake.

The 27,000 player donkfest saw me getting thru 26,000 players (finished in the 900s)...

... only to find out that players 271 - 4,000 got paid the same. Maybe some basic reading skills found on Wyatt's kindergarten "Reading is Fun!" workbooks would tell me that the proper strategy is to push, push, push with hopes for a big stack since finishing mid-late field means shit.

No gold star for me, but that $28K for first is a neat apple to shoot for since it only cost $11 to enter.

---

Hearing aids will be ready in two weeks with a program button to include "ignore nagging wife", "decipher drunk", and "read your soul".

I like.

Eat Your Wheatons!

Couple of weekend pimps after I had the lovely audiologist who was a cross between Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria pump me full of gel. Yeah, kinda hard to make small talk while getting your ears encased in wax, but damn she was hot.

First off...

Wil Wheaton is back, but never left, yet is here. Strange.

Anyway, new stuff from the master of the d20 die looking roll a crit hit on the silver plated dragon and playing make believe on a TV and movie set near you.

Found on Pauly's blog, its Wheaton's new book Sunken Treasure on sale over at Lulu.com

Go buy. I just did. If someone has a recommendation on his other books, let me know.

======

DREAM TEAM POKER TAPS FORMER WPT EXEC TO LEAD BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT

LOS ANGELES – FEBRUARY 12, 2009 – Dream Team Poker today announced the hiring of
Katherine Kowal to be the company’s new director of business development, adding
another industry veteran to their impressive executive team. Kowal will be
charged with further advancing Dream Team Poker’s casino presence and enhancing
brand recognition among poker players.

Kowal was the former
director of casino and player relations at the World Poker Tour. She joined the
poker tour giant in 2003 and was responsible for growing domestic and
international strategic partnerships for the company. During her time with the
WPT, Kowal managed casino partnerships, player relations and event marketing and
coordination.

"Katherine has a proven track record of success
everywhere she has been in the gaming and entertainment industry," said Dream
Team Gaming CEO Daniel Delshad. "Her poker and casino acumen will help place
Dream Team Poker among the elite gaming authorities in the
industry."

Kowal will help Dream Team Poker identify and target new
casino partners to license the patented Dream Team Poker system as well as
oversee DTP’s event marketing, player relations, and strategic partnerships. In
addition, she will be responsible for maintaining relationships with top casinos
and leverage those relationships to build the DTP Brand.

“Taking
this position at Dream Team feels like a natural next step for me,” said Kowal.
“My background in casino and player management has made working in this industry
rewarding. I hope to boost new player sign ups and help casinos see the unique
value of Dream Team Poker’s exciting team-based tournament structure. ”

Prior to joining WPT, she worked in television production for Nash
Entertainment, where she produced shows for networks including The Learning
Channel and FOX Entertainment. Kowal earned a Bachelor of Science from Boston
University with a major in Communications.

Dream Team Poker hired
Kowal shortly after announcing their second tournament at the poker room in
Caesars Palace Las Vegas on March 27-29, 2009. To register for the Dream Team
Poker Caesars Palace Las Vegas event and for more information on, please visit www.dreamteampoker.com.

###

About Dream Team Gaming

Dream Team Poker is a new “team-based” structure and scoring system for
tournament poker. Dream Team Poker’s patent-pending scoring system allows
players to compete on an individual basis while getting scored as a team, giving
each player better odds and chances to win money as they compete for individual
and team prizes. Casinos benefit from Dream Team Poker’s structure as players
have new incentives to stay at the property after busting out, resulting in
longer hotel reservations, more meals eaten at casino restaurants, and general
increase on property, which generates more side play revenue.

Founded in 2007, Dream Team Poker is growing rapidly and
licensing its tournament structure to many of the nation’s largest and popular
casinos. It is the first gaming product developed by Dream Team Gaming, a
privately held company headquartered in Beverly Hills, CA. For more information,
please visit www.dreamteampoker.com

25 Billion! (Poker Stimulus Package Post!)

Last night's drunken poker night found some success as I left a little bit of money on Stars and Tilt with hopes to play in the upcoming BBT4 and small MTTs.

Five tourneys played.

Three cashes.

Two final tables. One paid for my kid's lunch at McDonald's (ninth place), the other I was shocked to see was worth a trip to Vegas (third place). If Obama isn't going drop some cash on people, I'll just have to take it from the donkeys.

For those with time on their hands may want to start stalking PokerStars over the next week or so thanks to all the free moneys they're giving out check it out below:

PokerStars is having a 25 Billion Bash, and everyone is invited to join the celebration! Just over 18 months after our 10 Billionth Hand was dealt, we are now on the verge of dealing our landmark 25 Billionth Hand, and we’re not going to let such an occasion go unmarked. We’re going to be celebrating in the only way we know how - by having a bash, full of promotions that will give away some huge prizes!

The 25 Billion Bash’ Promotions
25% Reload bonus up to $250
Cash prizes for milestone hands
The 25 Billionth Mega Milestone
Sunday Warm Up & Sunday Million guarantees increased

25% Reload Bonus up to $250We want to thank all of our players for helping us reach this amazing milestone by offering our biggest ever site-wide reload bonus - a 25% deposit bonus up to $250!* To qualify for this bonus, make a qualifying deposit between 12:00 ET on February 11 and 23:59 ET on February 18, using the bonus code 25bash.

To clear the bonus, you must earn the required number of Base FPPs (VPPs) which can be found in your PokerStars lobby under the 'Cashier' area. Once in the cashier window, simply click the button labeled "Check My Bonus Status." For more information on earning Base FPP and this incredible bonus offer, visit our 25% bonus page.

Cash prizes for milestone hand:

sAs we approach the 25 Billionth Hand, you’re going to want to be playing at our cash ring game tables to try to win our milestone hand prizes. Starting from hand 24,850,000,000, we’re going to be giving away cash prizes for every millionth hand dealt until we hit number 25 Billion, a total of 150 milestone hands**. The winner of each milestone hand will receive a cash prize on top of the pot they have already won, while the rest of the table will also be awarded a cash prize for just being dealt in to the hand. The following prizes will be awarded depending on the table stakes as displayed in the PokerStars lobby:

Limit
Winner
The Rest
Micro
$300
$125
Low
$750
$250
Medium
$1,250
$500
High
$2,500
$1,000

We've got even better news for you if you’re a VIP Club member. If you're SilverStar VIP or above at the time you are dealt into any of the milestone hands, whatever cash prize you win will be multiplied according to your current VIP status. So the higher your VIP level, the more you'll win! See the table below for multiplier details:

VIP Tier
Milestone Hands Bonus
SilverStar
15% Bonus
GoldStar
30% Bonus
PlatinumStar
60% Bonus
Supernova
120% Bonus
Supernova Elite
200% Bonus

For example, you can turn a $1,250 prize into $1,625, just for being a GoldStar VIP.

The 25 Billionth Mega Milestone Hand:

With the focus of the 25 Billion Bash being on the 25 Billionth Hand we deal, it is only right that we award the biggest prizes of all to the players who participate in this historic hand. The winner of the 25 Billionth Hand will be awarded a staggering $100,000 cash prize, as well as ALL of the following; an EPT Monte Carlo package, a PokerStars Caribbean Adventure package, a World Series main event package and a WCOOP Main Event ticket. All in all, the winner of the 25 Billionth Hand dealt on PokerStars will claim a prize worth more than $150,000! While the winner of the hand will receive the main prize, we’re also going to be awarding cash prizes to the rest of the players who are dealt into the Mega Milestone Hand. $100,000 in cash will be shared equally by all players who are dealt into the 25 Billionth Hand! (Players must be dealt into a milestone hand to be eligible for prizes. Players sitting out during a milestone hand are not eligible.) This means that in total the 25 Billionth Hand will be worth a combined $250,000 in cash and prizes! (Please note: Prizes awarded to those dealt into the 25 Billionth Hand are not subject to VIP Multipliers as per the regular milestone hands outlined above.)

Sunday Warm Up & Sunday Million guarantees ramped up:

We recognize that only a few lucky players will have shot at taking the main prize from the 25 Billion Bash, but there are still plenty of other ways you can benefit. On February 15, the Sunday Majors will have their guaranteed prize pools significantly increased. The Sunday Warm-Up at 12:45 ET will have its guarantee boosted to $1.25 million. This will be followed up by the Sunday Million at 16:30 ET, where players will battle for a guaranteed prize pool worth $2.5 million. Both tournaments can be found under the Tourney > Special tab in your PokerStars lobby and have a direct buy-in of $215. You can also win your way into these events for as little as a few dollars, in our regular satellites all week long.Good luck, and see you at the tables!

Regards,

The PokerStars Team

The Wait Is the Hardest Part

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

From L.A. With Love

I wish I could write this morning but I received something in the mail yesterday from a good friend that has left me without adjectives again.

So instead, I'll direct you to his latest posts that tops even his high standards.

"Where's My Bailout?"

"Soul Cards"

Thank you McG.

Making the appointment today for the hearing aid molding and with any luck I'll be able to hear the Peter Gammons/A-Rod interview (which will get replayed more then any Brett Farve update) by the end of the week without having to read it on the TV.

Marriage: Its What's For Dinner

Ying to the Yang. Opposites attract and you know it.

People marry for different reasons, she looked hot in the bright yellow bikini with green lacing, he made a bundle on Microsoft and sold at the right time so I can take in Dr. Phil’s advice daily while sitting in an Aruba penthouse suite, or because he/she completed me.

If someone took notice of my eight point five years of marriage to my wife and asked what the secret to a lasting marriage, I would scoff and kindly tell them to check with her as to why she hasn’t changed the locks yet. Our marriage is not one of Harlequin romance novels with cover showing the stallion of a man sporting a perfect six-pack on his stomach not in his hands swooning over the tatterly dressed shapely female. Its balancing patience for each other’s quirks, giving in here, but not there, its making sure there’s no doubt that if one falls the other is there to catch. Not a stretch considering the road conditions this morning were better fit for dog sleds then overpriced SUVs.

Even with that knowledge the best I can hope for is by the end of the day we’re talking to each other versus blowing up over who changed Kyra’s shitty underwear more times throughout the day (she won 4-2 yesterday, with a double dose right before bed time, this is going to make for some awkward dates in the future, maybe she’ll marry a German Poop porn collector who’s into that sort of thing). I, for the record, will never “get it”, one of these days I’ll understand just to give into the flow instead of turning over to stare at a the lime green clock showing a two for the first digit. Each day I give a little more into this union and stop the relentless pursuit of perfection where every day we have perfect simultaneous multiple orgasms before work, a tower of thick-cut hickory-smoked bacon waiting in the breakfast nook, kids happily climbing into their winter jackets, work flying by with text messages as to which chandelier we’ll swing from tonight, the perfect steak dinner while the kids sit attentively and tell us all about sledding with nana and pa, then topping of the night with Cristal and moves that would make half the actresses in Flipchip’s AVN photos blush.

Instead, I’m more inclined to shoot for a day that doesn’t suck. A smile, a slow peck on the lips, conversations that don’t end with “you’re an idiot”, a hug from two little ones, a steady paycheck, decent eats on the table, and getting my ass kicked in every word game put out on Facebook. Seriously, go look at my record on Scramble, I get beat more then some New York City tomato can that could have been a contender if his left hook hit harder then a two month old Burmese kitten.

Like Kid Icarus who flew too close to the sun only to crash and burn those wax wings, my take on this union of marriage is the same to stop fantasizing about perfection and work on contentment with a hint of daily improvement. Somewhere there’s a balance between Vegas-filled fantasy nights and sitting in front of must-see-TV learning about The O.C.’s likes and dislikes, giving up doing Black Belt Sudoku puzzles on the sunken couch while knitting an afghan.

---

I’m cooking up a poker post for Al’s place of employment over at Poker From the Rail sponsored by Full Tilt. There’s a bunch of words in my head but no direction which is pretty standard, once the outlines pops in, head out to check it out especially now with the FTOPS MCXXIII going on.

In other poker-y news, a question for those who go deep in big MTTs… if you’re a “recognizable” player as railbirds flock to be amazed of your ability to win coinflips, 2nd in chips with 19 left, six figures for first, and the chip leader is sitting at your table and has shown the inability to fold the Letter “A” regardless of board. Why would you attempt some elaborate call flop, check-raise all-in turn float for your nearly triple par stack (to non-poker player readers, my apologies for the poker lingo ass-plosion there)?

I'm sure there was a reason beyond my feeble knowledge of the game and lack luster results but being a semi-student of the game it seemed odd.

----
A-Rod.

Why bring this up six years later?

The fans are finally starting to cheer again, I for one flicked it on Kerry Wood’s 20K game on the new MLB cable station when DP pointed it out and enjoyed watching guys like Biggio play the game with some grit and remembered why I was a fan.

Shit like this kills the average one to two games at the stadium a year fans. Stop it. It was before the policies were in place. What does shining the light on this do besides put your most recognized active player in bed with disgraced all-stars like Bonds and Clemens?

Did Bud Selig take an overdose of stupid with his bran muffin and $17 million contract?

The Cost of a Beat Down

Watching the Gophers catch a beat down from the Spartans last night (which cost me a prop bet with Bobby Bracelet)...

... was nothing compared to this Florida Cheerleader beatdown of Victoria Lindsay (careful, ad pop ups), view the video towards the bottom of the screen. Trying to find the full video netted me a hand full of Rick Roll's but if you're more web savvy then I, let me know.

And people wonder why parents fear for their kids growing up.

Truckin and Phelps Go Hand In Hand

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Quick Hits

Just had to link this up, and ask "why couldn't this happen to me?"

Paid to watch porn? Yes please:


TUCSON, Ariz. – A cable television provider apologized Monday to Tucson-area customers over a 30-second porn interruption during the Super Bowl.

Philadelphia-based Comcast said it was conducting a thorough investigation "and will aggressively pursue all leads until we come to resolution." In separate statements, the company said it was "mortified" and "appalled" by the interruption.

"Our initial investigation suggests this was an isolated malicious act," Jennifer Khoury, Comcast's vice president for corporate communications, said.

The company said only customers in the Tucson area receiving the standard definition feed — not high definition — were affected.

Comcast has some 80,000 customers in unincorporated portions of Pima County, Marana and Oro Valley, but a Comcast spokeswoman, Kelle Maslyn, declined to say how many standard definition customers there are or how many of those customers may have been watching the game.

Late Monday, Khoury said Comcast had decided to offer any Tucson customer who gets the standard definition service a $10 credit. The affected customers can receive the credit by calling a special telephone number or a Comcast call center, and are entitled to the money whether or not they watched the Super Bowl.

"The Super bowl is a family viewing event ... We can't undo what happened, but we remain deeply sorry for the impact this situation has had on our customers," Khoury said.
She said the credit was intended to "demonstrate to our customers, and to the Tucson community, how seriously we take this situation."

Tucson media outlets reported that they received calls from irate viewers about the pornographic material, which aired just after the Arizona Cardinals' Larry Fitzgerald scored on a long touchdown reception during the final minutes of the game.

In Washington, Federal Communications Commission spokesman David Fiske said he was not aware of any complaints having been filed with the FCC as of Monday afternoon.
"At this point we just have no information," he said. If the agency receives complaints, review procedures will be followed.

"Every case concerning enforcement or indecency is fact-specific," he said, and added, "we can't ever speculate."

Khoury also said it was too soon to discuss a number of unanswered issues, ranging from how and why the incident occurred to what the source was and how the company's security system was breached.

Other questions include whether the interruption could have emanated from any broadcast provided for on-demand customers and whether any employees of the company might face discipline, depending on the investigation's outcome.

Fiske could not say whether the FCC potentially could impose a fine or other disciplinary action. "It depends on what the facts are," he said.

And Georges St. Pierre accused of cheating?

I was home that night as the wife took a night on the town with friends and she watched the fight as I battled the bottom feeding PLO players on Stars and Tilt (I will not disclose my recent play for the sake of a streak). I'll have to ask her if slippery grappling was the reason Penn lost, but from 2nd hand retakes, it sounded like GSP was dominating standing up and that was the reason for the TKO.

Any MMA fans out there with a plug for GSP's defense that a little dab of vaseline shouldn't make a difference?

I Want a Quadrophonic Blaupunkt

The one resolution, which was in my mind long before it took the form of a resolution, is the key-note of my life. It is this, always to regard as mere impertinences of fate the handicaps which were placed upon my life almost at the beginning. I resolved that they should not crush or dwarf my soul, but rather be made to blossom, like Aaron's rod, with flowers.

Helen Keller (1880-1968)

A little sappy quote, but one that rings true in my life.

At a lost for words at the moment as offers to help me pay off the hearing aids come in. Including some huge help from a large skinny guy dancing around in a kilt somewhere in the Carolinas who found out that $5,100.00 price quote is a tad high and I should do some shopping before taking the debt plunge.

If you've lived a full life, then there's to be a point which you've looked in the mirror and said "fuck it, I'm done with this, it's not worth trying anymore". Of course you may use softer language or jumble the words up a bit, but the decision to fight versus flight doesn't come easy. I've had more then a few of these forks in the road in my life as everyone does. If one were to map out those life roads for myself, they would be paved with hairpin turns overlooking several thousand feet in the air. Yes, I've come that close to not imposing these words on you fine folks today.

It took me a long time to realize just how lucky I am to have a caring wife, two healthy children, and a sturdy backbone network of family and friends who are willing to help at the sound of a phone call or even a blog post. After finally waking up to take notice of my surroundings, there came a need long overdue.

To better myself.

The first step is getting these hearing aids, or at least trying them out to see if there's a worth to them. By law there's a 30 or 45 day trail period in which the audiologist and myself can check to see if the aid will pump in more luscious metaphorific sayings into my head to put down on this daily journal from watching TV/movies or finally hearing entire conversations. Or if they don't work, I ship back your donations and go back to reading lips with a smile. No harm, no foul, just to use a worn out saying "playing the hand dealt". Just like my looks won't get me on the cover of GQ or Maxim for that matter as I'd have to update my bikini wax for that gig, my hearing will always factor into advancing at the office.

Truthfully, do you want a supervisor or analyist that makes you repeat half your presentation or excuse as to why you couldn't come to work today?

Thus the glory of the internets (and a good friend putting trust into someone who can't keep his damn phone charged to get an important text, sorry about that Otis) gave me a chance to do something with my love for poker, writing about it, and make some decent cash. There's no missed joke or snide remark after the river card gave the surly Swede his two-outer to best the 19 year old balla originally from Cow Town, Wyoming now living in a decked out Key West house with five other online poker savants that 24 table SnGs and cash games and buy six figure cars with their frequent players points. All the hand information and chat is laid out in its pixelized glory on my Toshiba 15" laptop. Without these games on the web, I wouldn't have that little selfish something extra to look forward to. Something outside the 9 to 5, the family, the cube, the commute.

It may seem silly to some that I put such stock into a part-time job like this, and I know there will be a time in the future that the work may no longer be there, but for me doing things like the weekend reporting at PokerStarsBlog, and hauling my sorry ass into the audiologist is helping to break the rust off my life that had collected far too long. Maybe I'll find out that there's some talent deep within the horrible metaphors and punny sentences spewed out here and during the tourney recaps and that might get me on a plane to exotic Mongolia for the possible new Russian Poker Tour stop in 2012.

For now, as Crash Davis once imposed his wisdom on the Porsche driving Nuke LaLoosh "We gotta play it one day at a time." And that's my intent from here on out.