Wednesday, July 22, 2009

This Not That

Its Chinese Take Out day WHOO WHOO!

All orgasmic things about MSG and Kung Pao chicken go down the shitter because I will not mention my run-in with US Bank as they deserve a herpes-infected cashier's check down their eardrums after the robots at the "lost claims" department decided to not listen to my sane suggestions to avoid having to pay a fee or another two week delay for an insurance check I need to sign over to the contractor who finished the siding job on my house three weeks ago.

Can't cash the check without their signature. 3-5 days for this, pay a $25 fee, then another 5-7 days for that, all because they won't accept the inspections done by the CITY GOVERNMENT or the INSURANCE COMPANY WHO APPROVED THE $7,500 CHECK.

Sigh. This after two weeks of working with their local office and calling them yesterday just to hear a totally different story. I hope next time that banker rolls thru the Arby's drive-thru he get shafted with no Arby sauce packets.

Two day to guy's weekend at my trailer/cabin that never disappoints for good ol' hick fun consisting of golf-casino-golf-drink-drink-drink-poker-drink to forget about the US Bank affair.

As my mind is firmly on knocking wedges within 10 feet while forgetting my drink count and chomping down on a decent Gurkha cigar here's Pauly once again roll out the best short stories on the web. Check it out early and often folks:

Welcome back to a (very) late summer issue of Truckin'.

1. Trading Pickles by Paul McGuire
Sven worked in the largest pickle factory in Western Norway. It was a dreary town, but Sven's options were limited since he had a terrible habit of holding a steady jobs. In the four and a half years since he graduated from university, he held no less than 76 jobs. All of them had something in common... he was fired from all 76... More

2. Learning to Steal in the Boy Scouts of America by Johnny Hughes
We had a code similar to the Boy Scout code in some ways. There was no stealing from the mom and pop grocery stores that were on every other corner. No stealing from houses. No vandalism. And as I said, we did not steal while in our Boy Scout uniforms... More

3. Yellow No. 2 By Betty Underground
He had pulled the mirror and the little box from the coffee table shelf and was cutting and lining up the next round. It was the 90s in Los Angeles. We had fallen into the alteration that cocaine had provided for our creative minds. Neither of us addicted to the drug, but walking a fine line of destruction to our relationship. Being almost unable to communicate with each other without it... More

4. The Grays by Milton T. Burton
We froze and they smirked, their bright, gleeful eyes drinking in our fear. Then two of them pulled knives. Large knives. I put my arm around my daughter and drew her close. Cozart was calm beside me but I could hear him whispering a prayer in what sounded like Latin. Old habits die hard, I guess... More

5. Justin Masterson By Broseph
The game was interesting enough, but I needed more excitement. I noticed two young ladies standing on the rail near us, decked out in Bosox regalia and holding a bottle of sun screen. About my age, they were attractive and fit the profile of girls I would normally bone sober... More

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