Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Does It Mean We're Going Steady?

This morning would be a trying one for any not use to this weather. I have a personal thermometer for what is cold and what is just normal, annoying Minnesotan winter weather.

You step outside, not the garage, but actually outside with the wind and lack of inflatable toys and balls that are screaming for you to bring them inside. While outside take a big breath, not unlike the one you take for the doctor before he checks your tar-stained lungs.

Done with the breath? Feel good to be one with nature? Did you lick the metal flag pole?

Might want to skip that last part.

Now, did your nose hairs stick to the side of your nose? I don’t care about the $75 nose hair extractor you metrosexuals purchased at Brookstone, there’s still some locks inside your snot.

This morning.


-16 temps this morning (that not Celsius for our fair weather friends to the north, -26 C). People who think its funny to change their Facebook status to “Brad is sitting outside with flip-flops on in 70 degree weather”, need a frozen 2X4 to the back of the head courtesy of us idiots who live in these climates. Sigh. You get what you sign up for.


Got my teeth cleaned last night by a certified Dental Assistant and was told my canines are not hitting the right places. I replied, I’ll tell the wife to shift a little more to the left next time we’re having sex.

She almost hit her head on that overhead light-thingy while Rachel Ray prepping some chicken behind her for another wonderful 30 minute meal and was right on cue with a slight devilish laugh.

There’s a problem I had with the next part of the dentist office visit. Doctor of Dentistry enters the room and promptly puts on his little mask after asking about my impending trek to Ely this weekend (thinking more about the casino, booze, and ice fishing rather then the certain -20+ temps). Perhaps this is common procedure but I got treated to a wang rub on my arm as he reached across to get a closer look at those mis-aligned canines. I’m not adverse to human touch and have a firm hold on my heterosexuality but feeling the tube of Crest on my arm made the chicken alfredo with spinach being made on the LG HDTV up above a second thought.



It’s new.

Go read.

Truckin' - January 2008, Vol. 8, Issue 1

Welcome back to the first issue of the new year.

1. The Mollification the Foul Temptresses by Paul McGuire The hookers at the Rio were a combination of famished vultures and parched vampires ready to pick apart any carcass. Any john. Any drunk. Anybody in their path. They were evil personified.... More

2. The Orchard by Joe Speaker I reach for her hand, probing, touching it delicately. We don't form a fist when we come together, nothing like the taut intertwine of fingers you see lovers form, those Gordian knots, unwieldy like a stone fortress. Our fingers hang off each other's loosely, three of mine, two of hers, vice-versa, and they dangle. Spider webs in the wind. Tenuous connection... More

3. Hector by David PetersonI remember clearly when the cops came and took Hector's mom away. He seemed rather nonplussed by the whole thing as we stood on the curb watching a bedraggled and wild-eyed woman being escorted from her home in cut-off jeans, a loose-fitting white tank top and handcuffs... More

4. Flight #22 to Denial by Sean A. Donahue Her eyes were black as the night. Her black hair cascaded near her high cheekbones and tanned complexion. Her body wasn't made for sin but for pleasure, and the glasses she wore on her head framed her face perfectly. The only thing that didn't make sense was that it was raining over her head... More

5. Running it Twice by Andrew Moxon There are, however, certain points of opportunity. Soft places in time, when the cockpit door comes open and we second-timers can take over. That's when things can change. Sometimes, every so often, we walk through that door and start flipping the switches... More

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