Monday, May 01, 2006


I see the Twinkies are trying to make Aaron’s head explode early this year. Pssst, hey Ronny… losing 33-1 over a weekend to Detroit isn’t exactly the “shot of adrenalin” that the team needed after the drubbing you took in Chicago. In fact some people may say that the Tibetan National Team hits for average better then your patched together “major league ballclub”.

Last year’s Twins Pitchers: “WHAT THE FUCK, we give up two runs a night and you can’t get a few measly base hits with runners in scoring position!?!?!@?@?”

This year’s Twins Pitchers: “Um, yeah, so do you think Pujols will break Barry’s single season home run record?? Dome dogs are half priced? Score!”

People are pointing towards a “rough schedule” and vets that need time to gel together as a team. Well, 33-1 drubbings over a weekend at the major league level are about as encouraging as your prom date laying down to slip off that cleavage revealing midnight blue satin gown beneath the mirror on the ceiling over to whisper in your ear inside a $350 Westin hotel suite (that took you seven extra shifts at Jack In The Box to sport for) to tell you… “my sores went away last night so we should be ok”.

You’re welcome for the visual on a Monday.

My uninspired poker play continued this weekend as I managed to dump a couple hundred into the bank accounts of some of PartyPoker’s finest. But, I managed to tread water at Full Tilt and Full Contact Poker to minimize the soreness to the hind quarters. In light of my recent ass backwards play I decided to go on a bonus whoring mission of great proportions (more to the point of 1/4th of my bankroll). ScurvyDog mentioned a Euro site of TopRankedPoker (B2B skin) offering a sizable bonus that is payable in 30 days. This will give me a chance to earn some cash while not tempting me to blow through the required raked hands faster then a teenage boy finding blurry porn for the first time on late night cable and finding out what happens when slick willy gets a little too excited. I think Nadia had experience with this phenomenon but I wonder if the Mansion boys asked her about it…

No sex for three months gets me sidetracked.

The site does have lower traffic but for those who love shorthanded NLHE games it could be a gold mine. Since that’s the only thing that is running generally, almost all of the tables are 6-handed and with the smaller site you can note who to tangle with and who to avoid fairly easily. My goal is to earn 100 VIP points (3000 needed to clear the bonus) a night for the month of May and hopefully earn enough of the bonus to have my first profitable month this year. At first glance there’s some exceedingly odd play as many of the players love the min raise on the turn with air and later on get you to pay off their trips while holding 42s or a similar junk hand.

Plus you can play Soko!

Basically Soko is 5 card draw with a 4 flush and 4 straight beating one pair (4 flush beats a 4 straight as well). This game is played as Pot Limit and the true bonus whores should be smart enough to see if a 0-.50 game is running, that means there’s no ante and you can blissfully fold your way to raked hands (if that’s your desire) only being forced to bet if your 1st up card is high.

This site is played for Euros, so make sure you put that into account before buying in, and it seems that the pot needs to hit around five Euros to earn a VIP point. So far I’ve been earning points at the .25/.50 tables with mild ease. Its definitely not as easy as Party’s reload bonuses but a 600 Euro addition to my bankroll would certainly be welcomed at this point. Something about watching the accumulating red ink on my daily poker ledger has me backpedaling like husband who just told his wife to shut the fuck up and realizes after he comes through with a toaster sized lump on his head that those words may have been a tad blunt.


Besides poker of the online variety I managed to set up a small live tourney with some close friends on Saturday. Mom decided to cater (without being asked) and spread some love handles expanding goodness that soaked up most of my Cap’n Cokes. BBQ beef, cheesy po-ta-toes, teriyaki chicken wings, chocolate chip bars, rice kripsy bars, and chips of several variations were laid out for mass consumption. And after watching the Vikes blow yet another draft (it remains to be seen, but why didn’t they go after Leinhart or Cutler????) I was in need of a little gluttony.
The first tourney I unfortunately set up the structure to end the game at sometime after Christmas but managed to carve out a chop for first out of nine people. The second tourney we played a $5 + $5 bounty tourney which was very lucrative for my dad as he took five of the ten bounties (including mine) and first place. The aggressive structure in the second game allowed for us to get done at a reasonable hour and have enough break time to add four pounds to my expanding frame from all that food. Burp.

I was hoping for some more people at the tourney but the lightness in attitude towards the UB Kem cards being turned over and being surrounded by good friends made for a fun time that broke the recent air of futility that I’ve been displaying on the virtual felt on a nightly basis.

It seems all I can talk about lately is (insert good hand here beat by not-so-good-hand here) or some inane cold decking that really doesn’t fuckin matter. Play the hands the way they are supposed to be played or out-think your opponent. Don’t bemoan the fact that the end result doesn’t favor you.

Those are the type of things I should be worried about, not KK vs. AA or losing with Aces Full vs. Quads or KK losing to a rivered flush by 95sOOOOted. Those are just hands that you do not have control of, so stop whining.

I’m talking to myself by the way.

I’m sure most of the people who read here have a much better grasp on the gambling aspect of this game. Maybe I just need a .wav file from Felicia shouting “STOP YOUR WHINING DRIZZ!!” and click on it each time I let those negative thoughts enter my game.

Thanks for dropping by, now if your happy and you know it and your face really shows it, if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

I hope that song is now firmly lodged into your heads MUWAHAHAHAHA.

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