Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Questioning Your Faith

Lately the three year old in me has come out with endless questions about the grass being green, sky being blue, and why people feel the need to race their motorized vehicles with the vigor of a Nascar driver when the white flag comes out towards the row of fiery-red brake lights and stop close enough for car spooning?

Why won’t presidential candidates shut the fuck up and stop waffling my vote (Today, Obama gets it)?

Why must people insist on walking thru life like an ostrich and hope someone else gets the work done?

Why does a bag of popcorn cost $.99 everywhere else except the movies?

Why does the flu strike in the fall but not the summer?

Why is watching a Baywatch-esqe chest bounce fascinating, while watching a beer gut swish revolting?

Why don’t my kids behave like that all the time?

Why do I constantly hurt, yet feel happy?

Why does this site (thanks to Waffles) bring me back to the days of just above minimum wage while donning the red and khaki? Had many-a-days like the story below:

(At the clothing store where I work, I’ve spent hours folding and sizing jeans into a wall display. A customer comes up starts to look for her size.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you today? My name is ***. Can I help you find the size or style of jeans you are looking for today?”

Customer: “No, I’m just looking… thanks.”

Me: “Alright. Well, you just let me know if you need any help.”

(As I go back to folding jeans, she pulls out a pile I’ve already fixed, proceeds to destroy it and shoves it back in the wall.)

Me: “Are you sure I can’t help you find what you are looking for?”

Customer: “Nah, I’m alright.”

(She destroys pile number #2.)

Me: *wincing* “I might be able to help you find the size you are looking for a little faster…”
Customer: “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

(She destroys pile number #3.)

Me: “Ma’am, please let me help you since I know where everything is.”

Customer: “I said I was okay! Don’t you people have better things to do than bug your shoppers?! I don’t need your help!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m going to help you anyway. I’ve spent nearly six hours refolding and fixing this wall because customers like you come in and ruin it with no regard to the people who have to clean up your mess. Since we size things with the smallest size at the top and the largest size at the bottom, I suggest that you look somewhere near the bottom pile for your jeans!”

Customer: *jaw drops* “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!”

Me: “No, I’m implying it.”
Customer: “WELL I NEVER!” *storms out*

(I got written up, but it was totally worth it!)

Why do people insist on others acting morally right when it’s an individual’s sense of morality that deems you morally correct?

Why do people insist you should go to church to find God and that he needs $10 million for a new rec center addition to the compound so kids can learn the apostles’ names while hitting jump shots?

Why do the wrong things come out of my mouth?

Why should BadBlood come to Vegas? One word: Rematch Two words: Pai Gow

Why do women expect men to have sexual ESP?

Why do I enjoy writing despite having zero book sense of the English language and all its grammatically difficult rules while leaving out words every other sentence?

Why did my child do that here but not there?

Why isn’t it December already (congrats to Pablo and Gracie!)?

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