There’s a coldness inside of me that will never be warmed. It comes out some nights when all that can be done is stare out the back window to the unfinished lawn with the highway lights dancing off the maple trees. A flood of muddled thoughts flow through but the clarity for listening to the rants in my head is on par with an 800 number for a credit-card customer service center in Bengaluru. Nothing is understood, deciphered, nor solved. “Fade to Black” running from ear to ear wondering how my ass is sitting on a plush couch instead of worse place where fresh memories are never grown again.
Its not an easy life to go on, to slap on too much Axe musk scented body spray and face the world with a snicker that you get the joke, you understand how pretentious corporate and suburban life can be. Was it a right decision to stick it out, to face more failures, to try and earn the heart of another?
Lost but found, lost again but wandering the streets looking for the right turn for home. One can only hope that once there the smiling faces make the journey back into your skin for tomorrow’s mysteries all worth it. My hope is someday the reflection in the mirror does not hate the person he is looking at.
(don't worry I'm ok, just a little brain and self-loathing dump, can't wait for the 15,000 calorie day at The Fair tomorrow)