Friday, January 30, 2009

Worth More Then Friendship


The way this little community of poker friends backs each other up time after time approaches using family as an adjective.

To those who contributed towards my hearing aids, I humbly thank you for your support in my quest to gain a life I never thought possible. One without guessing words, meaning, and with clarity. If you would like to help, you know my log in IDs.

In awe.

The actual purchase time has been bumped up because of this, my only hope is that the audiologist was just that and not a salesperson trying to cash in on someone's years pain and embarrassment. I heard sincerity in her voice, but the actions will speak loudly once it is time for the fitting.

Thank you all.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

It's About Time

The direction of this post will look like my five year old wrote outline. Or if you read here enough times and as people might say who draft heart to heart poker advice on how to play queens in middle position at the Two Plus Two forums: Standard

The week started with a scampering for unemployment information via Google. The sweating out whether or not I would make the cubicle cut, and ultimately watching good co-workers box up while the rest of us discussed how lucky we got to be logging in the next day. A feeling I’ve never had to worry about work because how seemingly solid the corporation is went away, cutting the stitching to open up to show how foolish I had been to think that. There may be jokes about “cubical hell”, but considering the economy and having two young’uns at home to feed, I’ll put up with the Dilbert-isms for a steady increase to my checking account.

Yesterday, I suffered a sticker shock unseen since me and the future wife were sitting on a twin bed in a townhouse with bridal magazines covering more of the resting place then the second hand comforter did. The dress, the booze, the hall, the church, the booze, and of course the booze needed to accounted for. A softball team and friends were coming, don’t skimp on the drinks, and liquid courage was needed because we had to awkwardly slow dance to Lonestar belting out “Amazed” (yes honey if you’re reading, I do remember some tidbits about that night). The wedding was a success except for her champagne flute breaking, and taking some, but not full advantage of the mirror on the ceiling in the hotel room.

I’ll wait while you grab the eye and ear bleach.

My spouse joined me yesterday to make another major decision to incur a sizable debt for the sake of our union. No, I passed on the penile enlargement as the “Bobby Bracelet” package would have required some surgery for her feminine parts to “gaping mortar round wound” size. Instead we went to the Paparella Ear Head and Neck institute to discuss hearing aids with Dr. Paparella himself. He was cordial in a late-stage Ronny Reagan/Muhammad Ali way there but not all there. He carried a presence as a figure head and back up the talk with a huge amount of doctor-type accolades on his trophy shelf. A smile, some kind words, a joke about having to hear more of what my wife is saying, quickly sticking an otoscope in my ear and determining “hey there might be something wrong here” and in five minutes he was gone. We were then whisked away by the semi-attractive nose pierced assistant that seemed sad she couldn’t go full goth while usually hauling around half-deaf AARP members from room to room.

Sat down in office surrounded by speakers, inner ear charts, and several gadgets last found in Q’s laboratory.

The audiologist then checked with my insurance company after I had stated cost may be a deal breaker.

“No dice”. No coverage. Not even the limp-tastic 5% they offer for Lasik.

Then came the pricing sheets for the hearing aids that would help me. Since I’m considered “active” in a you-can-still-produce-an-erection-at-the-sight-of-a-semi-nude-Scarlett-Johansson-picture way, she said that the models I originally was ready to purchase would do no better then someone cupping their hands like a bullhorn or a SNL skit from the 70s where the guy just speaks a tad louder (anyone find it on YouTube?), and the ones I needed would cost a smidgen more.

When I did some interwebs research on the subject I was expecting $1,500-$2,000 for a pair.


After covering the Sunday Warm-up and Million and at PokerStars for the past half of a year, I would only have to weave through 4,300+ and 8,000+ true rounders and final table for the cash.
Easy, considering all the Sklansky bucks I’ve saved up for the past eighteen month!

Not an easy decision to plunge into debt during a time that stock certificates are becoming the new Mr. Whipple approved Charmin 2-ply 36 packs on sale at Target. But, no one said life, nor marriage was meant for sitting idly on ones’ hands without at least giving it the shot it deserves. I want to hear “Attack of the Show”, most of the time I want to hear my wife and kids, and the decision to take the doctor’s office’s “offer” of a zero-interest credit card with 12 months to pay is not a easy one.

But it is the right choice.

There have been many barriers in my life and poor hearing is one of them that can be knocked down. If money is the only thing standing in my way, then the decision has already been made.

Dream Poker at Caesars Palace

Second Team Poker Match Held at Caesars Palace Las Vegas (registration is found via this link)

LAS VEGAS – JAN. 29, 2009 – Dream Team Poker today announced their second tournament at the prestigious poker room in Caesars Palace Las Vegas on March 27-29, 2009. 100 teams totaling 300 players are expected to face off for the $150,000 prize pool and to be crowned the next Dream Team Poker winner.

The buy-in for the tournament is $500 + $50 per player making it affordable to just about all players. This is the first Dream Team Poker Event open to the public, giving every day players a chance to team up and battle to see who has the best team in poker. Each team will receive custom team jerseys, special hotel room rates and admission to the welcome party and winner’s ceremony.

Dream Team Poker’s patent-pending tournament structure brings a new dimension to the game of poker. With its unique team scoring system and prizes for both teams and individuals, players have a multitude of financial incentives to stay engaged in the tournament even after they are eliminated.

“The tournament’s innovative team concept will bring a new dimension to tournament play,” said Jim Pedulla, Director of Poker for Caesars Palace. “This new format will create more camaraderie among the players making this an exciting event. Caesars Palace is proud to host this event in our World Series of Poker Tournament Room, which is also the site of the NBC ‘Heads Up’ championship and has been the location for a number of top celebrity and charitable tournaments.”

In November, Dream Team Poker kicked-off their inaugural invitational event and attracted a diverse group of poker champions, celebrities, journalists and local casino players. The winners took home the $39,000 first place prize and Dream Team Poker championship rings, each valued at more than $5,000. The event turned out to be a huge success for both the players and the host.

“The first event was such an incredible accomplishment for Dream Team Gaming and proved that the concept of team poker could be exciting, fun and profitable for all involved,” said Daniel Delshad, CEO of Dream Team Gaming. “We are seeing a definite call for this game from the casinos and the players. We are honored to have Caesars Palace Las Vegas host our next tournament.”

To register for the Dream Team Poker Caesars Palace Las Vegas event and for more information on Dream Team Poker, please visit


About Dream Team Poker
Dream Team Poker is a new “team-based” structure and scoring system for tournament poker. Dream Team Poker’s patent-pending scoring system allows players to compete on an individual basis while getting scored as a team, giving each player better odds and chances to win money as they compete for individual and team prizes. Casinos benefit from Dream Team Poker’s structure as players have incentives to stay at the tournament after busting out, resulting in more rooms, more food, and more side play revenue.

Founded in 2007, Dream Team Poker is growing rapidly and licensing its tournament structure to many of the nation’s largest and popular casinos. It is the first gaming product developed by Dream Team Gaming, a privately held company headquartered in Beverly Hills, CA. For more information, please visit

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Employee Discount Card Secure

For those who know me personally may have read this yesterday:

Discount retailer Target Corp. said Tuesday that it will cut 9 percent of its headquarters staff, close a distribution center and reduce planned new-store openings as it battles the weak economy.

The staff cut includes 600 employees and 400 open positions, mostly in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota where it is based. The company plans to close its Little Rock, Ark. distribution center, which employs another 500 people, later this year.

"We are clearly operating in an unprecedented economic environment that requires us to make some extremely difficult decisions to ensure Target remains competitive over the long term," Gregg Steinhafel, president and chief executive, said in a press release.

I am still gainfully employed, I won't comment further since I do not talk about work here, but I will say yesterday felt like kick in the taint with a cold spiked shoe.

Nothing good comes out of watching friends walk out of your life.


Update: On a good note, I will be seeing the ear specialist today to discuss hearing aids and not scooping out my middle ear to replace it with used Wall*E parts. Surgery has been done before, it didn't help, I missed baseball season and lost my high school girlfriend (for the first time of three). While I wouldn't expect my wife to walk out on me while wrapped in bandages for several months, I see no upside to spending five figures and three to six month recovery time to hear the latest American Idol hit some glass shattering high note.

I just want clarity, I want to hear everyone speak and not guess based on facial and body expressions as to what they're saying. If a hearing aid can't give me that, then solidering on with what has been given to me won't sink me into the same self-loathing I had when Cyndi slipped a note into my hallway locker 16 years ago (holy shit I'm old!).

When you have a disability, you find out real quick who your real friends are because they speak to you without pity in their eyes nor pull back punches when joking.

I know of many who read here are those people because you're all horrible bluffers.


Monday, January 26, 2009

25 Things While Approaching 35

Mulitabling used to seem easy. Throw on six tables of PLO8 and go to work. Watching and playing 24 cards at any one given time was easy. Last night as on every other Sunday of every month, I cover the Sunday Warm-up at the PokerStarsBlog. But on the end of the month there’s also the two monthly promotional tourneys I cover: Battle of the Planets $50,000 Freeroll for SnG players and $1 Million Turbo Takedown.

At the crossroads between finishing up the wrap up for the Battle of the Planets and the final two/three tables of the Sunday Warm-up I’ll have fifteen different windows going while covering the action and reporting on it.

I love it.

While doing two wrap ups at the same time can cramp the fingers and brain while keeping the action separated on my little 15” laptop, it’s a challenge I enjoy plus I learn a little bit about late stage MTT play every night that I cover these tourneys. Hopefully the readers here enjoy the labor, if you don’t or have some suggestions please fire away.

Heads up play last night:

First hand in the Sunday Warm-up (A8o vs. TT get it all in pre-flop with A8o having almost 20BBs and shoving over the top of a standard 3XBB raise from the chip leader)

Second hand in the $1 Million Turbo Takedown (Top pair-meh kicker vs. flopped straight get it all in on the flop with over 20BBs apiece after both limp in)

I thought both plays were a little rash considering the stacks and prizes (both tourneys had a $40K difference between 1st and 2nd), any MTT savants out there make the same plays?


Twenty-Five things about me? Hmmmm…

Ok. I’ll try.

1. Despite getting paid to write at times, I came within a re-test of the ACT English portion of having to take a remedial Freshman Comp course at ASU.

2. I switched high school English classes purposely from an award winning teacher, to someone who let us watch Star Trek and Blade Runner for take home exams. Looking back I would have stuck it out and learned something.

3. In middle school I maintained straight As while taking AP Science and Math classes until ninth grade when an Art teacher gave me a C+. I may have cried, and still cringe when my kids ask me to draw/paint with them. And in high school, I no longer cared about getting those As because of it.

4. I worked a total of four days in fast food (Jack in the Box). Tip: Placing a coffee pot under the machine limits your chances of getting burned and might even make a caffeine filled drink!

5. Fear my arm wrestling skills. Unless your name is B.J., then you’d kick my ass.

6. I am embarrassing good at many bar games and have paid several tabs over the years on prop bets. Penthouse Photo Hunt is a winner!!!

7. I do NOT dance. (that was a different person at the Bash, he had very sore legs in the morning and I offer eye-bleach to those who watched)

8. I will also refuse to sing despite being in a choir for several years except to rock out to Metallica.

9. My favorite drink is a Captain and Coke, not rum and coke. Yes, I will know the difference you moron bartender.

10. I’m amazed daily that people read this stuff, and thank people too much when I get a poker writing gig because I just don’t get why I got hired.

11. I got my wife pregnant on the first shot, three separate times. No extra “practice” or “attempts” for me. Booooooooooooo.

12. I do not wish to eat an olive nor drink a bloody mary. I’ve tried several and gagged every time, what is wrong with you people?!?!

13. Wyatt’s middle name is a combination of mine and my wife’s grandfathers. If you can’t figure out my daughter’s I feel sorry for you.

14. I have driven a 400 yard par four with a regulation golf ball and scored a 120 in the same round. My short game sucks.

15. I don’t remember much from 2001-2007 due to the head injury but also I’d like to block out many of those memories.

16. If Red Dawn, Star Wars IV, V, and VI, Bloodsport, Youngblood, or Rounders comes on the TV I physically can’t turn it off regardless of the hour.

17. Its taken me five years to understand why I’m a parent, and learn more every day.

18. I prefer Triscuit with cheese versus nachos.

19. In the last three or four years I’ve become a beer snob thanks to my friend E. Gimme a Surly dammit.

20. I can still remember tossing away A7o in middle position in 2000 at the Stardust thanks to reading Lee Jones’ Winning Low-Limit Hold Em’ book on the flight and watching the flop come out 7 – 7 – 4, three people stayed in to see a turn of 7, all three again saw the river 4. Guy in the one seat turned over quad 4s, I look up to see quads beaten would have won half of the $25,000 bad beat jackpot and 25% would have come to me. Thanks Lee!

21. That ligament that attaches your tongue to the bottom your mouth? I had that clipped in order to give women better oral sex. Or help my speech problems. You can decide on the better reason.

22. I have not eaten a brussel sprout but may do it for $1,000

23. I have only one regret in my life.

24. I am not allowed to use power tools for safety of others as well as myself.

25. Despite hating the cold of Minnesota, I couldn’t picture living any where else (unless I retire that is)

Friday, January 23, 2009

Fabian Fabulous in Chile

Latin America takes home a LAPT title. News from PokerStars below.

I'm off to Treasure Island this weekend, listen for poker players from Red Wing, MN begging for mercy from my deadly check-calls.


Viña Del Mar, Chile - January 23, 2009: 39-year-old Fabian Ortiz, from Argentina, has become the first ever Latin American poker player to win a LAPT title with his victory at the inaugural Chile event inViña del Mar.

Ortiz, who lives in the rural province of Chaco, (pronounciation: Chako) defeated a strong field of players from 27 countries to take home the title and first prize of $141,426.

A former disco owner he now does most of his dancing on the poker circuit where he has shown he is fearless on the felt with some success. Latin American players dominated the starting field with almost everynation represented. Fifty players were from the host country of Chile alone and every seat at the final table was taken by a player from Latin America -including Fabio Escobar, who won his seat to the event on PokerStars.

"Fabian Ortiz's win demonstrates the growth of poker as a Latin American sport", said LAPT President Glenn Cademartori. "This is our first eventwhere the majority of the field was made up of Latin American players. We expect many more local champions as this sport continues to grow in popularity in the region.

"The LAPT Viña del Mar event, at the prestigious Viña del Mar Casino and Resort, attracted a host of international poker stars including TeamPokerStars Pros Humberto Brenes from Costa Rica, Andre Akkari from Brazil, and the former Brazilian stock car racer and PokerStars sponsored player Gualter Salles.

Also representing Costa Rica were Max and Maria Stern, the only married couple who have both won WSOP bracelets. Ortiz bested Argentinian Veronica Dabul, who cashed three times at the WSOP in 2008.

The next event on the LAPT tour will be in Punta del Este, Uruguay in March, followed by the season finale in Mar del Plata, Argentina in April.

All the LAPT events will be broadcast by ESPN in Latin America later in the year.

Visit for more information; for LAPT Viña del Mar reports, visit the PokerStars blog at and

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Borgata Winter Poker Open HOLLA!

Al posted chippies who thankfully were not blowing chunks at the camera thus blocking the bOObies with last night's Chinese Food mixed with Jose Cuervo and salt.

In return he gets a pimp (actually its because I consider him friend despite his Eagles beating down my Vikes again in the playoffs...). Bad McNabb BAD!

Borgata bound Al and crew will be bringing the Borgata live to your mother's basement via the interwebs:

Also WCP, another known source for extracting long-stemmed beauties from across the sea and showing them in various stages of undress to do their poker reporting will be offering a freeroll tonight to cover the $3,000 buy-in to the Borgata Winter Poker Open Main Event.
Room does not include the smoking hot waitresses parading around the casino into joining you for a private photo session however. For helpful hints on landing a photographer gig with the woman bringing your drunk ass a JagBomb, find The Rooster.
Details below:
Tournament#: 76981094
Tournament: WCP Appreciation Freeroll
When: January 22nd, 21:00ET
Game: Deepstack NLHE

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

First Step Taken

Edit: Thanks to everyone who commented yesterday, I'm not one to ask for help, but its great to know my friends out there are willing to give it.

The doctor visit.

During my time with the head injury I had several men and women in white coats poke and prod me like the meat contained in BG's wonderful Braised Short Ribs in Porter with Maple Horseradish Glaze, except instead of a stomach that begged for more, I found distrust. Being talked down continuously like a two year old who refuses to put away her princess dresses, countless back turnings and being told "that's not how you feel".

Yeah, those were fun times. If it wasn't for a my personal physician giving me straight talk, I'd splint a broken bone with some Ace bandage and some birch branches straight out of a Boy Scout handbook just to avoid the ER.

After leaving the doctor's office yesterday with a follow-up consult due to the severity of my hearing loss an audiologist was not qualified legally able to suggest the strength/make/model of the hearing aid. I'm fine with that, as she was polite, thorough with the hearing test, and this is the hardest thing to do with a hearing impaired patient... there was no coodling nor getting frustrated while administering the test or results. Well played ma'am.

(side note: a drug salewomen walked in behind me, looking like a pre-coked out and fed Kate Moss, yum)

Anyway. To the doctor part. The audiologist explained there was some gunk in my ear canals that might mess up the results of the test so I was sent to the doctor's office to get it removed.

Not happy with this. My intentions were to a) get a hearing test b) get a quote on a hearing aid c) avoid a doctor's poking and proding at all cost


Since I couldn't get to point "b" without enduring the doctor's visit I went through with it. Luckily the doctor didn't act like a total douchebag, he was cordial as I explained it been nearly 15 years since an ear specialist (called an otolayrngologist) has looked in there and since my last surgery. He explained there was still bloody residue from the surgery in there. Enjoying that lunch?? Good, because I was hardly able to eat after seeing the chopped up Earthworm-like stuff he pulled out.

If you've ever had your ears cleaned with a pick-like instrument which comes from the tray above then you may know how painful and how still you must remain unless getting jabbed Freddy Krueger-style down your ear is how you'd like to spend your afternoons.

He cleans, doesn't magically revive my hearing but feels like my ears got sauna bath and loofa treatment as I headed back to the hearing test where it was already explained I'd have to come back to see a doctor and shake my head no at all suggestions of surgery (think very expensive, six months recovery, and having to wear a receiver on my head for the rest of my life for just a small improvement). Yeah, I'll take door number two thank you very much.

As I told the audiologist my goal is to hear words with more clarity. I could care less if I hear my Rice Krispies pop, or some birds chirpping outside. Just being able to respond to people with the funny banter you find here or on the girly chat would put a gold star on the day for me.

Now, to the doctor rant... As I was leaving the restaurant (Chinese buffet, destroyed the cream cheese puffs, peanut butter chicken, and a mongolian plate) about 30 minutes later I felt an itch on my cheek which turned out to be blood dripping down the side of my face. My first thoughts were "oh, probably from the ear pressure nothing to worry about" or "DAMN, W-T-F did they put into the sesame chicken today?!!?!?". After waking up this morning with blood on the pillow it finally stopped without the aid of a panty liner with wings.

I did call in to the doctor's office and was told only to stuff some cotton as it will stop after a few hours (it didn't stop till this morning as I was up almost all night due to this water-swishing feeling in my ear that disrupted my normal dream about a high school friend who recently found me on Facebook and we were going to shoot a round of golf with Judy Garland at DisneyWorld). Writing this down Freud?

When I inquired about what could have caused this as my ear has not bleed since the surgery nearly 15 years ago, I got no answer. *sigh*

Since I'm fairly sure there will be blood scrapping for my next office visit on Wednesday, I would have rather not endured another round with that pick tray shown above as my dreams may go from Wizard of Oz to Hostel for the next week.

Will someone hold my hand and hand me a lemon flavored lollipop and take me to Dairy Queen for a chocolate dipped cone with sprinkles when the big, bad doctor is done? Thanks.


On a pokery note:

I read this article at Yahoo this morning. It seems our new president may get a glance at the midnight rule enforcing the UIGEA afterall. This is a good test to see if promises of being more stringent towards bad policies/laws that people do not want and didn't ask for will be fulfilled. At least talking about these midnight rules so quickly is a huge step in the right direction.

Again, will action follow-up the talk? That's the barrier that needs to come down before Americans will dive into "change". Look under "technology" here and our little special interest is #3 on the list (as of yesterday)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Wanting to Hear What Someone Has To Say

People may have heard Americans are getting a new president today. $150,000,000.00 is being spent by various functions and committees to ring in our Commander-in-Chief, and if packages like these $50,000 Politically Correct one at the Ritz-Carlton or The Fairmont Eco-Inaugural Package at a svelte $40,000 one can could see the money exchanging hands for the record number of security detail needed today.

The ring is moving from the right to the left as Obama’s engagement period is over, and he starts the hard road of marriage today with a speech that is supposed to captivate an economy torn nation into believing in itself again. But, could the spoken words really be THAT good? Aren’t the promises to the American public so large and so grand, its similar to that one ex-girlfriend/boyfriend that you never got to have sex with but had a road map in your head to the three day carnal monkey banging that left you both so sexually satisfied a video of it would become the number one teaching aid to good sex?

Will Obama give that worked-up release today after a year of preaching it as he addresses the nation as its president? He does bring hope, whether the hope becomes action, and action becomes results will be seen over the next four years.


I wish I was able to view this historic event but as a personal matter today, I’ll be addressing issues at the local level. For many years I’ve kidded myself due to vanity mostly. But the countless missed words, conversations, and asking for closed captioning to be added to the TV set have caught up to me. My hearing problems is one that have caused humor undo to myself as words coming out of my mouth don’t always match up with the conversation and sometimes with embarrassing results.

Ok, its pretty funny when someone could be talking about their car and I chime in with a reference about the time I passed out on the hood of my white Madza 626 DX at the 1995 Edgefest concert that had nothing to do with their new heated seats and shift-on-the-fly four wheel drive.

But, it’s uncomfortable.

Also, I miss my daughter’s explanation of her elaborate princess get up with five rings on each finger to the big man kneeled down in front of her who just nods approvingly or my son’s latest sight words he has conquered in reading class.

It has probably held me back professionally in many areas whether it is at my current company or possible future gigs in poker reporting. The number of times I wanted to put my head thru some tempered glass after not hearing something is too vast to count and to explain what it feels like think of going thru life with cotton stuck in your ears, you can see the mouths moving, you can catch most of what’s being said but have to guess the other words like some prime time Fill In The Blanks game show.

Today I’ll be visiting Pararella Ear, Head, and Neck Institute to see if obtaining a hearing aid will get the cotton out of my ears. Granted I’ll have to save up the $1,000-$3,000 for the pair should the audiologist believe such a device is worth the cost. Easier said then done, but there's some extra work in the mix that should it pan out, the cost won't strain the house finances.

One of us today will be bringing a nation closer to together with words, the other is hoping to bring his family and friends closer to hear their words. I’m just lucky that I don’t require a custom made Caddy to get to my podium today but sure to feel the same exuberance afterwards.

Monday, January 19, 2009

That's Not Cold, THIS Is Cold!

A couple of quick hits for now as I'm still fighting off a head cold that won't go away.

- Ely. Beautiful. Cold. Temperature negative too much to write out. Everything I want to do, did.

- No Limit Omaha Tourney at Fortune Bay. 18 Players. Won it. Book it. Who wants my book? Drizz Playz Omahaz.

- Snowshoeing. First time. Loved it. Purchasing a pair this week most likely.

- Drank too much. Pissed off the wife. Too little time. Can't wait to go again.

I'll expound on frozen things later this week, but I'm sure the Obama-mania that is cresting over the horizion for Tuesday's UberBash at our nation's captial is a tad more important then ice fishing stories. Americans are try to find the rope to get us out of this recessionary period of our nation's economy, will the new administration throw the lifejacket out to the people or sit on it so their asses don't get wet? Will the campaign promises come to fruitation?

Stranger things have happen like the Buzzsaw Who Is The Arizona Cardinals in the Super Bowl?!?!?! The Steelers, while not favorites, are no surprise to be playing a couple of weeks due to their shut-down defense and Choco-taco loving quarterback, but anyone out there taking a flyer on the Cards?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Flannel Hugs

Since I woke up at 2am this morning with the wife snoring and a head cold my brain is pretty much pretzel dough for the remainder of the day but I did want to pass along a story about Schecky retiring from PokerNews as said by Pauly.

As a poker fanboi, PokerNews has been great for following up-to-date tournament action from around the globe and not just getting the AKo vs. 99 all-in coin flips at the final table via TV coverage, but how those nine (or six or eight) players got there. Well-written, funny, and accurate information flowing thanks to the editor-in-chief. Good luck sir on your future endeavors.


Tomorrow I'll be visiting a place I once called "Utopia wrapped in flannel". Ely, MN may be one of the coldest places in the continental US (next to the neighboring towns of Tower and Embarrass and currently showing -36 as the temp), but many warm memories of late-night card games, countless bottle bass out on the lakes, and drunken arguments about the economy/sports/life that last as long as the chips are being slung across the table (or until the booze runs out for that evening).
Oh, there might be a side trip to the Fortune Bay casino (Bikini Ice Fishing team showing up in February? Oh my.) as well. They have a poker room which I have not had the chance to hit up yet, but I've heard the main game there is spread limit hold em'. Bleh. The page does mention an Omaha tourney at 6:30pm on Fridays. Should I hit up the cash games though, I haven't played spread limit since I dusted off my very first live poker buy-in at the Excal back in aught one (should have stayed at the $1-$5 Stud table).
And with just an "adult" weekend, there will be no need to run downstairs to see which kid is running around in the dark crying for mommy and daddy.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Does It Mean We're Going Steady?

This morning would be a trying one for any not use to this weather. I have a personal thermometer for what is cold and what is just normal, annoying Minnesotan winter weather.

You step outside, not the garage, but actually outside with the wind and lack of inflatable toys and balls that are screaming for you to bring them inside. While outside take a big breath, not unlike the one you take for the doctor before he checks your tar-stained lungs.

Done with the breath? Feel good to be one with nature? Did you lick the metal flag pole?

Might want to skip that last part.

Now, did your nose hairs stick to the side of your nose? I don’t care about the $75 nose hair extractor you metrosexuals purchased at Brookstone, there’s still some locks inside your snot.

This morning.


-16 temps this morning (that not Celsius for our fair weather friends to the north, -26 C). People who think its funny to change their Facebook status to “Brad is sitting outside with flip-flops on in 70 degree weather”, need a frozen 2X4 to the back of the head courtesy of us idiots who live in these climates. Sigh. You get what you sign up for.


Got my teeth cleaned last night by a certified Dental Assistant and was told my canines are not hitting the right places. I replied, I’ll tell the wife to shift a little more to the left next time we’re having sex.

She almost hit her head on that overhead light-thingy while Rachel Ray prepping some chicken behind her for another wonderful 30 minute meal and was right on cue with a slight devilish laugh.

There’s a problem I had with the next part of the dentist office visit. Doctor of Dentistry enters the room and promptly puts on his little mask after asking about my impending trek to Ely this weekend (thinking more about the casino, booze, and ice fishing rather then the certain -20+ temps). Perhaps this is common procedure but I got treated to a wang rub on my arm as he reached across to get a closer look at those mis-aligned canines. I’m not adverse to human touch and have a firm hold on my heterosexuality but feeling the tube of Crest on my arm made the chicken alfredo with spinach being made on the LG HDTV up above a second thought.



It’s new.

Go read.

Truckin' - January 2008, Vol. 8, Issue 1

Welcome back to the first issue of the new year.

1. The Mollification the Foul Temptresses by Paul McGuire The hookers at the Rio were a combination of famished vultures and parched vampires ready to pick apart any carcass. Any john. Any drunk. Anybody in their path. They were evil personified.... More

2. The Orchard by Joe Speaker I reach for her hand, probing, touching it delicately. We don't form a fist when we come together, nothing like the taut intertwine of fingers you see lovers form, those Gordian knots, unwieldy like a stone fortress. Our fingers hang off each other's loosely, three of mine, two of hers, vice-versa, and they dangle. Spider webs in the wind. Tenuous connection... More

3. Hector by David PetersonI remember clearly when the cops came and took Hector's mom away. He seemed rather nonplussed by the whole thing as we stood on the curb watching a bedraggled and wild-eyed woman being escorted from her home in cut-off jeans, a loose-fitting white tank top and handcuffs... More

4. Flight #22 to Denial by Sean A. Donahue Her eyes were black as the night. Her black hair cascaded near her high cheekbones and tanned complexion. Her body wasn't made for sin but for pleasure, and the glasses she wore on her head framed her face perfectly. The only thing that didn't make sense was that it was raining over her head... More

5. Running it Twice by Andrew Moxon There are, however, certain points of opportunity. Soft places in time, when the cockpit door comes open and we second-timers can take over. That's when things can change. Sometimes, every so often, we walk through that door and start flipping the switches... More

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Just For You Mister

Mr. K8 offsuit against three all-ins, here's a power punch to the nuts
Sunday Warm-up tonight, see you there still hoping to write about someone I know :)

Saturday, January 10, 2009

2009 PCA Final Table Today

Almost forgot the PCA on on PokerStars.TV EPT-live today.

Also with Stephen, Howard, Dr. Pauly, and Otis giving the skinny in the PokerStarsBlog.

That'll brighten the day a little bit as the temps outside attempt to crack above zero.

Here's the media outline for the event and a couple of pictures of my favorite players from the 2009 PCA via Neil Stoddard.
5-3 offsuit? That's raise sir

Not Centre Court, but 120 mph check-raises accomplish the same thing. A winner.


ATLANTIS, PARADISE ISLAND, BAHAMAS - Jan. 8, 2009 - PokerStars(, the world's largest online poker site, kicked off the 2009 poker season with a record-breaking field for the sixth PokerStars Caribbean Adventure (PCA) at the Atlantis Hotel and Casino in the Bahamas.

A total of 1,347 players entered this year's PCA main event, including 735 who won their seats online with PokerStars, making it the largest live poker tournament ever held outside of Las Vegas.

Event statistics from the PCA Main Event include:

*1,347 total number of players*

1,061 PokerStars players, including 735 qualifiers*

$ 12,674,000 total prize pool*

$3 million first prize

51 countries represented

The top 199 spots will get paid

The 2009 PCA Tournament $10,000 Main Event runs January 5-10, with the last two days of the event airing live on

The PokerStarsCaribbean Adventure has turned into a true festival of poker and includes a wealth of events including $1K, $2K and $5K and $2k Battleship tournament,the World Cup of Poker, satellites to other live PokerStars tournaments suchas the EPT Grand Final - and a two-day $25K High Roller Event.

For more information about the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure, please visit

Favorite Color is Blue, Not Pink

All geared up for poker today.

iPod charged.

Hoodie packed.

70's oversized sunglasses.

Full Tilt jersey.

Douchebag attitude.

The Drizz invasion of the Mayo Clinic was two steps out the door, then a faint call from the door stairs bedroom came in...

"Daddy, my eye hurts"

10 pounds of pus and a new prescription from Target later and I'm stuck behind the keyboard as a personal nurse today since the wife will be running around all-day.


What started has a promising weekend has been diluted to football on TV and gentle arm-length hugs for the kid. OMG DON'T TOUCH THAT!

Sigh. Here's to hope my little wolverine doesn't get it, as she'll get into anything and everything meaning the likely hood of an embarassing phone call to work Monday morning go up exponentially.

My apologies to Oh Captain for flaking out on the road trip, but I assume the tournament going Pink Eye free today is much more important then taking my money. :)

Thursday, January 08, 2009

BBT Funds Needed

I don't lead often in tourneys, but this is one hell of a start FOR REALLY B-I-G CASH!!!!!11111oneoneoneone

Ok, I'm only two drinks in. Wish me luck, don't worry there's a near full handle of Cap'n for long haul and hope everyone has their sarcasm radars up.

Update: Hour 2 ends... lose 57K pot for chip lead when I push on a 963 flop with QQ, he calls with AK... fill in the blanks. Still in but back to par instead of chip bully.

Update finale: Steal my way into bottom cash. Booooooooooooo. Now playing cheapie PLO MTT. Hate self, feel better with Valet Girls and Ski School movies at my disposal.

Update finale with stuff!: Drunken question... if you could be one penis for one day who's would you be, and why? Cashed in cheapie PLO, average chippies.

Chuck Norris quote I made up while bubbled to BuddyDonk in triple draw "Chuck Norris does not run out of bullets, he runs out of bodies"

Here's Keeley Hazell, not this is not Wicked Chops. Still in PLO but chip leader is killing me.

Update for realz: Bubble final table on river suckout. Of course.

Hitting the Wrong Hole

Many points of awesomeness in this article from Fark:

TORONTO -- A Toronto man must continue to pay child support despite a DNA test proving he is not the biological father of his ex-wife's children, a judge ruled.

Pasqualino Cornelio, who believed he fathered the 16-year-old twins after being given "incomplete and misleading information" by his ex-wife, will also not be reimbursed for previous child support payments.

"While the failure of (Anciolina) Cornelio to disclose to her husband the fact that she had an extramarital affair and that the twins might not be his biological children may well have been a moral wrong against Mr. Cornelio, it is a wrong that does not afford him a legal remedy to recover child support he has already paid, and that does not permit him to stop paying child support,"Ontario Superior Court Justice Katherine van Rensburg wrote in her decision.

Anciolina Cornelio said during the trial that she did not know the identity of the twins' father, blaming her lapse in memory on medication she was taking at the time.

Van Rensburg said her judgment was made in the best interests of the children and based on earlier precedent.

"Mr. Cornelio was the only father the twins knew during the course of the marriage. The relationship that developed from the time of their birth was the natural relationship between a parent and his children. The fact of that relationship . . . is sufficient to require Mr. Cornelio to continue to contribute toward the children's material needs,"van Rensburg wrote.

The Cornelios have been divorced for 10 years. The custody and child support arrangement was agreed upon in 2002.

Wow, gets cheated on, lives with lie for 16 years and still responsible for kids that are not his. Sure, personally I would care for them but not due to a court order. If he didn't want to pay, I'd simply forget to pay, what are they going to do tell order him to pay for kids that are not his?

And medication bit? Nice bluff ma'am pray you don't get called.


I was geared up to start playing a few blogger tourneys in honor of Reverend Al's announcement of the BBT4. Last night's Mookie was a perfect beginning as the kids and wife were tucked away... and you can see where this is going as I ended up curled into a frozen fetal position before the tournament even started. Closing each table last night with a thud thanks to varied crap hitting for my outstanding mouth breathing opponents that deserved to be slapped with a large trout in the balls while taunted by their ugly high school girlfriends that crossed their legs for them but turned into hot porn stars shortly after getting that diploma.

Since I've been blowing sunshine up everyone's ass lately, a mini-rant was needed. Better now StB (more Rock of Love pictures please)? But, there's just no raw nerve getting hit. Yet. Still smiling in the face of this bone-chilling weather. Maybe an untimely suckout during the Oh Captain tournament will cause a COPS-like flipout this weekend. Be prepared however to read a write up with more bunnies, flowers, and feel-good anecdotes of a degenerate treking across this glacier called Minnesota for some poker goodness with fun people.

See you tonight with drink in hand and girly chat up.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Think Tony Would Mind?

Yankees fans around the globe cheered yesterday as the recession officially came to a close. No, I’m not talking about the bloated contract of Mark Teixeira (who apparently gets dragged around by his wang, make note to the Yankees skipper to have Leigh withhold sex should Mark decided to go on a 0 for 16 skid during the Red Sox series). Or the C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, A-Rod, Jeter metric ton on American dollars sliding into their pockets giving non-pinstripe fans even more reasons to boo the Steinbrenner junta.

The real reason they are dancing in the Bronx this morning because this country’s financial woes are nothing but a broken pocket pair of aces, is because Carl Pavano is gainfully employed once again as a baseball player and not a clubhouse attendant with a job to just make sure the sunflower seeds bucket is full. This alone defies logical, stringent spending and smacks of “hey, why not, we’re rich!” type mentality of an AIG corporate officer getting his third lobster tail while being orally serviced under the table by a flown in Swedish porn star paid for by the U.S. government. $1.5 million to a guy that has proven nothing more then the ability to get his dick up for Alyssa Milano? Hell I could do that, and would for 10% of that pay then claim some season-long inner rib injury from breathing too hard after nailing Sam with re-runs of Charmed playing the background (Rose McGowan the hottest witch? Discuss).

Poker! Yes, I still play (as shown by cashing in four straight SnGs then forgetting how to read all four cards in the next four and losing in Waffles-like ways). To prove such a thing, I will be traveling to the Mayo Clinic this weekend to play with the Dalai Lama and other celebs in their cushy Presidental Lounge, stocked with the best cranberry juice ever served in those little plastic cups. Or, even better I’ll be dropping in on Oh Captain and his beautiful wife for some home game tournament action. After a greenlight from the wife I couldn’t say no to the gracious invite, not to mention a chance to play live poker without worrying about cleaning off a third pair of shit-streaked Barbie underwear in two hours.

A question for the readers out there (and RSS feed readers now outnumber vistors almost 4:1, odd), should I go the full degenerate route and hit up Treasure Island on the way back? Staying up all night then getting home in time for the Sunday Warm-Up wrap up at PokerStarsBlog? I hear those Top Gun slots calling my name… HIIIIIIIIIIIGHWAY TO THE DANNNNNNNNNGER ZOOOOOOOOOOONE!

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Rockin the Granny Panties

New era for Twins baseball on the way? RIP Carl Pohlad. But, since his son Jim has been basically running the ownership show for years don’t expect the Twins to whoo Manny being Manny or a slew of other high priced/high risk big hitters into the Twins lineup for years to come. Look for better insight from Twins/Baseball-guru Aaron Gleeman to expound on the Twins future without the miserly Pohlad behind the plate.

Four year has not yet been charged” (click link to story). Those are seven words that should never been written in any newspaper/news story other then The Onion. Seriously? Granted the reporter was just passing on the information from the sheriff’s office but doesn’t common sense seep into a story in some way? Just the fact ma’am? Four years old meaning, almost done with the ability to wipe one’s ass alone, graduating from Sprout to Nick Jr., and making up fictional stories involving “a coyote, a squid, and his adventures with Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.” I think the fact that the kid one, knew there was a gun readily accessible, two, was able to reach it, and three, was able to fire it, shows the parents were better off to blow off beer, bingo, and blowjobs night down at the lodge and find a Chuck Norris video on gun safety (my suggestion is “Invasion U.S.A.”).

Speaking of 80’s movies, for some reason I’ve found myself watching “Hot Dog: The Movie” (a poor man’s “Ski School” but Shannon Tweed’s granny panties were rockin!), “Bikini Shop”, and last night’s feature “Gas Pump Girls”. No idea for sudden interest OMG-BOOBIES! mixed with vapid-plot-line-return-to-USA-Up!-All-Night-lonely-high-school-evenings, but when needing a void after a day of work and being daddy it adds some humor into the night.

Yes, I know I should be studying for my MBA, learning five languages, and solving for "y", but I’m not that person. There are limits to my life and I recognize them. My hearing and speech problems have defined a line to which jobs I can pursue and how far my professional suit will carry me. After countless rejections, I’ve resigned to the fact that there’s a glass ceiling that will not break no matter how large my penis is, or whether I obtain a four-year college degree or not. My head injury set my life back five to six very dark years in which I woke up in the last year or two with two kids and a renewed love for my wife. But, before the injury I was all set to re-enter the college campus with a Business degree and CPA certification in mind and very little financial/mental penalty. Now, I have a mortgage, two cars, two kids, and five monthly porn subscriptions to think of.

Not sure where the next year or five will take me, but the journey now is more important to me then the goal of a piece of paper or a couple of extra digits in my bank account. Just providing financially, parentally, and husbandly (new word!!!1111oneoneone) for my family and myself is my life. This is probably the most important thing that has come out of a bad situation, and while the daily outlook gets blurred with every argument, the lifelong one doesn’t need glasses anymore.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Vikes Suck, Bloggers Do Not

Taking a week off of bloglines and life in the couch lane backed up blogger traffic like a overturned truck of hogs on a slicked Minnesota highway.

Ok, that was bad. Pardon the rust.

The Vikes did exactly what was expected, played good D, T-Jack aiming for the wrong colored jerseys, and my Vikes jersey in storage until next year.


Since I'm wrapped up today in paper, please direct your attention to Vinnay's site who is giving a shout out to a friend in dire need:

I know I owe a winter gathering trip report, but something more important has come up.
A friend of mine, Jeff, has had an unfortunate Christmas.

His home was destroyed by a fire on christmas morning and declared a total loss. Fortunately, he was not home at the time and no one was hurt, but he did lose his cat Maurice, along with all of his possessions. The fire was started in his tenants apartment, and quickly spread throughout the house. To make matters worse, he was just laid off from his long time manufacturing job.

Jeff is a home game poker player, and reader of many of your blogs. He is a RPG'er, and beer drinker. He is a hard-working fucker who has battled dyslexia his whole life. He's a toker, and he only has one ball. He's a flyers fan (I guess I can forgive him for that). He's one of the most generous people I know.

And he needs some help.

We have set up a site to help raise some money for him to help get him back on his feet. If you can give that would be great, but please do me a favor and link up the site for me.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Fly Like a Brick

In my best G-Rob newscaster voice, two "stories" that should be wrapped up with the phrase:

"And in other news... water is still wet back to you Diane"

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. (AP)—Danica Patrick paid a $196 fine to settle a speeding ticket after the star race car driver was caught going 54 mph in a 35 mph zone last month.

Patrick, the first woman to win an IndyCar race, was due in traffic court Monday, but a Scottsdale City Court clerk says she paid the fine Wednesday.

The 26-year-old driver was pulled over by Scottsdale police Dec. 9 in her hometown while driving a 2007 Mercedes. A year ago, she was ticketed for driving 57 mph in a 40 mph zone in Scottsdale and was ordered to attend traffic school.

Scottsdale court records show the recent tickets are among several she has received in the past three years.

A call to Patrick’s racing team wasn’t immediately returned.

And of course... Vikes will predictably choke today despite devotion towards buying countless pieces of Purple Jesus apparel, sitting through all the train wreck years like a good fan, and whining about what could have been in 1998.

I love my Vikes, but McNabb looks like he finally mastered counting up to four without using his fingers and unless Jared Allen mistakes him for someone who stole his bike and goes Bobby Boucher on his ass the Vikes' season will be over before I hit the bottom of my third beer.

SKOL Mo'Fos!!!

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Taste Like Chalk

Thanks to Comcast I did not get to watch the Gophers lose to Kansas last night shipping a Mookie buy in to PokerPeaker and searches for appropriate Jayhawk fan pictures with keywords "hot jayhawk fans" "sexy Kansas college ladies" got some interesting results: