"Don't Mess With the Bull Young Man...

… you’ll get the horns”

Moo.

I felt like the cash cow early in the night playing some PLO8 with those wacky Europeans and their odd shaped coins at Interpoker. Getting quartered twice in a span of five hands gave me a British POUNDing to the mid-section, especially when I had 20+ outs to a 3/4th. But I managed to escape with minimal damage to my most recent attempt to play the $1/$2 game there with a well-timed bluff on a paired board and knowing the player had the ability to lay down his aces with no chance at a low.

What was that ruckus?

I can describe the ruckus sir.

Its Drizz’s heartbeat playing at the $1/$2 tables full time now (as games are available) and his heart is beating outside of his chest when making plays at pots. It’s nice to feel that excitement again, the well-timed semibluff, betting with a hidden nut-nut hand and knowing the other regular players are shaking their heads at the weak player who’s calling down with a straight on a paired board, with three flush cards, and no low. Instead of one to three regular players at the $.50/$1 tables, there’s now two to five of them at the $1/$2, still enough players for easy pickings but more caution to be used when entering a pot and/or attempting a bluff.

"Yo wastoid, you’re not gonna blaze up in here."

No, I’ll leave that to the experts next week ;)




Thank god for digital cable, now I can relive 80s cinema 24 hours a day! I think a brat pack marathon is in order sometime soon to appreciate the extra cable dollars I’m spending with digital cable each month. But, bonii at Interpoker needs to be cleared before the month is up so I have a little extra cash in Vegas for *ahem* entertainment and maybe a nice sit down dinner. Who am I kidding? My idea of a nice sit-down dinner is any place where you don’t need a tray to bring your food to your booth. Put more then one fork in front of me, and I’ll ask the stupid questions of which forks to use for which course. Yeah, I’m that guy.

The IM box was loaded with eager bloggers last night to swarm on the city of sin. I made a suggestion of hopping over to the Monte Carlo at some point in an afternoon to hit up a five liter micro-brew beer. I believe they’re called “giraffes” and come with a nifty tap. Me and my buddy Burnsie finished one a couple of years ago, and luckily the food was filling enough that the only reason I fell over was trying to get a better view of the be-thonged ladies in the pool right outside of the restaurant.

I doubt there will be many viewable g-strings outside of the strip clubs this time however; it’s a bit cold for those in the Southwest.

Bust out prize, bust out prize. I have one for busting me, which isn’t difficult, just get me in a coin flip and you’re a 99:1 favorite to win. Trust me on that.

It’s nothing extravagant. A small, leather backpack that I obtained through our company store with a deck of cards and professionally styled Yahtzee dice cup inside! I’ll take a picture of it once I get home today.

I’ve been hitting up the Vegas poker room websites for places to play Omaha 8 but have come up with “will spread on request” or flat out NO! I guess I’ll be regulated to watching Felicia and Badblood play the mixed game at the Wynn or buying in for $1K at 2-4 limit Hold Them at the Excal when we storm the castle again.

“Sir your chips are blocking your cards”.

“You’re right; I should get more chips, CHECKS!!”

My plans for my birthday on the 8th are... drink, get a lap dance, drink some more, play a little poker, get a straw so I don’t need to lift a glass to drink, play some more poker, puke and rally, play some extreme keno while drinking, then pass out (or "rest my eyes") after the fifth number is called.

Can’t wait.

Thanks for dropping by, now here’s a site that all you Jonathan Bender fanatics have been looking for! Sigh.

NKOTB

JORDAN!! Just saying that rang “Hangin Tough” off in my head and reminded me of my days as a skinny math geek at Northview Junior High. No poker last night since I managed to fall asleep watching cartoons with Little Drizz in the early evening (can you tell I'm ready for Vegas?).

Sigh.



Instead of my usual bitch and moan post, I thought I’d pimp some blogs that have been added to my daily reading roll.

StB: Listing “80s Hair Bands” as favorite music always gets a plus in my book! This investment banker from Mill-wah-kay (anyone else remember Alice Cooper describing Milwaukee in Wayne’s World? No? I’ll shut up now) has been blogging longer then I and describes drinking beers in cases rather then single numbers. Oof.

TraumaPoker: Trauma is a fellow PLO8 degenerate who brings the action and gets the nut-sitters off their game. His style of ramming-and-jamming has been very profitable and has me re-tooling my aggression in these games. He also is the co-champion of the Heads-Up Challenge #2, watch out for this guy shorthanded.

Poker Poison: She’s a heads-up specialist who enjoys taunting the boys via IMs into taking her on in HU matches. If you do manage to beat her, there’s some sexy about getting cursed in rapid-fire Spanish. I kid I kid.

TenMile: His soft Garrison Kellior storytelling voice about poker and rural life takes you down a pebble crusted road into his adventures on the virtual felt.

Tao of Poker: NYC blogger with a weakness for stripp... Oh, you’ve heard of Pauly? Well, go check out his tips on surviving a weekend with the bloggers in Vegas. The suggestions are gold, learn them. Since there are no marital restraints for Drizz this time I’m gonna need some kind of direction… towards the strip clubs :D

Change100: LA chick with a penchant for kicking in drywall and enjoying some herbal remedies after her aces get cracked. Remind me to wear a cup at the tables playing against her.

Columbo: Newer blogger who penned a post about my former addiction (Dark Age of Camelot) and plays in the same games as my current addiction (Omaha 8 or better). He’s got some cool WPBT hats made up. Go check em out!

Tonight I will be hunting down an O8 tournament to play in (shocking, I know). I really need to brush up on my limit game if I’m going to take a shot at that mixed game at the Wynn, or any O8 game in Vegas.

Note to self: Put down that Juggs magazine and start reading some Ray-Zee for the next week.

Thanks for dropping by, now click on the bloggers above as they are far more entertaining then this scribble.

Results Based Observations

Guilty as charged.

In poker you’re supposed to be focused on making the correct play, not how the cards come out. Value bet those draws to get maximum value when they hit, put the other guy to the decision for his/her chips, force the mouth-breather to CALL with a 11% chance to win.

Exhaling here.

I did manage to snag decent cashes this weekend, plus another $26 tournament token on Full Tilt (thanks Daddy for pointing out those SnGs). I should be pleased that my tournament plays have been correct despite a string of two and three outers hitting.

Right?

I don’t feel happy.

In fact I feel like that Packer idiot that fumbled the late 4th quarter kickoff preventing Joe Buck from creaming his pants if Farve would have led a drive for the game winning field goal. My god what an ugly game, the only bright spot was Westbrook and the emergence of an Eagles running game.

While we’re segueing from poker to football… SKOL Vikings? Amazing what four wins in a row can do to the image of your head coach. The offense has been slow and steady like serving a nursing home lunch line (one of my many former jobs), the defense has been living up to its price tag, and the coaching hasn’t been as predictable as a porn movie for once.

That rookie corner who’s been filing in for Smoot has been nothing short of outstanding, Sharper has been the ball-fiend he was in Cheesehead land, and D-line has finally been pressuring the quarterback. Granted it was a gimpy, over-the-hill Trent Dilfer that the D-line was pressuring but at least they didn’t let him have happy hour in the pocket while slinging errant passes off a bad knee.

Are the playoffs possible for this duct-tape riddled team? The schedule seems fairly soft from here on out, save the home games vs. the Steelers and Da Boring Bears.

I do know one thing for certain:

Dec. 11th I’ll be wearing my #99 Viking jersey at the sportsbook of Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino rooting on my Vikings vs. the Rams and doing shots with the finest collection of drunken poker players to walk the planet.

Are you antsy at work yet?

Stop tapping your foot and glancing at your Cat-A-Day calendar every two seconds! Maybe for the next WPBT live event we could just announce it 2 days before leaving so people could actually be semi-productive at work and sleep at night. I remember the weeks prior to the WPBT Winter Aladdin Classic being almost as restless as the first week we brought Little Drizz to our home. And this time it’s not the added sponsorship of Full Tilt and PokerStars (but that’s a VERY cool and welcome addition). It’s not the added pros and possible free swag.

It’s the people.

If you haven’t attended an event I cannot describe the energy and openness of this group. You won’t find a friendlier, diverse group of people anywhere. Every group has an asshole that makes everyone else uncomfortable you might say. Sure, if you go to a church group there’s always a holy roller that is a bit overzealous and smites you into brimstone if you misquote some obscure bible passage. Or that smelly, crazy uncle with three teeth, who cuts in front of your grandparents in the food line at family gatherings, then demands some money while dishing up some cole slaw because he ran out of booze and Reds and his wife can’t work because she’s pregnant with their 12th kid of which half of em are his.

Your not going to find an asshole in this group, unless you eat all the bacon at the breakfast buffet with Daddy standing right behind you. That would make you the asshole because that's just mean.

“But, we play a game in which we take each others money” you might say. True, poker players are known for deception and thievery at the tables. But, did someone online ever offer you an irish car bomb and a McGriddle at 5am to discuss why the leftover hookers are still sitting at the bar? Better yet, go ask them why they’re still sitting at the bar.

Ever want to learn about poker from a different perspective? Limit? No Limit? Mixed games? Live games? Bonus whoring online? How to deal with tilt? How to deal with never winning a fucking coin flip? Just look up the handy spreadsheet Bill mailed out last week and ask the question. You read the blogs, now ask the questions in person.

Here’s a good thing bloggers could jot down in a post this week:

Describe your looks, and what you’ll be most likely wearing during the weekend (JoeSpeaker does not need to list the 15 different brands of designer evening-wear he’ll be fashioning on Saturday alone).

I’m about 6’4” and slender build. A cackling, annoying laugh, with a toothy crooked smile. Pale white from all the warm weather we get here in the Artic Circle. Most likely I’ll have a visor with the Vikes or Monte Carlo on it. For image purposes I’ll wear some stupid poker t-shirt to throw off the locals and blend in with the fish at the tables. I may or may not wear my skin-tight Absolute Poker jammies bottoms but I will be wearing wind pants. If I’m at a low stakes limit hold em table I will have 300 BBs minimum in front me… unless –EV already bought out all the chips.

My accent tends to be difficult to understand while under the influence of alcohol (unless you speak Minnesotan Garble, which an offshoot dialect of Canuck Garble). So, if you’re looking for advice on how to win at Chinese Poker or if Felicia isn’t available… O8, catch me snacking on a McGriddle or at Denny’s sitting in front of a Grand Slam skillet in the morning before I start my steady diet of Cap’n Cokes for the remainder of the day.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you don’t have all the information for the WPBT Imperial Palace tourney click on the banner above. Now you can go back to glancing at your clock again.

Drizz The Greek's Week 12 NFL Picks

Ah, nothing like doing the weekly cleaning to a construction worker telling you where you can hang out with all the boys.

Bless this iPod.

Ok then, I finished up Weekend at Pauly's somewhere around 12th or 13th place overall. Not a bad haul for someone who sucks at tourneys and can't win a coin flip to save his life. Yesterday's card death ended with AQ vs. JJ, I didn't improve.

Without further ado, here's the picks you should avoid today!

Two-team parlays:

Vikes -4, 49ers +8.5 (Don't bet on your team is good advice, but gosh darn it I think the Vikes have a little mo-men-tim)

Raiders -7, Seachickens -5.5 (Shawn Alexander will rush for 5 million yards and Randy Moss will break out of his wallflower mode today)

Vikes/Browns Over 38, Rams -4 (yes I don't learn my lesson about betting on the Rams)

Three team parlay:

Bungles -10, Chiefs -3, Panthers -4 (the Panthers line today looks like a solid investment)

6 Point Teaser:

Pats +9, Bungles -4, Cards +10 (throwing away money here as usual, but Teaser bets are fun!)

Enjoy your NFL Sunday, I just got digital cable and plan on rocking to Arena Rock during the games while being shown in HD!

Can Drizz Win One For The Gipper?

Its been a long time coming, but I may be heading to my second final table on Stars....

Since I cashed in two other MTTs tonight and busted with suckouts, I think the poker gods should grant me some passage here.

Sadly, the cards have been rather frigid save the hand that I luckly caught a set, then rivered a boat vs. two low draws that didn't get there.



Limit O8 is about extracting value, unfortunately there's not much value in the cards being shot to me at the moment.

Down to 12 now, I'm getting frostbite from the cards and my weak-tight game is steadily creeping in since its been too long to remember my last Stars final table.

Update: I scooped with AA33 ss, when I caught a low gets me in ok shape with 11 remaining

Update: Hit a set, other player missed his straight draw 2nd now with 10 remaining

Update: FINAL TABLE BABY!!! Its fuckin 2:15am but I'm amp'd after a shitty day earlier

Update: Down to eight now, this is starting to get a little tense for me, as weak-tight Drizz from a year ago is creeping into my game, but I can afford to be a little selective with 10BBs in a limit tourney at this stage. Pino888 is by far the most aggressive at the table and has shown down some good hands.

Update: Shortstacks don't seems to be getting the memo about busting out. Sigh, one guy all-in 4 times, split each time

Update: Houston we have a disconnect, please add four fuckin minutes to his timer right before the damn break! I need a drink.

Update: Chip leader finally delivers a suckout-luckbox punch to the shortstack's aces right in the mid-section. Down seven now.

Update: Chip leader turns a nut-nut hand and another shortstack missed his straight flush. Down to 5 now.

Update: Out 4th, Chip leader has the suckout power of 10 hoover vaccums, over taking my AA46 ss, with trip threes. He had odds and the cards so I shouldn't complain, now that its 3am I think I'm going to treat myself to a little rest.

Thanks to all the late night railbirds for your support!

Turkey Day Musings

Snow has started to fall outside here in the Twin Cities and I find myself bundled up with emotions.

I saw the past last night as we partied after two different family dinners. Playing beer pong in an un-heated gargage at midnight with 20 others looking on.

I look at my son and see my present life as a father, caregiver, and an occasional rickety unsaddled horse with two bad knees. Even through the tantrums of not getting his way at the dinner table or crying for not being able to play with the toys he saw my wife bring in after her morning shop-a-thon, I find myself alive.

I look at my wife and see the future growing inside her and a life to begin with a family of four.

I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I deserve such life. I still see a broken person staring back at me in the mornings and can't dispel a hate for my roadless continuation. A goal-setter without a goal to reach makes for one very confused and lost person. As I write this, I'm not sure where I want to go or what to do when I get to my next destination.

But Drizz you have the world waking you up at 8:30am with stuffed animals, a toothy smily, and a big "DADDY WAKE UP!". Maybe I need to separate my wantings and give into the collective family, and there I'll find the happiness I seek.

Or maybe I'm just pouting again because of yet another 2-outer knocking me out of a tournament.

Whatever it is that's nagging me and causing the nauseous swirl in my head better leave soon, because I'm going to Vegas in 13 days to see some friends. I'd rather not show up downtrotten as a degenerate gambler on his last proverbial nickel, but as the person I write about in this blog, the person my wife wakes up with every morning, and the dad who cheers on his son as he knocks down a row of plastic bowling pins that have been re-set for the 22nd time.

Whew. Sorry had to find a place to get this junk out of my head so I could go enjoy the rest of the Thanksgiving weekend. Tomorrow, better spirits as I nail up a post about my beer pong tournament victory.

Happy Holidays folks, and good luck to all!

Penultimate to Non-Cash

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.

-- Samuel Goldwyn

Thanks again for the sweat guys. Sorry I couldn't suckout on the massive chip leader.

Actually I was squarely the last to non-cash, not next to last. I just wanted to use the word “penultimate” and try to be a cool kid. Bubble boy again for the third time in three days.

Sigh.

SirWaffle mentioned on the Instant Messaging box that a PLO8 tourney was starting up on Full Tilt while I was just planning on checking my email, maybe find some midget porn, and head to bed with the nasty migraine I’d been fighting all-day. But, a PLO8 tourney stirs my loins more then seeing garden gnomes getting it on in a back seat of a school bus.

I think I threw up a little bit there.

Card death combined with calling stations and having the chip leader raise every single hand while getting blinded down is not a good mix. Granted ANY hand is playable when you have five times the stack of second place in an Omaha tourney, but it didn’t help my position of having to pick my spots to call and hope for a good flop with draws to try to snag a cash. I was more patient in this tourney then in the past. In fact I've been far more patient recently in tournaments and the results are finally coming in. I didn’t shove my chips in the middle without thinking about it first. This is a corner I’ve finally turned with tournament play as in the past I’d shove my chips in with a coin flip then write some whinny post/IM about how I never win the flip.

*** Warning stupid unwarranted poker advice is about to commence ***

The following presentation is not-suitable to those under the age of 21 or people who think that grape kool-aid is better then cherry.

In PLO8 it is FAR more advantageous to see the flop THEN take a course of action. If you shove pre-flop even with the holy grail of all O8 hands AA23 double suited, you’re only a slight favorite over two or three donkeys playing a two pair hand or four mid-range cards (such as 89TJ).

Being aggressive by shoving pre-flop (without a huge stack, bludgeoning people with a stack is different) is turning your tournament into nothing more then a War-styled card battle. I’ve read several blogger’s suggestions over the past week concerning the advantage to winning post-flop rather then pushing small edges pre-flop. I don’t think there’s a better game to do this at then PLO8. “Sweetening the pot” with min-raises is an excellent tactic with a potential scoop hands (three to a wheel and suited ace), that way if/when you do hit the flop hard (nut-low plus four to a flush/two pair/a set) you’ll get paid off without risking your entire stack in a game that your course of action is very dependant upon the flop.

Unlike Hold Em’ where a small pair can pull off a stop and go with a raggedy board if you put your opponent on two overcards, in PLO8 if the board comes out with three to a low and you hold AAKJ with no potential flush, your hand is now dead to half the pot the majority of the time, and you’re getting free-rolled for the high. This is a prime example of a hand I see overplayed in O8 tournaments time and time again.

I must really be sick for trying to offer poker advice. Please accept my apology to those who are rushing to the medicine cabinet for some quick dissolving Maalox-Plus.

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Ever gone to a retail store and had to pick the line you wished to check-out your exfoliating lime infused body wash and catnip toys for your cat, but three cashiers all ask you at the same time “would you like to check-out sir/ma’am?”.

Which one do you choose?

Think hard here.

Last night, my wife chose the cashier with a little Pillsbury doughboy thing seeping out underneath her straining red ribbed shirt instead of the Tyra Banks look-a-like. Even Little Drizz barely turned around to say his usual “hi hi” to the display of flesh oozing out between the stretchy pants and boob enhancing sweater top. I was going to mention the Six-Pack Abs video featuring a very sexy John Basedow was on special in the clearance rack, but that seemed a little immature.

Personally I’m not one to expose my midriff since my six pack from playing hockey is gone along the lines of a Budweiser party ball now and I shouldn’t be critical of others. But I wasn’t the one trying to accentuate my bosom at the expense of rippling wave of flesh across the belly button ocean. Even the pregnant wife gave a “what the fuck” look as she could tell those weren’t maternity pants the cashier was wearing.



Thanks for dropping by, now go check out Hank’s latest post concerning the psychology of poker. Your ego and sanity will thank you.

Today It Was a Good Day

Wow.

C’mon now, give them credit, I know it’s hard.

SKOL VIKINGS LET’S GO!!!

I’m almost thankful for the runner-runner flush draw out in a LO8 tourney last night so I could go watch the second half of the game last night.

By the way, the game was iced with four minutes remaining, not three seconds. For some reason the refs couldn’t take their mouths off Farve’s schlong and gave him not one but TWO chances to win the game. A phantom holding penalty after Moore broke through the line for 25+ yards with four minutes remaining forced the Vikes to revert to a Denny Green “run the draw with 3rd and long” type play and had to punt. After the punt on 3rd and 10 with the Packers at mid-field and Farve throwing a pass that Ryan Leaf would have been proud of, an illegal hand to face penalty was called… on a defensive lineman????

Great job not getting in the way of the game gentlemen.

I know that sounds like my tinfoil hat was twisted on too tight, but there was no reason for the calls and frankly Vikes could use a couple more breaks, unlike last week (again, heavy internet sarcasm at use here folks).

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I was coerced into playing some poker last night when G-Rob IM’d me about a freeroll on Full Tilt. I had been trying to save up the points to acquire one of those super-cool hockey jerseys (birthday present idea guys!!!!), but figured why not play a little donkey poker to relieve the stress of being down a buy-in and a quarter at the $1/$2 PLO8 tables (that’s $250, and hurts the bankroll a bit while cashing out FAKE funds for Vegas).

199 runners, 9 get $26 tournament tokens. Badblood joined the turnip truck and we were off. This wasn’t like a usual freeroll where half the table forgot they signed up, but the play was on-par for well, any tourney at Full Tilt. First hand saw T8 vs 84 all in on a 8 high flop. I managed to avoid suckouts and carefully chipped up with value bets since steals/bluffs don’t work on these folks since Full Tilt erased their fold buttons.

Yes, that’s me in 9th, and yes I won the token. Small prize relatively, but damnit I needed something like this since the past seven months has been littered with too many lost coin flips, suckouts, and bad play on my part. The following things I saw seem to be crucial to cashing/winning a tournament:





1) You must suckout at least once while behind (I call this the CJ Theorem of Profitabililty). AQ vs. AK and I flopped a Q early on to double up.

2) You must win at least one coin flip. JJ vs. AK and it held up despite a K flopping but I rivered a straight.

3) You must steal enough blinds with total crap cards and not get caught. I stole enough blinds to stay at or near par with any two cards while picking on the shortstack and avoiding the people who could have posted and folded into the token but refused to.

4) You must be able to absorb some beats and steal attempts gone south. I lost a hand very late in the tourney with JJ vs Q4, and tried to steal a tight shortstack’s BB with K4o, but he woke up with aces.

5) Know the structure of the tourney. Since it was a satellite and 1st got the same thing as 9th, when I was severely shortstacked and 10th place was in the same boat as me, I waited him out to do something stupid like bet into an over-zealous chip leader. Sure enough he did and lost, and I won despite having only two antes left.

Small taste of victory.

The bigger taste came while playing the cash games while playing PLO8 with SirWiffleBat at PokerStars. I’m sure I surprised him a little bit, shying away from my usual rockish façade and pushing a couple of draws profitably. Here’s the draw I had according to TwoDimes:

http://twodimes.net/h/?z=1360851
pokenum -o8 ac qs 2c jh - ts th 5s 9d -- 4s jc tc 3h
Omaha Hi/Low 8-or-better:
40 enumerated boards containing 4s Jc Tc 3h
cards scoop HIwin HIlos HItie LOwin LOlos LOtie EV
Qs Ac 2c Jh 12 12 28 0 15 0 0 0.412
Ts 5s 9d Th 19 28 12 0 0 0 0 0.588


Hmmmm… I put the guy on the set, maybe I wasn’t justified after all to take a shot. Donkey see, donkey doo-doo. Gotta take a chance once in a while right?

I was due????

Now I'm sounding like an Omatard, help me.

A buy in and a half later, combined with a buy in win on Full Tilt and I was unstuck for the day, plus a profit.

Yes, today it was good day, here’s to hoping it continues.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you’re a short bus rider like myself and haven’t checked out the latest WPBT news from Otis, stop waiting for your helmet and click on the link! Thank you Otis and all the bloggers who are making these last 16 days before Vegas very painful to endure.

I'm In a Hurry

I'm In A Hurry To Get Things Done
(Oh,) I Rush Rush Until Life's No Fun
All I Really Gotta Do Is Live Die
But, I'm In A Hurry Don't Know Why

- Alabama

Starting a casino trip at midnight leaves for a lot of idle time before getting picked up. Luckily I had a bottle of Captain Morgan in the house and some rowdy bloggers dishing out dial-a-shots. Getting buzzed before heading to a bar service only casino is a must, since they do not allow alcohol on the casino floor (18 and over) and no free drinks for playing (unlike Vegas), and a 1am last call (booooooo). I was able to get the birthday boy at least one drink as we got there right before last call. The house country band was wrapping up their set with “I’m In a Hurry” by Alabama, good twang, excellent effort. I was in a personal happy-place gabbing with Burnsie while smashing buttons and yelling for quads on the bar video poker machines. Then the slightly tipsy woman playing in the barstool next to us with a Grand Casino sweatshirt on decides to start a conversation without me.

Hookah bar in Minnesota? If she was a hookah, I think I’d need a couple more bottles of Rumple Minz to make her go from Kathy Liebert to Kathy Ireland. But being the jolly drunk guy I decided to listen to her prattle about her losing and having to sweat us since she was out of money. My guess is that she saw me pull out my poker bankroll to pay for the drinks and her intentions were less then kosher. Or my video poker skillz (that netted a $10.50 win) made her panties wet.

I’m thinking it was the former.

Painfully watched Burnsie lose the $100 that he brought in a matter of an hour, but Drizz was the penny-slot master as I won enough to give him my winnings so he could keep playing. I won probably $80-$100, but it was his birthday and there’s no sense in letting your friend sulk while you win.

Later as we were playing another bank of two cent machines, some woman-folks circled around to start playing next to us even after I got caught gawking at the long legged blonde in the group of three. Nothing sexier then a skinny drunk white guy playing penny slots with another skinny white guy, I’m still amazed she kept her restraint by not stripping right in front of us.

Caution, I use internet sarcasm sometimes, you have been warned.

Sadly, the Nordic blonde goddess left us when she lost her $20 despite our discussion on slots strategies such as varying your bet to throw off the random number generator thus increasing her possible win-rate and giving the machine a lap dance that would make a Buddhist monk blush. Yes, I’m shameless, and I wish it was me getting the lap dance.

Let-it-ride rode me into my only losses of the night as some chain smoking wiggahs sucked all of the fun I was having while losing my money to a jolly dealer. The pit bosses should have a no wiggah zone as I was willing to lose the reminder of my $100 buy-in to keep the conversation with the dealer, but the Newport smoking, basketball jersey-wearing doofuses took all the fun out of it. They slapped down their $200 in quarters trying to look like high rollers… then requested $25 in silvers. Since I didn’t feel like getting into a dick-swinging contest by putting up the $1,500 in my pocket, I decided to grab Burnsie to see if the poker room had any action.

One shorthanded $2/$4 Hold Em’ game going with three guys who all knew each other.

Sigh.

I caught some lucky cards and marveled in the bad play. Sorry sir but bottom two pair isn’t very good with a 4 card straight and a possible flush out there, but you go ahead and bet it hard when someone is playing back at you. Since I was out of my element I walked away after one hour with a tidy 9BB profit with tips going out to the dealer and cage of course.

The sun started to come up, so we hit the restaurant for the gig-normous $2.99 breakfast special with a plate fit for Paul Bunyan. Generous slice of ham, two eggs (scrambled), hash browns, and Texas toast (lightly buttered), hit all the right spots of my stomach for the ride home.

Not a bad way to finish up a day after being up for over 24 hours.

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Why won’t this tournament itch go away? Why am I in such a hurry to win one? Tournament poker the crack-cocaine of the poker world and I can’t let it go. No, I’m not ready to sell my chalk white self out in exchange for buy-ins, but I continue to let those degenerates on the IM chat boxes whore me into buying into tournaments.

Easy money they say! When you’re kicking ass like CJ and JoeSpeaker cashing big at the Full Tilt $50K guarantee it does look easy. Or if you’re Otis bashing around PartyPoker players like piñatas during Cinco De Mayo during their $500K Sunday guarantee.

Congrats guys.

I lost at the WPBT shootout on Full Tilt with Aces… again. When you’re running as bad as me this is almost expected. Last night while railbirding the above players, I did manage to cash in a Stars $5 MTT with 1322 runners, never getting into a coin flip or being the underdog, until I busted with 122 people remaining holding AJo vs. someone calling my all-in with 66?

Thanks for five bucks!

Maybe one of these days, coin flips will turn my way, but until then I’ll be satisfied with the camaraderie of tournament poker with the bloggers.

I hear there’s a tournament coming up in Vegas a couple of days after my birthday… will you be there?

I hope so.

Thanks for dropping by, now go congratulate the UFP crew for crushing the virtual competition this weekend. And compliment G-Rob on his hair since he sucks at poker.

Drizz The Greek's Week 11 NFL Picks

Twice the bubble boy yesterday while playing PLO and HORSE tournaments left me with a dry mouth and hungry for a little more. So, I decided to take up PartyPoker's offer of a raked hands bonus... and finished in 2.5 hours playing 6 tables of PLO8 at once. If I didn't hate the site's software and customer service so much I'd play there more often as I had a VERY profitable run.

Ok, without further ado... you're anti-picks for the week!!

Two Team Parlay:

Panthers -3, Jags -4.5 (I know you're not supposed to "fall in love with a team" but the Panthers are kicking some ass, and this will be the first time the Bears have to play a team that can score more then 3 points a game)

Three Team Parlay:

Colts -5.5, Redskins -6.5, and Lions +8 (Everytime I bet a Lions' game, I lose, go for the opposite)

Straight Up My Tony!

Giants -8 (McNabb's groin isn't the only thing hurting in Iggles-town)

6 Point Teaser:

Jags +1.5, Pats -3.5, Rams -3.5 (Rams seem to fuck up my parlay bets, hopefully giving them an extra 6 points on the spread will help)

Over and Under and Through the Icky Shuffle We Go!

Colts and Bungles over 47.5 (Colts D is playing phe-nom-tasic, but so are both offenses)

I'll have to wait till tomorrow to recap a casino trip where Drizz actually played shorthanded HE and won!

Good luck folks!

When Nature Attacks!

Ok, it was a squirrel not some King Kong sized grizzly bear. We live in the suburbs, so seeing a squirrel snacking on Little Drizz’s Halloween candy (squirrels prefer Junior Mints, peanut M & Ms, and Blow Pops just so you know) when entering the kitchen caused quite a stir. That didn't help my wife's mood as she had a rough day at work since her assistant enjoys taking two hours to carefully arrange pepperoni in perfect geometric shape on 300 slices of pizza and taking an hour to make instant mashed potatoes.

A freaked-stressed out pregnant chick is not the type of Wednesday night relaxation I was looking for. At least the WPT replay provided some comic relief, as VVP picked the chip leader to win for the 35th straight time. Try something new man, like picking the only known pro at the table (Phil Ivey) oh wait that's always Mike's pick. Carry on.

Tonight I will be adventuring on a Midnight Run to Grand Casino Hinckley. As mentioned earlier in the week my buddy Burnsie is turning 30 and respectfully requested we dust off a time-honored tradition that used to take place nearly every week. Of course getting a steady job, retaining a spouse, and producing little spawns have taken precedence over nickel slots, swapping drunken party stories about chicks with weird nipples, and eating that delicious cheap breakfast when the sun peaks over the frozen tundra the next day.

Here's one such story:

Many moons ago when we were a couple of 120 pound volleyball gym rats, we took a couple of ladies with us on one of our trips. The destination was Treasure Island near Red Wing, MN. In this multi-colored piece of shit 85’ Nova the space was a little cramped since all four of us were over six feet tall made for the need to joke about wanting to get there faster then the 30 mph max speed that the car had.

Can you tell I was a regular Casanova in college? Pimpin ride, shy-guy syndrome, and bean-pole arms what more could you ask for in a guy??? I’m surprised Tommy Lee didn’t drop by my parent's house to regularly ask for Pam to come back home.

Our prior experiences led us to the casino easily, but if you haven’t been to Treasure Island (especially back then) it was easy to get lost (see Cheap Thrill’s recent trip report). Once inside about 55 cartons of Marlboro Reds hit us right in the face, and back then being a social smoker I whipped out my pack of Lights and lit up despite my girlfriend’s look of disgust. Being the suave gentlemen that we were, Burnsie and I railbirded the ladies while playing the newest nickel slots with *gasps* bonus games! Although the colecovision graphic slots are now being moved into dark corners of casinos these were the hot things to play back then.

After an hour or so the ladies were bored since the slots gods decided to accept their sacrifices without any monetary rewards, it was time to play some blackjack. Past the age of 25, I could (and still) never win at a blackjack table, but since I was only 21 at the time, the card deities smiled upon my barely over McDonald's-wage gambling. While betting $5 a hand I was making a little change while Burnsie was cleaning up due to his usual total disregard for the chips having monetary value.

Then the drunken Indian (feather not dot) stumbled into the open seat on the end next to me.

He promptly splashed about $750 worth of nickels and quarter chips on table and declared he wishes to play black…. jack and some smokes, gotta have some smokes (repeat "gotta have some smokes" about 20 times before the cigarette lady came back with the right carton). The dirty trucker at the other end of the table immediately decided to badger the Indian with jokes for smokes but the Indian paid no attention as his betting style consisted of grabbing a handful of chips and splashing them in the betting circle. Denomination of the chips be damned.

No, he wasn’t counting cards, or “putting on an act” as I’ll reveal why I knew this in a second. His erratic play promptly got the pit bosses worked up since he’d hit on seventeen with a $175 bet at a $5 table (maximum bet was $199 back then), and get a 4. Then stay on 5 with a $15 bet and have the dealer bust. All the while the trucker kept badgering the Indian for smokes and drinks which he bought a carton right at the table with a generous $25 tip to the be-thonged cigarette lady (yes I got slapped for looking, I'm only human!!) and started passing out a pack and drinks for everyone.

Good times.

Eventually the Indian started to lose and his pile of chips diminished, but he wasn’t going to be deterred into making stupid plays. Until one hand the anchor of the table, a portly bingo player, didn’t take a hit with 13 and a dealer’s face card showing, dealer flipped up 13 also and caught an 8 for 21. This caused the previously serene drunkin Indian to explode out of his chair knocking over his Jack and Coke to exclaim...

“IF YOU’RE GOING TO PLAY STUPID, I’M GOING TO PLAY STUPID TOO!”

For the next six hands he did just that… Any pair? Split them!! Then split em again despite getting 20 on both. If he got a hard 18, he hit it for 28 despite the dealer’s up card showing a 6. Soft 13? He’d stay, and the dealer’s 10 became a 20 with a matching paint card. In the one hand he did manage to get 21 in four cards, he still insisted on a hit. Maybe today, the pit boss would have stepped in and saved this poor soul from himself but I guess they were hard up for retaining those checks for the new hotel expansion.

After losing everything but a couple of nickels, he gently “rested his eyes” and security came to take the poor guy away.

Never saw him again that night, but whenever I’m sitting down playing poker virtually or live the image of that guy is burnt into my mind enough to realize just how destructive tilt can be. I realize it’s a kind of a you-had-to-be-there type of story to be funny, but its just one of many Midnight Run stories that I’ll be hoping to add to while going up Hwy. 35 to Hinckley tonight.

Thanks for dropping by, now check out the blog of the 18 year old being accused of killing his 14 year old girlfriend’s parents. I don't know which is more retarded, the blog or the comments.

Let It Snow!

Sigh.

The white stuff has invaded the Twin Cities where it will clamp down on the terrain for the next eight months or maybe longer depending on what kind of deal Tice made with the devil for that win on Sunday. The wife wants to purchase a snowblower since our driveway is now our responsibility to clear since we don’t live in a duplex anymore. Is the comfort of not busting your back at 3:30am to clear the driveway worth $500-$600?

While the cold winds and crystallized water droplets fell outside, frigid virtual cards inside prevented me from having a wonderful write up about my tournament cashes. I am pleased that I managed to outlast most of the field in both attempts last night but one beat and one Alberta clipper wave of cards sent me to the rail without dessert. 34th out of 180 in a $20 PokerStars SnG where my shortstacked A9 was shot down by the powerful A2. It happens, one of these days I’ll get lucky with these 70/30 shots.

On Full Tilt I managed to reach the bubble taking 11th out of 77 in a PLO8 tourney. Good god, when you get chat like “I was way ahead pre-flop with 9925 rainbow vs. A346 double suited” (for those of you who don’t play O8… 2599 is not exactly a “premium hand”, think along the lines of playing J6o UTG) you know your chances of winning increase dramatically. I picked a couple of spots for steals, but nothing materialized as I had to push with a less then premium hand and ran into Aces with a broadway wrap vs. my one-way flush draw AJJ7. The flop gave me hope; the turn gave me more outs then poorly written NFL contract to at least a split. But it wasn’t to be. Pleased with the decisions I made rather then the results was more important than the money. Don’t get me wrong, I like money, but when you’re on a cold-streak of tournament finishes, being able to look back at your decisions and feeling confident that you played your best trumps the greenbacks.

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Ever been out to eat and wonder why the hell this cost $XX.XX? You enjoyed the food, the service was manageable, but the price tag just didn’t match. Timberlodge steakhouse left me with the urging for more last night while we celebrated my buddy Burnsie’s 30th birthday a little early with the in-laws last night. Don’t get me wrong, the honey infused, parmesan crusted bread they brought out could have constituted for an entire meal. And, my chicken-filet with 11 herbs and spices would make the Colonel blush with envy.

But, where’s the portions?

They crammed the cheesy hash browns and chicken filet onto an appetizer plate to make it look bigger then it was.

Nice try jackalopes.

My stomach isn’t as easily fooled as my eyes. I’m not used to dining out much since Little Drizz has an attention span that rivals with your average college student in an auditorium Freshman Comp class. I expected not to go home hungry after spending $15 on a meal (I passed on the $5-$6 domestic taps). Maybe I’m a tight-wad but if I’m spending $15 on a meal and not boozing it up, I’d like to feel the need to wear my wife’s maternity stretchy pants for the ride home.

Question on tipping etiquette: You get charged 15% gratuity for having a party of eight or more and the service was meh (or so-so in non-gamer speak), do you add an additional tip? I always tip regardless of the service (amount varies of course on the level of service), but I wanted to make sure that the server received that 15%, not the restaurant. If the 15% is automatically added to the bill, does the server get that amount?

Thanks for dropping by, now check out Pauly’s live blogging results from Foxwoods. After viewing some choice photographs on his site, I can see that the Absolute Poker girls match the skankiness of that site’s software.

Dearest Captial One

An open letter to Capital One:

Dearest Sir’s, Ma’am’s, and dipshit credit computers:

Two years ago my life was changed forever.

After nearly seven long months worth of seeing my wife nurse our son into becoming a social security number, we would name him Wyatt. Today we cherish his affection for hot dogs and Thomas the Tank Engine products. His laughter immediately brightens my day even if the short bus riders on PartyPoker line up in a row to place a steel toed boot to my lower regions with bad beats.

It seems like only yesterday he was burping up some nasty Gerber’s apple/pear/plum mix that only a baby or bong lover could enjoy. Last week he made a turkey out of a paper bag, some glued on feathers (colored by crayons), and stuffed it with cotton so it was nice and fluffy! Yesterday, he told me all about the “icky bug” that was crawling along the carpeting in our basement and helped me capture it. Pretty smart kid, eh?

I know you took these things into consideration when you mailed him not one but TWO $2,000 pre-approved credit lines through your credit card division. Do you think you could bump it to $4,000 if I told you about his wicked slap shot with the mini-hockey sticks I gave him? How about we go for an even ten grand if I relayed the story about his ability to make 24 different animal noises, just by saying the name of animal! WOW!

I am not sure what angle your company is trying to shoot when offering him credit since he is currently unemployed, and his educational background consist of Little Einstein movies and Clifford the Big Red Dog pop up books.

In the future it may be your best interest to narrow your marketing for credit applicants to giving out free pens to college students and elderly folks at the state fair, and sponsoring everything related to football.

Please cease and desist all mailings to Wyatt immediately, or I will be forced to spam your company with cute pictures and adorable kid stories until the headset melts off every one of your customer service representatives in your call center.

Sincerely,

Dave


God bless our backward ass credit system.

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I took a relaxed approach to the game last night, in playing a few orbits of limit O8 with SirWaffle while finishing up a PokerStars reload bonus. Wow, I had forgotten how bad low limit O8 players are. Trying to put them on a hand was like trying to solve Beal’s Conjecture with a county fair yard stick and a healthy dose of LSD. I think I finished a couple of BBs down but it was definitely eye opening to watch the horrible play. If you’ve stayed away from PokerStars in the past because the players are better… its safe to swim in this waters again, 30 minutes after eating of course.

Then I tried hoping on Full Tilt to tame my Razz cravings for the week, and G-Rob was at the table discussing the current situation in France with a intellectual political science major railbird. I think the word Xenophobe came out a few times. But after a few orbits my screen would freeze up, my chip stack would waver depending on if I held cards or not, and I got timed out on a big hand where I held 4 to a wheel. Not excited about that. But, I’ll let it slide if someone from the Tilt team could assure me there was some technical issues last night, or if it’s detrimental to have three videos of cheerleader porn going at the same time as playing.

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I just got word that Burnsie wants to go on a Midnight Run for his birthday on Thursday. This brings flashbacks of Calculus class, blue balls, bad skin, and pitching for the Osseo Orioles. “A Midnight Run”, was our slang for heading to the casino at ten at night and maybe getting back in time to go to class the next day. Hey, the breakfast at Grand Casino Mille Lacs was worth missing Deutsche class for. Ich liebe deutsche Lektionen! In reality I didn't care much for German class due to the spray bottle the teacher would use if you tried to catch a cat nap in her class. Gambling is hard work, I need sleep!

Of course we’re both responsible parents now and would never stay too long or hit up our credit cards for cash advances when the stupid dealer pulls a six card 21 after splitting sevens and getting 20 on each. Nor would we drink too much, so we’d be forced to wait for the 5am breakfast special to sober up. Naw, would never happen :) I'm hoping he's up for going to Canterbury, I'd love to get in some live poker before swimming in the fishy waters of the bloggers mixed game.

Thanks for dropping by, now what’s in YOUR wallet? Take out that damn condom already, you're not going to get laid! Sheesh!

Holy Gado Batman!

He is a man of sense who does not grieve for what he has not, but rejoices in what he has.

Epictetus (55-135 AD) Greek Philosopher


Vikings may not have any offense but they have their pride. I’m not sure that last-second field goals completely wipes away the diarrhea-like offensive display put on by the Purple yesterday, but it at least doesn’t leave them with a sore ass. The defense made young Eli look like a rookie again, with the help of some butter-fingered receivers.

It’s a win, outdoors, on grass, away from the Thunderdome. Was it because Zygi was waving the pink slip stick over Tice on the sidelines in case of a 41-0 drubbing? No, it was the Vikings catching a break or two and grunting out a win unlike the Twins and their forty thousand one- run losses this summer.



Edinger? Maybe he should just come out in the last 30 seconds of the game to make field goals. Or have the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket in his ear to pressure him during the non-game winning kicks.

Ride the wave Vikes, I’m still watching.

And who the hell woke up the NFC North yesterday? Betting against them has been my three pound bacon and eggs sammich. Gado Gado Gado!!! Of course the Packers ruined my five pick parlay yesterday when they decided not to toss in the towel after a 1-7 start on the season. Gives me 100 more reasons to hate Farve and the turpentine guzzling fans of Lambeau.

Bastard, retire already.

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Like a good degenerate I played a little poker this weekend with the bloggers for the shootout seat in Vegas at Full Tilt.

A whole four hands worth.

Aces cracked, what’s worst is I knew I was beat but lack the Hellmuth ability to lay them down. Can anyone lay down Aces on a low uncoordinated board?

Its me.

I know you guys can do it without second thought.

Drizz has finally taken the shot to the nuts hard enough of to wake him up about how bad he is playing tournaments. So, after carefully rearranging the furniture in the living room, and a quick Cap’n Coke, I settled down enough to hit up a $1/$2 PLO8 game and make back my entire weekend of losses and get back into the black. God bless the short bus riders with money from tournaments taking shots at games they don’t understand.

But who am I to call them retarded? Surely I get viewed the same way in tournaments when I hold a decent hand that gets shot down by some inane (put number here)-outer. For example, I had a decent shot at a win prior to the blogger shootout with 11 people left in a PLO MTT tourney at Full Tilt holding an above par stack, when I trapped a lower flush into betting all in versus my nut flush.

Then he caught trips, and rivered a full house.

Despite the beat I was still solvent having 7-8BBs left. Then I caught suited aces, raised it up like the weak-tight player I am, chip leader called with Q963, and promptly rivered two pair after calling 1/5th of his stack to my all-in with a pair of nines.

Thank you sir, your play inspires me to lay off the tourneys even more and leave them to people who understand and can comprehend that you need luck to win them. My titanium crusted skull just doesn’t get it and never will. The competitive person in me sees the advantage I have in knowing that K9o is probably not a great hand to play UTG for half your stack early in a tournament. But, the realist in me knows that my chances of winning are just a good as the mouth breathers who need a Kleenex after receiving two suited cards and having one of same suit hit the flop. They know in advance that the runner runner flush is coming.

Yeah I’m whining, what’s new?

I tell Little Drizz not to whine when he wants a package of Shrek fun fruits yet I blather on about a few tourney losses despite a fairly profitable weekend at the tables. Fuckin hypocrite.

I should be rejoicing for what I have at the cash games and in the blogger friends who let me blow off the steam, and not letting a few tournament losses spoil the fun I’m having the cash games.

Speaking of blogger friends… shout out to Al (I’ll be returning your dial-a-shot sometime this week). I believe he’s the first one to attempt to get a pregnant woman in a hospital to toast to the SoCo gods over the phone. The wife happened to be visiting my good friend E at Mercy hospital to celebrate their second spawn, and caught the AlCantHang experience. I really need to keep that phone on down by my desk more often, yesterday was definitely a dial-a-shot type of day.

Thanks for dropping by, now below is a break up email that I’m sure is making its rounds over the internet but I’ll post it here since its got a certain comedy edge to it that reminded me of a pair of Michigan bloggers.

-----Original Message-----
From: [mailto:*******
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 9:50 AM
To: ******Subject: ugh

Brad, It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that Iam truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you.
Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way.
There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just ! feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with.
I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct.
I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined.
It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.
I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great (HAHA).
I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that itwas not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth

The Reply:
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 12:02 PM
Subject: Re: Ugh....enjoy.
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern.
I'll be sure to file it away under "L"for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh?
No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't fark him" somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight.
The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room.
The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate.
Thought you might like to know.

PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,
Brad

Drizz The Greek's Week 10 NFL Picks

Bet against the Vikes today. No team is worst against the Giants/away/outdoors. If there was such a thing as a lock, this is as close as it gets.

I love my Purple People Eaters, but too many factors going against them today, including Love Boat Smoot being out.

Here's some picks that are sure to hurt your wallets today:

2 team parlays:

Pats -3, Giants -9
Cards +3.5, Colts -18.5

5 team parlay:

Panthers -10
Broncos -3.5
Seachickens -7
Falcons -10
Steelers -7.5

Single team bet:

49ers +13 (stop laughing)

3 team 12 point teaser teaser:

Giants +2
Colts -6
Steelers +4.5

I got a squirrel stuck in my chimney with no way getting it out. The poor thing is making some sickly noises :(

Gotta go.

Weekends with Pauly

Out 40th out of 93rd.

Not a great result, but I did manage to put my money in with the worst of it! QQ vs GRob's AA was no gOOt. Again an excellent installment of this four part series, hammers flew with deadly accuracy, once again JoeSpeaker and THG are moping up the competition as they make up two of the final three. Nice job guys! *Update THG = Champ*

I'm a bit lop sided today due to the amount of $2 tequila I managed to consume last night. Drink specials and nubile high school/college chicks bouncing around in their lace g-stings and tight bust inducing baby tees after hitting three pins is what makes bowling worth it every Friday. That and being able to spend a few hours acting like a drunk around my family and friends.

Speaking of drunk family and friends.... is it time to go to Vegas yet? Sigh.

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I'm still dabbling in $1/$2 PLO8 with spotted success. One thing for certain, the aggression factor is set for maniac. $12-$16 to see a flop on most times. Right now it seems tight is right with a spot of timely steals will net you a good profit at these tables. Again my experience is limited to a handful of hours, but this might be the leap I've been needing to take to get past the plateau I've been on for a while. I'm not talking about tournament play, there's no sense in repeating the same boring beat stories over and over. Its repetitive, and not productive. Kinda like a bad gang bang flick, after a while the action is numbing to a point that the shock factor is gone.

Now its time to bone up on the courage and dive into these games knowing I have the bankroll to back up a few poor plays and feeling ok with pushing with a mega-draw, scared money in PLO or PLO8 is worth as much as an old Peso. You're better off giving the gift of money to that crack addict on Hennipin avenue then play these games scared.

Tomorrow Drizz the Greek returns... if moonlight bowling doesn't kick my ass too much tonight.

Thanks for dropping by, now stop playing weak-tight and go drop some hammers!

Day 7: Tournament Challenge "The Quest for Mediocrity"

Close but no cigar.

In the morning I usually wake up to Scott Van Pelt and Karl Ravech explaining what kind of bowel movement T.O. had last night. But instead an infomercial with The Dream Offer bounced up on my screen. It looks like a poor-man’s Girls Gone Wild video and magazine free after you pay only the shipping and handling of course. Think the wife would love a subscription for Christmas?

I do.

CENSORED, TOO HOT FOR TV, flashed across the bodies of these young ladies. How about taking down those words across their chests and letting me decide if it too hot for TV. Women even tease men through a freckin commercial at 4:30am, sigh. It certainly woke me up since the bowl of Kix didn’t do the trick.

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The almost porn reminded me of the almost cashes I had last night while finishing off my self-indulging tournament challenge.

I was satisfied for the first time about my play and the results. Granted I did not cash, but I made it deep into both tournaments that I attempted last night. I managed another nut-nut hand with a straight flush three thru seven and a wheel, but it came early in the tourney, not late when I spent nearly an hour posting and folding due to the horrible cards. When I did try to steal it was met with resistance and bad flops, forcing me to cut and run. I’ve been battling a cold/flu/my head is ringing bug for the past week, so I limited the tourney play to two last night.

This challenge to myself was to journal how much I was losing entering these tournaments as well as post how I’m losing. Granted everyone who’s ever played poker has bad beat stories of woe and despair, but this enabled me to get on black and white my results of my woe and despair. The results are not pretty, but they are honest. There’s no sense in sugar-coating results if you’re trying to learn from your mistakes.

Day 7:

PokerStars PLO8 $10 + $1
PokerStars LO8 $20 + $2 (6 – max tables)

PokerStars PLO8 $10 + $1: My favorite game, so I felt confident that a cash would come my way… until I was left with $234 chips with blinds at $50/$100. Rough start? But, instead of an “aw fuck it” type attitude I took my chip-and-a-chair and managed to win a few all-ins to get to par by the $200/$400 level with nearly T5000 in chips. Rawr. Two ill-advised blind steals went for naught as the chip leaders were ready to call with powerhouse hands like 5677 and 48TJ, unfortunately I didn’t feel my 52:48 edge was enough to take a shot. I opted to try to steal later with 4BBs left with 2466 double suited in late position, but the big blind woke up with a playable hand and knocked me out. Out 32nd out of 277 (27 places paid).

PokerStars LO8 $20 + $2 (6 - max): Stick figure extraordinaire THG joined me for this one. Shorthanded LO8 is a different beast, but the players again were horrible at best. Early on I was lucky enough to have a short bus rider gift me his stack when he failed to read the Omaha rule book concerning the use of two cards from your hand in relation to the board. Broadway was spread across the board, we capped the turn and river, being a nut sitter, I already hit broadway on the turn AQJT showing, his hand? K874. Thank you sir, you have been tagged for the cash games. I’d expect this play at a $1 - $5 tourney, but a $20 tourney???

Oy.

I went card dead for a long time, also got tangled up in a battle of the blinds with a second nut hand for the high and low, when the SB woke up with a nut-nut hand. Ouch. I ended up pushing with K236 and someone woke with suited aces, the board flopped a flush for her, and left blue balls for me. Out 23rd out of 177 (18 places paid).

Final Results of the Tournament Challenge:
Total amount spent (overall): -$341.50
Total amount won (overall): +$83.56
Cash game winning/loses: +$310.00
Balance: +$52.06

Tournament experience plus and a nice sesame chicken dinner for two at P.F. Chang’s. Not a bad way to gain some experience. I know I’ll goof up on calculating these stats, if I do, just correct my helmet wearing self.

Finishes:

PokerStars $20 + $2 SnG: 73 out of 180 (finished 40.5%)
FullTilt $10 + $1 MTT: 234 out of 396 (finished 59.1%)
FullTilt $24 + $2 MTT: 28 out of 54 (finished 51.9%)
PokerStars $20 + $2 SnG: 53 out of 180 (finished 29.4%)
FullTilt $10 + $1 MTT: 13 out of 60 (finished 21.7%)
PartyPoker $5 + $.50 Shootout: 8th out of 10 (finished 80%)
FullTilt $5 + $.50 MTT: 6 out of 30 (finished 20%)
FullTilt $24 + $2 MTT: 102 out of 243 (finished 42%)
PokerStars $10 + $1 MTT: 19 out of 98 (finished 19.4%)
FullTilt $20 $2 MTT: 10 out of 56 (finished 17.9%)
PokerStars $10 + $1: 83 out of 126 (finished 65.9%)
FullTilt $5 + $.50: 46 out of 81 (finished 56.8%)
FullTilt $24 + $2: 17 out of 123 (finished 13.8%)
FullTilt $10 + $1: 11 out of 30 (finished 36.7%)
PokerStars $20 + $2: 83 out of 180 (finished 46.1%)
PokerStars $15 + $1: 3 out of 9 (finished 33.3%)
PokerStars $20 + $2: 83 out of 180 (finished 46.1%)
FullTilt $20 + $2: 5 out of 9 (finished 55.5%)
PokerStars $10 + $1: 2 out of 9 (finished 22.2%)
PokerStars $20 + $2: 23 out of 177 (finished 13%)
PokerStars $10 + $1: 32 out of 277 (finished 11.6%)

Add and dividing gives me an approximate combined placement in the top 37% overall (if you’re a math wizard, I’m sure I got the calculations incorrect) of the 21 tournaments entered in this week. Yes, I suck. Granted the $300+ could have been spent more wisely on say… lap dances in Vegas next month. But, the cash games were kind enough to me this week to give me a scholarship to Tournaments for Dummies 101 and 102.

What now?

I’ll be keep tournaments as leisurely thing to do for now when the cash games fill up with too many nut peddlers like myself and the occasional last longer bets with bloggers (this is something I specialize in winning however). I chronicled several bad beats and the like, but there’s something missing from my tournament play that might be filled by purchasing Harrington’s second book that I’ve heard people raving about.

Until then you’ll find me at the PLO8 cash game tables calculating my odds with my shoes off.

Thanks for dropping by, I will be in my semi-final match with PokerTwitch tonight for the Heads Up Challenge on UB around 8pm central. Drop by to marvel in my weak-tight play if you dare.

From Twenty-Seven to Nine

After watching the WSOP Main Event re-broadcast on ESPN last night I have come to the conclusion that a sterling silver horseshoe logged up one’s (bleached?) posterior region is far more valuable then say getting your money in with a 90% chance to win.

I was quietly taking in the show while Little Drizz was bouncing around the room with the same energy as Bernard Lee while carrying his Thomas the Tank Engine books (excellent background story on Benard found on Otis’ PokerStars Blog). That’s one intense dude and he didn’t need to lose like that.

But “AK” decided to run over the tables with a crafty mix of “dude I could catch a flush!” or “trips are coming, no worries” like your basic $5 SnG maniac. Lemme guess, “AK” typed into his chat box “I thought you had AK dude and would fold, sorry about that” to Raymer. Well… IF he had AK, AK, you were a little behind and why put your tournament life at stake for a 6 outer? I’m sure somewhere on the in-tard-web there’s a explanation to the train of thoughtlessness. At least his shades were pretty cool and he had a subdued celebration after the several suckouts that were shown.

I know these shows are heavily, heavily edited but some of the all-ins reminded me of why I can’t handle playing tournaments. I know you’re only a percentage to win when you put your money in with the best of it, kind of like holding a 19 or 20 vs. a dealer’s 14, 15, or 16 in blackjack. The brutalness of the dealer hitting that perfect card to get 21 leaves a sting and make you wonder if you’ve wronged the card gods by watching midget porn last night.

Then there’s Sheiky.

Wow, I haven’t seen that sort of ego since Ali gave pre-fight press conferences. Again, it may be heavily edited, but the continuous chest-beating “I can beat all of you”? And trying to jaw with Matusow deep into a poker tournament? That’s like skating up to a fully suited up Todd Bertuzzi wearing only your street clothes and starting a fight.

The angle shooting hand that got Mike and himself a penalty… class act sir. First off, Mike was playing the hand, you were not when the flop came out and you announced to the world that you would have gotten a piece of the flop by rapping the table hard. I think telling Sheiky to shut the fuck up was entirely appropriate and didn't deserve the elementary school styled time out. Not only did he compromise the hand by telling the other guy (can’t remember the name) that some of the cards in relation to the flop were dead, he was SHOUTING WHILE THE HAND WAS GOING ON. Karma is a bitch when Matusow finally caught a hand with Sheiky all-in and promptly showed the new 2005 Josh Arieh-punching bag the outer door to Benny Bullpen.

I glad I took the time to watch these entertaining episodes; the real fire of competition came out of the final 27 players. Granted we don’t get to watch the blind steals, the re-raises and moves that didn’t get called, and other things that evolve during a long tournament. But the snippets of the big hands were enough to provide the junior bacon cheeseburger of satisfaction of what went down at Binions. If you want the filet mignon and dessert of brownie alamode story, check out Pauly or PokerProf’s picture recap in their WSOP archives.

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Tonight I will finish up my self-tournament challenge with another 180 person SnG at Stars, and hopefully a mixed game MTT at Full Tilt. I feel making into the money tonight is certain. Big cash? Maybe not, but I’m not concerned about that. What’s the phrase the fish use when delivering a brutal suckout… “I was due”?

Yeah, I’m due and now I’m hungry for some steak damnit.

Thanks for dropping by, now go congratulate Otis and Mt. Dew Virus on yet another big cash in the MTTs at PartyPoker. Congrats guys!

Day 6: Tournament Challenge "The Quest for Mediocrity"

It started with a sniffle of bad beats and ended with a loud sneeze of “WHY ME” after being outdrawn in a cash game. A viral infection of crabbiness mixed with running bad is a sign to walk away. Anyone got a flu shot?

No poker tonight.

I’m going to catch up on WSOP viewing and see what all the hype about Tiffany Williamson is all about with a nice bowl of peppermint bon-bon ice cream and go nowhere near the virtual felt tonight.

Day 6:

PokerStars NLHE $20 +$2 180 person SnG
Full Tilt NLHE $20 + $2 9 person SnG
PokerStars PLO8 $10 + $1 9 person SnG

After the first MTT of the evening I quickly figured that putting money into other MTTs would be a total waste of cash (as if me playing tournaments isn’t already a vortex of dead money). The beats keep coming, and I keep losing. I stayed aggressive, ahead of the blinds, stole when I could, backed off when I knew I was beat but it just wasn’t meant to be once again as I failed to make the first break AGAIN in the 180 person SnG.

You must be playing like shit Drizz.

Quite possible, I can’t explain my horrible track record with MTTs. I could point to the bad beats, but shouldn’t those even out “over time”. Is it possible to run badly for more then six months? The impending doom of any hand where I’m not a favorite by 11:1 gets me ready to hit the “ok” button with the “you’ve finished 178th place, nice going idiot!!” dialog box.

Bad attitude?

Step right up, I got plenty of it. And I have no remedy for it. Books? I suppose some more books may help, but do they really keep me in the game when I get outdrawn night after night? Get over yourself? Done, a looooooong time ago. I don’t see myself as a good player, but I’d love to have just a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down Ms. Poppins.

I follow the Theory of Poker and “play my hand as if the cards were face up”, you WANT to get your money in when you feel like you’re in a dominate position. If I were to play meekly in those situations then I would be costing myself money, correct Mr. Sklansky? When I get my money in with AKs vs . 86o and flop a King, I should be happy, right?

In a few interviews Greg Raymer stresses his ability to make good decisions and not worry about the results. We know tonight he’s going to be tested by this statement with the monster suckout that knocks him out of the tournament after five long days (sorry for the spoiler).

If he can handle it, why can’t I? The answer is probably why I’m a cube monkey, and he’s traveling the poker circuit with a platinum WSOP bracelet on his wrist.

In a cash game, draws are completed without proper odds, but it doesn’t bother me as much because I usually understand the nature of the draw, and why the person did it (in PLO8 that is). I might not like it immediately, but I’ll understand it. Outdraw me in a tournament and I’m bound to tilt, because I don’t understand risking all of those chips as a huge underdog. Whine whine whine.

I tried this challenge to myself to see if it was bad play or bad beats that was preventing me from cashing consistently in MTTs. Even though 20-25 tournaments in a very small sample, it’s a mirror to how bad I’ve been running for the past six or so months with tournaments.

PokerStars NLHE $20 + $2 180 person SnG: Won a close race early with QQ vs. 22, but managed to succumb to the table maniac getting beat with QQ vs. TT, AK vs. KQ, and my favorite AKs vs. 86s after flopping a king and getting beat by rivered trips. Out 83rd out of 180. This tourney was the final straw. I know “look at the long run” and all that jazz, but every person has a breaking point, and I reached mine. Tourneys are done for a long while, unless it’s to have fun with other bloggers.

Full Tilt NLHE $20 + $2 9 person SnG: Ran right into the face of a card rack, who hit his cards while I stood back and looked for a spot. Got AT vs. his KT in for a pre-flop raise with the flop coming out KKQ, no jack for me and I was crippled. I pushed on the button with K8 to see his AK. Out 5th out of 9

PokerStars PLO8 $10 + $1 9 person SnG: Ah, home sweet home. I have forgotten that Stars had regular PLO8 SnGs and decided if I going to steam thru another tourney, I might as well do it with my favorite game. I took 2nd. CASHOLA! Was behind starting heads-up but I couldn’t do much because my opponent was very aggressive and very good about picking his spots. Tip of the cap to him. Out 2nd of 9. Winnings $27.00

Total amount spent (to date): -$308.50
Total amount won (to date): +$83.56
Cash game winning/loses: +$ 275.00
Balance: +$50.06

I will follow through on this challenge tomorrow, playing in one more 180 person SnG and hopefully a mixed game MTT at Full Tilt. Wish me luck and no whammies.

Thanks for dropping by, now check out some of the “new” additions to my blogroll on the right. My apologies for not adding them sooner, but I’m lazy and have trouble breathing and typing at the same time.

Day 5: Tournament Challenge "The Quest for Mediocrity"

Do you hear that?

That’s the sound of all of Drizz’s NFL picks coming in yesterday, except for Steve McCan’ts team losing to lowly Cleveland.

Shame on you!

Replenished sportbook accounts mean I’m freerolling for the next three weeks. I’ll start up my awkward white boy victory dance now.

Why didn’t I wager with a certain Michigan blogger prior to the Vikes/Lions game yesterday? I guess I’ll just have to float in the pool of blissful ignorance to the Vikings problems as they stomped a team with no offense yesterday. O-Line looked like a wrecking ball knocking down the the Lions’ D with the nasty attitude of a two-year old that just got his grape-flavored sucker taken away from him. Not that I’d know how bad those tantrums are of course. SKOL VIKINGS! At least till next week :P

Wish I’d had time to do my usual Drizz the Greek weekend post yesterday, but time was short due to a family poker tournament I helped set up, that included a spread of food Andre the Giant would have had a tough time finishing.

Bacon wrapped mini-hot dogs coated with brown sugar, wings, cookies, cheesy po-ta-toes, BBQ meatballs, four types of cookie bars, and a dash of alcohol if that was your thing. I stuck with water since my head was hurting from downing IM-a-shots with the bloggers the night before. My unspectacular 9th place finish out of 21 came from a blind push with Q4 vs. 53, and once again my grandparents knocked me out. I think I wronged AARP or something, and I’ll have to be extra wary in Decemeber about getting into a pot with the 65 and older crowd.

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Anyone watch Extreme Home Makeover?

C'mon admit you watch this.

Usually I kiss the wife on the cheek and head downstairs to flash my skills of peddling the nuts on the virtual felt, but I decided to take in this show about a mother who adopts children with disabilities and raises them to be independent.

Wow.

I don’t think the best actor/actress could conjure up the feelings they show while visiting the Children’s hospital or building a specially designed piece of furniture. Yeah, it seems cheesy each week with the same format, but why does it reel me in?

It’s the people they help and the sincerity that they do it with.

Sure the sponsors are getting free advertising, and the design crew is getting paid a princely sum, but the winners are those families they give a second chance to. Ty, that bullhorn thing you do every show is just A TAD ANNOYING, but your spirit and heart make up for it. And did anyone check out the wrestler? Holy shit man, that dude dominated. Someone from the WCW or whatever they’re calling it these days, should be trying to sign him up for a cage match with HHH or The Iron Sheik.

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Day 5:

Full Tilt NLHE WPBT Live Tourney Shootout $10 + $1
PokerStars $20 + $2 NLHE 180 person SnG
PokerStars $15 + $1 NLHE turbo SnG

I had to fudge a little bit with the final SnG instead of a MTT because I was falling asleep in front of the monitor, in fact if a certain GQ model wasn’t kicking some donkey ass at the $8K guarantee on Full Tilt and providing me with more tourney pointers, I might fell out of my chair from exhaustion.

Full Tilt NLHE WPBT Live Tourney Shootout $10 + $1: Chip leader early, chip leader half way thru, out 11th. I didn’t get passive, but coin flips were the death of me once again as I went 0 fer 3 with AK. I did manage one suckout with KJ vs. Derek’s JJ a flopping broadway, but it wasn’t meant to be. I flopped top two with AKs vs. Gracie’s JJ, she rivered a four flush. You need to get lucky at the right time, including the coin flips, because you can only steal so many blinds before you get played back at. Congrats to birthday boy CJ and Bill Fillmaff disciple -EV who are the first two bloggers to make the final table in Vegas. There was some damn good poker being played at the final table, excellent job guys! 11th out of 30.

PokerStars $20 + $2 NLHE 180 person SnG: I could whine a river about the bad beats here… so I will. KK vs. AK, Ace flops. QQ vs. KJ when I re-raised, King flops and a continuation bet was pissing away money since his screen did not contain a fold button while calling down three other hands with second and third pair, too passive here? Out 83rd out of 180. Missed opportunities indeed, because I doubled up on the first hand when another fancy play Rembrandt limped with AA into five people and I flopped trips and rivered a boat with KT in the unraised BB. Well played sir.

PokerStars $15 + $1 NLHE turbo SnG: CASHOLA! Started aggressive, stayed aggressive. Backed off when the monkeys were flinging poo at each other and took my chip and a chair late in the tourney from 5th to a cashing at 3rd. The button pushed every orbit so I made my stand with A9 in the SB… to see him turn over the Hiltons. Nice job Drizz. 3rd out of 9. Winnings $27.00

Total amount spent (to date): -$253.50
Total amount won (to date): +$56.56
Cash game winning/loses: +$350.00 (approximate)
Balance: +$153.06

I hit my first true nut-nut hand in PLO8, nailing a straight flush plus a wheel at BoDog. Got a ¾th but with three people stacking off it was still very profitable. Also, managed smaller wins at Bet365 (they’re giving away $10 per 50 hands raked again this month) and Full Tilt. I’m loosing up my starting hand requirements for these tables since many times people are betting heavily with straights on flush boards, flushes on paired boards, and showing down 3rd or 4th nut lows. Nut peddle to the metal baby… and an occasional steal ;)

Thanks for dropping by, now go check out Sir Waffle’s tips on playing internet blackjack. He won Pauly’s tournament this weekend so he’ll have some more virtual chips to double down with.

Day 3 and 4 Tournament Challenge: "The Quest for Mediocrity"

A little late with my posting but being a parent and a tournament director for a family home game takes some time away from the poker playing :)

Day 3:

PokerStars: Limit Omaha 8 or better $10 + $1
Full Tilt: H.O.R.S.E. $5 + $.50
Full Tilt: NLHE $24 + $2

Limit Omaha 8 or better $10 + $1: 83rd out of 126, card death early and didn't play very well as I got impatient when the blinds escalated. Some very bad play by the chip leaders, but they could afford to hit their runner-runner lows and flushes. It is a drawing game, so they draw, and won!

H.O.R.S.E. $5 + $.50: Never had a chance here, the blinds go up very quickly in this game and I didn't catch early, aggression was turned aside like a used condom. Out 46th of 81

NLHE $24 + $2: CASHOLA! Left on a runner runner flush suckout but, the cash was mine all mine! 17th out of 123 Winnings $29.52

Total amount spent (to date): -$140.00
Total amount won (to date): +$29.56
Cash Game winning/loses (to date): +$40.00
Balance: -$70.44

Cash games hurt as I got a little restless with AK in NLHE and played a low in PLO (clicked on the wrong game AGAIN!


Day 4:

Full Tilt Stud High/Low $5 + $.50: Final Table but no mOOlah, played aggressively passive and had to take my shots in spurts. Lost with Jackd Up to a rivered anti-christ. 6th out of 30

Full Tilt NLHE $24 + $2: KK crippled me on the second hand early vs. AT and 44??? Pre-flop, yes he rivered the ace. But I took my chip and a chair all the way past the break to lose a coin flip. Out 102 out of 243

Weekend with Pauly $10 + $1: Took my 59o blind steal suckout early all the way to 19th out of 98, losing AKs vs. AQs, yes a queen flopped. Dem are da breaks! Awesome fun though with bloggers and readers duking it out for the iPod nano to be given to the top point getter over the next couple of weeks.

Full Tilt $20 + $2 Pot Limit Omaha: Went out on a draw late in the action, missing the final table, but managed to snag $8 from the other bloggers in the tourney, does this count as "winnings"?

Total amount spent (to date): -$204.50
Total amount won (to date): +$29.56
Cash Game winning/loses: +$230.00
Balance: +$55.06

Cash games came back in a big way for me, and wiped out all the loses from yesterday's black hole of tilt and second bests.

I know the pokery stuff isn't for everyone, but I need to see just how much I'm pissing away playing tourneys. Its a rather shocking amount at this point.

Day 2: Tournament Challenge "The Quest for Mediocrity"

Quick post since I'm at home today and Little Drizz is insisting I serve as a pinsetter so he can bowl.

Stars NLHE $20+$2 180 man/woman SnG
Full Tilt Stud Hi/Low $10/$1
Party NLHE shootout $5+$.50

Total amount spent (to date): $97.50
Total amount won (to date): Zero squared
Cash Game winning/loses (to date): $120.40
Balance: +$22.90

PokerStars $20+$2: Once again I ran into a table that defined all logic with 5-6 people calling my UTG raises, continuation bets don't faze them either when you have a gutshot or runner runner flush draw! (Out 53rd out of 180)

Full Tilt Stud Hi/Low $10+$1: Had a decent stack, but was crippled by hitting Aces up on 5th, and not being able to fold to the other guy's boat. (13th out of 60)

PartyPoker $5+$.50 NLHE shootout: Bang bang, Drizz is dead running AK into KK TWICE. Oh the humanity! The HORROR! Shocking! (Placed 8th at the first table)

At least the cash games have been kind enough to provide a buffer for this run of tourneys. With the help of some kind bloggers, I'm learning to be more patience on the tables while short-stacked, and take more calculated risks.

Tomorrow.... First cash!! Whoo-Whoo! See you tomorrow morning at Pauly's tourney!

Day 1: Tournament Challenge "The Quest for Mediocrity"

$20 + $2 180 person SnG (PokerStars)
$10+ $1 396 person NLHE MTT (Full Tilt)
$24 + $2 Satellite for the weekend $216 Tournament (Full Tilt)

Total amount spent: -$59.00
Total amount won: $0.00
Cash Game winnings/losses (used to defray the cost of the tournaments if possible): +$52.36
Balance: -$6.64

Do you notice a donut? I do. My first night’s foray into the land of MTTs was met with the resistance of the Detroit Piston’s defense with a side of a couple of NHL enforcers. I did continue my perfect streak of losing coin flips though, I can always count on that. Let’s read some of the action.

$20 + $2 180 person SnG (PokerStars): This one started in good fashion, up to the first break. Raises were acknowledged, continuation bets got multiple people to fold, and I managed to chip up to T2125 without really big cards. After the break I managed to steal a couple of blinds and chip up to ~T2600 with 73 runners left in tournament. Looking down at Kings I make my standard weird 3XBB raise which is popped all-in by a solid player in MP. Since my name isn’t Phil Helmuth, I call to see I’m in good shape vs. AKo…. until an ace hits the turn. IGHN. Just a beat, no more, no less, no more chips. Out 73rd out of 180.

Disappointed I checked my email to cool off for about 30 seconds before the next tournament. Whoa! Penny stocks being offered that will triple my net financial value?!!?! Free Viagra!?!? Naked College Sluts strip just for me?!!?! The one college slut turned me off with Arizona Wildcats t-shirt however. ASU > Tucson Titties

$10 + $1 NLHE MTT (Full Tilt): Standard ol’ MTT with 396 runners. I didn’t even make the break. One thing that’s disturbing about Full Tilt’s tournaments is that raises get no respect most of the time. AJ shot down by Q4s, hitting two pair on the turn after calling my value bet of 2/3rd of the pot and five people calling my pre-flop raise. Down to push and pray depths, I run QT into Presto and he hits a runner runner four flush. But luckily he had less chips then me! I chip back up to ~T1000 and politely run my sevens into ATo… that rivered an ace. IGHN. Out 234th out of 396

Luckily some fellow bloggers were on Yahoo IM to ignore my usual mistyping, misspelling banter and they kept me in good spirits as I tried my last MTT of the evening.

$24 + $2 MTT Satellite for the weekend $215 tournament (Full Tilt): A celebrity was at my table that I wasn’t expecting. He was gracious enough to pop in and leave after two hands and let me keep my chips for a different monkey avatar. AQ in LP and I pop it for 4XBB and get Six. Fuckin. Callers. Ooooooooook. Flop comes out JT9, when its checked around I try a continuation bet, called by the guy with the guido avatar, the rest fold. We check it down and he turns up the nut straight. Yep AQ vs. KQ. Wonderful. I spy Otis all-in on a huge draw with two overs and the nut-flush draw, but it doesn’t pan out for him. I get whittled down to 5BBs and push with 22, get called by someone with 88 who just showed down AA and KK the last two hands. Hey I lost while being behind! This gets me all warm and tingly, kinda like the feeling after watching a Girls Gone Wild infomercial. I’d rather run KK into AA then get hit with the donkey truck while ahead. Out 28th out of 54 (this placement may be wrong I'll have to re-check).

The play in the MTT satellite was horrid, I can see why people want to take shots here when the play emulated a $5 SnG. As for the $20 SnG, those are juicy as hell as well. If you have the bankroll (and don’t blow it on internet blackjack all in one night) I suggest hitting up a couple of these.

And I know everyone H-A-T-E-S hand histories (and I lied that I wouldn't post any, SORRY!), but this is a journal of how I'm winning/getting knocked out of MTTs and I need some background to go back on. Thank you for your patience, you may lower your tray from the upright position and the stewardess will be by with your snack and hand job soon.


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Heads Up Challenge:

Tonight, the Elite Eight featured the Gophers facing the Illni in a Big Ten match that was sure to leave a few bruises as most Big Ten games do.

Clem Haskins came back after doing all of the player’s homework and managed to rally his troops to a 2-1 victory.

I’m not sure how I won, or why, except the very generous praises I’ve received from both opponents have been encouraging. Not to mention DP’s shocking revelation that he’d also seen the Lifetime TV-movie “The Burning Bed”. I thought I was the only one subjected to such TV garble growing up. Hmmmm I thought Mrs. Keaton was the battered wife, not Charlie's Angel. Oh well.

Not sure who I play next but look out for Drizz’s patented weak-rock-turnaround jumper from 3 point land styled play. Not even Melvin Newbern, Richard Coffey, or Kevin Lynch could defend it. Yeah I like Gopher Basketball more then the Wolves, no idea why, it just is.

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Anyone else from Minnesota dance around outside in the multi-colored leaves yesterday? Wow, 70s in November!! Of course there's a chance of snow by Saturday to remind us the severity of the weather swings in this state. Go from bathing suit to snow suit all in one week!

Thanks for dropping by, now if you haven't signed up for Pauly and Bill's weekend blogger tournaments ask the doctor to politely reverse your lobotomy and SIGN UP!