Monday, November 14, 2005

Holy Gado Batman!

He is a man of sense who does not grieve for what he has not, but rejoices in what he has.

Epictetus (55-135 AD) Greek Philosopher

Vikings may not have any offense but they have their pride. I’m not sure that last-second field goals completely wipes away the diarrhea-like offensive display put on by the Purple yesterday, but it at least doesn’t leave them with a sore ass. The defense made young Eli look like a rookie again, with the help of some butter-fingered receivers.

It’s a win, outdoors, on grass, away from the Thunderdome. Was it because Zygi was waving the pink slip stick over Tice on the sidelines in case of a 41-0 drubbing? No, it was the Vikings catching a break or two and grunting out a win unlike the Twins and their forty thousand one- run losses this summer.

Edinger? Maybe he should just come out in the last 30 seconds of the game to make field goals. Or have the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket in his ear to pressure him during the non-game winning kicks.

Ride the wave Vikes, I’m still watching.

And who the hell woke up the NFC North yesterday? Betting against them has been my three pound bacon and eggs sammich. Gado Gado Gado!!! Of course the Packers ruined my five pick parlay yesterday when they decided not to toss in the towel after a 1-7 start on the season. Gives me 100 more reasons to hate Farve and the turpentine guzzling fans of Lambeau.

Bastard, retire already.


Like a good degenerate I played a little poker this weekend with the bloggers for the shootout seat in Vegas at Full Tilt.

A whole four hands worth.

Aces cracked, what’s worst is I knew I was beat but lack the Hellmuth ability to lay them down. Can anyone lay down Aces on a low uncoordinated board?

Its me.

I know you guys can do it without second thought.

Drizz has finally taken the shot to the nuts hard enough of to wake him up about how bad he is playing tournaments. So, after carefully rearranging the furniture in the living room, and a quick Cap’n Coke, I settled down enough to hit up a $1/$2 PLO8 game and make back my entire weekend of losses and get back into the black. God bless the short bus riders with money from tournaments taking shots at games they don’t understand.

But who am I to call them retarded? Surely I get viewed the same way in tournaments when I hold a decent hand that gets shot down by some inane (put number here)-outer. For example, I had a decent shot at a win prior to the blogger shootout with 11 people left in a PLO MTT tourney at Full Tilt holding an above par stack, when I trapped a lower flush into betting all in versus my nut flush.

Then he caught trips, and rivered a full house.

Despite the beat I was still solvent having 7-8BBs left. Then I caught suited aces, raised it up like the weak-tight player I am, chip leader called with Q963, and promptly rivered two pair after calling 1/5th of his stack to my all-in with a pair of nines.

Thank you sir, your play inspires me to lay off the tourneys even more and leave them to people who understand and can comprehend that you need luck to win them. My titanium crusted skull just doesn’t get it and never will. The competitive person in me sees the advantage I have in knowing that K9o is probably not a great hand to play UTG for half your stack early in a tournament. But, the realist in me knows that my chances of winning are just a good as the mouth breathers who need a Kleenex after receiving two suited cards and having one of same suit hit the flop. They know in advance that the runner runner flush is coming.

Yeah I’m whining, what’s new?

I tell Little Drizz not to whine when he wants a package of Shrek fun fruits yet I blather on about a few tourney losses despite a fairly profitable weekend at the tables. Fuckin hypocrite.

I should be rejoicing for what I have at the cash games and in the blogger friends who let me blow off the steam, and not letting a few tournament losses spoil the fun I’m having the cash games.

Speaking of blogger friends… shout out to Al (I’ll be returning your dial-a-shot sometime this week). I believe he’s the first one to attempt to get a pregnant woman in a hospital to toast to the SoCo gods over the phone. The wife happened to be visiting my good friend E at Mercy hospital to celebrate their second spawn, and caught the AlCantHang experience. I really need to keep that phone on down by my desk more often, yesterday was definitely a dial-a-shot type of day.

Thanks for dropping by, now below is a break up email that I’m sure is making its rounds over the internet but I’ll post it here since its got a certain comedy edge to it that reminded me of a pair of Michigan bloggers.

-----Original Message-----
From: [mailto:*******
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 9:50 AM
To: ******Subject: ugh

Brad, It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that Iam truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you.
Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way.
There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just ! feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with.
I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct.
I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined.
It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.
I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great (HAHA).
I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that itwas not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.

The Reply:
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 12:02 PM
Subject: Re: Ugh....enjoy.
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern.
I'll be sure to file it away under "L"for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh?
No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't fark him" somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight.
The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room.
The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate.
Thought you might like to know.

PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,

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