Often there are times in which you look back at decisions you made in life. Watching your offspring running around in circles in attempts to get dizzy. Seeing a movie that reflects an event in your journey towards adulthood (everyone relates to Old School this way, right?). Or tipping back a couple of beers with your best friend and talking until 1:30am, even when you need to get up in three hours to go to work.
Me and Burnsie have this conversation about every six or seven months. Chatting about what could have been, and how lucky we are to get to where we are now (both happily married with kids). Stories about how a couple of quick decisions to not persue a sexual temptation later opened the road to a date and relationship with our future wives. Kind of like those books where it told you to turn to page 87 if you choose to open the red door and page 45 if you choose the blue door. Our time in college was like that. I am sure most people can look back at their lives and the parties they attended and pick out a few times they either regreted their decision and live with it, or the decision changed their entire adult life. Luckily for me, my decisions were fairly easy, except one regarding an ex-girlfriend who I still hold a place in my heart for. She was and still is one woman who understood me since we were so much alike at the time and possibly still are. I love my wife with all my heart, but every once in a while I reflect to think, what if I wasn't such idiot in college and knew more about relationships and how they work, if I would have a different woman sleeping besides me at night. I had found the right person at the wrong time in my life, but things happen for a reason, right? Of course they do, I now have everything I need to feel complete (except maybe the buy-in to the WSOP Main Event, a bigger iPod, and a box of Krispy Kremes).
Me and Burnsie chatted over some Coors Light and Old Style (hey it was on special and it was good!) till the wee hours of this morning. The chat reminded me of a time in my life that shows me how much I've grown over the past ten years (as these chats always do). Instead of being an angry at the world for my disabilities and allowing my depression to prevent me from enjoy the finer things in life, I enjoy getting up in the morning. True, I'm still a push over for the most part, but I do it with an air of confidence now. I finally have the self-esteem that I can look in the mirror in the morning and like what I see (minus the mini-keg strapped around my waist, I'm old but I'm working on it! Bonus points if you get the SNL referrence).
I write in this blog because of times like this that I want to transfer my feelings onto a page and perhaps reflect upon it, not dwell, at a later time. Granted most of my posts will be my sarcastic exploits of grass cutting, potty training, and playing online poker in suburbia. But once in a while I'll throw a curveball (my best pitch in high school) and put up some words from the heart that describe the inner-struggles that every person goes through.
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Damn no sex tonight :(