Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Drivin' My Life Away

Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a better way, for me
Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a sunny day

- Eddie Rabbit Drivin My Life Away

I know I'll catch some flak for inserting this song into the heads of some bloggers/readers this morning but TOO BAD! Its stuck in my head since my wife listens to the country station's morning show so I wanted to share the wealth. You can thank me with wet t-shirt contest photos. Send them to: hrking275@yahoo.com thank you kindly.

Are you "drivin' your life away" if your happy? I have a loving wife, a healthy child, a house, a car, the new 2006 BetUS swimsuit calendar (WOW!), and a job that pays a decent enough wage so I can afford the frozen hash brown patties I enjoy for breakfast in the morning while watching Sportscenter.

Why do I feel like I should be doing something more? Constantly looking for bigger and better things, yet being happy with status quo. No, I do not want to become a super-blogger like Otis, Pauly, or Iggy and get paid/endorsed to blog. Remember there's a reason why I received a single-digit score on my ACT English test.

In between "passing out" and puking at parties that will not be named, we write about a card game that has banded the oddest of people together. A professional player, newscasters, attorneys, IT g33<, computer programmers, accountants, college professors, actress, musicians... all sorts of different walks of life coming together to write about their lives and their struggles with this card game.

My particular struggle is "where I am at?" as I've stated quite a few times recently. Should I be looking for higher stakes games despite a bankroll that's been stagnant for several months now? I win a little, then lose a little, win a stack or two, then lose it the next night. I feel like I'm chasing my own tail despite learning more about the game through excellent book recommendations and of course... playing as often as time will allow. I am not bored with playing, in fact the game becomes more and more interesting with every poker book/blog/forum I read and re-read. But beating the game at the level I am playing at has become the holy grail that I haven't been able to grasp.

Is it game selection? Wrong moves at the wrong limits? Watching too much sybian lesbian porn while playing?

My nagging comes from not wanting to become that community TV broadcaster who's been doing the sports segment for the past 12+ years and hasn't "moved up". I watched him during a Sportscenter commerical outlining the high school sports that have just started their fall practices and remember getting interviewed by the same guy after my tryout with the Pittsburgh Pirates a long long time ago. He still came across like he enjoyed his line of work and was happy with where he was. Whether or not it was "acting" I'm not sure, but at least he appeared to be happy. Each time I hear him reporting Maple Grove's chances in football this season, I wonder if there was something holding him back from pursuing an major network affillate job. Family? No confidence? Not having movie star good looks like some slick haired, unnamed table manaics?

So why haven't I started to play in the $20+ tourneys and $200NL tables with regularity despite having the bankroll to cover it? The tourneys, I just don't have the time to sit down for a 4-5 hour tourney during the summer. Especially since I'm never home on the weekends and when I do try to play a late night tourney during the week I find myself too tired to function the next morning. As for the cash game... I don't feel comfortable facing a $75 re-raise holding the third nuts on a coordinated board yet. At that level I'm still looking at the money, not the checks. Rather then play scared I play at the $100 level where I'm comfortable (not happy) losing a stack or two while making the play that I feel is correct.

Do I blame a lack of balls or family for my stagnant bankroll? Ego-wise it would be easy to place blame on family obligations, but I believe there's a nagging itch that if I deplete my bankroll while taking a shot at higher stakes then there's no more poker, and probably no more annoying readers of this blog with 80's pop tunes and mildly amusing pop culture quips.

No nads it is.

I just need to man-up if I want to find that sunny day or start accepting that I'm happy and to enjoy where I am like that community channel 12 sportscaster.

Thanks for dropping by, now if you've ever been on the wrong side of a blowout in sports, you can feel for these ladies. Yikes.

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