Friday, July 29, 2005

Quick Jot

Ok, if eggs are in a little tray thing in the fridge, am I supposed to own which ones are older then the rest? No, none of them were clucking at me.

DC vs. Chelsa - color me a new fan of soccer, I watched almost the whole thing and didn't feel like channel surfing. Could someone tell me if DC put up a good fight or if Chelsa dominated? It seemed like a tight game.

Chad - your Stars icon sucks balls, change it.

Joe - It will get better, if not we can still share some dial-a-shots :)

Off to the cabin and drunken quarter casino night!!!

Yes, Even A Donkey Can Win A Seat

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Thursday, July 28, 2005

My Name is Mudd

My name is Mud
Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis
My name is mud and it's always been
- Primus "My Name is Mudd"

And I just got off the phone with a "customer service specialist (CSS)" at my doctor's office. I was making an appointment for Wyatt (Little Drizz) and his two year check up.

Me: Hi, I would like to make an 2 year check up appointment for my son
CSS: And his name?
Me: Wyatt A***
CSS: And your name?
Me: David
CSS: And your last name
Me: its the same as his (what else did you expect it to be genius?, look who paying for the insurance)
CSS: And what is the same
Me: My last name is the same as my son's
CSS: And what's your son's name?
Me: Wyatt A***
CSS: Ok, please hold (sound of keyboard clacking in the background)
CSS: What is your son's DOB?
Me: 08/07/03
CSS: And what will you be bring him in for?
Me: His two year check up and shots if needed
CSS: You mean his one year check up?
Me: No, he was born in 2003 making him 2 years old next week
CSS: So, do you want the one year check up or the two year?
Me: (Mumble to myself: what is he a frickin car and what the fuck did you smoke at lunch?) No, ma'am I'd like him to get his 2 year check up
CSS: Ok, and what day would you like this on?
Me: This friday (July 29th...) if possible in the morning
CSS: Great! I'll make the appointment for August 5th at 10am
Me: That's fine, thanks for the help (mumble: asshat)


I think similarly intelligent people hopped into my space of online poker last night because I had a winning session (keep it on the down low yo). Yes, JTs and 77 are AWESOME hands to push all in pre-flop on in a cash game! The deck hit me, the LAGs paid me off, pure and simple. Nut peddle to the metal. But, I'm still learning how to NOT try to push people off hands that won't fold. Why the hell do I continue to do it? Flush card hits, I come over the top of calling station who holds only middle pair yet still get called down. Unfortunately, I'm playing at a level ($100max) where nut peddling is the road to success. Its boring poker, yes, but profitable and lets you keep your sanity.

Now more then ever I need to find some verbage to get my brain to fire a command to my itchy internet finger (STOP SEMI-BLUFFING THE CALLING STATION). If there's a good psychological book out there (Theory of Poker? Tao of Poker? Chicken Soup for the Gambling Soul? ) send me a message. I made some cash from Suckout's video poker bonus and would like to apply said profit to some poker books. Felicia has suggested for cost, which look very attractive much like the Susan Powter (when did Susan get her hair back???) look-a-like.

I heard through certain A's loving, ex-Reds smoking, Metrosexual dressing folk that my site has a shitty format for long posts (and I agreed with his assessment).

I suck at the internet.

So.... I'm looking for someone who can re-format my site WITHOUT LOSING THE CONTENT! I'm not sure how much this would cost to do (yes, I'm a sucker take meh money). But, I'm not looking for an overhaul, just make the site easier to read maybe a coolio nickel and dimes pic for the header.

I'm heading up to the cabin again this weekend, so no poker once again unless the wife drops me off (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) at Grand Casino along the way. Or, I'll have to put up with drinking too much and playing golf all weekend. Darn.

Thanks for dropping by, now here's a gross tidbit I read from Maxim magazine this morning... Sweden made beastiality legal in 1944. Maybe Daddy could fly overseas to teach an advanced Donkey fucking course to all those shy Swedish farmers. Have a good weekend folks!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

100 Things You Wish You Didn't Know About The Author

I've been putting this list off because I'm a lazy but carrying 160 pounds of rock salt across a supermarket parking lot woke me up this morning!

1) I'm 6'4" and have stopped growing vertically since I was 25, laterally on the other hand....
2) I could eat a McGriddle for breakfast, Leeann Chin's seasame chicken w/cream cheese puffs for lunch, and Angeno's tortellini with alfredo sauce and shrimp (don't forget the oversized cheese bread) every day and never get sick of it
3) I am high-pitched deaf in both ears, which is the reason for my lisping sometimes, can't pronounce what you can't hear
4) I had a surgery to clip the ligament connecting the tongue to the bottom of my mouth to help me speak more clearly (if really want to see, its pretty gross), this does have its... um advantages though
5) I was born and raised in Minnesota and will probably die here as well. What can I say, I love a place that you can get sunburnt and frostbiten all in the same day!
6) I lived in Arizona for one year while attending Arizona State University
7) I moved back to Minnesota due to my roommates and lack of self-esteem at the time, not the college, and not the weather (maybe a self-pity post sometime in the future)
8) There's a scar between my chin and cheek from a dog bite I got in junior high school, after the 15 stitches to my face and 8 stitches to my neck the doctor said there would be no scar (thanks doc!)
9) Number 9 is my most favorite number in the whole wide world, I will play 99 at the poker table like aces
10) I dislike dogs and am generally afraid of them due to being bitten by "non-aggressive" dogs (according to their owners) four times
11) I have fallen in love three times in my life, luckily I live with one of them
12) My favorite authors are Stephen King, John Sanford, and R.A. Salvatore
13) I have hit a golf ball 400 yards, a softball 400 feet but for the life of me I can't hit a jump shot to save my life
14) I used to play Class "C" USSSA softball and Class "A/AA" USVBA volleyball every single night during the summer and can still play at a competitive level but choose to spent time with the family now
15) Five years ago I got hurt at work, causing seizures and various unknown neurological problems that still hinder me today
16) I scored a 9 on the English part of my ACT test and was told I had to re-take the test at ASU the day before Freshman Comp started I needed a 20 to pass to prevent taking a remidal course. I scored a 20 by one question while hungover after drinking for two weeks straight at the dorms.
17) I have one brother and one sister and they both still live within 20 minutes of my house which is 2 minutes from where we all grew up
18) My HS girlfriend committed suicide two weeks after I started college (we were broken up several month prior to this)
19) Even though I love computers and video games, I am tone-deaf stupid while using them and other electronic "gadgets"... hence the iDiot comment yesterday
20) I will kick your ass at Galaga, Ms. Pac-Man, and Pinball, if I offer a wager in an arcade, walk away
21) My fat cat's name is Garfunkel (Funky for short), Simon is owned by my sister-in-law who's married to my best friend Burnsie
22) I'll eat corn and peas, any other veggies are not allowed to be on my plate
23) I have used the wrong bathroom by accident in public places more then once, women's bathrooms are sooooooooo much nicer
24) I have gambled for 24 hours straight, taken a college final exam, then headed back to the casino (90 minute drive... if you're driving just a little over the speed limit)
25) Due to the work accident I cannot spell any word (numbers are fine) backwards without seizing up
26) My favorite sports memories: Throwing a no-hitter in high school and scoring the winning goal for district finals in triple overtime in hockey
27) I have worked for the same company for 12 years and do not plan on leaving
28) I do not have a driver's license any longer
29) I will be celebrating my fifth wedding anniversary next week, our son was born two days after our third anniversary
30) If I match my shirt with my pants and put on two socks that match its a good day, whatever the opposite of Metrosexual is, that's me
31) After getting a "C" in a ninth grade Art class in Jr. High I quit worrying about my grades (I was a straight "A" student prior to this), I am NOT an artistic person but deeply in respect of those who can paint/draw
32) I switched HS English classes so I could watch Star Trek and Dirty Dancing for class assignments instead of reading/learning Shakespeare (watching Blade Runner at home was the final exam my senior year)
33) Don't ever try to feed me a cold sandwich, ever
34) 80's and some 90's metal and hair band music is the best, to say otherwise is demented
35) I have sold a character on Dark Age of Camelot to start what is now my poker bankroll, that character even a year+ without being played is still the highest ranked in his class on his server
36) I used to play Dark Age of Camelot for 12 hours straight without even blinking, and feel sorry for the damage it did to my marriage and social life
37) There are three things I will do before I die: Play at the WSOP, Visit Germany during Oktoberfest, and see a match at Wimbledon in person (hopefully Centre Court)
38) I once faked being sick for a week to watch Wimbledon at home on HBO
39) Lindsay Lohan will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine [/Wayne's World]
40) I like to fish but can't tie a hook to save my life
41) Ron White, Denis Leary, and Sam Kinison make me laugh
42) Somedays I just can't relax, even while fishing or on a golf course, give me a drink on these days
43) I will drink any alcoholic beverage with one exception no Pepper Vodka and/or Tomato Juice
44) My favorite drink is Captain Morgan and Coke, a close second is an Amaretto Sour
45) I am a hard worker, getting motivated to start working is a different story though
46) Despite a screwed up shoulder I can still throw an 80+ mph fastball, and I once tried out for the Pittsburgh Pirates
47) I have one ultimate fear in my life, I do not want to outlive my son or any future spawns
48) Do not ask me to use a tool and fix something, I will look at you like you're speaking Greek and possibly laugh at you
49) I will help you lift, carry, or stack anything just don't ask me to put together a desk or home entertainment system
50) In college I worked at Jack In The Box for three days, spilling hot coffee on myself was the last straw
51) I am the only person to talk back to my wife while she managed the kitchen at a nursing home, other workers stood there with the mouths open in amazement. She was being a bitch and I let her know that
52) My HS baseball coach had to add 15 pounds to my listing on the state baseball tournament program because 120 pounds at 6'2" seemed a little too skinny
53) The sexiest thing in the world is a woman wearing nothing but a long jersey or t-shirt with her hair down
54) On reflective days I wonder what life would be like if I'd had made just two different decisions or not been such a sex-crazed idiot in high school and college
55) I have cried during movies
56) My dream car is a midnight blue Stingray Corvette (unfortunately I'd need auto transmission because I'm a tard who can't drive a stick)
57) I can cook an awesome breakfast, but due to the wife I've never attempted lunch or dinner besides things that can be unwrapped and thrown into the microwave, being corrected with every measuring and ingredient added makes me give up
58) I pimped out my 85' Nova compact in HS with 2X12" subwoofers, tweeters, and a couple of amps and thought I was cool
59) My eyesight is 220/20 in one eye and not much better in the other, my glasses are a patented thrill ride if you've been drinking
60) I once drove off the side of a large hill ala Dukes of Hazard style when I misjudged a county road in Wisconsin, going 70 mph, my passengers were not amused but the people driving behind us were!
61) I put Triscuits on my bridal/groomal?? registry list (we got six boxes) and my wife had her "practice" bouquet made out of them... I like Triscuits a lot (not those fat-free or "cheese" flavored ones though)
62) Things that must be eaten at the Minnesota State Fair... Cheese curds, deep fried oreos, funnel cake, box of freshly made french fries, and a chocolate malt from the Kiwanis club
63) I once took my HS girlfriend to the state fair after ear surgery with my ears wrapped up in bandages, it was not a fun time since I was basically deaf from all the blood drainage
64) If progressive height continues in my family Little Drizz will be around 6'8"
65) I have only dated women that are over 6' tall or shorter then 5'3"
66) I find watching idiots while my wife shops to be therapeutic and educational, otherwise I'd never go with her
67) My biggest pet peeve in the world is... taking food off my plate. If you want to see how quick I can backhand your face, just try to take that BW3's teriyaki wing off my plate, I dare you
68) When I retire, I plan on living close to a casino to become one of those crabby old rocks at the $2/$4 poker table with my "Where's My Damn Senior Discount" t-shirt tucked into my golf pants that are pulled up to my moobs (while sipping on a Cap'nCoke of course)
69) Gotta put something sexual here... three women I'd most want to have sex with Lindsay Lohan, Gaberielle Reece, and Christy Canyon
70) Never ask me to wrap a birthday or Christmas present, I will go from happy to pissed off dickhead in .3 seconds after trying to apply wrapping paper to a gift. That's what tissue paper and gift bags were invented for
71) I will sit and watch any poker show that graces the TV, even if I've seen it 10,000 times
72) My favorite movies are Rounders, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Tombstone (yes Little Drizz got his name from a particular law man in this movie)
73) Drizztdj is two parts Drizzt and dj: Drizzt is a drow ranger famous in the Forgotten Realms books and since there's 10 million other Drizzt fanbois in the MMORPG world, I added my first and middle name as initials on the end
74) I am an extremely competitive person and will get pissed at myself if I'm playing a sport and not performing well... unless I've been drinking which I did before any volleyball tourney to loosen the fuck up
75) I once bowled 11 out of 12 strikes in a league game despite barely being able to see or walk straight, two for ones kick my ass
76) I cashed in my first ever live poker tournament at Canterbury four years ago. It was a 7-CARD STUD tourney with 120 people in it (only the final table cashed)
77) You can call me Dave, David, Drizz, drunken idiot, dumbass calling all-in with 99... if you call me Davey I will punch you in the mouth and tell you about the nasty things I did to your mother last night
78) I can still hit a quick spike straight down before the 10 foot line
79) I have big ears and big feet, clown jokes are acceptable since there's nothing I can do about it
80) My happy place is any bridge overlooking the Vegas strip just watching the cars, casinos, and porn slappers
81) Reading to my son is a very relaxing, taking him to a restaurant is not
82) The Frontier is the WORST (even worst then the Plaza) hotel I've stayed in while visting Vegas (I've been there once or twice every year for 8 years, different hotel everytime).
83) Poker bloggers are the best people I've met outside of my tight group of friends, and I can't wait till we all meet again
84) Despite my rantings, the wife makes me a better person and I love her for it
85) I once stopped during a 10K race to let my friends catch up so we could all finish together (I was leading by a wide margin at the time)
86) I quit smoking eight years ago, but love smoking a cigar once in awhile
87) I danced with more women during my bachelor party then I have at any point in my life, I just wish I could remember what else I did
88) Vodka Lime Coolers are made from Ecto Cooler Hi-C, Vodka, 7up, and a little bit of sour, I can't list it as a favorite drink since they don't make Ecto Cooler Hi-C anymore
89) My father has worked for Otis Elevator for over 30 years and is a 3rd generation Marine (I'd be a 4th but something tells me I'm not cut out for military life)
90) My mother is a homemaker who gave me the gambling gene, if there's a chance to go to the casino she's there day or night
91) I got my one and only speeding ticket while bringing my mom home from Mystic Lake at 3am while in college
92) I broke my hand while in Myrtle Beach, SC hitting a video game (it was one of those punching bag games), I missed the Senior Babe Ruth State Tournament because of it after hitting .479 and going 7-1 on the hill during the season. The team was not happy and I didn't get to spend more time with the hot brunette I'd picked up
93) My favorite sport teams are all from Minnesota except I'm not much of a basketball fan
94) Peppermint Bon-Bon ice cream is divine! But if its vanilla I politely request honey roasted peanuts with carmel and hot fudge on it
95) Hearing about our still-birth is the worst thing that's ever happened to me
96) If you say the words politics, liberal, conservatives, or any other politicano lingo I will cease listening to you. I don't understand, nor want to understand how politics work, yes I voted for Jesse Ventura
97) I feel guilty not going to church more often, but don't really see a reason to go
98) NTN Trivia makes me drink more then I should
99) Despite working in a professional office I wear a hat and sunglasses due to the accident, kinda hinders me during interviews
100) I once drank 8 different alcohols and 3 different mixers together on a dare. We called the drink "Tar Spit"

Ok, now that you know the man behind the curtains please don't be too freaked out if I'm walking on the same side of the street as you :P

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Tournament Expectations

Softball was cancelled last night due to downpours that lasted for a couple of hours, so we packed up Little Drizz and decided on some Chinese buffet. Panda Garden in Brooklyn Park used to be THE place for a decent Chinese buffet... now I can see why we've avoided going there for the past four years. Maybe I'm being a little harsh since I spent 99% of the time trying to get Little Drizz to sit down and eat rather then jump around and fling mandarin oranges at people. We were one of three parties in the aging restaurant during the middle of what should be the busiest time. Wallpaper was yellowing, smell was less then desirable (not nearly as a bad as the Plaza), and there was a strange stickiness to the floor (but that could have been where Little Drizz's jello went). I have no idea what caused the little guy to be a brat last night, but we could only hope to contain him as we tried shopping at Target after dinner with similar tantrums being thrown. I questioned the wife about wanting another one of these bundles of joy, she just smiled back. Yeah, thanks hon, I'll try to enjoy the wonder years as well, with or without Winnie Cooper.

After getting home and putting the soon-to-be-terrible-two-toddler to bed, I sat down to watch a little of the Daly/Woods vs. Goosen/Mickelson golf outing. For the first few holes I wondered why Tiger even needed a partner, it didn't seem like Johnny even showed up. Maybe he played better on the back nine but his short game stunk for what I saw (the author acknowledges he shouldn't talk about other people's short game since his own has sent many people ducking for cover). I wasn't in the mood to watch golf (I need to be half-sleep and wanting to take a nap for golf viewing, something about watching hole #5 and getting up on hole #12 is relaxing) and the loving wife looking like she wanted her husband out of the room, motioned for the computer downstairs and said "have fun!". She didn't have to twist my arm much.

I fired up PokerStars in search of a $10 tourney and found a limit O8 tourney with only 350 people in it. Perfect! Also, checked in at BoDog to see if the fishes where swimming in the PLO8 waters. BoDog was uneventful for 1.5 hours as most of the regular players showed up and they were taking the scoops while I chipped away a small 15BB profit. Maybe not so small, hell that's a decent win for once. What? No, I'm not trying to jinx myself, but its nice to not have to whine about losing for once, even if its for only one day. Felicia informed me of a decent nickle and dime LO8 game with Sean the blogger formerly known as Anisotropy. I managed to rack up an eight cent profit in two hours from cool people who liked to raise the low only (Al would probably like to have a word with these people about raising the low). Even my $1,000 stack couldn't persuade them to stop chasing that damn low when I flopped/turned a decent flush/straight/full house.

I'm still playing in a tournament?

Oh yeah, I dozed off after not playing a hand for a couple of orbits but managed a couple of 3/4th and a couple of steals to get into the money as the reverse bubble boy (is that what you call the first cashing player out?). It wasn't overt skill, but a little tightness and a little well-placed aggression (thanks again Iggy) that I made the money once again (I failed to mention a 57th/880 on Thursday night playing with Chad at Stars). I'm still eyeing that final table/first place prize like a geek with his nose pressed up against the glass at a local GameStop awaiting Everquest's new expansion pack to come out at midnight. But, to get there you need that one lucky hand. The difference in the last two tournaments and the past five month is that I didn't get unlucky, my hands have held up while being favored. This is certainly a breath of fresh air since the five month fog of beats is dissipating enough for me to scratch out a profit again. I've been told to hit the books again, and I shall... if this new casino bonus whoring thing pans out. I'm hitting up Sound of a Suckout's video poker bonus offerings at the different online casinos. I hit a royal flush in my first 8000 hands and I'm slightly ahead while trying to clear the bonus following the advice laid out on his site. If successful (even if its just clearing the bonus) I'm taking the money to buy some new poker books and with the gained knowledge get myself back in the black for the year. Or at least have a better understanding of why I suck :)

Thanks for dropping by, now if anyone has a clue on how to operate this let me know. I bought one at Target last night but have zero clue on why the iTrip stations don't pop up on my iPod. I loaded the driver last night, and the stations show up on iTunes but not the iPod. Maybe I'm just an iDiot.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Is This Relaxing?

I love going to the cabin for the weekend. Its fairly quiet, I always drink too much, and there's plenty of room for Little Drizz to run off his boundless energy.

So why do I have a headache this morning?

The weekend started in a glorious way when the dear and patient wife mentioned on the ride up she would be dropping her degenerate gambling husband off at Grand Casino Hinckley for some low limit poker fun. And its not even my birthday (that's December 8th, mark your calendars and shower me with gifts)! I started mentally going over pot odds and overcalls in my head while making my way back to the poker room, politely declining the company of the seductive new penny slots before getting to the room. I put on my horse blinders and made my way to the stable of donkey poker...

Someone forgot to wake up the donkeys.

Sigh. I put my name on the waiting list and was informed that the room really didn't get going until afternoon. I can see why, since the casino STILL has failed to mark clearly how to get back to the poker room in the first place. So much for three hours of check-raising Fisherman Bill and Pepper his loyal golden retriever. I slinked back to the casino's main floor to see what kind of trouble I could get into now that I had to wait an hour or two. Video poker looks like fun, I paid the barkeep (its not Vegas here folks) for some satisifying macro-brew and plunked down $20 on a deuces wild machine. Someone forgot to tell the dealer to give me any deuces. Since my $20 lasted longer then an Elizabeth Taylor marriage and you're not allowed alcohol on the casino floor as I was reminded by a portly looking rent-a-cop who'd consumed more then his uniform could handle (what is this fuckin church?!?!?) I plopped myself down in the lounge area to watch re-runs of the Great Outdoors Games on ESPN. Hmmm log rolling looks easy enough, just tap dance back and forth on a spinning, wet log and stay there longer then your opponent. Too bad you need the balance of an African tribeswoman that can balance a 50 gallon jug on her head for 100 miles. After finishing my $24 beer, I went in search of a game which I could BS with people while eagerly awaiting the opening of the poker room.

Let-It-Ride! Since card games besides Blackjack are California Styled (meaning the players produce the house's funds by paying to play each hand) its difficult to walk away with a profit unless you hit a flush or above placing minimal bets. I won $8 for an hour and a half of play. I never increased my nickel a slot bets, betting like a pussy, but I was having fun since the dealer was the same woman who dealt to me last time I was there and playing the poker room. One thing that I didn't understand is no comps for this game. What the fuck? I'm wagering money just like the genius in the coffee stain wife-beater playing Blackjack, so why am I not rated (this goes for the poker room as well...). The pit boss couldn't come up with an explanation but I didn't feel like playing Blackjack in a casino since I'm batting near the Mendoza line in winning Blackjack trips. Guess I'll have to earn my free buffets thru the penny slots! Yeah I played a couple with lack of fanfare but I did get to meet Jan from Eau Clarie, Wisconsin.

No, Jan wasn't a fellow slot jockey. Jan came up to me red eyed while I was happily flushing my copper down the virtual tubes. Giving her the quick up and down she was a fairly attractive middle aged well-dressed woman (especially for noon on a Friday in a casino) . She was having trouble starting her car due to lack of gas (there's a gas station no more then 1/4 mile down the road...), despite spending the night at the casino. I informed her unfortunately I do not drive, thus cannot retrieve a gallon of gas from the gas station. She started looking more confused about what to do, as I was getting more confused on what exactly she wanted since we started chatting about the casino and such. I noticed her 45 carat diamond ring and inquired about her husband, she said she was here alone and just wanted some help with her car... ooooooooooooK. Did I just get propositioned here? I can be quite dense in this area. Unlike most of the blogging community I am not a "babe-magnet" but appearently I can reel in the housewive demographic like Ron Popeil can sell useless kitchen knick-knacks. Maybe I'm thinking WAY too much into this short five minute conversation, but when two and two make five it tends send off warning signals.

After I informed Jan of the front desk being able to double as AAA and help her with her non-OPEC induced oil shortage, the poker room finally called my name two hours too late. I was only able to play for an hour when I looked up from my JTs after hearing "DADDY DADDY" and the dear and patient wife was carrying Little Drizz by. She said she came a little early and said she would just wait in the snack bar for a hour. Yeah, I love playing with a 500 pound gorrila of guilt on my back, thanks hon. The play wasn't totally horrible with 4 out of 9 players were playing ABC poker and one guy who looked like the great-grandpa in Grumpy Old Men who called down every pair... just in case. I lost five BBs for my hour long "session" all on the hand with the senile calling station as he called down his Ace high when I flopped top pair, turned a straight, and rivered a flush... he hit the nut flush. The reaction was priceless though, you'd think he'd won a date with Nicky Hilton as he fumbled with ALL of his chips (about $60 worth) and splashed them into the pot, before the dealer had the chance to correct him. I started laughing and paid him off the one extra BB just so he wouldn't have to change his oxygen tank. I decided that was my queue to go see my son flinging peppermint bon bon ice cream at the dear and patient wife. -$58 was the damage but well worth it. I got my fun in, but would have preferred to play with that soft table longer and recooperate some of my losses.

The weekend at the cabin came and went as normal, except for the oppressive heat. I don't remember adding sauna to my bedroom but good god I got ZERO sleep over the weekend. Being a sizable guy (in more ways then one... *snicker* *snort*, thank you I'm here all week, enjoy the Lefsa!) on a twin bed, with a spouse, in deep humidity, does not equate to restful slumber. But I was able to curl up to a couple of good books, including the first 200 pages of the new Harry Potter series (definitely rating it a BUY so far). Also enjoyed some bingo (I won four bucks WHOO WHOO!) and a round of golf with E. But that humidity just drained my life force this weekend, leaving me to zombie through my cube monkey day today. I guess weekends aren't for relaxation anymore then family road trips are :)

Thanks for dropping by, now go here to view how much I rock at poker. Try not to hurt yourself laughing. :P

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Free Poker

I arrived at The Lookout a little before five, having the dear and patient wife (she's much calmer when there's no yard work to be done) drop me off right after work. Hmmm... no sign up sheet, no poker tables being set up, not good. So, I inquire with the lovely afternoon bartender who would be better off modeling swimwear yet prefers to sling drinks for the drooling male population instead. I ordered up a Cap'n Coke while I asked about the free poker tournament, she said the sign up was at six and starts at seven. Sigh.

On Monday I emailed the "entertainment" director, or probably the only person in the place that knows how to open email and type and she penned it was a five o'clock registration and six o'clock start. Later start, later the dear and patient wife would have to pick up my handi-capable ass, thus increasing the chances that Drizz would be subject to ridicule and flogging. Or just some dirty looks, not the bedroom type either.

The later start did give me a chance to enjoy my dinner of a dozen finely broasted chick wings w/BBQ sauce and a cold Mich Golden Light. Three beers + wings = Ten Bucks, can't go wrong with that. Not to mention the cute waitress serving me that looked like a grown up Stephanie Tanner sans supermodel robbing Uncle Jeese of course. After the wings were polished off, I hit up a quick game of Golden Tee (which isn't very fun playing alone) and the tables started coming in!

The set up wasn't as polished as the one at my sponsor's bar, as the poker tables were plywood tops put over a banquet table. But the chips were professional, the felt was clean and soft, and the KEM cards meant a decent set up. Free Poker put on a decent show with a chrome domed, bespectled, tall, friendly guy making sure the three tables had equal amounts of people playing at all times. I didn't get in the top 2 or 3 for the snazzy prizes but I did make the final table. Yes, it was my awesome poker skillz that took me to the TV table to play for the elusive Free Poker Tour t-shirt. Or it could have been that I knew not to call an all-in bet with queen high. I'm bluffing please call my all-in with that busted inside straight draw with a board of A A K 9 8 after I raised pre-flop (I'm pretty sure my readers could figure out what I held). Playing was only part of the reason I was there, I wanted to chat and meet fellow poker fanatics. Ok, maybe not fanatics but people who don't throw up when you discuss playing AJs UTG with a short stack. That and I didn't mind sitting next to the luckbox blonde hottie with the loose fitting shirt that had her boobs spill on the table while she dealt. Yes, I looked, I am man, me like boobs. She was probably the strangest player I encountered as one hand she'd play a suited connector, hit her hand and play it fast and win and play a donkey hand the next one. She bluffed me on two consecutive hands pushing me off the winning hand with good bets on a tough board. She was chatty whether she had a hand or calling my all-ins with the suited hammer pre-flop. I think it was the rack that messed up my bullshit radar, maybe blinders would be better to wear at the table for me.

I finished 7th out of 31 (maxed out participatants), I played for about three hours (very decent blind structures) and the final table did represent the better players in the tournament and a couple of Tiffany Williamson's ANY ACE IS THE NUTS GO ALL IN. Three players were very decent players, but best one had a tell in which he'd re-stack his chips before calling/raising if he held a monster (another reason I was playing, to look for tells).

No T-shirt, pissed off wife, and ten pounds added to the gut for the wingys and beer. Worth it? Ubetcha ;)

Tonight? Hey lets do it again! Grand Rios, normally an overpriced waterpark, but in the bar... FREE POKER TOURNAMENT! I'll have to gauge the wife's temperment after work to see if I have enough marriage points saved up to attempt another night of poker.

Thanks for dropping by, now go here if you desire some oversized racks. Man you people have dirty minds, did you think you were going to get this (probably not work safe...)?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

And The Thunder Rolls

Wow, Mother Nature has decided its too frickin hot here in the Twin Cities and has let go of all the water she's been retaining. The wife woke me up twice from my usual power nap on the way to work this morning while hitting kiddie pool size puddles. Very inconsiderate of the weather to disturb my beauty sleep. I'll be filing a complaint as soon as that inquiry I made in 1985 gets answered (losing baseball cards due to rain sucks, especially when some of those cards are worth $100 a piece today).

Ah, a new day. I doubled up the amount of sleep I got from the previous night but I'm still running on fumes today. But, they're good fumes since I have some lady companionship to look forward to tonight. I'm going to be playing some live poker tonight! If you have been reading the Minnesota boys poker blogs there's free bar poker tourneys now legal in this state. Granted the road is long to win something significant (WPT/WSOP event seats, cash, date with Lindsay Lohan pre-crack addict diet). Ok, maybe no date but she was here last week filming a movie! Yes, getting her cig flicked at a guy's bike was deemed "newsworthy" in our Star Tribune paper. I'm still disappointed she didn't call, and will be drowning my sorrows tonight with rivered Aces and Cap'n Cokes. The Lookout is a local bar that's been around my humble surburb before it became the commericalized sell out that the city is now. Name the restaurant chain, we got it, name the department store chain, we got it, name the strip club... oh wait there's only one place that even sells porn (you won't find even Playboy at the gas stations). The Lookout used to be three blocks from my former abode and has the BEST broasted chicken wings and BBQ sauce. Granted the service can be slow, but they've retained the friendly "everyone knows your name" hole-in-wall bar service while upgrading the place significantly. Highly recommended to check out if you're in my neck of the woods and don't feel like going to a cut-and-paste place to eat.

Registration is at five, cards in the air at six, Drizz out at 6:02, Drizz downs 3rd Cap'n Coke at 6:03, Drizz calls wife at 6:30 asking for a ride home and a quickie, Drizz sobers up at midnight and tries to walk home after pissing off the wife (its a 3 mile walk now...). Despite the assured asshat play that is sure to be on display by myself tonight I'm going to enjoy it. How can you not enjoy live poker? Plus, there's a bonus... but that might be revealed tomorrow.


Anyone hear a song on the radio and immediately think of a place/person/event? "Lets Get Rocked" just came up on the iPod and reminded me of my pathetic attempts to get into the pants of a female Dairy Queen employee while in high school. Rico Suave I was/am not.


Co-ed softball was fun last night despite the windy conditions. I was being my normal pseudo-cocky self out there and just trying to enjoy the company of my family and friends. I may or may not have injured my father-in-law when a girl didn't catch the ball that I threw and skipped off the top of her glove and hit his knee that have one of those funky braces on it. Ow. It makes it easier to enjoy when you don't lose by double digits. Burnsie didn't show up last night since he was working. The asshole told me he was working at six yesterday and that's why I agreed to go out to the bars Monday night, since we'd both be dragging ass yesterday. But he failed to mention he was working at 6 PM (there's a not amused look on my face). So, I suffered through the lack of sleep while he got in double digit hours of slumber. I'll have my revenge, oh yes, revenge will be mine. He gets wicked can't-see-straight-for-half-a-day hangovers from mixing beer/hard alcohol while drinking, I plan on a night at the bars alternating drinks in the near future *insert evil laughter here*.

Thanks for dropping by, now go here to learn more about Minnesota Bar Poker. We only have one major card room in this state, gotta play somewhere, even if its for a bar tab and t-shirt ;)

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Bit of Reflection

Often there are times in which you look back at decisions you made in life. Watching your offspring running around in circles in attempts to get dizzy. Seeing a movie that reflects an event in your journey towards adulthood (everyone relates to Old School this way, right?). Or tipping back a couple of beers with your best friend and talking until 1:30am, even when you need to get up in three hours to go to work.

Me and Burnsie have this conversation about every six or seven months. Chatting about what could have been, and how lucky we are to get to where we are now (both happily married with kids). Stories about how a couple of quick decisions to not persue a sexual temptation later opened the road to a date and relationship with our future wives. Kind of like those books where it told you to turn to page 87 if you choose to open the red door and page 45 if you choose the blue door. Our time in college was like that. I am sure most people can look back at their lives and the parties they attended and pick out a few times they either regreted their decision and live with it, or the decision changed their entire adult life. Luckily for me, my decisions were fairly easy, except one regarding an ex-girlfriend who I still hold a place in my heart for. She was and still is one woman who understood me since we were so much alike at the time and possibly still are. I love my wife with all my heart, but every once in a while I reflect to think, what if I wasn't such idiot in college and knew more about relationships and how they work, if I would have a different woman sleeping besides me at night. I had found the right person at the wrong time in my life, but things happen for a reason, right? Of course they do, I now have everything I need to feel complete (except maybe the buy-in to the WSOP Main Event, a bigger iPod, and a box of Krispy Kremes).

Me and Burnsie chatted over some Coors Light and Old Style (hey it was on special and it was good!) till the wee hours of this morning. The chat reminded me of a time in my life that shows me how much I've grown over the past ten years (as these chats always do). Instead of being an angry at the world for my disabilities and allowing my depression to prevent me from enjoy the finer things in life, I enjoy getting up in the morning. True, I'm still a push over for the most part, but I do it with an air of confidence now. I finally have the self-esteem that I can look in the mirror in the morning and like what I see (minus the mini-keg strapped around my waist, I'm old but I'm working on it! Bonus points if you get the SNL referrence).

I write in this blog because of times like this that I want to transfer my feelings onto a page and perhaps reflect upon it, not dwell, at a later time. Granted most of my posts will be my sarcastic exploits of grass cutting, potty training, and playing online poker in suburbia. But once in a while I'll throw a curveball (my best pitch in high school) and put up some words from the heart that describe the inner-struggles that every person goes through.

If you haven't changed the channel yet...

Thanks for dropping by, now go here to solve the mysteries of what is going to happen in your near future.

Damn no sex tonight :(

2004 WSOP DVD Review

For those of you poker fans without access to cable or electricity may have missed the exciting ESPN coverage of the 2004 World Series of Poker. If in fact you did miss the coverage or want to replay some of the finer moments of the $10,000 Main Event, you are in luck! The 2004 WSOP DVD is now available to purchase online at and

This three disk set is a must for all poker fans who wish to relive the improbable run of one Greg "The Fossilman" Raymer thru 2,576 poker players to claim the title of "World Champion of Poker". The first and second disk contain the main event segments as originally aired on ESPN. Want to see Phil Hellmuth toss in his pocket kings and steam about it? Or the confrontation between Raymer and Mike "The Mouth" Matusow during the early rounds of the tournament, only to foreshadow their battle together after making it into the money. It is all shown in ten separate episodes from start to finish.

The third "bonus" disk contains highlights not all shown during the original broadcast of the event. My favorite was the previously untelevised final table of the Kansas City Lowball tournament. The table featured many of the game's biggest names like Howard Lederer, Chris "Jesus" Ferguson, Barry Greenstein, and Chau Chang. They showed a different type of poker tournament, kind of a throw-back if you will. These guys didn't do a touchdown dance or taunt their opponent if they drew the card that gave them the winning hand. They sat down and played masterful draw poker, a game of a bygone era but still very popular amongst the elite poker players of the world. If you plan on playing in the "big game" with Greenstein, Doyle Brunson, and Chip Reese you will want to take some notes while watching this event.

Also packed into the bonus disk:

- Greg Raymer's Bio and final table commentary, people often say "well, he got lucky on such and such a hand, that's why he won". Greg walks you through the logic of each major decision he had at the final table and shows sound poker making decisions. Greg reveals his road to becoming a professional poker player in his video biography.

- 2004 Tournament of Champions $2,000,000 single table tournament. Watch the "best of the best" battle it out in a winner-take-all tournament

- Poker Pro Chat segement. Poker pros offer advice that they use in their own game. My favorite was 10-time WSOP bracelet winner Johnny Chan's advice about "falling in love with a hand". There's no greater leak in my game then getting a great starting hand and losing all my chips due to what "should have won".

This three disk collection should be part of any poker fan's DVD collection, I recommend you drop by today and pick up your copy!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Long Weekend

Poker wise, good. Relaxing? No.

The weekend started off fun enough as the company threw their annual summer picnic for all of us cube monkeys. Cold cut sammiches, plenty of things to drink, and chance to see that hottie from Accounts Receivable in tight shorts and a revealing tank top. After the half hour ride I was informed there would be games to play for various trinkets.

I like games, and I like trinkets.

I weasled my way into the Bocce ball tournament. For those who do not know what Bocce ball is... basically each player gets two balls that weigh a little more then a softball and less then a shot put. You throw a smaller cue ball and the object is to roll/throw your ball closest to the cue ball, similar to horseshoes. I rock at this game and our pair managed second place after beating three other teams. The finals were against two shapely interns and unfortunately I lost concentration more then a couple of times. It didn't help that they were pretty good at the game as well. After the games were done and the general awkwardness of being around co-workers that you barely know outside of your department wore thin on my patience, a group of us hit up a little hole-in-the-wall bar. Hmmmm... what's that I smell? Smoke? Interesting, smoking inside of a bar! Let me say first that its great to be able to down a few drinks and not go home smelling like ass, but I do miss it for unknown subconscious reasons. I'm sure smoking readers of this blog will huff and puff about not being able to smoke in a bar in Minnesota (well... Hennipin County at least), but honestly, its nice to be able to bring Little Drizz into my softball sponsor's bar and not have to worry about the second-hand smoke.

Forgive me if I ramble and go off in weird tangents today, I'm iPod-less and can't concentrate without REO Speedwagon telling me to Take It On The Run baby, if that's the way you want it baby.

Friday, I spent most of the day with the dear and patient drill sergeant, I mean wife, as we collected the items needed for the yard work to be done on Saturday and Sunday. You see, I had this vision, me at the big table with Doyle to my left, and Ivey to my right sitting at the World Series of Poker, and I let that vision blind me while in the Kitchen and Bath department at Home Depot. Instead of my usual morning and afternoon of tossing virtual chips on a Friday, I spent it looking for a new vanity and edgeing for the yard outside. Attempts to log on after getting home were twarted by stern words coming out of the wife's mouth. Yes, I love you too hon.

Saturday, I don't remember much of what happened since I had a mild case of heatstroke from working outside for nearly 10 hours straight. Attempts to go inside to check on Tiger's dominance in the British Open were met with guilt-riddled wordings by the wife. Luckily, I managed to grab a backbone and had a little chat about overdoing the micro-managing while people are just trying to help. I doubt she even knows how over-bearing she comes across when there's something she wants finished.

Here's a little look at how far we've gotten, next step is laying some sod, building a swing set for Little Drizz's birthday next month, and doing some more landscaping along the fences.


And after...

Its not a finished "after" but definitely a step in the right direction. Now that most of the grunt work in done we can move on to fun stuff like edgeing, laying sod, and splitting logs WHOO WHOO!!

Sunday morning, more of the same, try to watch Tiger, hear crack of the whip to go back out in the yard to haul more wood (the logs you see on the left hand side were split up and moved the far left hand corner). Did you know that Pine tree sap is sticky? Amazing scientific stuff you learn here, I'll be taking over Bill Nye soon! In fact, this morning a baseball player could use my right arm as a pine tar rag. You know that great smell of pine you get after first opening one of those $.49 car air fresheners you buy at a gas station? The smell was cool for about five minutes, after that I wanted to rip up that damn cardboard tree.

Sunday afternoon was the only semi-relaxing part of my weekend since we went up to my parent's cabin to get my brother and dad ready for their demolition derby (which is the reason I was absent for Charlie's tourney). Sis-in-law brought up their boat to relax on till the event and even though it was only an hour and we got downpoured on, me and Burnsie took turns catching lili-pads and me tangling up my line a billion times while fishing, always fun. By the time the event was ready to start, Little Drizz decided he didn't want to go. So, instead of downing some macro-brew sold by the American Legion and some overcooked cheese curds while watching old cars smash into each other, we went home. I was disappointed about not being able to go, but I don't think spending $40 to hold down a screaming toddler for two hours after working hard all weekend was + EV.

Brief Poker content!!

While nut peddling PLO8 at BoDog, I managed to win a couple of stacks and I'm finally starting my lengthy climb out of the red. I'm beginning to think Hold Em' just isn't my game and will probably be sticking with Omaha for a while.

Stars is proving to be my favorite site still, I can't get away from these dollah MTTs and their NLO8 games. I placed 19th out of 1049 (bubbling for that extra $5!!!!) in a NLHE tourney. And I played a little Stud tourney last night for a 97th out of 519 finish. Happy about my Stud playing and fell short due to a runner-runner-runner-runner straight. Yes, those pocket 9s are good when I'm showing a pair of Aces, keep betting until you hit that straight. Damn fucktards.

I'll leave you with a spot of drinking advice today... Peppar Absolut + OJ = suck

Thanks for dropping by, now go hug your kid today :)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Hard Habit To Break

Instead of getting easier
It's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to ya babe
You're a hard habit to break

- Chicago "Hard Habit To Break"

Head ringing from lack of sleep, body tired from constant running around for the past week, and a chance to get a decent night's sleep so what do I do?

Yeah. I played poker. I am a weak man and whipped like a freshman in high school who finally got past second base.

It was well worth it because I won... a quarter. Yep, only $9,999.75 away from fullfiling one of the three things I'd like to do before I go into the great beyond. I can feel that WSOP main event seating ticket in my back pocket in May 2991. Maybe I can pull an Austin Powers/Ted Williams and get cryo'd for a thousand years only to learn that in 2990 they raised the buy in to $20,000 and everyone plays from their TV sets for four months to determine a winner.

Winning session is a winning session though. I'll take it, especially from Absolute where my luck has been the worst, minus a nice 2nd place in an O8 MTT earlier in the year, my results at this site are fit for a bad Sunday night sitcom with an overused laugh track. The lineups at a normal $2/$4 Hold Em' table are difficult since its set up more like a Party $15/$30 table. The table has two idiot/donkey/manaics, a couple of calling stations, and a three or four sharks waiting for the turn to check-raise you. It seems to be a big theme there to always wait for the turn to check-raise, the only other site I see this is the Crypto skins and the European players check-raising on the turn/river a lot. Unfortunately this play makes me tighten up my turn betting standards and becoming weak-tight, leaving bets on the table and giving free cards where I shouldn't. Do I need a shot (double SoCo) of confidence? Maybe a "don't play like a pussy" like Pauly's advice to uber-blogger Wil at the WSOP?

Maybe I could take a page out of the pro's books like on the Full Tilt tourney last night on FSN. I think Howard summed it up nicely in saying "its refreshing to watch ALL of the hands and not just the all-ins". And one again he was excellent behind the mic, commenting on a how Clonie Gowen (who was looking rather beautiful in that black dress if I may add) and Ted Forrest kept softplaying (maybe stressed it a little too much) but after a couple of hands it was just the respect Ted had for Clonie's known tightness. It was awesome to see Ted shift gears from aggressive on some weak hands and strong hands alike, then tightening up. Kristy "Star" Gazes managed both a card rush and some excellent aggressive play to fight back from a 3:1 disadvantage to win in the heads up match against Ted and $250,000. I thought she was done for while on tilt from the flopped flush which Clonie managed a runner-runner full house. Again we got to see Kristy's real emotion then and there, not after she had time to cool off. Awesome. One thing itched me about her continuously looking at her watch, did she have a hot date with a boy-band member or something?

I may have started to watch late because when I turned on the set there was only 6 people left (did they televise the entire tourney?). I know that live poker telecasting may only appeal to the die-hard fans/players but I hope last night's coverage is a start of a trend because it gave a true feel to how the pros play hands like K3o from the blinds, rather then AK vs. QQ or other similar top tier hands. Also a perfect example of how they do not allow (for the most part) their emotions to control the cards (Gazes coming back to win after the bad beat). Unfortunately, I didn't catch the heads up match between Lederer and the fan's choice (Danny N. was leading the poll at 9pm CST when sirens of online poker called my name). Maybe its been played before, but the hammer bluff commerical with Chris "Jesus" Ferguson rocked. YOU GOT BLUFFED!! HAHAHAHAHA!! OWNED!!! And the other guy's face of depression/amazement was perfect.

On a work related note, I got to be a tour/training guide yesterday for a new young and attractive female. I am not the one on one type when speaking about work related matters with people I don't know (poker I could sit for hours and discuss things). It was supposed to last a half hour... 120 minutes later we were finally wrapping up. I figured after five minutes of listening to me talk about chargebacks, promo allowances, and slotting fees she'd be screaming for an extended break. I guess accounting can be a riveting subject to some people? Or was it the Axe body wash that I used yesterday morning? Ooooooooookay. Back to reality McFly.

Thanks for dropping by, now go here to see if you have my mojo to swoon the ladies with sexy talk about ledgers, ten key stroking, and cooking the books.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

You're The Inspiration

And I know, yes I know that its plain to see that Drizz has been playing way too much Chicago on his iPod. I'd forgotten how relaxing their music is. Perfect music to ease into the cube monkey work day.

I didn't get to watch much of the All-Star game last night, except to see Santana and Nathan pitch their innings. Nathan has been looking shaky with his control lately, but last night he appeared to hit some corners that just didn't get called. Santana just needs a confidence boost to get back to his unhittable self, like the Twins scoring more then two runs while he takes the hill. One thing in poor taste that I saw was the fans' booing of Kenny Rogers. Yeah he could have handled himself better around the media, he apologized for being human in a press conference, yet still got a welcoming worthy of John Rocker at Shea Stadium. Sad.

Sad doesn't describe our co-ed softball game last night. Ringling Bros. couldn't have put on a better show. I'm not perfect while playing, far from it, but our team looked 10 people crammed into a VW bug and were locked inside. E made a couple of nice plays out in left field but for the most part our infield looked similar to a retarded, disfigured colander. Throw a ball to the cut-off guy that... oh wait you're not even looking, might wanna duck, I've been known to throw hard. Pop ups and throws softer than Little Drizz's behind were dropped, the game should have included a George Dubya national disaster declaration. But we manage to have fun. Beer and chatting afterwards is what co-ed softball is about.

After watching Nathan give up a run in the All-Star game, I went downstairs for some poker. Two SnGs and bed was the plan.

Plans never pan out.

The first SnG was a clinic on how to allow yourself to get trapped. I don't know where the limp with KK and AA into 4 or 5 people UTG came from but I've seen it in almost every SnG I've played in for the past two months. But soooooooooo satisifying when they get cracked when the 97s limper flops the nut straight. The other SnG was a Step 1 on Party, which I "won" my 52,178th re-entry into a Step 1. The only excitement was finding KK in the later rounds and knowing I was up against AA after I raised an all-in to isolate, there was a re-raise by a solid player. No, I'm not Hellmuth and I didn't lay it down (in a cash game I would have since this guy was playing fairly tight). Reading the player has become much easier since I'm not playing 4-5 games at once anymore, can't wait till those 87 to 13 percent favorites start coming in my favor.

JoeSpeaker was grinding through a $20 MTT with tightness stats that would make Felicia look like Layne Flack so I made sure to remind him that my beloved Twins will be taking the AL wild-card instead of his Oakland A's. Do I smell a prop bet? Damn this gambling gene to hell. I played a little NL O8 with those wacky kids who think AAAQ means you have a full house when a Queen comes on the board and push all-in. Please continue to play games you don't understand, I need a new driveway and some tile for the bathroom upstairs. Thanks.

Tonight - Live poker from the Wynn, but aren't a couple of the Tilter's still in playing at the Rio? According to Doc's site: Ivey and Juanda are still very healthy in the WSOP main event. I wonder who will be taking their places? Lederer busted last night, so I assume we'll get the excellent commentary that he's provided for other tourneys. If anyone has the scoop on who's taking Ivey's and Juanda's place, drop me a comment, thanks!

I promise to make Thursday night my night to view and review the rest of the great 2004 WSOP DVD from ESPN. Stay tuned for that on Friday.

Thanks for dropping by, now go check out Al's newest Strip Poker Fan. I'm surprised SoCo still hasn't picked up the option for him to become their Poker Pro/spokesperson. Golden marketing opportunity being missed. Happy hump day folks!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Tourney for Charlie

The poker blogger charity tourney of Charlie Tuttle is here, thanks to the organizers (if I'm leaving someone out kindly smack me upside the head with your preferred piece of solid metal). And you should be there, I'll be there probably with splinters in my hands from trimming trees in the backyard... instead of going to the Wynn for three days (grumble something about being a responsible dad instead of degenerate gambler that I am).

Being the great reporter I am I have half of the facts and an iota of the information. Maybe there's a spot for me behind the CNN news desk?

$20.00 is the entry fee, ALL going to Charlie's charity. Its at PokerStars under the "Private" tourney tab on this Sunday July 17th, 2005 tourney # 9680072 (I think Lee Jones has a sense of humor...) at 5:00pm CST (Thanks Chris!!). If you don't play there or have been living under your Winnipeg Jets blanket for the past 10 years and don't know how to find it, IM me at Yahoo! under hrking275. I'll be happy to help you get set up. Not sure if any bloggers are affliates of Stars but I'll try to find out who is and link you up through them.

For some reason I'm wide awake and cheerful this morning despite getting about as much sleep as some hard-working, MILF stripper chasing, WSOP picture snapping folks have been getting for the past month or so. Maybe its because after a crushing the softball around the diamond last night, I played some GOOD poker for once!

The results were meh, but my aggression was in the right spots, I folded before getting myself setup for a second best, and I even threw away the best hand a couple of times and felt good about it. Its refreshing to enjoy good play despite the small win. Whereas this weekend it was mostly good play and bad beats from hell. Nothing gives your poker game a kick in the junk then bad results. Kind of like doubling down and getting 20 versus a dealer's 6 up in blackjack and losing. You made the right play, just didn't get the results. I think that is part of the concepts I'll find when I read Theory of Poker. But my thick skull has only been looking at the dwindling bankroll due to a mix of suckouts and "I REALLY REALLY know I'm beat but I want to see it" type plays. To the books I go forth!

Being a hometown pro sports fan, I saw some good news concerning the Twinkies on my way out to softball last night. Hold on to your Steve Lombardozi, Tommy Herr, and Chuck "I Can't Hit the Wide Side of a Barn" Knobauch cards kids because Bret Boone is coming to town. Hopefully he can provide a spark to the limp infield the Twins have been putting on the field lately. The infield has great players but they look like they're studying for an SAT exam instead of playing baseball. Lighten the fuck up guys!! I predict he'll do better then a different Boone who's making three million to bat closer to my sister's softball batting average (I think she got her first hit in 10 games last week...).

Thanks for dropping by, now go here to learn more about Charlie and please join us for this tournament. I guarantee you'll walk away with a smile on your face and a story to tell. Make sure you have your flask ready, I'm sure SoCo drinking god, and fellow O8 lover AlCantHang will kick the festivities off with an IM/dial-a-shot :)

Monday, July 11, 2005

I Feel Sorry For The Softball Tonight

To generate a little extra propulsion while hitting a softball I generally put the face of someone on the ball that has wronged me during the week before sending it skyward, sometimes over the fence, sometimes hitting a cloud and coming back down into the pitcher's mitt.

Tonight, the face of PartyPoker's average idiot at the Bad Beat Jackpot tables will be implanted on this ball. Are you listening to me I_Rulez_420? Yes, you will get running Aces to beat my flopped full house. Don't mind my raises, I have shit.

Sigh, I am a whinny bitch even after chatting with Iggy and Felicia (thanks again guys, I know you two have MUCH bigger things going on, thanks for the shoulder though ;) ). I can't seem to shake the bad beat bug. Its a endless road of river suckouts that has my head spinning and considering to stop play for the first time since the poker bug bit me hard a yard ago. Just one of these nice pots would make me a winner for the night but alas the 5% card always seems to come in for the oxygen deprived graduate of Stupid U. after building a nice pot.

What do we do about this? Read. Felicia suggested a book which I will be acquiring soon since its a staple to any serious player's library and for some reason I was putting it off till a reached high stakes. In the meanwhile I'll still be fooling around with Omaha 8 or better since I can keep the variance to a minimum there, but no more swimming on the shallow end with floaty wearing BBJ players. Mike McD's advice about spotting the sucker? Don't worry they're still wearing florescent orange deer hunting jackets and playing 94o for 3 bets cold, happy hunting.

Ok, with the usual poker whinning out of the way how about the guys only weekend... oh wait mom and dad called and want the sweet, loving, grandchild to come up the cabin for the weekend. So much for those plans. Me and Little Drizz went to my parent's cabin a day early for a belated Father's Day dinner on Sunday for my dad. After a 40 minute ride that consisted of the little guy screaming for 39 minutes we arrived at the cabin my father and his six brothers built by hand. Small and cozy rambler with new air conditioning (thank god, because the humidity would make a cockroach sweat). Its where I learned to play cards and have many good memories of horseshoe games and fishing off the dock for sunnies and perch thinking they were walleye and northerns. Since my dad has been in New York for the past 3-4 months there were no groceries in fridge, so I offered to help my mom shop while Little Drizz watched Shrek with my dad for the 15,998,401th time. Eddie Murphy as the donkey still makes me laugh though.

I am a GREAT grocery shopper. SPECIAL 24 PACK CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES $3.99!!! LAYS POTATO CHIPS 2 FOR $3.00!! I get the good stuff. Grocery shopping brings out all the fun people in society since people generally need to eat and show off their tits in public. Yeah, who knew the grocery store could be every bit as stimulating as a day at the beach? Ok, the chicks weren't wearing dental floss g-strings and tops two sizes too small but no bra in the frozen food section? Yes, I'm looking and yes that's a slab of summer sausage that suddenly appeared in my front pants pocket. Pervert? Sorry even the ladies who read this blog would look too if a woman was looking at you with two pairs of eyes. On the opposite end of the sexual shopping experience is the woman wearing daisy duke shorts.... with her gut flapping against her thighs over her shorts. Ok maybe not THAT bad, but is Cub's Food really the place to be showing off your groove thang with your four kids knocking canned goods off the shelves? Please remember grocery shopping is rated G for General Audiences... except in the frozen section where you'll find deviants like me.

I received the 2004 WSOP video on Friday, and unfortunately due to grocery shopping and steak grilling at the cabin I was unable to watch all three disks. But after watching disk one, the series has me ready for more. Excellent clarity, a tad longer bust out interviews, and NO commericals! My only negative about this set so far is the lack of closed captioning. Being the deaf-mute I am, its nice to not have to turn up the volume to Metallica concert levels to hear Mike Matusow tell the future champ about his pea sized nads when I can read it. That was the only negative thoughts I have about the video set so far, I'm really looking forward to the rest of the main event coverage, and the special 3rd disk packed with interviews and Kansas City Lowball coverage (not seen on ESPN's regular coverage!).

Thanks for dropping by, now go here and find out how to pick up a date at the grocery store! (Note this is JoeSINGLE not JoeSpeaker... but I could see the suave dressing writer pick up a lady or two in the produce aisle) I kid. I kid. :)

Friday, July 08, 2005

Guys Rule Weekend

First I'd like to offer my condolences to those in the United Kingdom. I can't express enough how twisted and mindless these terrorist are to prey upon innocent people. On the gaming board I post on, a British friend lives fairly close to the bomb site and has been passing along information, and its sick to hear of the carnage. My prayers go out to the victims and families of the victims. And my anger of wanting to pierce a sharp object up the asses of these terrorist cowards will not subside till they stop hiding behind a religion and a "cause". There is no "cause", there is no end game, just mindless killing. Diplomacy will not work with these people, what are you going to offer a group of people who treat human life like a game of Half Life? Its just a giant scoreboard to these people, more kills, more numbers on the board for no purpose. There's no ransom demand, just hatered for people who do not follow their way of life. Some life fucktards (see JoeSpeaker's site for definition of Fucktards).

End rant.

Onwards to good stuff like a weekend with just me and Little Drizz. The missus is heading up to the cabin for one of those card/scrapbooking making foo-foo things. Yes dear, the scrapbook/cards/envelope look great with all that frilly stuff on it. I never knew how many different accessories you could buy for this hobby: tables, stensels, 50 billions types of pens/markers, press machines, different paper, etc... Oh don't forget the classes, workshops, and "tupperware" type home parties where they get you to buy even more of this crap. Hell, if I spent as much on poker books as she does on the scrapbooking I'd have a book collection that would rival the Library of Congress.

Won't you take me to Funkytown, won't you take me to funkytown!!.... sorry iPod moment. If only could be a sex toy too I would live happily alone. Just me and the iPod. No one else. What? No, I'm not addicted but I do have the strange urge to go purchase a Mac.

Not sure what me and Little Drizz will go do this weekend, I'm thinking the park (hopefully to watch some T-ball games...), maybe some ice cream at Coldstone, and a long walk in his oversized radio flyer. Exciting stuff I know, but since I can't drive I need to things that are within walking distance. Maybe some Chuck E. Cheese for some migraine-inducing fun. Nothing like some pizza, soda, and 50+ little kids in an arcade fighting over who gets to play Dance Dance Revolution Extreme! next. Of course if I was alone for the weekend, I'd be down at Canterbury rocking to Metallica, Anthrax, Toby Keith, and Ronnie Milsap on the iPod while bitching about how 8 people cold called my UTG raise with AA. I need some live poker action damnit!

There will be some online poker while Little Drizz is dreaming of Thomas the Tank Engine and that cute girl next door (she's 31). I got a freeroll at Stars as a result of the final table yesterday, plus the PartyPoker reload to work off. I think someone asked how many sites I have over $50 at recently. And despite my best efforts to stop spreading my money among the 300+ poker sites, the number is six. Full Tilt, Party, Stars, Absolute, UB, and Noble (thanks to some free "cmon back" cash). I think I found my new cash game while waiting to bust out of the tourney on Wednesday night with JoeSpeaker. Overbetting in Omaha is sweet money for the pockets of the patient ones is the only clue I'll give.

Cause I'm long, and I'm strong, and I'm down to get the friction on! 36-24-36 Ha! Only if she's 5'3".

Sir-Mix-A-Lot out!

Thanks for dropping, now please do yourself a favor and check out Pauly, Prof's, and Otis' sites for up to date WSOP coverage. The main event is here! Cyndi V. is my horse at 24-1 to last longest among the ladies. Hopefully she's not eliminated as I write this... Have a good weekend folks!!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

WSOP DVD On Sale Now!

Thanks to The Rooster for the heads up.

ESPN Original Entertainment’s 2004 World Series of Poker Now Available on DVD NEW YORK (June 28, 2005) — The poker phenomenon is still raging and so is its highest stakes game, No-Limit Texas Hold’Em. To the delight of poker fans nationwide, ESPN Original Entertainment and DVD Marketing Inc. have compiled the complete 2004 World Series of Poker’s Main Event, a six-day shoot-out between the crème de la crème of the poker world and wildcard amateurs to capture the multi-million dollar cash prize, onto an ultimate must-have three-disc DVD set.The DVD set, packed with bonus features and more than 11 hours of poker action, will be available for online purchase as of today at and with a suggested retail price of $19.95. Availability in retail outlets will follow.

“Our fans will really enjoy the 2004 WSOP DVD collection because we’ve loaded it with four hours of bonus content,” said Victoria Stevens, vice president, ESPN. “It’s great for people who enjoy poker and dream of someday making it to the final table at the game’s biggest stage.”

A record-breaking 2,576 players, more than triple the number from last year, came to Las Vegas for the 2004 World Series of Poker. Once again, it was a virtual unknown in the poker world that would beat the poker masters and garner the top prize. Greg “Fossilman” Raymer, a patent attorney from Connecticut, parlayed a $160 online entry fee into $5 million in winnings and the coveted WSOP title. This DVD set contains ESPN Original Entertainment’s final 10 programs from the telecast of the 2004 World Series of Poker, which earned a 1.7 rating for more than 1.5 million viewing households. Hosted by ESPN commentators and poker aficionados, Lon McEachern and Norman Chad, the DVD is presented in fullscreen (1.33:1) digital video without commercial interruption, and includes revealing interviews of star players, basic rules of No-Limit Texas Hold’Em and four hours of bonus features. Chapter points set at the key rounds allow the viewer to jump directly to the action putting them in control of every frame of video as ESPN captures the emotion, strategy and luck in route to crowning the champion of the World Series of Poker.

The unprecedented four hours of bonus features include:
* Top-10 moments from the 2004 tournament*
*A Greg Raymer commentary*
*A Greg Raymer All Access*
*Greg Raymer’s Bio*
*A Stu Unger feature*
*Beyond the Felt: Poker Talk segment*
*Coverage of the $1,000 Buy-In No-Limit Texas Hold’Em*
*Coverage of the $2,000 Buy-In Pot Limit Omaha*
*Tournament of Champions feature*
*Coverage of the Kansas City Lowball event, exclusive only to the DVD*

Sometimes Even A Blind Squirrel...

... gets a nut.

I can barely open my eyes right now, so a picture will have to suffice for a thousand words.

I got lucky once with K8o having to push all-in UTG vs. 63s, and the rest of the time I got my money in with the best of it. Busting out on a coin flip (of course). But at least it was a final table... 1420 started, I outlasted 1411.

I took this screenshot (sorry if they suck) since I was waiting for the ol' AA vs. 83o suckout.

But it never happened.

Money in with the best of it all night. Or as a certain father of a future photographer reminded me... play perfect poker, play perfect poker, play perfect poker. And I did, I gave myself the best CHANCE to win. Only one play was questionable, and I'll post it before I slip into comatose here at work.

Blinds at T6,000/T12,000 Ante 300... Sixteen left in the tournament, seven at my table, and I look down at AQo UTG+1. The UTG player with T180,000 has been very actively stealing blinds but has shown down some decent hands, he pops it to T50,000. I have T52,000 which puts me at one of the bottom three stacks. Can I put him on a steal/medium ace/King plus paint here? I have zero fold equity and still have everyone to act in front of me. The table has been a solid mix of blown steals and monster hands so its tough to tell if the hammer or AA is being played. Knowing my record with coin flips, would you push and pray here?

I passed for a better spot and managed two blind steals in a row, then got KK on the next orbit, doubled up and I was on my way to the final table. I have to wonder if I had UTG in a bad situation, or if I dominated by AK, AA, KK, QQ.

Before poker deprived me of a decent night sleep, I found some blogable material all ready for the post today containing MILFs watching their four and five year old sons and daughters play baseball. But, poker came into the fray fast and hard last night keeping me up until 2 A.M. Getting up two and half hours later for work is not nice and easy like the mentioned motherly females. Things sure have changed since I played ball, I don't remember seeing a late 20/early 30 something woman in the stands eager to show off her well-endowed chest held up a see-through sundress with matching g-string. I guess my attention was in the wrong place and makes me wish I could play T-ball again. I think I'll be taking Little Drizz up to the park more often in the future. So he can play outside of course.

Thanks for dropping by and putting up with whatever I splattered on the page above. I'll try to improve tomorrow.

Oh.... a couple of shout outs!

BG is now the king of Kings and Ponies over at, definitely check out his new blogging abode!

Star Wars Film Producer and occasional online poker tournament crusher Chris Hanel is now working with Hdouble and fhwrdh at Full Tilt Poker (use clicky above or Bonus Code: Drizz99)!!!

Congrats to both of you on your new endeavors!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

When Poker Hands You Lemons...

You go on vacation!

Thanks to work schedule changing, I was able to enjoy a five day weekend with minimal vacation hours used, up in beautiful Ely, MN. The weather didn't seem to want to comply with the weatherperson's (not weatherMAN because we like to show PC-ness here) outlook as it was sunny, then windy, then rainy, then snowy, then sleepy, then dopey, then bashful, then doc.... can you tell I watched too many Disney movies this weekend?

Despite the earth's weather having a PMS weekend, I was able to do all the things I wanted. Starting out on Friday morning at Grand Casino Hinckley, the wife dropped off her degenerate gambler of a husband so he could frolic in the -EV games since live poker didn't start until it was time to leave. -$60 for an hour and a half of new slots. I would have played some blackjack but there was some kind of tobacco convention going on at the two tables that were running. Last time I'd seen a cloud of smoke that thick was my pot dealing roommate's room in college.

The five hour ride was peppered with the wife trying not to get mad at Little Drizz for expressing his displeasure of being strapped into his car seat. If I had ANY thoughts of going on an extended road trip this summer it got squashed this weekend. Not even Walt nor endless Baby Einstein movies could calm the little one down enough.

Saturday was spent on the lake flinging little plastic minnows and live ones at the water with no return on investment. The water was a bit choppy and I got a cold reminder when Burnsie hit a nice size wake bringing a small wall of water to the back of my neck while he sat behind a glass shield. If my neck wasn't so sunburnt I might have planned out some kind of revenge. The girls went in town to shop for nick-nacks at the many garage sales being offered but came back empty in their search for the perfect $.25 lamp.

Golfing was on tap for Sunday and it didn't start out very promising as it downpoured for the majority of the morning. But, the sun came out just as we tee'd off at the par 4, 379 yard dogleg right with the hole tucked behind a wall of oaks and I was in a bitter mood. My mood didn't improve much despite another downpour that lasted two holes and the perfect weather that followed. Here I am golfing with my favorite buddies, downing a couple of macro-brewed barley pops, and I could do nothing but bitch about my golf swing. Much like how poker has been going for me. I can't avoid the seemingly endless streak of bad beats and start complaining about them. Its starting to get to me. Even playing a little SnG later that night I was still in tilt-mode as I got snappy at some normally fun-natured ribbing.

Monday brought changes finally, the sun stayed out all day. I figured out that a nasty headache was the cause of the burr up my ass. Pop a couple of migraine pills and voila! I was finally able to enjoy the peacefulness that comes with being up there. Granted Little Drizz did not share this sentiment everytime we'd try to get him to take a nap.... But, close your eyes and imagine a loon calling in the background, a gentle ripple of water hitting the side of your boat, a bright blue sky with wispy clouds above you, a fishing pole in your right hand, and a proper chilled beverage in your left. As stated in my previous post... utopia wrapped in flannel. I'm sure the city-folk that reads this blog won't understand, but I'm not exactly Babe Winkelman and I still love getting out on that water to cast a line with little hope of snagging a fish or two.

The final night ended with me, E, and Burnsie staying up and telling North Hennipin Community College stories while playing poker variations such as Maverick, Guts, Baseball, Follow The Bitch. Perhaps I'll bring a story of a man-child called Nad someday in the future. He was the epitome of college relationship sexual awkwardness. I was definitely no Don Juan myself in college but he made our favorite magician seem like a man of the cloth around the ladies. Best line heard used at a pool with the girl's volleyball team... "Do you like my body?" but stated in a serious not flirtatious manner. Ah, I miss those days sometimes.

The weekend ended with me hopping on Party to see a new reload bonus was available and getting a couple of nasty river beats while playing O8. You'd think one of these times when I get a nut full house the straight flush won't hit, right? Sigh. Oh well, gimme the cards, I'll keep putting my money in with the best of it :)

Thanks for dropping by, now go here to learn more Jessica Biel's hometown :)