Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Passing Go, Collecting 2008

As I move with the rest of the world from Microsoft Word 2003 to Microsoft Word 2007 and the massive new icons that could be confused with a World of Warcraft interface. If I kill anyone during these typed words accidentally using some kind of Ice Lance/Dragon’s Breath combo, blame Bill Gates.


Many things done, many more to do. There’s bemoaning that 2008 brought nothing but stress and extra creases to people’s foreheads. Sure, with the daughter taking the terrible twos to a level probably seen by a few readers here, it has been a daily struggle to keep up her energy and defiance. But how could you be mad at a face like this:

I struggle to keep a straight face with every "no!" and "I don't do that!" but the parenting suit requires some kind of instillation of order and discipline into her life in case her aspirations in life wish to go further then flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

The boy also gives some trying days but those seem to melt into the week more often as he’s learning the invisible boundaries of mom and dad. My hopes remain that he finds whatever he’s looking for in life and enjoys growing up (but not too quickly). So far he’s following the same path as old man with a love for video games and detest forming the perfect Q or attempts to draw a snowman that looks something different then a metal chain link with a top hat.

I asked my wife for one thing this Christmas, it carries no price tag in the monetary sense but the worth for our marriage is immeasurable. No person should have to give up living and as someone who took five years of his life staring at a blank wall with little reason to lift up the covers in the morning. There are hints that she’s ready to live again, breaking away from the shells of depression and self-doubt with every victory on Scramble and smile after a spilt glass of milk. Being a parent doesn’t have an all-encompassing guidebook for dealing with a sullen husband one second and cleaning up a potty training daughter the next. I’d like my wife back as I have missed her dearly.

As for me, I just had a few requests.

Still have fun. Trips to Chicago, Philly, and of course Vegas help to recharge the batteries with friends I wish we’re a little more accessible then via Northwest Airlines. This year should be no different, anyone up for bar games prop bets?

Be a better husband. Give space. Give hugs. Give encouragement. Give myself.

Learn more. Rosetta Stone, you’re going to get a new customer, habla taco y salsa? I don’t want to show up the genius that came up with that salmon spread at Bouchon’s, but I’d like to progress beyond ripping open some plastic and setting the microwave to 1:45 and remembering to turn over the nuggets half way through.

Poker. I lost my keepyourpokerface.com gig (thank you Google!) but gained a big one when Otis gave me a great opportunity at the PokerStarsBlog and my hopes are people enjoy reading those recaps and live blogs. I realize this isn’t a permanent, career changing gig, but I’ve never been happier that someone had the confidence to take a shot with me. Much like the friendships found thru this silly card game, I hope to ride out the job like a mechanical bull in Key West and hold on for all its worth regardless of possible bruised inner thighs.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hit and Missed

Should feel good about the Vikes winning.


Was promising to see T-Jack negotiate a winning drive after being unable to shake off the Giants' JV team in the second half.

Congrats to those who monied in Pauly's pick em' pool. I was in the running late but thanks to the Cowboys eating too many cheesesteaks prior to the game I'll just applaud the victors instead.

Time to work hard for the next six-seven hours at the PokerStarsBlog then I'm officially on vacation for the next week.


Friday, December 26, 2008

Snowflake Dreams

The temperature didn’t have a second digit in front of it, nor did it have a minus sign behind it. The wind blew softly enough to tickle versus removing layers of skin as it blew from East to West. The snow had a Select Comfort feel to it without the $1,500 buttons to adjust firmness. For a fraction of the cost, extra white stuff could be packed in by two eager kids bundled up to enjoy the Minnesota winter.

Sledding, the first snowball which disappeared mid-flight due to fluffiness, the first snow tunnel since the accumulation was now deep enough to warrant such architectural creations. A quiet five minutes looking straight up at the bottomless blue sky allowed the stress of the holiday to seep right into my newly formed mattress of snowflakes.

The holidays used to mean to me presents, more presents, and stuffing yourself silly with cookies that were carefully baked over the course of two weeks. Now, it’s about observing, giving, and sitting on the couch with a decent brew or drink (hot apple cider plus Captain Morgan = win). Watching the kids emulate their best Wolverine moves against my wife’s best Christmas present wrapping jobs finally brought a quick smile to my face in what has been a struggle to keep my sanity. The robot, the video game, the Barbie three-wheeled scooter so the two of them could collect asphalt burns at the same time brought .2 seconds of glee from their faces followed by “where’s my next present?!?!”. My wife got a present from the kids, as she got mad at the idea of present from me since we agreed not to exchange gifts (due to purchasing a certain TV in the last picture in this post) and she’ll be getting her hair done at the kids’ expense*. Me? I asked my wife for something that carries no monetary value and something that cannot be given at any one time. It’s something I have hoped for a long time and something that will hopefully come sooner then later.

Then as the day came to a close, the leftover brown sugar coated bacon-weenie wraps and other nutritionally sound food were put away, the newly acquired popcorn popper got its first test run.

Two Academy Award winning features were put up on the Christmas gift me and the wife chose a few weeks ago. Ok, it was Tom and Jerry in The Cat Concerto (1946) and The Little Orphan (1948). By the time the Interpol warnings of piracy came in French after the first picture, three people had to be stirred from their slumber to close the books on another holiday season.

Since I wasn’t available yesterday to give a holiday shout out. Merry Christmas/Happy Boxing Day to all my friends who read here. Know that you are a big reason why there’s a smile on my face this morning despite being surrounded by four walls of work this morning.

* not really, but they paid .05% of it and let their mother know it

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Big Weekend of Record Breaking at PokerStars

More personal post to come later (if I don't hit the almond bark pretzels and mass quantities of beer I have stored up for this weekend).

Here's a lead in for those hitting up the tables this weekend at PokerStars, looks to be some either massive fields or massive overlays, either way big money is there:

London, (UK), DECEMBER 24, 2008 -

PokerStars will end 2008 with a massive'World Record Week' - giving players the chance to enter into the GuinnessBook of World Records when PokerStars try and break their second Guinness World Record of 2008.

On December 28, 2008 at 3:30 EST, PokerStars will invite as many as 35,000 players to help them attempt to break the World Record for the 'LargestOnline Poker Tournament', which currently stands at 26,517 players*.

PokerStars broke the Guinness Book of World Record for 'The Most Players toSimultaneously Play Poker Online' which PokerStars previously set at 151,758 on Sunday December 30, 2007. They hit 213,000 players on Sunday November 30,2008.The World Record attempt tournament is accessible to all players, with the buy-in at $11 and a guaranteed $500,000 prize pool.

The Guinness WorldRecord Attempt tournament can be found under the Tourney > Special tab in the PokerStars game lobby.To add to the excitement for players, PokerStars will also be hosting a series of fantastic tournaments and cash giveaways in the final week of 2008.

To celebrate the end of an incredible year they are raising theguarantee on their world famous Sunday Million tournament to $2,500,000,making it the largest ever PokerStars Sunday Million guaranteed prize pool.

The tournament takes place on Sunday December 28, 2008 at 16:30 ET.

They will also be guaranteeing a massive $1,000,000 prize pool for theSunday Warm-up which starts at 12:45 ET on December 28, 2008. Extra FPPqualifiers for the 'World Record Week' Sunday Million tournament will alsobe running - meaning all PokerStars players have the chance to end 2008 on a high.

For more information on the PokerStars World Record Week and a fulldescription of all the tournaments and cash giveaways, players should checkthe PokerStars website, blog and games lobby over the coming few days.

*PokerStars own unofficial record

About www.pokerstars.net:PokerStars is the world's largest poker room with over 16 million members worldwide, and more free-to-play tables than any other site. At PokerStars.net players learn how to play, and practice poker skills for free.

As the premier destination for the top players, with numerous tournaments running every day, PokerStars is renowned for offering the bestsoftware and security in the online poker world. PokerStars:* Has dealt over 23 billion hands* Has run more than 100 million poker tournaments* Have had over 213,000 simultaneous players, and entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the first and only poker website to reach the 160,000 simultaneous players mark

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

This Just In: Packers Suck

After watching the Packer flop in the second half of the "let's-hand-the-Vikings-their-playoff-on-a-silver-plater" game last night I have one thing to say.

Packers suck.

Tonight, I will be curling up with a nice glass of Surly and not dusting off two ill-advised buy-ins by playing the usual low stakes games that make poker fun for me.

Or playing those addicting Facebook games Scramble and Pathwords.

Probably the later since it won't cost an iPod Touch when you spell the easy four letter word versus shouting a few of them after watching people win with eight high then you lose with the second nuts for a solid hour.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Crisco Belongs On Cookies Not Running Backs

That cringing reflex for a certain train wreck happens many times if you’re living a full life and not glued to watching the looped five hour weigh-in replay on Biggest Loser.

While at the bar during late night happy hour 2 for 1s and after downing a dozen JagBombs your friend leaves his TNT Trivia screen and $.25 wings for the first time since sitting down three hours ago to go hit on the busty blonde in the Adrian Peterson jersey (feel free to substitute the flavor-of-the-season sports gear in your area here) and purple leggings. With the suaveness of a guy who couldn’t even pick up a hooker, you gaze upon the impending rejection with horror but can’t stop watching.

All dressed in white, poker night buddies clothed to the nines with expensively rolled Cubans standing in a circle outside the Marriot chatting about their latest conquests. You nod and dip your cigar into the special edition Johnny Walker Blue while the groom has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face because there’s a bride inside that will give him what he’s been training for in his parent’s basement the last seven years with fuzzy porn and a found bottle of Astroglide. Unfortunately for that usually sober cab friend, he decided on the wrong night to rock his inner alcoholic and get wheelchair drunk as his stories about the virginally dressed bride steer from Readers Digest to Penthouse Letter-of-the-Month and you suddenly see the blushing bride’s face within an earshot go from pink to volcano red.

Yesterday if you’re a Vikings fan after the first fumble you knew the team would go the way of whiskey dick and end up sitting in the stands holding that $250 two-piece lingerie set from Fredrick’s of Hollywood wondering what could have been. No morning touchdown dance, just a cold floor hangover from a game that died due to the Crisco greased hands of several Vikings yesterday, including the savior, Purple Jesus. Instead of going into a meaningless game in the dome next week against the Giants’ JV team; they’re most likely playing for the NFC North title after the limp goudaheads trot out against a Bears team still fighting for that playoff spot.

Go Pack? If The Wife is reading, I’ll be rocking the Packers t-shirt and hat tonight for all its worth.

The present train wreck is watching that once beautifully dressed wife eight years ago when your ring went on her finger, entered the cold porch that has a space heater working overtime due to the -20 windchills blowing thru the area. She has “that look” on her face like you just got caught nailing Deandra on a massage table while eating the last chocolate chip cookie and holding the garbage she told you to bring out an hour ago. This male has no idea what sort of injustice to humanity he just committed except that he missed the very important third replay of the recent touchdown and his drink is getting dangerously low.

Any tips on how to avoid, defend, or deflect this gaze of death?


I glanced at the WBCOOP results yesterday but had no clue who the first six people on the list were, but will give a shout out to our favorite radio host, Buddy Dank, on his 12 place finish. Stars did a great job limiting the fields and improving the structure to lean towards overall poker knowledge versus the NL Hold Em’ push donks, but those start times limited this blogger to participating in only one qualifying event. Maybe next year.


Pauly’s Pub pool on ESPN.com? I made my move on Sunday, I am Tiger Woods. Fear the Drizz. I want the double win or at least a call from Daddy where we’ll chat about the proper sausage length, width, and spiciness to introduce a new woman according to type of panties worn.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Vikes, Dirty Birds, WBCOOP

Hit up the live blog of the World Blogger Championship of Online Poker today. See G-Rob go out with 5 hi trying to bluff someone off a Royal Flush.

Take your mind off the Pats Fanbois taking to the Buzzsaw Cardinals at the moment and await the arrival of the Purple Jesus later this afternoon.

One time? Please. Vikes fans need a little love here. Over/Under on 1998 NFC Championship Game highlights shown is set at 6. I'll be enjoying my usual with hopes that T-Jack maintains his Randall Cunningham-ish performances as of late.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Serve It Up: Boris Becker Battleship Poker at the PCA

Sadly, I've struck out in my $2 satellite for the PCA, but four players will be living it up in paradise for some Battleship poker with the tennis legend.
Qualifiers Will Travel to The Bahamas to Play in Heads-Up Match with the Tennis Legend

Paradise Island, Bahamas – December 18, 2008 – Six time Grand Slam winner Boris Becker will face off against four North American PokerStars qualifiers in a heads-up Battleship-style match during the 2009 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure (PCA) at the Atlantis Paradise Island Hotel and Casino in The Bahamas. The seven online qualifiers will play Becker for a seat to the 2009 PCA Main Event being held from January 5-10, 2009.

Battleship Poker made its debut at PCA in 2006, and this year four North American PokerStars qualifiers won their chance to compete against Becker heads-up for a seat to the main event. Anderson, 23, played in free daily and weekly “Battle Boris” tournaments and progressed his way to the weekly finals all the way to the Grand Final for the chance to play Becker in the Bahamas.

Battleship-style poker is where two players compete in heads-up poker sitting across from one another. The catch is that, although they are playing live, the game itself is played online at PokerStars.net, and the players have two laptops back to back. The other three North American qualifiers include Itsik Oknin of Ottawa, Canada, Joshua Miloy of Oley, PA, Keith Anderson and Michel Dion of Quebec, Canada.

““Battleship poker gives you all the fast play luxuries of online poker, but also allows you to look your opponent in the eye,” said Becker. “It’s an exciting game to play and I’m really looking forward to competing against these players.”
The second largest tournament in North America, PCA has a buy-in of $10,000 and occurs every January. Every year, the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure brings together the world’s top players to compete for huge cash prizes.

For more information about the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure, please visit http://www.pokerstars.com/caribbean-adventure/

Clean Up Aisle Nine

Today I was intent on bullet pointing another "successful" WPBT Winter Classic trip to Vegas.

Instead I...

  • Showed up at the in-store Target health clinic right after work to receive word that my daughter's ear is fine and there's no infection. While carrying the boy two steps out of the small clinic he decides to unleash a furious puking show unseen since the pie eating scene in Stand By Me
  • Got home, cleaned up the remaining vomit, daughter decided for the rest of the evening that I was not her favorite sperm donator in the world and proceeded to resist bedtime pleas for over an hour with Thor-like hammer wailings against her door/wall/dresser/house. Headache at Defcon 5.
  • Played the Mookie, got a big stack, lost one big suckout which would have allowed me to coast, then proceeded to get pummeled by the short stack card rack sitting to my right on five different all-ins for him, bubbled in 9th
  • Played the WBCOOP at Stars for the only event I would be home for. Luck was on my side as the game was PLO8 (was feeling good F-Train, congrats on the finish). Luck was not on my side when 40 spots to the main event ticket, someone decided 89TJ rainbow was a shove worthy hand versus my obvious connected AAXX when I 3-bet him and he still had plenty of chips to fold and wait for another hand, he hits two pair, I do not recover nor receive a ticket.
  • This morning I attempt to get the one thing that makes me happy right below a wake-up blow job, a nicely crafted hot chocolate. The vending machine $.75 stuff kicks much ass for despite its three quarter cost, but today it spat out dirty hot water instead. I contempated getting my softball bat from my car at this point to unleash the fury at this ineptitude with a swift home swing that would make A-Rod jealous.
  • In the continued search for a hot chocolate I bit the .45 calber bullet and attempted the vapid Starbuck route of obtaining my liquid sunshine. Overpaid for warm Nestle Quik in a fancy loco'd cup. Mix that in with what I lost in Vegas, plus the wonderful cold shoulders at home I may need a padded room very soon.

If there's a news story coming from KARE11.com about a man running down Hwy. 610 with a Starbucks cup in one hand, softball bat in the other singing "Bicycle Race" please call my wife to come pick me up.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Taste of the High Life

Walking down the hallways of the void after spending 20 hours of a 24 hour day in the mist of carnival lights, exposed flesh, and the money vacuum of the roulette tables it dawns on a person “why did I come again?”.

Vegas separates a person from life for a few minutes, a hour, a day, a week, depending on the degeneracy level of the person buying the rights to a bed for the weekend. Most are better off not over thinking with thoughts of what happened in this room with the Geisha Bar regulars last weekend and just think of it as a temporary domicile to rest their rum-soaked heads.

Why does Vegas entice a suburban father of two to make a trip out west, knowing full well illness, hangover, and a lighter wallet are a near certainty? If you offered someone a baseball bat to the head while injecting their right arm with a nasty flu strain and pocket that money clip found in his right pocket, most people would lean to pass on such things.

Me? I welcome it.

Because for three/four days a year there’s no wake up call, no schedule, no limits. All my vices are allowed to run rampant up and down Las Vegas Boulevard and come back to a loving family refreshed mentally. That’s half of the trip, the half that makes the journey worth it was found at Bouchon’s, the Geisha Bar, the EBay slots, a quick conversation in the MGM Sportsbook bar, hoisting mini-boots of SoCo, and can’t-barely-bet-and-desperately-need-water early morning Pai Gow games.

The WPBT group, or whatever the associated group-think name is currently, they push away Vegas’ curtain of fake DDs and fake sincerity enough to make the trip a sure bet. My weekend was filled once again with laughter, a lighter wallet, and even more memories of the people I’m honored to call friends.

With each trip I take away something new, this time it was fine dining. There were eight seated at the “causal” French bistro of Bouchon’s at the Venetian. To the middle-lower working class guy with the speech problems, I didn’t have to try to “fit-in” thanks to the other seven. There was no stigma of high schoolish clichĂ© where something brilliant and worthy of a successful stand-up comedian needed to exit my Minnesotan accented mouth to feel accepted.

The dinner started with a wonderful Sam Smith Nut Brown which was actually under priced at $8 as our group took up the bar area to check out the menu of wines that included an entire page of fermented grapes that could be purchased at $1,000+ a bottle. The table was then set out for Speaker and his girlfriend Angelique, Bobby Bracelet and Elizabeth, BG, and the G+G Makeout Factory minus Garth’s googles.

Hotties all around, and even the ladies were attractive.

Menus? Wrapped around the napkin. I already knew the Steak Frites were my target for the evening but was secretly hoping to expand a bit on my corn dog/pizza/chicken strips palate and try something new. There were a lot of new. Starting with a leafy salad with vinaigrette and a white crown shaped deal on the side. Goat cheese. Being a solid Midwestern hick, goat cheese isn’t something that I’ve thrown on a triple bacon cheeseburger with BBQ sauce. That may change: rich, smooth, and made the salad into a meal. Meanwhile Speaker picked the Rillette aux Deux Saumons which is French for Fuckin Good Salmon spread. Hopefully Speaker will have the full description on how it was made but there was butter, and more butter, with a side of butter that knocked it out of the park.

Next was the wine selection by the brothers, and they came through with a flourish. Three bottles were consumed by the table, and despite putting a stop of alcoholic binging several hours earlier, my head was lump of red-tinted bread dough just off a few glasses by the end of the evening.

Frites, lots of frites soon showered the table as the main courses made their way to our table. The steak did not disappoint, carmelized shallots (again first taste for me) braised the top of my meat and made each bite better then the last. The ladies found their way into Mussels which to me were something I’ve only seen on a boat after getting out of the lake while catching a few bottle bass and too much sun. Next time we might have to steam those puppies up, yum. On my right the better half of the G+G Makeout Factory had this dish that looked like a rounded mini-muffin pan while smells that tickled the only one my five senses that actually works to its fullest.

These little escarole were soaked in butter and garlic with a flaky crust on top. Again, a first, again amazed. Dessert was politely refused, but the conversation was not, my only regret was not speaking up for the Nardi brothers to suggest another bottle of vino and continue time with old friends while making some ones.

The rest of the weekend will be touched in tomorrow’s post as this dinner was my new experience to a place I’ve visited many times but never seen this side of it, including the smoking hot women in outfits that six month of mortgage payments would make a down payment on their belts.

Freddy Mercury lives! Jared Allen sack dances! Drizz loses playing those goddamn slots again! Asshole at the IP Mixed Game!

See you tomorrow, right now I’m wagering a gallon of OJ against all the flu/cold crap my family and co-workers are desperate to pass on to me. The pathogens are winning damnit.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Last Breath of Cold Air

This is always the issue about heading off for the Winter Classic in Vegas: Too many places to go, too many people to see, but never before I check-in to some fleabag hotel...

.... except this time as soon as I hop off the plane there's three different venues to hit up!

First: Hard Rock Café to watch Sweet Sweet Pablo, Minty Fresh Gracie, Columbo, and of course AlCantHang (more tube sock girls, yes please) hitting up the Poker Jingle Charity tournament to benefit the leukemia and lymphoma society. Looks like a lot of Full Tilt and other "name" pros are hitting up this one, great chance to show your stuff and give cash to a worthy cause after check-raising Beth Shak into giving you a picture with her. Yum.

Second: The Pinball Hall of Fame. After checking my flight info, I might be too late for a pinball showdown with the blogfather and Rooster (KA-KAW!!!), but if you're already in Vegas like some fuckers today, hook up with Joaquin for a trip to show off your childhood ability to turn two dollars in quarters into an afternoon of entertainment or lunch money for the rest of the week (like some degenerates did by playing a buck a game with onlookers).

Third: Yardhouse. After at least one shot with he-who-turns-mush-into-viable-government-papers its off to this sizable brew pub that may or may not carry Miller Lite.

Fourth (I'm tired already): Meet up with cousin from Minnesota in Vegas (who will probably be the other person wearing shorts tomorrow in Vegas), maybe see if he'd like to view the maddness of the blogger MGM Mixed Game first hand and knock over my tower of chips before a certain princesses and an evil degenerate who gives back rubs just to get you to call that river check-raise do so.

After all that I'll need a wheelchair ride from something other then stupidly pouring a bottle of Bacardi 151 down my throat.


I always wondered why the gentle folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber were so mean to one Peter King of SI...

"I think despite seven viable MVP canadiates in the NFL right now you have to go with Peyton Manning".

This spew from one Peter King was heard by me (and all the glory of my half-deaf ears) while driving over the last frozen bridge to work while listening to Mike and Mike (which is surprising good imo) heading into hours of nailbiting suspense till I hit the McCarren taramac tomorrow afternoon.

Good god Mr. King, I've had Peyton on my fantasy team (selected first round) all season and have been starting Aaron Rodgers (giving myself 10 lashes to my back each week for a Packer on my squad) every week except the last one. Why? Does one have to dredge up that abomination of a game against the Browns where completing a forward pass seemed as unlikely as Britney Spears heading off to Oslo to pick up her third Nobel Prize for Literature.

I don't see the Colts Quarterback (despite their late run towards the playoffs) jumping off the page as "Most Valuable". Maybe most likely to appear in the next commerical type prop bet while watching football at the MGM on Sunday, but nothing measty about his efforts this year.

Nothing about his season jumps out and says "HE'S THE MAN!". Brenda Warner's porcupine hair wants to have a word with you.


See you tomorrow folks! And to those already there, keep an eye on the shifty Cheesehead StB to leave some Captain for me at the Geisha Bar.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

888 Poker

Poker players always have their own preference. They like their tables, their companies, their terms of service and the people the play with at certain sites. Party poker has its offers, poker stars has its advantages and of course trailing close behind is pacific poker.

Only in the last ten years or so has online poker taken off so drastically. In the 80’s I’m sure no one heard of Poker being played at a computer desk. No one would stay in to click the mouse and try to rack up a few quid, it was unheard of. Slowly in the mid to late 90’s did this start. P

eople even quit their jobs as they believe they can make a sufficient stipend on the makings of a few online poker tournaments a few nights a week. In my opinion, best of luck to them, I hope they become millionaires. We have all seen it happen – from 17$ buy ins straight to chairs at the WSOP big timers. It can be done.

Good luck to everyone, and don’t hate the player, hate the game!

More Then One Way to Tilt

Iggy, prepare to meet your match.

2 days.

Bring your prop bets folks, for the record the easiest money to take off me is in Video Games, Darts, Shuffleboard, Boxing, Pool, and of course *Arm-Wrestling. I'm just a little, meek and weak accounting cube dweller.

*I'm hoping no one took pictures/video while at Al's bash

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

LAPT - Mexico Update

Big update for those wondering about the aborted LAPT - Mexico from PokerStars:

Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico – December 9, 2009 -- PokerStars.net today announced that they will be offering a free roll on their site to all remaining players in the suspended LAPT Mexico event. The players will start with the same number of chips they had when the tournament was suspended and they will play down to the final table. The final nine will then be flown to the LAPT Vina del Mar in Chile, where they will finish the tournament live on a televised table.

“We know that many of our remaining players really wanted the opportunity to finish this tournament and earn their shot at an LAPT title” says Sarne Lightman, Director of Marketing for PokerStars Latin America. “Although the tournament was suspended and the prize money distributed, PokerStars still wants to offer their players this extra opportunity. PokerStars will also be adding $50,000 in prize money to the final table. “

PokerStars will be contacting all the players shortly with a choice of available times and dates for the free roll and will then schedule the time most convenient to most players.

Bodoggin With the Blogfather

Just because I haven't been able to play, doesn't mean I can't pimp. Good luck in the Bodoggie tonight with these extra prizes:

This week Bodog is offering online poker players the opportunity to knock out two poker blogger legacies in their Bodog Blogger Tournament Series.

Starting on Tuesday December 9th, a bounty will be placed on the head of Iggy, notoriously known as The Blogfather of Poker. Then, on Thursday December 11th, there will be a bounty on the head of Smokkee, the Bodog blogger tournament series host and the ONLY poker blogger to successfully seize his own bounty!

Both bounties are for T$109 to play in Bodog's $100,000 Guaranteed Poker Tournament that occurs each Sunday at 4 pm. With one of the biggest overlays in the industry, the value of this tournament is literally unbeatable. Whatever your skill set as a poker player, it's a perfect chance to win a fat cash payout.

So if you're an online poker player and you have a legitimate poker blog, you don't want to miss playing these tournaments! Download Bodog poker and register yourself at bodogbloggertournament.com

Good luck to all who participate and may the best poker blogger take the bullseye on these bounty player legacies!

Not Exactly Top Ten

That could have went better.

For my birthday I received a head butt, got peed on, stepped on, ignored due to Holly Hobbie's search for maple tree sap for the Spring Festival, kicked in the balls, and finished the night with blue balls.

At least the home cooking was supreme as always: Huge breaded pork chops, whipped potatoes, layer biscuits, and topped off with some angel food cake with ice cream.

At least my stomach was satisified and I got to see my brother and sister. If there's a wonder why I enjoy my fantasy-land birthday's in Vegas, look above. Call it selfish if you want, but it would have been nice to have a birthday celebration with at least an enjoyable dinner and laughs instead of fighting with a two year old to finish her dinner.

See you folks in four days, I'm hoping for a better attitude by then because right now I'm mired in a cloud "don't give a fuck". And if history repeats itself, that's a dangerous attitude to have in Vegas.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Still Not Old Enough To Care

For unknown reasons I was up at 2am this morning tossing and turning with several mirror-gazing moments. Flashes of parties, gatherings, car rides, bar closings, kisses, strolls, tears, those thoughts rolled by before the final bell went off two and half hours later. Freeze ass off while wobbling into the shower, then greeted by my wife after putting on the work wear.

“Happy Birthday”.

For the past four years those words came out while downing unknown amounts of free drinks inside Las Vegas’ various concrete palaces. Eyes glazed over with a tower of chips in front of me, not knowing nor caring if I had more now then purchased several hours ago. Each year surrounded by a group of friends that expands daily, monthly, yearly, that more people step aside from the Yahoo IM chat box and purchase a plane ticket to meet avatars and hacked words from .blogspot.com websites at the Geisha Bar.

Those people will have to wait until this Friday (I refuse to acknowledge the dickheads getting there a day before me). Now, another gathering will be dashing to the MGM mixed game, staying up late to sling alcohol-soused stories, and meeting these strangers again for the first time. It’s why people show up every year. If there was a five mile radius around this group, the owner of the bar in the epicenter of that circle could start plans to build a Key West retirement home after one year. But, because we live so far apart our livers are graceful for real life things like mortgage payments, spouses, and comfty couches for Sunday NFL afternoons without the tax deductions producing another gray hair on the chin instead of wondering how we’re going to pay for detox.

As for myself growing a year older? I’ve gained my independence back, there’s a job I actually give a shit about, and found the people with a similar last name in my house to be more then tolerable again. Walking thru the mud room and upstairs after the work day is done with awe instead of gloom, I love just watching them and being close to them whenever possible. And thanks to the extra work, I’m able to be a little more flexible with money and the guilt factor of shuttling off to Vegas for an extended weekend is packaged into making sure extra hugs are given upon returning.

The Winter Gathering in Vegas is detoxing of the degenerate soul, and those who you’ll see this week are there for similar reasons. Make sure you introduce yourself and imbibe with those of similar minds but don’t forget to take a stroll along the strip yourself and lose everything you have mentally and start anew when opening the doors to the Imperial Palace champagne pit to lay down a quarter on blackjack.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Purple Jesus Likes Surly

Work is done.

Time for some fun.

Five looooooooooooooooong days. Make em' short people.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

World Cup of Poker V Live Blogging

With Otis and Pauly currently putting their lime tossing aside while the federales squabble over who gets the under-the-table payment to continue cancel the LAPT Mexico tournament...

... join us over at the PokerStarsBlog tomorrow for live blogging coverage of the Divisional PokerStars WorldCup team tournaments. A complete freeroll in which nine teams from all across the world will be trying to reach the PokerStars Caribbean Adverture in a little different manner. They'll will be playing along side the PCA main event for $100,000 to the winning team of five.

I'll be on the morning crew with Texas April, Short-Stack Shamus, and Falstaff bringing Deutschland, U.K., Europe, and the Rest of the World divisions to friendly doorsteps of the internet.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

World Blogger Championship of Online Poker

I'll be there when I can. Good luck again everyone :)

Online Poker

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

All bloggers can play in this exclusive online poker tournament.

Registration code:

Here Piggy Piggy

The new age Christmas Story has been written. Go check out Truckin this month read the entire awesome rack of stories of course, but I turned my attention to “The Last Christmas”. After reading, anyone else see Olympia Dukakis or Estelle Getty (pre-ashes and bones) at the head of that table?


My rant yesterday was there, and the Williams boys got their day in court much sooner then I thought. Now the heady legal types around THIS state seem to see that the Williams have some legit beef with Czar Goodell. Check out this article where studious law-types drag out the Minnesota state law about drug testing and enforcement on state employees. Granted the NFL’s lawyers will be looking to punch any and every hole into these Minnesota state drug testing laws but after reading the article it could be until next season that the interior of the Viking’s line would have to face these charges. The NFL is not the federal government, but then again the NFL is not based in Minnesota, are the Williams NFL employees or Minnesota Vikings employees protected by the state’s laws versus where the NFL corporate offices are (on Park Ave. in New York).

Losing 1/4th of their yearly salary plus an above average shot at a playoff run this year is well worth the fight for these two. Especially for Pat Williams who is in his mid-30s.


Happy Birthday to Otis. He’s on his way to Mexico for cervezas, tequila shooters, chiclet selling street kids, and Tijuana lesbian donkey shows for the next week or so. Or he might slide by Nuevo Vallarta for the PokerStars sponsored LAPT event.

Either one sounds much better then not feeling your fingers for the first ten minutes in the car.


Daddy, if you want some bacon, there's some of the live variety running around right behind my house right now thanks to an accident on the freeway no more then a block from my porch. I'll grab some rope for you from the shed.


The itch is getting to me.

Eight days.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Bumps Need Some Ice

Dear Roger “I am Supreme Chancellor Master of the Universe” Goodell,

Wrap your lips around a bucket of dicks.


Viking Fans

Big Daddy Drew over at KSK uses his vast vocabularly to express what I cannot below. He too is a loyal and proud follower of the Purple's ups-and-downs and quite possibly the best football ranting read out there. I just purchased his book, I suggest if you enjoy his brand of sport humor that you check it out as well.

A tale of the Vikings woe:

First, the quarterbacking position (which still causes acid reflux every play) went from T-Jack is the man, to T-Jack can’t throw for shit so we’ll duct tape together a 54 year old Gus Frerotte and have him throw the same limp salami passes but with the mobility of Lark using grandpa that has trouble reaching for his medic alert button.

Next, all-world linebacker that you never heard of unless you follow the NFL aside from the Berman-infused backbackbackback ESPN highlights, E.J. Henderson, goes down early in the season, the Vikes grab someone they cut from the squad but is doing a decent enough job to warrant a pat on the tush.

Now, I-Am-Legend Goodell decides to make the water pill infused Williams Wall his scapegoats (along with four others) because his chicken chow mein had a little too much celery for his highness liking and decided to possibly shit bricks on the suddenly promising Vikings season. Granted this week’s game is against the Chuck E Cheese ball crawl clean-up crew, the suspensions of Pat and Kevin Williams for the rest of the season will give the bloated Culpepper doll a chance this week to enact revenge on the team which turned their backs on him. Maybe they’ll get their day in court ASAP and this ranting will become a puddle of vapid whining better left for when my aces get cracked.

The Vikes should win Sunday against the Ford quality JV squad regardless of any legal tricks up the team’s lawyer’s sleeves. But, with the Buzzsaw Cardinals (props to KSK), Falcons, and ending with the Giants anything less then perfect play will show the gaping hole left with these suspensions in the team that showed flashes of their preseason promise last week.

This team wins on defense. Period. The reason Purple Jesus and Chester Taylor are so effective is the punishment they deliver over the first two/three quarter because the defense puts the ball into their hands.

Should the Vikes lose and I have to face the shame of the Nardi brothers chanting IN YOUR FACE next weekend in Vegas together with a hundred other invisible internet friends, I will not be able to fully enjoy the hot waitress in her Vikings garb that will be serving me during the Purple’s game on the 14th.


Any chance a parent out there knows the best relaxation technique to working a ten hour day and coming home to listen to the whining of a five year old for two hours straight outside of locking the door putting on some three-way porn, tingle sensation Astroglide, shot of Wild Turkey, and going to town with the masturbation tool of choice?

Granted the bedtime story reading of Dora’s adventure to bringing balloons to the rainbow party or Scooby Doo’s crew solving another mystery via splitting up on Fred’s direction and capturing the bad guy in a way that would make Auric Goldfinger or Dr. No take a second look, makes everything all right for both of us at the end of the night. But, what about diffusing the situation at hand? Calm voice? Check. Allowed time to cool off? Check. Peace of a monk slipping green tea despite a raging headache? Check.

Share your tips in the comments if you’d be so kind.


Nine days. Or eight if you're like some assholes that have the nerve of starting the party early.

Monday, December 01, 2008

More Weekends Like That Please

If there was ever such a thing as football porn for Vikings fans, minus hot cheerleaders with implants getting plugged by ripped guys with IQs less then Devin Hester, it happen last night. Listening to Paul Allen on KFAN go apeshit so many times I was going to call my brother to offer him a Cap’n Coke or something in the booth before he blew out his voice. It was the first time all season I heard his voice with that extra thump that has made me mute the TV just to listen over the past several seasons.

That and I had a few things going on at PokerStarsBlog last night (yes Falstaff, I’ll take that drink and a chat at the Geisha bar) and looking up from my laptop at the football porn was done in quick spurts (next time guys, please don’t group your bust outs all together in a 30 minute span, my fingers and feeble brain mass would appreciate it). For those inclined on reading the wrap ups (I thank you for your support): Sunday Warm-up, Turbo Takedown, Battle of the Planets

I’d hear P.A. yelling thru my iPod earbuds and watch Berrian streak untouched down the sideline, Allen destroying the Bears offensive line, and Purple Jesus going down behind the line only to go all Lazurus on their ass and blow forward for a first down or even that big scamper down to the five. Even if its just for a week, there’s hope in the Twin Cities and for Vikes fans. If the Purple can take this game on the road, and Chilly can make some sideline calls that don’t make a fan reach for a ball-peen hammer and smash their fingers one by one, playoffs might be short-sighted. All this depends on the quarterback, who will show up? Marmalard throwing Gus, who floats balls for two hours in the air and fall woefully short of the target, or hitting Berrian in stride further then four yards down field like this play (fair warning, you may want to prepare for motion sickness before viewing).


Packers Suck. Feel free to mock my indecision to bench DeAngelo Williams last night for Fantasy Football (oops).


Does anyone realize that the WPBT Winter Classic is cresting over the hills currently? Sleep outlook for the next two weeks is doubtful, thankfully there’s a few weekend projects and craziness at work that should get me on that plane to Pai Gow goodness with straight faced Asian dealers and W-list Deal-a-tainers with minimal daydreaming.

Can’t wait. 11 days folks, prepare the liver, prepare for the lack of sleep, and for the best WPBT survival guide get Pauly to repost his survive list. Note the wheelchair drunk, do not attempt this, only trained idiots from nordic regions and total disgard for their lives should try this. If I were to pick out a rock bottom time in my life, that was only second to my work injury.


The Vikes weren’t the highlight of my holiday weekend however. It was the quiet times with my wife.

The simple act of sitting together on the couch to decompress from two hyped-up sugar laced kids (sappy brag picture to come), Christmas shopping, and preparing for the Tasmanian Devil-like December that’s upon all of us. For a long time (read: years) she’d read a book while I hammered down on the computer leveling up some pixelized figurine or eight tabling the virtual slot machines known as NL/PLO8 games at Stars or Full Tilt.

This weekend we time just chilled out together under blankets, this pumped more life into me then any football team victory or tournament conquer ever could. Along with having a little extra pocket cash and some financial peace-of-mind thanks to the PokerStarBlog, we’re trying to be a couple again instead of just putting on our mom and dad suits while our marriage seeped thru the USB cable or the latest Jodi Picoult book.

My hope is that someday we’ll be able to balance the two.