Friday, May 30, 2008

Can I Have Another Pronouncation?

I saw a woman yesterday gracefully looking inflicted with pyrrhotism in her best beach wear, or lack there of and wondered... what kind of person memorizes how to spell words like pyrrhotism? Damn these spelling bee kids r smrt.

PLO8 at Riverchasers. I finished 25 of 75 simply because Kyra didn't feel like sleeping and logging on would have meant a wraith from the sleepy spouse that will rival those in the octagon this weekend. It was my last legit shot at a BBT3 seat but my thanks go out to those who set up this beast, and hope the next one is similar with better results :)

Enjoy the weekend folks and stay tuned for a little expansion to my need to plague more ears and eyes with my babbling style of writing.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I Came, But Nothing Went

I flop quads.
I suckout once.
I fold for two hours.
I won nothing.

Best. Tourney. Re-Cap. Ever.

If someone doesn't shuttle me to the Rio to give reports like that at the WSOP they're throwing away gold bricks at the rate of Al throwing away handles of SoCo.

Just one question for those of you who have blemished this Earth with their spawn, thus creating another degenerate gambler who will kick the WSOP's ass in 10-20 years, and cause the decay of our nation according to the holy rollers out there:

How did you deal with the shock of the first time you noticed your father's/mother's voice coming out of your mouth when punishing your kid?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Gambling On Life

Staring at the metal green sign with white lettering, there was a choice to be made on State Highway 48 at the T in the road. With “Run to the Hills” coming from a small town radio station I happened to pick up, blaring at just under concert volume levels, perhaps telling me tonight I’d better off not going after the Indian casino’s money for the sake of the economy of their sovereign nation (even though I’ve left copious donations their in the past).

The taunting rung in my ears so loudly sleep was impossible. Cracking a book open to study was more akin to staring at the American flag all night back when stations didn’t have enough Ronco rotisserie chicken cookers ads to sell. Little man in a big pond, I received my first real lesson in life about money, popularity, and how life isn’t fair. She died without saying good-bye. I tried to pick up the pieces left of my sanity, but being surrounded by tequila shooters and an asshole roommate along with his friends, I crumbled into bathroom floor shavings hoping to be swept away before it became too disgusting to walk on any further. Instead I pressed to move back home and finish my education rather then taking a header from the third story the dorm room that would have killed the pain of listening to the daily insults. I graduated years later then expected, but I got the piece of paper proclaiming I read a few overpriced books.

Sitting around the bonfire and putting a dent into the handle of Captain Morgan that would leave an equally sizable impression on my liver, was the safe play. Chatting about the pros and cons of Obama-mania, the correct technique for shooting sperm into a cup, and how defiant the girls are now compared to what they’ll be when training bras and boys come into play would cover the base of the perfect evening under the stars. But, instead I traveled out to Hwy. 48 down to the casino to put my meager bankroll into play.

Looking over to the blonde with the short-ish cut and great ass and a slight smirk that never curled up into a full smile, I wondered if she was truly over her ex-boyfriend. Or rather if the abusive boyfriend with a rap sheet, that included things potential employers would rather not see, was over her was a better question. With a gut half-full of liquid courage and no dignity left I decided to take a risk.

Being greeted with The Fonz on a large plasma screen with his iconic thumb being used to lure slot players towards his free spins, I felt safe yet excited to enter the world that seals itself off from the hotel across the parking lot and the row of fast food restaurants promising the coolest new toys with their kids’ meals. Women and men voluntarily feeding the video games with dollars earned or given to them with a rate of return that would make even the worst money manager at Charles Schwab turn his nose in disgust. It’s about the chase, the bonus round, the blinking lights, the jackpot as another twenty goes in and I’m left watching Fonz hit the virtual jukebox to up the amount of free spins Ms. Aqua Net in the Wal-Mart special paisley dress can win since her wallet seems to hold endless amount of rebuys to hit the 4X multiplier bonus.

Cards of condolence came in. Tears flowed for what seemed like days. What did we do wrong, do we bother trying again? Will it hurt more mentally then physically, will our marriage last if another pregnancy doesn’t take to full term? The dark purple couch matched our drab moods for months, barely looking at each other at dinner, watching movies, riding to work. Trying again meant re-opening wounds that might not heal this time, but not trying meant giving up on parenthood, on us. Now there’s three reasons to chase a paycheck and fry up four strips of bacon in the morning, and each day brings another reason to wake up for tomorrow.

After my slot addiction was sedated by the little red WHAMMY! from Press Your Luck who managed to press all his bad luck on my buy in, I managed to find the table games in the new wing of the casino (no doubt they built it from the couple hundred I’ve dumped here on many occasions). Fresh walls, fresh slots, and could it be…

… PAI GOW!!!!

Yes, my digital number flipping friend with the little dragon to signify my new home to drag me from the evil penny slot pit. Buying in with half of what I brought I figured if I lost it was only money and chasing the joker with hopes of a bonus hand was well worth the entertainment coin I was willing to spend. But, those at the table putting out min bet with faces better reserved for the Royal Oak poker room meant playing just the cards. Squeezing out four aces wasn’t even fun, as my shouts of PAI GOW were vaporized like the bankroll of a pro slot player.

The seizures came and hit like defenseman swinging out his hip after dashing down the ice on breakaway only find my lanky body getting spun like a top in mid-air. Selfishness was a daily feeling as sitting on the couch in a darkened, silent room was the only safe thing to prevent the headaches, the spinning, the embarrassment. Hearing my wife shovel the driveway in the bitter cold that a Minnesota winter can bring, yet I’m chained to sitting like an invalid while Maury excites the crowd by proclaiming the 26th guy is still not the father of this women’s baby. Physical and speech therapy daily for a year, plus the will to be a father versus a welfare check, got me off the couch and back behind the wheel of my pimpin mini-van.

The card room would be small by Vegas’ standards, but with the friendly dealers and douchebags telling me that my eight-seven offsuit was a horrible play after I stack another forty row tower of chips when my straight cracks his limped Kings. I give him a wide pass on douchebaggery talk about “trying to trap me” and other poker spiel I have no ear for any longer after listening to his list of accomplishments at the $2/$4 tables of yore. But, since he finally let it go when I started chatting up about the recent Twins victory, I wouldn’t label the faux mustached kid as a douche. Donator maybe, but not a douche. I figured anyone with a Gary Gaetti pin and old school cap would appreciate a little baseball talk, and that shut all the poker talk up with the speed of a life-term prison con finally getting his first lay after getting paroled. No, I didn’t step up to the plate and play the relatively “big game” for my roll, instead opting for the profitable one. Playing in the smaller game and once being a smart gambler for the first time since I took the left back on State Highway 48.

Look at who’s besides you in bed or dreaming of Care Bears and Transformers in the next room or the shiny shoes in your closet and know that the gambler inside of you is the reason those things and people are there. Just never lose the want to hold the dice and throw the red cubes with a soft, feathery touch down to the other end where the result isn’t known.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Underwear On My Mind

Back from the cabin with a story called "The Gambler" I'd like to post if I can get it out of my head.

A question though:

If a woman has a sizable "tramp stamp" and is worthy of a few head turns, do you expect her to be wearing fruit of the looms granny panties or would that be against the norm?

On a side note, how many got this in their email boxes?


wanted to congratulate you again on being nominated for a prestigious Golden Chip Award, the only poker site awards that do not accept advertisements nor require registration for voting.

As you probably know,your site has been nominated in the following categories: Best Private Poker

BlogVoting for this award period ends June 15, and winning sites will be senta personalized award for display. We have received a total of over 10,000 unique ballots during this voting period, and nearly all categories are too close to call. As voting concludes for this voting period, we just wanted to remind you that it is within our rules for you to encourage users of your site to vote at, and we encourage you to do this.

Best of luck with your site,
Richard Bentley
CEO, Golden Chip Awards

Friday, May 23, 2008

Wow, these sites are getting more and more filled with pokery goodness for the novice and advanced online poker players. I am talking about places to learn about playing online poker like’s site.

The front internet poker page shows a great amount of both live and online poker information. Recent poker news on the right reminding those who are lucky enough to enjoy the World Series of Poker Main Event that should that evade 6,000+ runners in the event and make the final table that you will be waiting till November to go for the rest of the cash.

In the middle of the screen are the best poker bonuses online that the site offers. Each poker site is clearly marked for the size of the bonus you will receive by signing up (bonuses are always subject to hands played/raked hands played). Also, for the U.S. players, the sites unaffected by the UIGEA are listed, including a site I am not familiar with called PlayersOnly Poker which is offering a sizable $1,000 bonus currently.

Further down the page is a Poker Odds Calculator for those who play Hold Em’, but delving a little further in you’ll find an “advanced odds calculator link” which brings up a helpful for the Omaholics like myself two figure heads up odds. Hand of the day evaluations, recent articles, a forum for the readers to post about their latest conquers and bad beats, and Daniel Negreanu’s Full Contact poker blog is featured to round out the up and coming online player’s need to improve their game and bankroll.

I personally enjoy the spaciousness of the different features and crispiness of the website in general. has just enough information for the beginning to intermediate player for a boost to their game without overloading those players with clutter. Thank you for inviting me to the site and this has been a paid advertisement.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Five Hours to Love

Two things before I get ready for a weekend of live poker (Grand Casino Hinckley), finally enjoying the new trailer without murphy's law hanging a cloud over it, and maybe a fine cigar or two:

- A rule of thumb for substitute softball players: If the extra guy comes to the game wearing a New York Yankees cap, he will suck. The more "flair" to the cap (alternative colors, sticker, stitching proclaiming his love to Don Mattingly) you can be sure that sticking your eight month non-athletic pregnant sister in right field would have been a better choice.

- I want to be Chris Cooley. He could have chose Amanda Wenk, but guess the cheerleader will do.

For those inclined, Riverchasers is this evening, if its a non-NLHE format (and I do mean no crappy heads-up tournament where some people get double stacks) you'll find me belting out your favorite 80's hair band songs while watching the Twinkies try to find their identity. One night they look like the Long Haul Bombers taking on a local bar team that decided happy hour started four hours prior to game time (which is the best way to play softball imo). The next night they struggle to insert their two legs into the jock straps.

None of the AL Central teams are showing much gusto except Cleveland, so its there for the taking, yet the Twins seemed mired in the same inconsistancies as my sex life.

I raise a malt cup in hope of some power in the middle of our lineup. Hell, our leadoff hitter has more homers then Mauer, Cuddy, and Young combined!!!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Sugary Delights

Daddy, why do you play this stupid game?

I knew before this Battle of the Blogger Tournaments series started I'd have only a few legit shots at the TOC. Last night was my last bullet, and fell short at the NLO8 Skill Series tourney while at the final table when a pre-flop push with 10BBs left couldn't catch half the pot with a nut low draw and two to come.

PL/NLO8 is exactly as you picture it. Four card bingo at its finest. Yes, the luck factor is high and because 2 out of 4 final tables I've made have been in O8 that makes me lucky right? After looking at how I've busted in most of these BBT3 events you might think otherwise. Like the Mookie final table last week, this was just too little, too late for a serious run at a TOC seat. My congrats to those who have played the majority of these and done well.

Do those looking to get the new "Wii Fit" might want to check their egos because if you're a little overweight the Wii Fit doesn't hold back in letting you know. I'm all for tough love or shocking the system, but my thoughts were with the author as children shouldn't be called fat by a video game.

Almost forgot to thank PokerWolf for hosting the profitable part of my evening on the nickel and dimes tables (we won't mention the cracking my stack took at the NLO8 cash table), saw Steeley McBlogger (yes, I did fold middle set there whether you believe me or not, and I have no reason to lie here) there as well showing his Pittsburgh pride while rooting on the Pens in their upcoming series against the Red Wings.

And yes, I am the Drizz. HOLLA!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Letter of the Day is W

I just figured out I missed out on my last/best shot of sneaking into the BBT3’s Tournament of Champions when the Riverchasers tourney next week was a NLO8 format. Score another bad beat for the home team. I’m still trying to figure out what I was doing that would have prevented me from playing the four card bingo-fest.

Writing? I didn’t post any articles on my other site.

Drinking while on the computer? Entirely possible, but I’d assume someone would have IM’d me that an O8 tourney was going off or if my supposed imaginary internet friends had an evil plot to prevent my participation I will get revenge. Or start reading Catcher in the Rye before the next WPBT live event and go on a killing spree.

Sleeping? Definitely a strong conclusion since unknown allergies have been kicking my ass, leaving me to breathe like a fish out of his bowl at night

Whoever won, I’m sure they played great, cracked hands when needed, yadda yadda yadda. All the disappointing finishes throughout this series have left me asking when is the Pai Gow event going to start? For the good side of the ledger, there has been resurgence in my bankroll thanks to the NL/PLO8 cash games after dropping down a level. With a few more months in the black, I’ll return to my normal game and try once again to break the barrier between the nose bleed levels and stakes that can earn me an Extra Big Gulp with a candy necklace next time I go to the 7-11 after school on my trusty gold and azure BMX Huffy with the missing crossbar due to my face going thru it while attempting a landing and kick ass silver mag rims.

A possibility of returning to the WSOP this year, if only for the juicy $2/$5 PLO8 game that was running is a goal. And I do have a 1 in 18 shot at that thanks to the Bodoggie and the plethora of suckouts I’ve been allotted there.

The question of the day that has been swirling my five remaining brain cells for the past day: What do you do after glancing at a co-worker’s acute camel toe issue?

Suggested finer fitting panties while discussing TPS reports?

Mention that Kohl’s prices on high quality skirts are at an all-time low!

Or go for the gusto and mention their crotch should form a V not a W?

Please chime in with help.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Still A Fanboi

Tomorrow I promise requisite smeared cupcake face pictures from my daughter’s 2nd birthday party. The usual fare of burger and hot dogs with good friends, enough kids to sport a soccer team, and a short lived bonfire built by yours truly without singe marks appearing where hair used to grow on my fingers and face.

Maybe I’ll tell that story at some other time.

Who’s ready for the carnival known as the Levitra (time to whip em out and see who’s the biggest!)/Milwaukee Beast Light (at least the girls go down smoothly)/PartyPoker (ax this one)/Harrah’s (where we tell you to stop gambling like a dumbass but kindly leave your moneys here when splitting 10s against a dealer’s 10) sponsored World Series of Poker!

More drama this year then the past?

Over/Under on cashes by Vinnie Vinh’s chair?

Average cup size of a Milwaukee Beast Light girl?

Lime Toss champ: Pauly or Otis?

More annoying winners cry: Hevan Khan, Humberto Brenes, or will someone top these two?

Who will have the best blogger finish? Final table this year?!?!

This year’s Poker Peek Cards/Poker Tent annoyance.

Will Buddy Dank play the Waffle’s Song for a solid hour if Waffles cashes?

11 days.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Dumps Are Rigged

I went to the dump today to drop off the remainder of the old trailer's roof (1400 pounds of shingles!) and while paying, saw a nifty 17.5% "gas surcharge" was added to the bill.


The out-of-place attractive and busty cashier in the skin tight WWF t-shirt with a sad panda on it didn't even offer a complimentry blow job for the tax raping.

So rigged.

Have a great weekend folks!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

No Gas Means the Burrito Wasn't Good Enough

I got this in my email box:

Just passing the message on: Our government isn't doing anything about fuel prices. It's time we citizens do a 1 day boycott and see if things change. Mexico has federal control on fuel prices and diesel fuel is $2.28/gallon.

NO GAS...On May 15th 2008 - Don't pump gas on May 15th In April 1997, there was a "gas out" conducted nationwide in protest of gas prices. Gasoline prices dropped 30 cents a gallon overnight. On May 15th 2008, all internet users are to not go to a gas station in protest of high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.50 a gallon in most places.

There are 73,000,000+ American members currently on the internet network, and the average car takes about $30 to $50 to fill up. If all users did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take $2,292,000,000.00 (that's almost $3 BILLION) out of the oil company's pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and let's try to put a dent in the Middle Eastern oil industry for at least one day.

If you agree (which I can't see why you wouldn't) resend this to your entire contact list. With it saying, ''Don't pump gas on May 15th"

I heart fuzzy math: $2,292,000,000.00 (that's almost $3 BILLION) and my dick is 8 inches long (THAT'S ALMOST 1 FOOT OF MANHOOD LADIES!!!!1111). So if you don't want that undernourished child in Somalia with the club foot and hand sticking out of his chest to die in the next 24 hours for not following this email, just say no to petrol.

On the poker front, made the Mookie final table with uninspiring play save a little tilt in the middle of it when a flush draw got there for my opponent. No suckouts, no getting my money in behind except for the last hand. At least it paid for the last two weeks of BBT3 buy-ins, but alas no Mookie interview. Too little, too late.

Tomorrow I'll be at Canterbury and hopefully someone will brush the sand off his non-posting vaginal area enough to join me out there for late night poker and PAI GOW! Otherwise, I'll enjoy the races with the family while hitting up the Daily Double beer specials.

Enjoy your non-fuel pumping day today or angry spider monkeys while swarm your house like horny poker bloggers to naked pics of Shana Hiatt. Ok partially clothed, but good enough so its SFW.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Transfering Funds From One Site to Another

I don't watch the NBA anymore unless at a sports bar and the Twinkies aren't blowing late leads before Nathan takes the hill.

But after watching 2.65 Sportcenters a day I get my fair share of NBA highlights, so could someone explain why Chris Paul didn't win the MVP award?

On a quick poker note, my Bodoggie Tournament of Champions seat got cemented last night taking 4th with a page out of the Luckbox's playbook.

Get the money in as underdog, win, profit.

Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong in the BBT3. Another $109 in yummy tournament dollars thanks to the overlay and 3rd place overall with just a couple of tourneys left before the 18 man/woman SnG to play for that $12K WSOP seat.

I was psyched to play split poker in the BBT3 but bad folds, no action on catching a couple of sets, and eventually having to shove my scraps leaving empty and donating my $13 to the cause.

The toss up between rocking out to Guitar Hero and winning that elusive Moooooooookie interview will be determined at gametime. See you tonight.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Its the Best Beats the Rest!

After winning the Texas High School 1A state track meet... My question is: does she get to keep the team trophy?

Yes, I'd still jump the trophies on Amanda Wenk regardless of marital or sexual preferrence status.

My ability to lose in the Hoy in different ways is unsurpassed as I should have lost with Aces early on but sucked out on a flopped straight. Then did something stupid by getting my money in ahead again with Kings after the first break and lost to my favorite hand (99). GG. Night night. Love coming back every week!

Please bring the Red Soxs back to play at the homerdome more often. I've never seen the Twins' bats look so lively. Especially Pap Smear and his stare down of death which gave the Twinkies a nice come from behind victory. Of course now I've jinxed the team and Mauer will probably blow a knee like me and Cuddyer will try to catch the ball with his mouth instead of his hat. But, I'm all for Boston sport teams getting knocked off their holier then thou perch, even if its only May.

Bodoggie and Skillz tonight for those still grinding these tournament series out. My participation will depend on the ability to lift two eyelids after dinner. That Buddy Dank and his evil pushfest with addictive music keep me up too late. Tonight I counter that Waffles Song with the classic Banana Phone!

Monday, May 12, 2008

When Do I Cash In This Karma Check?

If you'd like to know how my weekend went, this phrase says it all:

“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”

The new trailer was great except half the buttons on the microwave didn't work. Then someone's foot got wet from the water leaking in from a faulty caulking job on the slide out. Then my ex-girlfriend showed up to show my wife pictures of us in a car outside the community college we attended, trying to have sex inside a 83' Nova hatchback while we should have been learning about the wonders of middle management at McDonald's. Then we found a tear in the flooring due to an idiot at the assembly plant that was listening to The Pointers Sisters on his iPod he won in a poker tournament a little too loudly and drilled a screw too deep so it tore up everything when pushing out the slide out.

Now, I'm gonna ice down my blown knee and maybe grab my cane to go fetch some water from the well later on after bitching at the kids to get off my damn lawn.

How was your weekend?

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Can I Just Touch Them Once?

Amanda Wenk. You make my heart (and other things) sing.

Nod to JJ who felt staring at lesbian boobs as sizable as Ms. Wenk's were more important then his chip stack tonight.

Then again it usually is.

Friday, May 09, 2008 Site Review

Online poker is a vast playground for those without the means to play live poker, can’t afford the higher buy-in requirement, and/or enjoy twelve tabling which may tired out even the fittest triathlete. Places like’s Online Poker Sites can help out the new and old online player with its vast amount of information, and videos for entertainment.

Just click on the front page and immediately American players can see which sites are dodging the (hopefully soon-to-be-dead) UIGEA and allowing those who take up residence in the U.S. to play almost any form of poker they wish. Check the quick guide here: Best Poker Sites for Americans

Currently many bloggers are competing in a series of tournaments at Bodog for a shot at a World Series of Poker main event seat. Bankrollboost takes the time to review this site and all its amenities, including the very hot Bodog Girls and videos. To be fair, they also include the positives AND negatives of the site which you don’t find on most reviewing sites as they will mostly whitewash players will all glorious feature without warning to a potential downside. Check out the Bodog Poker Review

Flipping to the Best New Poker Sites even an old online poker dog like me can learn a few new tricks. I’d never heard of Sky Poker, PKR Poker, or knew anything about Chan’s Poker except for the T-shirts Johnny Chan wore while standing next to Jamie Gold at the WSOP. This a great section that once again lets you know with a sidebar, if these sites are U.S. friendly (sadly Playboy Poker is not, no free subscription for Drizz).

This has been a paid advertisement, and I thank the sponsor for letting know about their site!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Time is Pennies

Compensation has never been why I post here as I subject readers here to my poorly phrased English mostly for selfish reasons (but I do thank all these advertisers for their business).

But at the other site I'm expected a certain posting rate per month to snag the small paycheck which I do keep up with. Regardless of the ten hour days at the office followed by enjoying what little time I get after getting home to play with the kids, its not easy money to bang out the latest WPT, EPT, online poker going-ons while making sure I don't give away the remainder of my online bankroll playing an hour or two at night.

The other site is why I'm able to head to Chicago in July and The Bash in September, but makes me wonder if its worth it for the amount I'm getting. I knew by working with/for a blogging site that features 100+ blogs that the funds wouldn't come near a gig with a poker-centric twist to them like Pokernews, Pokerworks, etc...

My question is, how do you determine if your time is worth more then the digits to the right of your name on the paycheck? I'm not one for self-promotion, as writing my self-review at work took almost an entire day because I hate listing the things I've done in a cheesy rah-rah GO ME! manner. I figure if I do good enough job, people will notice and gigs come my way, if not no harm, no foul, just continue on and enjoy the extra couple of bucks and be happy that I got the nod to write for that website.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Living for Cheap Cigars at the Gold Coast

The closer the WSOP gets, the more I want to go again.

Even its just to donk off chips in the Venetian Mixed game and take my last $20 of a $400 buy-in and turn it into $100 playing Craps and Pai Gow and call it a win.

Or play Pai Gow into the wee hours with over-worked scribes at casinos long forgotten by the Strip.

To watch the amazing influx of pokery excitement that might be lost on those who toil long hours in the chip counting trenches. But to the causal fanboi like myself there's nothing like a long weekend glimps of pros, joes, and fishy smoes trading hardly earned cash across the Milwaukee Best Light pictured tables at the Rio. As Ferris Bueller once said "life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it". I take those words to heart with every hug of my kids, every time I feel just a little too tired, every possible missed opportunity because I didn't ask on it. Sure, I had a push from a disabling accident that made me lose six years of my life, drifting while not caring if my wife left me, not caring if the fizz left my Cap'nCoke, not caring if a car ran a red light and took away the pain permanently.

Is that people need to feel like I do? Do you need a smack in the head to want a life versus a constant series of events that get you closer to the weekend?

My suggestion is find the nearest brick wall and go home a concussion. Even you feel alone, detached, unwanted, there's always something you can improve.


Granted I'm the furthest example of self-improvement as I've waffled the idea of further schooling for several years but financial and other pint-sized tax deductions remain more important. But, I have learned that tucking away money for the winter is a good thing only if it keeps a roof over your family's head and Hot Pockets in the microwave. Otherwise it should be used to go out and meet those imaginary internet friends in strange places (read those Weekend At Mookies trip reports coming in), or chase down a dream of holding cards at the same table as a red letter Full Tilt pro.

Whatever your end game is, try include some fun if you have a little extra cash before your mind gets too old, too rusted in your ways that you know exactly what is going to happen at 6:30pm CST Monday -Friday (Wheel....... of......... Fortune!).

This summer I'm taking three trips (just snagged my Bash tickets, anyone want a roomie??), but the fourth will depend on either luck, need, or want. The easy route is luck as I'm locked in for the Bodog TOC, and get a 1 in 18 shot at a WSOP ME package. The need will come from an invite to the WSOP to experience a taste of our hard-working blogger's work days or if I can trick someone into viewing my posts as worthy. The want will come from taking another risk of parlaying a little online cash into a WSOP bracelet seat and playing in the wild WSOP cash games where the real poker experience of the WSOP can be found.

There's one thing for certain: I will not being playing that damn Waffle Song on my iPod anymore. Ok, one more time, then its getting filed with every other cheesy pop ballad that has crossed these broken ear drums.

And one more thing. Razz sucks. That is all.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008


A friend of mine that I haven't heard from in quite some time dropped me an email to join Facebook.

No, it was not Niki Belucci coming to whisk me away to show off my white boy dancing skillz at techo-clubs in Zurich, not unlike these bloggers shown here.

So I joined.

What happens now?

(looks at watch)

Ok then.

A congrats to our resident scientist Biggestron, all-around great guy that sadly has fallen to the evils of Red Sox Nation, on his well-fought heads up win at the Hoy last night (that cost me $15 to watch as I got home late from softball and pulled up a PLO8 table to pass the time).

As I wait for something exciting to happen besides cleaning up another ass-plosion while trying to dine out with a potty training child, I'm going to infect your auditory senses with this damn song I can't get out of my head thanks to the Buddy Dank crew (who is still rocking the Borgata by the way).

Skillz series and Bodoggie tonight which I can't play since I'm being whisked back to the diamond this evening despite my knee protesting the very reason I only wanted to play one day a week. Walking around work like I just enjoyed a welcome shower at San Quentin isn't my idea of fun.

Monday, May 05, 2008

When One Door Closes...

No, I didn't win the Powerball.

Sunday morning I dragged my body outside of the cozy pocket of warmth to get rid of another night of punishing a handle of perfect amber colored liquid. The air wasn't too cold for those of the northern ilk, especially with the stylin flannel pj’s the wife got for me. Since the restroom wasn’t as simple as opening an adjacent door, thanks to the wonderful people at Pleasureland RV who’s customer dis-service have my old trailer retaining water and decaying quickly, while my new one sits in a parking lot with notes from the park about needing to move within the week. Their fortitude towards making another one-time customer and infecting possible customers around me, actually forced me to enjoy my time even more up at our cabin.

The walk was no more then a mile round trip, lined with a packed dirt path and pot holes forming from the recent rainfalls and trees getting ready to blossom to full green mode within a few weeks. The devoid of sound other then woodland creatures scurrying about before the overly loud four year olds come outside with their newest buckets and big wheels, gave me a new appreciation to this place. Sure, Saturday’s spaghetti and booze fest mixed in with the excitement of the Kentucky Derby was fun. Chatting with our long time friends in front the fire while kids wore half of their s’mores like a milk mustache brings a smile.

But, that walk alone is what refreshed me, as the kids decided the cramped space of our 12’ X 12’ screenhouse was not sufficient for playing and voiced their opinions negatively the majority of the weekend. All the whines dripped away with each cooled step towards the shower/bathroom community house so I could rinse off the soot off from last night’s fire. But, the door was locked. Normally this would bring a twinge of anger to bubble up, but instead I just looked forward to making another trek later on.

This is how I see that offer to go to Rio this past week (which is going on now, so check out PokerStarsBlog and for details). The journey of banging the English language into submission here for nearly four years has been the calming walk towards a possible job writing about poker on a more serious level, getting turned away wasn’t fun nor upsetting, but I’m still going to enjoy the walk back.

Who knows, maybe next time I try, the door will open.

And if you weren't listening to BuddyDank's crew slaying the Borgata this weekend, do so immediately.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

I Want a Refund

Bob Blackjack, you teased me so with your lightning quick step out of the gate and around the turn only fade faster then a plate of hotdogs in front of Takeru Kobayashi.

Next time give her at least three minutes of fun if you want that man cave.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

A Wife's Plea

*Dearest Full Tilt Poker:

For a couple of years now your website has supplied this family with a little extra income so we can enjoy some finer things in life, like going to Arby’s and splurging on one of those delicious Apple Turnovers after a filling meal while the kids enjoy the latest plastic toy which will get thrown away before we leave the building. Or hitting up the local outdoor strip mall (even during the winter HAR HAR!) and buying a few pairs of sexy, soft cotton underwear (I hate the word “panty”) at Victoria’s Secret instead of that rough shit from Kmart.

But lately the kids and I have been woken by noise in the night. No, not those noises, as I can tell the difference between my husband complaining about poker and finding the perfect double penetration amateur porn to wack off to. For some reason he thinks I don’t know about the spooge-fest, so lets keep that little bit of information between us m’kay? The yells lately are not the ones laced with testosterone after conquering another player and funding another trip to Archivers so I get my 16th pair of scissors that cuts paper in a yet another totally cool way! These yells are from various cock-shriveling defeats at your wonderful Battle of the Blogger Tournament series. He appreciates all the wonderful gifts you’re throwing at the internet scribes and Riverchasers patrons, but wonders why your random number generator is inclined to put a finger up his spine almost every night he stays up to play after re-reading “Crocodile Bus” to the soon-to-be two year old that won’t go to bed? I am the only one allowed to fuck my husband up the ass according to the church we were married at several years ago.

Be aware of this.

Because next time you even think about going near that poop chute with some rag cards to bust his hand after he plays for three hours and ends up waking the kids because you thought it was funny to leave him hanging after a dry hand job with no peppermint lotion causing me to have to deal him humping my leg at one a.m. while muttering “wrap draw” “fuckin Ace-Rag” I will swim to Dublin and personally take my 27oz. Combat softball bat to the kneecaps of everyone since I hate getting my hair wet in the ocean due to the snarls.

Just so we have an understanding, bust him early so he can masturbate and go to sleep, or keep the 15 aces in the deck from hitting the river so he can lose on his own terms.

Or I will bring the pain.

Thank you,

Drizz’s Wife

*this post was written in jest as she’d never swing for the kneecaps and I'm totally kidding as I do enjoy these tourneys and Full Tilt just that the "beats" are becoming hard to handle after two months