Thursday, August 30, 2007

Tilt Level: Lemon-Lime

Remember kids...

Calling off 90% your stack with A7o late in a tourney pre-flop with a reasonable amount of chips is how you get poker room endorsements and chicks like these to accompany you to your weekly badminiton matches at the YMCA.

I'll add on the $1 for the above to Shane and Absinthe for their 10% of a net $19 win in the 14K guarantee at Full Tilt due to my inability to dodge the douchebags who can't even find their dicks to take a piss.

My apologies gentlemen.

I will be enjoy becoming one with the earth tonight as some yard work needs to be done before heading up to the cabin this weekend. Since my attitude sucked while dropping a buy in at the PLO8 tables, a night with shovels, gloves and cold beer sounds more appealing then dumping money to a nut peddler.

Have a great holiday weekend folks, and if you want to listen to Mouth Guitar Guy as much as I do, tune into during the Common Man Cole show 12-2pm CST.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Are Those Real?

Soon I will be visiting the land that silicone and professional athletes built with a few friends, and was hoping for a couple of tips for these establishments that offer free buffets and bOObies!

I’ve already asked the female friend type one of these questions, and thank her gracefully for her unabashed answers.

- I know tipping the dancers in these adult playgrounds will warrant a slap in the face from the good doctor, do you tip the bouncers/bartender?

- If you are choosing to spend two songs of private time with a young lady of questionable morals (not that mine will earn me sainthood), are there physical signs of a well trained dancologist I should look for?

- Since its been several years visiting such an establishment and knowing displays of female flesh beyond a bare shoulder will cause the need to make subtle adjustments during the above mentioned dance to avoid tent-like wardrobe embarrassments, will the future actress, lawyer, pet shop cashier be turned off enough to call over “Red” from the front door and stamp “pervert” on my forehead while tossing my 6’4” frame like a Olympic decathlete throwing a javelin into the streets?

- Are there any other precautions an amateur should take to avoid getting “taken” at these time honored establishments?

I humbly thank you for taking the time to prevent a night of fun from turning into explaining to my wife why I’m missing a few teeth with glitter on my Minnesota Twins boxers.

Thanks for dropping by, now did anyone play in the Bodog blogger tourney last night? I was at softball and wondered if people were able to play or transfer moneys into the site.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Honey, I Shrunk My Summer

Due to circumstances completely under my control, I seemed to have lost my summer. If anyone could remember where I lost it I would appreciate its return to days of cold beer on the deck after a night of softball instead of the murky winds of fall already peaking thru.

For most people, school buses, a returned interest in TV and online poker signify a change in the season. Instead of pants-free nights on the computer there’s a blanket to ward off the chill from the air conditioner that you no longer need on. Personally, its all about the Great Minnesota Get Together that changes the leaf colors. If you’ve never been to the Fair, or wonder why 100,000+ chalk white Norwegians gather daily for over a week near Como Avenue to eat overpriced food on a stick and add to their farmer tans, it is something to be experienced at least once.

Most people will come, look at a the crowds, smell the ripe cow patties walking from the makeshift field parking lot and maybe hang out enough to have a dish of cheese curds but never take in what makes it special. It’s the 4-H exhibits of art, including a shocking black and white large photograph of a toddler with stitches outlining the wrong end of a fight with the family dog who looms near the backdoor of the house. It’s the radar gun that was rigged to show that I can’t throw harder then a little leaguer anymore but still had to try for that inflatable Twins bats for the starry eyed four year old looking to bring home more useless knickknacks from the Mighty Midway. The Leinie Lodge providing live entertainment and 3.2 beer while the Vulcans from St. Paul roamed sinfully in the parade behind the crowd.

Irrelevant. Fun. And usually too tiring to get thru the 22,800 steps it takes to work off a giant turkey leg, but I’ll be ready again next year with an empty stomach and a family wanting one more shot at the giant Lucky Bear Care Bear doll that will end up in the rafters a week after putting a ring around a Coke bottle.

Thanks for dropping by, now any poker night you lose two buy ins and a half (ahead each time) that would have paid for the December trip to Vegas, but take down a $5 SnG and give it back playing HORSE versus some internet poker donkeys it’s a great night of poker in my book. Friends are the best tonic for tilt.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Slot Machines with Cards

If Pot Limit Omaha is a gambler’s poker game, No Limit Omaha 8 or Better is the degenerate gambler’s game. Open push for a full stack to win the blinds? No problem! But, do you want to call with that very playable hand? Your hand is connected, sOOted, great chances to scoop, but can you pull the trigger on the push monkey (below goes to show that aces in Omaha are not what they seem)? pokenum -mc 500000 -o8
ac as 5d 9h - ah 2s 3h qs
Omaha Hi/Low 8-or-better: 500000 sampled boards
cards scoop HIwin HIlos HItie LOwin LOlos LOtie EV
As Ac 5d 9h 168055 313806 184904 1290 26541 150363 5897 0.500
Qs 2s Ah 3h 166556 184904 313806 1290 229929 10507 5897 0.500

A majority of the time, yes you will be shown AAXX and call while flipping coins or behind forced to watch the cards fall as they may while you spam the “get chips” button in anticipation of reloading. Is it “real” poker though? After playing several hours/days of both Pot Limit and No Limit Omaha its difficult to understand why people flip coins pre-flop in these games when sitting and nut peddling could net you better results. But, the players are getting better in these games, and since there’s a smaller pool of Omaha players you can be assured notes about your donkey plays are being taken, why not take advantage of that?

Pushing pre-flop a few times with crappy aces may net you only the blinds but if a note gets tagged to your avatar “only pushes with aces” people who would normally call for their stack pre-flop with a decent hand may think twice if you’re holding AAXX. Save the coin flips for getting low on chips in a tourney or a pressure bet, as pushing preflop or post flop for 10x the pot in these cash games should be reserved for trapping a player that calls a little bit too loosely and taking a 70/30 advantage to swipe that stack away from the mouth breather.

Sorry for the pokery stuff but the Fair drained my wallet and left a case of deep fried rot in my belly that after several Sunday newspaper sections on the throne haven’t cleared that last cheese curd. Yes, StB they did squeek, but still not as good as the Dells. More on the Fair with pictures of cute kids splattered in chocolate chips from Sweet Martha's Cookies tomorrow.

Thanks for dropping by, now next time I start singing 80’s pop music please tell me to leave my NLO8 game and find a $1 donkament if I’m sitting on almost five buy ins. I’d be a sad panda if my Full Tilt account was left with no mobneys and only enough player’s points for a Matusow stress ball and key chain.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Famous Last Nipples

If Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel showed up naked on your doorstep begging for sex...

... which one would your wife let in?

This has been brought to you by a drunken Drizz who's going to go pass out now after a monster day on the NLO8 tables.

Cheese curds in T-minus 7 hours

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Fishing for Salmon

You are swimming along merrily showing off a wide string of pearly white, razor sharp teeth to those who venture near your part of the ocean seeking friendship. “Come on in the water is fine” is the vibe you send off as fish and humans alike are torn apart in your savage 180s as you change from friendly flubbery shark that had a bit part with Will Smith in “Shark Tales” to something shown as a greatest hit on Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week”.

But, there’s a new fish in the pond. He’s small and looks rather harmless as he coasts along without a care to your presence. You grin in excitement of the sure kill, but subconsciously wonder “why is he so calm”? The predator in you lashes out with force that could take down an ocean liner, yet the little fish continues to bop along like he’s listening to Avril Lavigne on the way to the mall to hit on Shelli working the perfume counter at Macy’s.

“Hmmmmm, taste like chicken” you say after finishing that last bite with some tartar sauce. After getting home to the reef and turning on reruns of Charles in Charge, a rumble develops in your belly and that last dial-a-shot from AlCantHang isn’t going down as mother nature intended. Soon, you break out in sweats as your heart is beating strong enough to make the P on your PokerStars shirt visibly thump and you struggle to stay vertical like Otis after a few Grey Goose martinis.

He was a good shark, a kind shark, but fuckin stupid for eating that puffer fish” says the pastor as you’re laid to rest on the beneath the ocean floor.

Next time you’re cranking along in that SnG, ring game, or MTT online and think those notes on certain trout-like player are correct, make sure to check closer before eating the tainted fish filet. Not having respect for your opponents is one of the biggest mental mistakes a poker player can make. Make a read, stick with a read, but don’t assume a player is bad because they once called your all-in with AJo and your level 15 play with a suited connector didn’t work.

Thanks for dropping by, now as I may have mention a few times I’ll be snacking on two pounds of fresh cut fries and cheese curds tomorrow at the fair to work off any alcohol that may be consumed this evening during donkaments with the bloggers night.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I Think He Gets It From Me

From the things you wish you taught you kids file: How to kiss

Not sure if the boy is going for a kiss or trying to eat her chin. But the unintentional comedy is the reason why I'm proud to be a parent.

Two days to cheese curds at the Minnesota State Fair. Find me at this booth.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I Dream of Jennie

Mad Gab!

Putt Meow Tough Mime Missouri

A hint: Morning after a long night at the bars, or finishing on the bubble via bad beat after five hours in a MTT

You’re dreaming of this cute geekish chick (or guy if you’re into that sort of thing), the setting is a Venetian penthouse suite that you’ve procured after rolling for two straight hours on the $100 minimum bet craps tables. The champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries are waiting bedside. As you wait on the plush bed with enough pillows to build a replica of Fort Knox, she steps out of the bubbling Jacuzzi throwing away that librarian look for the cover girl of Hustler with every soap bubble popping from her slim, athletic body.

The slow dulcet tunes of a jazz trio fill the room with anticipation as she crouches on the foot of the bed with lust in her emerald green eyes. Crawling up towards you, purring like a cat that was just stroked in the right spots…

… then some no-neck 3rd rate nightclub bouncer complete with 90s styles phone cord earpiece barges into the room.

“You’ve already checked out sir, now step away from the bed as its time to leave”

And you wake up way too early to a Brad Paisley song emitting badly from a clock radio you won at the church carnival playing skee-ball with your oversized cat using your balls as swatting practice.

Can I go back to bed now?

Thanks for dropping by, now I took a little offense from “Common Man” Cole yesterday’s KFAN broadcast concerning Santana’s blowout performance with his 17Ks plus shutout.
Why downplay such a dominating string of pitching with “the Rangers probably partied all night at Shiek’s, Déjà vu, Dream Girls and were hungover at the time”. C’mon, I know the bitter pill is hard to swallow that Santana will probably be moving on to bigger bucks, but why not relish his presence now and applaud his diligence in performing at that level despite a team that put up a total of one run for support. Even if he’s performing for a bigger contract, he’s going out and doing the job he’s paid for and striving for extra credit. That’s more then the water noodle bats of the bench players on the Twins could say right now.

And… at least he didn’t drown or shoot Old Yeller. If there’s justice Vick will end up in general population in the pen.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Its Time for the Great Minnesota Get Together

I thought it was an urban legend regarding the gross overpayment of supplies for our men and women in the armed forces. This story ain’t coming from Snopes folks, and basically it’s the EBay trick of buying the item for a fraction of the cost and charging you the item’s cost for shipping. Except the shipping cost for these nineteen cent items included a couple Porsches, beach house, and a few Happy Meals at McDonald’s for good measure.

Can any bloggers play poker? Chalk up two more big final table scores for Absinthe and LuckBox Bayne. Me? I racked up an impressive 40th out of ~600 runners in a one dollar rebuy tourney! Sadly, I lost the last longer bet to Speaker who drank his way to a higher finish.

It’s a sarcasm thing again folks, I do it once in a while speaking of poker since my poker resume reads more like Stan from overnight at Home Depot trying to “move up” to a cashiering position so he can drool over the unattainable blonde Kassie who’s more worried about her three boyfriends coming into the store at the same time versus noticing the thousand dollar impact wrench the gentlemen is sneaking out in his cart under the five dollar piece of plywood.

Or maybe the thief thought he was shopping at the Pentagon…

Its not stasis as I routinely push for playing a little higher once-a-week, except in the tournament realm (minus the WSOP) where I am firmly in the low stakes bracket and there to stay since stringing together 4-5 hours of free time is only available one night a week, and playing “serious” poker isn’t on the agenda for that night. Ugh. I just sounded like one of those guys who sues a bar for getting drunk and totaling their car didn’t I?

I play a high variance cash games like PLO and PLO8 6-max, yet I can’t justify spending more then $26 on a tournament and even that carries a three drinking minimum with enablers like those chatting away about pubic hair shaving on IRC. I believe someone wrote about “playing games that are familiar” while building that bankroll and keeping the stakes low when “having fun” at things outside of your profitable game. Which I do, but when I looked at my ROI % in Omaha tourneys at Full Tilt it gets me to thinking that perhaps I should push for a poker night that I can start a little earlier in the evening to take some shots before the two tax deductions are shuffled off to bed under dreams of CHEESE CURDS AT THE STATE FAIR ON FRIDAY WHOO WHOO! Would Lindsay Lohan eat a cheese curd? Just wondering.

Or perhaps I’m content with winning a little here and there, moving up levels with the speed of a three toed sloth but being profitable along the way. And if it gets me back to the poker tent at the Rio next year for the WSOP, does it matter?

Thanks for dropping by, now if you love bacon in a way that it turned your uppity neighbor chalk white after seeing that g-string you fashioned from the 5 pound maple smoked thick cut bacon fresh from the butcher’s shop while getting the morning paper…

… hop or oink for that matter, over to AlCantHang’s for the writing contest designed for those who dream in pig latin.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Hugs Make the World Go Around


Reading Mrs. Otis at work may cause excessive needs to jump over your cubical wall, dodge idiot motorist, and run home to give your kids a hug.

And when the kids are safely tucked into their (insert Pixar movie) bed sheets this evening, anyone up for donking around a few tourneys before I head up north to the cabin?

While I've caught a four pound smallmouth bass (and that's not exactly little), its nothing compared to the whopper caught by the wee blogfather. I can imagine the smile still hasn't left his face :)

Have a good weekend folks!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Yes, I Dislike Losing

Minus a few lines of whine, I hardly felt the missed rivers when I hands didn't hold up last night. But there will be no pokery musing today as I'm extending my lengthy middle finger towards flush-chasing monkeys that prevented me from getting a token because a $26 token it worth much more then a stack at the $.50/$1 tables of course.

Below are some scribblings by authors you may have heard of, read at your own risk (and enjoy every paragraph by these master keystrokers which bring you stories you won't find at your local Barnes and Noble). Rock on Pauly. The previous attempt of internet sarcasm as been brought to you by the Michael Vick legal defense team, where the motto is "abandon ship!!!".

Enjoy the new Truckin' folks.

Truckin' August 2007, Vol. 6, Issue 8

We're back with the last issue of the summer featuring some of your favorite writers.

1. Pyramid by Paul McGuire I quickly discovered that Seattle was a bastion for the super weird. You needed to have layered eccentricies in order to stick out among the masses of freaks. Goth-dykes with foot fetishes might freak people out in conservative cities and small towns, but in Seattle, that puts you in the core group of "normal people."... More

2. Cross-word by Sigge S. Amdal Her hair was in explosive disarray across the pillow like the blood spurt pattern from a shotgun blast. It was slightly blond, streaked with brown and very beautiful. It looked like the crossroad of infinite options where only a handful suggested returning to the bed. She was fast asleep... More

3. Meeting Mama McGrupp by Change100 I had yet to meet Mama McGrupp. Pauly assured me it was for a good reason. All I knew about this woman was that she was five feet tall, chain-smoked, had a wicked New York accent, was overly fond of Amaretto, and never had anything nice to say about anyone... More

4. Kansas Clouds by Susan B. BentleyClick. I got a photo of Kat just before she gave me the finger. Lying back down, I moved the lens across the sky, trying to capture a cloud on its journey. I sat up and took a picture of the track ahead. Nothing but mud and dust, bordered by fields of corn slowly moving in the breeze, nothing but empty for miles ahead... More

5. Summer Story by May B. Yesno Friends are a difficult thing. As a matter of fact they are almost impossible. Difficult to find for the first thing and just as difficult to keep - especially in a mobile society... More

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Its All Just Poker

Poker-y opportunities present themselves in mysterious ways (break out into the U2 song here if you wish) around my house after the kids head off to bed. Flicking on the computer to do nothing more then write for the “serious” blog becomes a three hour tangle with the uber-donkeys in the nightly 28K at Full Tilt. Since my recent string of trying to obtain a wooden $26 token have been swatted away like David Ortiz sending a hanging curve ball somewhere near the Canadian boarder (I’d use a Twins’ analogy here but they score about as often as I do in bed).

With nay a token in the moleskin pouch, I had to jump into the wilderness of the 28K by buying directly. Direct buy-ins are not something I’m fond of doing, after all I’d much rather blow $100 in the first fifteen minutes chasing flush and low draws in ring games. The tournament was somewhat of a causal stroll around Lake Nokomis, quiet for the most part with the outer sounds of geese expressing their displeasure for stepping in their bathrooms and the cars busily zooming by on their way home for their occupants to catch the final Jeopardy question. Little thought involved over the three hours as a few steals and one set versus a OMGITSAFLUSHDRAWLETSPUSHALLIN that thankfully missed all 50 outs and shipped me some minor mobneys at the end when I couldn’t get someone to let go of a pair of fives for half their stack.

Are these tourneys considered “real” tournament poker? Or does the buy-in need to exceed a certain amount to be taken seriously? Me, I enjoy these card lotteries for entertainment and the potential high return, but don’t put much stock into them as “serious” poker mainly due to the devaluation of the chips for 95% of the tournament. Sure the chips have value prior to the final table of a MTT, but isn’t that when they’re worth the most and pressure bets actually have a certifiable meaning. Making a level 28 poker move by pushing with a OESD and whining when called by a measly pair that holds up during blind level four isn’t compelling poker, its gambling. You’re gambling that your opponent has read one or two poker books and “understands” your pressure bet, you’re gambling that they’re not bored, and you’re gambling that they cared about pressing the radio button and the funds to pay for the tourney which you find yourself sitting on the sidelines of.

There’s no doubt there’s skill involved with each brand of poker, but when the chips are pure entertainment versus cashable funds it adds a layer of accountability to keep those chips. Also, many people say “well the buy-in wasn’t high enough to be serious”. Its all relative, and unless you know the player personally, I have a hard time believing people can tell the difference online. A PLO8 regular called out someone after minor beat and did the “U SUK!!! LOLOLOLOL” uninteresting chat while challenging him heads up to a sword swinging match. The “donkey” (who really wasn’t) calmly took him on his offer and sat down at $10/$20 with the max buy in waiting for the steamer to join (he didn't). The point is those who appear to be a bad player that doesn’t care about the money might not be (in a tourney or cash game), and those with a bulge in their pants barking loudly probably misplaced a tube sock in their pocket.

Thanks for dropping by, now please view Hitler’s displeasure towards online poker, sehr gut!

Thank you Mr. Rini.

Monday, August 13, 2007

I Heart Air Conditioning

When is my two cent head ever going to listen to my semi-aging body? No, you cannot play ten softball games a weekend in 90 degree plus heat and expect to have the poise of a runway model on coke in heels during a Marshall Fields fashion show the next day. I’ve heard of a product called “sunscreen” that protects fair skinned white boys like myself from showing up to work with a neck that resembles a well-cooked crustacean with butter and a side of cole slaw.


Anything to play and feel the plush grass in your face after diving unsuccessfully after a ball because you saw the same play on Sportscenter last night and thought you could replicate #7’s play-of-the-day. As a parent and 9 to 5 working man, the chances to spend a weekend as one-of-the-guys are few and far between. Breakfast on Saturday morning with a little hair of the dog with the team, plus greasy bacon and eggs at a local diner started the weekend off right. And an interesting home game ended the day with a mix of 16 guys on the team and their wives/girlfriends/chicks-that-were-very-hot-and-I-tried-not-to-drool-profusely-on-my-uniform-while-not-staring.

Of course I get outed by my wife’s cousin who plays on the team by introducing me as the guy who played in the World Series of Poker. Target painted.

But, at the end of the four hour tourney (smoke breaks, kick ass queso dip break, beer breaks) your hero walked home with a chop of first place after outflopping a weak ace with T7o and still not looking at the guy’s very attractive lady across the table with questions about playing at the Rio. Nope, but I did want to ask if they were real. The prize money made up for a little financial fiasco while retrieving dinner before being coaxed into playing the poker tourney.

Kentucky Fried Chicken had some BRAND NEW TERKIYKI BONELESS WINGS that looked good enough to go with an order of mashed taters and biscuits since the eggs from earlier in the morning worked their way to bottom of a nasty smelling port-o-potty at the ballpark. Not that I helped with the stench. I place the order with the food service representative for these nuggets of chemical goodness (not horrible, but tasted a little “metallic”, chicken quality saved them) and my order came to $6.38 complete with a welcomed ice cold refreshment. Driving around to the window I hand the hard working gentleman a twenty and receive the dinner and drink in my scalding hot car since I’d been playing softball since 9am and leaving the windows up rendered my rust bucket to turn into oven.

(Side Note: Why the hell are most steering wheels black? I think oven mitts would have been appropriate handwear while driving)

Being tired and feeling like I just downed a row of Jag bombs I drove off without receiving the remains of my financial transaction with the Colonel. The money was gone hopefully to supplement one of the worker’s Coors Light beer fund, but since I didn’t figure it out until the second bite of chicken hit my mouth at home in the a/c (and I was 15 minutes away). I admit to several levels of retardation in forgetting the money, but shouldn’t the drive thru jockey give the change BEFORE handing the food to the obviously mindless idiot in the sweat drenched green softball uniform?

Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I should learn its much more fun giving away funds at the Omaha tables instead of paying twenty bucks for a dinner that goes thru the digestive system faster then your local Chinese buffet.

Thanks for dropping by, now I was hopping to congratulate Speaker on his FTOPS cash this morning but he ran into the brick wall of the RNG a little short of the money.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Maigrey Wins the HORSE Tiara

Congrats go out to Maigrey for leaving me with three hours of sleep today before I head up to the cabin.

She put on a H.O.R.S.E. clinic last night during the FTOPS at Full Tilt. Got called a donkey more times then I could count, but raked the chips in to take 28th out of over 1,000.

Boys just didn't learn to fear the princess :)

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Calling to Fold

I broke a rule about playing poker last night and was smite for two stacks by calling stations and persons with less intelligence then your average front quarter panel of a Yugo.

It seems after you’ve received shock therapy that the 50,000 volts of punishment for touching the offending behavior, that people really don’t learn. I set a rule “don’t play when others are up”, every once in a while I’ll find myself floating for a flush card to hit or playing three tables while attending to my love one’s sore feet.

And I lose. Every. Time.

After two years of setting this constraint (which has exceptions, like a blogger tourney, FTOPS-type qualifier, or playing lower limit SnGs when the kids are almost in bed) I still manage to give away mobneys that should have gone towards a trip this summer or increased the bankroll to a point at which I’d feel comfortable moving up.

But nooooooooooooooo, the gambling monkey inside was beating against the cage after watching a table where the players didn’t seem to care about silly things like paired boards or possible flushes. If you don’t put much weight on WHEN you play versus how you play (strategy, book knowledge, not sucking), then I challenge players to look at their spreadsheets and poker tracker stats and see WHEN those bad session were and give yourself some insight as to why you thought it was a good idea to bluff a flush card for a whole stack when the calling station was going to call down anyway.

Never would you think of doing that. Right?

Thanks for dropping by, now I’m going to wallow in self-pity tonight and force myself not to even turn on the laptop. The monkey is beaten but not in a lubed up way and needs to rest.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Monday, August 06, 2007

One More in the Books

They say seven is a lucky number.

Over the past few years one could describe my marriage as calm as Game Seven of the World Series with the home team down by one with bases juiced and two outs with the star player up to bat versus a closer that blows a save about every time Halley’s Comet drops by. Our existence together has not been one without its share of arguments over things large and small. Fun only came into play when our two little bundles of joy were enjoying a day at the park or a cool run in the backyard sprinkler.

The thunderclouds sat over our heads threatening rain with every verbal exchange beyond the “how was your day?”. A co-habitation more then a marriage, roommates versus lovers, our son definitely picked up on it by acting out more often then a two to three year old normally would. “We need to do something” was a theme, a forgotten promise, but never became a reality as the sky would poke some sunrays thru but the clouds would quickly swell up and smother them, pinching off any warmth.

Long nights behind the dim light emitted from my Gateway laptop, blinking numbers and virtual chips being thrown across a pixelized felt. Fold, raise, call, easier decisions to make then how to tell your wife that life together can’t go like this. Bluffing someone off their hand sedated my competitive spirit for the evening, but unable to enjoy the spoils of another night in the black (or red like this weekend) on my spreadsheet, made even poker become part of a routine to get by.

Could things change?

Would things change?

Is it worth it?

After a long session due to final tabling a low buy in tourney, I snuck in to each of their rooms just watch how peaceful how family was, and how much they meant to my happiness, thus decided to be selfish and fight for that peace. Ultimatums were not passed on, but the discussions between the holders of the rings were a little more serious then turning down my son’s requests for a new Hot Wheel supertrack at Target.

She finally saw our lives together thru my eyes, and the mirror image reflected back something she didn’t want to be anymore. That’s when I got my wife back.

Since that day at the doctor’s office someone new comes home with paint laced clothing and a smile about how her day went. The kids have responded by passing on their energy towards having fun versus being burdens. My perception of my family and my marriage has changed, I want to come home at night, I want to get my balls accidentally rattled because I was watching “Survivor” and didn’t see a charging now four year old come at me groin level for a hog pile, because dad is free game if he’s laying down on the carpeted floor in the porch.

Gone are the shards of broken glass around the house, no longer do I require to be Baryshnikov dancing en pointe to hold a conversation with my love not walk away mumbling with anger.

Finally the woman that I married came home, and I hope to see her next to me in Myrtle Beach, at Chuck E. Cheese, and in bed until my body has spent enough time swimming in Cap’n Cokes and decides to give up.

Happy anniversary hon, and I promise to try to be the guy that walked you back down the aisle seven years ago minus the scrapped and bleeding shin from softball because that really hurt as it stuck to my tux.

Thanks for dropping by, now I’m going to try to figure out the meaning behind my wife buying me lotion for an anniversary gift…

Friday, August 03, 2007

Sponsor Pimp

Sponsor Roll:

I'd like to thank those folks once a month for their advertisements on this site. Granted I'd be blogging regardless, but it does keep the poker funds afloat for when people like luckbox Jordan hit four outers and turn it into a 2nd place in the BBT freeroll. Congrats sir!

Bodog: They don't just have the worst players on the internet, they add in some hot Bodog chicks to stare at while getting yet other player to stack off with second pair no kicker.

Cardschat: Rapidly expanding poker forum and excellent daily blogs for all your poker needs.

Poker Source Online: Who doesn't like free stuff just for signing up to new poker rooms? I managed to snag a nice Best Buy gift card and a little extra cash off the players for sign up to a couple of their promotions.

BonusKey: A plethora of bonus codes for those who like to hop around the net while collecting bankroll dollars for just playing

Full Tilt: These guys know how to keep a player happy as one of the premier sites for online poker. Their reloads, promotions, and helpful website make the donkeys feel right at home as they fund my next WPBT trip.

LaunchPoker: The easy to read highlight bar gives the reader a quick link to a poker story that catches their attention.

OnlinePokerReport: Well planned layout gives the poker player a map to whatever they are looking for in the online poker world.

I get the kids alone all weekend, as the trade-off for guys' weekend last week. Do you think strip clubs have day care and chicken nuggets with strawberry applesauce for the kids to eat between acts?

Have a great weekend folks and congrats again to all the cashers in the Blogger Challenge last night :)

Thursday, August 02, 2007

BBT Freeroll Tonight

Since I have a morality story stuffed in my head that won't come out yet due to the horrific bridge collapse yesterday I just stick to pimping two big blogger tourneys coming up:

From AlCan'tDrink:

Tournament: Battle of Blogger Tournament $2,500 Freeroll (MONEY ADDED BY FULL TILT!!)

When: Thursday, 22:00 ET


Password: Qualifiers already pre-registered

And of course the higher stakes game for bloggers who need a little more at stake, four figure payday is usually had at Miami Don's "Big Game". Grab a $75 token during the nightly $14 + $1 MTT token frenzy at Full Tilt which should be filmed for an instructional video on how not to play satellite poker.

August 5th
9:30 EST
One "Big Token or $69 + $6
Password: donkey
Check your ego at the door

Stay away from the big stack tard on the bubble and pocket the token. Easier then beating your son at Wii bowling. Actually that's not easy, and I usually lose...

While checking out Don's site yesterday, he put up a link to Big Stack which computes your tournament results. KOD, how many frickin tourneys do you play in a day?!?! Wow nice results!

I was surprised at the results (they're missing my recent PLO win, but fairly accurate besides that). But, I'm not convinced in the cash vs. tourney profitablity arguement since I don't play tourneys with big enough buy ins to make a huge score and just blogger tourneys for the most part. In the future I'll plunge back into a tourney challenge once the bankroll is shored up to take a sustained hit without having to cry about losing coin flips or two outers after playing for four hours.

Thanks for dropping by, now the death toll is up to nine with the unbelievable events yesterday, please pray for the families of those who lost someone or are missing (20 as of this morning).

EDIT: Some very close photos of the bridge scene and wreakage.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Minnesota I-35W Bridge Collapse

"The river teams are no longer in there rescuing, they are in recovery mode"

I-35W bridge collapses in Minneapolis.

Not good, and death tolls are coming in.

Youth Gone Wild

I've been trying to get out these words after reading the blogs about the "younger" set of internet poker phenoms running over the asshat limit.

Here's that post in words that only Otis could weave together to get the message out without sounding like that old jaded rock in the worn out Gold Coast t-shirt and fanny pack who only plays wired pairs above 8s and AK while in position and is still playing only for the $1/hour comps so he can buy a hot dog for dinner.

And to those who are way late to the Neteller party, send that email to get back your account number you once memorized and withdraw immediately if not sooner. G-Rob lets you in on the disclaimer they have you mark but don't necessarily have to agree to for the funds...

... or you could buy a new kitchen like Otis with the "found" change in the proverbial Neteller couch

Me? I have my eye on a certain trip in December since the money was a little less then a set of new stainless steel appliances. But will pay for a lukewarm sandwich and cookie on Sun Country Airlines.