Sunday, May 31, 2009

Turbo Takedown at Stars with Cars

In about two hours at 14:30ET, I suggest you join a couple thousand PokerStars players and make ways for the anniversary of the $1 Million Turbo Takedown.

The "buy in" has been lowered to a paltry 2,000 FPPs, and if the $100,000 $40,000 (different from previous months) awarded for first isn't enough, today everyone will be playing for a Porsche Cayman S!

I'll be there at a reporting capacity at the final table so someone run good for the next nine hours and give me your first ride in that new car :)

Friday, May 29, 2009

He's Not Worth 10 Cent Chew Spit

Sportscenter "Cold Hard Facts" this morning:

"Brett Favre not in Vikings mini-camp mean anything?"

Seriously? People get paid six figures to drum-up jello hitting sports journalism questions like that?

I'll take a wild stab and say it means he's not playing, doesn't plan on playing, and the Vikes do not want him to play. Favre can go on with a wedge of Kodiak Wintergreen in his cheek planting a row of snap peas while listening to Peter King twitter alerts.

"Tom Brady back-up plans"

Everyone in the Northeastern United States cries if the world most un-eligible bachelor's knee goes down like George Washington's tree and he ends up nailing a supermodel twice a night instead of once for physical therapy.


Almost forgot to thanks StB's Brewers for funding part of the Chicago trip next month. Salut!


WSOP mandatory reading list stolen from Al who was up late railing a certain low roller as he won a 90 man tourney, finished 2nd in a 45 man, final tabled a Razz MTT, and finished 93 out of 2,000+ in the Midnight Madness this morning.

I rule!

Blog reading during the WSoP:
Poker From the Rail
Dr. Pauly
Wicked Chops Poker
Poker Stars Blog
Ulimate Bet Blog

For Twitter-rific folks on the suggestion of Pauly, Annie Duke's feed is damn funny.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

What Does Your Twins Jersey Say About You?

Since there’s a trip to Chicago in my near future for the enjoyment of an afternoon baseball game pitting the Cubs of Chicago versus my hometown Twins, my indulged me with an early Father’s Day gift of an authentic number seven Joseph Mauer jersey. This jersey will be on display during the game after my twelfth or thirteenth beer and hopefully will allow for some conversation with the tepid Cubbies fans.

I can’t wait.

My visit to Waveland Avenue last year saw many things that could not be unseen. The bachelorette parties complete with women of varying shapes and sizes that in most cases deserved a lecherous double-take from this happily married man. Married doesn’t equal dead and blind, as seen by the “face boner” (copyright JoeSpeaker) sported by a man with impeccable beer and breakdancing taste.

Deaf perhaps, but if you know the author here, I’ll be hearing a little more of the jeers of the bleacher bums this year thanks to my project to become Lee Majors’ Six Million Dollar Man, minus the good looks because frankly technology can only do so much.

What does a sports jersey say about a person? Lets take a look from a homer point-of-view and check out Twins jerseys since I count myself as a member of this ilk now:

Joe Mauer – You could be mistaken for bandwagoning onto the current superstar of the team, but most likely auctioning to be draped with former Miss USA’s and assorted women who don’t hurt your eyes. Your perfect stance while obtaining a foot long hot dog, malt cup, and 42 oz. Budweiser at the Metrodome (soon to be Target Field) are the envy of all fellow fans.

Justin Morneau - You’re the Shaq to his Kobe, Malone to his Stockton, Gehrig to his Ruth, the other swimmers on Team USA to Phelps. A star in your own right, but not adored by fans in your own market due to the prom king’s hometown ties. Yet you display an air of coolness without being cocky. Due to being able to say “eh” without snickering, people give you northern street cred and would gladly buy you a Schmidt or Hamms at the local pub while discussing what’s hitting on Lake Vermillion this morning.

Johan Santana or Torii Hunter – You live in denial, cursing the economy and rising gas and milk prices daily wishing the Twins were from a bigger market. Angry at the world you resort to stories about how things used to be back in high school when there were three chicks waiting at your locker after the JV football game just for the chance to give you a blow job. You’re on your second or third marriage hating the fact that your ex is currently CEO of a Fortune 500 company after bringing home a three figure paycheck from a job as an assistant staple remover at OfficeMax while with you.

Nick Punto – You are scrappy, and have a never give up attitude including taking several slaps from the hottie at the local TGI Fridays that rejected your first twenty advances and finally decides to throw you a pity fuck. You overcome your lack of skills with loyalty and would make a good spouse for a dominatrix.

Kent Hrbek – You long for days at the lake with a 30 pack of Gluek Lite (gotta watch your waistline for softball season) with your trusty Golden Retriever named Gary. While your playing days are over, you can still talk a good game and people want to be around you for stories about the time you threw a perfect nine dart win in Cricket at Texa-Tonka Lanes after the 2001 Wednesday Bowl-a-Saursus league.

Roy Smalley – Your hair is unrivaled and hasn’t been seen since the 1976 California Little League regional championship when Joe Speaker took the field looking to improve on his 4 for 5 with 5 RBIs performance against Santa Barbara. Your suave voice melts the Spanx panties off the older ladies while they dream of massaging your perfect coif in the back of their Dodge Durango.

Dan Gladden – You just got paroled after an unfortunate bar room brawl left some townie drunk with half of bottle of Grain Belt imbedded in his skull and you got fingered for it. Your sparklingly Harley is the last fleeting reminder of the good old days of rides to Sturgis in the summer with topless leather clad babes begging to drift up and down the street on the back your bike.

Tomorrow starts up the WSOP folks, time to get your PokerNews, PokerListings, Poker Poker Poker loving on! Its Christmas for all lovers of the seven-deuce offsuit and $1 bad beat stories.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Let the WSOP Madness Begin

After completing my second job this morning as a semi-professional part-time card fluffer and rinsing out all the bad puns out of my mouth that I could throw at an online poker tournament, what is a man to do at 4am?

Watch Youngblood until the sex scene with the fire and water bottle being used as a prop while the mother hen brings down the tea and realizes she doesn't get to ride on the Lowe express any longer.

No wife and kids right now as my feet are up, the weather is shooting out yet another perfect day which have my size twelves checking out the three ball left-to-right break on the green at the local muni. Normally there would be an itch to peel back cards, but great weather shouldn't be spoiled by listening to the sound of an Omaha rock take a pull off his cherry-flavored oxygen tank while wheezing when raising on the river after getting the nuts for the first time in two hours.


After watching and writing about the big Sunday tourneys at Stars for almost a year now, I still do not understand why you would play great poker for 10 to 11 hours straight, get down to three or four and start shoving 25+BBs preflop with any card over a jack like its a $2.20 super turbo tournament. You're not playing for lunch money unless your lunch is at some Monte Carlo restaurant that gives happy ending in the washroom before receiving the mint.

Good luck to the real writers sitting in media row out at the WSOP. Pauly is set to eclipse his 2005 and 2008 series (recap of last year found here). Al is wheels up and ready to destroy the SoCo stash at the Amazon Room for Full Tilt (you can of course find him at Poker From the Rail as well). I'll be out there the last week of June in a non-working, drinking/gambling capacity dragging their writing corpses across the street to Gold Coast hopefully to revive their batteries a bit with some last night bowling or Pai Gow.

And if you want to read my drivel, go here for the Sunday Million recap and the Sunday Warm-up recap at PokerStarsBlog.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Dream Team at the WSOP

Team-Based Event to be played during final days of 40TH Annual WSOP

BEVERLY HILLS & LAS VEGAS, MAY 19, 2009: Dream Team PokerTM has taken the industry by storm in the few short months since their inaugural event. Giving team-based poker validation with their successful structure, Dream Team Poker will host a tournament at the 2009 World Series of Poker®. The event will be held at the Rio® All-Suite Hotel & Casino from July 12-13, 2009 with the buy-in of $500 + $60 per player ($1,680 per team). The first 300 teams that pre-register on will receive personalized jerseys for the tournament.

“After seeing the terrific response to the recent Dream Team Poker tournaments in Las Vegas, we thought a team-based event would be a fun addition to the end of the WSOP,” said Jeffrey Pollack, WSOP Commissioner. “The Dream Team Poker event is one of the many new elements added in 2009 that will help make this summer a memorable one for all WSOP players and fans.”

Dream Team Poker has quickly gained traction and saw significant growth in the past six months alone. The speed of progression that Dream Team Poker experienced can be attributed to the two successful events held in November 2008 and March 2009. The invitation-only opening event was sold-out within weeks and was attended by top pros and celebrities. The most recent event at Caesars Palace garnered record attention from the media, professionals and average players, who turned out by the dozens to play. The tournament sold out the Caesars poker room with 148 teams and 444 players.

“The WSOP and the Rio have really shown their commitment to the players in continuing to innovate and try new concepts,” said Daniel Delshad, CEO of Dream Team Gaming. “Bringing our brand to the Rio during the WSOP and onto the most hollowed ground in the sport is a powerful way to introduce Dream Team Poker to the world.”

Dream Team Poker has added a new dimension to the poker industry with their patent-pending team-based tournament structure. It brings a new layer of competition and strategy to the game of poker while providing team-based and individual prize pools for the players.

Dream Team Poker will have a booth outside of the Amazon Room throughout the World Series of Poker. Staff will also be on hand to answer questions about the tournament and to explain the rules and structure.

# # #

About Dream Team Poker
Dream Team Poker is a new “team-based” structure and scoring system for tournament poker. Dream Team Poker’s patent-pending scoring system allows players to compete on an individual basis while getting scored as a team, giving each player better odds and chances to win money as they compete for individual and team prizes. Casinos benefit from Dream Team Poker’s structure as players have new incentives to stay at the property after busting out, resulting in longer hotel reservations, more meals eaten at casino restaurants, and general increase on property, which generates more side play revenue.

Founded in 2007, Dream Team Poker is growing rapidly and licensing its tournament structure to many of the nation’s largest and popular casinos. It is the first gaming product developed by Dream Team Gaming, a privately held company headquartered in Beverly Hills, CA. For more information, please visit and follow us at

World Series of Poker
The World Series of Poker (WSOP) is the largest, richest and most prestigious gaming event in the world awarding millions of dollars in prize money and the prestigious gold bracelet, globally recognized as the sport’s top prize. Featuring a comprehensive slate of tournaments in every major poker variation, the WSOP is poker’s longest running tournament in the world, dating back to 1970. In 2008, the event attracted 58,720 entrants from 124 different countries to the Rio All-Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas and awarded over $180 million in prize money.
The creation of the new delayed Main Event final table more than doubled ratings on ESPN year over year. The WSOP in December, 2008 was named the 7th most admired sports brand in North America by the Turnkey Sports Survey, trailing only the older and more established NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL, NASCAR and PGA Tour among sports properties. In addition, the WSOP has experienced groundbreaking alliances in broadcasting, digital media and corporate sponsorships, while successfully expanding the brand internationally with the advent in 2007 of the World Series of Poker EuropeSM. For more information on the World Series of Poker, please visit our website at or

Boobs and The Brett

A sad story from Illinois where someone potentially flipped out and killed his family (click here for link). If you read down you'll find an unwritten rule of employement at this alleged murderer's workplace:

Officials have declined to discuss details about the alleged threats. Some
neighbors in the well-kept subdivision have also said the Colemans received
threatening letters and that their mailbox was tampered with.

Police got to the suburban home that morning before the husband arrived
and discovered the bodies. Shortly after, officers had to restrain the visibly
upset man in his yard.

Chris Coleman worked security for Joyce Meyer Ministries, a Fenton,
Mo.-based evangelical Christian group. Joyce Meyer spokesman Roby Walker said
last week that Coleman resigned after an internal inquiry found he failed to
follow a ministry policy.

Walker would not say what policy Coleman allegedly violated.

Thou shalt not kill is a decent policy to have around cubicalworld to keep a safe work area whether you believe in the Jesus or not.


Ah, the Brett.

You play around with my football-loving heart strings like my ex-high school girlfriend. Here today with a smile, a little seduction, a little skin, then gone tomorrow with another guy only to drop hints that this isn't the last time that you're going to drag my dick over hot coals.

Now you got the Rog into the mix for a sound bite (lookie down the article for Percy Harvin sightings which I'm more interested in), and you can't have controversy and suspence without the iron-fisted commissioner making comments.

See Vick, Michael for this.

Speaking of Vick, he was brushed up with a several minute segment on Sportscenter meaning The Brett was knocked off his lofty pedestal as number one not-news story coming from the NFL this Spring/Summer. Look for Favre to come out by this weekend with a story to top Vick's.

USA Today says "Keep him sidelined" says "Let him play!"
Drizz says: "Who cares!"

Throw em' both into the scrap heap and let the Lingerie Football League draft them for equipment manager duties.

Below are links to what a lingerie football player may look like:

Three is company.

Seven is a fanasty.

Why yes, my son's favorite color is orange (and mine is blonde).


Poker content was almost certain for placement here today as I was doing well on my cash game tables and in the Skillz game. Then the RNG decided to deal me an endless array of 94o for an hour and got blinded off because steals make excellent sense in Limit Hold Em'! If that wasn't enough, the thought of me having profitable night was too much to bear and promptly allowed the aptly named r3tarded287 to suckout all of my profit and then some, before a mercy killing of my Skillz game in 14th place allowed me to throw my bad beat monkey across the room and power down the laptop.

At least the Leinie 1888 Bock didn't suck.

Mookie tonight for the next to last shot at the BBT4 TOC. My attendance will be mocking you from the sidelines because frankly after watching $200 melt (considering my current online bankroll, this is a good chunk of change) and my tournament chips evaporated in a matter of 5 minutes after playing well for three hours my heart isn't into giving away money tonight.

But sitting on the porch with a Surly Bender and good weather is.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

One Falls as Two Rise

After attending a funeral this weekend for an in-law relative I have met maybe twice in eleven years the reflective mood switch lit up several times in the past few days while enjoy a cool breeze of a rolled-down window. Mentioned at least a dozen times that the car ride to and from work is my personal creative writing area, a place untouched by whines for heart-shaped commercially processed food snacks, coding errors in the database, and honey-do lists sitting on the refrigerator.

Add in a few days of gorgeous Minnesota springtime weather and there’s spot to sit back and let the adjectives and movie quotes bounce around waiting to drop into their respectively perfect spots. Its also a time to battle inner demons of uncertain things to come, and long lasting battles with depression that can appear to be on the mat staggering to get up after the balding ref yells out “8!” but catches his gloves sturdy enough for the V-shaped swimsuit donning model showing enough side boob to make the asthma sufferer in row 6 dive for his inhaler while bring out a cue card for the drooling masses signifying Round 11.

This weekend my thoughts were on marriage, and my union with someone who has her own fight in a different ring. For several years she was a nurse, a caretaker, a chauffeur. Watching a man she loved lie on the ground in convulsions from an accident, instead of under a bath of lights smacking a 12” softball and rounding first a little too much hoping for the left fielder to jumble the throw just enough to eek out an extra base. No drives to catch a local band and a few cocktails. Her life was not easy prior to the setback, and instead of the man some people have met at a card table writing here, she got an irritable asshole on most days.

There’s no claim that anyone’s life is “easy” or “more difficult” than someone else’s due to physical or mental limitations. Money, profession, sexual enjoyment are all what you make of it and how much your personal being holds those things in the order of life. What made our marriage work for those dark years is that we both had the same idea of money and kids, not sacrificing any little time that I was able to hold a conversation or just to sit down for some meat loaf and whipped garlic mashed potatoes. Call it a phase if you will, but coming out thru the literally dark house due to my light-sensitivity forced us to speak to each other more candidly, shout a little louder, and force the personalities behind that depression wall come out. Instead of marrying a shadow of a person, we both got rid of any bullshit fa├žade and stripped ourselves down to show the true person wearing the skin of their bedmate, for better, for worse. Some couples wait until little Johnny grabs his piece of half-assed paper from the local high school and acceptance letter to State before learning that they real don’t like the person they are sleeping with flushing 18 years potential life down the Home Depot installed granite lined sink.

There will be more disagreements, more fights, but those also come with breaking down more barriers that lied between us since a day almost nine years ago which we stepped out of a church and into the newly defunct PT Crusier and rode towards a little party in downtown Anoka. The new hearing aids may help me catch almost every word spoken, but even without the technological assistance, I can tell by the tone of her voice that happiness is starting to creep more into her life now that she can be a person again versus being locked into a profession she did not ask for.

We watched the life story of her grandfather play out on the screen of the funeral home, a man with little smiles as one son struggled to describe him in good light and the other son decided to keep his words forever silent. His passing away did nothing to touch any personal grief, but lesson of living life with smile and enjoying whatever gifts the people within your grasp are willing to part with make those drives to and from work more enjoyable.

Our marriage is not one that will be feature in the love+sex section of any major publication, nor should it be in an advice episode for Dr. Phil to ponder over. It just is, as universal marital advice is only as good as you can tweak it towards fitting your puzzle.


Enough sappiness, tomorrow the bane of my favorite football team yet again waffles his Lazarus-esque return to throwing hail mary passes for money while causing ESPN executives to give each other reach-arounds now that Sportscenter will have a lead story for the next three months. Today's "story": Doctors is are the scary, I don'ts need no surgery.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Quick Hits Friday Edition

A couple of quick hits as my weekend of perpetual motion will begin with my wife beating my ass on the raquetball court this afternoon.

I suck. Damn those blue balls!

Pokerlistings with their awesome WSOP coverage last year is going to be filling a seat at a prelim event with the fine posterior of one of us lowly poker bloggers!

The Run Good Challenge is back! Unfortunately for me, it begins tomorrow which I've filled with a half-mile Kiddy Run for Wyatt and Kyra at the Como Zoo, then a funeral for my wife's grandfather (met the man twice in eleven years), and finally off to a softball tournament where my work team seems more like a bunch of ringers playing in a lower division. They've won their first three games with a cummulative score of 85-31. The teams they've beat? All at 2-1.

Ouch. Playing the "lower half" of the talent pool might require a pre-game six-pack to make it competitive.


For your daily dose of Favre-gasm... Brett goes to the doctor to get his arm checked. Any chance I could slide Dr. Anderews a fiver to snip where he should have stitched?


Volunteered at Wyatt's school today for their "Super Kids Day" (think Track and Field day). Had a smile on my face the entire time. My booth had three sixth grade helpers for the sockball throw.

The object was to toss three yarn-balls (colored yellow and red, personally I would have went with periwinkle and mauve) at a plank of wood holding up used milk cartons and knock them down. Sure, there was a couple of mouth breathers that will end up trying to avoid police using Heeleys while stealing a 99 cent Slim Jim from Kenny's Market, that tried to ruin the fun. But for the most point the kids loved it especially trying to watch the balls being thrown back to the tallest guy on the field in the Twins shirt and catching/holding all six.

If I ever had to wonder what keeps a teacher in those positions? I'd say its the students who show up to learn, to play, to move forward, to better themselves even if their limitations keep them earning less than straight As.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Weekly Dose of Favre

While J. Goat has his "Weekly Dose of Crazy" (which is damn funny).

I introduce "Daily Dose of Favre"!

Please. Make. It. Stop.

I can't tell if the Wilf's are positioning to sell tickets versus bettering (great word!) the team's roster. Favre on the team will sell out the tickets faster then my daughter escaping from her room before bedtime.

This has the flavor of the Pershing Square proxy battle with Target. The stockholder is trying to add members to the board that will cater to his business plans (which include getting the retailer into the real estate business) versus the rock solid management core that has guided Target for several years and has vast amounts of retail background.

Are the Wilf's looking to make a quick buck to split and run? Or do they generally feel like bringing Favre on the team will solidify the Vikes for the years to come?

As a fan, I'd rather not see the return of the Les Stuckel-type years and remain content with throwing my foam Viking brick at the 40" Sony through up-and-down season versus having one exciting season then busto for a stretch of time.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Kids in the news

A hearty congrats to Willis' this morning as they welcomed their second into the world. As stated on facebook, I hope Otis opted for the child volume control package.

My daughter seemed to have lost hers, as well as the ability to know what time its optimial to scream for waterblanketslippersrainbowcarebear. This leaves an issue since I avoid drinking caffeine at all cost and already wiped from my daughter's "after party" with some good friends this weekend.

Is there a non-Monster/Red Bull or Coffee alternative out there? Sobe? Crystal Meth?


Anyone catch this non-story from daddy's little precious thing getting his hat knocked off by the big, bad NBA player (Big Baby Davis) who just hit a game winning shot?

Honestly. For where the kid was standing maybe something like this should have happened:

or if you're a sports fan you know about what happens to band members when they come on the field too soon:

Use common sense people, it was given to you by someone, if you lost it I suggest taking a daily read of Bobby Bracelet to obtain a little bit back before you end up in the Express Line with more than 15 items writing a check out with the wrong hand because your screaming four month old won't let go of the Blow Pop she snag while you tried to rope in your other five kids that are dancing to the Kidz Bop version of "We Got the Beat" on top of the check out line belt.

Next time send them off with daddy (or whatever father-figure they get) to the Aerostar so he can deal with the mayhem while you spend your paycheck on lottery scratch offs in the customer service area next to the Rug Doctor rentals.

Monday, May 11, 2009

You Don't Mess With the Brett

Started the week with Brett Favre mania.

Then he hopped on his John Deere and rode off into the sunset (but sadly not over a ravine).

But wait Manny Ramirez had the audacity to one-up the Brett with his media orgy of taking a female fertility drug and has inking with Paramount studios for a sequel to "Twins" with the Governator and Danny DeVito called "Triplets" (what ever happened to Kelly Preston?).

And ended the week with the Vikings reviewing shoulder X-rays that couldmightpossiblekindofwantmaybeshould bring the Brett to the Metrodome next season.

I don't know which move was stupider on Childress' part. Contacting the retired Hall of Famer who's going to accept Susan Lucci's daytime Emmy award this year, or making two mediocre quarterbacks even more skittish in the bullpen while blantantly telling them they're not good enough since you pursued someone who was happily retired.

Smooth move Chilly. You reap whatever your attempt to fit a square peg into the round Super Bowl hole.

When will Bodog put up the odds that Favre will be the Vikings starting quarterback this year? Probably better then Bellande making the money in the WSOP ME this year. Still some great values in their online poker room, get it while you can or wait till the Barney opens up the floodgates of fishes again.


Daughter's third birthday went off great. Held the fun through the present openings and cupcakes. Then after the kids got tucked in for a marathon of Spongebob and Dora, the parents got their party...

... and quick reminder they are not 22 with a Marketing exam looming over their heads on Monday.

Pictures of the little one soon to come as we banish the terrible twos from our house, never to come back since daddy assured such things last year.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Brett Favre currently eating lucky charms with coach Childress

Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
Brett Favre.
And thank you Big Daddy Drew at Kissing Suzy Kolber and Deadspin ... Brett Favre and Brett Favre.

I also heard that Brett Favre called Peter King to have the writer complain to the five a.m. edition of Sportcenter only running his story fourth and leaving the beautiful Rachel Nichols wasting in the cold Minnesota morning outside Winter Park.

Please make this stop. Its Rice in a Seahawks jersey. Its Montana in Chiefs colors. Even though I hate the Packers and all this shoo-in Hall of Famer has done for them against my beloved Purple, don't make the guy a side show freak to sell tickets.

Let him "work his land" and retire a Packer legend so T-Jack and Rosenfelds can lay off the Xanax and prepare for what could be a decent season and I can get back to sucking at poker without Sportcenter rewinding Brett Favre highlight reels every 30 minutes while I make bad bluffs.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Truckin with Dr. Pauly

There was a text message on my phone from Al around 8:30 last night:


Good to my previous word for the SoCo and boobies lover, fired up Full Tilt Poker for the Skillz series as part of the BBT4. My history with these series is not good, read thru some back pages and there’s nothing but enough bad beat stories to fund President Obama’s overhaul of this nation’s economy with some left over to get the Steak Frites with that orgasm-inducing salmon spread at Bouchon’s.

Last night, no different. In a Princess Vespa-Spaceballs-wedding-like synopsis. Down to ten, third in chips. Cracked suited aces, bubble boy.

Add it to the pile of the latest BBT-anything train wreck stories and try to sleep. Would like to thank Waffles for prolonging my bust-out last night, he is the man.

Ok, lots going in our little community if I may slip for people unfamiliar with these groups of poker blogs:

Dank and Jo. So happy for you both. And if you guys post one more fuckin screenshot of a slot jackpot after I’ve played the damn things for 16 years without hitting one solitary hand pay I’m driving over the Canuck border to burn your weed supply.

You’re on notice and congratulations on the engagement!



I have and always will pimp Pauly’s blog-zine for the simple fact that I don’t have time to pour through a book when the daughter needs to be set in bed for the twentieth time because her right Dora slipper fell off. But, you get to taste real stories from writers that may not (currently) appear on the New York Times best sellers list with Grand Canyon-like writing style differences, experiencing lust, greed, and even death.

That’s where my story comes in this month. As mentioned a few month ago, I spoke of the one regret in my life a couple of months ago and turned that into a story. As Pauly helped me get the words out, they are now for you to read if you wish. My brand of literary sense is speckled with bad metaphors and worse sentence structure which would cause a group of English professors to pin my fingers down and break out sledgehammer to prevent further eyes and ears being subjected to my “writing”.

But know in this story that blood was spilt to write it, ghost of relationships past make for good reading and I hope you enjoy it as well as the contributions from Betty and of course Pauly.

1. Popeye by Paul McGuire The beat up truck with Maryland plates included three large green trashbags that were strapped down in the back. A skinny woman in the passenger seat took a swig off of a bottle and handed it to a guy in a baseball hat. He took one long pull and then spit it out of the open window... More

2. Quicklube: A Fable By Milton T. Burton It's turning out to be an A-number-one-fine day for C.C. Chumly. He and several of his like-minded buddies are quaffing a few Tall Toad Pilsners at the Belly-Up Bar, a truly classy place in beautiful downtown Midland, Texas... More

3. The Regret by David "Drizz" Aydt My scar is buried under six feet of solid Nordic dirt and ice, among the mass headstones there's a grave marked with her name that has not been seen by these eyes... More

4. Blue No. 1 by Betty Underground He looked up from the table and our eyes were locked. After so many years, sometimes there is no need for words... More

5. The Miracle of Highway Six by Art Rosch Nevada is a washboard, an undulating series of mountains and valleys, and the roads cut straight across this ancient seabed. At the top of each peak, the view spreads down the road ahead, which goes in a straight line for miles and miles until it disappears into the next rise of the landscape... More

I’ll leave it there today and bottle up the fury of Ed Werner, Peter King, and Chris Mortenson mass reports of Brett Favre donning the purple next year for the Vikings. Or 127 year old John Madden not knowing why he's walking around his cruiser with an erection . Not many things are more important than football, this was. Hope you enjoy the read.

Monday, May 04, 2009

The warm wrap of relaxation

Spring time again for the first time in a long time but not the last time. Everyone has a place they go to recharge from the doucherockets that attempt to pry on your sanity at work by placing that spreadsheet on your desk with just minimal direction as what needs to be done that you sit and stare at it like the cells just ate your dog.

Much like your wife, these people assume you have ESP and already had the report hammered out in your mind by the time they’re back at their desk playing Bejeweled Blitz trying to beat out that TV station news director’s newest hi-score he attained during the five o’clock broadcast. But, those people were not in attendance at my home away from home this weekend, instead it was filled with family and friends who know how to grill animals with just the right amount of barbeque sauce and can successfully take an alone-bid to the house playing Euchre while sipping hastily created alcoholic beverages.

The sun was out, the wind was out, stress was gone. The bonfire was set to stare into sometimes alone, sometimes with debating the latest nanny-state abomination in my favorite place to live. The red-hot coals readied for popping corn or to formulate elaborate caverns for miniature spelunkers to explore while avoiding nasty trollocs and dark elves in search for the +5 Blade of Awesomeness.

There’s no schedule to follow except to pour the Captain Morgan in first over the ice, stir in the Coke and dash with a little lime on top when the glass needed a refill. Choosing to immerse myself into the fantasy world of a good book, or try to get my boy to understand that he shouldn’t try to become the first six year old DH and learn how to field a grounder. Those are the only choices at the cabin.

We’ll have to wait until Memorial Day weekend to fire up another marathon game of Chinese Poker with the crackle of embers just below the steps. “Something to look forward to” as another busy week begins.

My personal favorite of this past weekend? Being able to hold a conversation without saying "what?" every second word. The gift of hearing will continue to be unwrapped and cherished each time I get to open it.


Sunday, May 03, 2009

Don't Tread On My Pixels

In this article you can see that California is pushing things thru and using their heads that this online poker thing is going to be around whether they like it or not. Granted the online poker room would only be available to those within the Golden State, it’s a step towards government loosening the harsh outlooks on this “shady” card game.

Only, it’s not shady, there’s little to no societal backlash from someone overplaying Ace-King on the button . It is a game played by billions, some more serious than others. It is a game of skill as proven by several court cases and smart people with initials after their name up at a university in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Whether the game is played over the internet, at a state-regulated card club, or at guy’s/girl’s night with a spread of food and sarcasm for the person that brought those nasty Wal-Mart cheese puffs again, the only need is regulation to assure a fair game.

The US Congress is trying to repel these online gambling laws after the current laws (UIGEA) would not have passed if it wasn’t attached to another piece of legislation.

Why must the State of the Minnesota use similar backhand approaches to please a few anti-gambling people. 1961 Wire Act? This is citing concrete law that would have no legal arguments that would tie up the courts with litigation, thus costing the state hundreds of thousands in legal fees? Please Mr. John Willems, director of Minnesota Alcohol and Gambling Enforcement Division, tell me during a time that our state’s budget runs deep in red numbers, and the nation’s economy looking for a boost, that you decide to dig up a law, twist the puzzle piece enough so it fits to your definition of the law.

If I understood one iota of journalism I’d love to ask interview questions like:

-Who or what spurred this action?
-Who benefits from the ban?
-Who was being hurt by online poker enough that a state agency decided to attempt to censor the internet?
-If Senator Barney is successful in overturning the UIGEA at the national level, what will the state’s response be?
-Why am I able to play the lottery, a gambling device that carries zero skill, but you worry about people applying their poker skills online?
-Did you research lawyer’s opinions on the subject before deciding to send letters to private companies asking for a ban on certain sites?

There are probably more probing questions laying out there for the Chris Matthews of the world to sit down across a leather backed chair sitting face-to-face, listen and respond to but since this fight for my right to play online poker hits close to home, I could not be subjective enough.

My hopes are that cooler, more logical heads prevail and people like Mr. Willems see that there are zero benefits to such a ban, but the consequences of public backlash will far outweigh whatever was sought to be beneficial for those who don't understand that people want the freedom to spend their earned money however they see fit.

Thanks to the PPA for their articles and links.