Thursday, January 28, 2010

Well Played Sears

Yep, another big decision, have fun waiting seven months for the answer Vikes fans

Let the spectulation begin on Brett Farve's return.

/looks at watch

Nope not August yet. Sigh.

My early thoughts? If anyone offers you more than 2 to 1 in favor on returning, jump on the bet in favor of returning.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Flight Options Taken

Playing poker is tough enough with the swings, the beat, the grind, the math but add in antsy kids and a wife who had a tough day at the office and well playing poker gets put in the back seat with the groceries.

It came at an inopportune time last night for all three of them to express their displeasure of having to wait for the degenerate to continue a quest towards a World Blogger Championship of Online Poker final table so they could go to the restaurant they were promised once dear old dad busted out. Hour one could have happened early but I managed to make a few hands. Hour two I caught some hands. But, the thermometer reached a high and poker thinking was shut down and yes I could have just sit out and probably made the SCOOP cash, but instead I just pushed the chips away while powering down the laptop.

Dumb? Poker wise, yes. Family wise, easy decision. Anti-climatic from doing a live blog for over two hours? Grrrrrrr.

Thus the conundrum of a middling poker player having to balance Dr. Seuss stories with razor sharp total concentration (example below) just doesn't happen. At any point during a rush that phone call has to be answered, that cry for help on subtraction problems needs to be heard, and frankly it's a no-brainer for me to leave the felt and work out the removal of digits from my son's homework.

There's the 8-Game tourney later in the week that I'm eyeing as the main event is slated right in the middle of the three tourneys I'm covering and definitely is out. I did manage to carve out a little me-time as the green light was lit for a G-Vegas visit in March and barring life-threatening issues, my focus will be on one thing:

Being with good friends with good drinks and adding yet more memories with these people that went from fonted letter with various blinking icons to certified friends that I'd chat about anything with. Including the signing of Jim Thome by the Twinkies yesterday. Meh.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

WBCOOP Event #2 Live Blog

6:19pm -- and OUT. Flop bad end of the straight versus the nut straight, just didn't believe him and I fall short of the money in 199th place. Could have saved the river but decided he was pushing a set. Until next time guys! GG!

6:17pm -- By far the worse part of a tournament, the stalling has begun by the smaller stacks. Thankfully at my table nearly everyone has over T10K chips.

6:14pm -- Home stretch for the first set of SCOOP bucks is coming up as I slip under par for the first time since my double double back in the first hour. Still healthy at T13,875 but an angry wife may change my ability to sit on the laptop any longer.

6:09pm -- Ok trying to do the blogger exacta of Twittering while live blogging is making this tough but manageable. Still hoping the wife offers steak or some wine soon. T13,875 with 220 left

6:07pm -- The last of the dead stacks are finally having their corpse being peeled away from the their chairs as the money bubble fast approaches. Holding at T14,175 with blinds up to 150/300

6:02pm -- Raise on the second hand back from the break and get the table to fold around T14,325

5:58pm -- Adult beverage #2 is consumed as we have 269 players remaining and 153 of us will take away at least $11 in SCOOP cash

5:53pm -- Flop a wrap straight draw with [Kc] [Td] [9s] [5d] and it gets there on the turn but one the big stacks does not pay off my value bet on the river. Regardless the 4,000 chip pot gets me to T14,000 as the break is here to give me time to hug the kids.

5:47pm -- With par at ~9,300 my stack of T12,000 is looking good and Granite City's yummy hops and barley will have to wait for another time until I enter the land of bad decisions against the two big stacks. Blinds at 125/250 with 319 players remaining.

5:41pm -- Big blind special hit a set of deuces, turn the underboat while calling a scary pot bet from the big stack and my deuces full of aces turns out to be good as we jump into five digit territory T11,060 and blinds moving up to 100/200 with about 400 players remaining.

5:35pm -- Not sure if my sudden ability to fold some middling connector hands is the way to the promise land of the final table and those juicy $215 SCOOP buy-ins but so far its working as I haven't moved up or moved back but rather just doing the electric slide with my chips T6,005. What the electric slide looks like shown below:

5:31pm -- for those with 20,000 FPPs sitting around you may want to check out today's VIP special from PokerStars' January store special. $285 bonus is 20% off today.

5:28pm -- another club flush, this time flopped from the small blind and we'll take another minor chip up to T6,005 with blinds at 75/150 and 639 players remaining.

5:25pm -- Well lookie here, its a club flush! Ok, just a minor chip up but I'll take it T5,375 with blinds moving up shortly.

5:20pm -- Pressure from the big stacks is coming out as TomDowd and John_Galt are imposing their stacks on the table and with my crappy position I'm left in passive mode again. Hope and wait are not two things I do well. T4,775 blinds at 60/120

5:15pm -- Snag some blind vs. blind action and get to T5,495 but whiff against the chip leader with [As][6s][Jc][Tc] and go back to Go and do not collect $200. T5,195 blinds up to 60/120.

5:07pm -- Flop top set and bet into two limpers? They fold. Try to bluff? Get called by third pair. T5,645 blinds move up to 50/100. Get [7s] [As] [Ac] [3c] on the button and raise getting one of the big stacks to call. Flop [6d] [7h] [Qd] bet 700 and get check-raised, had to let it go fearing the uber-draw. T5,195

5:03pm -- After playing about six straight hands, the fold button finally came back into play as two big stacks will need to contend with each other and hopefully leave me alone to fold in peace, until I have the nuts of course. T5,945 blinds at 40/80

5:00pm -- Only $20?!?! Just grabbed a frequent player mailing from the local Treasure Island casino and they're offering 20 bucks for me to lavish their slot machines with my hard(ly) earned poker bucks. It's getting recycled.

4:53pm -- More good luck from the land of positions. A super stack of T23,000 just plopped down on the button. Lock down mode looks to be the play. Down to T6,185 as we head to the first break.

4:47pm -- Table change and once again the big stack is on my left holding nearly T10,000 chips after showing down a couple of strong hands and winning at showdown. May need to revert to tighter play as the blinds move up once again to 40/80.

4:40pm -- DOUBLE UP!! and DOUBLE UP!! first hand [Jd] [9d] [Ks] [Qd] caught a jack on the flop, a gutter ball straight draw on the turn, and hit the nut straight on the river against a bluffer's caught ass-end of the straight and T3,455 was shipped my way. Five hands later get a very strong [Ad] [Ah] [Qh] [Ks] raise with one caller. Flop comes out [Kh] [2h] [6d] 150 chips is called, [Js] on the turn and we both shove, he caught two pair and an open-ender with [2s] [Qs] [Jh] [Th], but the [Qc] on the river gives me the higher two pair and we're solvent again at T6,315 with 30/60 blinds.

4:35pm -- Need to revert to level one thinking, too many bluffs at tight boards is killing my stack and that dinner at the restaurant is looking more feasible than a SCOOP ticket at this point. T1,865 with blinds at 25/50

4:30pm -- Ugh, this guy is really pinning me down. No chances to bluff as I'm unable to call his re-raises after I bluff at a [9d] [Th] [8c] board. Down to T2,040

4:27pm -- Chip leader at the table is turning very aggressive and unfortunately is on my immediate left down to T2,500 after whiffing on a connector hand and can't call his/her POT POT POT POT bets.

4:24pm -- Folding [Ah][6h][2d][4c] my PLO8 heart weeps a little inside, no really big pots at the new table yet.

4:18pm -- Limp in with [Td] [Jh] [Ad] [8d] and the flop is very nice [Ks] [9h] [7c]. Bet of 90 is called in two places whiff on the [3d] turn and fold to a pot bet when the [Kd] hits the river. Booooo for missed wrap draws! T2,800

4:14pm -- I feel should have something to drink, as its been 15 whole minutes and I still have not busted! I think the Captain is calling. T3,120

4:10pm -- Miss out a huge hand when AAXX goes up against AAXX all-in preflop and my decent connecting [9s] [Qd] [8c] [Jd] would have nailed quads. Folding = bad

4:05pm -- First big hand [7s] [As] [Qd] [Ac] flop a flush draw, slowly increasing bets on the turn and river the flush but it also pairs the board. A 300 chip "value" bet is called and the flush is good. Up to 3,140

4:03pm -- While I certainly play more Omaha than Hold Em' (yes a rare breed, stop starring) Omaha Hi is something I've only recently dipped a toe into.

4:00pm -- And.... we're off. By folding I set the tone for many more aggressive folds.

3:53pm -- Even if I do bust early, I still win by going to me second favorite restaurant Granite City for some microbrew and a peppercorn cheeseburger the size of my three year old daughter.

3:45pm -- 1,563 bloggers in this event gonna need some good music...

Oh, this is Omaha HI? Well hopefully the bicycle straight will be good. Note to self: do not chase low draws

3:35pm -- Fox Sports will not be announcing today's World Blogger Championship of Online Poker but I am! Well, as long as I'm in the running and not throwing my laptop from that flush draw getting there. I'll be back at 4:00pm (this is in Central Time) to give this first person live blogging a shot.

3:30pm --

Howie: Honestly there's no one that can touch Drizztdj today?!?! His skillz and toughness will bring himself either the title or a humiliating early defeat

Jimmy: How does my hair look today?

Terry: I LIKE THE WAY THIS GUY THROWS THE FOOTBALL! We're talking about Brett Favre right?

Five O'Clock 500

The weather was nothing to scoff at as the tight hairpin turn approached. Snow laced the fabled track and gave the drivers fits as they couldn't afford to be aggressive as their nature demands them to be. The crew chief donned in Ferrari red from head to toe explained the extra precautions while giving a little extra slide to compensate for the slickness of the Le Mans track. But, Mario knew if he gave an inch that hot shot Ray Anderson from America of all places would take over the point lead and have his way with those sponsored podium ladies with the cans that stretched the fabric of their skintight yellow Rolex jumpsuits.

No, he was going to push this car to the edge of every thread those tires would take him to get that big silver chalice and the paid for pussy. Suddenly without warning Ray's Chevy Trailblazer started spinning in his rear view mirror and after a small internal laugh everything went white...

After a few minutes "Mario" who's name was really Mark, stood outside of his rusting cherry red Honda Accord trying desperately to dig himself out of the blanketed ditch filled with Minnesota's finest snow and sludge-leftovers from the freshly plowed Hwy. 169 cursing himself that his one-foot-out-the-door wife probably would blame him for stopping at The Lookout again on the way home to play his paycheck at the pull tab booth while leering at the bartender's chest with every Miller High Life ordered.

Ray or myself DID get home in time, but failed to land the model. Instead he was quite content with out being an idiot thru the bad driving conditions yesterday and was rewarded with fresh double bacon cheeseburgers, stories about his son's school trip to a local pizzeria, and some grab-ass with the wife before she headed off to her women's volleyball league.

I looked for the rental car decals or out-of-state plates but no it was a slew of home grown folks with make shift shovels and scrapers trying to not look like newbies in their work clothes before giving up and taking the $100-$200 hit by getting towed. All in the name of impressing some phantom clock that sits uptop of their rushed heads.


I will not be rushing home, but I will be playing (not more crack-addled Rush Poker), but rather a relaxing game of Pot Limit Omaha with the bloggers in today Event #2 of the World Bloggers Championship of Online Poker at PokerStars. And since there's some swag available I'll try my hand at self-reporting without the aid of a handle of Captain.

Hopefully I'll get past the first level to make it interesting.

Monday, January 25, 2010

That Was the Opposite of Good

"Pretty good"

These are words that your girlfriend uses to prevent hurting your feelings to describe your under-sized dick after the best 45 seconds of your life just happened beneath the glow-in-the-dark star stickers in your parent's basement. Those were also words used by the morning radio sportcasters to describe the upcoming Super Bowl contest.

Not epic, not clash of the decade, but a feel-good story against a quarterback savant that will be playing a couple of Sundays from now for the Super Bowl title. And unless there's a Reggie Bush/Kim Karadashian sex tape that magically makes it way to the internets the story line wouldn't be enough to overcome two unanimous first-ballot Hall of Fame quarterbacks facing off. The only thing that could be described as "epic" was the way the Vikings once again lured me and a legion of fans into their clubhouse with hope only to have a series of miscues crush their chances to turn over the Super Bowl futility while losing 31-28 to the Saints.

But, it's not going to happen. Instead 20 years from now I'll be 35 again and remember sitting five feet from my buddy's new 46" plasma screen watching a perfectly knocked 40 yard field goal by Garrett Hartley. As the rum slowly seeps out my body from the game, it still tough to put into words that my favorite team was a fumble, a penalty, a poor pass decision from going to Miami but it's not going to happen.

Favre haters out there will focus on his last throw in the NFC Championship game (deja vu much?), maybe even think of this movie clip from one of my favorite flicks and its not just for Demi Moore in a tight military uniform:

People will forget that it was the delay of game penalty forced his hand a bit but shoulda/coulda/woulda just ran for the 7-8 yards in front of him and bring out the extremely accurate Ryan Longwell for a ~45 yard field goal. And instead of deflecting talk of the horrible interception I'd either be complaning of Gary Anderson 1998 redux or taking the day off from celebrating.

We could point to the equipment manage seemingly lacing the offense's gloves with Astroglide, especially our own Purple Jesus who took fumbling to a new level yesterday and came a field goal away from having those sins absolved. If you look at the stats the Vikes killed the Saints in every category: First downs, rushing yards, passing yards, time of possesion, and the one that glares turnovers.

Without the turnovers the Vikes score at the end of the first half and most likely the second half as well. Instead the Jared Allen jersey is going into the closet until August and Viking fans are left with yet another heartbreak. Good game Vikes, thanks for the exciting season and if Mr. Favre can patch up his body for another season, despite the last throw I'll be awaiting in my purple and gold because whatever the rubes calling into The Powertrip Morning Show on KFAN say this morning he gave us a shot and that is more than anything T-Jack or Rosenfels could have given this team.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

34-28 Vikings = Mission Miami Completed

I'd like to update this button (yes it's older than me and not a reprint)
Can I get a one (more) time over here? Good luck today Vikes, your fans are still hoping this is the year you stop the heartbreaks.

Why was I not told of this UB update?

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Four Card Crack For Haiti

With PokerStars matching contributions to the Haiti Relief fund, my donking of Saturdays With Dr. Pauly allowed myself to give a little slice of pie towards the ongoing efforts to aid the earthquake victims after finishing 4th this afternoon in Pauly's tourney.

Combined with a little date night with my daughter (note to parents: Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday night is better left alone but she had a blast as I was left to bobbing and weaving thru the unwashed masses for prime skee-ball position) and an evening viewing of The Princess and the Frog with Spanish subtitles, and its a clear mind for tomorrow's NFC Championship game.


Friday, January 22, 2010

Rush Poker at Full Tilt

For multi-table addicts out there, Rush Poker at FTP is your new crack pipe.

I tried it out this morning waiting for my daughter's preschool to finish up and pulled up a couple of tables with .25/.50 blinds. Managed a small profit thanks to quads and AA vs. QQ holding up, but that wasn't what I was curious about. My thoughts were on the amount of FTP points and rakeback potential.

See the picture below as I haven't been playing much/at all at FTP this month due to two impending trips and sudden addiction to other gaming (aka Dragon Age):

That was one hour on two tables. Makes getting iron man feasible again for the low-rolling guy if that is something you desire. As 4 tables of PLO8 6-max at the same blinds usually netted around 150 FTPs after 2-3 hours. If you got the need for speed this is your new Ferrari. It's not for everyone, but for the habitual multi-tabler it's a chance to pair down those 10-12 tables into 3 or 4.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Splitting the Turn and River

Is there any poker downtime anymore?

The start of Tennis' Australian Open means the Aussie Million should be kicking off... yep. Good luck to those covering and playing.

And we bloggers have our own free attempt to become high rollers once SCOOP at PokerStars rolls around. As the WBCOOP kicks off next week with a series of freerolls to enter players into the Spring Championship of Online Poker with a chance of fancy watches and bundles of cash (not to mention the probability of a dashing poker blogger writing about your exploits).

The Borgata had the single reason Southern Comfort turns a profit every year in a line that rivaled any DisneyWorld ride to enter their 2010 Winter Open. Check out his live-ish Tweet-fest from donkey-land here.

We'll stop this poker reporting for a breaking development. Ever wonder what lady bobsledders are wearing while you watch the Winter Olympics come up soon? Wonder no more:

Much better than Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction by far.

Tonight a return to the virtual felt for me as a warm-up for next week as I'd like to be a part of SCOOP in a writer/player capacity much like Pete Rose being a player/manager/gambler for the Phillies. Except without the asshole holier-than-thou attitude and busty sidekicks while signing autographs at a Vegas sports memorabilia store. Instead I'll surround myself with two kids that have no off button, a handle of Captain, and a signature worth less than Tiger Woods' current endorsement deals.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Cautious Splurging

Today I resign the blogging floor to Truckin' since there only so many homerisms I can expell about the Vikings. Actually there's several more paragraphs to fill but people don't come here for Vikings insight as much as to listen to a good hearted rant or about my horrible poker play.

Speaking of which many folks are breaking out their 2010 poker spreadsheets already and recapping last year. My stats? Hell if I know, the most information I'd get is from a place like Official Poker Rankings (and I'm sure its not pretty). Or that I played two live tournaments last year with one lasting 15 minutes and the other 15 hours. There a fancy Excel spreadsheet and tattered notebook I used to use back before the UIGEA came out and there was an actual bankroll online that allowed me to play the stakes I'd become semi-profitible at. Since then, we got a new kitchen, I got bionic ears, and paid off a good chunk of the summer trailer leaving scraps online. Enough to play the very small donkaments and practice bad bankroll management while multi-tabling the $50 NL/PLO8 tables but nothing more.

Sure this summer the bankroll got a hefty boost from the Binion tourney chop, but when my wife earns half as much for three months out of the year that money is better spent on day-to-day things versus shoving a premium hand preflop against the crack-addled regulars at the NLO8 tables who don't even blink at losing five buy-ins from flipping coins. If I ever had to explain to my wife why slim edges in Omaha need to be exploited in the long run after dropping three buy-ins, I'd quit.

Luckily that money is separate from the house funds so if I were to bust, it would hurt the extracurricular activities and life would move on without poker for a while.

Another reason the funds are getting stretched? It's our 10th anniversary this year and I'd like to do something special for the wife as she selected Vegas as our mutual gift (but WE mutually paid with MY winnings, funny our marriage works like that). Since we're staying at the MGM Grand I have heard of something called "Prima" which is account which you plug in $500.00 and get "high-roller perks" including 2 for 1 dinners and drinks, upgraded room, happy ending mutual massages by Jessica Biel look-a-likes, etc...

What Jessica Biel may look like

I don't mind overspending a bit, but is the program worth it or is that money better spent elseware like for lap dances at Sapphire and ice cream at the Gold Coast after? Remember I'm steak and potatoes/Captain Morgan not Steak Frites/Cristal) fine dining isn't something I do without a Nardi brother pointing out wine selections and how good the salmon spread or pork rinds are.

Anyway on with the blogzine from Dr. Pauly!

January 2010, Vol. 9, Issue 1

New year.

New issue of Truckin'.

Let's kick of 2010 with two new faces.

1. Tubes Under Sand by Paul McGuire The massive and elaborate tunnel system was cluttered with insane Vietnam vets eating black widow spiders, heroin addicts shooting up in the darkness, and methheads cooking up a new batch of Nazi crank... More

2. No Era Mi IntenciĆ³n (I Meant No Harm) by Sean T. KellyWe weren't the only local wildlife in that town, population 237. Hawks circled overhead hunting for prey. Iguanas scurried aimlessly across the sidewalks heading for the security of the underbrush... More

3. Unpublished by Anonymous He could look away from the noose he's woven. He could find something else into which he can comfortably slip. He has the power and he's done it before... More

4. Down the Upward Staircase by George TateBebop was one of those guys kind of handicapped in the girl department. He had been shy all his life and never a ladies man. He wasn't strange or picky. He always looked at the girls and when he couldn't go anymore would find his pick in a massage parlor or on his running board... More

5. Dispatches from Miami: The Lot by Paul McGuire Deviant derelicts crawl out of the shadows and invading the parade of freaks. That's when the inmates eventually take over the asylum... More

Monday, January 18, 2010

Kick Em' When They're Up, Kick Em' When They're Down

"TURN OFF THE LIGHT?!?!" - My wife who got to sleep at nine PM while I was up work until around midnight

If you do not have a government-type job or work at a bank branch today you'll be sitting in your normal cubical none the wiser that today is a national holiday in honor of civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. Maybe the reverend forgot to tell my bosses about equality in workplace vacation days as with the great weather yesterday spilling over into today my kids will be outside shoring up their snow fort as we were after the Vikings game yesterday.

Waffles learned the number one lesson of being a cooler yesterday. Never pick a team to spite them, you must feel in your losing heart that the name printed on your slip is the one that will bring victory and cash into your Dockers back pocket.

It was a good day for the Purple but the game wasn't a rose petal trail for the Vikings victory over the Dallas Cowboys 34-3 as the highlights rolling on ESPN would have you think. The Cowboys dominated the first quarter, their offense was steam rolling as Romo was given time to find that 2nd or 3rd receiver. The defense picked on some holes in the Vikings O-line as DeMarcus Ware crushed Favre when he went unchipped, unblocked. But, due to a missed 48 yard FG when Phillips had momentum and just one yard to go and a Romo fumble the game was kept tight besides the lopsided stats favoring Dallas.

Then Favre hit Sidney Rice in stride, Ray Edwards went into some kind of beast mode after someone entered a cheat code from Madden 2010, and Romo went down and stayed down. No comeback, no life, just a ball of sulk unseen since Jay Cutler got his steak rare instead of well done at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse last week. Another missed FG by the Cowboys in the second half and another Favre-to-Rice connection put the game virtually out of reach going into the fourth quarter where the situation you'll hear all the Cowboys' faithful and every sportscaster with a blazer and tie have with an opinion about this morning. Might even get a few momma's basement dwelling bloggers who got spooked away from their epic loot raid in World of Warcraft in this mix.

Deep in the fourth quarter The Vikings had the ball at Dallas' 11 yard line facing a 4th and 3 with around four minutes or so on the clock. The three options: a) kick a field goal (also could be shown as running up the score) and its 30-3 b) have T-Jack come in to take snaps and kneel or what Chilly decided to do is c) run one of their go-to plays which is Big John Shade on a left slant in the endzone for a touchdown. For the record, I believe B and C are both viable as you're not going to please everyone. If you do B and take the knee, there's the hometown fan base wondering why you gave up on the game with time on the clock. Those are the folks who fueled the Free Agency grab (h/t to StB for the article)with hopes that Zygi will not pick up and leave if that suburban stadium does not come to fruitation soon (this year is certainly giving it a push). No one likes a blowout, if you played ANY form of sports you probably have experienced both sides of this. Looking up at the lop-sided scoreboard with rabid parents still cheering you on like the lights say 2-1 instead of 21-0 after that ringer team from Edina offered the future NHL prospects free private school educations and donuts from Wuollet's on Wednesdays. Or your team of work buddies playing the local bar softball league and finding out that half of them used to play minor league ball but have since got married with kids and found grabbing an education with a career more important than chasing Crash Davis' dream of making it to the show. Your team donned in the corporate colors goes on to demolish the other corporate teams that mostly contain players that once played T-Ball and were looking to get out from behind their actuarial tables for some night air and instead got bullet line drives coming off real athlete's bats.

But this is different. These players are PAID to show up and perform for 60 minutes, not 50, not 55, but all 15 minutes of each quarter when they take the field. If you want to blame someone, blame the coach. Chilly should/could have subbed in T-Jack for the ending but still trotted on his best lineup despite the defeat written on the faces of everyone sitting on the opposing sideline. Even so, if T-Jack had tossed that TD pass to say Jeff Dugan, would we have the same "uproar" from Keith Brookings (who by the way was part of that 1998 Falcons team that crushed our souls)? Perhaps they were just taking out the Dirty Laundry?

I'll leave that question open for the Cowboys' fans out there. If the backups score on that play does your opinion of "running up the score" change?

All in all the Vikes were the better team yesterday and now travel to New Orleans for what should be great game and I won't need to cut myself off after a few drinks since I'm off next week (but if you'd like to read the PokerStars Sunday Warm-up wrap I'd sincerely thank you for your audience as always).

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Hit Me Favre-y One More Time

Its game day.

Time for the Vikes to prove for the past few years that the only reason their team have not made championship runs is due to the deficiency at quarterback. He may be 40 years old, and the bane of Vikings fans for the past two decades but today Brett Favre takes the field in the Purple and Gold one more time with a legit shot at a second Lombardi trophy run.

Stiff competition coming from the resurgent Dallas Cowboys who sadly will not be bringing their wonderful orbs chest flesh and legs that can reach both ends of Jerry's World and just a few butt hugging strides. Examples shown below:

Image from

Image from

Image from

Lost in the silicone and Rockette shaped legs is a damn good football team that steam rolled the Eagles on back-to-back weekends to stake their claim in the vistor's locker room at the newly named Mall of America field for today's NFC Divisional playoff game. All the analyst are picking Dallas, and thanks to a certain blogger cooler, so are the bloggers.

Can Romo overcome noise and Jared Allen giving him Cowboy Stew receipes over the top of a very talented Cowboys O-Line (even chippy Flozell Adams get a nod and hopefully no one on the D-Line limps away with a torn ACL today). Can Favre win big in the Dome despite not wearing a Packer uniform? Will Pat Williams get to live his dream of doing a Slap Shot-like striptease for the folks in Florida after the Super Bowl? Will I get to bloat these pages with more Viking talk for at least one week?


Friday, January 15, 2010

What Sleep Walking in Vegas May Look Like

Picture credit: WPBT Champ Astin

Call this a public service reminder that 32 degrees in Vegas is the same 32 degrees in Minnesota no matter how many drinks you put away the previous day without sleep.

Enjoy your weekend folks and thanks again to all those who braved the cold for some golf ball swatting (rest of the pics found here). See you on Sunday where I'll working after either a) a crushing defeat or b) having a few celebratory drinks.

I think "b" will make for an interesting Sunday Warm-up write up :)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

16 Down, Three to Go

Photo credit: StarTribune

Favre-overload has been the way of life for the Viking fan this year. Not Purple Jesus, Moss, Culpepper, Love Boat Strippers/Hookers, or Touchdown Tommy plowing thru Hennepin Ave with a blood alcohol content on par with the percentage off of all dish towels during a linen sale at Target. Wrap all those personalities and issues together and you'd have a 15-second lead-in story into a 5 minute exclusive on Favre's breakfast decision. The things he's done here on the football field have been nothing short of a reawaking for team that just need one part to become part of the NFL elite.

He's supposed to be an unassuming, laid-back country boy yet the sports media circus that surrounds him is befitting for your run-of-the-mill latest Hollywood starlet that decided to kick her cocaine habit after getting caught snorting a line off Ron Jeremy's back on Sunset avenue. He's a 1st ballot Hall-of-Famer, we get it, let the man have his swan song, one last time down the Metrodome Mall of America field turf with 60,000 fans screaming for a new stadium and an extension on this year's playoffs.

Now if you'll excuse me, all this Favre talk has given me a season long identity crisis as rooting for the pariah of Packer Football (save Starr, Bart and Lombardi, Vince) feels like a sparkly vampire that needs to drink holy water to live. Yet here we are five months after touchdown at the Lindbergh Terminial of MSP, the Super Bowl still within grasp and we're still rooting for number four. All Viking fans save the biggest homers who bought their Favre jerseys in August and haven't taken them off since, are waiting for a reason to pile on Favre. Just one pick six to blow the game, a fumble, knocking up three cheerleaders at halftime, something to hate the guy again.

But I can't.

This year has been the most exciting to watch as a Vikings fan since the 1998 season, and in some ways more exciting since that team blew teams away with its record-setting offense where as this team had several fourth quarter blood pressure bursting drives and plays:

Still gives me goosebumps watching it

Either way, thank you Mr. Favre, regardless of Sunday's decision this season has been one to remember until I'm slurping protein shakes for meals in the local nursing home while donning my tattered Jaren Allen jersey.

But I'm still not buying that book.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Ferris Bueller Gets Another Day Off, Favre Does Not

Matthew Broderick has revealed he wanted to film a sequel to his classic eighties hit Ferris Bueller’s Day Off — which was written and directed by the late John Hughes.

The actor — who is married to married to Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker — says he spoke with Hughes before his death last year about making a follow-up film that would catch up with Ferris as an adult.

“It’s something we talked about – catching up with Ferris as an adult and seeing how he turned out,” says Matthew. “We never quite got it together though. I’m still not sure what Ferris would be up to now.

“I wish John was around because he might have a good idea. I think he would maybe be living in a rich house near where he grew up. I bet he would be exactly like his parents.”

The actor says he wouldn’t oppose a Day Off remake — but he wouldn’t want to to be involved.
“A remake would be fine,” said Broderick. “I would be perfectly happy for somebody to do that. I probably wouldn’t enjoy having a role in the film. I would rather leave what we did as our thing.”

And please no re-make, other than Rounders 2, I'd love to see this sequel (about 15 years too late) how Ferris adapted to adult life when he doesn't have to bum rides off of people because he got a computer. Maybe segue to Charlie Sheen as a reformed drug addict turned sex addict? Jen Grey put in a corner by Edward R. Rooney only to have the real ghost of Patrick Swayze kick his ass Road House style.
Someone hurry up to Sunday because I usually like to face my disappointment by ripping the band-aid off rather than slowly edging the adhesive. Favre hasn't thrown a true pick-six (the one against the Steelers was Taylor's usually reliable hands taking a required 15 minute OSHA break), and with Drew Pearson's ghost floating around I'd rather see a blowout than Joe Buck reminding people, with 1:53 left on the clock down by 4 and on the 17 yard line with zero time-outs, for the 28th time during the telecast that Favre has 19,439 4th quarter comebacks.
Like a prudish high school girlfriend, don't show me the boob then spend the next two hours gathering up every sexual thought that's run thru my virgin brain only to be sitting alone in a multi-colored 85' Nova hatchback listing to a tape of Tears for Fears with a case of blue balls that's on par with taking a steel-toed boot to the midsection. Strip those Hello Kitty panties off and lets hope you don't get knocked up from the firehose method of birth control because that condom I had in my wallet for the past three years couldn't hold a piece of lint.
For the haters side, as always you should be reading Kissing Suzy Kolber's hater's guide to the playoffs. (Minnesota section found here). Seriously, this game should rock on both sides of the ball. It won't be the shootout that's happening on Saturday between the Saints and Cards, but I'm going against all the analyst's predictions (several of these guys should have their "NFL Analysis" cards taken away from them, Packers all the way playing against a team that curb-stomped them twice and AT HOME, really?!?!) and making the homer prediction of a 24-20 victory for the Purple.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Starting today or maybe yesterday you'll find my posts (except the dark, semi-creepy, non-Confucius filled scribbings) both here and at, with two kids and a continuation of last spring's fitness resolution there hasn't been time to squeeze out enough strictly poker-related material between two blogs. Throw into the mix that Playstation 3 that I bought on Amazon while comfortably in my lucky green and red jammies with dice on them on Black Friday for the same price as those who lined up at midnight at various stores (SUCKERS!), and my little poker free time is being torn into another half.

Dragon Age: Origins has been the name of the timesuck. It takes me back to the days before I dished out money on the virtual poker tables and spent my days doleing out critical hits on lvl 50 Enchanters and hunting down the latest uber gear in Dark Age of Camelot. Except this time it's with a clearer mind of not getting addicted to the seemingly endless storyline. For some it's killing pixels via Modern Warfare or Borderlands, for me I enjoy the specializations and nerdery of RPG games with valliant quests to find Rexel's mother who was lost in the woods during the Blight's latest's push to overcome mankind.


Yes, I know this. Some people do quilting in the dark, I play online RPG games and can still hit a softball further than you so there. I win at life and get the +6 DragonScale Cool Shades.

Poker will come back into focus by the weekend as the WBCOOP is starting up at the end of the month and this humble blogger would love to be on both sides of the SCOOP ticket this time. I'll also run a live-blog here most likely for the 8-game or PLO tourney if I'm at home and grab a piece of couch that isn't overrun by two kids hopped up on those M and M stuffed plastic candy canes.

See you then.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Packers Have Nine Zero Lives Left

(sorry for the title screw-up)

I tried to turn off the Packers/Cardinals game yesterday.

Down 17 and the Buzzsaw slicing downfield against one of the top defenses in the league for a fourth straight score as Fitzgerald Jr. racing beyond the red zone only to be met with a perfectly placed fist of Charles Woodson who started this track meet with a fumble. Rodgers struts out a promptly goes downfield for the first of many scores.

In what should have been a blowout, the Packers showed everyone just how underrated this team was (giving the Packers praise is making me nauseous) and doing without two big starters on defense and an offensive line where they had to pull some construction guys away from their 30 pack of Natty Light and ice fishing houses to play left guard. Kudos to the Pack for making this a game when rolling over and dying would have been the play for most of the other NFL teams. A 4th and 5 late in the game turned into a late touchdown, a missed 34 yard field goal by a kicker who'd missed just one kick all year with a few seconds left, AND winning the coin toss in a second half where both defenses decided to take in that figure skating special showing on NBC (I believe, sadly triple lutzes by women in leotards and sequins doesn't do much for me).

In the end it was a hesitation by Rodgers and a ball bouncing into Karlos Dansby's lap with no one but some uplifted turf to stop him from winning the game 51-45. Who wouldn't have wanted to see Favre Bowl III?

The Dallas Cowboys that's who.

To segue into this machine that face the Purple this weekend, that turned in another big performance by dismantling the Eagles on Saturday 34-14 and cementing the other team name on the NFC divisonal round playoff games at the Mall of America field (yes, corny name for a stadium that HOPEFULLY on its way out). While both teams carry solid defenses on their backs, I'm predicting a high scoring game although nothing like the one yesterday at the Pink Taco. Both defenses are going to get spread out by the pass leaving the running games to determine which team will control the clock and mostly likely the scoreboard. I wouldn't be a true homer if I didn't think Purple Jesus would hold a slight advantage but we'll see if the kid can return to early season form and not this 9 for 50 yards and a Tom Rathman-esqe goal line touchdown.

The nerves of Romo vs. the not-getting-any-younger arm of Brett Favre. Favre wants the ultimate fuck you to Ted Thompson, while Romo would love to have the fumbled field goal kick replays to stop, who is going to get their redemption?

Had to play it once...

Excuse me while I flog myself after singing praises to the Packers (seriously great game sirs, very entertaining win or lose).

Saturday, January 09, 2010

2010 WBCOOP at PokerStars

Hoping I can play the PLO and 8-game at least.

Online Poker

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! Bloggers can register for to play for free in the WBCOOP, if you don’t have a PokerStars account you can get your Poker Download here.

Registration code: 074933

Thursday, January 07, 2010

People of Wal-Mart Want You to be STD-free

We interrupt flashback 2009 for this:

Found on the site People of WalMart which is like having awesome people watching brought to your internets versus having to brave the mongoloid supercenter of trailer trash. Spot on ad because the first thing people think about WalMart are confused people with STDs or Mullets as shown below:

Tonight I'll be rockin a similarly awesome shirt than this lady while in the comforts of my own home playing poker as the three-day weekend takes start while the PCA rages on at considerably higher temperatures than Minnesota.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

PokerStars Starts Off the North American Poker Tour

A pause for the flashbacks to bring some pretty cool news as PokerStars finally comes state-bound to the Venetian next month.

POKERSTARS.NET SPONSORS EXCITING NEW NORTH AMERICAN POKER TOUR is delighted to announce the launch of the long awaited North American Poker Tour (NAPT).

The NAPT is the first major poker tour in North America created by poker
players for poker players with accessible buy-ins, expectations for
massive prize pools and thousands of players from around the world all
competing for millions of dollars. The NAPT will start at the Caribbean Adventure (PCA) in the Bahamas on January 5,

Two further stops are already planned for the NAPT’s inaugural season,
with more events to be announced soon. The NAPT Venetian event in Las
Vegas, Nevada, from February 20-24 will be the Main Event of The
Venetian’s Deep Stack Extravaganza I; and the NAPT Mohegan Sun Main Event
in Uncasville, Connecticut, from April 7-11 will be the star feature of a
spectacular new poker festival there this Spring.

Both Main Event buy-ins will be $5,000 and like the PCA will feature an
exciting variety of side events with a broad range of buy-ins to suit all

Joanna Krupa, famed from appearing on “Dancing with the Stars”
and “ Million Dollar Challenge” will be its TV host. It will
feature the very best players from North America and from around the
world, including team members Joe Cada, Greg Raymer, Vanessa Rousso and
Daniel Negreanu who is among those who have been eagerly awaiting the
launch of the NAPT.

“I'm really looking forward to the launch of the NAPT. has
done an excellent job sponsoring meaningful tournaments around the world
with the EPT, LAPT, APPT, and various other local tours – and it’s
exciting to see them coming to my home town of Las Vegas! With the
addition of the NAPT, I'll have a chance to play some tournaments on home
soil, and I'm very excited about that,” said Negreanu

The Venetian Las Vegas and Mohegan Sun will provide perfect backdrops for
each of the Main Events, fitting destinations for what is expected to be a
popular tour. The Venetian is the largest property in the country to
receive AAA’s Five Diamond and Mobil Four-Star Awards and is home to The
Grand Canal Shoppes, Canyon Ranch SpaClub, world-class gaming, exquisite
restaurants and a wide variety of entertainment. Mohegan Sun, owned by the
Mohegan Tribe, is one of the largest, most distinctive and spectacular
entertainment, and gaming, shopping and meeting destinations in the United
States. will provide the easiest possible way to qualify for the
tournaments with free packages up for grabs on Daily NAPT
Venetian freerolls are scheduled on and can be found in the lobby under Events/Special. Here players can win the $5,000
seat, plus accommodation, for absolutely nothing.

About The Venetian Las Vegas (NAPT Venetian February 20-24, 2010):
The Venetian Resort-Hotel-Casino, the largest property in the country to
receive AAA’s Five Diamond Award and Mobil Four-Star, is one of the
world’s most luxurious resort and convention destinations. Re-creating
Venice’s legendary landmarks, the resort offers unmatched service and
quality for leisure and corporate guests. Located in the heart of the Las
Vegas Strip, The Venetian features The Grand Canal Shoppes, an indoor
streetscape complete with gondolas and singing gondoliers, the Canyon
Ranch SpaClub, world-class gaming, exquisite restaurants, and a wide
variety of entertainment such as Phantom-The Las Vegas Spectacular, Blue
Man Group, David Spade and Wayne Brady on its premises, as well as
extensive convention and corporate services. For additional information,
visit and follow on twitter @venetianvegas.

About Mohegan Sun (NAPT Mohegan Sun, April 7-11, 2010):
Mohegan Sun, owned by the Mohegan Tribe, is one of the largest, most
distinctive and spectacular entertainment, gaming, shopping and meeting
destinations in the United States. Situated on 240 acres along the Thames
River in scenic southeastern Connecticut, Mohegan Sun is within easy
access of New York, Boston, Hartford and Providence and located 15 minutes
from the museums, antique shops and waterfront of Mystic Country. More
information is available by calling 1.888.226.7711 or visiting

About is the world’s largest poker site with more than 31 million
members around the world. It’s the first choice of the world’s top players
with more daily tournaments than anywhere else with the best security
online. More hands have been dealt on than any other site. operates worldwide under the license from the Isle of Man
Government, UK. regularly sets the bar high, staging some of the biggest
online and live poker tournaments in the world:

The European Poker Tour attracts many of the best players
worldwide and currently generates the biggest prize pool of any poker tour
The Caribbean Adventure (PCA) staged on the shores
of Paradise Island in the Bahamas is the largest and richest tournament in
the world outside the United States.
The Latin American Poker Tour unites many of the best players in
Latin and South America
The Asia Pacific Poker Tour does the same across Asia and the
Pacific is also home to an elite team of sponsored players– a group
of established and up and coming players that travel the world competing
in international tournaments. For a full list visit

A Walk Through 2009: April thru June


- SCOOP became a big thing around my household. Not as a player (might change this year, as I’m looking to take a shot sometime this year) but as a humble scribe. I would have thought by now reporting on online poker tournaments the lack of human interaction would turn this job into a tedious one.

Exact opposite.

There’s a strange rush I get from watching unknown pros, hoodie/sunglasses WPT-wannabes, and the basement dwelling 30-tabling Supernovas battle it out for more cash than I’ll see in a decade. There’s no resentment of making the “here’s your new SCOOP Champion yaKKaZuMA69 who won $350,000.00 after defeating RubYoMama heads-up for the 6-max Super-Turbo One Card Exposed Hold Em’ Championship!”. It sounds ridiculous but I enjoy my Sunday nights and those big tournament gigs that test sanity with 6-8 hours of work till the wee hours of the next day, then trying to cram a 10-hour day of spreadsheets and invoices all while remembering that Kyra only likes the purple bendy straws in her chocolate milk.

- Had a shot at the elusive Mookie title but vacated the wait

- Got ready for another season of softball after “retiring” for the most part. One of the better decisions as the nights in the parking lot after the games were a mid-week stress relief.

- Minnesota tried to ban online gambling which would have effectively killed my future blogger endeavors since my funds for such trips comes from working on the PokerStarsBlog and the very rare tournament scores.

- The first Brett Favre reports come out. Of course I’m in dreamland now with two games before a possible Super Bowl, but as a lifetime Vikings fan Brett Favre represented the epitome of football hated as the best player on the rival’s team (and even if they go one-and-out I'd thank him for the excitement this year). But, this fan of the Purple couldn’t comprehend the media coverage that follows this guy. Holy shit even Randy Moss, Joe Mauer, Kevin Garnett, and Visanthe Shiacoe’s dong combined couldn’t get more face time on ESPN than this guy.

- There was also quick hit about what your Minnesota sports jersey says about you


- WSOP begins, friends start their long journey thru the Amazon Room’s bad food, strippers looking for tricks on the rail, and 17 hour days for the next 40-ish days.

Personally, I will try to make it out there again this year because I did seemed to do quite well chopping up the O8 event down at the Binion's Poker Classic despite being not in-the-bag, but thru-the-bag-and-searching-for-discarded-hooker-handouts after a 15 hour playing/drink-athon. Seeing Otis, Gene, F-Train, and Al railing me and CK while taking in that couple straight from an HBO special on “What Happens When Psych Patients Don’t Take Their Meds”.

Sadly the guy could have ran over the final table with the chip lead he had but instead watched that mighty fortress of clay reduced to pleading to be included in the 5-way chop. Basically his ego and harpy wife cost him the $5K difference between the chop money and stated first prize.

Next up July, August, and September also known as the only months you won't see three inches of ice on Minnesotan roads.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

A Walk Through 2009: January thru March

I wasn't going to do this, but 2009 was a good year in the frozen white north. Maybe not for most, but this year saw my marriage repaired, and possibly my soul. It's not with light words that my push toward bettering myself knocked the final domino onto my wife who in turn wanted more as well. The recession sucks indeed, but this blogger made a couple decisions for the betterment of self and those lives who I touch each day and sometimes those who I get to see only on a yearly basis. Also, to remember as scrolling thru the posts I had a few font-filled moments that were forgotten and other moments I'll always keep tighter than my daughter's wrap around her favorite rainbow Care Bear.


Started out with a trip to my 2nd favorite place on earth. Ely, MN. No, not the bone breaking cold temps but the pureness of the night’s skies and proximity to degenerate activities. I also won a small live Omaha tournament while visiting Fortune Bay’s Casino, sadly monumental victory over 20 players was not covered by PokerNews, PokerStarsBlog, or Dr. Pauly chatting with the Ice Fishermen at the Kwazy Wabbit about their 5:37am walleye rush before the first thermos of Baileys and Coffee was finished. Maybe next time.


- Wrote out another list as a milestone birthday approached and the Buzzsaw known as the Arizona Cardinals made their improbable run to being one play from Super Bowl champs (be the Vikes this year please, please, please) and sweated a river card of employment

- Also took the first steps towards a life-changing decision. No, I got the snip sometime ago and still remain blissfully blank in the sperm department, although my wife questions if they snipped out my remaining brain cells sometimes. That first trip to the ear specialist took a lot of introspection and now with retrospect I can’t see why it ever took me so long.


- Received a couple of big somethings in the mail and email from friends that gave me the last push towards auditory freedom. Their generosity blindsided me as I spent a few nights wondering what I did to deserve such friends. I still ponder on this from time to time.

But, the wait kinda sucked.


- More waiting for the hearing aids.

- And bad predictions of wanting horrible quarterbacks for my favorite team (good thing we held out for that other guy).
Then came the first sounds after inserting the puck-shaped batteries into my bionic ears. And more would pour in afterwards

I also penned a short story for Truckin which was very therapeutic to release as the pang of survivor guilt doesn’t ring as much after getting the story out. My many thanks again to those who helped. There's another Truckin story that I'd like to get out soon, and according to the Dr's orders I'll need a good drink and comfty couch with zero distractions except maybe some Steel Panther raging thru my new ears.

April thru June coming up tomorrow.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Restored for 2010

I should have done a year end wrap-up post, but didn't.

I should have had some words about laying out like an amateur on New Year Eve, but didn't.

I should, I should, I should but didn't.

Instead I spent the weekend with my family and getting plenty of rest in lieu of getting back to braving the sub-arctic weather that now rolls thru the plains of Minneapolis' suburbs (note to bloggers coming up here in August: the weather will be a tad different, maybe less spit-freezing-before-it-hits-the-ground type of cold). The result was getting rid of the nasty H1N1-Vegas strain of gunk that has held onto my lungs for the past three weeks, and seeing two kids with a little brighter smiles.

The weekend wasn't completely carefree and degenerate-like as there was the Sunday Warm-up final table wrap which Justin "looshle" Pechie a WSOP circuit event runner-up ran over the table for the most part but succumbed while heads up to take down $129K.

No, instead there was a lot of disconnect from the internet as nights I could have filled with my sudden re-interest in giving away money at the PL/NLO8 tables (as in 7 to 10 tabling like in years past), or sitting down with my thoughts and Cap'n Coke to chronicial a few tidbits for the friends that drop by here even after the Google bomb took most of the readers away, there was afternoon naps and no angry buzzing white noise in my head. Just peace.

This week will change that as I have three different projects/posts that I'm wanting to move from the in-box to the out-box as well as getting rid of the clutter thanks to hurricane Kyra as Christmas gifts have been spread to the nether regions of my home.

And home is where you'll find the Vikings after the Philadephia Eagles decided to watch game tape of the Vikings first half against the Bears. They looked as flat and out-of-sync as trying to belly up to the bar after partying with Al Cant Hang the previous night. Dallas on the other hand look competent with an array of crossing patterns aimed for #3 receiver Patrick Crayton, sidelines to Miles Austin, with Jones and Barber hitting the holes opened up the middle for a decent 24-0 win. While Dallas did win the game, the Eagles did many things to assure a loss and the now #6 seed instead of getting a week off AND most likely playing the Vikings where they have shown to display their worse football (away and outdoors), they'll have to return to Double J's StarWorld to prevent a second drubbing.

Two more wild card games are going off this coming weekend where they play the same teams in the first round, Cards vs. Pack (at the Pink Taco where the Pack looked scary good against a horrible Matt Leinart who must not have been fed his daily requirement of ASU virgins before the game) and WHODEY! vs. Jets-Jets-Jets where it appeared that Rex Ryan may have eaten those ASU virgins before putting a smackdown on one of the surprise teams this season.

As for the inconsistantly-consistant Vikings they spread their offense yesterday pummeled a depleted Giants team that started 5-0 only to be eliminated from playoff contention in week 16. 44-7 was the final score but factor in the T-Jack show for most of the second half and the Vikes improved their BCS bowl standings by rolling up an extra touchdown on 4th and goal while ahead 34-0. Not sure if Chilly had some motive for needling the 2008 champs but when you run the fake middle run and toss to the fullback or tight end six or seven times each time with success AND see Purple Jesus not getting huffy about the lack of touches while still running effectively (9 carries and 1 catch with ZERO FUMBLES), there's a chance this team will have some good things going for them in the upcoming weeks.

The playoff scenerio also assured the Vikes will play all of their playoff game(s) in domes which added to the 8-0 home record where they scored no less than 27 points a game. The bleak Super Bowl outlook just hit a huge river card please don't blow it, this fan would love to see his team follow through on something just once but the ghost of Gary Anderson is lingering with every TV stats-a-holic bringing up Longwell's accuracy rating from inside the 45.

How many PokerStars one-time chips can I use? Three would be perfect thankyouverymuch.