Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Thief By Suckout

Although poker is supposed to be impersonal, you have friends at the table regardless of check-raising and slow playing monsters for value which are part of the game and shouldn’t determine whether you go out for dirty martinis and wings afterwards. Bad beats are part of the game as well, but they hurt a little more since you did all you could, placed the perfectly angled squeeze bunt down the third base line only to have a tuff of wind and a rock knock the ball sideway enough to roll to the left side of the chalk.

While I don’t take it personally, it doesn’t subside the feeling that you just looked in your pocket after getting home from the local market after buying a Black Cherry New York Seltzer, and found that pack of Topps you were looking at and were going to pay for. Sure you could return it and get a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting and being a blight on society for your little sticky fingers.

I always preferred a different method of karmatic retribution, paying a little extra the next time and telling the storekeep about what happened. You look responsible, they probably knew you took it, and you retain the ability to walk back into the store without the clerk peering over the new copy of Penthouse from the rack behind the counter.

Afterwards you can go home and relish in getting that Tony Gwynn rookie card that you got without feeling the guilt.

Poker was the same story as its been for the past two months, run good at Bodog due to a huge suckout late against Peaker and taking 5th for those yummy extra $109 in overlay tournament dollars that Bodog offers for the 1st-5th. Also, this late finish should hopefully lock up that seat in the Tournament of Champions as I started the night in 9th overall with a healthy lead over 18th.

As for the Battle of the Blogger Tournaments series… can’t the motor running, can’t suckout, just not happening. You need breaks to get deep in these things whether its win a flip, getting Aces versus Kings and holding up, or grabbing that pack of baseball cards when you didn’t pay for it.

Mookie tonight. I want that winner’s interview before the end of the year sir. Good luck.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Zippy Chippy or Secretariat

First there was "Too Drunk to Call" and "Mr. Otis".

Now, a new horse emerges as the favorite for all serious horse racing bettors in this weekend's Kentucky Derby.

If he can fade that douchebag wearing a throwback Andre Ware jersey who just split tens while sucking down a watered down wine cooler and took the bust card from the dealer showing a 6, he will win the run for the roses.

Bob BlackJack will not be denied.

Or go see this creature try his hand at sharing a bathroom here.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Yes, Its That Good

Two thoughts before I immerse myself into the world of queries, tables, and forms:

- Is there anything better then having a freshly baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookie from mom's house in your mouth before beginning the day?

- Why does parenting bring you to the brink of madness, the verge of taking apart your Chevy Trailblazer with a pair of tweezers and that screwdriver you get in a glasses repair case, then it takes one hug, one kiss, one look through those bright baby blues for you to remember how blessed you are to be able to be part of their lives.

But I'll admit some discomfort about trying to have sex while your soon-to-be two year old daughter is belting out Barney songs like the fat lady at the end of an opera, an hour after being put to bed.

Tomorrow I'm going to trash the trailer place for all their scummy worth, and try to make Pleasureland RV sucks the #1 Google hit for their company. Unless of course my trailer makes its way to my lot like it was supposed to last week by this Friday.

Friday, April 25, 2008

All-In For The Win

Who wants to buy Donkette's guide to winning pushfests?

I know I do. Damn things keep costing me a good night at the cash tables :)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Trying to Copa Without a Cabana

Next time you're in Vegas, make sure that Africian cabbie isn't wearing too many gold rings...

... he just might be a penis snatcher!!!

I guess not double wrapping for that hooker isn't the only way to make your dick shrivel up and fall off.

Poker double standard seen twice last night:

- Berated by Pirate Lawyer for calling his small blind monkey re-steal push with TT in the big blind when I put him on AJ, AQ, AK in the early stages of the Mookie, watched him do the same call at the final table under similar chip circumstances. I felt doubling up early was worth the gamble, but I lost (he had AQ, flopped the queen). Good play or no?

- Final two tables of the $5 PLO8, player has been going off about the horrid cards people will play for the past 5 minutes in the chat box, he pots it on the button while I'm holding A255 double suited, have him covered by 4BBs, and he still has 20BBs behind. I re-pot it, he goes all-in, and I call to see him flip up... 277J rainbow

He wins with a pair of Jacks on an all high flop. Despite the crippling blow with 15 left, I made the final table and promptly got quartered the first hand and the scraps got eaten up because I had no chips to make crap hands fold.

If you're going to play a certain way, don't hold it against someone else when they do the same thing. If PirateLawyer and this PLO8 maestro were female, then I'd understand the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do attitude. Over the past ten years my wife has drilled this universally accepted logical explanation of why she's never wrong into me. :)

New trailer was supposed to be sitting on our little plot of land this morning, instead its in the park's front parking lot because the delivery guy and his third-grade aged daughter didn't bring the neccessary equipment to haul away the old one. After the wife and father-in-law spent two days off work to get it ready for that departure, the RV place will be receiving a not-so-happy phone call this morning. I'm guessing my father-in-law will not be discussing the Jared Allen to the Vikes trade with the dealership.

My "exciting" announcement is out today because unfortunately the deal fell flat due to circumstances out their control. Next week I was going here, to assist in the coverage of the brand-spanking new Latin American Poker Tour. I'm still touched that someone out there felt I was worthy of such a tap on the shoulder, but very disappointed that I won't be reporting on the new widths of g-strings on Rio's beaches along with chip counts. Hopefully there will be a mulligan coming my way.

Riverchasers tonight where you will not find me as the boy has a cross-sport class where they play basketball, soccer, and throw ninja stars at sloth-like half-caf mocha makers in Starbucks uniforms. I'll be there with a raised glass to cheer those participating on later tonight. Good luck!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Under The Shirt Feel-Ups

2 off bubble in Skillz game (at least it was a coin flip)
3 off bubble in the $4K PLO (I HAD POT ODDS!!!! Was the cry after flipping up 99XX to my AAXX after a rag/rainbow flop and the money went in).
Bottom cash in the Stars $5 PLO8

I'm looking for a bright spot, but I think this quote is why I continue to try:

If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.
-- Julia Sorel 1926-

I'll keep plugging away like a horny high school kid trying to get his first lay, until I finally get inside that winner's circle.

Moooooooookie tonight, my participation depends on the kids not getting woken up by wayward helicopters performing god-knows-what at single digit times in the AM. Thanks for that while the wife is gone good sirs.

EDIT: Jared F'in Allen to the Vikes???? Now I REALLY hope Farve makes a comeback!!!

Edit to the Edit: I knew Big Daddy Drew wouldn't let me down.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

For the Love of the Game

When you get a second chance at the ability to live life how you wanted, should you care that your soon-to-be two year old decided to ship her perfectly crafted spare ribs air mail at the freshly painted wall giving it the Jackson Pollock treatment? Or that the wife maybe dropped one too many hints about everyday going ons this week, straddling the line between helpful and total bitch?

I’ve looked at the little things that used to “destroy” week and brood over them like they were ending my marriage, sending me to live under a bridge and wash people’s windshields for enough money to buy a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. Granted, I still get a kick out of complaining about bad service at a Starbucks or how infinitely annoying the full, headbanging volume of the Verizon Wireless sign off jingle is on my cell phone. Or go into detail why some people should not be allowed to breed as a sign of my discontent over their inability to use a copier, causing delay in my very important TPS report printing and hot chocolate drinking.

The reason I started this blog was for my love of cards, particularly poker. A long losing streak has left me wondering if I should turn this page into simple rants about everyday life or continue plunging forward with every Aces cracked. Granted, my posts are mostly about my kids and how the backyard needs some serious green thumb intervention, but I do like to discuss poker at length still just not with the passion of trading hand histories or the actual cards involved with a hand. Instead, I’d rather know how someone dealt with barely making into the money in their last five tourneys, what did you do with the money after that big score, or how did you manage to even log on after coming one card from getting a Battle of the Blogger Tournament TOC seat?

Those are type of questions I’m interested in, not how to play 89s UTG with a field of aggressive players ahead. The cards play themselves with minor tweaking for check-raising and floating, if you get Aces and someone else is lucky enough to have Kings, you’ll win 80% of the time. Simple math, not the Full Tilt Random Number Generator, but simple math caused that four flush to come out causing you to question once again why you play this stupid game.

But, you the player know why you play and come back to the table after months and months of “beats”. It’s not the same drive for everyone, but your reason is your own, and no one else’s.

Hold on to that, and you’ll see why those imaginary internet friends come in handy as they spin tales in their own voice about those home games, big wins, and for the brave ones how they lose.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Jot Dot Jump

The little one below will have to entertain you for another day as daddy is busy.

Thanks again to RakeBrain for the freeroll on Thursday, I was one card from picking up the $100 bounty on LeCheese (seems like a repeat of every post for the past five months...)

For those without a call button, Hoy tonight. Bring a cup.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Lazy Cap'n Thoughts #279

How do you get your wife/girlfriend to wear just a hockey jersey because you find it sexy?

LeCheese Revenge: Who Wants His Free $100?

With the bankroll on the lam due to another startling display of great luck last night, opportunities like tonight's LeCheese Revenge are greatly appreciated and needed. Hopefully the host will improve on his gigli performance from last time., a noted authority on giving those 12 table grinders a cut of their rake back on several popular sites both US and non-Stars and Stripes friendly, is putting a decent sized prize pool together for a few degenerates (most are known to me like Buddy who pulled off a great bluff against me last night and broadcasting BuddyDankRadio from the Borgata in a few weeks!!):

Crazzynesss - RakeBrain stafft
d8507 - RakeBrain Rakeback Member

So, if the BBT3 isn't enough of a blogger on blogger orgy for you, come see my aces get cracked while bubbling out at Full Tilt 1800ET (meaning there better be no traffic on I-94). Last night made the 8th out of 21 BBT3 tournies I've gone out of with Aces, if someone has a word of advice other then the time honored "variance will turn around", I'd love to hear it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Starbucks Customer Service

Final two tables of the Skillz game. Only the fourth time in the points in 20 tourneys (3 of them non-hold em').

Final table bubble of the Bodonkey (hopefully getting enough points to sit comfortably above the 18 player mark for the WSOP freeroll).

And finally a double cash in the Full Tilt daily double for the first time.

Not great results but ones that will get me to fire up the computer at night.

Since we're on a poker roll this morning, Mrs. Otis put a shout-out to all of us blogging degenerates to link up her favorite professional pai gow master as he navigates through the multitude of Scandi names and $50 cheeseburgers while covering the EPT Monte Carlo Grand Finale. I personally like the video live coverage but am always quick to refresh the pokerstarsblog for Otis-styled updates on the floor that a camera can't capture. Looks like Antonio Esfandiari is the one being chased at the beginning of day 4.

A story if you've checked out Monte Carlo and await the Coke Lite swilling reporter's next post:

Granted 99% of you reading this have better hearing then I and may not get it, but indulge me with half an ear and an open mind because nothing pisses me off more then ignorant people. People with hearing disabilities do not wear a sign around their necks unless they have an impossibly hot out-of-modeling-work Playboy playmate walking next to them wearing nothing but a g-string and nipple tassles while signing for them.

But, I expected better out of this poor excuse of a sloth.

Its been cold lately in Minnesota


It’s been so cold; polar bears abandoned their homes here and fled north

[cue canned laughter from the sound machine]

This previous Saturday found us at several different department stores searching for new knick knacks for the trailer, a mother’s day gift, and a Starbucks so I could get my hot chocolate.

When a sudden cold snap comes about I tend to splurge on a hot chocolate while pretending to enjoy a shopping day with the family (actually I do enjoy going, just when one of them requests to use the restroom five times in a span of 10 minutes then decides to let a shit storm fly when I don’t get there quickly enough on the sixth time it wears ones patience). So we’re having fun, mom is going to get a Rachel Ray’s bacon frying skillet to add to the set we got her last month, Kyra is cleaned up and ready to press every horn on the display of this Elmo driving game, and daddy is ready for his hot chocolate for which he sneaks down to the Barnes and Noble to get.

Smart looking people are seated within the black-painted iron fenced cafĂ© and I instantly drop the average IQ of the patrons by 30 while stepping up to the Starbucks counter. There a homely girl with a face that reminded me of an ex-girlfriend but unlike her, made her barista smock strain a bit up top, took my polite order of one hot chocolate, regular 2% milk, no whipped cream and no I wouldn’t not like to try a five dollar cookie today. While the order is being filled, the wife shuttles the two antsy kids to the back where they set up some toys to keep their minds occupied. Five minutes later, I’m getting a little worried as the counter help doesn’t seem to be motivated enough to blend overpriced milk and chocolate together so I can relieve my wife of having to track down both kids as the set up of Thomas the Tank Engine is being fought over. She glances up every so often as I scan the store while pacing in circles.

Yes, poker still has its own book section. No, its not going away.

Ten minutes go by, and now I can hear the wife on the other side of the store ready to lay into me for taking so long. Its like a calm before the storm where the actual words are not heard but you’re already preparing for them. Meanwhile, sloth-girl continues to look uncomfortable with my pacing and non-lewd glances in her direction, probably wondering when I’ll get the nerve to ask her to prom, but continues to say nothing.

Fifteen minutes are up, still no warming sleeve in my hand and the wife is carrying the youngest one while the boy pleads to go back for Percy and company. The storm is about to rain on top of me. I explain calmly to the wife that I’ve been waiting for the drink and only one customer has come up within those fifteen minutes. She marches straight up to the “order here” sign and demands “what the fuck people??” (not in exact words, but if you ever hear my wife swear I suggest running in the opposite direction, in ten years I’ve heard it three times).

The sloth-girl points towards the end of the counter where my drink was visibly hidden by a display of coffee beans.

“Its been sitting there for ten minutes” she says in a tone better left for a three year old that just spilled his ice cream on the back seat of your new car.

“Did you bother telling him??”


“Was he looking at you??!?!?!”


“Did you try again?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!”


Feeling about as high as a grain of salt on the floor that had been deicing the sidewalks I grabbed the now tepidly warm drink and left.

Question to the masses: Do you consider sloth-girl’s actions bad customer service or am I to blame for assuming there was something wrong with the machine?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Pros and Cons of Swimming Lessons

The great thing about bringing your kid to the community center for swimming lessons:

Mommy boobs

The horrible thing about bringing your kid to the community center for swimming lessons:

Mommy boobs

Its all about when you look up from the most recent issue of Maxim. Timing is the key.

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Short Road to Hutchinson

If you ever wondered how many World of Warcraft dorks are out there... they'd make a decent sized country with a big enough stockpile of WMD's (such as the Hand of Ragnaros) to send a few U.S. troops over to battle the Paladins and Warriors.

Ok, I admit I'd be hooked too being a gaming dork myself :)

And I'm sure it would be a lot less frustrating then poker has been.

This weekend was a travel through the small towns of Minnesota on the way to meet a friend who's moved away from The Cities for a quieter side of life and pursue his new career. Howard Lake, Dassel, Cokato, towns with farmland sitting adjacent to the high school. Towns welcoming you with all you can eat potato pancakes on Sunday morning at the Lions club; probably after church lets out. To the dismay of my fellow passenger, no Egg McMuffins to be found down the one side road along main street to these under triple digit population towns. Traveling along Highway 12 on the back roads from Hutchinson back to civilization we saw the old school roadside taverns with the weathered oak sign, that probably served three styles of Schmidt beer for a dollar a piece complete with barkeep who doubled as a farmer. The rolling hills of soon-to-be filled with corn stalks were covered in snow, a stark reminder that the state forgot that something called “Spring” started a few weeks ago and I’d appreciate not having to don a ski jacket while playing right field next week or gore-tex gloves to have a beer in the parking lot afterwards.

I’ve wondered if small town living would be right for me if I could find the right amount of income to sustain such a life for my family. Having family and friends close by is the reason I didn’t accept a different job several years ago that would have me basking in the desert sun of Tempe. Are mom’s chocolate chip bars and a ten minute drive to work worth nearly double the mortgage payment to live in a suburb?

You betcha.

Hoy tonight. If I manage to dodge the call-all-in-with-the-JackAce fan club this evening in a peep tourney you’ll find me there this evening. If not, good luck to all those pursuing those WSOP seats in the BBT3.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Mastery of 2+2 Speak

I am unhip.

Could someone please tell me what a "donk bet" is?

Unfortunately, Lucko didn't include a 2+2 magic decoder ring :)

My apologies for being an ass, as I would like to improve my middle/late game because that seems to be my sticking point with tourneys lately. Get thru 75% of the field, and get too low and pray for a 60/40 or flip to hit my way. I don't allow myself to get blinded down to ATC will call territory, but would like to be in position more often to 3-bet without being pot committed and having to shove.

Yes, that's a poker question folks. Lindsay Lohan's breasts and betting on Sean O'Hair to be the top American in the Masters at 25-1 type golf bets are taking a back seat. Not that I'd throw money at such a thing because who the hell bets on golf?

Congrats to Recess on the win last night! $2K pot in a cash game, now a seat to the TOC, nice job!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

In the Funhouse with Donkeys

Nothing like trying to get some sleep and get popped out of bed because you downloaded the original Super Mario Brothers from NES on the Wii and your son needs help knocking the bridge out from under Bowser.

At least I don't have a poker whine for the masses today, rejoice! I thank Otis for his ability to look inward at poker despite the daily shouts from Ty Pennington's bullhorn while his Extreme Home Makeover is going on. Also, KuroKitty's find of an Ed Miller post on why you should be playing poker is a great read for those who rest on their winrates and victories versus examining why you fire up four tables at PokerStars everynight.

Short Answer: It should be fun

Tonight is always fun because I add alcohol to the mix, but why should I have to rely on Captain Morgan to make those two outers sting less? I've played the game for quite a while and should be at the tables because I want to be, versus the chance to feel superior because I've read a few books and gotten sage advice from several players that have helped over the years. My goal isn't a dollar amount (although with the summer coming up and my wife not working much it would help) but rather I'd like to be able to stare at any combination of cards that fall and walk away with nothing more then a polite nod and an honest "gg" towards the other player, win or lose.

And if that doesn't happen there's always Guitar Hero to jam to or view Lindsay Lohan pics to help Burt's Bee make some money (its not just for feet...).

Any baseball gurus out there help me with this Fantasy Baseball thing (that are not currently taking my money of course)? What kind of players should I be looking for on the free agent market? Should I try to trade for a heavy hitting team and leave my pitchers weak? Does Selsum Blue really control your dandruff?

Poker. Tonight. Riverchasers. Cheers to Al, hope he's doing well (saving up for the Bash is a current goal)

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Snow Snow Go Away Come Back Never

I want to be Matt Leinart. Make globs of money, nail ASU co-eds while rehabing injuries, and have two all-pro WRs waiting in case you decide to take this playing football thing seriously. Visit The (probably NSFW) for the pics.

So, who's coming over to my place this weekend to shovel the driveway?

I offer homemade chocolate chip bars, two adorable kids that will serve drinks with a smile their mother gave them, and all the Guitar Hero you can handle! If bored from Tom Morello kicking your ass, you can always toss the malcontent fat cat to see if he always lands on his feet.

This weekend I was supposed to be enjoying the first 18 holes of the year with a good friend that recently returned from Iraq. Mother nature decided that April wasn't soon enough to close down winter for the year so we'll be stuck playing poker all-night, followed by micro-stakes Euchre while chasing down Bacon McGriddles in the morning instead of plunking golf balls off woodland creatures due to a slice that would have David Feherty wondering why you like to light money on fire by buying golf clubs and paying green fees.

BBT3 rolls on to the Mookie this evening which I will not be playing in. After my snapping in the girly chat box last night it was clear I need a rest until drunken poker night tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Gayness Minus the Pink Shirt

I thought of something that Badblood mentioned while pondering on four decades of life, happened last night before I went out just before the cash in the Hoy.


People who I've met in the past near four years of mind-numbing hand histories and figuring out how many licks of Cap'n Coke does it take to put Drizz in a wheelchair.

People in the chat box and invisible internet friends popping an "Good Luck!" in the IM-girly chat machine for someone who's had a rough run playing this little card game.

For that I humbly thank you, and welcome your dead money tonight in the Skillz and Bodonkey :)

A Dribble Through the Legs

I promise more Vegas, less gloom in the upcoming weeks, as being called out by Waffles is telling me something.

Still awaiting a comfirming word on the special announcement I have brewing but should it not come to fruitation it was an honor to be asked.

Last night was the closest I've gotten to a cash at the Hoy, dropping in 11th with no "beats" to speak ill of nor any real asshats in the chat. Lucko's friend played very well, and kept me off-balance until I had to take a stand with a probable coin flip. I don't know who won at the end but hat tip to the new guy.

Who had a worse collapse? Bill Buckner's Legs, The Twins Bullpen yesterday, or Memphis bricklayers in the final minutes of that game last night?

If you only say it was a great comeback by Kansas, I should direct your attention to the 1-10 shooting in the final minutes where just one of those buckets nullifies that nicely set three point shot at the end of regulation. It shouldn't have even gotten there, much like some fish playing 83o for his stack with no pair, no draw and hitting runners to crack your big pair. Kudos to Kansas for taking advantage of this horrible display playing not-to-lose by Memphis. They had that kill in their eyes for the first part of the second half and lost it.

Pauly's Truckin' rolls through this month I suggest dropping all TPS reports and shredded NCAA brackets to head over for some prose that flows without the hangover and gravel mouth in the morning.

Truckin' - April 2008, Vol. 7, Issue 3
And we're back with the latest issue of Truckin'...!

1. Bong Hits with Rachael Ray by Paul McGuire My body sinks into the couch as soon as Rachael Ray comes on the screen. Rachael Ray's smile is intoxicating and any mentioning of EVOO sends orgasmic chills throughout my entire body. And when she grabs a fistful of meat, I wet myself.... More

2. Magpies Are Better Than That, All Wright? by Sigge S. Amdal Birthdays never set well with me. Today so many days ago I was shoved head first through the vagina of a woman I didn't even know at the time, radically interfering with her and her husband's sex lives, economical situation, causing nothing but general dismay for half a year before they finally got used to me... More

3. Skinny Dipping for Christ by Betty Underground At the other end of the pool a barefoot young woman, steps to the edge of the pool. Slender. Blonde with alabaster skin. Flawless. Angelic. She steps out of her skirt and pulls her t-shirt over her head. Standing naked, starring down into the pool, still lit from below... More

4. Axel by Kajagugu My plea trailed off at the end as he put the car in gear and we took off. He pulled a quick left hand u-turn out of the hotel taxi line across six lanes of traffic and barely missed a young lady on her bicycle... More

5. Happiest Place on Earth by Grand Master Pants Anyone can toss singles onto the stage, but she'd already mastered the art of tipping with style by stuffing dollar bills down her shirt, where the dancers had to be a little more, uh, creative in retrieving them... More

Monday, April 07, 2008

Kyra Speaks About Potty Training

A word from a potty training child:

"If you are a male and going to piss in a public restroom stall, I would be most graceful after telling my father four different times that I have to go while he's enjoying a perfectly crafted queso chicken burrito that he doesn't have to spend time each time its a false alarm cleaning up your inability to lift the seat in the upright position thus eliminating your porn star cum shot aiming deficiency of your tiny two inch dick that can't hit the water."

"It would also prevent daddy from teaching me new four letter words."

Kyra Vegas (Age 2)

Friday, April 04, 2008

Battle of the UIGEA

If you're even just an avid online poker player, make sure you're following the UIGEA discussions that are bounding around the internets.

Otis once again is leading the charge with a great live blog/discussion and here are a few more links below:

Several of the testimonies are found at YouTube, like this one from Harriet May and our biggest supporter Barney Frank

Edit: Oh Captain pointed out an excellent recap of the proceedings (which after watching most of the videos makes more sense now) Thank you Short Stacked!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Another Day, Another Asshat

pvanharibo: brutal
Drizztdj: I hate poker
Perticelli55: i knew it was coming...
Drizztdj: good night
PokahDave: glad I folded my AK
Perticelli55: if i didnt know, i wouldnt
Drizztdj: "I knew it was coming"?
Perticelli55: i knew
Perticelli55: lol
Astin: I guess folding my 3rd T assured that
Perticelli55: sweet

Crack my aces a mere 20 minutes into the Riverchasers, fine. Gloat about it? Seems to becoming the norm at these BBT3 tournaments.

Even my patience is wearing thin.

Doing the Bull Dance

My wife says its a tie who lasts longer, but I don't get paid to go longer then 8 seconds. In my defense, I have video proof that I can go nine seconds like a rock star (Yahoo key words: key west bull riding video).

Twins came out of the gate like Barbaro in the opener and fell like him as well over the past two games, managing just one run and wasting a great start by unknown to me Nick Blackburn. Carlos Gomez continues to look the part of promising young star in hopefully fading the trade of our ace to the Mets. If only our hyped and recently pumped full of cash middle of the lineup would do some damage, the Twins might make a run this fall.

Good way to waste $60? Open your computer to find out the fantasy baseball draft was three days ago while your self-exile from the virtual felt normally would have had you playing and not having to remember the time such things (my apologies April, but you still owe me $400 for your Longhorns flop-tactular play vs. Memphis). Self-proclaimed pink shirt and gay porn lover DP cheats and currently leading the pack, I need an "I win" button like him. Actually I'd need more help then that as my fantasy skillz rival those of Waffles picking a six team NFL parlay.

Poker blogger riffs? Check out Jordan's poker-blogging-Denis-Leary-channeling post "Assholes to Honey". My take, newer bloggers just don't get it yet. The expectation that because you have a poker blog that you're some world-class player is asking for a Whopper at McDonald's stupid (unless your Chuck Norris of course). We write about poker, and the stories behind the winning and yes losing. StB hits this subject with his "Circles of Poker Blogging Hell" series, a great synopsis of the current state of our little community of degenerate players.

It would be sad to see it crumble with all the good its brought to several people who have benefited thru actual play, the globs of free stuff thrown at us (hat tip to Al and Smokkee just to name a few), and most importantly the friendships which personally helped me to get out of the whirlpool I was getting sucked down and now am living a different life because of it (one year since I got my license back!!). A life full of hope and future, versus worrying about the past and what argument is going to pop up next.

Enough of the huggling. Riverchasers tonight, I'm putting the line at 35th and above for my finish this evening. Anyone for a small prop bet? :)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Partially Clothed Drizz

Damn Canucks can’t keep their choppers off our land! For those ever needing to meet nature by getting slapped by a fresh trout, mosquitoes, and experience those layers of cube monkey stress stripping off like lead paint chips, visit Ely, Minnesota. Go to the tourist route and lock down a resort cabin for the week or hike/canoe/camp in the Boundary Waters and your inner Paul Bunyan will thank you.

Since I’m battling debits and credits versus a five pound smallmouth bass this morning on Lake Vermillion, how about some poker! My greatness of getting my money in behind several times yesterday at the Bodoggie (which bumped me to 6th place overall), likely inspired future 2+2-esqe, 400 page reference guides to poker. To be fair I only CALLED twice while behind and that was a decision based upon the wall clock showing an odd digit and the fact I wouldn’t be knocked out if I lost. The rest of the silly river cards in my favor showed that maybe a little luck can shine in on a otherwise dark time of playing this card game.

Want to know what real feeling towards this game is, Otis spins his tale and opens his inner poker player soul for those to see. If you feel even a percentage of that way about the game while losing, you’re on your way to becoming a complete player. Aside from knowing the math, having the feel, or studying your opponents from across the felt virtual and real; just being able to play the game at its base when money isn’t the primary driver, will get you past the “sick sick sick rivers” and see the game what its for.

A battle. Luck. Gambit. Traps. And yes, skill.

I bemoan about luck in great length here, yet the game provided me with some last night because I chose to play in a manner that allowed me to channel it if just for one evening. It’s not a comfortable way to play, but if you’re sitting at a cushy corporate job with little to no stress and even less responsibilities, perhaps you can relate that you’ll only gain what is given to you versus going outside of that snuggly flannel blankey and try to be upwardly mobile on the corporate ladder.

Thanks for dropping by, now get your Mookie on tonight as the BBT3 continues to roll over my meager bankroll like Spud Webb trying to defend the lane against Shaq.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Appropriate Usage of the English Language #29

If the wife is in charge of the alarm clock and does not fulliful her duty of setting said device on a day you have a meeting downtown with some higher ups and should try to look a shade better then just-finished-a-bachelor-party-weekend-in-Vegas.

What do you say to the wife to assure you're not upset that some Ivy League MBA with a fresh pedicure and fresher line of sarcasm is going to stare at your stubble instead of listening to a proposal?

I opted for "its fine" with nary a hint of sharpness. I'm sure other scribes out there have faced such a decision whether to let their inner Waffles out on a small error such as this.

Poker advice of the day: Words you want to hear "I didn't think he was that big"