Thursday, May 02, 2013

50 days

She stood no more than arm length’s away trying not to look at the task at hand. Lightly colored face with a nose stud and auburn hair hidden with a bun. Her shirt was slightly ajar with button hanging to the left revealing a hint of carefully selected lacy underthings.

The whole thing?” she asked in genuinely surprise voice like she’s never been told this before

I want all of it” as I pointed in a downward motion leaving no question as to my intention

She licked her cherry red lips moving slowly forward, never taking her eyes off mine.

I returned the stare with a devilish grin of satisfaction after being pended up for this moment.

Her eyes grew gently softer as her hands reached their destination.

Thank you for the big tip, most people around here stiff us”.

No problem” I said as I walked away with my two servings of mostaccioli for the kids, side salad and lasagna for me and the wife, and some of the best cheesy garlic bread you’ll find around the metro area.

One-third through the last quarter of school and carrying the load of five classes (one of them for six weeks) has been trying on the psyche (see McGrumpy post from last week). That’s why I asked a few close friends what they prescribe for a case of the HOLY SHIT I’M TAKING ON TOO MUCH. All of them mentioned at least three of the following four things that will become the medically recognized cure for keeping your shit together. Gastrointestinal issues have the BRAT (Banana, Rice, Applesauce, Toast) diet which sucks ass but gets you through the gut pains.

Feeling like your life is a never-ending string of court appearences, spreadsheets, bad hotel coffee, and over demanding bosses? Meet the BEST diet!

B – Booze Easiest fix on the planet. Makes you socially intelligent and completely forget about next week’s overbooked meetings

E – Exercise Kids turning into movie extras from a poorly adapted Stephen King book? Go run/walk a 5K. Wife/Husband nagging you for the 26,174th time not to leave an open cereal box on the counter? Try some sit-ups with planks.

S – Sex No matter how you get it done, get it done. If you need to mix this with Booze, and make it Exercise as well, this is GOOD multi-tasking, well done.

T – Take-a-break Say “no” once in a while. Lock yourself in a treehouse with an iPad and play Slotomania or brag to the worn Claudia Schiffer poster about beating level 324 of Candy Crush. Don’t think, just get away and come back when the body is able.

The big 5-0 is done. Time to buck up for a rough next three weeks, if you’re playing in SCOOP starting on May 12th PokerStarsBlog has you covered.  But, before the madness ITS DERBY WEEKEND!  Gambling and booze in one neat package.  I was told Ocelot Sports may have a few words on those equine slot machines.  I hope so, otherwise I'm betting on numbers, colors, and if they have four legs.