Wow, could Matt Millen suck any more? Losing draft picks to ineptitude, buttah fingers, and now Iraq? Until the second coming of Eric Hipple, the Nardi brothers will have to settle for the nifty stadium, mack daddy mayor, and overrated wide receiver draft picks.
The Torchlight Run was awesome. The eye-gasm from hot female runners and spoting several faux celebrities made up for the pit bull-chewing-on-my-knee-pain that forced me to drink the samples of Mich Ultra Amber they passed out once those Under Armour workout outfit turned into a pool of sweat.
Among the crowd:
- Large Dog standing on guy's head with props while he clapped.
- Richie Cunningham if he worked out with Barry Bonds' trainer
- Rollergirl from Boogie Nights wearing "New York" across her tight shorts. After viewing the ripples of her thighs I no longer felt the need to split the lower burroughs and went back to gasping for air
- Female George Clinton whom the wife acutely pointed out her jean shorts were getting lost up her spacious ass but the rainbow hair coloring and feather had some appeal
- Che Guvera oddly wearing a Radisson front desk uniform and large Ray-Bans. Attempted to topple the Aquafina booth following the race and failed when the workers fought back with ice cubes and Norwegian swear words
The race from 14th down to St. Anthony's Main rocked for the views of downtown Minneapolis and crossing the Mississippi, but the cluster-fuck of the free snacks, pizza (which was fairly good), and near-beer in a small side park with 5,000+ sweaty runners waiting in a line better viewed as an L.A. traffic jam, needs improvement.
I'm posting the Montgomery Flea Market rap for the simple fact I can't get it out of my head this morning. Riverchasers tonight if the kiddies cooperate. See you there. Its just like, its just like, A MINI MALL!
Showing posts with label Run Run Away. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Run Run Away. Show all posts
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Fun Run In the Moonlight
Why is it easier to wallow in misery then bask in the sun while putting words into sentences? Writing comes more fluently, 50 cent words dancing within rants about mouth-breathing Arby’s employees who choose to neglect their GED studies while inserting horseradish sauce into the paper to-go bag instead of the requested packets of tangy Arby’s sauce goo that hits my Beef n’ Cheddar like a perfectly placed penis during sex.
What the penis goes into is up to you, I don’t judge anyone. Yet mind the mint level and it shouldn’t burn a week afterwards with a motorcross track of bumps suddenly appearing. Might want to get that looked at.
Watching the final tables during the Sunday Million at Stars over the past month or so has really changed my perception on tournament play. Every player who makes that final table got lucky. Period. View all the CardRunners videos, read Harrington in English, German, Japanese, and Sanskrit, go to a WPT Boot Camp, and it still comes down to cards falling your way. K3o versus Q6s all in pre-flop? Yep, biggest pot of the tournament that awarded $207,000 to first with three tables left not a freeroll. I’m sure the poker geniuses will spout about some level 11 play, pot odds, and their VPIP ratio divided by how many bong hits he took in the last hour. Granted the players who regularly make the cash, make it deep are doing something right by maximizing their wins, but if you don’t get those AA vs AQ all-in preflop for a 1st place sized stack type suckouts (which a well-known, and playing very well internet pro lost with in the final two tables) you’re not going to win.
Still love covering the tourneys though; it really does give you a different perspective on the game which I’ll try once the current gorgeous Minnesota summer weather fades back into the Hades of a Minnesotan winter. Muy thanks to Otis for the opportunity, I sincerely hope that I’m not tarnishing his good name with those write ups.
Tonight I’ll be doing this. The Torchlight Run and adjoining Aquatennial parade is a great jog through the streets of Minneapolis. And I do mean jog as my bad wheel is limited to a tight knee brace with a fistful of Advil after signing up for this several months before the old-man disease pop up while legging out a triple. On the softball field you perverts. I will restrain myself from kicking the first guy I see wearing yellow spandex shorts in the junk, but it may take a few pre-run pints from Gluek’s to do so. Seriously, why do these guys think this is “sexy” or even comfortable, you fail at life if you are a male looking at a mirror and slipping on the skin tight yellow M&M shorts and think “should I hang it to the left or right today for the ladies today?”, then proceed to take a bath an Axe body wash with a spritz of Drakkar Noir.
Females are more then welcome to do wear such things, except the Drakkar Noir. I insist.
Tomorrow expect me to drop in on Riverchasers since this lack of poker playing is building up like gas from eating a pound of bacon with cheesy hash browns at the Waffle House.
It’s good to be happy again.
What the penis goes into is up to you, I don’t judge anyone. Yet mind the mint level and it shouldn’t burn a week afterwards with a motorcross track of bumps suddenly appearing. Might want to get that looked at.
Watching the final tables during the Sunday Million at Stars over the past month or so has really changed my perception on tournament play. Every player who makes that final table got lucky. Period. View all the CardRunners videos, read Harrington in English, German, Japanese, and Sanskrit, go to a WPT Boot Camp, and it still comes down to cards falling your way. K3o versus Q6s all in pre-flop? Yep, biggest pot of the tournament that awarded $207,000 to first with three tables left not a freeroll. I’m sure the poker geniuses will spout about some level 11 play, pot odds, and their VPIP ratio divided by how many bong hits he took in the last hour. Granted the players who regularly make the cash, make it deep are doing something right by maximizing their wins, but if you don’t get those AA vs AQ all-in preflop for a 1st place sized stack type suckouts (which a well-known, and playing very well internet pro lost with in the final two tables) you’re not going to win.
Still love covering the tourneys though; it really does give you a different perspective on the game which I’ll try once the current gorgeous Minnesota summer weather fades back into the Hades of a Minnesotan winter. Muy thanks to Otis for the opportunity, I sincerely hope that I’m not tarnishing his good name with those write ups.
Tonight I’ll be doing this. The Torchlight Run and adjoining Aquatennial parade is a great jog through the streets of Minneapolis. And I do mean jog as my bad wheel is limited to a tight knee brace with a fistful of Advil after signing up for this several months before the old-man disease pop up while legging out a triple. On the softball field you perverts. I will restrain myself from kicking the first guy I see wearing yellow spandex shorts in the junk, but it may take a few pre-run pints from Gluek’s to do so. Seriously, why do these guys think this is “sexy” or even comfortable, you fail at life if you are a male looking at a mirror and slipping on the skin tight yellow M&M shorts and think “should I hang it to the left or right today for the ladies today?”, then proceed to take a bath an Axe body wash with a spritz of Drakkar Noir.
Females are more then welcome to do wear such things, except the Drakkar Noir. I insist.
Tomorrow expect me to drop in on Riverchasers since this lack of poker playing is building up like gas from eating a pound of bacon with cheesy hash browns at the Waffle House.
It’s good to be happy again.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Vegas Vegas VEGAS
Why does the shit storm always hit at work when you've got one hand on a Cap'n Coke, one ass-cheek sitting at a $5 Pai-GOW table, and your lips drooling over that Vanessa from Marigold, Missouri in the standard Vegas cocktail waitress dress that only covers up her nipples.
I'm buried under a sea of credit memos, ledgers, and meetings until punching out at 4:30 so do yourself a favor and hit up Pauly and Otis' coverage of the EPT Monte Carlo and live vicariously through the stories about eight dollar diet cokes and seeing people with pockets full of cash that would trump my net worth.
And for the artist formerly known as Bobby Bracelet:
Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.
Please send an encouraging message to a retarded
friend, just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm
animals, or occasionally shit yourself.......
You hang in there, Sunshine.
You're fucking special!
I'm buried under a sea of credit memos, ledgers, and meetings until punching out at 4:30 so do yourself a favor and hit up Pauly and Otis' coverage of the EPT Monte Carlo and live vicariously through the stories about eight dollar diet cokes and seeing people with pockets full of cash that would trump my net worth.
And for the artist formerly known as Bobby Bracelet:
Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.
Please send an encouraging message to a retarded
friend, just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm
animals, or occasionally shit yourself.......
You hang in there, Sunshine.
You're fucking special!
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