Ginsu > Drizz

Ginsu knives.

The one standing made me its bitch, ow  
They cut through cans and STILL slice a tomato with the sharpness of Louis CK discussing father's day.  Human flesh does not mesh with Ginsu knives however as the human flesh loses the battle.  Badly.  And that person being a parent of two children ages four and seven with four boxes of band-aid cannot find out that does not have Dr. Doofenshmirtz or a Disney princess on the front.  So to save face and the embarrassment of reaching for a sharp blade and forgetting my recent anatomy lesson that while skin does amazing things (especially on Marissa Miller and she got to hang out with Captain Morgan!  So jealous) does not withstand a blade that if you call RIGHT NOW, you can a five-piece blade set AND no shipping and handling for just $19.99!  What they don't add are the band-aid costs as they are needed when a half-sleeping dolt reaches into the soap covered sink and splices his digit.

Despite Agent P battling the evil doctor on the same finger that holds a $10 wedding ring found in the back alley of Nuevo Progresso, Mexico, I bleed for my tens of readers who drop by.  You're welcome :)

Yesterday I did something that was put in the back closet with my Playstation 2 and sex toys nearly seven years ago.  Actually, that's my real closet this one was proverbial and at work and I doubt corporate rules allow anal beads in the workplace. 

I went on two interviews.

Informational only but this employee, this father, this mix of degeneracy and hard work finally decided another piece was missing and trying to obtain a job that matches my new found drive to make something more of myself but it wasn't to seek a bigger paycheck.  In the two interviews one paid more, one had a good vibe.  Vibes are good, money can be replaced by people who don't understand four card poker (quick poker tip to those trying to beat the Rush PLO games...  to beat the monkeys, you need to play like one to some extent, I suggest alcohol and a lot of buy-ins because my graph, while it ticks upward looks like something you'd go dashing for a defibrillator to correct).  The hiring manager looked beyond my obvious rust in this setting and spelled out a job description that fit my plans, and while the pay is about the same, the opportunities to advance and get to where I'd like to go (Australia, Key West, Keeley Hazells's cleavage) are there.  The second position paid more, fit my skills, but had the personality of bed lint. 

The thought of coming in and not talking to my co-workers on a strict 9-5 Monday-Friday schedule much like a cubical prison did not appeal.  I'd go back to being a collector if more cash and high-pressured job contained in three walls sounded sexy.  Cash is sexy, pressure causes acne and 50 page rants about parking spaces being too small at the Mall of America.  Plus like my job on the weekend, and similar to doing recaps I will feel like I'm contributing to something.  A small part, just like at the PokerStarsBlog, but a part that fills a need for readers nonetheless. 

I'll never be the phoenix, the BMOC, the lead actor, but rather I enjoy plugging in my two cents worth of sweat and watching something or someone become successful as a result. And to further my recent revival without hymns or born-again retreats its time to make it happen at work as well.

Oh, a quick personal note. 

Actually this has been all personal but the sentence came out and so it be. 

MR. APA managed to find enough right with my final paper after I researched the perfect APA-formatting template to fit my unneccessarily neatly crafted eight page research on job retention and I aced it.  A third straight Dean's List and 20 free tokens at Chuck E. Cheese IS MINE!



PLO: I Fail To Suck again

Missed my son's baseball practice and was worried I was going to min-final table cash as I came into the last nine with the least amount of chippies.

Well...

We don't post pictures of min cashes here

Oberdonk had me at least four to one HUs holding just five big blinds. I took the extra $50 to chop it up and the small timer had another decent score under his belt. Sorry again for the dust rising in this space as my last week of school's first quarter ends and well, there's some work to do aside from the three jobs I've been juggling. And dropping the ball on my head this point would make those mornings of not being able to see straight all for naught.

Rawr.

If I win does that make me a slut?

This was not skill, this was getting hit with the deck. Great group of bloggers I'm assuming as I saw the twitter feed announce the tourney so I joined in. I apologize for the lack of posting around here as three weeks straight of working at the bullseye and on SCOOP has left me with a half of brain cell which I'm killing at this moment via Captain and Coke.

Be back soon.

Four Card Crack For Haiti

With PokerStars matching contributions to the Haiti Relief fund, my donking of Saturdays With Dr. Pauly allowed myself to give a little slice of pie towards the ongoing efforts to aid the earthquake victims after finishing 4th this afternoon in Pauly's tourney.



Combined with a little date night with my daughter (note to parents: Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday night is better left alone but she had a blast as I was left to bobbing and weaving thru the unwashed masses for prime skee-ball position) and an evening viewing of The Princess and the Frog with Spanish subtitles, and its a clear mind for tomorrow's NFC Championship game.

SKOL!!!!

PLO: I Fail To Suck

Chopped first last night for I don't know how much, but another win and a burnt handle of Captain Morgan.

Thank goodness I have an understanding wife and such good friends. Shit stairway to heaven had to come on while typing this.

Now I'm in tears, I love you all!

Asshats Need Not Apply

Why is a re-steal a brilliant play except when your opponent flips up Kings or Aces and it becomes “I got impatient”. Got into the moneys last night in Full Tilt’s 28K and managed to blow a par stack deep because fighting it out blinds versus blinds with A3o is a secondary qualifier for the Special Olympics.

Missed American Idol due to more internet hijinks that were solved it time to sign up for the Mookie and go out near Gigli-like place with Aces falling early. At least the dOOkie provided a freeroll for finishing third in a PLO format. Is it me, or is the asshat rating of the newer players in these going through the roof? Sarcasm is always welcome, jokes are a cornerstone of having fun, but being an asshole in these is like the dumbass at a keg party who goes into the parents’ room to steal mom’s favorite pink panties.

It doesn’t make sense.

Go show your superiority at the cash tables, go question some donkeys play in a $2 SnG for a half hour after his/her 56o “got there” versus your high pocket pair, but don’t come to these semi-private tourneys and tear into players that you don’t know. I think dry humping a cactus with a Prince video in the background while staring at a poster of Tiffany Amber-Thiessen (I'm sure if prodded Al will find you better pics) is more constructive then trying to win $150-$200 via the Mookie or Riverchasers. Wanna show off that mental acuity and brag about it? Go play NTN trivia at the bar, and hit on that neglected busty MILF with the watered down appletini in her bejeweled hand at the end of the row while sipping on your 2 fer 1 Sex on the Beach with a giant pineapple wedge in it.

Or feel free to allow a bullet to carve a wind tunnel through that thick skull of yours.

On a lighter side, if you’re not hitting up Pauly and Change100’s work down under at the Aussie Millions stop beating those kittens with plastic sporks and do something right in your life for once.

Yes, I Dislike Losing

Minus a few lines of whine, I hardly felt the missed rivers when I hands didn't hold up last night. But there will be no pokery musing today as I'm extending my lengthy middle finger towards flush-chasing monkeys that prevented me from getting a token because a $26 token it worth much more then a stack at the $.50/$1 tables of course.

Below are some scribblings by authors you may have heard of, read at your own risk (and enjoy every paragraph by these master keystrokers which bring you stories you won't find at your local Barnes and Noble). Rock on Pauly. The previous attempt of internet sarcasm as been brought to you by the Michael Vick legal defense team, where the motto is "abandon ship!!!".

Enjoy the new Truckin' folks.

Truckin' August 2007, Vol. 6, Issue 8

We're back with the last issue of the summer featuring some of your favorite writers.

1. Pyramid by Paul McGuire I quickly discovered that Seattle was a bastion for the super weird. You needed to have layered eccentricies in order to stick out among the masses of freaks. Goth-dykes with foot fetishes might freak people out in conservative cities and small towns, but in Seattle, that puts you in the core group of "normal people."... More

2. Cross-word by Sigge S. Amdal Her hair was in explosive disarray across the pillow like the blood spurt pattern from a shotgun blast. It was slightly blond, streaked with brown and very beautiful. It looked like the crossroad of infinite options where only a handful suggested returning to the bed. She was fast asleep... More

3. Meeting Mama McGrupp by Change100 I had yet to meet Mama McGrupp. Pauly assured me it was for a good reason. All I knew about this woman was that she was five feet tall, chain-smoked, had a wicked New York accent, was overly fond of Amaretto, and never had anything nice to say about anyone... More

4. Kansas Clouds by Susan B. BentleyClick. I got a photo of Kat just before she gave me the finger. Lying back down, I moved the lens across the sky, trying to capture a cloud on its journey. I sat up and took a picture of the track ahead. Nothing but mud and dust, bordered by fields of corn slowly moving in the breeze, nothing but empty for miles ahead... More

5. Summer Story by May B. Yesno Friends are a difficult thing. As a matter of fact they are almost impossible. Difficult to find for the first thing and just as difficult to keep - especially in a mobile society... More

Becoming A Poker Blogger Again?

I think I've pounded out more pokery stuff in the last two weeks then I have all year. Now you may ask, why is Drizz up at 2:30am knowing full well his wife will wake him up at 5:30am to attend to the kids?

Was he drinking with Daddy and Speaker while donking away his meager online roll?

Surfing Redtube for midget fisting porn?

Mezmerized by the Ronco chicken flipping over and over?

Nay.







Because I had to bring one home for the good guys, and April :)

I Was Neither Here or There

I don't know which was more disappointing while playing poker with my close, invisible internet friends last night:

- Slogging to a 4th place finish in the Mookie after entering the final table with a slight chip lead.

- Losing 1.5 buy-ins at the $10max PLO tables to luckbox Alan who managed to strip the freeroll winner's of all their pennies and was up six buys when I left.

- Playing Razz for an hour and managing to get past fourth street twice a silently cursing Al for coaxing me into playing that sadist game.

One hand history for those who get a rise out of such things, I thought it was an fairly easy fold, but I'm not one to play for moving up the ladder and thought it might have been a decent spot to take a flip for maximum gains after looking back at it:

Four people left in the Mookie, stacks are 25K under the gun, 56K on the button, 40K in the SB, and I'm at 31K in the bb:

UTG raises to 6K, Button repops for ~20K, SB folds, you hold AKo

Blinds are at 1000/2000/200 (ante might be wrong)

Your move.

I Gamble Therefore I Am

Work, ass, kicking.

Getting much done, but still falling further behind. I think I finally have the job I want :)

Poker theme for the weekend:

Cash games, good.

Tourneys, bad.

Sorry to disappoint Don, short stacks don't make for interesting PLO play since you have to hit your draw (or they have to miss), and can't play many speculative hands before you're committing your whole stack. Excuses excuses I know, maybe next time I'll fare a little better.

On a happy note I cashed in a Stud H/L dollah tourney which kept me from getting back to my new Zelda obsession. I knew that Wii would curb my poker addiction, only to fall into another one :) At least this vice will only cost me a few hours of time versus the hair pulling agony of watching some mouth breather take your stack of hardly earned dollars/rupees/pounds/euros because "he had a feeling".

Actually I still like poker.

So much in fact, I will be playing a lot of it live (relatively) in the next coming month:

March 8th: Comped room and St. Louis Ribs dinner at Grand Casino Hinckley (thanks to dropping a little too much on the slots in my previous visit). This time I'm parking my ass in the three seat and will not be temped by those Monopoly "Big Event" slots.

March 24th: Black Bear Casino/Bowling tourney, cheap drinks and bad bowling at the alley, then poker at their smallish room tucked behind the blackjack pit where no slots are within easy reach. Have never won here, but I've got a feeling this time that my gutshot straights and backdoor flush draws will be coming in. Or I'll get drunk and blow my bankroll on the penny slots.

April 1st: Vegas. No April Fools joke here, wife wanted to go, we had a chat about the previous visit (both of our attitudes and my alcohol tolerance sucked) and we're staying at MGM Grand for the week plus seeing the Crazy Horse (formerly La Femme) show. I heart boobs. I don't have a cell phone (will have a number to call) but I'd like to meet up with some fine Vegas bloggers if you're available for donkey poker and a bite to eat on one of the days.

Thanks for dropping by, now can you believe that it snowed in Minnesota yesterday??

Shocking.

And my groin pulled attest to the dangers of pulling a toddler in a sled up a hill several times without performing some proper stretching, like this young lady.