Monday, September 28, 2009

The First Time

It started like every other first date, the excitement of the first kiss coming strong and hard, the tingle of unfamiliarity not knowing where it was going. Hands sliding across places left untouched for so long causing goose bumps and heavy breathing followed by eyes closing right before the dual money shot and then collapsing on the bed spent from the emotional and sexual high. Throats dry from screaming, eyes looking across the room wondering how the hell we got sideways on the bed, and a sly smile like you just got away with bluffing with seven-deuce offsuit in a game of strip poker causing her to lose that newly acquired lavender lace see-through bra showing the goods underneath. Sadly, it all lasted all but over a minute, leaving me wanting more.

The day after my first Favre-gasm, I still feel dirty from the win that shouldn’t have happened in a game that seems to break from every NFL script of long drives determining the winner. A blocked FG for a touchdown made a 10 point swing before halftime, a 101 yard return for TD, refs trying their best to pad the stats of Yellow Flag who seemed to have more yards gained than both teams combined at one point. The team leading 58 minutes into the game failed to convert a single third down play (note they did convert a clutch fourth down play), but they also played some awesome run D shutting down Purple Jesus to a mere 80-ish yards.

On Saturday night a concerned FFL owner asked about the Purple Jesus against the 49ers and I told him how the game should play out:

1) Purple Jesus will grind out some yards, but will not score
2) Percy Harvin will score in some way
3) Favre will throw much more than in the first two games

Check, check, and check. But, I had no idea “more” meant over 40 tosses, my estimates were around low 30s as the Vikings shouldn’t need to lean on Favre like this but wow did he hit me with a lightning strike of amazement since Cyndi let my hand slide up her t-shirt in my parent’s porch when we were supposed to be at the homecoming game 17 years ago. Not since Puckett was fist-pumping around the bases in the World Series have Minnesota sports fans have been treated to just excitement. True, it’s week three and with only one divisional game under the belt of the Purple but just to get the pulse racing to an hour long aerobic workout is more action the average Viking jersey donning rube as gotten since a rookie Moss was taking in bombs from Cunningham during the fabled 1998 season.

Could it happen again? This week is the test. Will Favre’s age come into play and forget which locker room to come out of? Will there be more Packer #4 jerseys in the stands? Will the Vikes front four destroy the soft O-line of the Packers and disrupt a very good QB in Rodgers as the Bears did?

Madden would cream his pants to announce this one, and don’t be surprised if somehow the announcing maven finds a way to get into Metrodome’s media booth next to KFAN where Tirico, Jaws, and Gruden will be settled in to throw a Favre mention every other play on offense or defense.

To more important things: I’m now one prop bet down and Speaker will be receiving free pints and a bucket o’ sausage at the Nine Fine Irishmen at NYNY in December. This week will be The Wife’s shot at my homerism as I give betting lines too big (I would have bet the 49ers +7 all day with any parlay card) because of my Purple-tinted sunglasses. I know she’s traveling as the big shot VP at the moment so if you’re reading, drop a line on the proposed prop bet and we’ll get down to negotiations without the lawyers in the room.


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