Monday, January 14, 2008

Jessica Simpson Stole My Oven Mitts

How to pay for some oven mitts for a new kitchen (almost done pictures tomorrow!):

1) Bet a four team parlay with 80 to 1 odds

2) Watch in amazement as the first three legs of the parlay hit

3) Curse the Giants and Cowboys for not making the over

Chargers moneyline - Check

Chargers/Chokolts over 46 - Check

Giants moneyline - Check

Giants/Chokeboys over 47 - FUCK YOU JESSICA SIMPSON!

I know she's hiding my oven mitts in that shirt

Actually, Cowboys fans shouldn't blame those spectacular breasts for the loss. Really, just forget the threesome they had with a donkey in Mexican strip club*.

Blame the drops, blame the coaching, blame the quartback who doesn't know how to get rid of the ball without taking a sack or getting called for intentional grounding, blame Jerry Jones for not putting Moss, Chad Johnson, and T.O. on the same team (could you imagine that smack talk?).

I really wanted free oven mitts. Bracelet mentioned getting some PacMan styled ones, and sadly my Google search skillz couldn't even find them on EBay.

And thank you guys for the stories in the comments about the impending procedure but how many of you were given drugs or otherwise impaired? Two of my friends are shooting blanks and they got nothing, on a copyed piece of paper explaining the whole thing from the doctor, I'm supposed to get some Valium.

I was going to do a half of a handle of Cap'n, but this way it will limit the chances of pissing in the assistant's face or hitting on her when the novacaine shot goes in.

Poker still sucks but I'm loving the games, horrible players in bunches are swimming to the PL/NLO8 tables which is good because for a while it would be 4 or 5 regular solid players at a 6-max table. See a push with 689Q all black after a raise preflop? Its a good game. Push with a flush draw on a paired board? Its a good game. Lose both these hands for the weekend's profits? Its a good game.

If you can handle the variance, its about as good as it gets if you've read a couple of books and 2+2 forum postings.

*not true, at least I can't prove it

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